1
00:00:18,748 --> 00:00:21,582
The thing is, it was probably
six or seven years ago...

2
00:00:21,668 --> 00:00:23,625
Oh, thank you.

3
00:00:23,711 --> 00:00:25,919
- My condolences.
- Thank you for coming.

4
00:00:26,005 --> 00:00:28,292
Norman,
forgive me for saying this,

5
00:00:28,383 --> 00:00:30,545
but when you sit <i>shiva</i>
for a loved one,

6
00:00:30,635 --> 00:00:33,503
all the mirrors in the house
are supposed to be covered.

7
00:00:33,596 --> 00:00:35,804
I know. I-I'm just not
that kind of Jew.

8
00:00:36,182 --> 00:00:38,219
Really? And what kind
of Jew are you?

9
00:00:38,309 --> 00:00:40,096
I'm-I'm the atheist kind.

10
00:00:41,938 --> 00:00:44,305
Condolences.

11
00:00:44,399 --> 00:00:46,186
Enjoy the shrimp.

12
00:00:46,276 --> 00:00:50,145
I know this is a difficult time,
but try not to be an asshole.

13
00:00:50,238 --> 00:00:51,524
If he didn't want to be insulted

14
00:00:51,614 --> 00:00:52,894
he shouldn't have
become a rabbi.

15
00:00:53,491 --> 00:00:55,027
But on the upside,

16
00:00:55,118 --> 00:00:57,656
Mindy told me
that the funeral's on Twitter.

17
00:00:57,745 --> 00:00:58,906
No kidding?

18
00:00:58,997 --> 00:01:02,035
Yeah. Apparently we're "trendy."

19
00:01:02,125 --> 00:01:03,741
Leno sure did a good job.

20
00:01:03,835 --> 00:01:05,292
Respectful but funny.

21
00:01:05,628 --> 00:01:07,064
I like that
he's still bitter about me.

22
00:01:07,088 --> 00:01:08,499
It shows I made an impact.

23
00:01:08,590 --> 00:01:10,582
Well, I think Eileen
would've approved.

24
00:01:11,217 --> 00:01:12,253
I know she approved.

25
00:01:12,844 --> 00:01:14,927
- Oh, you know?
- I know.

26
00:01:16,180 --> 00:01:18,263
- Okay.
- Hey, rabbi.

27
00:01:18,349 --> 00:01:19,885
<i>Shalom,</i> baby.

28
00:01:20,226 --> 00:01:22,388
And Phoebe came.

29
00:01:22,478 --> 00:01:25,266
We're supposed to love our
children unconditionally.

30
00:01:25,356 --> 00:01:26,972
It's such nonsense.

31
00:01:27,066 --> 00:01:28,807
Is there a Mrs. Rabbi?

32
00:01:28,901 --> 00:01:31,018
I don't know if I can
forgive her, Sandy.

33
00:01:31,112 --> 00:01:32,840
You will. You've just got to
allow some healing

34
00:01:32,864 --> 00:01:35,447
to take place.
You know, it's a-a process.

35
00:01:35,950 --> 00:01:38,408
You done with the platitudes?

36
00:01:38,494 --> 00:01:40,577
I don't have to be.
I mean, you-you want more?

37
00:01:40,663 --> 00:01:43,201
- No.
- A stitch in time means nine.

38
00:01:43,291 --> 00:01:44,727
A bird in the hand
is worth something.

39
00:01:44,751 --> 00:01:45,811
- I forget what.
- All right.

40
00:01:53,593 --> 00:01:56,927
So I'm only asking because
my husband turned out to be gay

41
00:01:57,013 --> 00:01:59,175
and it really ruined
our sex life.

42
00:01:59,265 --> 00:02:01,257
Well, I'm sorry
to hear that, uh...

43
00:02:01,351 --> 00:02:03,183
Did you try lying
on your stomach?

44
00:02:03,269 --> 00:02:05,010
Oh, I tried everything.

45
00:02:05,104 --> 00:02:07,096
I mean, come on,
you'd think, like

46
00:02:07,190 --> 00:02:09,603
a hole is a hole is a hole,
you know?

47
00:02:09,692 --> 00:02:11,274
You'd think.

48
00:02:11,361 --> 00:02:13,102
Yeah, uh, nice, uh...

49
00:02:13,196 --> 00:02:14,983
It was nice talking to you.

50
00:02:16,491 --> 00:02:18,403
Oh. Are we done?

51
00:02:20,870 --> 00:02:22,736
So that's a story, huh?

52
00:02:22,830 --> 00:02:24,617
Yeah. She used to babysit me.

53
00:02:24,707 --> 00:02:26,118
- You're kidding.
- Yeah.

54
00:02:26,209 --> 00:02:27,394
I remember once
she took me to see

55
00:02:27,418 --> 00:02:28,875
uh, <i>Troop Beverly Hills.</i>

56
00:02:28,961 --> 00:02:31,578
- Oh, that's nice.
- Kind of.

