And I was like, "I don't wanna have sex with you though.
-We're gonna need to wait." because I need to make sure -yeah.
That this is, like, real.
And we ain't just lusting for each other."
-yeah. -Because I was like,
maybe it's like we need to make sure
-we really like each other. -Mmm-hmm.
Or that what I'm feeling is a real feeling.
And so we did.
-We just started dating... -And I'm like, "yeah."
...And talking every day,
-and spending time together. -That didn't really make
a whole lot of sense to me either because I'm like,
"you ain't got to... Like, what you...
What are we waiting for?"
he was like love jones,
"you ain't got to hold mine. You ain't...
I'll take mine now." I'm like,
"uh-uh, we can't do... We can't do it."
I wanna make sure it's real
-and so... -Yeah.
[woman] did you wait as far as dating
or did you wait until you got married?
Oh, no girl, we wait... We...
Choyce was the flower girl, honey, in the wedding.
You know, we didn't wait until we got married.
-Oh, no. -Man.
[camera shutter clicking]
being willing to let go
of a relationship.
Before, I felt like I was really ready
but because it was happening,
I went into a mode of radical acceptance.
I'm going to accept the end of this relationship
and believe it's opening the door to something bigger.
-Mmm-hmm. -And a lot of people,
in-including me, I hadn't done that in the past
and I would go through breakups
and I would suffer through them.
Always be sad, I'll be crying, I'll be upset.
Well, if you really believe it's gonna lead to something
bigger and better, would you be crying?
Would you be upset or would you be happy about it?
So I accepted it and I went into this mode,
this is going to lead me to meet my husband.
[camera shutter clicking]
both my parents were together for a really long time,
it was this very loving relationship
that I grew up seeing. And then, like,
out of the blue they got divorced.
So I was a little bit jaded in that way where I was like...
What do you mean a little bit?
..."oh, I'm not ever getting married then."
because if they didn't make it
after what I grew up with,
but get... Nobody can make it.
-This is what she told me... -So... Yeah.
-I don't... -So, this is where I was.
I don't believe in marriage,
I don't believe in monogamy,
and I don't wanna have kids.
-Yeah. That's what I said. -Th-the first evening...
At swingers in our booth.
...We were talking and I was just like,
"oh, all right."
just so you know.
It's the first date, but okay.
[camera shutter clicking]
[dramatic music playing]
my mom went to the rec center every Thursday.
Yeah. Yeah.
And she was part of this
weight loss group called tops.
So every Thursday I was there with my mom
and he would be there sometimes, like, playing
because it's a rec center, basketball, or whatever.
And this one particular day,
I think I probably already thought he was cute,
but nobody thought I was cute then.
And I don't remember what I said,
-but it made him mad. -No.
And then... Wait, why you said no?
-You hit me. -No, you hit me.
But you... I probably hit you,
because you said something slick.
-Nah. Nah. -[laughs]
anyway, I took off running because I knew he was coming
to get me, but I got cute
in, like, seventh and eighth grade,
caught that eye. [laughs] did that.
[laughter]
so yeah. And I was always, like,
-giving him the looks and stuff. -Flirt... Flirting.
-I was. It was... -Yeah. Yeah.
My eye game... These big eyes, they was cold though.
I was like [laughs]
you know, and you got it.
You caught it. He...
That's when we started dating.
Eighth grade was the first time we ever dated.
When we tell people we've known each other
since high school, it's, "oh, my god,
you guys are falling in love when you were 14.
This is beautiful and whatnot."
we're like, "no, we were not that.
We were, like, just good friends
in a group of friends."
like, I used to give her advice on her boyfriends
and her on my girlfriends.
Like, that's just what it was,
but going into
my last year playing at oregon,
I had... I remember having a conversation
with our good friends.
Just talking, like, "why has...
Why haven't any of us
tried to at least talk to blair?
Or why haven't I at least tried to talk to her?"
and I go, "she's cute, she's chill."
-[indistinct] -like we know...
We know all the same people,
our families like each other,
like, let me see if, like...
Let me just start texting her a little bit more,
like, we used to text randomly here and there, but...
Yeah, but then it became every single day.
Like bigger topics. Like,
-"hey, did you see that game or whatever?" -all day.
"did you go to class today?" yup.
She responded though.
-[chuckles] -she was like...
But I knew what you were doing.
Yeah. But she responded.
I was doing a play and... In los angeles.
And he was stage manager in the play.
So everyone's yelling,
people are, "ron, we need her."
and he was just like, "mmm-hmm."
and I just liked the way his demeanor was so calm
in answering questions. And I would just make fun,
like, he put on my mic and I was,
"oh, you touched my booty. Don't touch my booty."
-you know what I'm saying? -She actually said that.
And he's going, "oh, god. I..."
you know, he's freaking out
thinking he's gonna get in trouble, but he...
-I was trying... -...He's like...
I tried to remain professional and she was...
