But if this is the last time
Make up your mind
I've waited a lifetime to live
Camera 3, give me Lizzy. Taking camera 3.
Donny, I need a wide. Get a wide camera. Wide shot.
I'm making a fire
-Where should I put the coffee? -Wait, where is Brett? Coff-- What?
Chip said I should ask you where to put it.
I know a place we can start
But if this is the last time
Make up your mind
Congratulations on everything, Stella. Getting Alex back was masterful.
I've waited a lifetime to live
-Ratings last night… -Yes, hell of an interview.
Thanks so much, Gerald.
It's time to ignite I'm making a fire
-What-- Go up there? Oh, Jesus. God. -Go up and talk to Dave.
Oh, my gosh, you guys. The Foo Fighters. You guys… What?
I love you, Dave!
-I know every single song. -It's a new song.
Nobody's really heard it yet. Comes out summer 2020.
It was my daughter Violet's idea to play it, actually.
Yeah. I said, you know, Alex should get a world premiere.
-I love her. She's my favorite. -She's cool.
I mean, I love you guys, too, but…
All right, ladies and gentlemen, the Foo Fighters. That was amazing.
We're out. Back in two minutes.
-You doing okay? -Dave, I'm so good.
-Are you happy? -Yeah.
-Yeah? -I'm happy.
-You seem happy. -Thank you for doing this.
-You guys are the best. -Thank you.
The number two trending story is
the president announcing his budget proposal today,
which is expected to include steep cuts to Medicare and Medicaid
and increase spending on a border wall.
But the top trending topic this morning is…
It's Alex Levy.
-It's Alex Levy. -Come on. Wow!
-Oh, my gosh. -I've arrived, guys.
-Yes, you can quit now. -No, no.
-No, don't-- don't quit. -Wait.
-She just got back. -The people are saying,
"Thank goodness Alex Levy's home. Coffee doesn't taste right without her."
-True. It did taste different today. -That's very sweet.
"OMG! So great to see Alex and Bradley together.
Bradley without Alex is like Rose without Jack."
-Adorable. -Oh, my gosh. Thank you.
-Yeah. -Twitter user @Crvcrab says,
"Alex Levy, modern day hero."
Yeah. "Hashtag feminist god."
Okay, that's enough.
I think we've heard enough of this. Come on, Ty.
Just keep hitting her with those brutal tweets.
We're thrilled to have you back. You're family here on The Morning Show.
Yanko, just a heads-up. Someone reposted your Groundhog Day thing.
That's cool.
Yeah, actually, it's what I said the other day.
They don't like that you call something your spirit animal,
so that's why they reposted it.
-Oh, please. Is it-- Is that it? -Yeah.
Let me see that.
Crap. Thanks.
It's okay.
Brava! That's what I call a show, girlfriend.
-L-E-V-Y, what does it spell? -I love you.
-Congrats. I'll see you upstairs. -Thanks, honey.
-Alex, great to have you back. -Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
-Hey, good show. -Thank-- Thanks.
-I think it went well. -I gave Stella your best political stuff.
So hopefully this will get us moderator.
Yeah, I hope so too.
People still stop me on the street about that de Blasio interview.
-Are you going somewhere? -Yeah. I have a meeting.
-You have a meeting? -I booked it myself.
I'll call you in a couple hours.
-We did it. -You've done it, like, a million times.
I know. But, like, a million lifetimes ago.
Could you imagine if they paid me all that money and I just sucked?
-Well, you didn't have to come back. -I know, but I did.
Is it good?
Oh, gosh. Oh, man. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
-Mom? -Yeah?
-You all right? -Yeah, I'm good. I'm good.
Lizzy, you wanna go check out the spread in the kitchen?
-See if your mom wants some food? -Yeah.
Okay. Okay.
-Okay. Sorry. -Last night's interview played great.
I mean, yes, you were nervous.
But it turned out great.
-The ratings were great. -Yeah.
First show back, smashing success.
-Relax. -I hear you.
Okay. I know, right? I need to relax.
Good. Now, we do need to talk about the debate.
The DNC needs their list of moderators, and it's just--
We gotta book the travel and hotels, Vegas, all that stuff.
Yeah. Yeah. No. No.
The last thing I want right now is more exposure.
Is there a part of you that feels you should do it? As a show of good faith.
No.
You mentioned what a generous deal they made for you,
and they obviously didn't do that for nothing.
They know you can bring home the bacon and fry it up.
You'll bring 'em a huge audience.
It's win-win.
I have to take it. It's Doug.
Alex…
you should do this.
-Should do this? -Yeah.
You know what you should do?
Yeah. Right. Okay. Still-- Still doing it.
And you know that comes with all the love in my heart.
Hey, Doug. Yes, I did. I got all of your flowers.