57
00:02:31,673 --> 00:02:34,632
She sat behind me and gave her
boyfriend a hand job.

58
00:02:34,717 --> 00:02:35,878
Oh, God!

59
00:02:35,968 --> 00:02:38,335
Yeah. Good movie, though.

60
00:02:38,429 --> 00:02:39,545
Oh.

61
00:02:39,639 --> 00:02:40,925
- Shelley Long?
- Yeah.

62
00:02:41,015 --> 00:02:42,096
- Ah.
- Mm-hm.

63
00:02:43,309 --> 00:02:45,016
- Norman.
- Yeah?

64
00:02:45,103 --> 00:02:47,140
I made up this plate for you.

65
00:02:47,230 --> 00:02:49,062
Oh, no, no, thanks.
I'm not hungry.

66
00:02:49,148 --> 00:02:50,389
Uh... I am.

67
00:02:50,900 --> 00:02:52,016
The food's in the kitchen.

68
00:02:53,695 --> 00:02:55,903
I'm so very sorry for your loss.

69
00:02:55,988 --> 00:02:58,275
- Well, thank you. Thank you.
- Uh...

70
00:02:58,366 --> 00:03:00,904
Eileen was such a...
a great lady.

71
00:03:00,993 --> 00:03:03,110
- One of a kind.
- Yes, she was.

72
00:03:03,204 --> 00:03:06,197
- Norman, I brought you a plate.
- I got this.

73
00:03:07,959 --> 00:03:10,246
And she loved you so very much.

74
00:03:10,336 --> 00:03:12,794
- Excuse me.
- Where are you going?

75
00:03:12,880 --> 00:03:14,371
I-I'm going to the bathroom.

76
00:03:14,465 --> 00:03:17,424
- Again?
- Yes, again. Are you counting?

77
00:03:17,510 --> 00:03:20,093
Yeah, I am. You're closing in
on double digits.

78
00:03:20,179 --> 00:03:22,091
Oh, I appreciate your concern.

79
00:03:22,181 --> 00:03:23,763
I'll dedicate this one to you.

80
00:03:24,976 --> 00:03:27,184
- Norman, listen to me.
- Mm. Yes.

81
00:03:27,270 --> 00:03:29,808
I know that your instinct...

82
00:03:29,897 --> 00:03:32,935
is to go through
all of this by yourself...

83
00:03:33,025 --> 00:03:34,025
...but that's wrong.

84
00:03:34,110 --> 00:03:35,442
Huh.

85
00:03:35,528 --> 00:03:38,111
It really does
take a village.

86
00:03:38,573 --> 00:03:40,565
- It does?
- Yes.

87
00:03:41,117 --> 00:03:43,609
Let me be your village.

88
00:03:44,287 --> 00:03:46,119
But you're
just one person.

89
00:03:47,331 --> 00:03:48,538
Exactly.

90
00:03:55,465 --> 00:03:57,923
So that's it?

91
00:03:58,009 --> 00:03:59,750
Now we're trickling?

92
00:04:03,431 --> 00:04:07,641
<i>♪♪ Raindrops keep falling
on my head ♪♪</i>

93
00:04:18,321 --> 00:04:21,155
This is the last chance
before I put you away.

94
00:04:24,619 --> 00:04:26,030
Excuse me!

95
00:04:26,913 --> 00:04:28,700
Excuse me!

96
00:04:28,790 --> 00:04:30,247
Hi. Hi!

97
00:04:30,666 --> 00:04:33,079
Um... I would like
to make a toast

98
00:04:33,169 --> 00:04:36,003
to my mother,
Eileen Newlander.

99
00:04:36,088 --> 00:04:39,923
You all knew her
as a loving and generous woman.

100
00:04:40,009 --> 00:04:44,720
She was always ready to
give her time and her money

101
00:04:44,806 --> 00:04:46,092
to those in need.

102
00:04:47,767 --> 00:04:48,974
Yeah.

103
00:04:49,852 --> 00:04:51,593
She was there for anyone

104
00:04:51,687 --> 00:04:54,054
who didn't come out
of her vagina.

105
00:04:54,148 --> 00:04:56,481
- Oh.
- Okay, that's it.

106
00:04:58,236 --> 00:04:59,443
Let's go.

107
00:05:00,029 --> 00:05:02,942
- Should I have said C-section?
- Come on.

108
00:05:05,827 --> 00:05:06,988
Oh.

109
00:05:11,040 --> 00:05:12,247
Hey.

110
00:05:12,333 --> 00:05:13,574
Hi. Where you been?

111
00:05:13,668 --> 00:05:16,126
- Bathroom.
- Again?

112
00:05:16,212 --> 00:05:17,498
What's with everybody counting?

113
00:05:17,588 --> 00:05:20,001
I'm not counting.
I just noticed.

