[Bobby] So, I love what Janice had to say about gratitude.
That's what does it for me.
That's what helps me endure.
And I have so many reasons to be grateful.
Today, I walk through life with a beautiful wife and partner...
a family that loves me
and a job that fills me with a sense of purpose.
And I have all of you.
I still feel like I don't deserve any of it,
but I'm getting better and better at embracing the good things
and letting go of the past and that fear.
And for that, I'm grateful.
Thank you all for showing up and for sharing.
I guess that about wraps it up for tonight.
Unless anybody else has a burning desire to share?
I have something I'd like to share.
Great.
My name is Amir.
Hi, Amir.
And I shouldn't be here.
But I am.
Ten years ago,
an apartment fire in Minnesota almost took my life.
And there were times I wish it had.
It did for 148 other people,
including the one I was supposed to walk through life with.
But she never even made it to the hospital.
So now I walk alone.
And the one responsible for the fire, well,
he just walked away.
So I had a choice to make.
I could either nurse my anger and resentment,
or I could nurse other people.
To ease their suffering as a way to ease my own.
So that's what I did, and-- and it worked.
It worked for a long time.
But, you know, life is such a pitiless thing.
Just when you think you have everything under control--
that you're on the right path--
something can happen.
Something as simple as seeing one person's face.
And then suddenly, in that instant,
everything that you have struggled with--
the loss, the misery, the fear, the anger--
rages up until it consumes you all over again.
[Amir] Like a fire.
As firefighters,
we all know that when that bell sounds, we are called to duty.
And we answer that call.
But Captain Nash,
he need not hear that bell in order to rise to the occasion.
And apparently, he even likes to do it when he's off duty.
Which is why we're presenting to you our Honor of Bravery Award
in recognition of your bravery and your dedication,
both in and out your uniform.
Well done.
Oh, wow. Thank you. Um...
You know, when you tell people
you run into burning buildings for a living,
they tend to look at you like you're nuts, which we probably are. [chuckles]
But the thing that we know that they don't
is that living a life of consequence-- a life in service--
is a privilege.
So, yes, I will treasure this,
but I'm gonna treasure tomorrow more because I get to get back to work.
Thank you all.
Thank you so much.
Hear! Hear!
- Whoa. - Okay.
You get any braver, you're gonna run out of room, Nash.
- Well, yeah. - Did you hear that, Deputy Chief?
Time to give my husband a raise so he can get us a bigger house.
- Mmm, mwah! - [chuckling]
Now you know why I married her.
Hey, Tim, how many is that?
And now you know why I'm gonna divorce her.
[firefighters laugh]
Hey, Mom, can I go to Jody's?
Shouldn't you have asked me that question before you put on your coat?
You didn't just roll your eyes at your mother.
It's okay. You can go, just in a minute.
Your youngest son has something he wants to give you.
- Yeah? - Hey, Bobby.
What's that?
- Here, Dad. - Whoa.
For me?
What's this?
Whoa.
This is--
This is really something, Bobby.
You must've worked real hard on this.
He's been taking trips to the library, using their Xerox machine.
It's got all the people you've saved.
Thank you, Son.
Hey, Bobby, maybe you can make me one of those.
Yeah, you can do it on the back of a napkin.
- Can I go now? - I thought you already did.
Wow.
Charlie.
- Oh. Come on. - [Ann] Hey.
Hey, Bobby, grab that glass, would you?
There. Okay. There we go. [grunts]
You know what?
Go ahead. You've earned it.
Just don't tell your mother. [chuckles]
Ooh... [chuckles] Hey, yeah.
- [retches] - Oh!
- Okay. - [firefighters laughing]
- [Bobby coughs] - What did you do?
- Oh, it's-- - Come here, honey.
Family. That's all that really matters, right?
Right.
- [Harry] Guacamole is done. - [Athena] Did you add a squeeze of lemon?
Why would I do that?
[Athena] It keeps it from turning brown.
- That's-- - You need the acidity.
- That's a real thing? - [Athena] Mm-hmm.
[May] Why did we let him make the guacamole?
