Listen up, troops! Today, is Vasquez's Bodyguard-aversary.
Vasquez has been Remy's bodyguard for--
[muttering] One... two... Remy's whole life!
Nyeh! Exactly! This is supposed to be a surprise party,
so Vasquez cannot find out.
Everyone knows their jobs, right?
Sir, yes, sir!
You don't have to worry about us, brother.
We're on it. Tilly ho!
And what about you, Dad?
You know what you're supposed to do?
Of course! But just in case,
why don't you run me through it again.
Argh! All right. I've given you the most important job of all.
Distract and deliver.
Right. Now, what does that mean?
Dad, Remy and I are going to get party supplies,
so we need you to distract Vasquez
and deliver him to Remy's house at 6:00.
That's a lot of responsibility. I'm not sure I can handle--
- [knock on door] - We're here!
It's us, Remy and Vasquez!
Remy! Yah! My good pal!
How the heck are ya? [awkward chuckle]
- Seriously, how the heck are ya? - A little stressed!
But it'll all be worth it.
Okay, we're going to play in Cricket's room.
Vasquez, why don't you get to know Mr. Green a little better?
I'm sure you two have a lot in common.
- Byee! - Son!
What do I tell Vasquez if he asks what you two are up to?
Just say we're in my room.
But what if he asks more questions?
- I'm not a good liar! - No, but luckily, I am.
So, here's my advice. When in doubt, just roll with it!
And that should keep him distracted.
But if you run into trouble,
I borrowed Gramma's phone so you can give me a call.
All right. I won't let you down, son.
I know you won't. Vasquez.
Vasquez, why don't I show you some... thing.
And you can angle it this way, and chip this, like so.
Yeah, I've been whittlin' for years. Matter of fact,
in high school they called me "Whittle Caesar."
The boys are unusually quiet. I must go check on them.
Wait! The boys will be fine. Let's just hang out.
- [bangs] - What? Where are the boys?
In Cricket's bedroom! Hm?
- I mean, not here. - [beeping]
That sounds like Master Remy's smart watch.
Without him wearing this, I can't trace him.
Forgetful boys. They probably just forgot.
On account of bein' so forgetful.
- Now, c'mon, why don't we-- - [Vasquez] No!
This is no accident. There can only be one explanation.
The boys have been taken!
- Did you say taken? - Isn't it obvious?
Why else would they just suddenly disappear?
- Uhh... - When in doubt,
just roll with it... roll with it... roll with it.
Yes... they've been... taken.
- Hot diggity! - Uhh--
Then, what are we waiting for?
- We must rescue them! - [bangs]
[Bill] Aah!
Okay, Cricket, I've made us a detailed agenda.
- Love a good agenda! - We have a few simple things
to accomplish today. Number one, balloons.
Number two, ice cream. Number three?
Throw the most painstakingly perfect party ever!
- [gasping] - Whoa, easy, Remy.
[sighs] Sorry, Cricket, but I just want everything
to be perfect for Vasquez.
Are you sure your dad can handle his job?
Of course! He's the most dependable one in the family.
He's always got both feet on the ground.
Well, we really are up in the air, aren't we? [chuckles]
I guess a little side trip won't hurt.
We'll just circle the city a few times and then--
Oh, my gosh! Is that the ocean?!
Vasquez, where are we going?
- Enemy territory. - Enemy territory?
Who exactly do you think took the boys?
My most dangerous foes-- The Order of The Fang.
They must have taken Remy to get to me,
and your son was swept up in the process.
Hold on, I'm sure there's another rea--
Computer, launch Autopilot.
- Time to jump, Mr. Green. - Jump?!
Don't forget to pull the cord before you land.
Distract and deliver, Bill.
Aah!
Oof! Ohh...
I was thinkin', what if someone else took the boys?
Heck, I bet it was someone back in Big City!
You know, Nancy's a real prankster--
- Shh! - [jungle sounds]
You think we can wrap this up in a half-hour or so?
[metal shearing]
[grunts]
[men grunt]
You've gone too far, this time, Viper Fang.
[hisses] You've got a lot of nerve coming back here
after what you did to the Order, Tiger Fang!
What's happening?
You know I no longer answer to that name.
You will refer to me only as Vasquez!
Now, fellas, I'm sure we can just talk this out.
- Yah! - Okay, never mind.
Gotta update Cricket. - [line ringing]
- Grr! - Oh, uh, phone call.
- Yah! - [Cricket on phone] Hi, Dad.
Boy howdy, you would not believe--
[Cricket] Sorry, hang on a sec.
So, you're tellin' me a place called
Every Balloon Ever doesn't have a single
"Happy 10 Year Bodyguard-aversary" balloon?
I don't make the balloons, kid, I just blow 'em up.
Who even has a bodyguard, anyway?
I do! And you're gonna honor your store's name,
even if I have to make you hand-draw 600 balloons
until your wrists turn to dust!
Sorry about that. Remy's gettin' a little intense.
Hope things are goin' better on your end.
- Funny you should bring that up. - [explosion]
- Things are actually-- - [Remy] Periwinkle, I said!
Vasquez's favorite color is periwinkle!
I gotta go, Dad. Remy's gone full Bridezilla.
- See you at six! - [ends call]
Four-fifteen. Cuttin' it a little close, Bill.
If I can distract just a little longer,
I should be able to deliver him by six.
- [Fang members groaning] - Oh. You got 'em all!
