♪
Oh, I think there's a pebble in my shoe. Can we stop?
No. Keep walking.
Well, it's never just gonna go away if we...
Oh. I think it's gone.
Ha! Why do you think they're having us wear red?
Do you think it's, like, an Eyes Wide Shutsex thing
or, like, a Porky'ssex thing?
I mean, it's definitely a sex thing.
I don't know. I'm sure it's significant
to some kind of nonsense they believe in.
Well, whatever the reason for the season,
we are crushing it.
I feel ridiculous in this thing.
I was gonna say, you look ridiculous.
I'm so glad you said it first.
Sir, you don't have the frame for a turtleneck.
Is this all you could get?
I mean, what is this fabric here?
It is a rayon blend.
And yes, for a budget of $25 at a thrift store,
I think I crushed it.
It's really itching the back of my neck.
-Oh, is it? Is it itchy for you? -Yes.
Try running a piping hot mic near your hoo-ha.
Is that where you placed your mic?
-Yes. You said "on your body." -I-I meant on your body,
like under your shirt.
What? No, you should be impressed,
okay, by my placement.
It shows how seriously I take this job.
Okay, yeah, great. Perfect job, great placement.
Thanks. [chuckles]
So, what do you think we'll find in there, huh?
Is it a Breaking Badsituation?
That's what I'm hoping for.
Maybe Magnolia was lying about the kids part,
but it was definitely some kind of a drug lab.
And I'm gonna find it, mark my shit.
[gasps softly] It is creepy A.F. in here.
Don't be thrown by the theatrics, Risoli,
This is Cultism 101. Stay focused.
This guru, this Terry,
he's gonna try and fuck with us, okay?
He's done it before. A few years ago, uh,
he converted Special Agent Buckley, so...
do not let your guard down.
Yeah, but that guy was a piece of shit.
-You knew him? -No, but...
if he joined a cult, odds are he's a piece of shit.
No, he wasn't a piece of shit; he was an FBI special agent.
So if Terry can do it to him, he can do it to us.
Stay focused.
RISOLI: Okay.
Ah. Wait, it's back. I have to stop.
-[quietly]: Okay, quickly. -Oh. Yeah, it's a pebble.
-[laughs] -Okay, great.
-Did you put that in there? -No.
'Cause that's funny if you did.
-You can tell me. -I didn't put it in there.
-Wh-Why would I...? No. -[stammers]
-Can we go? -Here, do you want it?
-No, I don't want it. -What?
A little "moment-o" of the big meeting.
Moment-o?
Yeah. Like it captures a moment.
No, you-you mean "memento."
No one means "memento." That doesn't make any sense.
Who can capture a "mement"?
Oh, my gosh, look at this.
Check this out. Who am I?
-The tribe has spoken. -[sighs]
How fucking hot is Jeff Probst?
Will you fucking listen to me, Risoli?
I did not come all this way to talk about fucking Jeff Probst
with you, okay?
I am turning this bullshit detail into a win.
Because that is what future FBI directors do,
they take down cults, and nobody-- not you,
not whatever bucktoothed cronies we meet in there--
is gonna fuck that up for me.
Are we clear?
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Sorry, that was just really hot.
-Did we not just have a moment? -No!
If anything, I was actively angry at you.
Wow. Totally misread that mement.
Just focus, okay? We're here.
-All right. -Just remember,
stay together and do not talk.
I'll do the talking.
BOTH: Oh, shit.
♪
[chuckles]: There you are.
My God, I've missed you.
Oh, you were gone so long.
I've missed you. It was amazing, Dirk.
I had a total...
Ah, don't touch me. I had a total awakening.
Terry is just-- whoo!
[chuckles]: Wow. You seem really, uh...
Awake. I'm awake. I feel like I'm vibrating.
Am I vibrating?
Yeah, uh, so, tell me-- two days.
-Mm-hmm. -[chuckles]
So many more days than one hour,
which is how long I thought it would be.
Uh, wh... so, what's Terry like?
Terry is-- whoo!
[panting]: Uh, Terry is it,man.
Terry is it.
You want to whoop with me? It's free, you know.
And it feels amazing.
Well, maybe later. You know, I got a lot on my mind,
and I don't want to do it wrong.
So, uh, y-you look incredible, by the way.
-I know. Yeah. -Oh, God, I've missed you.
Oh. Please don't touch me. Hmm.
-Strawberry, is there a problem? -Great question.
For the first time in my life, no.
Terry helped me make sense of everything.
Of course it all happened the way it did--
I'm not wired for the world I live in.
It's like I'm a condor,
and my whole life I've been stuck in mud.
But now I'm free to soar!
-[exhales]: Ah... -Wait, wait, wait. I'm the mud?
Yes, right! You get it. I knew you would.
