You're really going to town with the moisturizer there, buddy.
I don't follow.
I'm-I'm just talking about, you know,
an activity... with your penis.
What does moisturizer have to do with masturbation anyways?
Seriously?
As a teenaged Tolbeck, you never had a little...
moisturizer in the nightstand?
No. Never. Never?
Mm-mm.
Hmm. Well,
my dad used to have moisturizer on his nightstand,
and, uh, it was just because he had dry skin.
Mm, I don't think that's why.
Yes, it is, and it's hereditary.
Yeah, it is hereditary. He was a masturbator,
like-like his father before him, like his son after.
(sighs) You know something, Cullen?
You have not been very nice lately.
And actually, I keep a journal.
Every day, when I go home from work, I write in my journal,
and the past four days, you know what I've written?
"Cullen wasn't very nice to me today."
That's really weird,
'cause in my journal, I've been writing,
"I was really nice at work to Tolbeck today."
Wow, you keep a journal, too? No, I'm joking.
Because journals are for tweens and serial killers.
"Cullen wasn't very nice to me today, again."
You know, you're right.
You're right. I've been kind of a jerk.
I, uh, talked about splitting up
and finding new partners, and
I shouldn't have said all that stuff to you.
I'm sorry about that.
It's okay. I knew you weren't serious.
No, I was serious about it, but I think all the stuff about
Fatima, you know, not kind of working out
and me feeling professionally stagnated,
uh, I took that out on you.
It's not your fault, and I'm sorry, okay?
That's what I'm trying to say. I'm sorry.
I'm... I'm sorry.
So... what? You don't want a new partner?
Look, if Agent Haldeman called me and was like,
"Hey, buddy, I've been reading your reports,
"and, uh, I think I like the cut of your jib,
and you and I could form a special task force where..." Okay.
Let me, let me stop you right there, okay, Cullen? Yeah.
I can accept Agent Haldeman being your fantasy partner
or whatever, but, like, when you say it out loud,
it doesn't make me feel all warm and fuzzy.
I know.
I'm sorry.
I won't do it again.
I value you.
Okay? Hey, you know what?
You look a little dry there.
How about a little bit? There you go.
No. Wait. Stay here.
You got to get it in good.
There we go.
Well, you have more hair on your hand than I expected.
* Taking a dry hand and making it moist *
* Taking a dry hand and making it moist. *
That's enough. What?
Maybe it was the song, but that's enough. For now?
Okay, I won't sing the song. Come on, give it back.
Okay.
(humming same melody)
I'm thinking of the words now.
(continues humming)
* And moist
BOTH: * Taking a dry hand and making it moist *
Mm-hmm.
* Taking a dry hand and making it moist *
* Boink, boink, boink. boink, boink. * Okay.
("Happiness, Missouri" by El Vy playing)
* While away while someone counts the minutes *
* Happiness, Missouri, I got to get your mind off *
* By the way, I told you we were in this *
* Happiness, Missouri, I got to get your mind off it. *
*
MAN (over radio): DEA is about to take full control
of this warehouse surveillance.
Uh, they probably want to see that body pulled
from the Otay Mesa Reservoir a few miles away.
MAN 2 (over radio): Copy that.
Have they identified that body yet?
MAN: Not yet. We should know later today.
(dog barking in distance)
So, this is it?
You're just gonna...
sulk and give me the cold shoulder?
You wanted me to kill him.
No, I fucking didn't, Marco!
Yes, you did.
You looked right at me, and you said,
"Marco, please kill him. Please."
I said, "Marco, he's killing me."
There's a big fucking difference there.
Oh, that is such bullshit.
You looked right into my eyes,
and you said something about killing, and I said, "Really?"
And then you said, "Yeah," and you nodded. No, no, no, no, no, no.
Yeah, I said, "He's killing me." Then I nodded.
You nodded. Sure.
I looked away. Same.
My head might've moved, but I didn't give you a nod. Nod.
Which is a nod. That's a nod.
No, it's a turn. Oh, Angus...
That's fucking different than a nod.
Do you know how much effort it took for me to kill that guy?
It is hard to kill someone that size.
He is very strong, he was surprisingly agile.
I'm so sorry, man. He bit me.
He bit me. He broke the skin.
Yeah, because you were trying to fucking kill him!
Yes, I was trying to kill him! I would bite you, too!