114
00:05:20,091 --> 00:05:21,627
- What's wrong?
- Nothing's wrong.

115
00:05:21,717 --> 00:05:23,925
I think something's going on
with his prostate.

116
00:05:24,011 --> 00:05:25,673
Excuse me,
I'd rather my daughter

117
00:05:25,763 --> 00:05:27,345
not discuss my prostate.

118
00:05:27,431 --> 00:05:29,111
Well, it's nothing to be
embarrassed about.

119
00:05:29,141 --> 00:05:32,100
My ex had all kinds of prostate
problems. It's treatable.

120
00:05:32,186 --> 00:05:33,802
Okay, I'm gonna say it again.

121
00:05:33,896 --> 00:05:35,791
I don't want to discuss
my prostate with my child.

122
00:05:35,815 --> 00:05:37,209
I don't want to hear about
your husband's prostate...

123
00:05:37,233 --> 00:05:38,474
Ex-husband.

124
00:05:38,568 --> 00:05:40,400
- Did he have prostate cancer?
- Yep.

125
00:05:40,486 --> 00:05:42,273
But they took it out
and it's fine.

126
00:05:42,363 --> 00:05:44,355
- Was he able to...
- Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

127
00:05:44,448 --> 00:05:45,905
With Viagra.

128
00:05:47,577 --> 00:05:49,318
Okay, I'm walkin' away here.

129
00:05:49,412 --> 00:05:51,153
Goin' back to the bathroom?

130
00:05:52,498 --> 00:05:53,705
Maybe.

131
00:05:55,334 --> 00:05:56,870
Hmm. Well...

132
00:05:56,961 --> 00:05:57,997
- Cheers.
- Cheers.

133
00:06:02,216 --> 00:06:04,629
Oh, here you are hiding.

134
00:06:07,096 --> 00:06:09,008
Diane, please.

135
00:06:09,432 --> 00:06:12,300
For 46 years,
I've lived in one village.

136
00:06:12,393 --> 00:06:13,850
It was a wonderful village.

137
00:06:13,936 --> 00:06:15,768
It was warm. Nice huts.

138
00:06:15,855 --> 00:06:18,723
And I'm sorry, but from here on,
I'm just gonna...

139
00:06:18,816 --> 00:06:21,650
I'm gonna be village-less.
I'm a-a nomad.

140
00:06:22,695 --> 00:06:26,063
What are you talking about?

141
00:06:27,116 --> 00:06:28,698
I need my coat.

142
00:06:30,077 --> 00:06:32,319
It's the tan one with
the gold buttons.

143
00:06:35,750 --> 00:06:36,750
I'm sorry.

144
00:06:39,754 --> 00:06:41,040
Phoebe.

145
00:06:42,256 --> 00:06:43,997
Jesus. Phoebe!

146
00:06:44,508 --> 00:06:45,508
Phoebe!

147
00:06:47,053 --> 00:06:48,635
Phoebe!

148
00:06:51,933 --> 00:06:53,344
Jesus.

149
00:06:59,774 --> 00:07:01,106
Phoebe!

150
00:07:04,612 --> 00:07:06,274
Can I buy you a new coat?

151
00:07:09,241 --> 00:07:11,483
Oh, hey.
Thanks.

152
00:07:13,829 --> 00:07:15,695
Thank you for
a lovely... funeral.

153
00:07:15,790 --> 00:07:17,702
You're welcome.

154
00:07:17,792 --> 00:07:19,019
Can't wait to tell all
my friends

155
00:07:19,043 --> 00:07:21,080
that Barbra Streisand
hit on me.

156
00:07:21,170 --> 00:07:23,537
Don't flatter yourself.
He hit on me, too!

157
00:07:25,716 --> 00:07:28,880
So are you, uh... are you
staying at Norman's tonight?

158
00:07:29,303 --> 00:07:32,387
No, I'm gonna give him a little
space with his daughter.

159
00:07:32,473 --> 00:07:34,089
Mm. Good plan.

160
00:07:35,142 --> 00:07:37,099
I, uh... I'd invite you in

161
00:07:37,186 --> 00:07:40,270
but, uh, my son is, uh...

162
00:07:40,356 --> 00:07:41,688
I understand.

163
00:07:42,149 --> 00:07:43,310
Thanks.

164
00:07:43,401 --> 00:07:44,687
Goodnight.

165
00:08:03,838 --> 00:08:05,079
Uh-oh.

166
00:08:21,731 --> 00:08:26,101
This is complete
and utter bullshit.

167
00:08:32,450 --> 00:08:33,657
<i>Very good.</i>

168
00:08:34,827 --> 00:08:37,319
Okay, who wants to go next?

169
00:08:37,413 --> 00:08:39,575
- Jude, please present.
- Thanks.

170
00:08:39,665 --> 00:08:43,158
I've been thinking a lot about
what you said to me last class.