Okay, now, when you're doing your interview, remember,
law professors do not need to be ambushed.
This is to establish how Italian law sometimes has a--
Yeah, yeah.
By "yeah, yeah, yeah," do you just want me to shut up?
-She wants me to shut up. -I'm just trying to focus right now.
Okay. I get it.
I get it. I totally get it.
We could rehearse.
I could play the professor.
You could play Paola Lambruschini, documentary filmmaker.
Actually, Fido could play the professor.
-He's very professional. -Yeah.
He's got one of those jackets with patches on the elbows, the whole thing.
Yeah? Wanna do that?
You're gonna do great.
I know it's early in the day for the Donner Party,
but Plus sent over a cut of the Forlorn Hope finale.
-You want to watch it now? -Oh, yes. God, yes.
You know…
for someone in the closet, you sure know your way around.
I'm not in the closet. I'm just not actually a lesbian.
Well, you're something.
You're something.
-I better go. -You have to?
Yeah, I gotta go to Cory's office.
I'm gonna walk in there, and I'm gonna tell him
that I'm not fucking leaving until he gives me moderator.
-What? -So sorry. I didn't mean to laugh.
It just sounded funny, so combative.
It's not combative. It's honest.
Is that how you two communicate, with unvarnished truths and ultimatums?
I can tell you, I've known Cory a long time,
and he wouldn't let just anyone do that.
-It's complicated. -I'd like to hear.
I guess…
Okay, well, on the day of Alex's last show--
Actually, it feels gross calling it that.
On the day Hannah died. Did you know Hannah?
-No, but I know who you mean. -Well, so much happened that day.
And after it all, the board actually fired Cory.
-Please don't tell anybody I said that. -I won't.
I mean, they never announced it.
They fired Cory, they put Fred on leave, and they suspended me.
Alex took off.
So Cory and I got really close.
We really showed up for each other and…
-Are you sure you want to hear this? -Where's it going exactly?
As friends, I was just… My heart broke for him.
-He was really vulnerable. -Yeah, he doesn't lead with that.
No, but-- But then a couple days later,
I got up in front of the board, and I just fucking unloaded on them.
And I told them that Fred had to be fired, and that Cory was the guy to replace him,
and I really didn't think I was getting through to them.
But then a day later, he came down to my room,
and he said that they made him CEO.
And as his first act, he was lifting my suspension.
At that point, he and I were, like, best friends.
And I was a really good friend to him.
Anyway, fuck him.
You know they're talking about replacing him, right?
Wait, what?
UBA is in third,
which wouldn't be such a big deal if it didn't go hand in hand with scandal.
I mean, it doesn't matter that he's had success for them.
People's memories are short,
and at the end of the day, it just comes down to money.
And he's investing just massive amounts in UBA+,
which doesn't launch for another month, and it needs to perform.
And, I mean, another streaming service?
-They should be illegal. -I guess you could just not subscribe.
At this point,
UBA's balance sheet basically looks like a hemophiliac's used Band-Aid.
You should talk to him.
That's what I'm gonna do. That's how this conversation started.
But you should reconcile with him, even if it's just for show.
The network is your partner.
And he's your CEO for now.
Make them your ally, not your foe.
Your career will thank you.
-Wow, you got a lot of stuff. -I'm used to it.
-What will you do while I'm in it? -What am I going to do?
-Practice my singing… -Uh-huh.
…with some Italian music.
Ready?
Uno, duo, tre, quatro!
When I was a boy Just about the eighth-a grade
Mama used to say
"Don't stay out-a late With the bad-a boys
Always shootin' pool, Giuseppe You gonna flunk-a school!"
Idiota.
You talking to Giuseppe?
You know, Giuseppe…
I'm not really used to people helping me.
So…
So thank you.
Prego.
What's-a matter you?
Hey! Gotta no respect?
Stop it.
What-a you think you do? Why you look-a so sad?
It's-a not so bad It's-a nice-a place
-Keep it down! -Ah, shaddap-a you face!
Hey, Paige, is everything okay?
No, everything is not okay. Kelly Daykin just called me.
I didn't know you two talked.
It wasn't a good call.
Someone tried to plant a nasty story in the Daily News about Hannah Shoenfeld.
Did she say what it was?
She spared me details.
Apparently it paints her as pretty fucked up.
You said, "tried." "Tried to plant."
-So, they're not printing it? -They're not.
Why did she call you?
I think the implication is clear.
Oh, my God, Paige, you don't think I'm behind this?
-Who do you think I am? -The kids don't need this.
It was not me.
That poor girl doesn't need this.
-Paige. -I don't wanna hear it.
I did my duty. I hope you're enjoying Italy.
When he arrived, he was starving.
