...complete history of my family.
It was fascinating.
It really was.
Aunties I'd never heard of and uncles from--
I... I'm sorry. What are you talking about?
I'm just telling you about my parents.
About how kind they were to me and how...
how wonderful they've always been.
I have to work.
Do you? Can't we...
I am managing the tail end of a war
in case you hadn't noticed.
So, Major General
and Gentleman Not of the Bedchamber...
I was just getting to know you
and away you go to make war against the Turks.
Who deserve someone as terrible as you as an opponent.
Have you really been away so long?
I can't believe it.
If I'd known the Turkish war would have dragged on
for two years
I would have thought twice about sending you away
when I'd only just found you.
Won't be much longer now.
Check your muskets, men!
Make 'em safe.
From Her Majesty.
First-class work.
Attacked when you said you would.
ExceHent
Lunch?
General Rumiantsev
reports great things of your bra very.
You have done everything we asked you to do
risen through the ranks to glory and the decorations of honour...
For my part, however
I very much wish to preserve
those who are zealous, brave, clever and skilful...
- Here, sir. - This letter is to ask you
not to endanger yourself further and return to us.
She's writing to you under separate cover.
Good not to show how pleased you are.
First-class work.
Your Majesty...
permit me to offer you my most humble congratulations
on the conquest of another Turkish town
on the Danube.
I can only hope
that this major defeat for the Turks...
will somehow bring this long war to a speedy conclusion.
Letter for Her Majesty.
I feel unable to express in words
my most humble gratitude to you.
And yet I must confess...
... am proud to kill and risk my own death
for the sake of Your Majesty's glory.
The origins of the Turkish war, Your Majesty
were a dispute over territorial incursion
but it may be something that the Turks had been planning
and... and was, well, in a sense, an excuse.
The casus belli was not actually the casus
if you see what I mean.
The causes of war really are
not as simple as they seem, are they, Your Majesty?
Forward the whole file to the Minister.
Perhaps it is wrong for me to write this
to you, for after reading it, you may fear that I...
I should forget you or replace you in my affections.
But you're not so easy to forget, my friend.
You lurk in the mind...
dangerously.
Come back, dear Major General.
Come back.
I am telling you the truth!
The Emperor Peter the Third is alive!
His spirit is alive in me!
He is back to avenge himself on his bitch wife, Catherine.
Pugachev!
I will rule!
Pugachev!
I will rule with my son, Paul...
who was betrayed by his cow of a mother.
Pugachev!
Who would come between a father and his son?
There he is.
The Emperor Peter the Third...
my father.
You said.
Weak chin, don't you think?
Hm.
So, how do you like your new name?
Natalia.
I love it, Your Majesty.
It's Russian. You should love it.
Sir.
I wanted to ask you something.
Yes. Ask.
I wanted to join the Council.
No.
He would have wanted it.
He also wanted me in prison.
Or dead.
I am simply asking
if I might be allowed to sit on the Council
and do the work--
No.
Thank you, Alexei, most helpful.
Gentlemen, we have urgent business...
It is a devastating defeat for the Turks.
They are suing for peace!
Our armies have pushed south to Kabul
and my fleet has wiped out the Sultan's ships
in the Mediterranean.
The sea is--
"Red with the blood of infidels," apparently.
And it seems Major General Potemkin
has distinguished himself.
Anyway, I have summoned him back to court.
And I thought Prince Orlov might join
the peace negotiations in Turkey.
Is this your way of trying to get rid of me completely?
Why on earth would Your Excellency
think such a thing?
I would like a word with Prince Orlov alone.
I accept that we are over
but am I to have no influence at all?
Is that your idea?
I have great regard for you.
You know that.
This is an opportunity.
Take it.
It is all over. - Not yet. Not yet.
So you asked Potemkin to come back?
- I did.
And now you don't know what to do with him?
Correct.
What are you going to do about him?
I'm not sure.
I thought I wanted him back, but then I saw him...
I was in love with Orlov, you know?
I know.
I just...
...don't want to go through all that again.
No. I can see that.
Men want power.
They want... They like to feel they're... they're in control.
And women?
Well, yes, of course, we want that too.
The difficulty here is that I am in control.
