1
00:00:24,232 --> 00:00:27,193
Okay, so this is a monologue
from the movie Apocalypse Now.
2
00:00:27,902 --> 00:00:29,237
- Really?
- Yeah.
3
00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:32,407
Colonel Kurtz. Brando. Cop-pole-a.
4
00:00:33,074 --> 00:00:35,160
Cop-pola. [sighs]
5
00:00:35,660 --> 00:00:37,203
Okay, you got the stage.
6
00:00:39,622 --> 00:00:40,832
[clears throat]
7
00:00:45,128 --> 00:00:46,128
[sighs]
8
00:00:49,466 --> 00:00:50,717
I've seen horrors.
9
00:00:52,218 --> 00:00:53,553
Horrors that you've seen.
10
00:00:54,679 --> 00:00:57,182
But you have no right
to call me a murderer.
11
00:00:58,600 --> 00:00:59,768
You have a right to kill me.
12
00:01:00,685 --> 00:01:01,805
You have a right to do that.
13
00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:04,314
But you have no right to judge me.
14
00:01:06,232 --> 00:01:10,320
It's impossible for words to describe
what is necessary
15
00:01:10,403 --> 00:01:13,198
to those who do not know
what horror means.
16
00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:15,200
Hah!
17
00:01:15,283 --> 00:01:16,283
Horror.
18
00:01:17,368 --> 00:01:18,745
Horror has a face.
19
00:01:19,954 --> 00:01:22,707
And you must make a friend of horror.
20
00:01:23,333 --> 00:01:26,920
Horror and moral terror are your friends.
21
00:01:27,003 --> 00:01:29,714
If they're not,
they're enemies to be feared.
22
00:01:29,798 --> 00:01:32,008
And they are truly enemies.
23
00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:33,802
Okay, let's stop there.
24
00:01:33,885 --> 00:01:36,405
But I'm almost at the part
where the kid's arms get chopped off.
25
00:01:36,596 --> 00:01:37,639
I don't care.
26
00:01:38,223 --> 00:01:39,223
Darshani...
27
00:01:40,016 --> 00:01:41,768
why did you pick that monologue?
28
00:01:44,437 --> 00:01:45,939
I thought it'd be cool.
29
00:01:46,856 --> 00:01:48,108
Gender-bending.
30
00:01:49,192 --> 00:01:52,237
It's bullshit, is what it is. You know?
31
00:01:53,279 --> 00:01:56,950
Honey, you've been in my class
for what, um... a year now?
32
00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:02,455
When are you gonna drop
this cool, detached, ironic thing
33
00:02:02,539 --> 00:02:04,165
and try some real acting?
34
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:07,919
I thought that's what I was doing.
35
00:02:08,169 --> 00:02:09,379
[chuckles] Oh, no. No.
36
00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:13,925
You have never once committed
on being honest in your work here.
37
00:02:14,467 --> 00:02:16,052
That is so not fair.
38
00:02:16,553 --> 00:02:20,181
Where do you intersect
with the horror of the Vietnam War?
39
00:02:21,224 --> 00:02:25,270
All you've done is a... is a campy version
of a great speech.
40
00:02:25,854 --> 00:02:27,063
And just for the record,
41
00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:30,608
being campy is making fun of things
you don't have the talent to do.
42
00:02:30,942 --> 00:02:32,902
Well, maybe you just don't get it.
43
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:35,488
[scoffs] Oh, I get it.
44
00:02:36,698 --> 00:02:38,074
Believe me, I get it.
45
00:02:39,409 --> 00:02:42,745
Every time that you've stepped
on my stage, you've brought this...
46
00:02:43,079 --> 00:02:46,791
snide, sarcastic attitude
towards the scripts,
47
00:02:46,875 --> 00:02:48,918
the exercises, the audience,
48
00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:51,754
the whole idea of acting as an art form.
49
00:02:52,964 --> 00:02:54,174
And you know why?
50
00:02:55,300 --> 00:02:56,926
Because you're afraid.
51
00:02:58,219 --> 00:03:01,097
You're afraid to show us
who you really are.
52
00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:05,393
Why are you being so mean to me?
53
00:03:06,060 --> 00:03:08,271
Come on. What's your deal?
54
00:03:08,938 --> 00:03:11,649
When did you decide
to be such a cool block of ice?
55
00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:12,734
Shut up!
56
00:03:12,817 --> 00:03:15,945
Who hurt your feelings
and made you such a scared little girl?
57
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:17,947
Fuck you, Sandy! You fucking loser!
58
00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:29,292
Okay, uh, we've still got a little time.
Who wants to go next?
59
00:03:35,173 --> 00:03:36,173
Nobody?
60
00:03:37,467 --> 00:03:38,467
Jude?
61
00:03:38,843 --> 00:03:40,094
Oh, not a chance.
62
00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:44,515
You wanna know?
You really wanna know?
63
00:03:44,599 --> 00:03:45,600
Yes, I really wanna know.
64
00:03:46,184 --> 00:03:47,184
Fine.
65
00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:51,231
Ever since I was 12 years old,
I couldn't keep guys off of me.
66
00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:55,193
My step-brother, my uncle,
even my cousin Stephanie.
67
00:03:55,276 --> 00:03:56,276
Don't tell me.
68
00:03:56,945 --> 00:03:59,113
Tell them. Tell them.
69
00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:09,123
My fat,
70
00:04:10,625 --> 00:04:12,502
smelly cousin Stephanie.
71
00:04:14,629 --> 00:04:17,048
Everybody wanted to touch Darshani.
72
00:04:18,007 --> 00:04:20,134
Everybody wanted to fuck Darshani.
73
00:04:21,427 --> 00:04:23,554
[sobs] I had two choices.
74
00:04:24,847 --> 00:04:26,933
Kill myself, or...
75
00:04:28,726 --> 00:04:30,186
[sobs] just...
