1 00:00:08,965 --> 00:00:12,005 TOLBECK: Highest bid. Three seconds left. 2 00:00:12,055 --> 00:00:14,005 Three, two, one. 3 00:00:14,057 --> 00:00:15,017 Yes! 4 00:00:15,058 --> 00:00:16,058 I won.Great, great. 5 00:00:16,103 --> 00:00:18,063 I'm cleaning up tonight.Okay, great. 6 00:00:18,105 --> 00:00:20,755 Looks like blondie's got a customer.TOLBECK: Hmm. 7 00:00:20,803 --> 00:00:22,853 CULLEN: Okay, money exchanged. Here we go. 8 00:00:22,892 --> 00:00:24,762 Let's take them in his car. 9 00:00:24,807 --> 00:00:26,067 No. No. 10 00:00:26,113 --> 00:00:28,293 I guess they want to do it out in the open. 11 00:00:28,332 --> 00:00:29,422 I guess they want to be caught. Okay, 12 00:00:29,464 --> 00:00:31,254 you ready to go?Yeah, one second. 13 00:00:31,292 --> 00:00:33,512 Tolbeck. We're rostered together, like, once a week. 14 00:00:33,555 --> 00:00:35,075 You're spending the whole night on your phone. 15 00:00:35,122 --> 00:00:36,862 Limit... Look at this. Limited edition 16 00:00:36,906 --> 00:00:39,126 1987 commemorative plate, 17 00:00:39,169 --> 00:00:41,299 Michael with Nancy Reagan. 18 00:00:41,345 --> 00:00:42,995 [laughs] 19 00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:44,263 Only 38 bucks. Look.No. 20 00:00:44,305 --> 00:00:45,565 I don't want to look, okay?[sighs] 21 00:00:45,610 --> 00:00:47,740 I don't support this frenzied buy up 22 00:00:47,786 --> 00:00:49,436 of Michael Jackson memorabilia. 23 00:00:49,484 --> 00:00:51,924 There's a reason why it's so cheap. 24 00:00:51,964 --> 00:00:53,494 Yeah, the market is down now, 25 00:00:53,531 --> 00:00:55,581 but it's gonna bounce back.I don't know about that, man. 26 00:00:55,620 --> 00:00:57,100 Hey, do you remember my cousin Gavin, 27 00:00:57,144 --> 00:00:58,674 the Michael Jackson impersonator?Mm. 28 00:00:58,710 --> 00:01:00,580 He quit doing that, and now he's selling 29 00:01:00,625 --> 00:01:02,665 carpet again.Right, 'cause business dried up. 30 00:01:02,714 --> 00:01:04,114 No. Actually, it picked up. 31 00:01:04,151 --> 00:01:06,811 But the clientele was not great. 32 00:01:06,849 --> 00:01:08,159 Oh, boy.They wanted him to do 33 00:01:08,198 --> 00:01:09,678 this cruise where...Oh, fuck me. We wasted time 34 00:01:09,721 --> 00:01:11,291 on your creepy auction. Now they're deep 35 00:01:11,332 --> 00:01:12,552 into it.Oh, God. 36 00:01:12,594 --> 00:01:14,384 Is that his leg or her leg? 37 00:01:14,422 --> 00:01:16,122 Fucking animals. I'm not touching that. 38 00:01:16,163 --> 00:01:17,563 We're just... Let 'em finish first. 39 00:01:17,599 --> 00:01:19,779 TOLBECK: Can we just turn a blind eye to this? 40 00:01:19,818 --> 00:01:23,128 I don't want that musky sex smell in the car.No, we can't. 41 00:01:23,170 --> 00:01:24,910 We're not turning a blind eye. We're bringing him in here 42 00:01:24,954 --> 00:01:26,134 'cause this is the dumb shit we have to do now 43 00:01:26,173 --> 00:01:27,133 since the demotion. 44 00:01:27,174 --> 00:01:28,524 I don't view it as a demotion. 45 00:01:28,566 --> 00:01:32,176 You know, I actually like being in uniform.Why? 46 00:01:32,222 --> 00:01:34,442 Every day that I wake up and I put this uniform on, 47 00:01:34,485 --> 00:01:36,835 I feel empowered and sexy. 48 00:01:36,879 --> 00:01:38,189 Oh, really? Sexy? 49 00:01:38,228 --> 00:01:41,618 Yeah. When I walk into a room, all eyes follow me. 50 00:01:41,666 --> 00:01:42,706 You don't like being noticed? 51 00:01:42,754 --> 00:01:44,284 No, man, I don't like being noticed. 52 00:01:44,321 --> 00:01:45,841 I like being undercover. Okay? 53 00:01:45,888 --> 00:01:48,058 I would like to kick a door down 54 00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:50,148 and yell, "Freeze. Special Agent Cullen." 55 00:01:50,197 --> 00:01:52,457 And throw a guy off a rooftop. That's what I would like. 56 00:01:52,503 --> 00:01:54,813 TOLBECK: That's a lot of cardio.Okay. 57 00:01:54,853 --> 00:01:57,073 Okay, they're done. Let's go. Come on, Tolbeck. 58 00:01:57,117 --> 00:01:59,027 I got another auction coming.Just, come on. 59 00:01:59,075 --> 00:02:01,765 Stop. Police.I-It's the Thrilleralb... [groans] 60 00:02:03,514 --> 00:02:07,044 Cullen, it's a limited edition with bubbles on the sleeve. 61 00:02:07,083 --> 00:02:08,263 Cullen. 62 00:02:08,302 --> 00:02:10,832 Hold it there. Police. 63 00:02:10,869 --> 00:02:12,309 Cullen, he's run... He's running.Tolbeck, get him. 64 00:02:12,349 --> 00:02:13,789 Tol... Yeah, chase him. 65 00:02:13,829 --> 00:02:15,269 Oh, he's really fast. 66 00:02:15,309 --> 00:02:17,309 He's an athlete.Chase him. Tolbeck, for... 67 00:02:17,354 --> 00:02:19,364 Oh, well, he's gone. 68 00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:21,010 Are you serious right now? 69 00:02:21,053 --> 00:02:22,583 I'm so sorry. He got away. 70 00:02:22,620 --> 00:02:24,140 Did you even try?No. 71 00:02:24,187 --> 00:02:26,757 My feet are not good right now. 72 00:02:26,798 --> 00:02:28,578 CULLEN: You have the right to, uh, an attorney. 73 00:02:28,626 --> 00:02:31,186 If you can't afford an attorney, one will be appointed to you 74 00:02:31,238 --> 00:02:33,198 by the court. Do you understand the rights I've read to you? 75 00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:34,420 Watch your head. 76 00:02:37,853 --> 00:02:39,203 Oh, my God. 77 00:02:39,246 --> 00:02:40,326 You guys are in so much trouble. 78 00:02:40,377 --> 00:02:42,287 Yeah, I know.You have no idea. 79 00:02:42,336 --> 00:02:44,636 No, we have some idea. Okay.No, you don't. Look, I'm-I'm related 80 00:02:44,686 --> 00:02:46,426 to a senator, okay? Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. 81 00:02:46,470 --> 00:02:48,340 Distantly related to a senator.Did we have coffee here? 82 00:02:48,385 --> 00:02:49,645 What did we do with our coffee?You are gonna remember this day 83 00:02:49,691 --> 00:02:50,871 You threw it out.for the rest of your lives. 