171
00:08:43,252 --> 00:08:45,092
You've been thinking?
Well, that's encouraging.

172
00:08:45,129 --> 00:08:48,463
Yeah, you said that I'm relying
too much on how I look

173
00:08:48,549 --> 00:08:50,290
and not challenging myself
as an actor,

174
00:08:50,384 --> 00:08:52,070
so I decided to do something
that's gonna take me

175
00:08:52,094 --> 00:08:53,094
out of my comfort zone.

176
00:08:53,179 --> 00:08:54,670
Terrific. What did you pick?

177
00:08:54,764 --> 00:08:56,551
A monologue from
<i>Ma Rainey's Black Bottom</i>

178
00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:58,051
by August Wilson.

179
00:08:59,185 --> 00:09:01,097
- Really?
- Yep.

180
00:09:01,187 --> 00:09:02,928
You're-you're sure about this?

181
00:09:04,982 --> 00:09:07,269
Okay, let's-let's see it.

182
00:09:15,409 --> 00:09:18,152
Levee's gots to be Levee.

183
00:09:19,330 --> 00:09:21,287
And he don't need nobody

184
00:09:21,373 --> 00:09:24,332
messin' around with him
about the white man.

185
00:09:27,213 --> 00:09:29,455
'Cause you don't know
nothin' about me!

186
00:09:30,758 --> 00:09:33,000
You don't know Levee.

187
00:09:33,761 --> 00:09:37,129
You don't know
what type of blood I got!

188
00:09:37,681 --> 00:09:41,595
What type of heart I got
beatin' in here!

189
00:09:45,564 --> 00:09:47,146
I was eight years old

190
00:09:47,566 --> 00:09:49,933
when a gang of the white mens...

191
00:09:50,027 --> 00:09:54,112
come inside of my daddy's house
and have to do my mama

192
00:09:54,198 --> 00:09:57,032
any way they wanted, and...

193
00:09:57,118 --> 00:09:58,984
- Excuse me. I... I'm sorry.
- Ah!

194
00:09:59,078 --> 00:10:00,638
I don't think I'm
comfortable with this.

195
00:10:00,663 --> 00:10:02,199
- Me neither.
- Why not?

196
00:10:02,289 --> 00:10:05,453
I don't know. It just, um,
it just seems wrong.

197
00:10:05,543 --> 00:10:07,375
Well, I don't think that
that's your call.

198
00:10:07,461 --> 00:10:10,329
- I mean, is it wrong?
- Why are you askin' me?

199
00:10:10,422 --> 00:10:13,335
I think if you look past
how super fucked up it is,

200
00:10:13,425 --> 00:10:14,632
it's very brave.

201
00:10:14,718 --> 00:10:16,505
Super-duper fucked up.

202
00:10:16,595 --> 00:10:17,961
I mean, just because
I'm not black

203
00:10:18,055 --> 00:10:20,718
doesn't mean
I can't be offended.

204
00:10:20,808 --> 00:10:22,970
I mean, I'm allowed
to be offended, right?

205
00:10:23,060 --> 00:10:24,847
Or is it offensive just to ask?

206
00:10:24,937 --> 00:10:25,937
Mm.

207
00:10:27,773 --> 00:10:30,891
Okay, everybody
better stop lookin' at me

208
00:10:30,985 --> 00:10:32,772
or shit will go down.

209
00:10:32,862 --> 00:10:34,774
Sandy, you may wanna
weigh in on this.

210
00:10:36,490 --> 00:10:39,233
Dad, you in there?

211
00:10:39,326 --> 00:10:40,407
<i>Yeah.</i>

212
00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:44,113
We've got a racially charged
situation happening in class.

213
00:10:44,206 --> 00:10:45,447
Are you gonna be long?

214
00:10:45,541 --> 00:10:48,033
<i>I don't know.</i>

215
00:10:51,297 --> 00:10:52,566
<i>I don't know what to do.</i>

216
00:10:52,590 --> 00:10:54,456
Do-do we put her
in another rehab?

217
00:10:54,550 --> 00:10:58,089
Unless she wants to get sober,
I don't see the point.

218
00:10:58,596 --> 00:11:00,258
Well, we can't do nothing.

219
00:11:00,347 --> 00:11:01,347
Are you sure?

220
00:11:01,682 --> 00:11:03,264
Maybe it's time
to let her hit bottom.

221
00:11:03,726 --> 00:11:05,308
What's bottom? Uh, uh...

222
00:11:05,394 --> 00:11:07,681
Homeless?
In a mental institution?

223
00:11:07,771 --> 00:11:09,763
- Jail?
- I don't know.

224
00:11:09,857 --> 00:11:13,146
I know that what we've been
doing isn't working, so...

225
00:11:15,029 --> 00:11:17,316
Hey. It's gonna be okay.