I'd seen that look so many times these last five months.
It was horrible.
So where is he, Mr. Keseberg?
Where is my son? We will dig up every last inch of dirt…
Kyle, who's calling on my direct?
-Please, Mr. Eddy. -If I have--
Kyle, who is it?
I didn't know if I should yell this out.
It's Mitch Kessler.
Okay, I'll take it. Stay off this one.
-Hello? -Yeah?
I didn't know you were there.
Most people say, "Hello."
Something new I'm trying out.
Groundbreaking stuff.
I'm calling because I thought you should know
that someone has launched a smear campaign against Hannah.
Fred.
Yeah. Daily News isn't gonna run it,
but his tentacles run so deep that somebody's gonna bite eventually.
Unless you cut it off at the root.
Yeah? What you expect me to do, Mitch? Kill and eat him to keep him quiet?
What do I expect you to do? The right thing.
Can you say that again? It's amazing coming out of your mouth.
Look, I'm just trying to help.
You know, I don't have the UBA apparatus at my disposal.
And my money is not good in that town anymore.
Why don't you take a big step back and think about this?
This is your fault.
You can try and pretend like Fred's the bad guy,
but there are no nasty stories without you, pal.
Well, you made some pretty big fucking promises.
Yeah? Fred, so bad he had to go.
Or maybe you just wanted his job. Well, congratulations.
I'm glad that it is so easy for you to sit in that big room full of straw,
judging me, when you should be doing what you promised and spin it into gold.
You're the CEO. Do what a CEO does: handle it.
Handle the suit. Make it go away.
Keep these awful stories out of the press
and leave me the fuck alone so I can live my life.
Whatever miserable scraps are left of it.
Hey, I need a second.
Can it wait?
It has waited two weeks in quarantine in China and then some.
What's another couple of hours? I have to get to Stella's.
But that's why it can't wait. Sooner you agree, sooner you're upstairs.
Two minutes.
Don't worry. You're not the topic of conversation.
And why the fuck not?
I want to be the topic of conversation for once.
I did a lot of thinking trapped in that little box.
Oh, my God, Daniel. Beijing Hilton is not a little box.
-We've talked-- -I'm not talking about the Hilton.
I'm talking about my life.
I don't have a 50-minute hour. I have two minutes.
I'll make it quick because I didn't come here for therapy.
Look.
There is a pattern of behavior around here that, to put it kindly,
often excuses the bad behavior of white folks
and disadvantages the people of color, namely me.
And you know it too.
I mean, at least George Wallace had the courtesy to tell you to your face.
I'm done turning the other cheek.
Okay, okay.
Of course I know it.
Sure it's not lost on you that I was only put in charge
after everything had gone to shit and failure was damn near certain.
So I get it.
But look, I am-- I'm… happier to have the job in this situation
than to be shut out in the name of fairness.
And all I ask is that, when you talk to Stella,
you push for me to moderate.
Okay. You're right. I will plead your case.
Now I have to get up there.
There should be some Black voice up there.
And it's not gonna come from one of the candidates.
I'll do what I can.
-You're not gonna fire me over this? -Oh, no. Come on, Yanko, no. But…
You know, the backlash has gotten out of hand.
It's just one of those things. We know you didn't mean anything by it.
But we gotta nip that thing in the bud, okay?
So, you're gonna have to apologize on the show tomorrow.
So you want me to say I'm sorry.
-Yeah. You gotta be. -Okay, I still don't-- I don't understand
why it's a bad thing for me to call something my spirit animal, okay?
And by the way, a whole week went by, nobody cared.
Well, they care now, and we care.
How am I supposed to feel sorry for something that doesn't make sense?
-I mean, it's not like I did a rain dance. -Oh, my God.
You know what? It's-- It's appropriation.
You're not Native American.
It's like if someone who wasn't Cuban was appropriating Cuban things.
That doesn't bother me. I don't care. Look, for the record,
I have no problem apologizing when I believe I've done something wrong,
but you honestly want me to apologize for something if I don't even mean it?
In a perfect world,
you understand that what you did is wrong, you learn from it, and you apologize.
Okay?
It's fine.
All right, fine. I'll do it. You know, I--
-I don't push back like this, you know. -No, I know. I know.
Okay, and I'm sorry to be so combative, but it hurts to be this misunderstood.
Thanks for-- Thanks for coming in.
I don't even think the guy who tweeted it was Native American.
Okay. I'll see you downstairs.
-Oh, God. -He means well.
Look, can I bend your ear about something else?
Bend away.
What do you think about Daniel moderating the debate?
Everyone and their mother's been lobbying for this,
like I have some sort of choice to make.
We have to use Eric, obviously,
and Cory's made it clear that he wants it to be Alex.
It should be Noorean, by the way.