84 00:02:50,909 --> 00:02:52,219 Fuck me.Oh, God. 85 00:02:52,259 --> 00:02:54,299 So, w-what now? Am I being charged or whatever 86 00:02:54,348 --> 00:02:55,648 down at the station? 87 00:02:55,697 --> 00:02:57,437 Yeah, you're being charged, okay, 88 00:02:57,481 --> 00:03:00,881 under California penal code 247B: engaging in prostitution. 89 00:03:00,919 --> 00:03:02,139 What?Yeah. 90 00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:03,442 Prostitution?That's right. 91 00:03:03,487 --> 00:03:05,397 Okay, that's insane. Why would I do that? 92 00:03:05,446 --> 00:03:07,186 I assume because it's your job. 93 00:03:07,230 --> 00:03:08,450 My job?Yeah. 94 00:03:08,492 --> 00:03:10,492 Do... Okay, do you not know who I am? 95 00:03:10,538 --> 00:03:12,978 I'm Amy Schumer. 96 00:03:13,018 --> 00:03:15,058 You're Amy Schumer?Yeah. 97 00:03:15,107 --> 00:03:16,887 Who is that?Amy Schumer. 98 00:03:16,935 --> 00:03:19,065 She's a actress, a comic. Right? 99 00:03:19,111 --> 00:03:20,461 Yeah, exactly. Yeah. 100 00:03:20,504 --> 00:03:21,904 I also write and I-I direct. Hi. 101 00:03:21,940 --> 00:03:23,940 Wh... I didn't know that.Yeah. Oh, yeah. 102 00:03:23,986 --> 00:03:25,466 That's amazing.It's time. It was time. 103 00:03:25,509 --> 00:03:27,339 I don't...But I'd like to make a statement. 104 00:03:27,381 --> 00:03:28,691 Okay?Okay. 105 00:03:28,730 --> 00:03:32,470 I will be fighting this charge tooth and nail. 106 00:03:32,516 --> 00:03:34,946 You can fight it all you want, but we know what we saw. 107 00:03:34,997 --> 00:03:37,087 That's ridi... Why would I prostitute myself? 108 00:03:37,129 --> 00:03:38,219 I have so much money. 109 00:03:38,261 --> 00:03:39,221 Is she worth a lot? 110 00:03:39,262 --> 00:03:40,702 Yes. Very wealthy. 111 00:03:40,742 --> 00:03:42,962 So successful. God.Okay. 112 00:03:43,005 --> 00:03:45,135 Look, that's a billboard for my new special. 113 00:03:45,181 --> 00:03:47,141 Oh, wow. You look great. 114 00:03:47,183 --> 00:03:49,493 That's you?Yeah, that's me. What do you mean? 115 00:03:49,533 --> 00:03:51,143 Really?What do you mean, really? 116 00:03:51,187 --> 00:03:53,017 Yes, that's me, right th... You know, 117 00:03:53,058 --> 00:03:54,628 they touch it up a little, but... 118 00:03:54,669 --> 00:03:56,149 Did you catch it? 119 00:03:56,192 --> 00:03:57,282 I didn't see it yet. No.You didn't see it? Okay. 120 00:03:57,324 --> 00:03:58,764 Yeah, no, get to it whenever. 121 00:03:58,803 --> 00:04:01,463 So you were having sex under a billboard of yourself? 122 00:04:01,502 --> 00:04:04,162 Right. Okay, how crazy would that be?[laughs] 123 00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:07,200 I have to look at my own success just to get off. 124 00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:09,117 [laughs] Yeah, can you imagine? 125 00:04:09,161 --> 00:04:10,991 I don't have to imagine it. We saw the whole thing. 126 00:04:11,033 --> 00:04:12,693 What did you even see? 127 00:04:12,730 --> 00:04:14,730 I saw you sucking off a guy 128 00:04:14,776 --> 00:04:16,996 next to a dumpster. Okay? 129 00:04:17,039 --> 00:04:19,169 Is he allowed to talk to me like that? 130 00:04:19,215 --> 00:04:20,825 Because I-I feel unsafe. 131 00:04:20,869 --> 00:04:22,309 You should not talk to her that way. 132 00:04:22,349 --> 00:04:24,349 Yeah, please don't talk to us that way.Wow. 133 00:04:24,394 --> 00:04:26,224 But we did see her sucking off a guy by a dumpster. 134 00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:28,566 And then he sucked you off by the dumpster, and then 135 00:04:28,616 --> 00:04:29,616 he fucked you against the wall. We saw-we saw the whole thing. 136 00:04:29,660 --> 00:04:31,490 You can't talk to us like that. 137 00:04:31,532 --> 00:04:33,062 You cannot talk to... speak to us that way.We all saw you do it. 138 00:04:33,098 --> 00:04:34,708 We won't have to see it and we don't have to talk about it. 139 00:04:34,752 --> 00:04:36,752 Okay, I want to make a statement here.Another statement? 140 00:04:36,798 --> 00:04:38,968 I want to make a statement, on the record, 141 00:04:39,017 --> 00:04:41,927 that I will be fighting this tooth and nail.Tooth and nail? 142 00:04:41,977 --> 00:04:43,977 And this will come up in court when I'm on the stand.Okay. 143 00:04:44,022 --> 00:04:45,762 Fantastic. It's gonna be a great day. 144 00:04:45,807 --> 00:04:48,107 Dispatch, this is car 34, come in. 145 00:04:48,157 --> 00:04:49,717 JANICE: Car 34, go ahead. 146 00:04:49,767 --> 00:04:52,337 Uh, requesting a unit to pick up a suspect for soliciting. 147 00:04:52,379 --> 00:04:54,419 Ugh, great. I'll put it on the list. 148 00:04:54,468 --> 00:04:56,168 "Ugh"? I'm requesting a car. 149 00:04:56,208 --> 00:04:58,518 Yeah, ugh. It's low priority. 150 00:04:58,559 --> 00:04:59,999 Just keep 'em in your car 151 00:05:00,038 --> 00:05:01,738 and bring 'em in at the end of your shift. 152 00:05:01,779 --> 00:05:03,649 Janice, she doesn't smell good. 153 00:05:03,694 --> 00:05:06,134 Also, it's Amy Schumer. Fun. 154 00:05:06,175 --> 00:05:07,125 Wait, really? 155 00:05:07,176 --> 00:05:09,306 Hi.Amy Schumer's in the car. 156 00:05:09,352 --> 00:05:11,492 Hey, you guys, do you think Amy Schumer would do, 157 00:05:11,528 --> 00:05:14,878 like, a shout-out video for my cousin's charity?Oh... 158 00:05:14,923 --> 00:05:17,453 Yeah, it's, uh, $12,000. 159 00:05:17,491 --> 00:05:20,971 Oh, hi. Hi, Amy Schumer. 160 00:05:21,016 --> 00:05:23,366 Um, so, yeah, 161 00:05:23,410 --> 00:05:26,110 it's for a charity. Uh, my little cousin... 