1 00:00:25,251 --> 00:00:30,751 Homo! Are you a boy or a girl? 2 00:00:32,209 --> 00:00:34,292 Get a haircut! 3 00:00:36,334 --> 00:00:38,001 You know the feeling - 4 00:00:38,084 --> 00:00:41,042 when you don't come up with anything smart to say? 5 00:00:45,001 --> 00:00:47,417 Weirdo homo. - Yeah! 6 00:00:47,876 --> 00:00:49,834 It happens to me a lot. 7 00:00:55,209 --> 00:00:58,584 "Dickheads." That's what I should've said. 8 00:01:24,917 --> 00:01:29,001 LOTVONEN SLAUGHTERHOUSE 9 00:01:36,417 --> 00:01:39,001 I'm a metalhead. And we have a band. 10 00:02:01,251 --> 00:02:02,876 That's Lotvonen. 11 00:02:03,042 --> 00:02:05,334 He's insanely fast. As a guitar player. 12 00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:08,292 His parents own this reindeer slaughterhouse. 13 00:02:08,417 --> 00:02:10,209 He also works here. 14 00:02:15,001 --> 00:02:18,209 Pasi is the smartest guy I know. 15 00:02:19,459 --> 00:02:23,084 He might not be totally normal; he remembers everything. 16 00:02:23,334 --> 00:02:27,001 Like, every song he's ever heard. - Hi. 17 00:02:27,251 --> 00:02:30,292 Pasi works in the library. - You have Justin Bieber? 18 00:02:30,417 --> 00:02:34,542 We have Scandinavia's biggest metal record collection in town. 19 00:02:34,667 --> 00:02:37,001 Excellent choice. 20 00:02:38,501 --> 00:02:40,626 Uruguayan grindcore metal. 21 00:02:51,251 --> 00:02:53,542 Listen to that blast beat. 22 00:02:55,417 --> 00:02:57,251 That's one hell of a beat. 23 00:02:57,542 --> 00:02:59,834 Jynkky is the toughest guy in our band. 24 00:03:00,042 --> 00:03:01,876 He's not afraid of anything. 25 00:03:09,792 --> 00:03:12,001 What? Did he die again? 26 00:03:15,501 --> 00:03:20,251 Dilated pupils are a sign of the brain not getting enough oxygen. 27 00:03:20,376 --> 00:03:22,501 Jynkky! 28 00:03:25,417 --> 00:03:30,626 All right. - Yeah. Let's continue. 29 00:03:36,001 --> 00:03:38,376 Jynkky dives into things headfirst. 30 00:03:38,584 --> 00:03:41,167 That's why he's been declared dead twice. 31 00:03:43,167 --> 00:03:46,167 He's so eager to gig abroad. 32 00:03:46,417 --> 00:03:49,126 I'm not so sure about performing. 33 00:03:58,542 --> 00:04:01,876 We've known each other since we were kids. 34 00:04:02,001 --> 00:04:05,001 I guess we were all some kind of outcasts. 35 00:04:05,376 --> 00:04:07,292 This music is our thing. 36 00:04:07,542 --> 00:04:11,167 Other guys can play hockey and drive around chasing pussy. 37 00:04:11,292 --> 00:04:13,251 We play metal. 38 00:04:31,001 --> 00:04:35,084 Dinner's ready. You coming to eat? - Hell yeah. 39 00:04:37,334 --> 00:04:39,084 We're done rehearsing. 40 00:04:42,251 --> 00:04:45,001 Why do we always have reindeer? 41 00:04:45,917 --> 00:04:48,167 I'll eat yours. 42 00:04:49,751 --> 00:04:54,251 Your playing makes the reindeer want to kill themselves. 43 00:04:54,376 --> 00:04:57,917 Soon I'll be out of work. - Not funny. 44 00:04:59,251 --> 00:05:03,584 Boys, the meaning of life is like a clitoris. 45 00:05:03,709 --> 00:05:06,334 You move around it, but you can never be sure - 46 00:05:06,459 --> 00:05:09,417 you've found it. - You haven't. 47 00:05:10,042 --> 00:05:13,084 I've tried. - Quiet. Not in front of the boys. 48 00:05:13,251 --> 00:05:17,417 That was good practice! - That's right. 49 00:05:17,584 --> 00:05:20,834 We're getting there. - The sound was perfect. 50 00:05:22,459 --> 00:05:25,376 It would be awesome to play that cover at a real gig. 51 00:05:26,626 --> 00:05:29,542 If we played that, people would be floored. 52 00:05:29,834 --> 00:05:33,709 There's a club in Oulu where they have new bands. 53 00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:36,751 Seriously? - Yeah. What do you say? 54 00:05:36,917 --> 00:05:39,417 I mean, we've been practicing 12 years. 55 00:05:39,542 --> 00:05:42,001 That would be damn cool. 56 00:05:45,001 --> 00:05:47,751 No gigs before we've written our own songs. 57 00:05:49,834 --> 00:05:55,001 We're not playing covers. - Yeah, we need to write songs. 58 00:05:55,792 --> 00:05:59,876 I wonder what it would be like to be onstage playing. 59 00:06:12,251 --> 00:06:15,334 Morning! - Morning! 60 00:06:49,001 --> 00:06:52,917 I'm happy you provide the residents with entertainment. 61 00:06:54,167 --> 00:06:56,667 Kolehmainen in Room 9 shit his pants again. 62 00:06:56,792 --> 00:06:58,626 Again? - Again. 63 00:06:59,376 --> 00:07:02,417 Hurry up before I throw my panties at you. 64 00:07:09,376 --> 00:07:13,542 Better to shit yourself than to be forever constipated. - Right. 65 00:07:13,667 --> 00:07:16,042 It's his birthday today, - 66 00:07:16,167 --> 00:07:18,876 so please go get flowers when you have time. 67 00:07:23,542 --> 00:07:27,167 Thank you. - You're welcome. 68 00:07:27,917 --> 00:07:29,792 Hi, Turo. - Good morning. 69 00:07:31,042 --> 00:07:34,876 You came to buy flowers? - Yeah. 70 00:07:35,834 --> 00:07:37,834 Come on in. 71 00:07:41,167 --> 00:07:43,792 I need some kind of a bouquet. 72 00:07:44,084 --> 00:07:47,001 One of our residents has a birthday today. 73 00:07:47,167 --> 00:07:52,001 How about some roses and a gerbera? - Sounds good. 74 00:07:52,126 --> 00:07:56,292 How about a blue one like this? That would be unique. - Sure. 75 00:07:56,834 --> 00:07:58,459 Here we go. 76 00:07:59,584 --> 00:08:02,834 How's the band? - We're doing okay. 77 00:08:04,917 --> 00:08:09,167 Any gigs coming up? - We haven't got any yet. 78 00:08:09,709 --> 00:08:13,417 I remember you dreaming about being in a band already in school. 79 00:08:14,001 --> 00:08:17,334 And you always performed in school plays. 80 00:08:17,626 --> 00:08:23,626 I played a rock because I was so shy. - That's rock 'n' roll. 81 00:08:29,751 --> 00:08:31,501 Miia! 82 00:08:31,667 --> 00:08:35,084 Miia. You... - Oh, hi, Jouni. 83 00:08:35,501 --> 00:08:42,667 You look like an angel today. - Jouni Tulkku himself. 84 00:08:42,876 --> 00:08:45,417 What brings the entertainer to our shop? 85 00:08:45,542 --> 00:08:48,626 You know why I'm here. You wanna go for a drive? 86 00:08:48,792 --> 00:08:53,084 I'm going to Kuusamo; we could have dinner there. 87 00:08:53,251 --> 00:08:57,167 That would be nice, but I'm busy here. 88 00:08:58,126 --> 00:08:59,792 Here you are, Turo. - Thanks. 