Best ratings on UBANC, warm and wonky.
But there can't be an equal number of candidates and moderators.
I'm sorry. There just isn't room for Daniel.
Daniel feels minimized on a grand scale, you know, relegated to the breezy stuff.
-And it-- -It's The Twist.
The breeze makes it twist.
Right, but it's not just the breezy stuff.
Daniel feels like he's only asked to report on diverse stories,
which, if we're being honest, don't get as much airtime.
He thinks this is a racial thing?
-A homophobic thing. -You know what?
I'm not gonna put words in his mouth, but I'll give you my opinion.
Okay.
Daniel Henderson can moderate this debate as well as anybody we have,
and he's got a really important perspective.
Not everyone can be John or Paul. Some people have to be Ringo.
There's no shame in that.
In my opinion, Daniel's reached the level of his charisma,
which, to be clear, is hosting the nine o'clock hour
on a major television network.
It's not exactly an insult.
He's really good.
Everybody who's made it to this level was the star somewhere else,
but in a universe full of stars, I don't think he has the "it" factor.
What's most important is that it's unique to you.
To who you are.
TV's, like, 90 years old.
The only thing you or anyone can do that hasn't been done before
-is offer their perspective. -I agree.
I think people want to know who you are.
Hey, great show today.
-Thank you. -Yes. Hell of a start, huh?
Yeah, amazing.
-Listen… -Yes?
About this debate…
I hear you don't want to do it.
But can I just tell you why we think it's so important?
You-- Yes.
It's not about drawing viewers,
because all eyes will already be on UBA that night,
but with all of our recent troubles,
it's imperative to show that we can still deliver good quality content.
And nothing says quality more than you, Alex, and you'll kill it.
And you'll get a ton of juice off of it.
You think I need juice?
I'm not particularly saying you need juice,
but, you know, who doesn't need some juice?
I think there are other people here with a lot more to prove.
-We very much appreciate the ask. -Yeah, but no.
Okay.
I hear you.
But just think about it, for me. That's all I ask.
Gonna let you guys get back to it.
Wow.
I mean, who is that punk that second-guesses every single thing I say?
-God. -Well, she's the president of UBA News.
Cory clearly thinks a lot of her,
because he paid a lot for DADA Media to absorb it and her into the network--
Don't talk to me like I'm an idiot.
I mean, seriously, where the fuck does she get off?
I'm supposed to listen to her? I have sweaters older than her.
Well, age and maturity aren't the same thing.
Chip, that's not what I'm saying.
She just hasn't-- She hasn't gone through enough shit.
You know, she hasn't had enough pain
to be bossing all of us around who have been through it.
You know, she just-- I don't know.
She's got this attitude about her like she's this arbiter of morality.
Okay, I think you might be rushing to judgment.
She thought bringing you back here was a crazy idea, which is bullshit.
-She thinks I shouldn't be here? -No, you should be here.
You're missing the point. She just doesn't get it.
Who else thinks that?
Nobody. Okay, never mind.
Chip, just forget that I said it. Please don't give it another thought.
I was just trying to make a point you weren't hearing fast enough.
It looks good.
He looks very credible.
Okay, I will translate.
Okay, so, here he's saying that the criminal justice system in Italy
was not written with women in mind.
Of course. So, I ask him
if there were any noteworthy examples
of men and women being treated differently.
And he says, yes, of course, there are many examples.
And so…
I'm bringing up Amanda Knox.
And that just got him talking and talking and talking.
And, you know, there is a lot of good stuff here.
Yeah, that was really smart.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It was.
Okay, keep watching, and the food will be ready soon.
Here are the noodles.
Here's the sauce. Enjoy.
That's it? Really?
-Well… -That's where the service stops.
Wow, you're two inches from the finish line,
and you're not gonna serve me.
-Well, I made the food. -Okay.
That's as grateful as I get.
Well, I am never coming back to this establishment.
The service is terrible.
And you took-- Look at how much you took.
-You left very little. -Come here.
-Don't do that. -You're so--
Here. The fork is in the drawer.
Our campaign is thinking big and not small.
So we'll see you tomorrow. Great job today. Thank you.
Did you talk to Stella?
I did. It's not in the cards this time.
We've got the Phoenix debate next month.
-If I were you, I would focus on-- -She said no? Did she say why?
Okay, well…
She loves you, but the network is looking to showcase
some other talents at this particular moment.
Okay, are they going with a different Black journalist?
A different gay journalist?
-Hey. Good night. -Good night.
I actually don't think it's what you're thinking.
Okay. So then what is it, then?
Stella doesn't think you have enough of the "it" factor.
-Enough of the "it" factor? -I probably shouldn't be telling you this,
but I think that Stella would prefer you think that she's blind to your charms
than she's a bigot.