He was very professional,
but I would just mess with him.
Because I started flirting with him
but he never got it, ever.
After everyone took their photos with me,
he is talking to some other girls.
I'm like, "hello?
-My turn, take my picture." -you have to mention this every time.
-And... You... Okay. -But you were.
And the girls even said,
"I think ledisi's waiting for you."
-and sure enough... -Yeah.
-...He comes over. -We take a photo.
And I get all... You know,
I'm all over him and stuff.
And I'm like, "finally taking a picture with me."
-and I took a photo with him. -[ron] mmm-hmm.
And that was the... That's how we met.
So I interned with his fraternity brother.
And when we were getting ready to start for full-time,
he was like, "I'm not coming,
but my frat brother is starting.
Make sure you look out for him."
so there were only about four black people in the program.
-And... -A 50.
Yeah, a 50.
And he was one of, like, two black males.
And I was like, "I'm gonna assume it's you."
[woman] was there like a spark?
There was no spark.
Oh, wait, wait, wait,
oh, so, your wallet won't touch me.
[laughter]
-I'm... -There was no spark.
That was not... Okay. Let me tell it
because now [indistinct] wallet.
Because he had a girlfriend.
-Okay. Okay. -Right.
He had a girl... So, there was no spark.
I did not have a spark for someone else's man.
I, on the other hand, I still have eyes, so I'm open
enough to be honest, it was... She was attractive.
You know what I mean?
I was director of pr for def jam records.
I was in charge of a lot of the new acts.
So, I had ludacris, I had ashanti,
musiq soulchild.
But for ludacris, his manager, chaka was like,
"listen, you know, chris loves the lakers."
so I said, "okay, great. I'll call joe hardy."
I called joe hardy because he says,
he knows all the athletes... All the athletes
and he works with players.
Someone told her that, I'm assuming.
-So, anyway... -So when I see him,
-I kid you not... -That's when we met.
Cue music. I turned around.
He's like, "hey, are you kita williams?"
I turned around. I'm like,
"hey, yes, I am."
and you know, for that moment,
the first time you lay your eyes...
I literally, it was the first time I laid my eyes
on this man and I thought to myself, "oh, my god."
I'm glad she's admitting this because...
I mean, I would never tell him that.
-You know what I'm saying? -Yeah. I don't know
where this is written down, but I would like a copy of it.
[laughter]
and I did think to myself
like, "damn, he's fine."
cut to... He went on about his business.
We did this video shoot. Afterwards, he came back
to say, "thank you. It was a great time."
I was like, "great." he's like, "let's keep in touch.
If you ever need anything, you know,
whether it's one of your artists here or other ones,
I'm available." I was like, "okay, great.
Availability is great."
-and then summertime came... -Mmm-hmm.
-...And my sister was like, -"oh girl,
you about to go to high school."
my sister is six years older.
And she was like, "you don't want a boyfriend
when you go to high school
because there's a lot of boys over there."
and so I told chance, I said, "listen, my sister said,
there's a whole bunch of boys, you know,
over in high school. I got to see what's out there.
-So we got to break up." -the whole year, a great year.
Hey, me and her on the phone all hours of the night.
We're sharing our dreams
and then on the phone,
-"hey, it's over." -I explained why though.
"because my sister said..."
-I told the truth. -Yeah. You told the truth.
But then, she always thinks she's gonna get credit
because she get to go back to,
"at least, I told you the truth."
but that's what happened.
-And so then we broke up. -Dumped.
I started to, like, like her as a person.
The more that we got to, like,
really, really start to dive deep.
We were like talking about everything.
We're talking about her dating life.
It was just like, this is my home girl.
-Religion. -Like, a home,
how you wanna raise your kids?
Like, where you came from?
Like, it was...It was dope
to just have that experience of building a friendship.
-Yeah. -But, you know,
it's hard to mess up, but I was just...
It was...It was...
I was definitely physically attracted.
So we're doing this every day,
going out, hanging out with each other.
And one day, I was getting ready to go home
and he's like, "I'm meeting a friend,
but I need to kill some time, have a drink with me."
and I'm like, "okay." and I, kind of,
felt the energy change,
but I was like, "shireen, he has a girlfriend.
He's happy. They live together.
Like, not everyone is that into you. Relax."
so he starts... And he was like,
"I just want you to know,
like, I enjoy hanging out with you.
And I wanna tell you that I like you."
and she responds... I'll take over here.
"what am I supposed to do with that information?"
-I... -And just...And just stopped.
I was like, okay. I played this over my head a lot of times.
And that... It was not at all the way
that it was supposed to go.
I don't know. I think maybe I'm in love with you.
And if it don't sound completely crazy to you,
call me tomorrow at this number.
And he said nothing on the phone, right?
-Crickets. Nothing. -What do you...
-What do you say to somebody... -Right?
-And I get it. I get it. -...At 4:00...