89 00:08:59,917 --> 00:09:04,251 Let me tie these. That'll be 20 euros. 90 00:09:04,417 --> 00:09:07,334 Oh, Turo. I didn't notice you. 91 00:09:07,459 --> 00:09:13,334 Miia captures my attention totally. - Right. 92 00:09:14,626 --> 00:09:17,834 Jouni, you remember Turo also has a band? 93 00:09:18,042 --> 00:09:19,751 Oh. Really? 94 00:09:20,167 --> 00:09:24,834 That's nice. I mean, it's nice to meet a fellow musician. 95 00:09:25,042 --> 00:09:28,542 If I can do anything to help you in the music business, - 96 00:09:29,001 --> 00:09:31,542 just ask. No questions asked. 97 00:09:33,209 --> 00:09:35,917 Really? - Anytime. 98 00:09:36,042 --> 00:09:39,417 I gotta go. See you later. 99 00:09:39,751 --> 00:09:42,917 Stay wonderful. - Right. 100 00:09:44,626 --> 00:09:46,417 Bye! 101 00:09:48,834 --> 00:09:51,417 I gotta go, too. - Okay. 102 00:09:56,167 --> 00:09:58,834 Come back soon! 103 00:10:06,542 --> 00:10:09,001 We have a heavy metal band. 104 00:10:13,334 --> 00:10:17,126 We've been looking for a condenser mic... - Listen. 105 00:10:17,251 --> 00:10:22,126 I don't give a pussy hair about your metalhead faggot band. 106 00:10:22,542 --> 00:10:26,626 You can stick the condenser mic up your ass for all I care. 107 00:10:28,917 --> 00:10:32,126 One more thing. 108 00:10:32,501 --> 00:10:35,334 In the future, go buy your greens somewhere else. 109 00:10:35,459 --> 00:10:38,209 I've been warming that chick up for a long time, - 110 00:10:38,334 --> 00:10:40,084 and you ain't gonna ruin it. 111 00:10:41,001 --> 00:10:44,042 Some might say I work too hard to get laid, but I say, - 112 00:10:44,167 --> 00:10:46,334 "The chase is better than the catch." 113 00:10:46,459 --> 00:10:49,584 You know? No, you don't know a fucking thing. 114 00:10:49,792 --> 00:10:54,667 Go get haircut. I'll go get laid. 115 00:10:54,792 --> 00:10:58,792 With my dick. A pussy. A woman's pussy. 116 00:11:15,459 --> 00:11:17,417 Homo! 117 00:11:40,876 --> 00:11:44,417 Moilanen, are you smuggling drugs? 118 00:11:44,542 --> 00:11:46,792 Jouni said you went to the flower shop - 119 00:11:46,917 --> 00:11:50,542 to woo my daughter. - I bought flowers for one of our residents. 120 00:11:50,667 --> 00:11:54,167 What? - I bought flowers for one of our residents. 121 00:11:55,001 --> 00:11:57,167 I didn't let her move to the city - 122 00:11:57,292 --> 00:11:59,626 because I didn't want her to end up - 123 00:11:59,751 --> 00:12:02,001 dating a glue sniffer like you. 124 00:12:02,126 --> 00:12:05,459 She needs a real man. I know the perfect son-in-law. 125 00:12:05,584 --> 00:12:07,792 Jouni Tulkku? - He's a good man. 126 00:12:08,626 --> 00:12:12,209 He's a player. - What? Say that again. 127 00:12:13,709 --> 00:12:16,834 I mean, I play. In a heavy metal band. 128 00:12:17,376 --> 00:12:19,001 You're a hippie. 129 00:12:19,126 --> 00:12:21,917 Make sure the flowers end up in a vase - 130 00:12:22,042 --> 00:12:24,417 and not in a pipe in one of your drug dens. 131 00:12:24,834 --> 00:12:27,751 Or I'll lock all of you up. 132 00:12:30,667 --> 00:12:34,376 Did you call Jouni a player? - No, I didn't. 133 00:12:44,459 --> 00:12:46,834 Now we're gonna write a song. 134 00:12:48,334 --> 00:12:50,042 Okay, let's do it. 135 00:12:51,417 --> 00:12:54,167 What the hell. That's what we'll do. 136 00:13:00,584 --> 00:13:03,834 How does the song start? 137 00:13:05,501 --> 00:13:08,084 Lotvonen, you have a riff'? 138 00:13:09,501 --> 00:13:12,542 I have a couple of ideas. 139 00:13:16,834 --> 00:13:19,667 "Walk" by Pantera. 1992. 140 00:13:23,001 --> 00:13:25,084 How about this? 141 00:13:28,292 --> 00:13:33,084 Children of Bodom: "Everytime I Die." 2000. Laiho. 142 00:13:40,292 --> 00:13:46,334 Mors Subita: "The Sermon." Finnish melodic death metal. 143 00:13:52,334 --> 00:13:57,751 "Crucified." Necrobutcher of Infernal Legions. 1989. 144 00:14:09,376 --> 00:14:14,334 Turo, why don't you write lyrics first? 145 00:14:16,001 --> 00:14:18,501 What should I write about? 146 00:14:19,084 --> 00:14:23,459 Heavy metal lyrics are usually based on mythology, - 147 00:14:23,584 --> 00:14:28,084 occultism, satanism, or crappy fantasy literature. 148 00:14:28,209 --> 00:14:33,334 You can also write about your personal misfortunes. 149 00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:38,126 Those I've got plenty of. - That's right. 150 00:14:39,126 --> 00:14:40,792 He's right. 151 00:15:04,251 --> 00:15:06,126 What the hell... 152 00:15:19,167 --> 00:15:21,584 What the hell. 153 00:15:29,167 --> 00:15:31,376 Darn! 154 00:15:49,709 --> 00:15:51,584 That's it. 155 00:15:53,042 --> 00:15:55,167 That's it. 156 00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:02,709 Jynkky, this is it. 157 00:16:07,751 --> 00:16:11,626 Are you stupid? This is our sound! 158 00:16:15,167 --> 00:16:17,542 This is a pure blast beat! 159 00:16:18,001 --> 00:16:21,459 The souls of hundreds of reindeers screaming in pain - 160 00:16:21,584 --> 00:16:24,209 on their way to reindeer hell. 161 00:16:26,292 --> 00:16:30,501 When we turn this into a song, grannies will go crazy. 162 00:16:33,167 --> 00:16:36,084 I was thinking it would go like this. 163 00:16:49,584 --> 00:16:51,584 I've never heard anything like it. 164 00:16:52,834 --> 00:16:57,667 It has a bit of Forced Vomit's "Vominatorium Excalibur," - 165 00:16:58,209 --> 00:17:00,334 but the sound is unique. 166 00:17:02,542 --> 00:17:06,126 I'll start with the riff. Then Jynkky and Pasi join in. 167 00:17:06,251 --> 00:17:09,751 Pasi, should we start on the same beat? - Sure. 168 00:17:11,001 --> 00:17:13,751 Then my solo. - No solo. 169 00:17:14,751 --> 00:17:17,251 Then we'll all headbang in sync. 170 00:17:17,376 --> 00:17:19,001 One, two, one, two... 171 00:17:19,126 --> 00:17:22,751 Okay, let's go. - Yeah. 172 00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:29,251 This is "Flooding Secretions," meaning "shit on your thighs." 173 00:19:08,376 --> 00:19:13,042 Goddammit! We've never played as brutally as we just did! 174 00:19:13,376 --> 00:19:15,751 And this was our song. 175 00:19:15,876 --> 00:19:19,001 There's a lot of message in your lyrics, Turo. 176 00:19:19,126 --> 00:19:21,417 Yeah, a lot of words. 