[Harry] So you could focus on that unfortunate tree bark situation
you got going on there.
- [May] Oh, okay. - [Athena] Shots fired.
Oh, there he is. Just in time.
Hi, Bobby.
Hey, May.
I wasn't expecting you.
- What's the occasion? - I haven't seen you guys in a minute.
- [Harry] She ran out of food at her place. - [Athena laughs]
[Athena] All right. Sit down, you.
[May] Ooh, tortillas first.
- Yes. - I think so.
Ah. It's just so good to have the family all together.
[Harry] All right. I got you.
[Athena, Harry, May talking, muffled]
[grunts]
Oh, did I wake you?
Secret 4:00 a.m. Google searches?
[sighs]
Handsome couple.
Do you know them?
I killed her.
The fire at the apartment building?
She was victim number 57.
She never even made it to the hospital.
- Her husband told me that. - When?
Yesterday.
He, uh--
He showed up at my AA meeting.
Where did this man come from?
I mean, how did he find you?
Divine intervention, maybe.
I was bringing Catherine Morris's daughter back to her in the hospital,
and he was there. He works in the burn unit.
And he didn't say anything to you then?
I mean, he gave no indication that he recognized you?
- I don't think so. - What was he doing at your AA meeting?
- Was that just a coincidence? - Oh, no.
He came there with a purpose.
He wanted to share his grief and his pain, and he wanted me to see what I'd done.
Well, what did you say to him?
Nothing.
He was talking about what had happened to him--
what I did to him--
and I just froze.
I was pinned to my seat,
and by the time I got my bearings back, he was gone.
Okay. Well, maybe it's for the best.
I mean, he got to say whatever it is he needed to,
and maybe that's enough.
I don't think it's enough.
When I think about that night, I always count the bodies, the lives lost.
But I never counted the survivors.
The people left behind.
[sighs] You were battling your own grief.
Step Nine...
"Make direct amends to such people wherever possible."
I need to make amends.
I am not a patient.
I am a Los Angeles City fire captain,
and I'm just trying to get in touch with the man.
Yeah. No, I understand.
I will fill out a formal request. Thank you.
Captain Nash?
Good to see you.
Are you visiting a patient?
Camila, hi.
Actually, I was trying to visit a coworker of yours.
- Are you working in the burn unit? - Still working ICU.
We're actually transferring a patient up here.
Our departments have quite a bit of overlap.
So you might know Amir.
Oh, God, yes.
Love him.
Wish we had him full time.
Yeah. Yeah. He's great.
It feels like he just got here and now he's already gone.
- I know. The life of a travel nurse. - Right. Yeah.
Listen, I was trying to catch him before he left,
but I guess I missed him.
And I thought that the staffing agency might help me get in touch with him.
Don't take it personally. They're slammed.
Everyone's panicking about a nursing shortage.
They're probably mad at Amir for taking a month off.
Well, I guess everybody needs a vacation, right?
It's not exactly my idea of a vacation.
[Athena] Jacumba?
What's there?
A migrant encampment.
Apparently, Amir volunteers with a group a couple of weeks a year
that provides food and medical assistance.
Okay. So that's where he is?
You said that you wanna make amends to him,
and I understand that.
But surely this can wait until he comes back.
It's been over ten years. I think he's waited long enough.
I will call you from the road. I love you.
I love you too.
But you're not the same man you were ten years ago.
I don't think that matters to him.
I need that to matter to you.
I love you.
You got supplies in that truck?
No, I'm here looking for Amir Casey. He's a volunteer.
Who's asking?
My name is Bobby.
You a cop?
You look like a cop.
No, I am a firefighter, but I am not here in an official capacity.
Why are you looking for Amir?
That's a personal matter. I just need to speak with him.
He was here about two hours ago when he brought in that last group.
That was his third trip today already.
- Do you know when he might be back? - No idea.
Someone told him
there was a pregnant woman out there with her husband,
so he's gone out to look for them.
- Okay. - [driver] Need a hand here!