226
00:11:17,740 --> 00:11:18,821
You'll see.

227
00:11:20,576 --> 00:11:22,317
This is not good.

228
00:11:22,411 --> 00:11:23,777
No shit.

229
00:11:29,168 --> 00:11:30,409
Hey.

230
00:11:31,295 --> 00:11:32,295
Hi.

231
00:11:32,755 --> 00:11:34,872
Um... am I interrupting?

232
00:11:34,965 --> 00:11:36,831
'Course not. Sit down.

233
00:11:36,926 --> 00:11:39,259
- You sure?
- Yeah, sit.

234
00:11:41,764 --> 00:11:44,848
- Want some coffee?
- No. It just makes me pee.

235
00:11:44,934 --> 00:11:47,176
Well, it's a diuretic.

236
00:11:48,854 --> 00:11:50,595
You wouldn't happen
to have a, uh,

237
00:11:50,689 --> 00:11:52,430
a urologist that you like?

238
00:11:52,775 --> 00:11:55,358
Like? No one likes
their urologist,

239
00:11:55,444 --> 00:11:56,776
but I do have a good one.

240
00:11:56,862 --> 00:11:58,148
I need his number.

241
00:11:58,239 --> 00:11:59,821
I already gave it
to Mindy.

242
00:11:59,907 --> 00:12:01,398
She's gonna make you
an appointment.

243
00:12:01,492 --> 00:12:04,326
Jesus, everything in my pants
is public knowledge.

244
00:12:04,411 --> 00:12:06,573
I-I'm just glad
you're not in denial anymore.

245
00:12:06,664 --> 00:12:09,498
Norman, yesterday
I kissed a woman goodnight

246
00:12:09,583 --> 00:12:11,324
and then urinated
on her bush.

247
00:12:12,670 --> 00:12:13,670
I'm sorry?

248
00:12:14,755 --> 00:12:16,291
The bush outside her house.

249
00:12:16,382 --> 00:12:19,295
Ah. Yeah, that's...

250
00:12:19,385 --> 00:12:21,752
That's a slow,
dripping cry for help.

251
00:12:21,845 --> 00:12:23,211
Dad?

252
00:12:23,305 --> 00:12:24,967
Um, you mind if I have
some friends over?

253
00:12:25,516 --> 00:12:28,099
Yes, I mind,
and go put some clothes on!

254
00:12:28,435 --> 00:12:30,677
It's just Sandy.
What's he gonna do?

255
00:12:30,771 --> 00:12:32,262
Hey! Hey! Hey! Come on.

256
00:12:33,857 --> 00:12:35,598
What am I supposed
to do with her?

257
00:12:35,693 --> 00:12:37,400
I don't know.

258
00:12:37,486 --> 00:12:38,943
I guess just love her.

259
00:12:39,905 --> 00:12:42,272
You're useless.

260
00:12:47,288 --> 00:12:50,622
Okay,
and fill these out

261
00:12:50,708 --> 00:12:52,495
and the doctor
will see you shortly.

262
00:12:53,002 --> 00:12:55,415
Thank you.
Just so you know,

263
00:12:55,504 --> 00:12:58,167
I'm here for
penis reduction surgery.

264
00:12:58,465 --> 00:12:59,706
O-okay.

265
00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:01,632
Been getting
some complaints lately.

266
00:13:02,344 --> 00:13:03,630
Got it.

267
00:13:32,833 --> 00:13:34,290
Jesus Christ.

268
00:13:35,711 --> 00:13:37,919
The sad part is,
that water cooler

269
00:13:38,005 --> 00:13:39,621
has a better flow
than I do.

270
00:13:42,801 --> 00:13:44,713
How often do you have
to come here?

271
00:13:52,186 --> 00:13:53,802
Not cool, man.

272
00:13:54,229 --> 00:13:55,561
Not cool.

273
00:14:10,037 --> 00:14:11,778
Oh, for Christ's sakes.

274
00:14:11,872 --> 00:14:14,285
Whatever happened
to hanging things up?

275
00:14:20,839 --> 00:14:22,330
I don't believe this.

276
00:14:25,052 --> 00:14:26,668
You're stealing drugs
from your mother?

277
00:14:26,762 --> 00:14:28,799
- What?
- What kind of...

278
00:14:31,016 --> 00:14:32,660
What kind of a person does that?

279
00:14:32,684 --> 00:14:35,097
What kind of a person steals
drugs from their mother?

280
00:14:35,187 --> 00:14:36,803
It's not that big of a deal.

281
00:14:36,897 --> 00:14:39,605
I hurt my back,
I was looking for Advil.

282
00:14:39,691 --> 00:14:41,586
- And I found that stuff.
- Oh, you hurt your back?

283
00:14:41,610 --> 00:14:43,727
Really? Really?
How'd you hurt your back?

284
00:14:44,238 --> 00:14:46,275
It was a pretty silly story,
actually...