162 00:05:26,151 --> 00:05:28,201 Right, yeah, hey, it doesn't matter 163 00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:29,720 what the disease or animal is. 164 00:05:29,764 --> 00:05:31,464 It's a 12K flat rate. 165 00:05:31,505 --> 00:05:33,285 Really? 166 00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,943 Yeah, hon, look, there's a lot of charities out there, 167 00:05:35,987 --> 00:05:37,377 and if you do one for free, you're gonna wind up 168 00:05:37,424 --> 00:05:39,344 doing 'em all for free, so... 169 00:05:39,382 --> 00:05:41,342 Oh. Okay. 170 00:05:41,384 --> 00:05:44,084 Yeah. Did you want me to go ahead and book that for you? 171 00:05:44,126 --> 00:05:45,556 Um, no thanks. 172 00:05:45,606 --> 00:05:47,476 No problem. We appreciate your inquiry. 173 00:05:47,521 --> 00:05:49,311 Okay, and hey, while I have you, 174 00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:52,129 I'd like to make a statement on the record 175 00:05:52,177 --> 00:05:55,697 that I will be fighting this charge tooth and nail. 176 00:05:56,747 --> 00:05:59,487 End quote. Over and out. 177 00:05:59,533 --> 00:06:02,273 Okay, I think we got it. 178 00:06:02,318 --> 00:06:05,668 Can I just say, also, that I don't care for you. 179 00:06:05,713 --> 00:06:08,853 And I have a feeling that your co-workers don't either. 180 00:06:10,152 --> 00:06:11,202 Hmm. 181 00:06:19,074 --> 00:06:20,124 So... 182 00:06:20,162 --> 00:06:23,252 Oh, fuck me. 183 00:06:23,295 --> 00:06:24,985 FATIMA: Is that the new supervisor? 184 00:06:25,036 --> 00:06:27,036 Huh?Wait, do you know him? 185 00:06:27,082 --> 00:06:29,562 Huh? Yeah, no. I-I don't know. 186 00:06:29,606 --> 00:06:31,566 Then why did you say, "Oh, fuck me"? 187 00:06:31,608 --> 00:06:33,218 Because he looks like a dipshit. 188 00:06:33,262 --> 00:06:35,092 He does? 189 00:06:35,133 --> 00:06:37,353 JANICE: Yeah. And now we work for that dipshit. 190 00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:39,087 So, fuck me, right? 191 00:06:39,137 --> 00:06:41,397 I guess. 192 00:06:41,444 --> 00:06:44,234 ♪ 193 00:06:44,273 --> 00:06:46,493 [groans] 194 00:07:10,691 --> 00:07:12,301 [knocking] 195 00:07:16,218 --> 00:07:17,788 Who's there? 196 00:07:20,918 --> 00:07:22,488 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 197 00:07:23,573 --> 00:07:25,583 Take your boots off. I got here an hour ago. 198 00:07:25,619 --> 00:07:27,269 I've been cleaning the whole time. 199 00:07:27,316 --> 00:07:31,096 Wow, guy, thanks. 200 00:07:31,146 --> 00:07:32,576 It's gonna be that kind of day, huh? 201 00:07:36,194 --> 00:07:38,154 AMY: I mean, it's so funny, right? 202 00:07:38,196 --> 00:07:39,196 Like, 203 00:07:39,241 --> 00:07:41,371 just why would I risk it all? 204 00:07:41,417 --> 00:07:43,987 Risk everything as just, like, a dirty, 205 00:07:44,028 --> 00:07:46,728 like, sexy little street hooker? [chuckles] 206 00:07:46,770 --> 00:07:48,420 It's like... I don't know, 207 00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:50,428 if I were to offer to blow you guys 208 00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:52,430 for, like, $30 each, 209 00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:55,342 you know, right here, right now, 210 00:07:55,387 --> 00:07:56,817 in the back of this car. 211 00:07:56,867 --> 00:07:59,217 Like, anybody could come by and see us. 212 00:07:59,261 --> 00:08:01,831 I mean, that'd be insane, right? 213 00:08:01,872 --> 00:08:03,442 Yeah, that would be insane. 214 00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:05,013 Yeah, exactly.Exactly. 215 00:08:05,049 --> 00:08:06,139 Yeah. 216 00:08:06,181 --> 00:08:08,621 Like, 25 bucks a pop. 217 00:08:08,662 --> 00:08:10,272 Right here, right now. Let's go. 218 00:08:11,534 --> 00:08:13,454 Wait, are you asking us, or... 219 00:08:16,147 --> 00:08:18,887 God, no. No. 220 00:08:19,934 --> 00:08:21,634 Or even, like, 15 bucks? 221 00:08:21,675 --> 00:08:23,145 I can blow you guys at the same time. 222 00:08:23,198 --> 00:08:25,458 It really feels like you're propositioning us right now, 223 00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:27,375 which is, in itself, a crime.Mm. 224 00:08:27,419 --> 00:08:29,469 Right, yeah, as it should be.It is. 225 00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:31,339 'Cause it's so wrong.Yeah. 226 00:08:31,380 --> 00:08:32,860 Yeah.Criminal. 227 00:08:32,903 --> 00:08:34,473 So criminal.Yeah. 228 00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:36,214 Yeah. It's, like... [scoffs] 229 00:08:36,254 --> 00:08:38,084 like, nine dollars, you know, 230 00:08:38,126 --> 00:08:40,866 to fold both of your penises in my mouth 231 00:08:40,911 --> 00:08:43,911 while you make intense eye contact with each other. 232 00:08:44,959 --> 00:08:48,179 A slow, unrushed... 233 00:08:48,223 --> 00:08:50,053 blowj. 234 00:08:50,094 --> 00:08:51,234 No. 235 00:08:51,269 --> 00:08:53,789 I agree with the no answer. 236 00:08:53,837 --> 00:08:56,617 Right.That's not something that we want right now. [chuckles] 237 00:08:56,666 --> 00:08:58,096 Or ever. 238 00:08:58,146 --> 00:08:59,886 We never want that to happen. 239 00:08:59,930 --> 00:09:02,590 So that's a big "no, thank you" there, Amy Schumer. 240 00:09:02,629 --> 00:09:04,239 Well, thank God. 241 00:09:04,282 --> 00:09:05,762 'Cause, guess what, I would 242 00:09:05,806 --> 00:09:07,326 never do that. 243 00:09:07,372 --> 00:09:08,592 Okay? 244 00:09:08,635 --> 00:09:10,845 Okay? 245 00:09:13,727 --> 00:09:15,507 What is that? 246 00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:19,165 No, I'm just saying, like, you know, this is crazy, right? 247 00:09:19,210 --> 00:09:21,000 Right. Okay. But don't look at me like that, okay? 248 00:09:21,038 --> 00:09:22,038 I don't like that. 249 00:09:24,259 --> 00:09:26,129 What are you doing with your eyes? 250 00:09:26,174 --> 00:09:28,134 I'm just saying this is weird. Hello. 