A person could be blind to my charms because they are a bigot.
How'd you respond?
She knows I think she's being ridiculous.
Listen, Earl, don't overcomplicate this.
All I need you to do is find out what stories Fred's trying to plant,
where he's planting them, how he's doing it, and if we can stop them.
But nothing extrajudicial.
Yeah, okay. I'll get back to you.
Bradley.
If it isn't the pride of West Virginia and the 15th floor.
I don't know who's moderating.
I don't mean to sound full of myself, but that's beneath me now.
This isn't about that.
-Can I come in? -Yeah, sure.
Can I get you a drink?
No, I just wanna talk for a minute.
Something wrong?
No, no.
Are you gonna sit down?
Okay.
Look, I know that our friendship has suffered
over the last little bit with everything that's happened,
and I-- I'm not okay with that.
And I hope that you're not okay with that either.
No. No, I'm not.
But, hey, let's consider the slate wiped clean.
-That's it? -That's it. It was that simple.
Well, I don't want you to say that the slate is wiped clean
if the slate is not wiped clean,
because it sounds a little bit like you're trying to shut me up.
Bradley, I don't know who's moderating the fucking debate.
This is not about the debate, Cory.
If you're not gonna treat me like the CEO when you're furious at me,
please don't treat me like a CEO when you try to make up.
Okay, fine. I was pissed at you at New Year's Eve.
And I've been a little bit aggressive and abrasive towards you
for the past six weeks.
And I-- I wanna apologize.
And just because I'm abrasive
doesn't mean that I don't care about our fucking friendship.
All right, that wasn't any good. I-- Let me just try that again.
And don't look at me like that when I'm trying to do this.
I was not thrilled with you for the past month and a half.
But I have come to realize that I haven't been entirely fair about it.
Okay.
And I know that you're the CEO and that my needs aren't always…
that you can't have a direct line to all my needs and concerns,
-'cause you're juggling a lot. -I have been pretty good to you.
But I did have a reason to be angry. I hope that's not what you're saying.
-I am not saying that. Absolutely. -Can we just get the fuck over this, Cory?
Honestly.
Love is never being able to say you're sorry.
I'm sorry.
I really am sorry.
Oh, fuck.
This is it. This is just all part of the Bradley Jackson ride, isn't it?
You know I'm never gonna be your enemy.
I'm never going to let that happen. I only want what's best for you.
And for some inscrutable reason, you won't just trust that that's true.
I'm not saying I didn't do anything wrong. I did, and I'm sorry.
But I needed you to understand that I had my reasons.
And if you have an issue with me or with anybody in the future,
if you could just try to see your way to not assume the worst from me.
To not channel whatever it is that you're feeling through that
beautiful little anger prism that lives in your heart and makes you so exciting,
and know that I am there to help you solve,
or at least help you get through any problems.
I'm on your side.
Always.
Besides, I'm too old to have enemies.
It's weird when you're 51 years old and you got enemies. So…
Anger wasn't really what I was feeling.
Anger is just what I know what to do with.
But hurt…
And you didn't even do anything, specifically,
it just hurt because it was you.
As far as moderator goes--
-Oh, gosh, don't-- -No, I love that you want it.
But a lot of people want it, and Alex just came back.
She made a splashy return, so that's probably gonna happen.
And I don't see using two straight white women.
Thank you for telling me.
And I really-- I really appreciate everything you just said.
Well, you know where I live.
I do.
-Did you call? -No, I didn't.
I was excited to tell you what happened. And you said you weren't doing anything.
Well, then it's a good thing I was telling the truth.
-Drink? -No, I'm good.
But I wanted to tell you I took your advice,
and it went really well.
It did? You're getting the debate?
No, but we made up. Like, we actually made up.
-Well, that's good. -Yeah, it's good.
And we didn't even really talk about the debate.
He-- You know, he knew I was there to work him,
but he didn't really rake me over the coals about it.
And he offered a little context, but I didn't pursue it
because I didn't want to ruin everything with work.
But I get it.
There's a lot of factors at play, you know, business stuff, optics stuff,
and it make sense that Alex is gonna do it.
You know, you can't trot out two straight white women,
especially if Bloomberg is gonna be up there.
You're going to really need diversity to ask about stop and frisk.
Bradley, you just called yourself straight.
Yeah, that's because to most of the world, I am.
And why is that exactly?
Because most of the time I'm straight.
Isn't it sort of antiquated to try and nail this thing down so firmly?
Isn't sexually fluid a thing?
Is that what you're saying you are?
No, I'm not saying I'm anything.
I don't define every single thing I do. I'm a sexual person.
I once had a three-way with two men. Does that make me a--
A slut?
This is not funny.