Viper Fang ran off toward the dungeon.
That must be where he's keeping the kids.
Well, that just sounds un-swell.
Strange time for a phone call, Mr. Green.
Who were you talking to?
Uh, telemarketer. They always call at the worst times.
Hey, didn't you say somethin' about a dungeon?
Let's go check that out!
Hmm.
- [door creaks] - Welp, big empty room!
I don't see anybody-- Jiminy Christmas! A skeleton!
But, uh, thankfully, it's not Cricket or Remy.
So, we can just turn back and--
- [muffled] - Not so fast, Mr. Green.
Ever since the boys went missing,
you've been acting very strange.
Your abnormally high perspiration
makes you extra suspicious.
Heh, basements are always so stuffy.
There's only one explanation...
You're a secret Fang operative!
I can explain-- Wait, what?
That's why you lured me here.
What other explanation could there possibly be?
- Uhh... - Just roll with it.
Ye... Ya got me, Vasquez.
Got my membership card in my billfold!
They call me, uhh, Moose Fang!
Well, you found me out, so it looks like
you'll just have to take me back to Big City.
[Vasquez] I've got a better idea, Moose Fang.
I'd rather leave you here for a long, long time.
- [key rattles in lock] - Wait! What about the kids?
I'll find them on my own.
[straining] What am I gonna do?!
I can't die in a dungeon!
- [phone rings] - Oh, my gosh! Hello!
[Cricket] Please tell me you're on your way with Vasquez.
Things have gotten really bad with Remy!
Cricket! Which flavor do you think Vasquez will like?
"I Can't Believe It's Not Butterscotch"
or "Cake, Cookie, Brownie, Take Away The Frownie"?
Just taste 'em again, buddy!
It's ice cream. How hard can it be?
- [splats] - Extremely hard!
Vasquez's taste buds must experience nirvana!
Bring on the next flavors, dairy jockey!
[cries]
Oh, I need some good news.
Please, tell me you're on your way.
Um, actually son, I don't think we're gonna make it.
[Cricket] What are you talkin' about?
Turns out, I'm not very good at distracting,
and I'm especially not good at deliverin'. Just like I thought.
Listen, Dad, I picked you for the most important job
'cause out of all the members of the Green family,
you're the most dependable. No matter the difficulty,
you always figure out a way to come out on top.
I hear ya, loud and clear, Cricket.
- [Lloyd] Ow! - Oh! Gotta run.
Remy just taste-tested the ice cream guy's hand.
I believe in you, Dad!
- Thanks, son, I won't let you-- - [call ends]
Oh, he hung up. All right, what do we got?
Some rocks... more rocks... even more rocks.
Just a bunch of rocks. I guess that makes sense
for an underground jail cell. You got any ideas?
[clatters]
Why didn't I think of that?!
[grunting]
- [door creaks] - Whittle Caesar, does it again!
Vasquez! Vasquez! Oh, he's not here!
Think, Bill, where could he have gone?
- [fighting in distance] - Hm?
Oh, my gosh!
You've lost your edge. You must be getting old.
I don't know why you came back, but I'll enjoy thrashing you.
Give me what is mine, or you shall feel my full wrath!
I don't know what you're talking about, but come get it!
Cobra dart attack!
[grunting]
- [crunches] - Aah!
Ooh! [gasps] He's okay! Kind of...
[evil laugh] Hi-yah!
Come on, Bill Green, think of somethin'!
Mm! Ah! Okay, new plan.
Hmm...
Yah!
Any last words, Tiger Fang?
I've told you before, my name is--
Vasquez! [chuckles] Smooth as a--
- [rattles] - Tractor. Get in!
You think I'd ever-- Unh! Trust you-- Wahoo! Moose Fang.
No, I lied to you, Vasquez, and I'm sorry.
So, I'm coming clean. The truth is--
Oh, my gosh! What is that thing?!
- What? - What? Wait, I don't see any--
Huh! Whoa!
Distract and deliver!
You can't run forever, Tiger Fang!
Stay in your hiding positions! Vasquez'll be here any minute!
What's taking them so long? They should be here by now!
Remy, they're probably just being fashionably late.
This is gonna be the worst Bodyguard-aversary
anyone has ever thrown! [cries]
Gramma.
I just need a little one to tide me over.
You may as well eat them all!
It's 6:01, and Vasquez and Mr. Green are never--
Aah!
Your tricks won't save you now, Moose Fang!
Surprise!
Huh? What? Master Remy!
Happy Bodyguard-aversary, Vasquez!
A party? For me? You even got periwinkle balloons!
- So, this was your secret? - Ohh...
Thank you, Mr. Green. Sorry I almost ended you.
Ah, no big deal. I just rolled with it.
I knew you could do it, Dad!
Son, wow! You would not believe the day that I've had--
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm sure you had it real tough.
but did you have to deal with Remy all day?
[Remy] Cream puffs?! Vasquez only eats puffed creams!
Aah!
No, son. No, I did not.
♪ I got sweat in my eyes ♪
♪ Lost a bet and got bit By a hundred flies ♪
♪ I fell out a big ol' tree ♪
♪ Hit every branch and Scraped up both my knees ♪
♪ I got chased by dogs Licked by a frog ♪
♪ Got a rash on my legs Dropped a dozen eggs ♪
♪ I got splinters In seven of ten ♪
♪ And tomorrow I'll do it all again. ♪