251 00:09:28,176 --> 00:09:30,526 Yeah, it's pretty weird when you look at me like that. 252 00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:33,830 Just look out the window, please. 253 00:09:33,877 --> 00:09:34,967 Could you look out the window, please? 254 00:09:35,009 --> 00:09:37,449 Okay. Fine. 255 00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:42,931 FATIMA: Oh, my God. 256 00:09:42,973 --> 00:09:44,853 I'm looking up what celebrities charge 257 00:09:44,888 --> 00:09:45,928 for posts... 258 00:09:45,976 --> 00:09:47,456 Hmm? What? 259 00:09:47,499 --> 00:09:49,979 Okay, what's going on with you? 260 00:09:50,024 --> 00:09:52,204 Do you know the new supervisor?[sighs] 261 00:09:53,244 --> 00:09:54,464 All right, fine. 262 00:09:54,506 --> 00:09:56,066 I know the dipshit. 263 00:09:56,117 --> 00:09:58,377 We started out together, right here in dispatch. 264 00:09:58,423 --> 00:09:59,953 He was my first partner. 265 00:09:59,990 --> 00:10:01,210 Wow. 266 00:10:01,252 --> 00:10:03,252 Why don't you go say hi? 267 00:10:03,298 --> 00:10:04,598 [scoffs] Yeah. 268 00:10:04,647 --> 00:10:06,477 I'm gonna get out of my seat, 269 00:10:06,518 --> 00:10:09,168 go into his office to say hi. 270 00:10:09,217 --> 00:10:12,217 Spare me your misogyny bullshit, Fatima. 271 00:10:12,263 --> 00:10:13,483 I'm not a misogynist. 272 00:10:13,525 --> 00:10:14,825 Well, you're not an ally. 273 00:10:14,875 --> 00:10:17,655 Sorry. I just thought something happened, like... 274 00:10:17,704 --> 00:10:20,184 an office romance or something? 275 00:10:20,228 --> 00:10:22,138 What? Me and him? 276 00:10:22,186 --> 00:10:23,666 That's disgusting. 277 00:10:24,711 --> 00:10:26,281 I mean, I fucked him a little. 278 00:10:27,235 --> 00:10:28,755 Don't judge me. 279 00:10:28,802 --> 00:10:30,592 This was during Y2K, all right? 280 00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:31,590 The world was ending. 281 00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:33,241 Nobody-nobody gave a shit. 282 00:10:33,284 --> 00:10:36,464 I wasn't judging.I'll go say hi if it'll make you shut up. 283 00:10:38,246 --> 00:10:40,246 [sighs] 284 00:10:47,298 --> 00:10:48,518 [slurping] 285 00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:50,780 MAN: Did you remember your silencer? 286 00:10:50,824 --> 00:10:53,174 [gargling, bubbling] 287 00:10:53,217 --> 00:10:55,307 What do we know about the target? 288 00:10:55,350 --> 00:10:57,570 Who are they? What do they do? 289 00:10:58,745 --> 00:11:00,085 Nothing. 290 00:11:00,137 --> 00:11:03,447 Just whoever checks into that room next. 291 00:11:03,488 --> 00:11:05,578 Cool. Great. 292 00:11:05,621 --> 00:11:07,581 Whoever checks into that room next. 293 00:11:07,623 --> 00:11:11,153 They don't tell us anything. 294 00:11:11,192 --> 00:11:13,152 They don't send us a photo, 295 00:11:13,194 --> 00:11:15,154 they don't tell us when to expect... 296 00:11:15,196 --> 00:11:17,106 What if the housekeeping person comes into that room-- 297 00:11:17,154 --> 00:11:18,854 we gonna shoot her? 298 00:11:18,895 --> 00:11:22,545 We just gonna kill her? It doesn't make sense. 299 00:11:22,594 --> 00:11:24,164 And they have the information. 300 00:11:24,205 --> 00:11:25,465 Gary. 301 00:11:25,510 --> 00:11:27,120 [exhales] 302 00:11:27,164 --> 00:11:30,214 You know how many calories are in this soda? 303 00:11:30,254 --> 00:11:33,824 Uh... Bi... It's big. I'm not sure. 304 00:11:33,867 --> 00:11:35,387 It's 2,000. 305 00:11:35,433 --> 00:11:39,183 And you know what my daily calorie intake limit is? 306 00:11:39,220 --> 00:11:41,180 I, uh... 307 00:11:41,222 --> 00:11:43,662 2,100. 308 00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:45,753 So I'm all in on this. 309 00:11:45,792 --> 00:11:48,062 And I am trying to enjoy it. 310 00:11:48,098 --> 00:11:50,268 And you are ruining it. 311 00:11:51,406 --> 00:11:52,756 [slurping] 312 00:11:52,799 --> 00:11:54,059 Hey. 313 00:11:54,104 --> 00:11:56,594 Uh, let me ask you, a-are you doing 314 00:11:56,628 --> 00:11:59,278 the slurping on purpose, Chief? 315 00:12:01,372 --> 00:12:03,292 I think you're only supposed to slurp at the end of a drink. 316 00:12:03,331 --> 00:12:05,071 You're slurping all the way through it. 317 00:12:05,115 --> 00:12:07,375 Which tells me you're s... just hovering 318 00:12:07,422 --> 00:12:09,382 at the surface of the drink. 319 00:12:09,424 --> 00:12:11,734 Gary! 320 00:12:11,774 --> 00:12:13,734 I-I didn't mean to ruin your nice drink. 321 00:12:13,776 --> 00:12:16,076 Shut the fuck up. 322 00:12:16,126 --> 00:12:17,076 Yeah. 323 00:12:17,127 --> 00:12:19,127 [slurping] 324 00:12:21,436 --> 00:12:25,136 AMY: Can I be, like, Brené Brown real 325 00:12:25,179 --> 00:12:27,619 with you all right now?Ooh. 326 00:12:27,659 --> 00:12:29,709 [chuckles] Okay. I actually 327 00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:32,619 wasoffering to blow you before. 328 00:12:32,664 --> 00:12:34,144 Yeah. It felt real. 329 00:12:34,188 --> 00:12:35,318 Mm-hmm.[chuckles]: Yeah. 330 00:12:35,363 --> 00:12:36,933 And I'm just so glad that you said no, 331 00:12:36,973 --> 00:12:38,983 because, you know, after being around you 332 00:12:39,019 --> 00:12:40,889 and spending more time with you, I realize, like, 333 00:12:40,934 --> 00:12:43,204 you're-you're really good guys. 334 00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:44,290 That's nice. Thank you. 335 00:12:44,328 --> 00:12:46,238 You're just really old. 336 00:12:47,592 --> 00:12:49,332 Well, we said no anyway, so... 337 00:12:49,377 --> 00:12:51,597 D... I know. Thank God.Right. 