...At 4:00 in the morning?
-He didn't think I liked him after the first date. -Yeah.
She didn't give me... See in la,
I'm used to getting the hair toss,
a little, you know, wink at the side...
He said, I didn't flirt with him.
I didn't get any flirt back, you know.
Not that I was, like, trying to mack either, but...
It was the first meeting. It was lunch.
I wanted to enjoy my turkey club
and have a good conversation.
He was like, "she didn't flirt with me,
so I don't know if she really likes me."
but I'm not like that. I don't...
I wouldn't meet someone and go out to lunch
and just be, you know, looking all thirsty.
Well, you know, we did talk for like two hours.
-Yeah. Yeah. -So,
that should have been my indication,
but I was like, "I'm not really sure."
-yeah. -"let me make sure."
I remember being upstairs in my room,
looking down at the pool area at the mondrian.
And I was like, "oh,
it's about to be popping down here tonight."
and so I'm like, "yo, what's going on?"
"oh, beyonce is having an album release party."
I'm like, "okay, cool." got the whole crew,
my brother, friends, everybody
and we just bum-rush the party.
And I just see an angel just invade my space
-with a hellfire cigarette... -[laughs]
...Hanging out of her mouth.
And literally
from the spark of that flame,
-it really ignited... -It was.
-It was our own little spark. -...Our relationship.
-Yeah. Yeah. It was. -It was great.
We sat there and talked for...
-Oh. -It's like
the whole party disappeared, really.
And we were just in this one corner
talking to each other.
One of the main things that, kind of,
made me proceed at talking to him
was I asked him what he did for a living.
And he said, "oh, I work in denver."
-and that's all he said to me. -Mmm-hmm.
He didn't say I play football.
He didn't say I'm an athlete.
He didn't say any of that.
And I was like, "okay. I, kind of, like that
you're probably an athlete and you didn't say that to me.
That's already a step in the right direction."
something keeps pulling me
to call him or text or something.
And... But I didn't have his number
and I was scared to ask the director,
because I didn't want...
I don't go after men, they go after me.
You know what I mean? So I was like,
"why is this happening where I feel compelled?"
and he posts a picture on twitter of us,
that same picture.
So I was like, "oh, my god,
he posted a picture of us."
-mmm-hmm. Yeah. -You know, so I dmed him.
I don't do this.
I said, "ron, I don't... I have a crush on you.
I don't know how long it'll last or what this is,
but I just felt I needed you to know."
"so can I text you or give you a call?"
and we, kind of, talk about it.
And then, ron did not respond for days.
I thought I was being played or something.
-[laughs] -like, I'm from philly,
so everything is a set up to me.
[laughter]
so I didn't believe it.
I thought it was the director,
like, making a...
You know, somebody got into the account or say,
"hey, send this to him just to play around." so...
Because I was freaking out doing that. I don't do that.
-And then, finally... -And there I am
at the white house singing,
waiting for him to respond.
Then finally I said,
"okay, I'm gonna respond
and see if this is a joke or whatever."
-and then, I responded to you. -You did.
I said, "great. Let's go out on a date,
-you know, do something." -then... Yeah.
And then, we did our first date.
We did our first date but you canceled it.
A little bit of time passed, we started somewhat being,
you know, a little bit more normal,
but she still was not giving me
any of the vibes whatsoever.
We... Me and my girlfriend
ended up starting to go through it.
So she packed her stuff up and I was...
I endorsed it. It was a break.
We called it a break. We're gonna figure things out.
Just give us some time to, you know, think about it.
So she packed up and moved.
Monday morning, I came to work,
I said,
"your boy ain't got no girlfriend,
no more, what's up?
Now, it's time to shoot. Now, you got to shoot."
wh-while they were going through it...
-No. No, no, no. -...He was using me as his therapist.
When she said she wanted out, there you go.
But she made me beg her to go on a date, like,
I had to ask her consistently, bro.
I don't ever wanna be that dude.
I was that dude. I was like, "we go on a date?
-We go on a date?" -so I obliged.
-"what are you doing Friday?" -oh. Oh.
I was like, "you know what, shireen,"
and at that point I had gotten into graduate school.
So I knew I was leaving new york.
And I'm like, "girl, you're only here
for a few more months, like, go on a date with him.
If it goes to hell at least you're just...
You're out of here, like, you have an escape plan."
so I was like, "okay, let's go on a date."
I ended up going to college in miami
and chance was in college in north carolina.
And one night I woke up, like, 1:00 in the morning,
middle of the night and he was the only person
I could think about.
And I started thinking like, "oh, my god.
All these years, I will see him
and I get this pain in my stomach and...
Oh, my god.
I always had this feeling,
like, maybe I'm in love with him.
Maybe I love him, like, I don't even know,
like, why am I thinking about him?" right?
I... Hey, I always tell her, "that's guilt."
-no. -That's what guilt does to you.