285
00:14:46,365 --> 00:14:47,856
Liar!

286
00:14:49,701 --> 00:14:54,116
So there's nothin' else goin' on
besides the frequent urination?

287
00:14:54,206 --> 00:14:57,199
No. I mean, I have had
a little bronchial irritation,

288
00:14:57,292 --> 00:14:59,375
but that's kinda out of
your purview, isn't it?

289
00:14:59,711 --> 00:15:02,169
Yeah. Anyway,
we're gonna do some tests

290
00:15:02,256 --> 00:15:04,168
and make sure there's nothin'
serious goin' on.

291
00:15:04,258 --> 00:15:05,715
What do you mean
by "serious?"

292
00:15:06,218 --> 00:15:07,218
Cancer.

293
00:15:08,595 --> 00:15:09,756
Oh, right. Right.

294
00:15:09,847 --> 00:15:12,260
But, uh...
based on your symptoms

295
00:15:12,349 --> 00:15:15,387
I would say we're dealin'
with prostatic hyperplasia.

296
00:15:16,145 --> 00:15:17,602
Which means?

297
00:15:17,688 --> 00:15:19,145
You've got a big prostate.

298
00:15:19,523 --> 00:15:20,684
Which means?

299
00:15:20,774 --> 00:15:22,606
It means you're gonna pee a lot.

300
00:15:22,693 --> 00:15:24,400
Can you tell me something
I don't know?

301
00:15:25,487 --> 00:15:27,774
I got to second base
with my nurse last night.

302
00:15:29,116 --> 00:15:31,073
That's an old joke, but I did.

303
00:15:31,160 --> 00:15:34,198
Congratulations.
What about my prostate?

304
00:15:34,288 --> 00:15:37,497
Well... we have options.

305
00:15:37,583 --> 00:15:41,418
There's drugs and there's
transurethral resection.

306
00:15:41,503 --> 00:15:43,119
And what's involved with that?

307
00:15:43,213 --> 00:15:44,499
I drill through your penis

308
00:15:44,590 --> 00:15:46,923
and core out your prostate
like a Roto-Rooter.

309
00:15:47,009 --> 00:15:48,591
- Oh, my God.
- Yeah, it's...

310
00:15:48,677 --> 00:15:50,919
It's an exciting time
to be a urologist.

311
00:15:51,013 --> 00:15:52,720
But let's not
get ahead of ourselves.

312
00:15:52,806 --> 00:15:54,889
Drop your drawers.
Lay on your side over there.

313
00:15:54,975 --> 00:15:57,342
I'll poke around in there
and see what we got.

314
00:16:02,566 --> 00:16:04,148
You keep saying "we."

315
00:16:05,110 --> 00:16:06,567
You complete me.

316
00:16:07,154 --> 00:16:10,067
I gotta ask, when you were
a young guy in med school,

317
00:16:10,157 --> 00:16:12,649
what made you decide
to become a urologist?

318
00:16:12,743 --> 00:16:14,359
I get asked that a lot.

319
00:16:15,078 --> 00:16:16,740
And the answer is?

320
00:16:17,539 --> 00:16:19,155
Variety.

321
00:16:19,249 --> 00:16:21,332
Dicks are like snowflakes.

322
00:16:21,418 --> 00:16:23,250
There's no two alike.

323
00:16:23,337 --> 00:16:25,294
Say "Ah."

324
00:16:25,631 --> 00:16:26,631
Ah!

325
00:16:27,758 --> 00:16:30,171
Why'd you come back?
Is it money?

326
00:16:30,260 --> 00:16:31,446
Because you should know
that you're not

327
00:16:31,470 --> 00:16:33,052
in your mother's will.

328
00:16:33,138 --> 00:16:34,925
It all goes to me,
and when I'm gone

329
00:16:35,015 --> 00:16:36,381
I'm leaving it to charity.

330
00:16:36,475 --> 00:16:38,387
Good, because I don't
want your money!

331
00:16:38,477 --> 00:16:39,934
Well, you're not getting any!

332
00:16:43,524 --> 00:16:44,935
Phoebe?

333
00:16:47,027 --> 00:16:48,027
Phoebe!

334
00:16:48,904 --> 00:16:50,361
Are you taking drugs?

335
00:16:50,447 --> 00:16:53,064
<i>I am taking a dump!</i>

336
00:16:53,158 --> 00:16:54,399
<i>I just need a minute.</i>

337
00:16:54,493 --> 00:16:56,906
<i>The Percocet
makes me constipated.</i>

338
00:17:00,457 --> 00:17:01,538
Well, you don't deserve it,

339
00:17:01,625 --> 00:17:04,117
but there's Metamucil
under the sink.

340
00:17:05,629 --> 00:17:07,461
<i>Thank you, Daddy.</i>

341
00:17:07,548 --> 00:17:08,789
Yeah.