338 00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:54,210 'Cause you're just from, like, a different, older generation 339 00:12:54,251 --> 00:12:55,781 than me and I ju... I know I wouldn't 340 00:12:55,818 --> 00:12:57,118 have been comfortable if it came down to it. 341 00:12:57,167 --> 00:12:59,207 You know, we're not that old.Mm-hmm. 342 00:12:59,256 --> 00:13:00,206 Um, you're old. 343 00:13:00,257 --> 00:13:01,867 [sighs] 344 00:13:01,911 --> 00:13:05,221 Just thinking about your old bodies 345 00:13:05,262 --> 00:13:09,092 and how your semen causes cancer. 346 00:13:09,136 --> 00:13:10,876 The bad kind. 347 00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:13,620 Our semen causes cancer? 348 00:13:13,662 --> 00:13:17,012 Oh, yeah. Studies are showing that there's, like, 349 00:13:17,057 --> 00:13:19,757 loads of carcinogens in old come. 350 00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:21,319 [sighs]Yeah. That's not true. 351 00:13:21,365 --> 00:13:22,535 H-How do they know that? 352 00:13:22,584 --> 00:13:25,244 Oh, the radiation was off the charts. 353 00:13:25,282 --> 00:13:26,412 Really?Mm-hmm. 354 00:13:26,457 --> 00:13:27,627 Like Chernobyl? 355 00:13:27,676 --> 00:13:29,066 Exactly like Chernobyl. 356 00:13:29,112 --> 00:13:31,032 [moans]There's no way it's true, Tolbeck. 357 00:13:31,071 --> 00:13:33,551 [chuckles]: Yeah, yeah. Yeah, there's no way that that's true. 358 00:13:33,595 --> 00:13:35,375 Right. 359 00:13:36,598 --> 00:13:39,118 But it does make a little bit of sense to me. 360 00:13:39,166 --> 00:13:42,126 I mean, look, why do you feel so bad when you make it? 361 00:13:42,169 --> 00:13:44,909 Is it because you're making something that's bad? 362 00:13:44,954 --> 00:13:46,484 Just don't. 363 00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:53,139 Did you know that "old cop, teen actress" 364 00:13:53,180 --> 00:13:55,840 is the most-searched porn on the Internet? 365 00:13:57,097 --> 00:13:58,877 Mm. 366 00:13:58,925 --> 00:14:01,445 I specifically said no dairy. 367 00:14:01,492 --> 00:14:03,582 Yeah. 368 00:14:03,625 --> 00:14:04,795 Come in. 369 00:14:06,062 --> 00:14:07,242 Hi. 370 00:14:07,281 --> 00:14:08,891 Hello. 371 00:14:08,935 --> 00:14:10,885 I'm Clint Bergman. 372 00:14:10,937 --> 00:14:12,457 Yes, I know. Janice. 373 00:14:12,503 --> 00:14:14,243 Janice DeLongpre? 374 00:14:15,289 --> 00:14:18,639 Janice. Janice... 375 00:14:21,425 --> 00:14:23,685 [laughs]: Oh, my God. 376 00:14:23,732 --> 00:14:25,212 Janice.Mm-hmm. 377 00:14:25,255 --> 00:14:26,205 How are you? 378 00:14:26,256 --> 00:14:27,606 I'm great. You? 379 00:14:27,649 --> 00:14:29,089 Just-just doing swell. 380 00:14:29,129 --> 00:14:31,169 Wow. How long has it been? 381 00:14:31,218 --> 00:14:32,918 It has been 16 years. 382 00:14:32,959 --> 00:14:34,869 Incredible.Yep. 383 00:14:34,917 --> 00:14:36,657 We got old, huh? 384 00:14:36,701 --> 00:14:38,361 Yeah, I guess so.I see the wrinkle fairy 385 00:14:38,399 --> 00:14:40,229 paid you a little visit. 386 00:14:40,270 --> 00:14:41,490 Mm. Sure, sure. 387 00:14:41,532 --> 00:14:43,272 Been living out in the desert 388 00:14:43,317 --> 00:14:47,017 or something? Like, uh, Palmdale? 389 00:14:47,060 --> 00:14:48,670 Arizona? 390 00:14:48,713 --> 00:14:52,633 Because you have a kind of a outdoorsy desert vibe going on. 391 00:14:52,674 --> 00:14:54,724 Mm. No.Hmm? Oh, okay. No, I get it. 392 00:14:54,763 --> 00:14:57,813 You're just one of those women who doesn't wear makeup at work. 393 00:14:57,853 --> 00:14:59,513 Got it. I respect that. 394 00:14:59,550 --> 00:15:01,340 No, actually, I am wearing makeup. 395 00:15:01,378 --> 00:15:03,288 Really? Okay.Yes. 396 00:15:03,337 --> 00:15:04,557 Give me a sec. 397 00:15:04,599 --> 00:15:06,299 Sure. 398 00:15:07,428 --> 00:15:08,688 [quietly]: Yeah, it's me again. 399 00:15:08,733 --> 00:15:11,393 Can I get a softer tungsten light in my office? 400 00:15:11,432 --> 00:15:14,482 These fluros are brutal. People look like monsters. 401 00:15:14,522 --> 00:15:16,092 Okay. [chuckles] 402 00:15:16,132 --> 00:15:17,392 So, 403 00:15:17,438 --> 00:15:19,438 what can I do you for? 404 00:15:19,483 --> 00:15:21,183 Just wanted to swing by, 405 00:15:21,224 --> 00:15:24,364 say hi, make sure nothing was weird. 406 00:15:24,401 --> 00:15:26,231 All right? Just thought it was important 407 00:15:26,273 --> 00:15:29,893 to make sure we're on the right track. Okay? 408 00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:31,709 Why would it be weird? 409 00:15:31,756 --> 00:15:34,456 Oh, I don't know. The Galápagos? 410 00:15:35,499 --> 00:15:37,239 [laughs]: Oh, my God. 411 00:15:37,284 --> 00:15:39,244 Yeah. Yeah.That's right. 412 00:15:39,286 --> 00:15:40,766 Yeah.Oh. 413 00:15:40,809 --> 00:15:42,199 The Galápagos.Yeah. 414 00:15:42,245 --> 00:15:44,985 Wow. That was... I mean, we were just, 415 00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:47,251 we were just kids back then. 416 00:15:47,294 --> 00:15:48,734 Way to dodge a bullet, huh? 417 00:15:48,773 --> 00:15:50,913 Yeah. That would've been a huge mistake. 418 00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:52,390 Huge. 419 00:15:52,429 --> 00:15:54,689 Absolutely. Well, 420 00:15:54,736 --> 00:15:56,166 thanks for dropping by. 421 00:15:56,216 --> 00:15:58,776 Okay. Right.Yeah. I better, uh... 422 00:16:00,089 --> 00:16:01,659 ...I better get back to it.Yeah. 423 00:16:01,699 --> 00:16:03,179 Look busy, so, uh, we're good? 424 00:16:03,223 --> 00:16:05,233 Y... 100%.Okay. Okay. 425 00:16:05,268 --> 00:16:07,438 Bye. 426 00:16:07,488 --> 00:16:08,878 Thanks, Janet. 427 00:16:08,924 --> 00:16:10,234 Janice. 428 00:16:18,064 --> 00:16:19,284 [slurping] 429 00:16:24,505 --> 00:16:26,245 I'm just... I'm starting to think 430 00:16:26,289 --> 00:16:27,809 we've killed too many people, Chief. 