Listen, he had girlfriends, I had boyfriends
all through high school. Like, it was never...
It was over, you know,
but this thing woke me up out of my sleep.
And I called, kept ringing the dorm
and his roommate answered.
I was like, "it's an emergency.
I need to speak to chance brown."
and he gets on the phone and I was like, "okay.
I know this sounds crazy, but, you know, this is tabitha
and I just need to tell you something."
so I started telling him, I was like, "you know,
every time I would see you over the years,
I would have this feeling and...
Pain in my stomach and I don't know,
I just woke up in the middle of the night,
you're the only person I could think about.
And I don't know... I think maybe I'm in love with you.
And if it don't sound completely crazy to you
call me tomorrow at this number."
and he said nothing on the phone, right?
-Crickets. Nothing. -What do you...
-What do you say to somebody... -Right?
-And I get it. I get it. -...At 4:00...
...At 4:00 in the morning?
When somebody call you in the middle of the night
like this and confess their love for you
at 18, 19 years of age,
that's a lot to deal with.
-But he called. -Hey, I called.
-Yeah. -Yeah. I called.
And, you know, I...
And then we talked...
-Yeah. -...A couple of times
and we were... We're gonna see each other
when we go home for break.
And then, we got home, it was homecoming.
We spent some time together, homecoming.
And I didn't feel it.
Hey... It... Ye-yeah.
Yeah. You see this?
You didn't feel it either.
-Man. -We didn't feel it.
We were like maybe it was just a...
-No. -...A thing. I don't know.
She just felt like she could just keep...
-No. He... -...Running in and out of my life.
And he still had somebody he was dealing with.
It just wasn't right, it didn't feel right.
So I was like, "nah, I'm cool."
so he comes over again with the same line.
"let's keep... Hey, how are you?
-Let's keep in touch." -I didn't.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You did.
"hey, let's meet up later." I was like,
"hmm. No, dude. No. That's the same line.
I'm not going for it. I don't care how fine
you think you are, but I'm not taking the medicine."
he called me two hours after that lunch.
So when I saw it was him, I was like,
"oh, he must've forgotten something."
but no, he was just calling to follow-up
and put the ball in my court as you would say.
And then I contacted him about a week later,
so it took a week and he thought, again...
I was like, "oh. Oh, well."
...He wasn't gonna hear from me,
but I did contact him a week later.
[man] why did it take you a week?
I was thinking.
I... You know, it's...
I knew if I contacted him after that week
that we were going to see each other again.
And it was going to be the start of something,
and in my mind... I'd had this conversation with god.
I only wanna date my husband.
I dated enough to know what I didn't want.
And I also was very clear
about the qualities
that I knew I wanted my husband to have.
When he said he was gonna call, he called.
When he said he was gonna pick me up at a certain time,
he picked me up at that time. That reliability,
all of those things that you want, he brought it.
That's when I knew.
So I was thinking, don't mess this up [chuckles]
because this is going really well for you right now.
We were actually playing
cal berkeley a few weeks later.
And this was back when coaches will let you stay the weekend,
wherever you're playing, as long as you're back by Monday.
So she came to the game with a couple of other friends
and that night, I stayed at her place.
That next morning, we woke up
and we, like, woke up in a cuddle.
Like, it was...It was... Nobody else...
Like, her roommate wasn't there,
we're laying in her bed.
My face is like on her cheek.
I'm like, "oh, this is great."
-[laughs] -and we knew it was weird,
but neither one of us wanted to,
I guess, step away from that moment.
When it was time to go, I remember we hugged
and, kind of, looked at each other, like,
is this where a kiss happens or not?
And I was like... In my head I'm like,
"this isn't the time to kiss." like...
But we didn't... Still didn't have that conversation.
There was still no, "what are we?"
nothing like that.
So I called and said,
"ron, why are you canceling? What happened?"
-and he said... -I said,
"I didn't have enough money."
-[giggles] -and I had money,
but I didn't have enough
for what I had in my head
-of planning... -For me.
-...The date. -Yeah.
-But... -Because he explained it all
-and the reason why... -Yeah. And she said,
-"I don't care about all that. -...That he canceled. I said, "I don't care.
Even if we just get coffee
and sit and talk to each other.
-I just wanna see your face... -Yeah.
...Instead of this telephone
and get to know you more."
once she said, "I don't care about that."
I turned off the switch and then, I got into...
I'm not even gonna lie. I went back into philly mode.
And there it was like, you can do
a walk down the street, get...
Have a hot pretzel or something,
and just engage with someone.
Actually, our first date was more
of, like, we were already dating.
So we met one time at the video shoot.
Two years later, we met again at a jamie foxx,
jennifer hudson, when they were nominated for the oscars,
they had a party. I went there.
I was no longer at def jam.
He then said, "let's meet for lunch."
never met, two more years later, happened again.
So now this is another two more years
and I see him at a basketball game.