177 00:19:21,542 --> 00:19:25,209 Look at this. Our first demo. 178 00:19:25,792 --> 00:19:27,876 Now we make tons of copies - 179 00:19:28,001 --> 00:19:32,792 and send them to record companies, agencies and studios. 180 00:19:33,501 --> 00:19:36,292 Turo, I'll write your number on it. - Mine? 181 00:19:36,667 --> 00:19:41,834 You're the front man, so you can take care of publicity. 182 00:19:46,667 --> 00:19:48,292 Come help me, son. 183 00:19:48,417 --> 00:19:52,209 Some guy pulled into the driveway. A foreigner. 184 00:19:57,584 --> 00:20:01,709 What if he's an EU inspector? I've taken a few liberties - 185 00:20:01,834 --> 00:20:05,584 interpreting the directives. - Let's go ask. 186 00:20:19,459 --> 00:20:22,917 Who is he? - I guess he's an EU inspector. 187 00:20:24,126 --> 00:20:25,917 Doesn't look like one. 188 00:20:33,917 --> 00:20:35,709 Does he have money? 189 00:20:37,667 --> 00:20:42,917 We sure as hell have blood. This ain't no flower shop. 190 00:21:02,792 --> 00:21:05,042 Tell him this is supersharp. 191 00:21:44,584 --> 00:21:46,209 Oh. 192 00:22:01,917 --> 00:22:04,667 Goddammit! Shit! 193 00:22:09,084 --> 00:22:11,001 Goddammit! 194 00:22:11,334 --> 00:22:13,584 I'm sure I'm gonna lose my permit now. 195 00:22:17,834 --> 00:22:20,834 Isn't that the logo of the metal festival in Norway? 196 00:22:21,001 --> 00:22:23,917 The biggest one in the Cap of the North. - Who was he? 197 00:22:24,042 --> 00:22:28,209 "Frank Massegrav, festival promoter." 198 00:22:29,126 --> 00:22:32,084 Jynkky! What are you doing? 199 00:22:45,209 --> 00:22:48,501 What the hell are you doing? 200 00:23:22,417 --> 00:23:26,001 What did you say to him? - I gave him our demo. 201 00:23:27,417 --> 00:23:31,167 Guys, we're gonna play at a festival! - What? 202 00:23:31,917 --> 00:23:33,876 Guys, you know what? 203 00:23:34,042 --> 00:23:37,751 I have a feeling this could be something. 204 00:23:42,834 --> 00:23:44,626 A gig in Norway. 205 00:24:03,751 --> 00:24:06,376 Oh hi, Turo. 206 00:24:07,667 --> 00:24:10,042 What's up? 207 00:24:10,292 --> 00:24:12,751 We might have a gig coming up. 208 00:24:14,417 --> 00:24:17,042 At a festival in Norway. - What? 209 00:24:17,167 --> 00:24:20,792 That's huge! - I don't know about it... 210 00:24:20,917 --> 00:24:23,251 Congratulations! 211 00:24:26,584 --> 00:24:31,001 Miia, dazzling as always. Turo, looking like you always do. 212 00:24:31,084 --> 00:24:34,292 Guess what? Turo and his band have a gig in Norway. 213 00:24:34,417 --> 00:24:36,834 It's not that big a deal. - It is. 214 00:24:37,001 --> 00:24:42,084 That's... great. Will you play for an audience? 215 00:24:42,251 --> 00:24:45,167 The gig is at a festival. 216 00:24:46,376 --> 00:24:49,917 I'm so happy for you. Fuck. 217 00:24:50,584 --> 00:24:52,251 Why don't we get going. 218 00:24:52,376 --> 00:24:55,084 Turo must be busy with the upcoming gig. 219 00:24:55,209 --> 00:24:57,126 Hop in. 220 00:24:57,292 --> 00:25:00,542 Turo, that was great news. 221 00:25:00,667 --> 00:25:03,001 Hop in. - Rock rock. 222 00:25:03,084 --> 00:25:04,917 Rock. - Awesome news! 223 00:25:05,042 --> 00:25:07,001 Awesome indeed. 224 00:25:34,209 --> 00:25:36,334 Turo, hi! 225 00:25:41,751 --> 00:25:44,042 You want a beer? 226 00:25:49,667 --> 00:25:52,751 A gig in Norway. No frigging way! That's cool. 227 00:25:53,042 --> 00:25:56,501 The farthest Jouni's band has been is Kiiminki. 228 00:26:03,542 --> 00:26:07,751 I have to say you rock. 229 00:26:10,084 --> 00:26:12,459 Hats off to you. 230 00:26:16,334 --> 00:26:18,376 Thanks. 231 00:26:27,251 --> 00:26:29,751 We got a new resident in the closed ward. 232 00:26:29,876 --> 00:26:32,626 A really dangerous one. Don't go into his room. 233 00:26:32,751 --> 00:26:35,126 Hand the linens over through the hatch. 234 00:26:35,417 --> 00:26:37,751 Got it? - Got it. 235 00:26:38,834 --> 00:26:40,584 Or do you want me to do it- 236 00:26:40,709 --> 00:26:44,459 now that you got the gig coming up? - I'll take care of it. 237 00:26:44,584 --> 00:26:46,209 Sure thing. 238 00:27:19,501 --> 00:27:22,001 Why so scared'? 239 00:27:23,876 --> 00:27:27,167 Huh? - I've never seen a... 240 00:27:28,334 --> 00:27:31,001 A Laplander? - Yeah. 241 00:27:42,001 --> 00:27:45,126 I've got linens. Clean ones. 242 00:27:45,792 --> 00:27:50,334 If I come in, will you take it easy? - Sure. 243 00:28:09,126 --> 00:28:11,501 I'm Turo. - Oula. 244 00:28:26,751 --> 00:28:30,126 Oula! Calm down, goddammit! 245 00:28:51,334 --> 00:28:54,084 What's that music? - Metal. 246 00:28:54,251 --> 00:28:56,001 What? - Metal. 247 00:28:56,084 --> 00:28:58,792 Metal? Well well. 248 00:28:59,626 --> 00:29:04,292 Remember not to shake hands with him or move abruptly. 249 00:29:05,001 --> 00:29:08,167 It triggers aggression in him. 250 00:29:08,376 --> 00:29:10,459 He was in reform school in Pello, - 251 00:29:10,584 --> 00:29:14,917 but they couldn't handle him there. - Yeah, he didn't sound local. 252 00:29:15,042 --> 00:29:16,667 Right. 253 00:29:20,626 --> 00:29:26,251 Imagine, the Northern Damnation Festival in Norway. 254 00:29:26,376 --> 00:29:28,917 We're on stage. There's a huge audience - 255 00:29:29,042 --> 00:29:31,834 holding their breath in anticipation. 256 00:29:32,001 --> 00:29:35,251 More and more people gather in front of the stage. 257 00:29:35,376 --> 00:29:38,167 They're there to see us. 258 00:29:38,917 --> 00:29:43,209 We walk onstage; the lights are bright. 259 00:29:43,376 --> 00:29:47,251 A thousand people stare at us intensely. 260 00:29:47,417 --> 00:29:50,334 Then it's all quiet; 261 00:29:50,459 --> 00:29:53,917 even the audience is nervous as hell. 262 00:29:55,251 --> 00:29:57,626 I give the beat with a click of the sticks. 263 00:29:57,751 --> 00:30:01,209 Lotvonen lets out one hell of an avalanche of riffs. 264 00:30:01,334 --> 00:30:03,292 Pasi beats the bass like mad. 265 00:30:03,417 --> 00:30:07,751 Then Turo lets out a metal growl. The audience is floored. 266 00:30:08,126 --> 00:30:11,042 This is one hell of a thing. 267 00:30:11,334 --> 00:30:16,126 I knew Frank would call you right away and offer us a gig. 268 00:30:16,834 --> 00:30:19,626 He must've liked our song. 269 00:30:19,834 --> 00:30:21,626 Jynkky... 