431 00:16:27,856 --> 00:16:30,546 Like, 18 is just too many. 432 00:16:30,598 --> 00:16:33,338 Fuck. What happened? 433 00:16:33,383 --> 00:16:35,433 How did we get here, man? 434 00:16:35,472 --> 00:16:37,212 When we were kids, man, 435 00:16:37,257 --> 00:16:39,477 we just liked riding bicycles everywhere. You remember that? 436 00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:40,870 Then we got a little bit older, 437 00:16:40,912 --> 00:16:42,312 and we wanted to get a motorcycle. 438 00:16:42,349 --> 00:16:45,869 You got one first and I followed suit. 439 00:16:45,917 --> 00:16:48,267 And then we were both riding motorcycles all the time. 440 00:16:48,311 --> 00:16:52,271 It was great. And we ran into Jules and Jinx and Snoop 441 00:16:52,315 --> 00:16:55,445 and those guys, and we were like, "Hey, you guys are cool, 442 00:16:55,492 --> 00:16:57,452 like-minded, you got bikes." 443 00:16:57,494 --> 00:17:00,064 So we started riding all the time with them. 444 00:17:00,106 --> 00:17:01,976 And then they... then they beat the shit 445 00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:03,591 out of that one guy for no reason. 446 00:17:03,631 --> 00:17:06,501 And-and we kind of questioned it, but then we also 447 00:17:06,547 --> 00:17:08,197 kicked his ass, too. 448 00:17:08,244 --> 00:17:10,164 We didn't know what we were doing. 449 00:17:10,203 --> 00:17:13,643 Before we know it, bang-- there we are, we're in a gang. 450 00:17:14,729 --> 00:17:16,729 And now we're killing people, man. 451 00:17:18,385 --> 00:17:21,335 We're taking human life, Chief. That's insane. 452 00:17:21,388 --> 00:17:24,168 I just liked riding bikes, like, didn't... 453 00:17:24,217 --> 00:17:25,827 wasn't this a means to an end? 454 00:17:25,870 --> 00:17:29,090 Weren't we just gonna do this until we could go open our bar? 455 00:17:29,135 --> 00:17:31,175 And now here we are, sitting here talking 456 00:17:31,224 --> 00:17:34,404 about the 19th murder we're about to do together. 457 00:17:34,444 --> 00:17:35,974 You're probably just anxious 458 00:17:36,011 --> 00:17:37,401 'cause you messed up the last job. 459 00:17:37,447 --> 00:17:40,187 I did not mess up the last job. 460 00:17:40,233 --> 00:17:42,503 They said kill that guy, and I killed that guy. 461 00:17:42,539 --> 00:17:45,279 Yeah. You shot him. 462 00:17:45,325 --> 00:17:48,145 You were told to set him on fire. 463 00:17:48,197 --> 00:17:49,237 Yeah, well, 464 00:17:49,285 --> 00:17:50,845 what's the difference? Guy's dead. 465 00:17:50,895 --> 00:17:52,325 Uh, it's a big difference. 466 00:17:52,375 --> 00:17:54,325 [rhythmic squeaking in distance] 467 00:17:54,377 --> 00:17:55,547 Hear that? 468 00:17:57,554 --> 00:17:59,384 People fucking. 469 00:18:01,210 --> 00:18:03,870 God, I wish that was us. 470 00:18:04,909 --> 00:18:06,869 I wish that we were fucking, I mean. 471 00:18:06,911 --> 00:18:08,261 What?No, no. 472 00:18:08,304 --> 00:18:09,834 I don't-I don't mean you and I. 473 00:18:09,871 --> 00:18:12,701 I mean, yes, you and I. But with someone else, here... 474 00:18:12,743 --> 00:18:13,883 to-to take it. 475 00:18:15,268 --> 00:18:17,138 Chief, I wish you and I 476 00:18:17,183 --> 00:18:19,233 had a person, here, 477 00:18:19,272 --> 00:18:21,452 that we were fucking, together. 478 00:18:23,711 --> 00:18:25,411 Different. I wish you and I 479 00:18:25,452 --> 00:18:27,322 were fucking a different person.[squeaking stops] 480 00:18:27,367 --> 00:18:29,887 Oh. They're done. 481 00:18:30,935 --> 00:18:32,195 [sighs] 482 00:18:37,812 --> 00:18:40,862 FATIMA: Ugh. Broken sewage pipe. 483 00:18:40,902 --> 00:18:42,162 Gross. 484 00:18:42,208 --> 00:18:44,508 Car 34?CULLEN: This is car 34. Come in. 485 00:18:44,558 --> 00:18:46,858 Car 34, you are required at the corner 486 00:18:46,908 --> 00:18:48,518 of Balboa Ave and Conroy Street. 487 00:18:48,562 --> 00:18:50,522 We have a sewage pipe that has burst. 488 00:18:50,564 --> 00:18:53,004 Copy that. Fuck.What's happening? 489 00:18:53,044 --> 00:18:56,184 We got a new detail.What does that mean? 490 00:18:56,222 --> 00:18:59,532 I'm still getting arrested, right? Charged? Mug shot?No. 491 00:18:59,573 --> 00:19:01,533 They're not gonna see...No, it's your lucky night. Get out. 492 00:19:01,575 --> 00:19:04,135 Oh... No, no, no, no, no. You have to be kidding me. 493 00:19:04,186 --> 00:19:06,056 Uh, you promised.We promised? 494 00:19:06,101 --> 00:19:07,281 You-you promised. 495 00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:08,320 No, no, we're not, we're not doing that. 496 00:19:08,364 --> 00:19:09,974 AMY: Yes!Get out, Schumer. 497 00:19:10,018 --> 00:19:11,848 No! No! I'm not asking! I'm not asking you! 498 00:19:11,889 --> 00:19:13,409 I'm, well, I'm telling you I'll go to the shit sewer!Time out, time out. 499 00:19:13,456 --> 00:19:15,456 You're fucking strange.Time... time out, guys. 500 00:19:15,502 --> 00:19:16,632 Oh... 501 00:19:16,677 --> 00:19:17,977 Listen, Amy? 502 00:19:18,026 --> 00:19:20,066 It seems like you want to be arrested. 503 00:19:20,115 --> 00:19:21,115 What's up with that? 504 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,250 [exhales] 505 00:19:23,292 --> 00:19:25,512 Fine. You know how I just had a baby, right? 506 00:19:25,555 --> 00:19:27,205 No, but go on. 507 00:19:27,253 --> 00:19:29,693 Really? That's weird. 508 00:19:29,733 --> 00:19:33,083 It was, like, very important, like, viral news, 509 00:19:33,128 --> 00:19:34,698 that I had a baby. Okay. 510 00:19:34,738 --> 00:19:37,258 All right. Anyway, I had a baby, and-and... 511 00:19:37,306 --> 00:19:40,176 well, it really fucked me up. 512 00:19:40,222 --> 00:19:43,012 How? Was the birth, uh, rough or something? 513 00:19:43,051 --> 00:19:46,101 No. No, nothing like that. No, it fucked my careerup. 