Doesn't it just feel great to finally communicate
and be on the exact same page?
A-Are you saying I'm holding you back or something?
[scoffs]: Oh, please, don't make this about you, Dirk.
Terry just got me out of the mud.
I can't go back in it, and I won't.
Whoo!
Wait, are you packing?
Oh, I'm moving out. Was that... was that not clear?
No, it was not.
What, y-you're moving to where?
Well, Terry said I could have separate living quarters,
and I want that, so I'm moving out.
Oh, my God, Terry has turned you against me.
Oh, I'm such a fool.
Oh, no wonder there was nothing online about Terry.
This whole place is probably just designed for him
to seduce all the pretty young things.
[chuckles] Don't be silly.
Just wait, just wait till you meet Terry.
She'll really... she'll help you understand...
She? Wait.
Terry's a woman?
Boo!
-[gasps] -Oh! Shh.
[chuckles]
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Please take a seat, agents.
I'm Terry. You're very welcome here.
Oh. And you wore red.
That's adorable. We were just having some fun.
Didn't actually think you would do it.
No, of course. We knew that.
We were just playing along.
We, uh, we just wanted to show you we have a sense of humor
despite our authoritative demeanor.
And if you can't laugh at yourself,
then what's the point, right?
That's my motto.
Oh, great. You're both in on the prank?
No one could tell me? Very nice, very nice.
You owe me 25 bucks, by the way.
And I have a question for you, sweetheart.
You like, uh, to laugh so much, let me ask you this.
Did you think Waco was funny?
Because if you thought Waco was funny,
maybe you're asking for another Waco.
I did not think Waco was funny.
No, I think Waco was a terrible tragedy.
Why would you bring it up?
I don't know. Why was I bringing that up, Cullen?
-I don't know. -Is it because
you're the leader of a cult?
Ah, well, I think we see this a little differently.
But, hey, there's more than one color in a rainbow, right?
Fuck you, and fuck your rainbows!
-How about that? -Okay, okay.
[laughs]: No, no, no, please.
I love how expressive you are.
It's your truth.
-Sorry to interrupt. -Jade. Welcome.
Can I interest either of you in a hot stone massage?
-No, thank you. -Oh, fuck yeah, Jade.
-I would like that. -What?
-Just, like, a 20-minute hot stone massage?
Super quick. Technically on the job right now.
Look where we are,
-and ask yourself... -Okay.
...do you want to be doing that?
A-A thousand percent.
I will come back alert because of my massage.
Okay, underwear on or off?
Completely your decision.
Oh, you know what? I'm gonna keep them on.
So I guess now the adults can talk.
Have a seat.
Now, look, we all make silly decisions, don't we?
But if you believe in natural selection,
we are the smartest iteration of our species yet.
With all due respect, Terry, let's, uh, let's slice the caca.
I didn't come here to, uh, discuss your theories
about the species.
Why did you ask me here?
I see no reason for us to be adversaries.
The real question is, why did you accept?
Look, I know how you operate, okay?
I know you've cat-and-moused agents in the past.
I know what you did to Special Agent Buckley.
Okay? Let me just assure you, that's not gonna happen here.
My parents told me they love me.
I played Little League.
I don't join cults. I take them down.
[Terry sighs]
Thank you, Frante. Oh, you did bergamot.
That's excellent.
[chuckles]: Really?
You're really gonna try and Princess Brideme?
I don't think so.
I'm pretty well versed in poisoning cases,
and I'm very well versed in reverse psychology,
so I think this is a tea party for one.
If you think I'm trying to kill you,
I can see I have grossly overestimated
your intelligence.
Such a shame.
Thank you for coming. You can show yourself out.
No, no. Wait, wait. Maybe... You know what?
Let's have a do-over. I-I...
What are you doing here, Special Agent Cullen?
Our organization has committed no crime.
Freedom of religion is covered in the Constitution.
So use that pretty little mouth to give me an answer,
or kindly get the fuck out of my house.
[laughing]: Look at your face.
You should see your face right now.
Seems the pranker has become the prank-ee.
Is there a mirror in here?
No, no mirrors here?
You telling me this is a mirror-less yurt?
Yeah. Okay.
Well, listen, if you can't laugh at yourself, what's the point?
Am I right?
Here's to a meeting of the minds.
Mmm. [smacks lips]
That's excellent. Bergamot, you said?
My compliments to Frante.
[chuckles]
-[chuckles] -Did you recognize him?
No. Should I have?
I mean, it's fine if you didn't.
But if you did, I think you'd remember him
as our dear Special Agent Buckley.
♪
It's just weird. I mean, to spell her name that way.
I mean, with a "Y"?
Terry with a "Y" is usually a guy's name.
Uh, no, not usually. Always.
-It's always a guy's name. -Not always.