76
00:04:31,479 --> 00:04:32,772
shut it all down.
77
00:04:36,818 --> 00:04:37,902
Either way...
78
00:04:40,363 --> 00:04:43,491
I had to not feel it anymore.
79
00:04:45,493 --> 00:04:48,579
[sobs] I had to make myself numb!
80
00:04:53,626 --> 00:04:54,627
Are you happy?
81
00:04:55,545 --> 00:04:57,463
- Is that what you wanted to hear?
- No.
82
00:04:58,923 --> 00:05:00,383
But thank you for telling me.
83
00:05:07,181 --> 00:05:08,181
Now...
84
00:05:08,558 --> 00:05:10,226
Listen closely. Um...
85
00:05:12,353 --> 00:05:14,397
I'm so sorry
for what you've had to go through,
86
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:16,107
for how badly you were treated.
87
00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:20,445
But if you're brave enough,
and I think you are,
88
00:05:20,945 --> 00:05:23,948
then you can let all these feelings
come out in your work.
89
00:05:25,658 --> 00:05:27,160
Darshani, look at me. Look.
90
00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:32,999
It's time to make a new choice.
91
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,460
And I would recommend one
92
00:05:35,543 --> 00:05:38,338
that makes you fully alive,
which means...
93
00:05:39,255 --> 00:05:40,255
being sad,
94
00:05:40,715 --> 00:05:41,715
angry,
95
00:05:42,133 --> 00:05:43,134
frightened,
96
00:05:43,676 --> 00:05:45,636
exhilarated, all of it.
97
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:51,100
Then we'll see what kind of actress
you can become.
98
00:05:53,936 --> 00:05:55,021
And I'm betting...
99
00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:57,315
you're gonna be great.
100
00:06:13,748 --> 00:06:17,210
In case anybody asks,
your father is a great acting coach.
101
00:06:17,585 --> 00:06:19,670
What happened? You make somebody cry?
102
00:06:19,754 --> 00:06:22,757
Yeah. I just had a big breakthrough
with that kid Darshani.
103
00:06:23,174 --> 00:06:24,174
Way to go.
104
00:06:24,884 --> 00:06:28,262
You know that bullshit ego of hers?
It was a defense mechanism.
105
00:06:28,346 --> 00:06:29,263
Mm.
106
00:06:29,347 --> 00:06:32,058
Next step,
to make her a successful actress
107
00:06:32,141 --> 00:06:36,020
so she can have the kind of ego that ruins
the lives of everybody around her.
108
00:06:36,104 --> 00:06:39,732
Sandy Kominsky,
making monsters since 1981.
109
00:06:40,191 --> 00:06:41,317
That's what I do.
110
00:06:41,859 --> 00:06:44,654
Hey, what a great dinner last night.
Thanks again.
111
00:06:44,737 --> 00:06:45,737
Sure.
112
00:06:46,155 --> 00:06:48,741
I'll be honest with you,
I didn't think I was gonna like Martin,
113
00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:51,327
actually looking forward
to not liking him,
114
00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:53,830
but, damn,
if he didn't win me over. [sighs]
115
00:06:54,330 --> 00:06:55,498
I'm glad.
116
00:06:55,873 --> 00:06:58,334
Yeah, I think we made a nice connection.
117
00:06:58,918 --> 00:07:00,086
Mm-hm.
118
00:07:01,796 --> 00:07:02,880
[sighs]
119
00:07:05,550 --> 00:07:07,051
Everything okay?
120
00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:08,886
[sighs] You betcha.
121
00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:11,263
Mindy...
122
00:07:12,390 --> 00:07:13,975
Okay, yeah, there is something.
123
00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:15,434
Well, tell me.
124
00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:18,479
What the fuck kind of weed
did you smoke with him?
125
00:07:19,230 --> 00:07:21,399
Just my usual sativa. Why?
126
00:07:22,024 --> 00:07:24,485
He was hallucinating for hours.
127
00:07:24,569 --> 00:07:26,696
I was afraid
he was gonna have a heart attack.
128
00:07:26,779 --> 00:07:28,489
Really? He was fine when I left.
129
00:07:28,573 --> 00:07:31,951
A little bit of a chatty Cathy,
but he was fine.
130
00:07:32,034 --> 00:07:34,179
Anytime you want,
we can go check out the Erewhon store
131
00:07:34,203 --> 00:07:35,643
where I get my prostate supplements.
132
00:07:35,705 --> 00:07:36,581
Lots to choose from.
133
00:07:36,664 --> 00:07:39,083
Some of it's worthless,
but some of it's simply magical.
134
00:07:39,167 --> 00:07:40,543
Great. Look forward to it.
135
00:07:40,626 --> 00:07:43,713
Yeah, and they also have
these awesome veggie and fruit smoothies,
136
00:07:43,796 --> 00:07:45,798
- locally sourced produce, no pesticides.
- Ooh!
137
00:07:45,882 --> 00:07:48,176
- Sounds delicious.
- I don't love the paper straws.
138
00:07:48,259 --> 00:07:50,779
They give you paper straws,
you can't get a good suck outta 'em,
139
00:07:50,803 --> 00:07:52,847
but I'm telling you,
the smoothie itself's lovely.
140
00:07:52,930 --> 00:07:54,891
- Good night.
- Okay. Call me!
141
00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:57,268
Well, he didn't stay that way.
142
00:07:57,351 --> 00:07:59,520
He had a complete meltdown.
143
00:07:59,604 --> 00:08:01,814
If we don't put the Silly Putty
back in the egg,
144
00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:05,026
well, then it's all dried up,
and then it's not silly anymore, is it?
145
00:08:05,109 --> 00:08:08,070
Forget about trying to play with the
Sunday funnies, that's not happening.
146
00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:10,239
You gotta put it in the egg.
Put it... God damn it.
147
00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:11,740
You're kidding!
148
00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:13,659
Why would I kid about that?