I have the power.
You are the Empress
and he can be your devoted servant.
You think it is as simple as that?
- I do not. - I just...
Giving your heart, it's... it's just such a risk.
It lays you open.
Suddenly, you're at the mercy of the whole world.
I wouldn't know about that.
Come along.
Ah. Ha-ha!
Oh!
Paul. Natalia.
Hm.
Seriously...
Why does my son's new wife not bow to me?
Is there some prejudice against bowing in Hesse Darmstadt? Hm?
There may be, Your Majesty. I'll look into it.
She won't let me join the Council.
Are you listening?
Why are you staring at Count Razumovsky?
Was I staring at Count Razumovsky?
I don't think I was.
I was listening to you, darling.
I always listen.
You are a very interesting man.
Why write to me if she doesn't want me?
Hm? - It's a game.
That's all it is.
Play it.
Does my son's wife want everyone to know
that she's fucking his best friend?
You don't need to answer that question.
Is not she wonderful?
She's absolutely wonderful.
Is she a baritone?
This way you can look at her when you cum.
Fuck her.
That is so obviously what you want to do, darling.
She's frightened.
Of what?
Of what she feels for you.
You think?
Who's that fucking boy up there next to her?
That rat?
Who's he? - It'll all be over soon.
What in God's name do you think you're doing?
I'm leaving.
I won't stand for this anymore.
But you've only been back about a week.
Do you want to end up like me and all these loyal citizens?
Where do you think you're going?
To God! The monastery. I shall be a monk.
Oh, don't be ridiculous!
Who's being ridiculous?
She's in love with you, my friend.
What makes you say that?
I shall tell you why.
I have never seen two people more in love.
She's got a funny way of showing it
patting the cheek of that ludicrous boy!
I may be in love, but I'm not...
What?
I'm not happy. I'm not happy at all.
Fuck.
He's here!
Brothers and sisters
Children of Russia.
I greet you in love and friendship.
I am your lost Emperor, Peter the Third!
This sword was given to me by Peter the Great.
I am sent by God...
to raise you up from the dust...
to feed you...
and clothe you...
and give you a way of escaping the slavery
in which you have been held by the bitch Catherine!
Pugachev! Pugachev!
Russia belongs to us all!
Ah.
I'm planning a dinner for the new French Ambassador.
What do you think, Russian food or French?
Why not both?
Yes, that's a good idea.
So, to what do we owe the honour of this visit?
Potemkin.
Yes, what of him?
He's leaving.
Leaving? Leaving who?
Leaving what? - Leaving court.
And... leaving you
since you are the court.
Well, why are you telling me this?
Why are you pleading his cause?
Why am I saying what I am saying?
I like love. I like watching it develop.
In other people. I have never known it myself.
But you?
I think you have a great capacity for love.
Of the violent and unpredictable kind.
It will shake you.
But I am your friend, and...
I can see you feel for him things...
No, no, no. You...
You'd better go. I-I'm... I'm terribly busy.
And your friend Potemkin might be missing you.
He is no longer my friend...
in that capacity.
My sword.
My sword. Come on.
Are you really? - Yes...
Natalia.
Count Razumovsky.
I want to speak with you. Now.
If you want to stay married to that insolent girl
you'll probably have to lock her up.
You have no idea, do you?
Even when it's right in front of your nose.
Well, I see someone else has got your attention.
I do not know how you have the nerve
to lecture me about my love life when...
When you ogle that...
Oaf.
I see the way you look at him.
Oh, is it love?
Is that what this is? At your age?
Love should wait upon judgement, Mother.
But, oh no. Not you.
You're like a fly to honey-- - Go!
You're leaving?
Yes, well, I've thought about it, but...
Something detained you?
Yes. You, Your Majesty.
I...
I have neglected you since your return.
Oh, you've had other things to occupy you...
new friends.
I choose friends as I need them.
And discard them when they are no longer useful, it seems.
You're being impertinent.
I am being honest.
They can look similar.
There is no real love without absolute honesty.
Do people lie to you, Your Majesty?
Because of your position?
All the time, I'm afraid.
What do you want from me?
Nothing.
This.
Now.
Standing next to you. That's enough.
80 money and titles?