514 00:19:46,141 --> 00:19:48,141 TOLBECK and CULLEN: Oh...Yeah. Yeah. 515 00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:50,357 Turns out having a baby wasn't, like, "on brand" 516 00:19:50,406 --> 00:19:52,366 for me, or whatever.Did you say "on brand"? 517 00:19:52,408 --> 00:19:55,368 Yeah. All the offers I'm getting now for work 518 00:19:55,411 --> 00:19:59,291 are, like... like, uh-uh, for a mop commercial. 519 00:19:59,328 --> 00:20:01,288 Okay.That's how the industry sees me now. 520 00:20:01,330 --> 00:20:03,550 Mm-hmm.I'm just, like, a fucking mopping mom, 521 00:20:03,593 --> 00:20:05,383 who mops. 522 00:20:05,421 --> 00:20:07,901 Well, that is different from what you'd done before, 523 00:20:07,945 --> 00:20:09,115 but change is good. 524 00:20:09,164 --> 00:20:10,124 Come on! 525 00:20:10,165 --> 00:20:12,205 Okay.AMY: Keep it one hundred. 526 00:20:12,254 --> 00:20:13,304 Let's do it. 527 00:20:13,342 --> 00:20:14,522 I'm sorry, one hun... that just means, 528 00:20:14,561 --> 00:20:16,171 like, be completely honest. 529 00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:17,955 TOLBECK: With each other.It's like a new, generational thing. 530 00:20:17,999 --> 00:20:19,309 Why do youknow that? 531 00:20:19,348 --> 00:20:20,568 AMY: Listen, you don't know anything about me, 532 00:20:20,610 --> 00:20:22,220 and you don't know anything about my baby. 533 00:20:22,264 --> 00:20:25,054 My baby hates me. Hates me! 534 00:20:25,093 --> 00:20:27,493 Mm-hmm. AMY: I had one of those water births, 535 00:20:27,530 --> 00:20:30,840 and as soon as my baby came floating out, 536 00:20:30,881 --> 00:20:35,151 with all the blood, turds, and you know, regular turds 537 00:20:35,190 --> 00:20:38,240 and... yellow turds, 538 00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:41,240 like, just a bunch of turds...Yeah. 539 00:20:41,283 --> 00:20:44,203 [sighs] It just reminded me of when I was younger. 540 00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:45,333 I was in this local pool, 541 00:20:45,374 --> 00:20:49,554 and, um, my mom had made me this, 542 00:20:49,596 --> 00:20:51,336 like, fucked up lentil thing 543 00:20:51,380 --> 00:20:53,250 for lunch, you know? 544 00:20:53,295 --> 00:20:55,165 And I just kind of 545 00:20:55,210 --> 00:20:57,300 over-trusted a fart, 546 00:20:57,343 --> 00:21:00,823 and... I knew my life was ruined. 547 00:21:00,868 --> 00:21:03,868 Mm.And right then, I-I saw that 548 00:21:03,914 --> 00:21:06,274 doggy paddling nearby 549 00:21:06,308 --> 00:21:09,618 was Christina Tasuji, and I just... 550 00:21:09,659 --> 00:21:12,049 I just kind of moved my bathing suit to the side, 551 00:21:12,096 --> 00:21:14,266 and... [sighs] 552 00:21:14,316 --> 00:21:16,136 I let it creep out. 553 00:21:16,187 --> 00:21:19,227 I just kind of splashed it over her way. 554 00:21:19,278 --> 00:21:22,498 And once it was bobbing 555 00:21:22,542 --> 00:21:24,242 around her, I just yelled, 556 00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:26,503 "Christina pooped in the pool!"Mm-hmm. 557 00:21:26,546 --> 00:21:28,716 "Look, everyone, she deuced!" 558 00:21:28,765 --> 00:21:30,155 And all the kids, they just 559 00:21:30,201 --> 00:21:32,381 freaked out, you know, kids. 560 00:21:32,421 --> 00:21:33,551 They're so mean.Mm-hmm. 561 00:21:33,596 --> 00:21:35,556 They just started screaming, 562 00:21:35,598 --> 00:21:39,648 and they just made fun of her, and... 563 00:21:39,689 --> 00:21:42,339 and that was her nickname for the rest of high school. 564 00:21:42,388 --> 00:21:43,558 What? 565 00:21:43,606 --> 00:21:47,386 Christina Ta-poo-ji. Like "poo." 566 00:21:47,436 --> 00:21:48,916 Yeah. 567 00:21:48,959 --> 00:21:52,439 And then, like, 11 years later, her uncle overdosed. 568 00:21:52,485 --> 00:21:55,575 That's a horrible story.AMY: Yeah. 569 00:21:55,618 --> 00:21:58,228 [tearful]: This is really hard on me.TOLBECK: Mm-hmm. 570 00:21:58,273 --> 00:21:59,363 I really trust you guys, 571 00:21:59,405 --> 00:22:01,355 'cause I don't usually tell anybody this. 572 00:22:01,407 --> 00:22:03,627 [Amy crying]Okay. 573 00:22:03,670 --> 00:22:05,060 AMY: I mean... 574 00:22:05,106 --> 00:22:09,236 my baby... he's always been with me. 575 00:22:09,284 --> 00:22:11,374 Women are born with all their eggs. 576 00:22:11,417 --> 00:22:13,457 He was in that pool with me that day. 577 00:22:13,506 --> 00:22:16,376 On a cellular level, he knows that I'm a bad person, 578 00:22:16,422 --> 00:22:17,602 and he won't let me forget it. 579 00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:19,380 Look, I'm sure he'll grow to love you... 580 00:22:19,425 --> 00:22:21,375 No, he won't![quietly]: Ow. 581 00:22:21,427 --> 00:22:23,117 Look, it's done between us. 582 00:22:23,167 --> 00:22:25,777 See, this isn't about me, or my baby who hates me. 583 00:22:25,822 --> 00:22:27,352 This is about something bigger than that. 584 00:22:27,389 --> 00:22:28,829 This is about my career. 585 00:22:28,869 --> 00:22:31,049 All right? Okay. Okay. 586 00:22:31,088 --> 00:22:33,178 And it's over. Okay. So-- 587 00:22:33,221 --> 00:22:35,401 And to correct that, you want to get a criminal record? 588 00:22:35,441 --> 00:22:38,751 I don't get that.No. I get it. 589 00:22:38,792 --> 00:22:41,362 She wants a mug shot, right? 590 00:22:41,403 --> 00:22:43,193 You want to do a perp walk.Yeah. 591 00:22:43,231 --> 00:22:44,711 You know, like Nick Nol-tay. 592 00:22:44,754 --> 00:22:46,324 Like Nicholas fucking Nol-tay. 593 00:22:46,365 --> 00:22:48,145 Yeah, he got a best-selling memoir 594 00:22:48,192 --> 00:22:49,282 after he got arrested.Mm-hmm. 595 00:22:49,324 --> 00:22:51,634 Reese Witherspoon, she cursed out a cop. 596 00:22:51,674 --> 00:22:53,334 Big Little Emmy.TOLBECK: Mm. 597 00:22:53,372 --> 00:22:55,162 Okay?Are we saying Nol-tay? 598 00:22:55,199 --> 00:22:57,249 Yeah, Nick Nol-tay.That's his name, Nick Nol-tay. 599 00:22:57,288 --> 00:22:59,248 Okay. I guess it makes sense. 