For you! For you!
FATIMA: So, the other day, I was sitting
by the pier with my friend. We were just hanging out.
And there's one of these, like, annoying drones nearby. Stupid.
So, we start talking about how annoying
and stupid and useless they are.
So, cut to... the next day.
Okay. I'm walking in the park.
Mm-hmm.
And this hits me in the head.
This... hits me in the head.
Out of nowhere.
My phone was listening to me talk about drones,
and then this drone hit me in the head. Okay.
Well, that's a terrific story.
I'd say, A) You need some action verbs,
and B) It's just a coincidence.
No, no, no, it's not a coincidence.
It was listening.
Your phone was listening?
Yeah, they're always listening. Yeah, let me show you.
This-this footage is... Hey, do you have that app
where you can put bunny ears on yourself?
I think it's really funny. No, wa-watch, watch.
Watch, watch, okay?
This is from the drone. (whirring)
I took the footage from the drone. All right.
See? Now it looks, searching for something.
Right? It's like a target, and then...
(laughs)
No, no, wait.
No, you're missing the point. Give me that.
(laughing, drone whirring)
No.
You got to send me this.
You got to send... (laughing)
MIGUEL: No, no, no, it's great that you're back.
You were just so excited about
joining that big fancy tunnel.
So-so what was the problem again?
I don't know.
It just didn't feel right to me.
Yeah, sure. Sure. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
The super tunnel was too... too flashy.
There was no soul; they were just churning out the work.
Nobody cared. Right.
But I thought that's what you wanted, though.
You know, the super drug tunnel.
You know, it was good for your narrative.
I thought that's what I understood.
Yeah, I thought that.
And maybe it's good for me in the short-term,
but as a comedian, I have to think about
the long-term goal, you see? Yeah.
The tunnel was too broad. Like, literally broad?
Like, it was, it was too wide? Yeah.
This is the shit I want to be known for.
All right.
Let's... let's get to it, huh?
Go ahead. I have a migraine.
Welcome back. (mutters)
ANGUS: You don't get it, man.
You don't get it. He was my stepdad.
All right? He was a piece of shit.
He wasn't a piece of shit. He was barely your stepdad.
He was a little annoying.
But he said, he said he'd take a bullet for me.
Okay?
Yeah, right.
Yeah, right what? He said that. A guy like that.
A guy you've known five minutes says
he'd take a bullet for you? Right.
You think he meant it?
How does that even come up?
How does that even come up, Angus?!
No one's ever said that to me before.
I'm sorry it affected me.
I'm sorry, uh... you know...
Okay, so I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I-I killed the guy
that you knew for five minutes,
who said he'd take a bullet for you.
And that that meant something to you.
And meanwhile, I've known you for fucking years, and what?
You want me to say it? Is that what you want?
Is that what you're asking? I'll say it. No. No.
I-I don't want you to say it. If you need to hear those words,
if those words are comfort to you, I'll say those words.
I don't want you to say it, man.
Fine.
I would take a bullet for you.
Thanks, man.
Hang on.
Actually, I did take a bullet for you.
When did you take a bullet for me?
The ear? Yeah.
I did, in practice, that which he said he would do.
I doubt your ear even stopped the bullet.
Had I been standing behind you, I would've been hit.
Forget it. This is stupid. You know what, you're right.
I-I'm sorry. This is all my bad.
I-I shouldn't have killed your stepfather. Yeah.
No. Yeah. Don't worry about it.
Why don't you write his suicide note to your mom?
That's-that's probably the most important thing.
Who cares? Okay, yeah, that's-that's what I'll do,
because I have to do that now, because you fucking killed him. Yeah. Great.
And I'll just sit here and think about how his eyes
popped out of his head as I was strangling him.
And his last words were, "Fuck Angus."
(phone vibrates)
Oh, no.
What? What? What? What?
What's happened? You okay?
I did something bad.
Really, really bad.
Okay.
Okay, it's all right. Hey, Tolbeck, look at me.
Okay? Whatever you've done, okay, I'm your partner.
We can get through this together, all right?
It's about Kyle.
Kyle? Yeah.
Okay. I've hated Kyle ever since you told me
about this bullshit open marriage situation.
All right?
Just tell me. What's happened?
Well, yesterday when I went home,
um, I got to the house, and I walk in,
and I see Kyle in the kitchen standing over the kitchen sink.