270 00:30:27,542 --> 00:30:31,751 Yeah, he mentioned the main stage. - Main stage? 271 00:30:31,876 --> 00:30:39,001 What the hell. There's gonna be at least 3,000 people. 272 00:30:39,126 --> 00:30:41,126 Damn. - Or 10,000. 273 00:30:41,251 --> 00:30:44,084 He really liked our demo. 274 00:30:44,209 --> 00:30:48,001 You gotta like it. The whole village has gone crazy. 275 00:30:48,126 --> 00:30:50,459 I even got a discount at the hot dog stand. 276 00:30:50,584 --> 00:30:52,751 How are we gonna get to Norway? 277 00:30:53,001 --> 00:30:56,584 We need a bigger car. Jynkky's car is too small. 278 00:30:56,751 --> 00:31:00,751 And we need a name. A good one. - Yeah. 279 00:31:00,876 --> 00:31:02,834 And a logo. - Yeah. 280 00:31:03,584 --> 00:31:07,376 Jouni's gigging at the hotel. Wanna go have a laugh at him? 281 00:31:08,417 --> 00:31:10,584 Let's go! - Let's go. 282 00:31:11,459 --> 00:31:14,834 Guys, you need to help me get my car started. 283 00:31:16,584 --> 00:31:21,792 The name has to have two words. In English. Like Forced Vomit. 284 00:31:22,084 --> 00:31:24,001 Fetal Death? 285 00:31:24,834 --> 00:31:26,667 Fetal Death. 286 00:31:26,792 --> 00:31:29,251 Let's not get small kids involved in this. 287 00:31:29,376 --> 00:31:31,626 How about Blood Poisoning? 288 00:31:32,001 --> 00:31:36,084 Eternal Tears of Sorrow? - No way. 289 00:31:36,209 --> 00:31:38,626 How about Exorcised Vomit? 290 00:31:39,209 --> 00:31:42,251 Possessed Vomit. - That's pretty nasty. 291 00:31:44,542 --> 00:31:46,167 Vomit is good. 292 00:31:52,376 --> 00:31:56,251 I'm thirsty Your spring is a shower 293 00:31:56,376 --> 00:31:59,792 I'm thirsty The nectar of your flower 294 00:32:00,042 --> 00:32:05,126 My parched lips Awaiting the rain to start 295 00:32:10,626 --> 00:32:12,917 Look. 296 00:32:14,542 --> 00:32:16,792 The rock stars are here! 297 00:32:29,001 --> 00:32:34,209 Who will extinguish this fire in my heart 298 00:32:35,292 --> 00:32:37,251 I salute. 299 00:32:37,917 --> 00:32:42,834 We'll have a small break. We'll continue in a moment. 300 00:32:46,542 --> 00:32:51,709 May I have your attention. I'd like to say a couple of words. 301 00:32:52,626 --> 00:32:56,917 On behalf of our municipality and our residents, - 302 00:32:57,834 --> 00:33:00,917 I'd like to present this pennant to you. 303 00:33:04,084 --> 00:33:06,167 Here you are. 304 00:33:06,542 --> 00:33:12,501 I heard your band will play a gig - 305 00:33:12,709 --> 00:33:15,251 at a music event in Norway. ls it true? 306 00:33:17,417 --> 00:33:21,667 Yes. I was actually supposed to tell you... 307 00:33:25,876 --> 00:33:32,001 Our gig is going to be shown on Norwegian TV live. - Excellent. 308 00:33:32,126 --> 00:33:34,042 Good luck. 309 00:33:37,001 --> 00:33:39,042 I wish you all luck. 310 00:33:45,126 --> 00:33:48,792 Proud of you. Proud of you. 311 00:33:49,084 --> 00:33:51,001 Goddammit. 312 00:33:55,042 --> 00:33:59,667 Jynkky. Give me Frank's business card. - Sure. 313 00:34:00,209 --> 00:34:03,084 I need to discuss some practical things. - Right. 314 00:34:03,209 --> 00:34:06,667 Let him know our rider. - Yeah. 315 00:34:06,917 --> 00:34:10,834 We need to give him a list of the things we want backstage. 316 00:34:11,001 --> 00:34:15,584 Tomorrow we'll go buy a van from Tulkku. 317 00:34:15,876 --> 00:34:19,334 We need space for all of our stuff. - And we need band photos. 318 00:34:20,542 --> 00:34:22,417 Hi. - Hi. 319 00:34:22,542 --> 00:34:26,584 I kinda accidentally blurted out the news about your gig. 320 00:34:26,709 --> 00:34:30,001 It's so great I just had to tell everyone. 321 00:34:30,126 --> 00:34:32,209 That's okay. - Good. 322 00:34:32,459 --> 00:34:36,376 It's great you're going all the way to Norway to play a gig. 323 00:34:36,501 --> 00:34:41,542 Is it your first gig? - Yeah, we thought we'd start at the top. 324 00:34:41,792 --> 00:34:45,167 Although it wouldn't hurt to practice as an opening act. 325 00:34:45,459 --> 00:34:48,209 But it's a little hard to get one around here. 326 00:34:48,334 --> 00:34:50,334 Jouni. 327 00:34:51,542 --> 00:34:54,542 Miia. Should we finally check the backstage out? 328 00:34:54,667 --> 00:34:57,792 Why don't you take the boys as your opening act. 329 00:35:00,292 --> 00:35:05,001 Right. Well... I wonder how that would work out. 330 00:35:05,126 --> 00:35:07,542 Give the boys a chance. 331 00:35:08,917 --> 00:35:13,376 Well, it would be a nice change to have a comedy act here. 332 00:35:14,501 --> 00:35:17,792 So what do you say, Moilanen? You wanna open - 333 00:35:17,917 --> 00:35:20,417 for the Star Mustaches next Saturday? 334 00:35:20,792 --> 00:35:23,126 Say yes! 335 00:35:24,001 --> 00:35:27,334 Sure. - Yes! 336 00:35:27,542 --> 00:35:31,459 That's awesome! Thanks, Jouni, that's so nice of you! 337 00:35:31,584 --> 00:35:35,084 My pleasure. - Yes! 338 00:35:39,209 --> 00:35:42,209 What kind of music do you retards even play? 339 00:35:42,501 --> 00:35:45,542 Symphonic post-apocalyptic reindeer-grinding - 340 00:35:45,667 --> 00:35:49,084 Christ-abusing extreme war pagan Fennoscandian metal. 341 00:35:51,126 --> 00:35:53,417 No wonder you're not getting any pussy. 342 00:35:53,542 --> 00:35:57,584 And who stuck a pole up his ass? One of you? 343 00:35:58,251 --> 00:36:00,251 Frigging ghost. 344 00:36:04,334 --> 00:36:07,167 Impaled Ass... 345 00:36:15,751 --> 00:36:18,334 We want the best van we can get for this money. 346 00:36:19,251 --> 00:36:24,001 That's 260. - Yeah. What can we get with it? 347 00:36:24,084 --> 00:36:28,751 A snow tire and gonorrhea. Barely. 348 00:36:31,126 --> 00:36:35,209 Okay, I'll trade my Peugeot 205 for the van. 349 00:36:35,334 --> 00:36:37,167 XL? - Yeah. 350 00:36:38,876 --> 00:36:44,292 285 euros. I might have a van for you. 351 00:36:52,751 --> 00:36:56,209 This is it. It has a beautiful patina. 352 00:36:56,626 --> 00:36:59,209 It's seen a lot of life. Or actually death. 353 00:36:59,376 --> 00:37:02,584 This van has killed three large animals and one person. 354 00:37:02,709 --> 00:37:05,667 A dwarf. Chinese, I think. 355 00:37:06,001 --> 00:37:10,001 Then it was buried in a swamp. 356 00:37:10,167 --> 00:37:14,209 It was used in a bank robbery in Sweden. 