I had lost my aunt when I see him at a basketball game.
He waves from afar, I'm like, "oh, that's the guy
that always says we're gonna do something later.
Whatever, that... I ain't even trying to hear you."
so he comes over again with the same line.
"let's keep... Hey, how are you?"
-I didn't. -"let's keep in touch.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah." you did.
"hey, let's meet up later." I was like,
"hmm. No, dude. No. That's the same line.
I'm not going for it. I don't care how fine
you think you are,
but I'm not taking the medicine."
everything happened when it was supposed to.
So long story short after we met the third time,
some time had passed...
Seven months to be exact passed.
-I'm glad she knew all this. -Mmm-hmm.
-Because you can see the text on your phone. -Yeah. So, yeah.
And I called her and I called her by mistake.
Some [...].
-I mean... -That's funny?
-That's funny to you? -You know what,
they say everything happens for a reason, right?
They do. They say everything happens for...
-It does. -But I did. I called her...
-There was a reason. Yes. -I called her by mistake.
We started talking and I was like,
"wow, this is random." didn't know that
he probably was like, "yeah, it is random."
and he's like, "so, yeah."
he just kind of paused. And I was like,
"oh, he's so happy to talk to me."
-I was caught off guard. I was like... -I thought, "yeah."
I was like, "he was just really happy to talk to me."
he's like, "so..." but I didn't realize
he was trying to figure out who is this on the phone.
So he was like, "yeah, is this..." I said, "kita."
he's like, "hey, how you doing?"
he was like, "so,
do you wanna get together, maybe, you know,
I know it's been a minute." and I was like,
"well, I'm in dallas, blah, blah, blah, blah.
I'll be back here. You blah, blah, blah, blah."
and he was like, "okay, perfect.
So let's do this weekend."
he, kind of, made plans by mistake.
So, we moved past that and then into dating.
We dated...We dated for a little bit.
And you told me, you love me the first time.
We-we're jumping.
We dated for a little bit, right?
-We dated for a little bit. -Right.
And then...
-Oh, that's right. -I got back with my ex.
Can we say that again?
I said it first.
-I was about to say. Say what now? -I said it first.
And I tried to catch myself, we were on the phone.
Too late, already said it. I was like...
And she had shared something
really emotional with me.
And I was like, "oh my god, I love you."
and she was like, "excuse me?"
and I was like, "wait.
I meant that I had loved the way
that you had conveyed."
and I was like, "you know what,
I... Well, I love you. I could...
I mean, what... It is what it is.
I love you."
-and that was that, man. -Yeah. That was it.
And it was...It was kismet.
Yeah.
This was November when we saw each other,
then we didn't see each other any more until April.
-Yeah. -And then,
April came and I was driving
in our hometown in eden.
And his... One of his friends
as a mutual friend, he was like,
"man, I'm on my way to, uh, chance's house.
I'm about to walk over there, give me a ride."
and I was like, "oh." when he said his name,
I was like, "oh god.
Oh, chance? Oh, okay.
Okay. I'll give you a ride over there, you know?"
and so, I take kevin over there,
and I pull up in the driveway,
and I don't know if kevin had called him
to say that tabitha gonna give me the ride.
I ran real quick, you know...
About 25 pushups
and waited for, you know,
let her see what she was missing
and then post it up on the board.
-[laughs] -right, right.
But when I pull it up and I saw him,
that feeling started coming back.
I started feeling... I was, "oh, my god."
and so I was just like, "hey, chance."
-and he was like, "hey, tab." -yeah.
And we started talking that day
and we have been together ever since.
Since. Yup.
Dating became more frequent,
we just started to just, like, do stuff together,
started becoming a regular
that we were just out together.
We go down to atl greek
and she just treated me
like she treated me in new york and I was like,
"wow. This girl might really, really like me."
I introduced him to some of my people.
Yeah. Yeah. She, like, integrated me
my "transparent self" into like
her whole new york sce.
But my ex came back into the picture.
My ex came back into the picture
right after that trip
which was crazy.
And I was like, I had so long to, kind of, just, like,
be in a whirlwind with her.
And then, the ex is back, like, "okay.
I want us to, kind of, re-establish ourselves."
so I was like, "whoa, this came out of nowhere.
I want to call my friend." like, she was easily
becoming my best friend, so I called her up
and I was like, "yo, like,
shorty said she wanted to get back together.
And yada, yada, yada."
I'm like, "whoa, this is wild."
she was like,
"so what are you gonna decide?
What are you going to do?"
I was like, "it just happened.
Like, I was just trying to, like, tell you,
like, talk through some things."
"well, let me...Let me make this easy for you.
I don't wanna be with anybody
who doesn't know if they wanna be with me.
So you can... You can get back with her.
Have an amazing life."
I wish you nothing but blessings and success
and have a great year, the great rest of your life."
I was like, "yo, relax.
Like, it's not even that big of a deal.