Right. And he's drinking coconut water.
Uh-huh. My coconut water.
Right. Yeah. Right out of the carton.
He's sweaty, like he'd just done some kind of athletic thing.
Standing there in his, like, T-shirt
with no underpants on. Shirt-dicking.
What? That's called shirt-dicking.
T-shirt, no pants. That's shirt-dicking. Okay.
Well, he was shirt-dicking in my kitchen. Right.
And, so he's all sweaty, and, you know,
he's got the coconut water all over his beard.
And then he... he looks at me,
and I look at him. Hmm.
And we stare at each other for a second.
And then he goes, "Hey, man, what's up?"
Oh, no, he didn't. Yeah.
And then he walks past me right into the bedroom.
So, I walk towards the bedroom and I say,
"No, I'm gonna sit down, and I'm gonna chill.
I'm gonna watch a little TV."
So I go into the den... Mm.
and there's Dennis.
Dennis?
Yeah, Kyle's dog.
This big Irish wolfhound.
Molting all over my couch. Right.
And I'm like, "That's it."
Yeah. So I-I take Dennis.
Yeah. I open the door.
Right. Push him out.
Right.
And I gave him a little kick.
Yeah?
Yeah.
That's it?
Yeah.
That's it? Jesus Christ, Tolbeck,
I thought you'd fucking killed Kyle or something.
Who gives a fuck if you kick the dog out?
There's more.
Oh, there is more? Okay. Oh, okay. Go.
I just got a text from Kyle. Right.
Dennis is missing.
(sighs)
And that is it, is it? That's it.
Oh, fuck me. Tolbeck.
I mean, what have I become?
A dog kicker? That's not me.
Kyle is fucking your wife, Tolbeck.
Do you understand? He is having
penetrative sex with Lisa. Okay?
So if you'd killed both of them, I would've thought, "Yeah.
"That's fair. He's killed them both.
Let's get rid of them somewhere around here."
Anyways, can you help me find Dennis
when our shift is over? No.
Please. No.
Absolutely not.
As your friend-- as maybe your best friend--
I am not gonna help you find fucking Dennis.
And bear in mind, I was ready to help you bury two bodies.
Why are you so angry?
'Cause one of us has to be angry!
Okay? One of us has to be angry, Tolbeck.
It's... This is appropriate anger.
This is an appropriate response to that situation.
Okay? And, yeah, I will help you find Dennis.
And when we find him, I'm gonna kick him in the head.
Yeah. I'm gonna kick him in the fucking head.
Till he's dead.
"Roberto had another fanciful thought.
"He had a powerful imagination,
"and it often provided him with whimsical escapes
"from dreary tunnel life.
"His muscles bulged with expectation.
"Ostensibly, this tunnel
"was his path to fame and fortune.
"But, perhaps even more ostensibly,
it was merely a tunnel."
Chapter 48.
(sighs)
Thoughts?
If I may?
Please. Yeah.
Okay, for example, this, uh, this word, um...
"osense-osensibly."
"Ose-Os..." Ostensibly.
Oh, that's the one.
Yeah. Man, you use that word a lot.
It's my favorite English word. I could tell.
But is it too much?
Do you use it too much?
Mm. Mm. No?
It's a cool-sounding word.
Sure, but what does it mean?
What does that word mean? It means
something could be something,
or something could not be something.
You could basically say that about everything.
Or anything in the world, really.
Ostensibly.
MAN: Turns out John Doe was Adrian Colbert, 52 years old.
I recovered some receipts from him.
Seems our boy liked tacos.
ANGUS: Okay.
How this?
"Dear Vanessa, I know this looks bad,
"but honestly it's the best result for you.
"So don't be sad.
"Live your life.
"Just stop having boyfriends for a while.
"Your son is awesome,
"and maybe he's the only man you need in your life. Anyway...
Sincerely, Adrian."
Yeah, no, I think there's, uh...
Be honest. There's some good stuff in there,
for sure, but...
I don't know, maybe in a little while,
take a look at it with some fresh eyes
and maybe take another pass at it.
Yeah, this is, uh, a first draft.
Yeah, I don't know.
I'm supposed to air this out.
Oh, shit.
What was that?
Hey. Hey, Angus.
How-How's this look?
It looks, it looks pretty good. Yeah?