357 00:37:14,501 --> 00:37:16,876 And a circus professional, a clown, - 358 00:37:17,001 --> 00:37:19,584 killed himself in the passenger seat. 359 00:37:23,501 --> 00:37:25,501 It's the van of death. 360 00:37:26,251 --> 00:37:28,084 The death van. 361 00:37:29,459 --> 00:37:32,417 Yes. We'll take it. 362 00:37:35,709 --> 00:37:37,667 Okay. 363 00:37:42,417 --> 00:37:45,501 Jynkky, why don't you lend me your old drums. 364 00:37:45,626 --> 00:37:48,084 We'll take them to the care home. - Why? 365 00:37:48,209 --> 00:37:49,834 For music therapy. 366 00:37:50,001 --> 00:37:54,667 Fuck! It clicked again. That damn speed camera haunts me! 367 00:37:54,792 --> 00:37:56,667 We could've taken another road. 368 00:37:56,792 --> 00:37:59,126 I've been taking this road - 369 00:37:59,251 --> 00:38:01,542 since before I got my driver's license. 370 00:38:01,667 --> 00:38:04,334 I ain't taking back roads because of that cam. 371 00:38:04,459 --> 00:38:06,251 That cost me 100 euros. 372 00:38:12,584 --> 00:38:17,126 Sweet Jesus on a stick! I never would've believed it. 373 00:38:18,001 --> 00:38:21,251 Take new linens to him. And then there's Kolehmainen... 374 00:38:23,001 --> 00:38:26,876 I heard you have a gig at the hotel. - Yeah. 375 00:38:27,084 --> 00:38:30,876 A bunch of the staff will be there. 376 00:39:03,001 --> 00:39:04,917 This is a great song! 377 00:39:07,667 --> 00:39:09,626 What is it? 378 00:39:09,834 --> 00:39:13,292 My buddies and I have a band. - Are you famous? 379 00:39:14,001 --> 00:39:16,001 I don't know about that. 380 00:39:16,626 --> 00:39:20,876 We probably have a couple of gigs coming up, though. - Listen. 381 00:39:22,251 --> 00:39:24,834 I'm sorry about last time. 382 00:39:25,917 --> 00:39:29,292 I sometimes lose it. You see, I'm crazy. 383 00:39:32,459 --> 00:39:35,001 Just kidding! 384 00:39:36,209 --> 00:39:38,084 Don't you have a sense of humor? 385 00:39:38,209 --> 00:39:41,001 I haven't seen much humor in anything lately. 386 00:39:41,126 --> 00:39:42,876 Why are you so serious? 387 00:39:44,667 --> 00:39:47,376 This one thing got out of hand. 388 00:39:52,459 --> 00:39:56,292 Everybody's expecting a lot of me. 389 00:39:58,584 --> 00:40:01,334 What if I screw up and ruin everything? 390 00:40:01,459 --> 00:40:04,751 Boy, the only way to get rid of your fears is facing them. 391 00:40:04,876 --> 00:40:06,709 You see, - 392 00:40:06,876 --> 00:40:13,251 there's a tribe in Africa that steals food from lions. 393 00:40:13,542 --> 00:40:15,501 They're fearless young men. 394 00:40:15,626 --> 00:40:20,292 They just walk up to the lions as if they owned the forest. 395 00:40:20,459 --> 00:40:25,209 The lions are stunned when someone isn't scared of them. 396 00:40:25,334 --> 00:40:29,876 The warriors just snatch their kill right in front of them. 397 00:40:33,376 --> 00:40:36,709 Are you from there? - Nearby. 398 00:40:37,001 --> 00:40:39,501 I'm from Karigasniemi, Finnish Lapland! 399 00:40:40,751 --> 00:40:45,001 I saw it on TV. In a nature documentary. 400 00:40:46,751 --> 00:40:49,209 We don't have that many lions around here. 401 00:40:49,417 --> 00:40:52,667 You don't really get metaphors, do you? 402 00:40:54,001 --> 00:40:58,417 We all have our lions to face. 403 00:41:05,501 --> 00:41:08,667 What are we doing here? - I'm hungry. 404 00:41:40,459 --> 00:41:42,459 Pasi. 405 00:41:43,042 --> 00:41:46,292 That's one hell of a costume. 406 00:41:52,001 --> 00:41:54,292 There's no more Pasi. 407 00:41:54,542 --> 00:41:57,167 There's only Xytrax. - Xytero? 408 00:41:57,292 --> 00:41:59,709 Xytrax. - Xytero? 409 00:41:59,876 --> 00:42:04,834 It's a pseudonym. All the legends have pseudonyms. 410 00:42:05,126 --> 00:42:09,167 Trollhorn, King Diamond, Nuclear Holocausto. 411 00:42:09,584 --> 00:42:11,834 And now Xytrax. 412 00:42:15,917 --> 00:42:18,584 Here's our logo. 413 00:42:21,126 --> 00:42:23,542 Iskender Kebab. That's cool. 414 00:42:23,667 --> 00:42:27,292 I love iskender kebab. - No, Impaled Rektum. 415 00:42:27,709 --> 00:42:31,292 That's our name. Impaled ass. - That's even better. 416 00:42:31,417 --> 00:42:35,251 Impaled Rektum. That's brutal. 417 00:42:36,709 --> 00:42:39,334 And now we'll take a promo shot. 418 00:42:41,417 --> 00:42:43,626 More. 419 00:42:44,251 --> 00:42:46,001 That's too much. 420 00:42:46,292 --> 00:42:49,001 Turn it towards the swamp. No... 421 00:42:49,167 --> 00:42:51,251 Which swamp? - It was good. 422 00:42:51,459 --> 00:42:54,042 Clockwise. - Your clockwise or mine? 423 00:43:10,376 --> 00:43:12,167 That's it. 424 00:43:14,251 --> 00:43:17,751 How can we get the photo? 425 00:43:19,709 --> 00:43:22,917 From the police station. - Yeah. 426 00:43:25,376 --> 00:43:28,084 It took a photo. Let's get going. 427 00:43:28,334 --> 00:43:31,042 Jynkky, I need a ride. I need to do one thing. 428 00:43:44,542 --> 00:43:47,709 I've never been here before. 429 00:43:50,209 --> 00:43:54,917 Wait here; I won't be long. 430 00:43:58,626 --> 00:44:02,084 No. I'm coming with you. 431 00:44:02,209 --> 00:44:05,042 I'm not going to wait here by myself. 432 00:44:05,501 --> 00:44:07,501 RANUA ZOO 433 00:44:08,459 --> 00:44:11,167 What an amazing place. 434 00:44:15,792 --> 00:44:18,251 Bears are such big animals. 435 00:44:18,667 --> 00:44:21,334 You can't tell from TV or in photos. 436 00:44:21,501 --> 00:44:25,584 But here you can see that they're damn big. 437 00:44:33,834 --> 00:44:38,709 Wolves kill for fun, you know? 438 00:44:39,001 --> 00:44:42,001 They practice killing with reindeers. 439 00:44:42,334 --> 00:44:48,001 There must be a whole pack of them in the back. 440 00:44:58,376 --> 00:45:00,001 How cute! 441 00:45:04,917 --> 00:45:09,626 Turo, what the hell? - We all have our lions to face. 442 00:45:09,751 --> 00:45:14,167 That's a wolverine. - It's a metaphor. 443 00:45:14,292 --> 00:45:16,751 Don't. What the hell...Turo! 444 00:46:36,501 --> 00:46:39,834 We have liver casserole at home. You could've eaten that. 445 00:46:48,501 --> 00:46:51,834 What in the world happened to you? - Nothing really. 446 00:46:52,001 --> 00:46:55,792 I've just been wrestling with a couple of things. - Okay. 447 00:46:56,292 --> 00:46:59,209 Are you coming to see our gig tomorrow? - Of course. 