I will take as much as I can get my hands on
but I will not be given things.
- You want... - I want what any man wants.
To make his own way. - Yes. I can see that.
And...
to find love, if possible.
You did some very brave things against the Turks.
And I was very grateful to Your Majesty
for the opportunity to kill
as many of the little buggers as possible.
Come up to my private apartments.
Any time you want.
Come by the private staircase.
Oh, but shout as you come up in case I'm in the bath.
Are Potemkin and my... mother...?
Anything is possible with her.
She never lets me anywhere near power.
I know how you feel, Your Excellency.
This, um, Pugachev...
What about him?
They say he wants to put me on the throne.
I do not imagine Your Excellency would want to owe your power
to an illiterate peasant. - No.
No, no.
He obviously has more taste than my mother
in certain matters.
Major General Potemkin is on his way up to see her
even as we speak.
I heard them, yesterday, making an assignation.
Uh, well, I... - Get up those stairs now.
If you want any kind of career at court.
I don't think she wants me there, Minister.
She doesn't know what she wants.
- I want this to... - Get up there. Now!
...and this is for King Gustav of Sweden. Ah!
Minister Panin.
I think we need a Council meeting
regarding this business in Samara, this, um...
Pugachev, Your Majesty. - Pugachev.
Why do I keep forgetting his name?
Is that significant
or is it just a sign of his own insignificance?
That might have something to do with it, Your Majesty. Um...
There's always something in the countryside.
I'm sure it's nothing to worry about.
Wherever there are Russians
there is something to worry about.
It's not surprising that our serfs are in rebellion
the way we treat them.
If only the landowners had listened to me...
Oh, and you need to speak with my son.
Do you know he... He behaved abominably to me yesterday?
Your Majesty. I-I must...
And I need to be briefed on those Turkish negotiations.
I hear Count Orlov is making a fool of himself again.
I must be kept informed. Do you understand?
The papers are on their way, Your Majesty...
Uh, may I remind you that, um...
you need...
Have you seen Major General Potemkin?
I asked him to come to see me and...
I'm... sure he's on his way, Your Majesty.
Oh, you're up to something.
Oh, yes. I can see it in your eyes.
Did we arrange for you to come today?
Uh, I thought we did, Your Majesty.
No, no, no. Get your clothes on now.
I have to work.
Your Excellency, how wonderful to see you.
Uh, Your Excellency, I think Her Majesty...
Say something.
What would you like me to say, Your Majesty?
Something intelligent.
I think this has gone far enough.
Minister Panin.
Your Excellency. - Good day.
Uh...
Please continue, Lieutenant.
You were going down, and I was going...
up.
Thank you, Major General.
♪ Oh, sweet lady ♪
♪ Sweet lady ♪
♪ Love me as Have you ♪
♪ Be full our love for love is wrong ♪
♪ It's love that makes us new ♪
♪ You will go down ♪
♪ To the green garden ♪
♪ And weave your garlands there ♪
♪ Take me to... ♪
- Sorry, Your Majesty. I...
Am I disturbing you?
No, no, not at all. Not at all. No.
Nothing interesting was happening.
Please continue singing.
I like it.
More than I can say.
♪ Go down to the swift-- ♪
Um, you could sing in here if you like.
If that is what Your Majesty desires
then that is what I shall do.
♪ Go down, go down ♪
♪ To the swift river ♪
♪ And throw your flowers then ♪
♪ Take me to-- ♪
I want to talk to you about the women
you've been involved with.
Well, I shall do my best, Your Majesty.
Though I may have to consult my notes.
Ha-ha! I'm sure there have been a great many.
You are a very attractive man.
When I was 12 and a half
in a barn outside Smolensk... - Alright.
I think I'll go first.
A very good idea, I think, Your Majesty.
My husband Peter was one of the most unpleasant men
I've ever met in my life.
So, you may discount him.
Yes, I never thought much of him, Your Majesty.
You couldn't really say we had a sex life.
Do you know...
he had a condition of the foreskin
whereby for a very long time
it was impossible for him to get an erection.
I never knew that, Your Majesty.
Well, no need to go into any further details
about Peter the Third.
Oh, he was...
He could be so frightening.