Well… it's not funny to me, either.
Then why are you laughing?
Because I am amazed that you have it so easy and you make it so hard.
I have it easy?
What am I supposed to do, go into Stella's office and say,
"I'm a gay bisexual type. I want the debate. Now."
We're talking about a situation
where you being different can work to your advantage now.
I kept my private life to myself because I had to.
It was 1997, and it was painful.
And it sucked.
But I slowly, quietly tried to live a life that was more truthful.
Not with the world, but with my inner circle.
But people talk.
They're fascinated by who's gay and who's not for some fucking reason.
Next thing I know, YDA is handing me my walking papers.
-They fired you? -Of course they did.
Why would I have quit that job at that point in my career?
I mean, it wasn't explicit. They didn't literally hand me a pink slip.
But when you're not wanted, people find a way of letting you know.
And, I don't know,
I have to tell you there is something inside me
that wants to resent you for not being grateful for this.
I see someone who is walking the same path,
honestly, a path I helped lay.
And it's a little annoying, and I'm envious. That's it.
I lost a job for being gay. You should embrace it.
I mean, it's not like you would be lying.
I'm just not interested in using my identity like that.
I'm just not.
You're not interested in it-- it being your identity.
But you don't seem to mind…
identifying yourself as a Southerner.
What do you mean by that?
I think you grew up in a part of the country
that didn't accept people like me and possibly you.
And I think that you are repressed, if you want my honest opinion.
You know, this was a mistake.
Okay.
-Go live in your delusional world-- -I'm not delusional, Laura.
And I'm not a country bumpkin, and I'm not fucking repressed.
-You're gonna have to pay for that. -Well, you better start a tab.
'Cause I'm gonna be breaking a lot of shit around here. I'm not repressed.
I guess you'll have to find some other woman's vases to break then.
Fine. I'll start now.
How you feeling?
Like I'm about to eat shit for reasons I don't understand.
And you?
Like I'm always eating shit for reasons I don't understand.
At least you're not being accused of being racist.
I mean, I don't think I've used that phrase, "spirit animal,"
before, like, a week ago.
I thought that was just something people said.
People are so caught up in their own nonsense.
It takes up so much space in their head.
There's no room for anyone else unless they put 'em in these little boxes.
I get it. But what I don't understand is how'd they decide which box I belonged in?
That's the thing that's tying my brain in this Gordian knot.
Like, how did I become Daniel, the guy without the "it" factor?
Back in 30 seconds, people.
Well, I wish I could help,
but just about that time for Yanko, the racially insensitive Cuban weatherman,
to eat that shit.
Stand by, 1.
Take it, 1.
Vermont senator Bernie Sanders…
Mia, I have no clue why he called me,
but Bernadette Peters's agent just told me she's not gonna make it in time.
So much for special surprises.
Okay, let's just get a surprise at least.
Talk to Matt. Try to wrangle somebody who's already in the building.
-He'll know who's here this early. Hurry. -Got it. Got it. Okay.
What happened to COVID-18?
Hey, so Bullard is pre-taping right now upstairs with Stern.
-Shit. Yes. Brilliant. Yeah. -Okay. Yeah. It's on 8.
-Thank you. -Okay.
-What you doing? -Vermont senator…
I was telling her Bullard's doing a pre-tape with Stern.
Howard was talking about it last week, so…
Don't undermine me with my staff.
-…coverage tonight on UBA Evening News. -I was trying to help.
Then don't fucking undermine my authority.
Do you not want me here?
…illness caused by the novel coronavirus that's making its way across the globe.
COVID-19 is what they're calling it.
And that's your update for today in the eight o'clock hour.
Everything okay?
…135 people quarantined on the Diamond Princess.
Hunky dory.
-Not the vacation people had in mind… -Just need a new special guest.
Absolutely not. No.
Before we move on, you wanted to say something, Yanko?
Yes, I do. I do. So, back on Groundhog Day
I flippantly used the term "spirit animal"
to describe how I felt about Punxsutawney Phil, the groundhog.
And since then, it's been brought to my attention that,
as somebody without any Native American heritage,
that for me to use that term,
that it might be considered insensitive,
-as it misappropriates… -Of course he said "might be." Fuck.
…what many Native Americans, hold to be sacred,
culturally and spiritually.
Those who know me best, which I hope includes our regular viewers,
know that I-- I'd never say something that--
to intentionally make light of another culture,
and it pains me to know that…
-That's not gonna make #YankYanko go away. -…some of you…
You're done going easy on your weatherman.
-And for that I sincerely apologize. -I'm using your office.
And I will continue to try to learn and do better.
-Hey. Good morning, Cory. -All right.
So where do we stand on the moderators?
-This has to get done today. -Eric's a go.