[husband whispers in Spanish]
[speaking Spanish]
- Where did you find them? - Marker 12 service road.
- Amir's not with you? - [driver] No, haven't heard from him.
And I tried to call him on the radio.
Can you ask her if she's having any contractions?
- [wife grunts] - [speaking Spanish]
[speaking Spanish]
No pain, but she's dizzy and the baby's kicking.
[Bobby] Okay. That's good.
She's got a strong pulse, but she's dehydrated.
- Can we get her on an IV drip? - We're not that kind of operation,
but we got a shuttle making runs to a local clinic.
Okay. Let's get her on that.
In the meantime, let's get her some water, all right?
Thank you very much. Here you go.
Gracias.
All right. Let me check on him.
[Bobby grunts] Oh.
You do not look like somebody who's been in the sun all day.
- Estoy bien. - No, no, no. No bien.
What do you got going on here? Can I take a look?
Okay? All right.
[speaking Spanish]
They forced her to walk alone,
so he jumped off a moving truck to be with her.
All right. I love the sentiment, Luis, but this wound is infected.
- We gotta clean it out. - There's hydrogen peroxide in here.
That might damage the tissue. We need a water.
Can I get another one of those waters?
There.
[Luis, wife speaking Spanish]
All right.
[groans]
I am gonna need some gauze, and I'ma need some tape.
What truck did he jump off of?
- Coyotes? - Yes.
They make a deal to get across, but once they get here, the deal changes.
- Upcharge? - Correct.
These coyotes are all cartel now. They double, triple the price.
If they can't deliver, they force them to walk.
Teach them a lesson.
Then they come back to threaten them again.
- Unless you guys get to them first. - You're catching on.
Those coyotes must love you.
Between the cartel and the local ranchers, I don't think we've made many friends.
- [Bobby] All right. Last one. - [wife speaking Spanish]
All right, Luis. You stay with me, okay?
Let's get off this truck.
He's on the brink of sepsis.
If this infection spreads into his bloodstream,
it's not gonna end well.
- How close is that shuttle? - About ten minutes out.
All right. Well, if you can, tell 'em to step on it.
Can you guys get him out of the sun? All right. Her too.
Do you know which one of these roads Amir travels?
I do. But you'd be crazy to go out there on your own.
- And I don't have anyone to send with you. - Amir's out there on his own.
He knows the terrain, and he's a little crazy.
I'll write you the directions.
Thank you.
[Ann] It's 8:00 a.m. on a Sunday, and you're already sloppy drunk.
- [Tim] It's just a little hair of the dog. - This is why we're leaving, Tim...
- Hey, I wouldn't go in there. - I am worried about--
God on a wheel, Ann.
That was weeks ago, and it was one drink, okay?
You know, when I was his age,
I was stealing cases of 3.2 out of the back of the Red Owl.
Why do you tell that story like it's funny?
- Because it is funny! - It's not funny!
You don't have a sense of humor!
- You know what? I'm not-- - What's happening?
Hey, bud.
- Bobby, where's your book bag? - That's my buddy.
- Bobby, grab it and get in the car now. - No, you're good.
- We're going somewhere? - We're gonna stay at your Aunt Kitty's.
No. You can go stay with Aunt Kitty.
You're not gonna take my boys.
'Cause them-- they're mine.
My legacy. And you're not gonna take them--
Dad, stop.
- This isn't helping. - That is exactly the problem.
I don't want them following in your footsteps.
First to the bottle, then probably to an early grave.
Bobby, get your bag and get in the car.
I wanna stay with Dad.
Bobby, stop being an idiot and get in the car.
Why are you always so mean to Dad?
That is an excellent question, young man.
Sweetheart, I know this is really hard to understand.
- You love your dad-- - He's a hero.
You stick your nose any further up Dad's ass--
Charlie.
- What? - Just don't.
It's not like he's gonna remember tomorrow.
He's too drunk.
- [grunts] - [Ann gasps]
Show some respect.
- You first, Dad. - Oh, yeah?
- What are you gonna do, big guy? - Tim!
- Charlie, stop! - How dare you hit him! That's my son!