342
00:17:08,882 --> 00:17:10,794
- All right, now bear down on me.
- Ah...

343
00:17:10,884 --> 00:17:12,671
That's it. Bear down.

344
00:17:12,761 --> 00:17:14,841
'Cause I've gotta... Come on.
Push, push, push, push!

345
00:17:15,055 --> 00:17:17,422
You know, the funny thing is

346
00:17:17,516 --> 00:17:19,132
even gay guys don't like this.

347
00:17:19,226 --> 00:17:21,468
- That's hilarious.
- Push, push, push!

348
00:17:21,562 --> 00:17:23,975
I've gotta touch it. Push! I've
gotta feel it with my finger.

349
00:17:24,064 --> 00:17:26,272
- Ah!
- Quick! There you go.

350
00:17:26,358 --> 00:17:28,691
That's it. That's... Ooh.

351
00:17:28,777 --> 00:17:31,360
Oh, that's a big old prostate.

352
00:17:31,446 --> 00:17:33,529
Any chance that my ass
is just shrinking?

353
00:17:33,615 --> 00:17:35,652
That's a good one.

354
00:17:35,742 --> 00:17:36,742
I'm gonna use that.

355
00:17:37,703 --> 00:17:39,945
Here. Here, wipe.

356
00:17:40,747 --> 00:17:42,283
What, no spooning?

357
00:17:42,958 --> 00:17:45,200
That one I heard before.

358
00:17:48,171 --> 00:17:49,412
Now what?

359
00:17:49,506 --> 00:17:50,838
Now we check your PSA test,

360
00:17:50,924 --> 00:17:52,131
see if you've got any cancer.

361
00:17:52,217 --> 00:17:53,549
And how long does that take?

362
00:17:53,635 --> 00:17:56,548
- Ah, a couple of days.
- And if there is?

363
00:17:56,638 --> 00:18:00,006
We do a biopsy and see if
it's snail, turtle, or rabbit.

364
00:18:00,100 --> 00:18:01,466
What?

365
00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:03,847
Well, snail,
slow-moving, no worries.

366
00:18:03,937 --> 00:18:06,725
Turtle, little faster,
some worries.

367
00:18:06,815 --> 00:18:09,398
- Rabbit...
- Floppy-eared and adorable?

368
00:18:10,902 --> 00:18:11,902
Sure.

369
00:18:20,370 --> 00:18:22,236
- Daddy?
- What?

370
00:18:23,373 --> 00:18:25,035
I'm sorry.

371
00:18:25,125 --> 00:18:27,162
Please save the tears
for somebody who buys it.

372
00:18:27,252 --> 00:18:29,585
No, seriously. I'm really sorry.

373
00:18:31,715 --> 00:18:33,206
Why didn't you ever visit?

374
00:18:33,300 --> 00:18:35,340
Do you have any idea
how much that hurt your mother?

375
00:18:36,803 --> 00:18:39,591
I, uh, don't have a good reason.

376
00:18:39,681 --> 00:18:40,922
Give me a bad one.

377
00:18:43,226 --> 00:18:45,684
I didn't think
she was gonna die.

378
00:18:47,689 --> 00:18:49,476
You know, I was very busy.

379
00:18:49,941 --> 00:18:51,352
You were busy?

380
00:18:57,407 --> 00:18:58,989
I don't know what else to say.

381
00:18:59,451 --> 00:19:00,692
All right.

382
00:19:00,786 --> 00:19:03,073
Moving on.
What are your plans now?

383
00:19:03,413 --> 00:19:04,745
Well...

384
00:19:06,041 --> 00:19:08,499
I was thinking I would stay with you
for a little while.

385
00:19:08,585 --> 00:19:10,076
Really?

386
00:19:10,796 --> 00:19:12,082
Would that be okay?

387
00:19:12,172 --> 00:19:13,879
What about your apartment
in New York?

388
00:19:13,965 --> 00:19:15,501
Well, that is
a pretty funny story.

389
00:19:15,592 --> 00:19:16,958
Stop!

390
00:19:18,261 --> 00:19:20,173
Okay, who's next?

391
00:19:21,431 --> 00:19:24,094
Uh, Breana.
What do you got?

392
00:19:24,184 --> 00:19:28,474
Well, I was thinkin' about Jude
doin' that August Wilson piece,

393
00:19:28,563 --> 00:19:31,306
and it got me thinkin'
maybe I should push myself

394
00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:32,880
into somethin'
out of my comfort zone.

395
00:19:32,943 --> 00:19:35,185
Okay. Taking chances. I like it.

396
00:19:35,278 --> 00:19:37,770
So I'm gonna do a monologue
from <i>The Boys in the Band.</i>

397
00:19:39,408 --> 00:19:41,195
Oh, Christ.

398
00:19:41,284 --> 00:19:42,991
Okay, let's see it.