Okay, 'cause you jumped up... I mean, it's a little bit bigger
than your other ear. You jumped up right when you...
And now you're going over here.
Which makes me think maybe you don't want to look at it.
You're not even really looking at it. Does it...?
I looked at it, man. Angus, does it look...
Does the ear look normal? Yeah. Yeah.
Does it look like this one?
I mean, yeah, if you look closely.
I mean, it's... Like I said, it's a little bit b-bigger.
And it's obviously-- I don't know It's bigger?
if it's just infected or something, but... What do you mean, it's bigger?
it seems like it's... Oh, shit.
You're right, it's bigger. It's, like...
it's, like, bigger.
Oh, goddamn it, this guy really fucked me.
What, the surgeon?
I couldn't exactly go to a doctor and have this done.
There'd be a lot of questions, you know?
So I went down to Tijuana to do it.
I knew I should've just spent a little bit more money on this.
This was so stupid.
But I love a bargain, you know?
Yeah, I know. And he was like, "Come down.
"We won't even use anesthetic.
We'll just get drunk at the bar." Which we did.
And then went back to the clinic.
Open up a fridge, and the kid's got, like...
drawer full of ears, you know?
A drawer full of ears? Yeah.
They got a drawer full of fingers,
drawer full of nipples,
drawer full of ears. They got everything.
You know when you... A drawer full of ears, fingers and nipples?
Different drawers.
I don't think you can mix them.
So, this box full of, uh, ears... Yeah.
You looked in there,
and they were all definitely human ears?
What the fuck does that mean?
Uh, it looks...
Be honest. Be honest with me.
I'm trying to be honest. If you let me speak...
Be honest with me! It looks a little like a pig ear.
What?! Yeah.
What do you mean, it looks like a pig's ear?
Uh, I-I mean...
No. It looks like an ear
that would be attached to a pig. Is it pointy? Is it... Wait.
Yeah. I mean, I'm sorry
to br-break this to you, man, but...
Are you telling me this looks
like a fucking pig's ear on my head?
You could get another one
and become Pig Ear Marco.
Your advice is get a second pig ear? Come up behind someone...
(snorts)
You know what? You're a fucking dick.
You're a dick, and your suicide note was shit.
Your mom is grieving,
and you're writing her a fucking love letter?
All about how awesome you are
and how she doesn't need any more boyfriends
'cause she's got her son? That was one sentence, man.
Like, read into that, man. That was your first pass?
It was a pass at your mom.
(snorts)
Fuck you!
(sighs)
Look, I'm sorry about before.
I didn't mean to get so worked up. I just...
Lisa wants to have an open marriage, okay?
How about we make it really open?
You know what I mean? For all parties involved.
I don't know.
Kyle's a one-woman man, so...
No, no, no, I mean... I'm talking about you.
You should see other pe... You should... Oh.
Why are you so obsessed with Kyle?
Kyle is very talented.
He's actually building his own yurt.
Nobody cares about a yurt.
What is a fucking yurt? It's a bullshit structure, okay?
Hero cop is the thing that women want.
Hero cop, okay?
Okay. And when we make this drug bust,
Yeah. we may even get a medal.
No way. Yeah, a medal.
A big shiny medal.
I've never gotten a medal before.
Well, you better get ready to get one.
'Cause it's gonna match your big, shiny dick.
What?
And when that happens, a dozen Kyles
won't stack up to you. You know why? Why?
'Cause you're the cop.
You're the hero cop. Stop it.
Okay? You know what I'm talking about? Right.
Do you know what I'm talking about?
I do. Stop tickling me. Okay.
You're-you're the big dog. (sighs)
You're the big dog here, okay, on this hunt, all right?
All right. All right. And there's no dog
in San Diego as big as this dog. Okay.
So let me hear you bark, dog.
Arf.
Let me hear you bark, dog.
Arf! Arf! No. No.
Release the belly. Let me hear you bark.
Woof! Woof! That's what I'm talking about.
Woof! Woof! Woof! Yeah.
JANICE: Car 27, please report.
Car 27.
CULLEN: Car 27, no activity. (Tolbeck barking)
Copy that.
Hey, um, Janice?
I've been meaning to talk to you about this actually, um...
Well, I don't think I'm gonna be here much longer.
It's just...
I, uh, well, I got offered a spot
in, um, over in 911.