Charlie, stop.
Tell Mom that you don't wanna go either.
If we both stay, maybe she will too.
You saw what he just did to me, and you still want me to stay?
Come with us.
Dad needs me.
Hey.
[beeping]
[ignition clicks, engine stops]
Drop the tire iron.
Amir, it's Bobby Nash.
Nash?
- The hell are you doing here? - I'm looking for you.
What happened?
I got shot.
Sit down.
Come on. Sit down.
[groans]
All right.
- Get this off. - [groaning, gasps]
[grunts] All right.
[Amir] Phew.
[Amir] Bullet fragment is still in there.
All right. We're gonna need to clean this out,
make some kind of pressure dressing before we do anything else.
- Infection can set in real quick out here. - Yeah, I'm aware.
I'm a medical professional, remember?
Was just having a hard time doing it myself.
Well, now you don't have to.
[Amir grunts, pants]
That couple you were looking for here,
they made it back to your groups' staging area.
I think they're gonna be fine.
- Ah! - I want you to tell me what happened.
Seems like you already know what happened here.
I was out here looking for that couple.
I was checking out the structures, leaving supplies.
I heard a truck pull up.
I went outside, I saw my vehicle was being firebombed.
I'm guessing you had something to say about that.
I certainly did.
I got to him before he pulled his gun.
Almost.
I got him pretty good, though.
But he was able to drive off.
[groans]
All right. I'm gonna need you to lean forward.
Hang in there.
All right.
That guy that shot you, he didn't get very far.
I saw him about a mile back.
He's dead.
All right.
That is about as good as we're gonna do until we get you to a hospital.
Let's go.
- Come on. - I got it.
[vehicle approaching]
[Amir] Looks like we're not going anywhere.
[chattering in Spanish]
[speaking Spanish]
[chattering in Spanish]
[speaks Spanish]
[Tim] What is for dinner?
Salisbury steak?
- Fish-and-chips. - Oh.
I thought you liked fish-and-chips.
I do.
I'm just gonna miss that brownie.
- [Tim chuckles] - [Bobby sighs]
I got us cookie dough.
Nobody likes that watery cobbler.
- Ah. You. - [slaps counter]
You're a good man.
Let's eat.
[Tim] Yes. Thank you.
Mom called.
She wanted to talk to you.
Did you tell her I was working?
She already called the firehouse looking for you.
They told her you were sick.
Why would they tell her something like that?
I guess you were supposed to be on shift.
Oh, damn it.
It's not Monday, is it?
Tuesday. I told them you were sick.
[remote control clicks]
[theme music plays on TV]
Sorry, kid.
It's okay, Dad.
All right. They're finally leaving.
They're firebombing your vehicle or just stealing it?
Just stealing it.
What are you doing out here, Nash?
I told you. I was looking for you.
Why?
The Ninth Step.
I owe you an amends.
So you followed me out here to the desert?
- Yeah. - You think that earns you something?
No. I just needed you to know I heard everything you said.
Thank you.
I feel seen.
Of course, I always feel seen.
Mostly because people are always staring at me.
I know that there is nothing I can say to make up for what happened--
Stop.
Let me be real clear, Captain.
I don't need anything from you.
I know you think I came to that meeting to call you out.
I didn't.
I was sizing you up.
I wanted to understand how someone who was responsible for so much loss--
so much pain--
was able to carry on.
Pretty damn easy, it seems.
That's not actually true.
No?
I heard everything you said too, Bobby.
Talking about how blessed you've been.
That's why I stood up.
I felt that required an answer.
- I get that. - Good.
Now get this.
You can keep your amends.
I didn't ask for it.
It doesn't mean a damn thing to me.
There's a service road about eight miles west.
The cartels don't really use it. The locals do.
About two miles past there is the highway.
You get that far, someone will be sure to pick you up.
What am I supposed to do? Just leave you here?
You didn't kill the man. I did.
You didn't have a choice.
I didn't say I did.
Okay.
You need to get up, and we need to walk.
Honestly...
I don't think I can, Nash.