600 00:22:59,290 --> 00:23:00,730 But I'm sorry, we can't help you out tonight. 601 00:23:00,770 --> 00:23:03,380 We got something else to do, so, I'm sorry. 602 00:23:03,425 --> 00:23:05,115 Well, I guess I could write her up. 603 00:23:05,166 --> 00:23:07,296 [exhales] What's that? 604 00:23:07,342 --> 00:23:09,042 Well, I'd write you a ticket, 605 00:23:09,083 --> 00:23:10,303 you show up in court and contest it. 606 00:23:10,345 --> 00:23:11,905 Ooh!Yeah, that would make news. 607 00:23:11,955 --> 00:23:13,565 A lot of people would pay attention to that. 608 00:23:13,609 --> 00:23:15,829 Oh, my God. I'm kind of loving that. A day in court?Mm-hmm. 609 00:23:15,872 --> 00:23:18,092 I get a day in court? Pencil skirt. 610 00:23:18,135 --> 00:23:19,745 Yes, bitch.AMY [chuckling]: Okay. 611 00:23:19,789 --> 00:23:21,529 Amazing. Can you roll down your window? 612 00:23:21,574 --> 00:23:22,884 Yeah, sure. Why? 613 00:23:22,923 --> 00:23:24,323 Joe! Joe! 614 00:23:24,359 --> 00:23:26,409 TOLBECK: Who is Joe?AMY: My lit agent. 615 00:23:26,448 --> 00:23:28,098 Joe! Oh.There he is. 616 00:23:28,145 --> 00:23:29,705 Evening, gentlemen. How's it going?Great. 617 00:23:29,756 --> 00:23:31,056 Joseph Farrell.Okay. 618 00:23:31,105 --> 00:23:32,535 Jose-- Joe Farrell.Are you the guy 619 00:23:32,585 --> 00:23:34,365 who was having sex with her by the dumpster? 620 00:23:34,413 --> 00:23:35,373 That wasme.Wow. 621 00:23:35,414 --> 00:23:36,764 I was wearing a fake beard. Huh. 622 00:23:36,806 --> 00:23:39,066 Wow, you were really quick.Hey. 623 00:23:39,113 --> 00:23:40,683 Thanks, man. AMY: Joe, get a picture of me 624 00:23:40,723 --> 00:23:42,333 getting arrested. I look pissed. 625 00:23:42,377 --> 00:23:44,207 From from above, flash, 626 00:23:44,248 --> 00:23:46,338 really high up, so it looks like I'm, like, sick.JOSEPH: Absolutely. 627 00:23:46,381 --> 00:23:47,821 Yeah, I love it.Like I lost the baby weight. 628 00:23:50,951 --> 00:23:53,481 Looks really good.Okay, and, and then, this one, 629 00:23:53,519 --> 00:23:55,429 you guys, like, kind of, be screaming at me. 630 00:23:55,477 --> 00:23:56,387 I don't know if we should be in it. 631 00:23:56,435 --> 00:23:57,695 Yeah. You guys, it's fine. 632 00:23:58,785 --> 00:23:59,915 Uh, it feels kind of staged. Okay. And then 633 00:23:59,960 --> 00:24:01,440 this one, we're sexual, 634 00:24:01,483 --> 00:24:02,483 this one's kind of, like, sexual.I don't like-- Okay. 635 00:24:02,528 --> 00:24:04,178 JOSEPH: Oh, America hates you. 636 00:24:04,225 --> 00:24:06,175 Okay, I think that's gonna work great.All right. 637 00:24:06,227 --> 00:24:08,057 There you go.AMY: Yeah, you got it. 638 00:24:08,098 --> 00:24:09,748 And I'm back on the map. Right, Joey? 639 00:24:09,796 --> 00:24:12,486 Well, it was nice meeting you, thank you. Bye-bye. 640 00:24:12,538 --> 00:24:14,278 Bye. 641 00:24:14,322 --> 00:24:16,282 Oh. Wow. She didn't even say goodbye. 642 00:24:16,324 --> 00:24:18,984 No. I guess that's how she rolls. 643 00:24:19,022 --> 00:24:20,282 Sad. 644 00:24:20,328 --> 00:24:22,108 Hey, I wanted to tell you. 645 00:24:22,156 --> 00:24:23,976 Uh, remember when she was talking to us earlier 646 00:24:24,027 --> 00:24:26,597 about you and I together, with her? 647 00:24:26,639 --> 00:24:28,859 Looking into each other's eyes, 648 00:24:28,902 --> 00:24:30,382 and she would do it for nine dollars? 649 00:24:30,425 --> 00:24:31,765 Yeah, I remember that. 650 00:24:31,818 --> 00:24:33,598 I just want you to know, I... 651 00:24:33,646 --> 00:24:34,946 I have the nine dollars. 652 00:24:36,039 --> 00:24:37,819 Why are you telling me that? 653 00:24:37,867 --> 00:24:39,257 Because I thought you didn't want to do it 654 00:24:39,303 --> 00:24:40,303 because you didn't have nine dollars. 655 00:24:40,348 --> 00:24:41,518 No, that wasn't the reason 656 00:24:41,567 --> 00:24:43,177 I didn't do it. Oh, well, 657 00:24:43,220 --> 00:24:44,480 I just want you to know, 658 00:24:44,526 --> 00:24:46,136 if we're ever in that situation again... 659 00:24:46,180 --> 00:24:47,830 I have nine dollars. 660 00:24:47,877 --> 00:24:49,917 You know what I'm saying?I know what you're saying, 661 00:24:49,966 --> 00:24:52,446 I just don't know why you're saying it. Okay. 662 00:24:52,491 --> 00:24:56,151 Let's go to the shit sewer, huh?Yeah, shit sewer. 663 00:24:56,190 --> 00:25:00,720 ♪ I want to be tantamount to cordial ♪ 664 00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:04,290 ♪ Tantamount to good 665 00:25:04,328 --> 00:25:07,238 ♪ She can't make it to her car 666 00:25:07,288 --> 00:25:09,198 ♪ Without making... Oh, he's so cute. 667 00:25:09,246 --> 00:25:10,806 I want to have a baby one day. 668 00:25:10,857 --> 00:25:12,247 Oh. Here. 669 00:25:12,293 --> 00:25:14,033 ♪ Everybody hollering her name No, I mean my own... 670 00:25:14,077 --> 00:25:15,247 Right....baby. 671 00:25:17,690 --> 00:25:21,260 ♪ She's making friends 672 00:25:21,302 --> 00:25:24,832 ♪ I'm turning stranger 673 00:25:27,308 --> 00:25:29,918 ♪ The people on her end 674 00:25:31,225 --> 00:25:34,915 ♪ Couldn't make it plainer 675 00:25:38,449 --> 00:25:41,889 ♪ Sometimes I wish we'd never came here ♪ 676 00:25:43,498 --> 00:25:48,288 ♪ Seeing as I'm held in such disdain here... ♪ 677 00:25:48,329 --> 00:25:49,979 MAN: Guh-doosh. 678 00:25:50,026 --> 00:25:52,986 [whip cracking] 679 00:25:53,029 --> 00:25:55,989 [drums beating, tribal grunt] 680 00:25:56,032 --> 00:25:57,992 Captioning sponsored by CBS 681 00:25:58,034 --> 00:26:00,954 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org