And, um,
I only just found out today, actually,
but I'm-I'm gonna take it.
And just... You're leaving dispatch?
Yeah. I think it's gonna be more...
um, you know, more...
More what?
Uh, more exciting.
Oh. Well, I'm sorry
that being a major part of a huge drug bust
isn't exciting enough for you.
Well, that's the thing. It sounds exciting,
but nothing ever happens.
Actually, that's not true.
On the first night, Tolbeck shot someone, and I thought, "Great.
"This is gonna be fun, you know. Uh-huh.
Stuff like this is gonna happen all the time."
But we just s-sit here.
And nothing happens, night after night.
Here's some advice, and I'm not even gonna charge you for it:
You're making a huge mistake, all right?
I know. I worked in 911.
You're making a mistake.
It's not personal. Mm.
If it wasn't personal, I wouldn't be feeling
all hot and bothered, and full of anger.
Sure.
What, you're leaving now?
Um... yeah.
This is the notice you give me? You're leaving now?
Um, I know. I-I...
Tony said I should, you know, get acquainted...
Tony. Mm-hmm.
...while it's slow here, 'cause, you know,
it's always slow, and...
All right. Well, good luck to you.
Really, thank you for everything.
Yeah.
I'm gonna miss this.
Yeah.
Uh...
Um...
Hey, I'll come back and visit all the time. Yeah.
All right. Um...
Bye, Janice.
*
Welcome to 911. Thanks. Thanks, John.
Hey, Janice.
There's no waving or talking between 911 and dispatch.
It's the ultimate Bing Bong.
So... Bing Bong.
Good-bye. Forever.
So, you want a cup of tea?
Okay, should be nice. Yeah. Okay.
No. I'll get it.
No, no, it's fine.
Oh, my... What?
What? What? You can st-- You can stand?
Sure. Yeah, just... ooh.
On a good day. Mm.
Ouch.
Janice?
Bing Bong.
HALDEMAN (over radio): This case just got real, guys.
DEA is setting up the pieces.
Not long till we pull the trigger.
Woof, woof, woof! That's what I'm talking... yeah.
Woof, woof, woof! That's the stuff I'm talking about.
I'm the big dog! Yeah, you're the big dog.
Whoa, whoa, ho, shut up. Oh.
Haldeman, DEA. Hey, man.
Yeah, you coyotes ready to fuck this thing?
Oh, dude, we are ready to go.
Great. Um, you, I know you.
Yeah, I want you guys to know I got your back in there.
Okay. It's gonna get heavy.
Okay. It's gonna get really heavy.
All right. Yeah. Expect the unexpected.
These boys are coming in ready.
RPGs, flamethrowers, hand grenades...
Uh, I'm sorry, hate to interrupt.
I just want to say that my partner here
is a big fan of yours.
Oh, no, no, I'm not. You know, I'm just...
He's always going on about your Instagram account. Shut up.
Shut up, shut up, shut up. He's like, "Oh, you know,
Haldeman's got a new haircut that's pretty sexy, and..."
No, we're colleagues. Whatever, we're all cops.
Shut the fuck up. Yeah. Never mind. Okay?
So, uh, you were saying? So, what's happening?
Thank you very much, by the way.
Yeah. (exhales) Whatever. I'm...
We expect word between 0300 and 0500 hours.
So the raid is on?
Boys, it's on. (laughs)
Oh, my God. Dude.
It's on like Donkey Kong. Yeah.
You know what I mean? You know that expression? It is fucking on.
Yeah. It's on. (laughs)
Right. (laughs) It's on, man.
All right. We've done that enough, I feel.
Don't you? Yeah, sorry, man.
Yeah. Um, I did not mean to interrupt your flow.
I didn't have a flow.
Oh, man. Dude, I am pumped to do this with you.
I am also pumped, too.
We're both pumped. Yeah, yeah.
Can't wait to get that medal.
I'm gonna shove that shiny thing
in Kyle's shirt-dicking face.
You know what I'm saying? What does that mean?
What's a shirt-dicking face? It's a shirt-- Well, he's...
He wears shirt-- shirt-dicking, explain it to him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, shirt-dicking.
It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Yeah, but what is it?
Well, it's like when you don't wear any pants...
When you don't wear any pants, you're just wearing a shirt.
You guys do that?