448 00:46:59,334 --> 00:47:01,126 Good. 449 00:47:05,792 --> 00:47:08,542 You need anything else? 450 00:47:10,167 --> 00:47:11,834 That's it. 451 00:47:23,334 --> 00:47:25,042 I was thinking... 452 00:47:25,792 --> 00:47:28,042 Would you like to have coffee with me? 453 00:47:29,626 --> 00:47:32,834 Sure, I love coffee. With buns. 454 00:47:33,751 --> 00:47:36,084 Yeah, with buns. 455 00:47:36,667 --> 00:47:38,376 It's a deal. 456 00:47:53,917 --> 00:47:58,251 What did I tell you? Leave my daughter alone! 457 00:47:58,459 --> 00:48:01,709 Throw that baton back! You hear me'? 458 00:48:01,834 --> 00:48:04,251 REINDEER AND COUGAR 459 00:48:19,417 --> 00:48:21,792 The place is packed! 460 00:48:22,626 --> 00:48:25,209 What's that? - Pyrotechnics. 461 00:48:25,751 --> 00:48:27,376 Good idea. 462 00:48:27,501 --> 00:48:29,459 I gotta go to the bathroom. 463 00:48:32,084 --> 00:48:34,001 Fuck! 464 00:48:51,792 --> 00:48:53,542 Turo Moilanen. 465 00:49:29,834 --> 00:49:32,376 Turo, let's go! 466 00:49:47,626 --> 00:49:51,792 Thank you. Welcome, ladies and gentlemen. 467 00:49:51,917 --> 00:49:55,709 I'm a generous guy, so I'm giving a group of local boys a shot. 468 00:49:55,834 --> 00:49:59,667 Some wild rock 'n' roll to kick off the night... 469 00:49:59,792 --> 00:50:03,667 What was the name of your band? - Impaled Rektum. 470 00:50:05,126 --> 00:50:11,251 Please welcome: lmpure Recluse! 471 00:50:24,167 --> 00:50:26,709 Oops. Sorry. 472 00:50:56,792 --> 00:50:58,792 Turo! 473 00:51:17,001 --> 00:51:19,876 Oh dear. Oh dear. 474 00:51:24,626 --> 00:51:28,376 No one gets it right every time. 475 00:51:28,501 --> 00:51:33,292 That was great. Your gig in Norway will be a success. 476 00:51:33,459 --> 00:51:35,209 There will be no gig in Norway. 477 00:51:35,334 --> 00:51:38,126 Turo Moilanen would like to say something. 478 00:51:38,584 --> 00:51:41,042 There will be no gig in Norway! 479 00:51:41,167 --> 00:51:43,542 What? - There never was. 480 00:51:43,667 --> 00:51:46,126 What the fuck, Turo? - Homo! 481 00:51:46,251 --> 00:51:47,917 No frigging Way... 482 00:51:48,876 --> 00:51:50,709 Everything's fine... 483 00:52:08,084 --> 00:52:10,584 What the hell have you done. 484 00:52:11,167 --> 00:52:13,834 Yes... - Shut up! 485 00:52:16,542 --> 00:52:20,126 You're lucky if the mayor doesn't press charges against you - 486 00:52:20,251 --> 00:52:24,501 for property damage or lying through your teeth. 487 00:52:25,501 --> 00:52:33,167 And your so-called car. I'm confiscating it. 488 00:52:33,292 --> 00:52:35,751 It hasn't been inspected in two years. 489 00:52:36,042 --> 00:52:40,167 We bought it from Jouni. - Don't drag him into this! 490 00:52:40,542 --> 00:52:43,376 He said he told you it hasn't been inspected. 491 00:52:43,501 --> 00:52:47,334 He didn't. - Shut up! 492 00:52:47,501 --> 00:52:50,167 Give me the keys. 493 00:52:56,459 --> 00:53:00,001 You damn raccoon. What is it? 494 00:53:01,042 --> 00:53:06,417 We recently took a promo shot- 495 00:53:07,126 --> 00:53:08,917 with the speed cam... 496 00:53:09,042 --> 00:53:12,084 Could we get the photo as soon as possible? - What? 497 00:53:12,376 --> 00:53:15,626 It's a promo shot for the band. 498 00:53:15,751 --> 00:53:20,417 That's what you did? - Yeah, we did. 499 00:53:20,542 --> 00:53:23,251 No, you can't have it! 500 00:53:23,501 --> 00:53:26,709 The photo is government property. 501 00:53:28,459 --> 00:53:31,292 Make sure you don't leave town. 502 00:53:31,876 --> 00:53:33,542 Miia! 503 00:53:34,876 --> 00:53:36,751 Let's go. 504 00:53:43,042 --> 00:53:45,459 Impaled Rektum. 505 00:53:45,792 --> 00:53:48,917 First gig and a huge scandal and a lot hate. 506 00:53:49,626 --> 00:53:52,084 Very good. 507 00:53:52,417 --> 00:53:54,917 I should've known this was going to happen - 508 00:53:55,042 --> 00:53:58,667 when glue-sniffing criminals are allowed to mingle - 509 00:53:58,792 --> 00:54:00,542 with good citizens. 510 00:54:00,667 --> 00:54:02,792 Dude, you lied. 511 00:54:04,084 --> 00:54:06,292 It got out of hand. - Shut up! 512 00:54:06,584 --> 00:54:09,001 I'm darn mad. 513 00:54:13,417 --> 00:54:15,376 This isn't working. 514 00:54:18,042 --> 00:54:19,792 I quit. 515 00:54:21,584 --> 00:54:24,501 Turo. You're not going to quit, are you? 516 00:54:26,709 --> 00:54:29,709 Everything has sucked the whole time. 517 00:54:30,876 --> 00:54:33,542 We should've stayed in Lotvonen's basement. 518 00:54:33,667 --> 00:54:37,001 Turo. That's not what bands do. 519 00:54:37,542 --> 00:54:40,542 Bands play for people. Other people. 520 00:54:40,667 --> 00:54:45,376 Well, what did you think of our gig? - It was damn impressive! 521 00:54:45,501 --> 00:54:49,126 Not very many bands have first gigs like that. 522 00:54:49,376 --> 00:54:51,376 Besides, we have a gig in Norway. 523 00:54:51,501 --> 00:54:54,626 There's no gig in Norway. There never was. 524 00:54:54,751 --> 00:55:00,542 I don't care if we play in the parking lot. 525 00:55:00,667 --> 00:55:03,376 We made it this far. I don't want to give up. 526 00:55:03,501 --> 00:55:07,001 I'm going to Norway even if I'm dead! 527 00:55:07,876 --> 00:55:11,417 We don't even have a car. - I'll get the van back. 528 00:55:11,542 --> 00:55:14,251 And then we'll go. I'll call you. 529 00:55:21,334 --> 00:55:23,584 Hi. - Hi. 530 00:55:26,501 --> 00:55:29,376 Have you seen Turo? - No. 531 00:55:29,501 --> 00:55:34,251 Okay. Where's Jouni? 532 00:55:39,876 --> 00:55:43,501 I've been going through rough times. 533 00:55:43,917 --> 00:55:47,501 My grandmother is terminally ill, among other things. 534 00:55:47,626 --> 00:55:50,001 Don't pull on my suit. I use it onstage. 535 00:55:50,126 --> 00:55:52,667 Hi. - Yeah. 536 00:55:52,834 --> 00:55:54,584 This doesn't concern you. 537 00:55:57,292 --> 00:55:59,376 Want to have a threesome? 538 00:55:59,501 --> 00:56:01,417 Why don't you go to hell. 539 00:56:05,626 --> 00:56:09,209 I don't know her. Continue. 540 00:56:29,042 --> 00:56:32,001 POLICE 541 00:57:09,126 --> 00:57:11,001 Shit. 542 00:57:56,417 --> 00:57:59,251 We'll be home soon. 543 00:58:39,542 --> 00:58:41,167 Shitty cam! 544 00:59:05,667 --> 00:59:08,917 We have gathered here to see Jyrki Kalevi Pätsi off - 545 00:59:09,042 --> 00:59:10,834 on his final journey. 