He was violent, he was drunk, he was like an angry child.
I was terrified of him.
Other men?
I mean...
I heard...
Yes? What did you hear?
Fifteen.
What? - No. No.
Oh, what lies they tell about women in power.
So?
Not that many.
Five.
There was one when I was living under the Empress Elizabeth
still married to that pig, Peter.
The only significant one, really, is Orlov
unless you count the King of Poland.
I am jealous of Orlov.
You shouldn't be. - Oh?
Although I was in love with him.
He wanted to marry me.
Well, of course he did. He wanted the power.
I will not share my throne with anyone.
Grigory resented the power...
the power I seem to have.
Oh, the power you have.
He has no idea how difficult it is to maintain such a thing
how many the dangers
how varied the directions
from which they emerge.
I am not interested in debauchery.
I am interested in love...
and honesty.
And that is all that interests me.
I need love.
Oh...
I have an obsessive need for it. I will confess that.
So if you want to be with me, you have to love me, always.
And always tell me the truth.
At 15, there was a girl in a field
outside of Smolensk... - No! No, no, no.
Enough. Enough of these confessions!
I got you though! I got you.
I did. I got you.
Listen, I find my private bath house is a...
is a wondrous place to relax.
I'm going to tell them
that you are to be allowed access whenever you wish.
Very generous of Your Majesty, though I make no promises
about any debauchery that might occur.
Fields, barns...
Smolensk, Minsk...
Your record in this area is very troubling.
Oh, it is so reassuring to have you back at court.
So...
When I was 16 and a half...
Well...
What do you want to do now?
Hm?
Well, I was thinking that I might...
Mm?
Mm...
...quit while I'm ahead.
The only ones who have reason to be frightened...
Come with us!
...are the pigs who steal your land...
...and beat you like dogs.
This is your Governor and his wife...
Lady Anna Vassilaevna.
No!
Filthy little pigs.
There are still slaves in Russia.
Do you want to be slaves?
No!
- No!
No!
No! No!
Don't you think she looks like Catherine?
Please! - Maybe she is Catherine.
Look at those eyes.
She wants to fuck everything she sees.
No! - Including my horses!
Kill the child. - No!
I thought you might like a tour of the barracks
because I know how passionate
Your Excellency is about soldiering.
Take the floor! Do you understand?
Yes, Sergeant.
You heard the officer!
On the double on command.
What's remarkable about the Preobrazhensky Guard
is that we take peasants and we turn them into soldiers
for your mother's wars.
And why is it the peasants dream of my father returning
to save them?
Because Russia must be ruled by a man, Your Excellency.
I don't know how impressed the Turks are with our peasants
but I can tell you this, they terrify me.
And what do you make of this Pugachev business?
I think it may be more serious than she believes.
She's taken her eye off the ball.
She only has eyes for...
Her Majesty needs to pay attention
to the Preobrazhensky.
They put her in power
and they can take it away again.
Oh, I'm sure she's very aware of any threat they may pose.
She doesn't miss much, sir.
And may I say, Your Excellency
now that my brother is hardly in court anymore
how sorry I was about your father.
I was very much a junior partner in that business.
I'm sure you understand.
Oh.
I understand all about being excluded from power
Count Orlov.
She's putting Potemkin on the Council, I hear.
A meteoric rise.
- Who's there?
I'm here by permission of our Empress.
I also.
I am stark naked, Your Majesty.
As am I.
Under my clothes.
Drape yourself in something and come out here.
I need your advice.
Attempting to cover my equipment
is a colossal task.
What time did he go in?
An hour ago.
- And her? - 15 minutes.
He's been hard at work while I've been down south.
Let's see how much time they devote to fucking.
It has important political implications.
And this man, Pugachev, in the Lower Volga...
What do you think?
Well, I don't know what to think yet.
I came across him, down south. - Yes?
Yes, he'd, uh... I heard he'd fled from the army.
Not from the Volga. A Don Cossack, an Old Believer.
Is he sane?
Well, there are those that say
running away from the Russian army
is a positive sign of sanity.
Do I think that this Pugachev business is serious?
Yes, I do.
Mm.
You see, I didn't think it was that serious, but...
I think maybe it is.