So is Deena Pham from the Alt Weekly for the local angle.
-And? -I'm leading with what I know.
If you're asking about Alex, she won't do it.
I mean, I'll say it again, Noorean.
But if that doesn't do it for you, there's Daniel, Roger, Bradley.
They've all made it clear that they'd kill for it.
Jesus. God.
All I am trying to do is get us to mid-March in one fucking piece
so we can launch this streaming service, which the world is mad about,
like we're gonna force-feed them content to make human foie gras.
So if I can't count on you to do this, why did I give you the job?
You didn't have to sell us your company. You chose this shit. This is the job.
You know, I've been wondering the same thing myself.
Why did you bring me on?
What was the point if you weren't gonna listen to anything I say?
So you can parade an Asian woman around
and get the social capital from pretending you cared?
Don't just pay lip service to empowering me.
Either really do it or let me walk.
Alex was never my choice for anything. If that's who you want, do it yourself.
You are underestimating me, and you're underestimating Alex.
So cut that shit. Talent is talent.
And understanding that is an executive's only talent.
Generational talents on multi-year contracts
who happen to meet your exacting standards, good fucking luck.
So make this work now or don't.
And see who you're spiting.
Got it. Everything done the same by a young, Asian woman equals different.
Shit.
What?
-Yeah? -It's Earl.
Well, that was quick.
Didn't take long to see the genie wasn't going back in to retract the stories.
Just too many blogs, sites, papers, whatever.
It won't be the Times, but someone will publish.
People are rotten. It's why I have a business.
Only thing I can see doing, the extrajudicial being off the table,
is go directly to Fred,
which you didn't want me to do, correct?
Yeah. Thanks.
I'm looking forward to The Twist.
-Hey, you. -Hey.
-How you doing? -Good. Good.
-How are you? -Good, good.
-Just getting through the show. -Yeah.
With a lot of "Welcome back, Alex" over the top, but…
It's gotta be a lot. And then the debate prep is… That's--
Oh, yeah. No, I'm-- I'm not doing the debate.
-What do you mean? You turned it down? -I'm not doing it. I did.
And listen, if you want to do it,
I would throw yourself at it right now because she's like a dog with a bone. Sh--
Alex, you're up in a minute.
-To be continued. -Okay.
Gayle. Yeah, is Stella still here?
I saw her a minute ago.
-How much longer do I have? -About six minutes. Why?
I'll be right back.
Okay, we're back in seven seconds.
What's the pianist doing? Bernadette's not here. We killed the song.
Camera 2.
And we are so happy to have Alex back,
as you can tell from all the great guests we've had already this week.
-Daniel, what are you doing? -You know…
-Get back on script. -…it's an interesting time in America.
-What the hell is happening? -We, the people,
are asking tough questions.
-The fuck? -Our candidates…
-Isabella? -I had Howard Stern.
And we're just all looking to live…
-Stick with it. Stick with it. -Stick with it.
And when I think of the American dream…
I think of one person in particular.
And so this song is in her honor.
I don't see copy for this.
Far We've been traveling far
Good God.
Without a home
-Is this normal? -No.
But not without a star
Free Only want to be free
We huddle close
Hang on to a dream
On the boats and on the planes
They're comin' to America
Stella. Hey.
I have something to say.
Can you talk in my dressing room?
It won't take long. I have to be back on air in a minute.
-Sure. What the hell. -Great.
Yeah.
So…
-I want to talk to you about the debate. -Oh, Christ.
Look, I know everybody is coming at you, and I don't need to come at you too.
And I'm not gonna argue my political acumen
or my intellectual merits or any of that bullshit.
Quite frankly, I know that you want Alex to moderate the debate,
and I respect that, and I think she would be great.
However, I think that I can offer
a perspective that Alex doesn't and that Eric doesn't.
And… this is just something I barely acknowledge about myself
because, quite honestly, I just don't know how I feel about it.
But I want to be truthful.
I'm…
from a Southern, conservative family.
And I think it would be more inclusive if I asked questions
from the background of a person who comes from a…
conservative, Southern background,
I mean, you know, questions they might ask.
Today
-Yeah! -Yeah!
Today, today
Today
My country 'tis of thee
Sweet land of liberty
Of thee I sing
We should-- We should take him out for a drink later.
Of thee I sing
Today
-Stella. -Yeah? What's up?
I sent Unilever yesterday's TMS overnight.
-Uh-huh. -They just made a huge buy for Dove.
They hadn't bought since before Alex left.
Wow. That's-- Glad to hear it.
Big week for us. Is that Daniel singing?
But seriously, it's gonna be the best February sweeps since I've been here.
I think we'll get CPM up to 30% for the foreseeable, thanks to Alex.
Thanks to you.
Swing by later.