This infection is already starting to set in.
Then will you let me help you up?
I mean, I don't know what's worse--
dying out here in the shade or letting your ass save me.
Well, given where things are at, there's a pretty good chance I'll fail.
And now you're just trying to cheer me up.
Come on.
- [Amir groans, pants] - [Bobby grunts]
Let's walk.
Dad! Dad, wake up!
Yeah, let me try.
That usually does the trick.
[gasps]
Phil, what are you doing here?
Looks like someone was trying to make cookies using the broiler.
- I'm sorry, Dad. - You're probably gonna need a new stove.
I think the rest is just paint and some elbow grease.
- I'll clean it up. I promise. - Bet your ass you will.
Hey, it's not the kid's fault there was no fire extinguisher in here.
No, that would be his mother's fault.
She always hated the looks of it, so I keep it on the back porch.
So she gets a new kitchen out of it.
That should bring her back.
You done here?
Yeah, we're done.
[stammers] I can fix this.
[door closes]
Do you know what happens when you call 911?
They keep a record of it. How do you think that's gonna look, hmm?
I'm sorry.
If I get fired, it's your fault.
I don't even wanna look at you right now.
You should've gone with your mother.
[Amir pants, grunts]
[groaning]
[both panting]
Get up.
That's it. I'm done.
You're not done.
Come on. I think I see a road up ahead.
Yeah, man. You thought that two miles back.
Hey. You have to get up. We have to keep moving.
Look, you know as well as I do every step I take
just pushes this infection deeper in my system.
Get up.
[both grunting]
[Bobby] Come on. All right.
All right. All right.
- Come on. - [Amir grunts]
See? I told you there was a road.
Come on.
[Bobby] You got it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop!
Stop!
Come on. He's stopping. He's stopping.
What the hell are you doing out here?
We're a little lost.
I'll say you are too.
What are you? Relief workers?
That's about all we got out here.
Cartel, migrants and relief workers.
And a few old stubborn ranchers like myself.
They call me Herman.
I'm Bobby, this is Amir, and that's exactly what we are.
We're relief workers.
I'll tell you what. My place ain't too far.
I got a landline, and a shortwave connects me to the sheriff if needs be.
Sounds good. Anything to get us off this desert.
All right. Come on. Climb in.
- [Amir grunts] - [Herman] Oh, yeah.
[Bobby sighs]
I got some water on the floorboard.
- Help yourself. - All right.
Here you go.
We really appreciate this. It's been a long day.
[Herman] Where did you boys say you were coming from?
We didn't.
Highway 9. You know where that old diner is?
That's quite the hike.
Yeah, well, lot of folks out here have walked further than that.
Yeah, but they don't have a slug in them.
I'm guessing you've been shot, my friend.
Yeah, well, you should see the other guy.
[chuckling]
That you with your son?
No. That's my grandson.
Miguel.
He's my world.
His father-- my boy-- he passed about five years ago.
Sorry to hear that.
Drugs.
People ain't the only thing coming across the border.
- [CB radio beeps] - [cartel member speaking Spanish]
[speaking Spanish]
Hey.
When was the last time you fellas had something to eat?
They're going to be waiting for us at his place.
You speak Spanish?
I understand it.
What I don't understand is why you're in business with them
when their poison killed your son.
My son made his own choices.
And your grandson made his.
- Well, we all have choices. - Stop the truck.
[trigger cocks]
[sobbing]
- [knocking] - [Tim] Bobby.
[doorknob rattling]
Bobby, open up. Come on.
Go away!
[Tim] Come on.
I'm so sorry.
I know it was an accident.
Give--
Give your old man a break. Okay?
Come on. I can't have you mad at me too.
["Who Can It Be Now?" plays on Walkman]
Bobby?
Son, you and me.
[bottle clanks on counter]
[bottle cap clatters]
Hey, Bobby, I found your book.
I think we can fix it.
See, this is gonna be--
It's gonna be really easy to fi--
[grunts]
- [music continues] - [sobs]
♪ Who can it be now? ♪
- [metal groaning] - [grunts]
[groans]
[Bobby grunts]
Amir. Hey.