149
00:08:13,743 --> 00:08:16,621
And what the hell are the Sunday funnies?
150
00:08:17,205 --> 00:08:20,958
Long time ago, what we'd call
the comic section in the Sunday paper,
151
00:08:21,667 --> 00:08:23,961
you could lift the images off
with Silly Putty.
152
00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:27,465
It was a pretty cool trick.
153
00:08:27,715 --> 00:08:29,383
Fuck you, cool trick.
154
00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:32,303
I had to crush up a Xanax,
slip it in his chamomile
155
00:08:32,386 --> 00:08:33,554
to get him to calm down.
156
00:08:33,638 --> 00:08:35,348
Jeez, Min, I don't know what to tell you.
157
00:08:35,431 --> 00:08:37,642
It was just
your garden-variety marihoochie.
158
00:08:38,267 --> 00:08:39,644
You were fine afterward?
159
00:08:40,394 --> 00:08:41,394
Yeah.
160
00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:44,565
Uh, on the way home, I stopped at
an In-N-Out and got a double-double
161
00:08:44,649 --> 00:08:47,485
which gave me the runs,
but otherwise it was jim-dandy.
162
00:08:48,402 --> 00:08:51,822
Well, whatever caused it,
it was an awful night.
163
00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:55,326
You've chosen to be
with an older man, Mindy.
164
00:08:55,409 --> 00:08:58,704
You've got to expect some physical
and emotional damage.
165
00:08:59,455 --> 00:09:00,456
[door opens]
166
00:09:03,793 --> 00:09:04,919
The truth worked!
167
00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:06,837
All hail the truth!
168
00:09:07,463 --> 00:09:08,673
Exhibit A.
169
00:09:09,131 --> 00:09:11,592
With the pressure off,
we kissed, we cuddled, we slept.
170
00:09:11,676 --> 00:09:13,135
And then, at the crack of dawn...
171
00:09:14,136 --> 00:09:15,513
Mindy, cover your ears.
172
00:09:16,013 --> 00:09:17,723
- What?
- Your ears! Cover them!
173
00:09:20,601 --> 00:09:22,645
At the crack of dawn, I was like...
174
00:09:22,728 --> 00:09:25,231
I was like an Egyptian obelisk.
175
00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:27,108
I can still hear you.
176
00:09:28,776 --> 00:09:32,113
I gotta tell you, it's so nice
to see you happy again.
177
00:09:32,196 --> 00:09:34,824
Well, thank you.
It's actually been so long that I...
178
00:09:34,907 --> 00:09:36,158
I didn't recognize the feeling.
179
00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:37,261
I... I thought it might...
180
00:09:37,285 --> 00:09:39,412
might have been a slow-moving aneurysm.
181
00:09:39,537 --> 00:09:41,330
So, when are you gonna see her again?
182
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:43,040
She's driving down tomorrow.
183
00:09:43,457 --> 00:09:46,586
- Oh, staying at your place?
- Yes, siree Bob.
184
00:09:47,878 --> 00:09:49,755
Can I give you a little advice?
185
00:09:50,047 --> 00:09:51,132
Can I stop you?
186
00:09:52,717 --> 00:09:53,968
Welcome back, sir.
187
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:56,721
Well, thank you, Alex.
You're looking good.
188
00:09:57,013 --> 00:09:58,514
Kind of you to lie.
189
00:09:58,973 --> 00:10:00,349
Absolut martini?
190
00:10:00,683 --> 00:10:01,559
Absolutely.
191
00:10:01,642 --> 00:10:04,353
And bring my friend
his usual crime against humanity.
192
00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:07,064
Jack Daniel's and Dr Pepper?
193
00:10:07,315 --> 00:10:09,400
Diet Dr Pepper, Alex. Thank you.
194
00:10:14,572 --> 00:10:15,656
Your advice?
195
00:10:17,533 --> 00:10:20,661
To help Madelyn be comfortable
at your place,
196
00:10:21,495 --> 00:10:25,583
maybe consider taking down
some of the pictures of Eileen.
197
00:10:26,334 --> 00:10:28,794
No, I couldn't do that. Not a chance.
198
00:10:30,004 --> 00:10:31,505
But when you were at her home,
199
00:10:31,922 --> 00:10:35,051
were there pictures of her
deceased husband all over the place?
200
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:36,677
I counted two of them.
201
00:10:36,761 --> 00:10:39,639
Uh, one of him horseback riding,
another on a cruise ship.
202
00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:41,432
I love that you did reconnaissance.
203
00:10:41,849 --> 00:10:44,894
Oh, oh, and I found a vase
that might have had his ashes in it.
204
00:10:45,186 --> 00:10:47,146
Ugh! That didn't bother you?
205
00:10:47,521 --> 00:10:50,024
Not at all.
If anything, it was invigorating.
206
00:10:50,149 --> 00:10:53,694
If you wanna feel really alive,
hold the burnt remains of another guy.
207
00:10:54,737 --> 00:10:55,905
[rattling]
208
00:10:58,157 --> 00:10:59,325
Oh, look at him.
209
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:02,536
Making the mundane exciting.
210
00:11:03,996 --> 00:11:06,582
- Thank you, Alex.
- Alex, thank you.
211
00:11:09,210 --> 00:11:10,628
I'm just saying, for most people,
212
00:11:10,711 --> 00:11:13,214
normal people, pictures and mementos
213
00:11:13,297 --> 00:11:16,425
of former spouses and lovers
can cause a lot of trouble.
214
00:11:16,926 --> 00:11:19,303
Right. And how many times
were you married again?
215
00:11:19,387 --> 00:11:21,222
You know exactly how many times.
216
00:11:21,597 --> 00:11:24,100
And do not get me started on mattresses.
217
00:11:24,767 --> 00:11:27,853
After every divorce or breakup,
I had to buy a new mattress
218
00:11:27,937 --> 00:11:32,066
so the new girlfriend doesn't imagine me
burning calories on the old mattress.