I'm just trying to talk with you through this
-as I plan." -I just...
I want us to make it clear
that I'm not about...
I'm not about to build a case
on why I'm better.
If you don't know why I'm better,
then there's nothing else to talk about
and it's no... It's absolutely...
It's really no hard feelings, like,
I want you to... As a friend, I want you to be happy,
but I'm not gonna sit here and plead my case
-on why I'm a good choice. -But I would say
that response is why I was like,
"nah. Let's keep dating."
because that was like,
she was giving me vibes
that I had just never experienced before,
like, she was going back to business school.
I didn't know what I wanted to do with my career.
She was just so focused and motivated
on, like, her own success,
and what she wanted out of life.
And I was like, "whoa." I was like,
"nah, nah, this is... This is worth, like,
trying to see this thing through."
I think I said I love you
probably a month in.
And I think faith was, sort of, like,
-"okay." I think... -Well, because he's fearless
in love, and relationships, and dating.
I'm not, like, we are... We're...
We may be new at marriage,
but we're not new at relationships.
-Absolutely. -We've both had
a number of relationships
that didn't work out
the way we anticipated at the time.
For me, I think I internalized more things
from those past experiences
and he just didn't,
he wasn't jaded.
His heart was really open.
So I wasn't as quick
to jump on the I love you train,
but I did get there eventually.
And my guard started
to come down over time.
We, kind of, like, built out these guidelines that,
like, when we're together, like, we're...
We can do everything together,
like, as sort of a couple, a pseudo-couple.
But when we're apart or with our friends,
you know, we're just friends in the group.
We don't wanna be that couple in a group of friends.
And for the next few months, it's me,
you know, playing football.
But we were still in this, like,
when we're together, we're together,
but when we're apart, like,
we're just individuals, you know.
But I think our relationship,
if we can call it that at this point,
I make the joke that, like,
"I had a girlfriend, but she didn't have
a boyfriend at this point."
like, that was like a six-month,
like, this is happening.
I went from being the woman
who didn't wanna be monogamous, or get married,
or any of those types of things.
It wasn't like I was void of emotion,
do you know what I mean? Like...
-W-w-w... -Shh.
It wasn't like I was void of emotion.
I'd just, think, been a little bit scarred
from what I had experienced with my parents.
Once my parents got divorced,
that was just not even on the table or an option.
-Mmm-hmm. -And so...
But the longer I was with him
and the more time I spent with him,
I was like, "okay, I can see why people
spend the rest of their lives with someone
because now at this point,
I can't imagine doing anything without him.
Like, I can't even see that happening."
you just start to notice little things
that maybe before you didn't realize those things meant
that you were in love, but I was like,
"wow. Everything I did, I wanted to share with him."
I basically got,
kind of, thrown into her world.
-Yes. I threw you in. -And... Yeah, remember?
And so, I came to dc and I was with her,
and I got to see her perform, and interact.
[laughs] that's where we went to get those chicken wings.
-Yeah. Yeah. -Had those at stan's, the man.
-Yeah. Okay. [laughs] -so, we went
to go get the wings
and we were leaving after that.
Do you remember?
We were walking and she said,
"I have something to tell you,
but I don't know how you're gonna respond
-to what I have to tell you." -I don't remember.
And we were standing at the corner
and I said, "I love you too."
that's right. Oh, my god. How do you remember?
-Oh, you remember everything. -I remember because I knew
what you were going to say,
so I decided to say it before you said it. [laughs]
we were in the car and you got attitude.
-Yeah. And I said... -So you don't wanna marry me
no more? I was like, "wait a minute.
Wait, I thought we was it...
What are you talking about?" I mean, out of nowhere.
To this past relationship,
so it had to happen.
So, I got back with her.
Things didn't turn out the way I thought they would be.
-Mmm-hmm. -And it was a mutual friend
that ended up bringing us together,
but she called because she was asked
to call by one of her clients.
I, kind of, sent a text just to him
as though I was sending a group text.
I was like, "hey, y'all. Tito's having,
you know, a big party.
If you guys wanna come, hit me here."
and I only sent it to him
even though it sounded like I sent it to group text.
He hit back in 10 seconds.
I was like...
So he's like,
"yo, I got this guy, that guy,
this guy, that guy, you know...
You know, let me know what the address is."
I was like, "okay. Great."
and that's kind of where it re-ignited
and I think what was great is
it took him to go back to a space
that even was... That was...
Even though it was dormant, I think it's very important
when you're in relationships,
if you don't close the door,
that door will be ajar and at some point
when there is, you know, an opportunity,
it can easily be opened.
So I felt like that was a good scenario
that needed to happen for him to realize,
"okay. That's not it anymore.
I know that door is closed."
and it allowed him to be completely available.
A part of me had this fear
of deciding and vocalizing
that I wanted to be married,
that I wanted to have a family
because I was afraid
of failing at that.