Amir.
- Hey. Hey. Hey. - [groans]
Amir. Amir.
All right. I'm gonna get you out of here.
[Bobby grunting, panting]
[Bobby grunting]
[both grunting]
Come on. Just hang on. Hang on.
[screaming]
Just hang on. [grunts]
Okay. Hold on. Hold on.
[softly] All right.
[Amir groans]
[breathes heavily] All right, Amir.
[grunts]
[panting]
[Bobby grunting]
[wind whistling]
[Bobby grunting]
[grunts]
[panting]
Dad?
Dad, wake up.
Wake up!
Dad, wake up!
Please! I need you!
Please. Wake up!
Please, Dad.
Wake up!
[grunts]
[vehicles approaching]
[panting]
[groans]
It's all right, Captain Nash.
We got you.
We all got you.
[Bobby grunting, panting]
[Bobby] Yeah. Yeah. [grunts]
- Here, Cap. - Oh, thank you.
[relief workers chattering]
♪ Where the lights don't move And the colors don't fade ♪
♪ There is a truth and it's on our side ♪
♪ Look into the sun as the new days rise ♪
Don't you think maybe you should stay the night?
Let the doctors take care of you.
Doctors are gonna prescribe fluids, NSAIDs to prevent swelling
and an antihistamine if my skin starts to itch.
All of which I can do myself.
I always heard it was doctors who were the worst patients.
Whoever said that never met a firefighter.
- [Athena] Bobby. - Oh.
[Athena] Oh...
Oh...
- Thank God you're okay. - Like I said on the phone, I'm fine.
Well, I still needed to see it for myself.
All right.
Fernanda, this is my wife Athena.
She is a cop.
Oh. You're the one that found him.
I'm not sure I have the right words at this moment to say thank you.
It wasn't just me.
Those people that Amir saved from the coyotes?
They insisted on going to find him.
- I just went along for the ride. - And figured out how to find us.
[grunts] We saw the blood at the diner, figured you'd cut across the service road.
Once we found the truck, it didn't take long to get to the two of you.
Mmm.
I saw them towing in what was left of the truck.
I can't believe nobody was killed.
Well, Herman...
The police didn't tell you?
They found Herman not long after we found you.
Some broken ribs and a fractured shoulder, but he's alive.
Well, I never saw him brought in.
They flew him to another hospital.
- One with a secure ward. - He's under police custody?
Seems he has a lot of information on the cartel that he's willing to share.
[Bobby] Hmm.
Is that him?
Yeah.
I'm gonna need a minute.
I thought you'd be long gone by now, back home with that pretty wife of yours.
I just wanted to check on you first.
You made your amends, Nash.
You saved my life.
You can go now.
That's not exactly how it works.
Please tell me you're not gonna keep coming back here until I forgive you,
because that's never--
I don't expect your forgiveness.
That's not why I came looking for you.
I wanted you to know I didn't just walk away from that fire.
I've carried it with me every day and night since.
And I know that there is nothing I can do to erase the damage I've done to you
or any of those other families.
I can't give you back your wife. I can't take away your pain.
All I can do is tell you that I think of them every day.
Ayana Casey--
34 years, only child of Martha and Jamal Harris,
beloved wife of Amir Casey.
The 57th person to die in that fire because of me.
You really think you deserve this second chance?
I do not.
I should've died in that fire that night.
Or one of the many nights after trying to correct that mistake.
But I'm still here.
Can't make anything better,
so I live my life just trying not to make anything worse.
I sold cars before.
And after surviving that night,
I felt I should do something else, something more.
To repay your second chance.
To do what I couldn't do that night.
Every time I walk through those hospital doors,
I'm just trying to save my wife.
And I can't help but wonder
who it is you've been trying to save, Captain.
I spoke to your mom.
She's on her way here. Might take her a little while.
You wanna come to the firehouse with us?
No. I'm okay.
You want one of us to stay with you until she gets here?
No.
I'm real sorry, Bobby.
[door closes]