546 00:59:11,001 --> 00:59:16,292 Jyrki managed to experience many things during his short life. 547 00:59:17,042 --> 00:59:22,001 His wick of life burned with a big flame. 548 00:59:22,834 --> 00:59:28,667 The water of life flowed in his heart, clear like a crystal. 549 00:59:29,292 --> 00:59:31,626 Does anyone have anything to say - 550 00:59:31,751 --> 00:59:35,917 before we commit his body to the ground? 551 00:59:42,709 --> 00:59:45,042 To my best friend. 552 00:59:51,001 --> 00:59:55,876 The Jynkky Special. Without pickles. 553 00:59:56,251 --> 00:59:58,917 Because you were special too. 554 01:00:04,667 --> 01:00:09,292 "In the misty morning, on the edge of time." 555 01:00:10,792 --> 01:00:13,459 "We've lost the rising sun." 556 01:00:14,626 --> 01:00:18,209 "We sailed across the air before we learned to fly.“ 557 01:00:19,917 --> 01:00:22,501 "We thought that it could never end." 558 01:00:24,167 --> 01:00:28,084 "We're lost children of the sea." 559 01:00:29,542 --> 01:00:34,042 Ronnie James, Dio. 1980. 560 01:00:39,001 --> 01:00:41,501 I have to go to work. 561 01:00:41,626 --> 01:00:45,167 My dad thinks I should take over the slaughterhouse - 562 01:00:45,292 --> 01:00:48,084 while he still has most of his arms and legs left. 563 01:00:48,709 --> 01:00:51,792 I also have a lot of work. 564 01:01:02,667 --> 01:01:06,917 I haven't changed my plans. 565 01:01:21,417 --> 01:01:24,459 Hi. - Hi. 566 01:01:25,042 --> 01:01:27,626 Come on in. 567 01:01:28,834 --> 01:01:30,876 It's a bit messy here. 568 01:01:33,126 --> 01:01:34,792 Are you moving? 569 01:01:35,167 --> 01:01:37,501 No. I'm just packing old junk away. 570 01:01:38,126 --> 01:01:42,209 Blood motor. 571 01:01:47,667 --> 01:01:51,001 It's a bit childish to have posters on the walls at my age. 572 01:01:52,042 --> 01:01:55,126 How's the band? - Well... 573 01:01:56,584 --> 01:01:58,209 I don't know. 574 01:01:59,501 --> 01:02:01,709 I got pissed. - What? 575 01:02:02,334 --> 01:02:04,876 I thought I'd be good. 576 01:02:05,709 --> 01:02:08,042 I should've known I'd screw it up - 577 01:02:08,417 --> 01:02:11,084 if I tried to sing in front of people. 578 01:02:12,917 --> 01:02:15,209 I'm glad we quit. 579 01:02:15,459 --> 01:02:19,709 Goddammit! No way in hell! Are you gonna give up too? 580 01:02:19,834 --> 01:02:25,042 Well... I have to move on. 581 01:02:25,501 --> 01:02:28,501 I have to think about others. - You can't be serious. 582 01:02:28,667 --> 01:02:31,376 You're the reason I've been thinking - 583 01:02:31,501 --> 01:02:34,501 about going to school in Oulu. 584 01:02:34,626 --> 01:02:37,417 And now you're giving up! 585 01:02:37,751 --> 01:02:40,751 There's nothing selfish about being yourself! 586 01:02:41,876 --> 01:02:47,042 Greetings from the police station. You can burn it if you want. 587 01:03:19,084 --> 01:03:21,126 Jynkky, dammit. 588 01:03:29,501 --> 01:03:32,167 What the hell. Let's go. 589 01:03:35,292 --> 01:03:40,084 Hey, Moilanen? Are you gay because you're so pretty? 590 01:03:40,209 --> 01:03:42,167 Yeah. 591 01:03:49,917 --> 01:03:53,417 Gays are real men. Manly men. 592 01:03:54,667 --> 01:03:57,834 Are your keys in the car? - Yeah. 593 01:03:58,001 --> 01:03:59,834 Good. 594 01:04:04,001 --> 01:04:07,001 Hey! 595 01:04:07,876 --> 01:04:11,292 This sounded horrible. As if someone was killing a pig. 596 01:04:12,292 --> 01:04:14,584 They didn't kill a pig. 597 01:04:16,084 --> 01:04:18,209 It was a goat. 598 01:04:42,709 --> 01:04:45,626 They recorded this song with a microphone - 599 01:04:45,751 --> 01:04:49,792 that was in a dead sheep's carcass. 600 01:04:59,417 --> 01:05:01,042 All right. 601 01:05:22,542 --> 01:05:24,167 What the hell... 602 01:05:36,917 --> 01:05:38,542 Goddammit! 603 01:05:44,417 --> 01:05:46,376 Oula, calm down. 604 01:05:49,792 --> 01:05:51,542 Pasi. - It's Xytrax. 605 01:05:51,667 --> 01:05:55,001 Put our demo on. 606 01:06:22,084 --> 01:06:25,126 Where are you taking me? - To Norway. 607 01:06:25,251 --> 01:06:27,501 What the hell am I going to do in Norway? 608 01:06:27,626 --> 01:06:31,251 You'll play symphonic postapocalyptic reindeer-grinding - 609 01:06:31,376 --> 01:06:34,709 Christ-abusing extreme war pagan Fennoscandian metal. 610 01:06:48,626 --> 01:06:53,001 Border Guard. - This is Police Chief Kujanpää from Taivalkoski. 611 01:06:53,126 --> 01:06:56,917 You speak Finnish? - Yes, a little. 612 01:06:57,042 --> 01:07:00,834 A gang of Devil worshippers are on their way to the border. 613 01:07:01,001 --> 01:07:03,626 They're driving a van. 614 01:07:03,876 --> 01:07:06,459 They dug up a grave. Close the border. 615 01:07:06,584 --> 01:07:11,001 We'll only close the border if it's something serious, - 616 01:07:11,209 --> 01:07:13,251 such as a terrorist threat. 617 01:07:13,376 --> 01:07:15,292 They are terrorists! 618 01:07:15,417 --> 01:07:19,417 I'm sure they're all funta... funda... 619 01:07:19,542 --> 01:07:21,751 Fundamentalists? - Yes. 620 01:07:21,876 --> 01:07:26,334 I'll pass your message onto my superiors. - OK. 621 01:07:40,001 --> 01:07:41,917 Colonel Dokken. 622 01:07:43,126 --> 01:07:47,042 Sorry for disturbing you, but I got an emergency call from Finland. 623 01:07:47,167 --> 01:07:51,459 A group of Finnish terrorists are going to cross the border. 624 01:07:51,709 --> 01:07:53,626 We were asked to stop them. 625 01:07:55,542 --> 01:07:57,751 I knew this day would come. 626 01:07:59,792 --> 01:08:03,167 Call the Delta Troops. - Delta Troops? 627 01:08:03,292 --> 01:08:05,917 You mean those voluntary military troops? 628 01:08:06,042 --> 01:08:08,209 The safety of the country is at stake! 629 01:08:08,334 --> 01:08:10,001 We need all the troops. 630 01:08:10,084 --> 01:08:15,584 We're the last line of defense! And we won't back down. 631 01:08:17,417 --> 01:08:21,417 Angelo... You'll be smokin' hot soon. 632 01:08:33,792 --> 01:08:39,042 You're here because you're the best of the best. 633 01:08:43,251 --> 01:08:47,334 You're here because your country needs you. 634 01:08:47,667 --> 01:08:50,001 Because you're fearless. 635 01:08:50,126 --> 01:08:52,126 Because - 636 01:08:53,334 --> 01:08:55,084 you live nearby. 