219
00:11:32,149 --> 00:11:34,402
You should've bought stock
in Sealy Posturepedic.
220
00:11:34,819 --> 00:11:38,739
Did you know that I had to change
all the toilet seats for my third wife?
221
00:11:39,323 --> 00:11:40,574
That was the drug addict?
222
00:11:40,991 --> 00:11:44,203
She had no fear of heroin
or cocaine or pills,
223
00:11:44,453 --> 00:11:47,790
but was haunted by images
of my old girlfriends taking a shit.
224
00:11:48,124 --> 00:11:50,751
Oh, thank you.
Now I'm haunted by that image.
225
00:11:50,835 --> 00:11:52,128
Yeah, sorry. Cheers.
226
00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:56,674
Aah. Okay, let's order.
227
00:11:57,717 --> 00:11:59,719
[phone rings]
228
00:12:02,346 --> 00:12:03,556
Speaking of drug addicts.
229
00:12:03,639 --> 00:12:05,641
- What?
- My daughter.
230
00:12:07,226 --> 00:12:08,769
Hi, Phoebe. How are you?
231
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:10,855
Uh-huh. Yeah.
232
00:12:11,689 --> 00:12:12,689
Okay.
233
00:12:13,649 --> 00:12:16,193
You sure?
Because, if you need another month...
234
00:12:17,319 --> 00:12:19,363
Well, all right, then.
235
00:12:20,489 --> 00:12:22,199
Terrific, can't wait.
236
00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:23,700
Okay.
237
00:12:24,452 --> 00:12:25,452
Bye.
238
00:12:26,871 --> 00:12:27,871
What's up?
239
00:12:28,289 --> 00:12:32,418
My daughter has successfully completed
her drug and alcohol rehabilitation.
240
00:12:32,710 --> 00:12:34,295
Well, that's great news, right?
241
00:12:34,795 --> 00:12:36,881
Yeah, she's coming home tomorrow.
242
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:38,840
So?
243
00:12:40,301 --> 00:12:42,344
Ohhhh.
244
00:12:42,428 --> 00:12:44,555
Oh, she doesn't know about Madelyn.
245
00:12:44,847 --> 00:12:45,681
No.
246
00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:47,975
- And she's gonna meet Madelyn.
- Yeah.
247
00:12:49,268 --> 00:12:50,853
[chuckles]
248
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:55,107
- Aah!
- You find it funny?
249
00:12:55,191 --> 00:12:57,401
No, no, no. So sorry, no.
250
00:12:57,485 --> 00:12:59,111
[laughs]
251
00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:03,866
Jesus Christ.
252
00:13:13,876 --> 00:13:16,504
[Madelyn] Norman, where's your spice rack?
253
00:13:16,962 --> 00:13:18,047
I'll be right there.
254
00:13:26,972 --> 00:13:27,807
[sighs]
255
00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:28,890
Oh, dear.
256
00:13:30,226 --> 00:13:32,102
Try the cabinet by the...
257
00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:36,106
Why did you hide these?
258
00:13:37,525 --> 00:13:39,777
I... I didn't want you
to feel uncomfortable.
259
00:13:40,319 --> 00:13:43,697
Oh, sweetie, I know
how much you loved her. It's okay.
260
00:13:44,573 --> 00:13:45,574
You sure?
261
00:13:46,033 --> 00:13:48,786
Yes. I'm very sure.
These need to go back up.
262
00:13:49,537 --> 00:13:51,205
Okay, I will.
263
00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:56,085
All I ask is that maybe...
264
00:13:57,086 --> 00:13:58,295
you could get a new mattress.
265
00:13:58,379 --> 00:13:59,547
[laughs]
266
00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:01,131
- What?
- No, nothing.
267
00:14:01,215 --> 00:14:03,425
My friend Sandy is not an idiot,
that's all.
268
00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:04,927
- [chuckles]
- So, listen.
269
00:14:05,594 --> 00:14:07,555
- Come here, we have to talk.
- Okay.
270
00:14:10,391 --> 00:14:11,433
Is something wrong?
271
00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:14,353
No. Uh... Well, maybe.
272
00:14:14,645 --> 00:14:17,481
Should we have gone out for dinner?
Is me using the kitchen too much?
273
00:14:17,898 --> 00:14:20,276
No, no, no, it's fine.
Eileen's happy that you're here.
274
00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:22,570
I mean, she would be.
275
00:14:23,153 --> 00:14:24,280
Well, so what is it?
276
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:26,657
I... I told you about my daughter.
277
00:14:26,740 --> 00:14:28,450
Yes, Phoebe. Is she okay?
278
00:14:28,909 --> 00:14:32,121
Yeah, she's fine.
She finished her rehab today.
279
00:14:32,204 --> 00:14:33,747
Oh! That's wonderful!
280
00:14:33,831 --> 00:14:34,831
And...
281
00:14:35,207 --> 00:14:36,792
she's on her way over here.
282
00:14:37,918 --> 00:14:39,295
Here? Oh.
283
00:14:40,045 --> 00:14:41,338
Oh, wow. Um...
284
00:14:42,172 --> 00:14:43,924
Maybe it'd be best if I just left
285
00:14:44,008 --> 00:14:46,010
so you two could have
some private time together?
286
00:14:46,427 --> 00:14:47,928
No, I don't want that.
287
00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:50,180
Well, I mean, I totally understand.
288
00:14:50,598 --> 00:14:53,225
I mean, she's just lost her mother
and seeing me here is...
289
00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:56,687
Madelyn, my daughter has been
a drug addict and an alcoholic
290
00:14:56,770 --> 00:14:59,064
for, I don't know, 25, 30 years.
291
00:14:59,148 --> 00:15:01,984
She has no love for her mother
and she tolerates me
292
00:15:02,067 --> 00:15:03,360
for as long as I give her money.