I said, "okay. How do you achieve...
How have you achieved so much in your career?
How can you apply those things to your personal life?"
so that's what I did.
I set a goal, I wrote the goal down,
and I thought about it.
This is what I really want.
So, on my birthday that year I wrote,
I will be engaged
to blank this year.
Hadn't even met the person,
didn't even know who it would be.
I always say I didn't know, but god knew.
Right? And six months later, I met my husband.
I was actually very calm and measured about it.
A couple of people tried to set me up with folks
and I said, "hmm, it's not him."
but then I met kenny and I had this list,
and everybody has their list,
and it was every single thing,
I had 50 things on the list.
He was 49 out of 50.
You're not 6'2, but that's okay.
-Everything else... -I can try to be 6'2.
Everything else, though,
the things that really mattered...
The things that really mattered,
his heart, his kindness,
the goodness, he was consistent,
and just demonstrated love across the board.
I knew how he loved me
just by taking care of me
and dealing with the whirlwind
in the small amount of time we'd been together
because it's a lot dating an artist
because it's...
We can be a little bit selfish
because of our work
and emotional,
but he was standing tall in it.
And that's when I knew, "gosh, he gets it."
I don't have to explain.
And I could still be myself through this whole thing.
That was really, really cool, man.
That was dope.
You still do that.
So anyway,
gosh, I'm losing it.
Okay. Go ahead. [laughs]
no, that was...
That's the first time that I knew
that it would go the distance
is when you did come to philly.
I said I was gonna make a... Or go to visit somebody
in north philadelphia and she said,
"oh no, I'll go with you."
and I'd look and said, "you sure you wanna go?"
I just kinda said it like that, you know.
-And it was late at night too. -Yeah, it was...
It was at night... Late at night and you said,
-"yeah, I'll go." -like, 1:00 in the morning.
And so we went down there
and she met a couple of friends of mine.
And at that moment,
I knew because it wasn't, like,
putting on any airs or anything like that.
It was just... That was the raw organic her
that she can be from, you know,
sitting down at this table,
you know, champagne glasses,
all of this, to being in the streets,
type of, you know,
from one end to the other end of the spectrum.
And that was, like,
the very first time that I knew.
We were girlfriend, boyfriend maybe six...
-No, about a year into... -Mmm-hmm.
Your graduate school.
I lost my job.
I had always had jobs,
-internships and stuff... -Mmm-hmm.
...So I never had to go without.
-And he's a provider. -Yeah.
Like, that's just who he is by nature.
He's a person who if we were out for drinks,
he's gonna slap his card on the bar
and pay for everyone's drinks.
So, to not be able to do that was...
-Yes, it was. -...Taking a toll on him.
Yeah, it was messing me up.
So I was, like, becoming a very angry
different person in that point in time.
I'm running out of money, she wants to go on double date
one of her colleagues or one of her classmates
and I'm like, "no, like, let's eat at jimmy john's
this weekend and, you know,
-just chilling." -she was like, "no.
Her boyfriend's coming to town.
We're going out." and if you ever met
this one before, she can be
very much decisive and you don't have much say in it.
So we go out.
I'm just seeing them order up the menu.
You know, when you're out with your friends, like,
"all right, get a drink.
I'll have the water
with lemon please."
and I'm just, like, counting out to like,
"oh, my god, what are we gonna do when this bill comes?"
that's all I could think about the entire time.
I looked down
and I see that I had a text from her
it was like, "go check your account."
and I saw that she had quickpay'd me money
to cover the meal.
So I could pull out my card as opposed to her,
you know, pulling out hers.
And I just like, "that's crazy, bro."
like, that right there,
I said, "when I get my life together,
I'm marrying you. You don't have to think...
I'm marrying you because you freaking get it, bro."
you be with me in what was the most
humiliating moments of my life
just like she wouldn't let me lose hope.
For years, we got pressured about being married,
shacking, things of that nature.
And it was a different, kind of pressure from her
because she comes from a family
and a background of marriage, right?
Me? Not so much.
It's not very common in my side of the family
to get married.
I didn't know what it truly meant.
Mmm-hmm.
It was a piece of paper to him,
that's what he used to always say.
Therefore, I didn't respect it.
-But we got engaged... -And... We got engaged
and, you know... And I was like, a lot of brothers.
I held... I held that engagement as long as I could.
For as long as I could
because I still... Again, I did...
I was doing to that to appease everybody else
and to relieve some of that pressure.
Like, "man, look man, I ain't just hanging out.
-I'm..." -[laughter]
right? But...
She was... She went from asking...
To one day, we go to a wedding
and then it dawns on me and I'm thinking,
"oh man, we will go to this wedding
and it's gonna stir this back up.
Oh, my god.
So, we're in the wedding and I'm listening,
and I'm moved by it. I'm never...
I've went to weddings and I'm like,
"man, that was beautiful. Okay.