637 01:08:55,459 --> 01:08:57,709 Using force is recommended. 638 01:08:57,834 --> 01:09:01,626 Let's give these terrorists a welcome they'll never forget! 639 01:09:04,084 --> 01:09:07,001 Oh my God, here we go again. 640 01:09:15,376 --> 01:09:18,751 Judah, sulking is forbidden at a bachelor party. 641 01:09:19,376 --> 01:09:21,417 Hey, I can drive us back. 642 01:09:21,542 --> 01:09:25,167 Jesus and the disciples is the best idea ever - 643 01:09:25,292 --> 01:09:27,001 for a bachelor party. 644 01:09:27,667 --> 01:09:31,334 Look what I got! 645 01:09:32,001 --> 01:09:36,792 This keeps getting better! 646 01:09:39,917 --> 01:09:43,459 Judah, turn the music down. 647 01:10:12,876 --> 01:10:15,667 You missed one hit. 648 01:10:27,084 --> 01:10:31,834 I assume you understand the importance of gun safety. 649 01:10:32,001 --> 01:10:35,751 Don't point it at me. Oh God. 650 01:10:38,334 --> 01:10:40,751 Take your finger off the trigger! 651 01:10:42,542 --> 01:10:44,167 Grenade! 652 01:11:01,167 --> 01:11:03,542 What the hell? 653 01:11:07,126 --> 01:11:08,917 What the hell? 654 01:11:16,209 --> 01:11:19,459 Colonel, with all due respect, this makes no sense. 655 01:11:19,584 --> 01:11:23,584 We need to ask headquarters for backup. - A car! 656 01:11:33,584 --> 01:11:35,459 Angelo! 657 01:11:36,167 --> 01:11:38,792 You can't shoot them! - Just a warning shot. 658 01:11:54,459 --> 01:11:57,876 Sergeant, arrest those men. 659 01:12:27,876 --> 01:12:30,126 We better drive nice and slow. 660 01:12:59,209 --> 01:13:03,084 I'm glad border control is on the job. 661 01:13:05,917 --> 01:13:07,876 Say "cheese"! 662 01:13:29,917 --> 01:13:33,584 You stopped the wrong car! 663 01:13:35,584 --> 01:13:37,792 We stopped the wrong car. 664 01:13:44,709 --> 01:13:47,084 Guys, we're in Norway! 665 01:13:47,417 --> 01:13:52,376 Go, Sweden! 666 01:14:34,084 --> 01:14:36,334 We're not gonna get stuck here, are we? 667 01:14:43,084 --> 01:14:44,834 Brake! - I am braking. 668 01:14:45,001 --> 01:14:46,876 Brake better! 669 01:14:48,667 --> 01:14:51,792 No! 670 01:14:52,626 --> 01:14:55,876 Shit! - No! 671 01:15:15,376 --> 01:15:17,209 The megaphone! - What the hell? 672 01:15:17,334 --> 01:15:19,042 You'll stay in the car. 673 01:15:25,126 --> 01:15:26,876 MY Van! 674 01:15:28,917 --> 01:15:30,584 Hey! 675 01:15:34,792 --> 01:15:36,792 Dad! 676 01:15:58,501 --> 01:16:01,126 What the hell are they talking about? 677 01:16:02,542 --> 01:16:04,292 Hey. 678 01:16:04,834 --> 01:16:06,709 It can't end like this. 679 01:16:06,834 --> 01:16:10,751 Listen, mop-tops! It's the end of the road now. 680 01:16:11,584 --> 01:16:13,834 You'll be locked away for a long time. 681 01:16:14,001 --> 01:16:16,584 The longer you wait, the longer the sentence. 682 01:16:20,126 --> 01:16:21,834 Guys. 683 01:16:23,417 --> 01:16:25,376 Listen. 684 01:16:36,584 --> 01:16:40,001 What are we gonna do? Are we gonna give up? 685 01:16:43,334 --> 01:16:45,626 Darn it! 686 01:16:59,876 --> 01:17:03,001 I say we follow Jynkky. 687 01:17:25,126 --> 01:17:27,667 And I'm the one they keep in a closed ward. 688 01:18:20,501 --> 01:18:24,709 We died and went to hell. 689 01:18:25,167 --> 01:18:29,167 I'd say this is either Asgard or Valhalla. 690 01:18:57,917 --> 01:19:00,334 Wasn't this supposed to be a fantasy game? 691 01:19:00,792 --> 01:19:03,376 These guys look like Finnish metalheads. 692 01:19:03,501 --> 01:19:07,042 This is a Middle Age SCA, not fantasy larping. 693 01:19:07,417 --> 01:19:10,876 Do you always have to play a fairy? - Yes. 694 01:19:12,501 --> 01:19:16,876 Damn Legolas. - Hey! Take us down! 695 01:19:17,584 --> 01:19:20,751 Next time it's your turn to be crucified! 696 01:19:44,001 --> 01:19:45,917 Land ho! 697 01:19:46,209 --> 01:19:48,167 Northern Damnation! 698 01:20:58,876 --> 01:21:03,209 Right, boys? - Damn. 699 01:21:17,751 --> 01:21:20,417 Hey, where do you think you're going? 700 01:21:20,626 --> 01:21:24,001 There are all kinds of bums ready to cause trouble for you. 701 01:21:24,792 --> 01:21:27,667 Dad, you can't protect me for the rest of my life. 702 01:21:29,376 --> 01:21:33,251 I'm going to the festival. Try to behave. 703 01:21:33,584 --> 01:21:36,042 You understand? 704 01:21:53,001 --> 01:21:54,876 What are you doing? 705 01:21:56,084 --> 01:21:58,709 This won't feel like mine if I don't do this. 706 01:22:05,751 --> 01:22:07,709 I gotta go to the bathroom. 707 01:22:15,209 --> 01:22:18,584 It'll go well. - Miia. 708 01:22:20,459 --> 01:22:22,834 What the hell are you doing here? 709 01:22:23,001 --> 01:22:25,084 I've seen enough of back home. 710 01:22:25,251 --> 01:22:27,334 And I wanted to see your gig. 711 01:22:28,376 --> 01:22:30,834 I'm your number one fan, after all. 712 01:22:32,626 --> 01:22:34,542 Show them what you got. 713 01:22:48,251 --> 01:22:51,042 I've been wanting to tell you something. 714 01:23:00,917 --> 01:23:02,709 Rock rock! 715 01:23:13,876 --> 01:23:15,709 Fuck! 716 01:23:18,126 --> 01:23:19,751 Yes! 717 01:23:48,917 --> 01:23:51,209 He got it wrong. 718 01:23:58,584 --> 01:24:02,751 Jynkky, we're playing Northern Damnation! 719 01:26:22,584 --> 01:26:24,584 Shields! 720 01:26:49,834 --> 01:26:53,084 Let the boys play some more. 721 01:26:53,334 --> 01:26:55,917 The vocalist might be my future son-in-law. 722 01:26:58,209 --> 01:27:01,001 What? - Son-in-law. 723 01:27:40,376 --> 01:27:44,251 Sometimes it's better to just do things and think afterwards. 724 01:27:44,376 --> 01:27:47,751 Dare to screw up. Or like our resident Kolehmainen said, - 725 01:27:47,917 --> 01:27:51,376 "Better to shit yourself than to be forever constipated." 726 01:27:51,501 --> 01:27:54,834 We'll do some time. But that just adds to our street cred. 727 01:27:55,001 --> 01:27:58,709 Pasi's pleased. I don't know about Lotvonen. 728 01:27:59,001 --> 01:28:01,459 I think he'll miss his reindeers. 729 01:28:01,876 --> 01:28:04,126 Oula doesn't seem to mind. 730 01:28:04,334 --> 01:28:07,542 At least he got a break from being locked up. 731 01:28:10,334 --> 01:28:14,876 But one thing all of us boys can agree on. 732 01:28:15,376 --> 01:28:17,876 You'll hear from Rektum again. 733 01:29:42,709 --> 01:29:45,751 Translated by Aretta Vähälä Proofread by Rich Lyons