No. I don't. I mean, his-- I mean...
Sounds nice. (laughs) No, no. I do.
I mean, it sounds stupid at first, but then after, you know,
when you think about it, it's kind of cool. Yeah.
So, you and I are gonna take the eastern perimeter.
Mm-hmm. All right. You and me?
Yeah, you and me.
Okay, dude. Eastern. Okay.
There a metal door in the rear. Right.
Let's assume that it's bolted shut. BOTH: Assumed.
Yeah. I got some detonators, some short blast detonators
I'm gonna put by it; we're gonna explode it, we're gonna knock
that fucking door right back to hell where it started.
(laughs) (phone vibrating)
Hold on, I got to get this. Yeah, yeah.
Who's gonna fix that door after it's...
No one. No one.
Hello. Haldeman.
Yeah, no, no, no. I'm briefing the boys right now.
Yeah, Team Coyote.
(Tolbeck and Cullen whispering)
What does that mean?
What are you t...?
Then who the fuck am I talking to?
Say that to me again.
Hold on.
You boys got I.D.?
Yeah. Yeah, man. Uh, sure.
Real deal. Real deal.
All right, all right. Okay. Thank you.
Okay. We should've showed him that before.
Yeah, they're fucking SDPD. (laughs)
Fuck me in the fucking ass.
Yeah, I don't know, I don't know. Okay, yeah.
All right, have your laughs, have your fucking laughs, okay.
All right, yeah, then bring them over.
Yeah, exactly.
What the fuck?
You guys said you were Team Coyote.
Oh, I thought you were saying, like... I thought, I thought,
I thought you were saying, like, are you guys coyotes?
Like, are we raw and ready and hungry and wild. 'Cause we are.
Why would I say, "Are you guys coyotes?"
Well, interesting fact about coyotes,
they're excellent swimmers. Shut the fuck up.
Lot of peop... Shut the fuck up. Yeah, uh, we get it.
Can you do me a big favor? BOTH: Oh, sure.
Yeah, I mean, this is a big favor.
Man, anything. I'm gonna need you
to forget everything that happened between us.
Right. This didn't happen.
You guys go about your day,
playing, uh, fucking dick-shirts or whatever you play,
where you take your underpants off and keep your T-shirt on.
And I'm gonna go do the raid with the boys.
Deal? Uh... Okay, we can back you up, though.
We're happy to. Look, we're not doing anything else. All right, forget everything.
Okay.
Wow.
What the fuck, man?
Never meet your heroes, right?
He's not my hero. He's a fucking dick.
I'm sorry. No, don't be sorry, man. I-I...
He's a dick.
Oh, wait, he's coming back.
Oh, hey. Hey, one last thing.
Yeah. Anything.
Um, I'm gonna need you to move this car.
Right. It's just that we were the first car here,
so maybe we-we could stay-- maybe we should stay here,
you know what I mean? 'Cause we got the intel.
We got the local knowledge. I'm gonna need this fucking spot
is what I'm saying. Right.
I'm tired of dancing with you.
No, I know.
I'm tired of dancing with you.
Yeah. I-I-I... You understand?
Right. Oh, well, you know what, maybe bring Team Coyote up here,
and we could, you know, we could be, like,
Team Cobra or something.
Move your fucking car. Right.
Okay. Sure. Yeah. I mean, we can.
We'll move it. We can.
No, no, not-not you fucking can. You will.
No, no, no, we will. We will, we will.
Right. So what the fuck are you gonna do?
We're gonna, uh... Don't look over there.
I'm fucking talking to you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What are you gonna do? We're gonna, we're gonna...
What the fuck are you gonna do?!
We're gonna, we're gonna start backing it up...
So I'm gonna need you to move your fucking car.
So what are you gonna do?
We're, uh...
we're-we're, you know, we're gonna, we're gonna...
(sighs)
Uh, we're gonna move the car.
Well, great.
Good meeting you guys.
Team Cobra.
(engine starts)
*
* I had a rich, old uncle who was kind *
* He said that when he left
* All his money would be mine
* Well, he kicked the bucket just the other night *
* That's when I learned *
* He lost his fortune shooting dice *
* Well, you learn something new every day *
* You may not always like it
* But it just turns out that way *
* Well, you think you're so smart, you've got it made *
* You learn something new that very day. *
Captioning sponsored by CBS
Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org