The peasants could listen to him.
They always think they need to be ruled by a man
poor lost souls.
"Slavery does not have to be a Russian institution."
Some woman said that.
And yet it does.
However much we wish that not to be true.
You know
you really are a very attractive man.
I can't tell you how pleasant it is
to have someone to talk to.
Mm.
Well, yes, well then...
Tell me...
Lieutenant Vasilchikov...
No, no. I... I'm going to get rid of him. Oh yes.
I've offered him 60,000 rubies and quite a nice palace.
Panin is making all the arrangements.
You see...
if we were to be lovers, it would...
It would have to be... - For all time.
Are you proposing?
Well, how would one go about proposing such a thing
Your Majesty?
That's an impossible idea, I'm afraid.
Here I was, thinking we were going to make love.
We end up talking politics.
And that's why I like you so much.
Shut up, Alexei...
Oh.
What the fuck are you two doing out here?
Timing you.
It takes more than ten minutes to satisfy her.
Ah.
And I suppose your little brother's out here
with his hand on his cock
hoping to watch somebody having sex.
Probably the closest thing he gets to it.
A little like his hands-off approach to naval warfare.
You won't last with her. Or anyone else, Potemkin.
You are a vulgar little counter jumper
and your days are numbered.
Fancy trying for the other eye, do you, Alexei?
We're not listening to this.
You gonna join your brother and fuck off from court too
are you?
I don't know how you can stay.
I mean, where's your self-respect?
I will never allow
the country I love to be governed
by a disgusting little upstart like you.
A little disgusting upstart who's been away at war.
I don't know what you were doing but I've been cutting my way
through Turkish hordes.
Given the opportunity, I'll do you the same to you.
What do you want, Potemkin?
I don't think it's gone through your thick skull, has it?
I'm not here to use the woman
or squeeze her to make money out of her.
No! Hey?
I'm not here to use her as a stepping stone
to my brilliant fucking career, am I?
I love the woman, huh? Come on! I love her!
In the way a man should love a woman!
You want a bit of this? Huh?
Come on! Bend the fuck over! - You're mad. You're mad!
- You're mad!
- Potemkin! Insane!
So Grigory Orlov has finally left court.
I wonder why?
I showed him my penis, Your Majesty.
It seems Monsieur Pugachev
is moving towards Moscow.
He's taken Kazan...
destroyed General Kar.
This is serious, Grishenka.
Of course Panin and the rest of them
think we are too preoccupied with each other.
They say we're having an affair.
Well, aren't we?
Not that I noticed. - Oh! Well...
Not yet anyway.
We did send a small force--
I know, I know. They were cut down.
Any loss of a Russian soldiers' life
is like losing a part of myself.
Now, we need someone of proven experience.
Major General Potemkin, your opinion?
Your Majesty, if Pugachev is indeed
marching on Moscow, then we need to mobilise now.
Agreed.
A large force. But who should lead it?
I don't think this is a job for the navy, Count Orlov
unless of course you mean to navigate your way to Kazan.
It is possible, Your Majesty, that, uh...
There is someone at this table
who has fought hand-to-hand with the Turks
and brought home astonishing victories...
Major General Potemkin.
If it is thought I am the man to succeed, Your Majesty
then I am more than happy to settle this deluded traitor
once and for all.
An excellent notion, Your Majesty.
Good. Then it is agreed.
Potemkin will take command of the army.
Let us put it into motion.
Well, it seems I must go and you must stay.
Stay alive.
That's all I ask.
And when I come back...
If I come back...
You will come back.
You will. You must.
Lieutenant Potemkin.
I think you will find I have been promoted, Your Excellency.
Some time ago.
I know people like you.
You crawl to my mother and think you will get money and--
I crawl to no-one. I serve my country.
Need I remind you?
Whose dog are you if it comes to that?
You cannot speak to me like that.
I just did.
Now, sir...
I have a war to win.
You'd look wonderful in uniform, sir.
War, war, war, war.
All I want to do is talk about sex...
or gardening.
You want to talk about Potemkin, don't you?
- Yes.
Yes, I do. I do.
Forward!
Oh, that's just like my husband.