I like what that brother had to say."
right?
And we get in the car and leaving,
she don't say nothing.
She like, "what are we gonna eat?"
-and I'm like... -I was hungry.
And I'm like...
She don't wanna marry me no more.
She don't view this.
So I go to her and I'm... And...
-No. -And I say, "I..."
uh-uh. We were in the car
-and you got attitude. -Yeah. And I said...
"so you don't wanna marry me no more?"
I was like, "wait a minute.
Wait, I thought we was it...
What are you talking about?"
I mean, out of nowhere.
I stacked all my money, got my life together,
and that was when the ring...
Can you show them the ring, please?
[laughs] yeah. It was...
He definitely stacked his money. He hid the money.
For my birthday, she had gave me my present.
-Mmm-hmm. -And my present was...
Of all things, it was a bible.
-Praise the lord. -[laughs]
-praise the lord. -It had my name on it
and everything, and I got this bible,
and I was like,
"you know what, I have definitely experienced life
on both prisms."
you know what I'm saying?
Both good and bad, but my nature
is to be good.
So long story short...
His nature is... [laughs]
when I got that bible,
I was like, "okay, god. I got it."
-mmm-hmm. -You know what I'm saying?
This is the first woman I ever dated,
-she gave me a bible. -I gave you a bible,
-not the cookies, a bible. -You know.
You know, I mean truth be told, I'm...
I aspire, you know what I'm saying?
Consistently aspire to be a better man,
you know what I'm saying?
So receiving that bible is, like, "you know what?
Okay. I get it." you know what I'm saying?
She's a good woman, she's... You know,
she about her business, blah, blah, blah.
And you know, I looked at it as a sign, like,
"yo, I don't wanna lose her."
what is it? Like, why am I, like,
stiff-arming him, like, why do I not want this?
He's always been a great man and a great person.
I...
Am a part of that, like,
daddy issues crew of girls and so,
I was always very, like, cautious
of getting close to men
and always felt, like, I had to, kind of, like,
explain why that was.
I always, like...
Kept to myself I think because of that history
and with him, like, I explained it to him.
He understood it.
We speak the same love language,
do we both, like being...
We need physical touch and, like,
we both, like, being close to each other
and touching each other and, like,
there's never been distance between us.
[spencer] she welcomed the, like,
quirky side of me.
And she just accepted me for,
you know, the person that is emotional,
the person that is, like, empathetic,
but at the end of the day, like,
I think she knew that, like,
I would be wholeheartedly in this with her.
And that's why I loved her for.
I stacked up my money, got my life together,
and that was when the ring came.
Can you show him the ring, please?
He definitely stacked his money. He hid the money.
He would fly back and forth from new york to atlanta,
and he would come, and he would ask me to like,
he's, like, "can we go to chick-fil-a?
Can you pay?" and I'm like, "we both work.
Why do I need to pay for your six dollar chick-fil-a?"
you're so annoying, bro. Like, so...
You're so annoying, like, you could have just paid,
-but... -I'm like...
I'm getting so mad like, can you just pay?
Like, why are you asking me questions about it,
-can you just pay? -I'm like,
"this chick-fil-a is six dollars.
We are both working adults.
Why do I have to pay for your..."
I'm trying to keep every single penny
to get this ring.
And she just, like, not making it easy.
I mean, got an attitude on a weekend roll in.
She's like... [groans]
you know.
-Jeez, but anyway. -So when I finally
saw the ring, I was like,
"where did he get money?"
[laughing]
I was like... I asked his brother, I was like,
"what's your brother doing on the side?
This ring's beautiful."
after I blow up, right?
I mean, I'm pissed.
-He hot. -Like, you know, I'm like,
so her response was,
"no. I'm cool.
As long as I'm with you,
I'm good."
-it was just that simple. -I was like,
"you ain't going nowhere, I ain't going nowhere.
-We ain't gotta get married." -"as long as...
Me and you together,
and we gonna be together, we gonna die together."
and immediately, I wanted to get married.
And because what they said to me was...
She understood
my misunderstanding of marriage.
And she grew up with a man
that she praises.
She grew up in marriage and knew the benefits of it
and everything, but she was willing
to meet me in my misunderstanding
of what it meant...
And die with it.
I... Oh.
That's all I needed to know.
And at that moment, I was, like,
"we got to get married."
[dramatic music playing]
[man] I'm an owner of my business.
I do things my way.
I get up when I wanna get up.
Like, I move how I wanna move,
you know what I mean?
And so a lot of that
carried over into us,
like, you don't tell me what to do.
-I worked for $15 an hour. -He did.
And you're talking about humble?
-That is some humble as pie. -I made his lunch.
-It sure was. -Right.
I wouldn't say that to my boys.
Like, "hey, you know, my wife is in charge
and I got my allowance."
but now, I'm 45.
I tell people straight out,
"yeah, I got my allowance today. I'm good."