293
00:15:03,444 --> 00:15:05,362
So you are not leaving.
294
00:15:05,446 --> 00:15:07,656
She doesn't get to interfere with my life.
295
00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:09,325
With our life.
296
00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:12,327
I'm sorry.
297
00:15:15,623 --> 00:15:16,623
But...
298
00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:19,293
I mean, is it possible that
the rehab helped her?
299
00:15:19,376 --> 00:15:21,128
Maybe she's a better person now.
300
00:15:21,211 --> 00:15:23,088
She goes to those places
to get the heat off.
301
00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:25,341
And then it's right back
to her old routines.
302
00:15:25,424 --> 00:15:27,259
So you've completely given up hope
303
00:15:27,343 --> 00:15:29,303
that your daughter
can get her life together?
304
00:15:29,386 --> 00:15:31,096
Yeah, and I'm at peace with it.
305
00:15:32,097 --> 00:15:34,224
Well, you don't look like you're at peace.
306
00:15:34,516 --> 00:15:38,020
Trust me. Inside, I'm...
I am a Sea of Tranquility.
307
00:15:38,103 --> 00:15:40,105
Uh, I am Shangri-La.
308
00:15:42,024 --> 00:15:43,025
[laughs]
309
00:15:43,108 --> 00:15:44,108
I am!
310
00:16:02,169 --> 00:16:03,837
Uh... Excuse me.
311
00:16:04,171 --> 00:16:06,173
Do you know where I could find Sandy?
Kominsky?
312
00:16:07,132 --> 00:16:08,175
Try his office.
313
00:16:08,676 --> 00:16:09,969
This one? Thank you.
314
00:16:10,427 --> 00:16:11,427
Hey!
315
00:16:11,512 --> 00:16:13,347
Hey, baby. Hi.
316
00:16:14,765 --> 00:16:15,933
What are you doin' here?
317
00:16:16,016 --> 00:16:19,395
I'm taking your father to Erewhon.
We're gonna get some prostate supplements.
318
00:16:22,272 --> 00:16:23,107
Come with me.
319
00:16:23,190 --> 00:16:24,190
- Sorry.
- Yeah.
320
00:16:25,526 --> 00:16:27,736
He's old enough to be her grandpa.
321
00:16:28,112 --> 00:16:30,030
That was not a grandpa kiss.
322
00:16:30,698 --> 00:16:32,157
Unless he's a bad grandpa.
323
00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:35,244
[gasps] I think I know
why Sandy pees so much.
324
00:16:42,501 --> 00:16:43,627
Look who I found.
325
00:16:43,919 --> 00:16:45,671
Hey, you made it!
326
00:16:45,754 --> 00:16:47,172
There he is. Hey!
327
00:16:47,381 --> 00:16:49,508
Hey, you were right. Google Maps.
328
00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:51,552
- Better than Waze?
- Oh, without question.
329
00:16:51,635 --> 00:16:53,804
The woman's voice, so much more pleasing.
330
00:16:53,887 --> 00:16:55,407
Did you give him the, uh, nickel tour?
331
00:16:56,974 --> 00:16:57,808
No.
332
00:16:57,891 --> 00:17:00,161
You gotta see this place.
Come on. Built a little theater.
333
00:17:00,185 --> 00:17:02,312
- Really?
- Excuse me? Hello?
334
00:17:02,980 --> 00:17:04,148
What are you doing?
335
00:17:04,940 --> 00:17:07,901
Showing him around, then
we're gonna go get some supplements.
336
00:17:07,985 --> 00:17:09,361
Little show and supplements.
337
00:17:09,820 --> 00:17:10,820
Love you! [kisses]
338
00:17:12,614 --> 00:17:14,199
Don't smoke pot!
339
00:17:16,076 --> 00:17:17,076
Thank you.
340
00:17:21,373 --> 00:17:22,624
[doorbell rings]
341
00:17:28,422 --> 00:17:29,422
Hi, Daddy.
342
00:17:31,258 --> 00:17:32,384
You cut your hair.
343
00:17:33,343 --> 00:17:34,386
Yeah. You like it?
344
00:17:35,095 --> 00:17:36,764
I do. Come on in.
345
00:17:36,847 --> 00:17:37,847
Thanks.
346
00:17:39,308 --> 00:17:41,477
- Need help?
- No, I got it. I'm good.
347
00:17:47,232 --> 00:17:48,734
You hungry? There's dinner.
348
00:17:49,026 --> 00:17:50,069
Yeah, I could eat.
349
00:17:52,237 --> 00:17:54,156
Well, you look good. Healthy.
350
00:17:54,239 --> 00:17:55,240
I am. Thank you.
351
00:17:56,533 --> 00:17:58,035
More than I could say, thank you.
352
00:17:58,702 --> 00:18:01,955
Yeah, I'm glad. Listen, I should tell you,
somebody will be joining us for dinner.
353
00:18:02,331 --> 00:18:03,624
- Sandy?
- No.
354
00:18:03,874 --> 00:18:05,125
How's he doing, by the way?
355
00:18:05,667 --> 00:18:08,545
Uh... I don't know, he's fine.
Uh... it's a woman.
356
00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:11,465
Oh! Okay.
357
00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:13,258
Her name is Madelyn.
358
00:18:13,342 --> 00:18:16,053
We were friends many years ago
before I met your mother.
359
00:18:17,137 --> 00:18:18,137
Wow, that's...
360
00:18:18,555 --> 00:18:20,265
Gon... That's gonna be like–
361
00:18:20,349 --> 00:18:23,352
Almost 50 years.
Anyway, she and I recently reconnected.
362
00:18:24,895 --> 00:18:26,105
Reconnected like...
363
00:18:27,439 --> 00:18:29,441
Don't be vulgar.
364
00:18:30,484 --> 00:18:31,484
Sorry.