You know, Peter used to drill little toy soldiers...
for hours on end, dressed in full Holstein uniform.
Oh.
And we have to find Alexei Orlov a job
or he's going to cause trouble.
Always keep the awkward ones busy
and then get rid of them if they actually fuck it up.
Minister of War?
There's an idea.
My father was the father of his people!
And one day
I will fulfil the duties and responsibilities of that role.
I will lead a disciplined army of soldiers
to make his dream for this great country
come true.
Discipline, gentlemen.
Martial, masculine discipline.
...four, one, two...
Present arms!
About face!
Are you planning your own little coup?
Is that what this is all about?
Well, you won't succeed, young man.
The army is loyal to me.
And the peasants will do as they are told.
I'm sorry, but that's the truth.
The mass of the people always obey orders.
It would be a terrible mistake to go against me.
Because I know more about politics
than you will ever know.
I survive...
as I have survived for half a century
in a world that does not want me.
You would not last two minutes as the ruler of Russia.
And all your drilling with your little toy soldiers
will get you nowhere at all!
You see power.
Power is a balancing act.
You have to learn how to walk the line.
You always spoke of reform when you first began to rule.
Yes, well, I had all sorts of ideas
when I was younger, and I still believe in justice for all.
But I would remind you always to remember
from where your power...
if you are ever to have any, which I doubt...
...will derive.
All I am saying is--
This is my country, you stupid boy.
You look to your wife.
You get me an heir. - You lied to me...
about my father.
And you lied to the country.
You promise them one thing, then give them another.
I want my father to be alive.
I want him here beside me. Is that a crime?
Look. I... I understand.
Look, I know you're going to rule, one day, probably.
And I do want to hear your... your political ideas.
Why don't you write something, um...
Something about, I don't know, the peasants' unrest
and send it to me?
I will read it, I will. I promise.
Agreed?
Over here!
It's you.
Go fuck yourself, you one-eyed cunt...
Stand him up!
You think you're fucking invisible?
Potemkin has finished him off. Ha-ha!
He's riding back to St Petersburg
with Pugachev in a cage like the wild beast that he is.
Major General Potemkin deserves our thanks, Your Majesty.
I'm not usually in favour of triumphal marches.
It smacks too much of the last days of the Roman Empire
but I think I will ride out to meet him.
Is that wise, Your Majesty?
Why would it not be, Minister?
You could be in danger, Your Majesty.
Is the countryside entirely pacified?
How would you know, Minister? You hardly ever go there.
Make the arrangements.
I will ride out at the head of the Preobrazhensky Guard.
I do feel that this is dangerous, Your Majesty.
They need to see me...
Minister.
Oh, I do have one piece of advice, however
I would like from you.
I want it to be thoroughly researched
and I would like comprehensive answers
in the best traditions of the Russian Civil Service.
What am I going to wear?
Your Majesty.
Pugachev!
God sees all your suffering, my children.
He sees everything.
Through my eyes, he sees!
Through my eyes.
I'm warning you! Get back!
Pugachev!
We congratulate you on your service.
Your Majesty.
- Get back! - Pugachev!
- Move! - Catherine!
- Your Majesty. - Catherine!
Mother of all Russia, we are not worthy.
We bow before you, Your Majesty.
Bless us, Your Majesty.
We bow before you, Your Majesty.
Catherine! Catherine!
Whore!
Catherine, Catherine!
They want a public execution.
I've told the hangman he is not to be disembowelled.
Why do they think cruelty can wipe out the memory of cruelty?
What you need, Major General Potemkin
is a bath.
Mm. Do I?
Mm. Not unpleasantly.
I do not dislike the smell of fresh sweat on a man.
Mm...
My bathhouse in ten minutes?
Come and join me.
But lock the door.
People are inquisitive in this palace.
And I am the most inquisitive of all of them.
Please, join me.
No need to wear a towel.
Wonderfully hot in here.
Now, I want to see if everything they say about you is true.
I will apologise in advance...
for any deficiencies I might have.
I want you, not because of...
what you can give me...
or who you are.
Oh, I want you...
I want you, I want you because I love you.
And that will never, never change.
- Is that a proposal?
- Are you proposing?
No!
It is! It sounds like a proposal!