399
00:19:49,209 --> 00:19:50,916
What I am, Michael,

400
00:19:51,002 --> 00:19:56,418
is a 32-year-old,
ugly, pock-marked Jew fairy.

401
00:19:56,842 --> 00:19:59,630
And if it takes me a while
to pull myself together,

402
00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:01,677
and if I have to smoke
a little grass

403
00:20:01,763 --> 00:20:04,255
before I get up the nerve
to show my face to the world,

404
00:20:04,349 --> 00:20:07,592
it's nobody's goddamn business
but my own.

405
00:20:07,686 --> 00:20:09,097
All right. All right.

406
00:20:09,187 --> 00:20:11,395
- Let's pause right there.
- Thank you.

407
00:20:11,481 --> 00:20:13,723
Isn't such a brave choice now,
is it?

408
00:20:13,817 --> 00:20:17,106
What Jude did was stupid.
You're being homophobic.

409
00:20:17,195 --> 00:20:19,562
- Thank you.
- All right, that's enough.

410
00:20:19,656 --> 00:20:20,988
Breana, grab your seat.

411
00:20:26,788 --> 00:20:29,496
Listen to me, all right?
None of this matters.

412
00:20:29,583 --> 00:20:31,144
None of this is worth getting
offended over.

413
00:20:31,168 --> 00:20:33,251
This is all bullshit.

414
00:20:33,336 --> 00:20:36,044
Doesn't matter whether
you're black, or gay, or...

415
00:20:36,381 --> 00:20:38,873
- Irish, French, and German.
- Sure.

416
00:20:38,967 --> 00:20:41,801
- I did 23andMe.
- That's great.

417
00:20:41,887 --> 00:20:44,721
Doesn't matter because inside
we're all exactly the same.

418
00:20:44,806 --> 00:20:47,048
The life in you,
in you, and you

419
00:20:47,142 --> 00:20:48,553
and you is the same life.

420
00:20:48,643 --> 00:20:49,929
Same electricity,

421
00:20:50,020 --> 00:20:52,433
just lighting up
a different bulb.

422
00:20:52,522 --> 00:20:54,354
If you really
want to get offended,

423
00:20:54,441 --> 00:20:56,398
try cancerous glands
in your asshole.

424
00:20:58,361 --> 00:20:59,568
Excuse me.

425
00:21:00,113 --> 00:21:01,649
I don't get it.

426
00:21:02,324 --> 00:21:04,281
I think it's from a Mamet play.

427
00:21:10,457 --> 00:21:13,575
So, my darling,
how was your day?

428
00:21:13,668 --> 00:21:15,751
I had a strange little man

429
00:21:15,837 --> 00:21:17,624
stick his finger up my ass.

430
00:21:17,714 --> 00:21:20,206
- Oof. I envy you.
- Hm!

431
00:21:20,300 --> 00:21:23,509
- How long is Phoebe staying?
- I didn't ask.

432
00:21:23,595 --> 00:21:26,087
I find everything with Phoebe
is easier if I don't ask.

433
00:21:26,181 --> 00:21:29,765
Mm. The willful pursuit
of ignorance.

434
00:21:29,851 --> 00:21:31,262
- That's smart.
- Yeah.

435
00:21:32,103 --> 00:21:34,015
Any news on the prostate front?

436
00:21:34,105 --> 00:21:35,892
No. Just trying to stay cool.

437
00:21:35,982 --> 00:21:37,974
Waiting for the results
of the blood test.

438
00:21:38,068 --> 00:21:40,310
Is eating spicy food your way
of thumbing your nose

439
00:21:40,403 --> 00:21:42,110
at the specter of death?

440
00:21:42,697 --> 00:21:44,609
You are very wise.

441
00:21:45,158 --> 00:21:47,775
I am a fountain.
Drink from me.

442
00:21:48,119 --> 00:21:50,862
We will be punished
for eating so late.

443
00:21:50,956 --> 00:21:52,913
Two TUMS and a Prilosec
before bedtime

444
00:21:52,999 --> 00:21:54,490
and a thin pillow under
your shoulders

445
00:21:54,584 --> 00:21:56,871
to elevate your upper torso
while sleeping.

446
00:21:56,962 --> 00:21:59,454
- Really?
- Drink from me.

447
00:22:06,805 --> 00:22:08,717
Haven't seen you in a while.

448
00:22:08,807 --> 00:22:11,971
Yeah. I've been, uh...
you know, busy.

449
00:22:12,811 --> 00:22:14,723
I think I just
have a few shirts.

450
00:22:17,691 --> 00:22:19,933
Okay, here we are.

451
00:22:20,026 --> 00:22:23,394
So sorry.
The dress was here a long time.

452
00:22:23,488 --> 00:22:24,854
Must not have been picked up.

453
00:22:28,326 --> 00:22:29,692
Oh, my God.

454
00:22:43,466 --> 00:22:44,923
Sorry.