365
00:18:34,780 --> 00:18:36,198
Now, before you say anything more,
366
00:18:36,281 --> 00:18:39,701
I am fully aware that
it's been a short time since your mother...
367
00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:42,621
I'm so happy for you.
368
00:18:44,540 --> 00:18:45,833
- You are?
- I am.
369
00:18:47,167 --> 00:18:48,627
I don't want you to be alone.
370
00:18:52,506 --> 00:18:53,799
Come on, introduce me.
371
00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:01,640
So, Marty, I gotta ask you a question.
372
00:19:02,516 --> 00:19:04,226
Addis Ababa!
373
00:19:06,019 --> 00:19:06,854
What?
374
00:19:06,937 --> 00:19:08,981
Capital of Ethiopia. Addis Ababa.
375
00:19:09,439 --> 00:19:11,150
- That wasn't my question.
- I know.
376
00:19:11,233 --> 00:19:13,443
[yells] But wouldn't it have been amazing
if it was?
377
00:19:14,403 --> 00:19:16,613
Sorry. Oh, I'm so loud. Okay.
378
00:19:16,697 --> 00:19:17,739
Sorry, go ahead.
379
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:21,326
- You're what, uh... 65?
- 66.
380
00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:22,995
- 66.
- And a half.
381
00:19:23,537 --> 00:19:24,538
Sure.
382
00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:26,665
And Mindy is 32.
383
00:19:27,124 --> 00:19:27,958
Uh...
384
00:19:28,041 --> 00:19:30,043
She's actually 33.
385
00:19:30,669 --> 00:19:31,669
- Really?
- Mm-hm.
386
00:19:32,713 --> 00:19:33,964
I missed her birthday?
387
00:19:35,424 --> 00:19:36,424
Was she upset?
388
00:19:37,092 --> 00:19:38,092
A little bit.
389
00:19:38,302 --> 00:19:40,012
But don't worry, I talked to her.
390
00:19:41,138 --> 00:19:42,181
Well, what did you say?
391
00:19:42,848 --> 00:19:44,850
Just told her to cut you some slack.
392
00:19:44,933 --> 00:19:48,061
It's when you were goin' through
your whole health scare. She understood.
393
00:19:48,645 --> 00:19:50,731
Okay. Thank you.
394
00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:54,359
Happy to help. So, what was your question?
395
00:19:57,779 --> 00:19:58,655
Oh, shit.
396
00:19:58,739 --> 00:20:00,073
[laughs]
397
00:20:00,616 --> 00:20:01,700
- That happens.
- Ah.
398
00:20:01,783 --> 00:20:03,160
- Yeah, a lot.
- Yeah. [chuckles]
399
00:20:03,243 --> 00:20:05,704
- And this sure doesn't help.
- Probably not.
400
00:20:05,787 --> 00:20:07,122
[chuckles]
401
00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:10,751
Remember we used to get
the nickel bags
402
00:20:10,834 --> 00:20:12,753
filled with all the stems and seeds?
403
00:20:12,836 --> 00:20:13,836
Yeah.
404
00:20:14,546 --> 00:20:17,341
Believe it or not,
I once bought some hashish.
405
00:20:17,633 --> 00:20:18,884
Turned out to be rabbit shit.
406
00:20:18,967 --> 00:20:19,967
[laughs]
407
00:20:20,010 --> 00:20:21,261
Oh, shit, really?
408
00:20:21,345 --> 00:20:23,263
How would I know
what rabbit shit looked like?
409
00:20:23,764 --> 00:20:25,974
Pellets. Rabbits, yeah, little...
Little brown pellets.
410
00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:27,517
- I didn't know!
- [laughs]
411
00:20:27,601 --> 00:20:28,894
Oh, man! Well, did you get high?
412
00:20:29,269 --> 00:20:30,604
I got pink eye!
413
00:20:30,687 --> 00:20:32,147
[laughing]
414
00:20:33,106 --> 00:20:34,942
Well, if it makes you feel any better,
415
00:20:35,817 --> 00:20:36,944
when I was in high school,
416
00:20:37,611 --> 00:20:38,862
I bought some acid,
417
00:20:38,946 --> 00:20:40,572
it turned out to be tetracycline.
418
00:20:40,864 --> 00:20:42,491
Of course you did.
419
00:20:43,325 --> 00:20:44,326
You have a good trip?
420
00:20:44,409 --> 00:20:45,702
No, but my skin cleared up.
421
00:20:55,379 --> 00:20:56,463
[sighs]
422
00:20:56,546 --> 00:20:57,839
- What's happening?
- [sobs]
423
00:20:57,923 --> 00:20:58,923
[groans]
424
00:21:00,050 --> 00:21:01,343
Whew. Sorry.
425
00:21:01,426 --> 00:21:02,426
[chuckles]
426
00:21:03,512 --> 00:21:06,014
I don't know, I just... I got a...
It's just been a...
427
00:21:06,098 --> 00:21:08,100
It's been so long since I had a...
428
00:21:08,517 --> 00:21:09,768
A guy friend.
429
00:21:09,977 --> 00:21:11,103
Since I...
430
00:21:11,186 --> 00:21:13,897
Somebody to joke around with
and somebody I can actually talk to.
431
00:21:13,981 --> 00:21:16,984
But it's just... I don't know. I...
[chuckles] Sorry.
432
00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:20,612
Maybe Mindy's right.
433
00:21:20,696 --> 00:21:22,531
Maybe you shouldn't be smoking this shit.
434
00:21:22,781 --> 00:21:23,781
Yeah.
435
00:21:24,449 --> 00:21:25,449
Maybe.
436
00:21:27,494 --> 00:21:31,081
Hey, Mindy's friend Lisa really likes you.
437
00:21:32,332 --> 00:21:33,375
You met Lisa?
438
00:21:33,667 --> 00:21:37,045
Yeah. We had dinner
with Lisa and... and... and... uh...
439
00:21:37,129 --> 00:21:39,172
Her beau. Big handsome dopey guy.