-I'll show you the numbers. -Okay, cool.
Today
Today!
Three, give me Daniel. Take 3. Four, wide. Take it, 4.
God!
-Cut to Alex. Cut to Alex. -Wow! What?
Oh, my gosh!
-Here comes Alex. Two, get her. -What on earth just happened?
-Daniel! Oh, my God! Daniel! -For you, Alex.
-Nice job. Stay with her. -That was incredible!
-Thank you for that. -Welcome back.
So sweet.
I mean, God, I knew you had a voice, but that was--
Oh, my gosh. Are you-- Bradley? Yanko?
-Hey, great show. -Thanks, man.
What the fuck was that, Bojangles?
Yeah!
Oh, my God. Stella, why are you doing this?
I'm giving you the answer that you want. I'm gonna tell Cory you tried. I promise.
Alex, I know you have way more experience than I do,
but you don't know what I want.
Because what I want in its broadest terms has very little to do with you.
What I want is to change things here.
Put yourself in my shoes. Alex. Alex, look at me.
Yes.
If you were me, wouldn't you want to start fresh?
-I suppose I would. -Okay.
I think we would all love to start fresh, but we don't all have that opportunity.
-Right. -I am what I am.
All right. Here it is.
I'm young. I get it.
-I'd be annoyed by me too, if I were you-- -No, no, no, no.
No, that's not why I'm saying no. Don't-- Don't even--
-Okay, just hear me out. -Yes, okay.
This place was a rotten mess, and you were living in it for 15 years.
I said it was a rotten mess. I said it.
I know I shouldn't lump you into the rotten mess,
because you tried to change it. You tried.
-Yes. -That's the same thing I want.
You tried. But the jury's still out as to whether or not you've succeeded.
And I'm here as a result.
-I'm sorry about that. -Excuse me.
Wow. Yes. Yes.
And I'm 33.
And, you know, I don't know the things I don't know.
I know that. But I do know some things that other people don't know,
and other people don't always want to know that.
-You know what I mean? -I do. Yep. No, I do. I do.
I know you don't want to or need to do this debate,
but I want you to do it.
And the reason why is because of exactly
what you did nine months ago here that changed everything,
that brought me here in front of you asking you to do this.
You earned a connection to the women of this country.
I'm not… I'm not quite sure that that's true.
It is. You mean something, Alex.
You do. As a leader, as a feminist. And I want you to be these things for me.
And, by the way, if you're looking for a brand, there it is.
I don't know why you don't want to take that mantle,
because nine months ago you opened a door, and you need to walk through it now.
And we both know that. Okay?
Okay.
Anyway, it was a great show today.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Hey, the professor you so kindly got me the interview with, he just called.
He has coronavirus.
I was with him for a few hours.
Now, I don't know if I did get it, if I could have given it to you,
but I was with you for a few hours in a car.
It's totally crazy. It's bad.
There are many cases, and it's everywhere.
Yeah. Fuck.
They are saying we have to quarantine.
And it's a long time to spend alone.
We could work on the documentary.
What do you think?
Hey.
I know I have a lot of nerve showing up here.
I got you this.
It's a gift card. $300.
I didn't know what to-- I-- Look, I don't know who I am.
I don't-- I know I'm a total pain in the ass,
but I just-- I want to tell you that
because I want you to know that I know that I am.
Please. Please.
I need a minute with Cybil, if I can get you to clear the room.
Thank you.
Well, this is a new one on me. I can only imagine.
I need your help.
Fred is planting nasty stories about Hannah Shoenfeld in the press.
I mean, it's gross. I don't care if her father is suing us.
Frankly, I understand. I--
Look, I get it. Losing a child is… unimaginable pain.
But it is not our responsibility to make it okay for this poor guy.
And trust me, it won't make it okay for him.
Nothing will. So, what do you want me to do about it?
I want you to talk to Fred and tell him to kill the stories.
He's not gonna listen to me, and you're friends--
That guy's not my friend.
The last time I talked to him,
he sat me down and told me that you were objectively the best business decision.
Now, I really don't think so.
You let the talent walk all over you, if you can call Bradley Jackson talent,
and you pushed us hard to pay out Fred
rather than have a truly independent investigation.
That brings up all sorts of questions.
Questions I don't need answered.
This is a business, not a morality play.
So don't lay that trip on me.
If the stories he's planting aren't true,
then the girl's family will have a hell of a libel case on their hands.
The fact that you showed up here rather than calling Fred directly
tells me everything I need to know about why Fred pushed so hard for you
when he clearly hated you with a passion.
Two shitty peas in one shitty pod.
I guess it's time to face the fact that actions have consequences,
and I keep my temple clean.
So whatever those consequences are is really none of my business.
Give my regards to Fred.