You go away for two days while I'm here with--
with ourdaughter, by the way.
Yeah, with Madison.
-I met our foster daughter. -Oh.
And yeah, she's older, but she's pregnant.
We're gonna be grandparents, Sue.
Oh, yeah, I don't want that.
That's the reason we're here-- for you to have a child,
so we can start our family.
No. That's what youwant.
I-I-I don't.
Oh, so... so just no. Yeah, sorry, Madison,
Mommy and Daddy don't love you anymore.
Yeah, we never should have brought you into this world.
-That's what you're saying? -Yeah, exa... I mean,
I'd phrase it differently, but big picture, yeah.
So you expect me to single- parent and single-grandparent?
[groans] Just wait until you talk to Terry.
It'll all make sense.
When will Terry the woman be free to meet me, huh?
Or is she too busy ruining my life?
Terry says we can only trust others
as much as we trust ourselves, okay?
Couldn't be more clear. Just don't touch me.
[stammers] Women don't spell "Terry" with a "Y."
I'm sorry, they just don't.
It's deceptive, Sue. She's deceptive.
Oh, Terry said you'd do this.
Do what?
She said you'd fly into a rage,
like your dad did when he felt powerless.
Sue, please come back to me. I know you're in there.
Please just come back. [moans]
Listen, Terry says...
Terry says, Terry says, Terry says.
Terry says, Terry says-- Terry says touch your toes.
Terry says leave the man you love.
Terry says, "Help me dispose of Simon's corpse.
"I killed him so I could steal his game from him,
just like I steal wives from the husbands who love them."
I don't love you. I never loved you.
Strawberry, take that back,
'cause you have loved me since you were 16.
No, I met you when I was 16, and I'm not a strawberry.
So it's not like the love of your life is leaving you,
because I never loved you.
[crying]: Please stop saying that.
I love you and you love me.
I know you do because I feel it in my heart.
You're making the biggest mistake of your life.
I'm sorry, what? I-I can't hear you over all the snot.
It's just a lot.
-[sniffling] -Okay--
It's really grossing me out.
[gags]
We're not wired
to be living in the societies we've created.
Hi. No, you're not dreaming. [chuckles]
It's me, it's KB. Kevin Bacon.
You know, a lot of people assume
that just because I am an internationally acclaimed
film and television star-- musician as well
and, frankly, a role model-- that I'm just about money
and celebrity.
Well, yeah, I mean, I do like to be celebrated,
and I-I've got...
well, I got a shitload of money.
But what keeps me grounded is finding solitude, you know,
and serenity, here at the Collective.
Do you feel relaxed?
RISOLI: [exhales] Fuck yeah, I do.
Would you like to spend some time
in our sensory deprivation flotation tank?
Fuck yeah, I would.
Boy, I love your energy.
You know, in my 13 years out here,
I've only seen two types of agents:
ambitious rookies or washed-up never-weres.
But I can't figure out which one you are.
Okay, let's cut through the shit.
I'm not leaving here until I get a thorough look at your grounds.
I know you're hiding something.
I am perfectly okay with you looking around.
The only thing that I want in return is...
-Name it. -I'm about to.
I'm sorry. Go ahead.
The only thing I want in return
is for you to open your eyes.
Oh, they're open.
Do you know what happened after the Industrial Revolution?
A society emerged that evolved faster than our brains.
And now we are living in a constant state
of fight-or-flight, but instead of rhinos,
we're scared of our rectangles.
We are not wired for the lives that we live.
And here we are living sustainably,
the way we're meant to.
Out there you are just a caveman in a corporate jungle.
Let me ask you a question, how do your mink eyelash extensions
fit into your pared-back little lifestyle?
Yeah, I know what type
of eyelash extensions you're wearing,
and I know that they are the most expensive kind.
I dated a lash stylist.
-You shouldn't be here. -Then why did you invite me?
On this planet, darling, you shouldn't be on this planet
and neither should I.
We're antinatalist at the Collective,
and none of us should be here.
Life is full of meaning. Don't you see that?
It is just our society that is meaning-meaning-meaning...
Uh, uh, you're glitching. I think you're glitching?
I am? Let me restart-start-start.
Oh, boy, that's-- it's worse now than it was.
Shit, h-how did y-- y-your face is,
your face is twisted around...
-Am-am-am... -...and coming back around.
It's going the other way now
and then it's coming back around.
I'm not explaining it very well.
[echoes]: Risoli?
KEVIN BACON: Funny story,
in my first session with Terry,
she had me stare at my pinkie toe
for, like, six hours straight.
[chuckles]: I swear to God.
But now my relationship with that toe,
it's stronger than anything I've ever had, frankly,
with another human.
Hmm.
Hey, did you know that the three richest Americans
own as much as the poorest 160 million?