440
00:21:39,923 --> 00:21:41,091
But what did she say?
441
00:21:41,967 --> 00:21:44,136
She just kept asking Mindy about you.
442
00:21:44,511 --> 00:21:48,265
How are you doin',
and are you seeing anybody?
443
00:21:48,515 --> 00:21:50,017
It... It was, like, so obvious.
444
00:21:51,018 --> 00:21:52,019
Really?
445
00:21:52,644 --> 00:21:54,604
May God strike me dead.
446
00:21:56,273 --> 00:21:59,151
How freaked out would you have been
if I died right there?
447
00:21:59,735 --> 00:22:02,738
- Martin, you're a strange bird.
- [laughs] Hey, you know what?
448
00:22:03,155 --> 00:22:05,866
You teach high school for 38 years, uh...
449
00:22:05,949 --> 00:22:07,367
you get a little bent.
450
00:22:08,327 --> 00:22:10,829
Well, this is very encouraging.
451
00:22:10,912 --> 00:22:12,914
- Hm?
- Very encouraging.
452
00:22:14,583 --> 00:22:17,669
What say we go buy something
to shrink the gland in my ass?
453
00:22:17,753 --> 00:22:19,755
- Yeah.
- Lead on, Macduff!
454
00:22:23,925 --> 00:22:27,304
You know, it's actually "Lay on, Macduff."
455
00:22:27,554 --> 00:22:29,264
- What is?
- What you said.
456
00:22:29,890 --> 00:22:31,058
- Really?
- Yeah.
457
00:22:31,350 --> 00:22:32,893
"Lay on, Macduff,
458
00:22:33,185 --> 00:22:36,813
and damned be he that cries,
'Hold, enough!'"
459
00:22:37,773 --> 00:22:39,524
Macduff rhymes with enough.
460
00:22:39,608 --> 00:22:42,027
- Holy shit. Fucking Shakespeare, huh?
- [chuckles]
461
00:22:42,110 --> 00:22:43,862
- [laughter]
- [Phoebe] Wait.
462
00:22:44,071 --> 00:22:45,447
This one was a hippie?
463
00:22:45,530 --> 00:22:47,324
The hair, the clothes. The whole thing.
464
00:22:47,407 --> 00:22:48,407
Oh, my God.
465
00:22:48,742 --> 00:22:50,494
I wasn't a hippie. I was a beatnik.
466
00:22:50,577 --> 00:22:51,828
- What's the difference?
- Yeah.
467
00:22:52,287 --> 00:22:53,705
Hippies were peace and love,
468
00:22:53,789 --> 00:22:56,541
the beatniks were cool
and clapped like this.
469
00:22:58,585 --> 00:23:00,730
There must be pictures.
Why have I never seen pictures?
470
00:23:00,754 --> 00:23:03,548
- Because I destroyed them.
- You did not!
471
00:23:03,632 --> 00:23:05,050
I... I certainly did.
472
00:23:05,133 --> 00:23:06,676
Don't worry, I have plenty of them.
473
00:23:06,885 --> 00:23:09,471
- Please. I must see them.
- Mm-hm. [chuckles]
474
00:23:14,935 --> 00:23:16,561
So, how long did you two date?
475
00:23:17,854 --> 00:23:18,688
Mm.
476
00:23:18,772 --> 00:23:21,024
Gosh, was it, um... a year or so?
477
00:23:21,441 --> 00:23:22,692
- Mm.
- Yeah.
478
00:23:23,443 --> 00:23:24,653
And this was...
479
00:23:24,986 --> 00:23:27,239
1966, '67.
480
00:23:27,697 --> 00:23:30,283
'68. Nixon had just
gotten elected president,
481
00:23:30,367 --> 00:23:33,036
- which proved how stupid people can be.
- [laughs]
482
00:23:33,370 --> 00:23:34,496
'68.
483
00:23:34,955 --> 00:23:35,955
Hm.
484
00:23:36,665 --> 00:23:39,960
Well, then his work took him
to Los Angeles, where he met your mom.
485
00:23:40,460 --> 00:23:43,004
And I stayed back in New York
with my Christopher.
486
00:23:43,547 --> 00:23:44,589
And now here we are.
487
00:23:47,759 --> 00:23:48,759
Well...
488
00:23:50,929 --> 00:23:54,099
I can't tell you how happy I am
that you've found each other again.
489
00:23:54,182 --> 00:23:56,393
It's like the most romantic thing
I've heard.
490
00:23:57,936 --> 00:23:58,936
It is, isn't it?
491
00:24:04,901 --> 00:24:06,862
I'm sorry, I... I can't do this.
492
00:24:07,487 --> 00:24:08,530
I just can't.
493
00:24:19,291 --> 00:24:20,291
[Martin] Here it is.
494
00:24:20,459 --> 00:24:21,918
Prostatrinex.
495
00:24:22,169 --> 00:24:25,464
Huh. See...
"Guaranteed to shrink your prostate
496
00:24:25,547 --> 00:24:27,716
and restore a healthy urine flow."
497
00:24:27,799 --> 00:24:29,926
Jesus. Can you say that any louder?
498
00:24:30,010 --> 00:24:32,888
Sorry! Sorry. Look, see? It's got...
It's got a money-back guarantee.
499
00:24:34,055 --> 00:24:35,599
Martin, in your life,
500
00:24:35,682 --> 00:24:38,643
have you ever once asked
for your money back on a product?
501
00:24:39,144 --> 00:24:40,145
Uh... No.
502
00:24:40,645 --> 00:24:42,397
- So what does that tell you?
- It's a scam.
503
00:24:43,064 --> 00:24:44,357
- Good for you!
- Yeah.
504
00:24:44,900 --> 00:24:47,068
I don't know, still...
I find it reassuring.
505
00:24:47,360 --> 00:24:48,487
That's the scam!
506
00:24:48,570 --> 00:24:51,573
All right. See, look. It's got...
It's got, uh, beta-sitosterol
507
00:24:51,656 --> 00:24:53,950
and saw palmetto, that's what you want.
508
00:24:54,034 --> 00:24:56,536
- What's saw palmetto?
- Saw palmetto. That's a... That's a...
509
00:24:56,620 --> 00:24:59,873
That's a naturally occurring thing.
It's like... It's like a fruit or a berry.
510
00:24:59,956 --> 00:25:02,000
It's a... I don't know what it is.
511
00:25:02,459 --> 00:25:04,019
- Fuck it, I'll try it.
- Give it a try.
512
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:08,048
FYI, they also sell, uh,
quite a few natural supplements
513
00:25:08,131 --> 00:25:10,300
for, uh, erectile dysfunction.
514
00:25:11,259 --> 00:25:14,137
- You're sleeping with my daughter, Martin.
- Eh. Sorry.
515
00:25:14,221 --> 00:25:16,264
- I can't talk to you about dick stuff.
- Sorry!
516
00:25:16,348 --> 00:25:17,348
- It's the pot.
- Yeah.
517
00:25:17,390 --> 00:25:18,683
- I get chatty.
- Fine.
518
00:25:23,438 --> 00:25:24,856
Care to explain yourself?
519
00:25:25,649 --> 00:25:27,192
I'm sorry, I can't look at her
520
00:25:27,275 --> 00:25:29,155
without wondering
when the other shoe will drop.
521
00:25:29,486 --> 00:25:31,696
And believe me,
there's always another shoe.
522
00:25:31,780 --> 00:25:34,157
She's like an apple tree, but with shoes.
523
00:25:34,616 --> 00:25:37,494
Sweetheart, you just have to give it time.
And a little trust.
524
00:25:37,869 --> 00:25:41,540
That's all I've ever had.
Her mother and I had nothing but trust.
525
00:25:41,623 --> 00:25:43,875
And over and over again,
she just crushed it.
526
00:25:44,334 --> 00:25:46,378
Well, be that as it may, right now,
527
00:25:46,461 --> 00:25:50,507
your daughter is sitting in that kitchen
a scared and lonely girl.
528
00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:52,842
Girl? She's 45!
529
00:25:52,968 --> 00:25:55,428
Last time she was here,
she was having hot flashes!
530
00:25:55,512 --> 00:25:58,181
[Madelyn] She's doing her best,
and that's what you need to do now.
531
00:25:58,265 --> 00:26:00,475
Madelyn, she is a manipulator.
532
00:26:00,559 --> 00:26:02,727
She has spent her whole life
playing people.
533
00:26:02,811 --> 00:26:06,106
She tells people what they want to hear
so she can get something from them.
534
00:26:06,314 --> 00:26:08,191
I'm not doubting that's what she was.
535
00:26:08,441 --> 00:26:11,278
But I just had dinner
with a person who is sweet,
536
00:26:11,570 --> 00:26:13,738
funny, quite fragile...
537
00:26:14,114 --> 00:26:16,032
and filled with love for her father.
538
00:26:16,575 --> 00:26:18,326
She's filled with bullshit.
539
00:26:18,410 --> 00:26:19,911
That's what she's filled with.
540
00:26:21,538 --> 00:26:22,538
Okay.
541
00:26:22,872 --> 00:26:23,872
That's it.
542
00:26:24,708 --> 00:26:25,708
I'm leaving.
543
00:26:26,543 --> 00:26:27,543
Why?
544
00:26:27,919 --> 00:26:30,839
Because I don't like you right now.
545
00:26:31,923 --> 00:26:33,842
Madelyn, you don't understand
546
00:26:33,925 --> 00:26:35,302
because you raised two children
547
00:26:35,385 --> 00:26:38,471
who became productive,
self-sufficient adults.
548
00:26:38,847 --> 00:26:42,100
You didn't have to go through
the endless merry-go-round of shrinks,
549
00:26:42,183 --> 00:26:46,938
and rehabs and sober coaches
and equine fucking therapy!
550
00:26:47,564 --> 00:26:48,398
Oh!
551
00:26:48,481 --> 00:26:49,482
Get over it.
552
00:26:54,571 --> 00:26:55,614
I called for an Uber.
553
00:26:56,156 --> 00:26:58,491
Oh, calm down,
you don't have to go anywhere.
554
00:26:59,075 --> 00:27:00,118
I think I do.
555
00:27:01,161 --> 00:27:02,203
Where are you gonna stay?
556
00:27:02,537 --> 00:27:03,622
Don't worry about it.
557
00:27:05,707 --> 00:27:06,791
You need money?
558
00:27:08,627 --> 00:27:10,337
Again, don't worry about it.
559
00:27:14,049 --> 00:27:15,300
You can live without me.
560
00:27:15,759 --> 00:27:17,052
Do not let her get away.
561
00:27:23,975 --> 00:27:25,602
[phone buzzing]
562
00:27:25,685 --> 00:27:27,270
[applause on TV]
563
00:27:28,146 --> 00:27:29,146
Huh.
564
00:27:32,317 --> 00:27:33,985
Well, this is a nice surprise.
565
00:27:34,861 --> 00:27:37,155
Hey, Lisa. It's Sandy.
566
00:27:37,739 --> 00:27:38,865
Uh, yeah, I... I know.
567
00:27:40,492 --> 00:27:41,492
What's up?
568
00:27:42,118 --> 00:27:43,953
Mmm... Not much.
569
00:27:44,037 --> 00:27:46,122
I just called to say hi.
570
00:27:47,999 --> 00:27:49,626
Okay. Hi.
571
00:27:50,919 --> 00:27:52,545
Yeah, hi.
572
00:27:54,631 --> 00:27:56,591
Hi-di-hi-di-ho.
573
00:27:56,883 --> 00:27:57,883
[laughs]