-How fucked up is that? -Mm.
Terry says the worst things are the best things,
and the best things are everything,
so without the worst things, we'd have nothing.
I'm-I'm paraphrasing, but that's the gist. You get it.
Hey, Sue Hoo. How was your time with Terry?
-It was everything. [laughs] -Right.
Oh, God, what I wouldn't give to go back to that first time.
It's like the mud just...
Yeah, we know all about the mud, Micah.
Ha, ha, thanks for bringing it up.
Is there anything we can do for you?
Thanks for stopping by.
Yes. Dirk, your security shift started ten minutes ago.
Yeah, I know. I'll be right there.
Sue, I want to hear more. Come by my yurt later?
-Absolutely. -[door closes]
I'm sorry, what were you saying?
Oh, nothing, just that I love you with all my heart
and I want to leave this place with you.
Right, yes, yes. Um, that's not gonna happen.
Ugh, Dirk, I really do want you to be happy.
I really do.
-Oh, you do? -Oh, of course I do.
Then why are you doing this?
You're really important to me.
Maybe we got together when you were too young.
Maybe I should've waited longer.
-[stammers] -[shushing]
It was always going to be like this.
So that's it, huh? I don't mean anything to you?
Well, I-- If it weren't for you bringing me here,
I never would have met Terry.
This is all happening because of you. So there's that.
Damn it, strawberry. You can't just leave me
feeling like this.
Y-- Just wait here. I have to go and do
my dumb security rounds now.
Uh, wait till I get back, please.
Well, no, I'll be gone. Yeah.
No, just wait. Okay?
We can continue when I get back.
I-I need some air, you need some air.
This will be good for us, a little air.
I'm good with the air, but you get some air.
Okay, look, I'm afraid I'm gonna insist here.
I will see you very soon.
Bye-bye, Mr. Cumberson.
Wow!
Wow. [chuckles]
I give that two heavy eyelids.
Would you like to take a stroll through the serenity gardens
with a fresh nectarine from our orchard?
No, Jade. I'd fucking love to.
Oh. [laughs]
Your profanities remind me of my dad.
Oh, wait. Can I use the bathroom?
Of course you can.
Terry says, Terry says, Terry says.
[grunts] Why is this happening?
[grunts]
Can-can you hear that?
I can't.
But are your eyes open?
Yeah, but can you not hear that? Can you seriously not hear that?
It sounds like, it sounds like the Earth
is taking its pants off and the belt buckle
is, like, flapping around.
Someone help the Earth with its pants. Somebody?
It's not your fault that your childhood dog Toby
ran away when you were home alone.
Hmm? How did you know?
Did you take Toby?
You masturbating had no bearing on the fate of...
No, no, no, no. I wasn't masturbating,
I was just scratching it. It was just really...
I-- No, no, I was exploring--
Sh-- I wasn't being naughty.
Could you stop, please? I have to find Toby.
Toby? [whistling]
Agent Cullen, are you hot?
No. Yes.
God, I'm freezing. I'm-- You know what?
I-- it's kind of perfect.
I feel like I'm perfect temperature. Why?
Because you've taken off all your clothes.
What? Wh-- What happened to my chest hair?
Please help me, Terry, please. Please help me.
I don't know what's happening. Please.
Could-could you help me now?
Well, I can't,
because you ran out of the room 13 minutes ago.
I think you're in a field now.
No, I'm not. I-- Oh.
Oh. Oh, I am.
I am, aren't I?
I've seen three yurts on the northeast perimeter.
But none appear to be drug yurts or lab yurts.
-[door opens] -What is that?
[gasps]
Jim Joseph Parsons, I think I've found it.
-The lab. -[gun cocks]
-DIRK: Who the heck are you? -Oh.
-God, man, you scared me. -[stammers]
This is private property. I'm asking who the heck are you?
[dog growling]
Toby?
[sniffs]
I'm not special at all, am I?
[whimpers]
You don't want to do that. Put the gun away.
Okay, I do want to do that. I'm gonna count to three.
Why don't you get out of here
and go find some overalls that fit?
[growling]
You're trespassing, and you need to leave.
-All my stuff, my badge... -Don't you try me right now.
-...is in the sensory... -Don't try me,
-I swear to God. -...deprivation tank.
-Can you just... No. -I am serious, lady.
-Okay? One, two... -All right.
Well, I'm gonna eat this nectarine and enjoy my life.
-...three. -[dog growling]
[screams]
[whispers]: What the fuck?
[gasps]
[panting]
♪ I am the firstborn son♪
♪ There are some things I must get done♪
♪ When I head out into the night♪
♪ There are some things I must set right♪
♪ I like to dream you're safe with me...♪
MAN: Guh-doosh.
[whip cracking]
[drums beating, tribal grunt]