[theme song plays]
♪ One, two One, two, three, four ♪
[vocalizing]
[chicken clucks]
See, the trick is to buy Halloween costumes in the off-season.
That's three Halloweens all for the price of one.
Wow, Dad, you're so good at saving money, it's scary.
[chuckles] Boo!
I'm going to use these propsand costumes for my newest play:
The Specter of Affection.
Sounds great. I love the theater.
Who doesn't?
The bright marquees.
The happy theatergoers.
The scalpers selling definitely real tickets.
All these people have been movedto joy by they power of theater.
- Yeah. Except those people. - Hm?
[man] Stupid standby line.
I'm so bored of waiting for the theater.
If only someone could bring the theater to us.
Remy, start memorizing your lines.
We are putting on a show.
Ooh.
You know, it's not often we get errands done
without going on a wacky adventure.
-It's kind of nice to-- -Stop. Look.
It's all my favorite superheroes.
Dr. Robot. The Incredulous Bulk.
America Rat.
They're all here for realsies.
We got to go meet them. Come on, Dad.
Oh, right behind you, son.
If I wanted to see a hero wearing pantyhose,
I could just look in a mirror.
[laughs]
You're funny. Funny and mean.
- You're my new co-host. - Co-host for what?
My show. I go around and talk about stuff I hate.
- Sounds awful. - You're perfect.
- Let's go. - Ah!
Remy, do you swearthe performer's oath
that we shall dowhatever it takes
to bring a smile to everyone's face?
Oh, I'm not allowed to swear.
- Just say yes. - Yes.
It was the summer of my debutante debut,
and I, Honeybelle Sweet Tea,
was to be wed.
But my father did not approve,
as my beloved Buford was a ghost.
Ooh!
Oh, foul fortune. How could you--?
- Boo! - Hey, that's my line.
Um, excuse me, why are you booing?
Ghosts are boring. I don't like it.
If this kid doesn't like the play,
we'll miss the opportunity to bring him joy.
What do we do, Tilly?
Instead of a ghost, what would you like to see, sir?
Airplane.
So it would make you happy
if the love interest was an airplane?
- Yes. - Well, you heard the man, Remy.
The show must go on.
[lips sputter]
[chuckles]
And we got it. Thanks for the photo.
Yup. If you're ever looking for a sidekick,
you know how to contact me.
Oh, uh...
Well, we'll keep you in mind.
- [voices giggling] - Huh? Oh, no.
- What's wrong? - It's them.
[laughter]
- Who are those guys? - Our mortal enemies!
[feet crashing]
[laughter]
Croblins!
- Run! - [all scream]
- Aw. - What?
[Tuck] Welcome back to I Hate It.
I'm here with Alice,
and she's going to tell us how it is.
- Fire hydrants? - City pimples.
- Pigeons? - Trash parrots.
Evan the camera guy.
Sweaty and desperate.
Hey!
- Correct. - Yes!
Three for three.
Now come on, let's keep moving.
There's a whole city of stuff to hate.
- Oh, yeah! Evan, move it! - [sighs]
Knew I shouldn't have worn this turtleneck.
Oh, providence divine.
They said that love between a woman
and a mid-size commercial airliner cannot be.
And so we must...
fly away together.
- [lips sputtering] - Huh?
[yawns]
The changes to the playaren't working.
The audience is still bored.
What are we going to do?
We are going to stick to our oath
and make sure our playbrings everyone joy.
- Whoa! - And now for a brief intermission.
Ah!
Ugh, even looking at my watch is getting boring.
Excuse me, we're conducting a brief survey
about your theater experienceso far.
Anything different you'd like to see in act two?
Well, some singing might be nice.
Okay. What else?
- What about a sword fight? - More wigs.
The actors come into the audience, and tickle them.
- [boy 1] Rollerblades! - [boy 2] Political intrigue!
[overlapped shouting]
Oh, what a wonderful photo.
You have filled my sweet round son with joy.
Please take all mein deutsche marks.
[cackling]
Well, we had a good run.
What the heck's going on? Those Croblins stole your spot.
Are you going to let them get away with that?
Yes, absolutely.
They may look cute, but those Croblins
are the true villains of Times Circle.
They hog the bestsidewalk.
And keep all the tourists' tips to themselves.
Are you kidding? They look totally harmless.
Hey, you know what? I'll go talk to them for you.
What? No.It's too dangerous.
Yeah! Go get 'em, Dad.
Okay, so good so far.
He's pointing back at us, and--
Oh, they took his hat.
Oh, man, yeah, they're playing keep-away with him.
Oh, Dad, no, that's what they want you to do.
And, yup, they tabletopped him.
It's just plain rude.
All right, enough messing around.
You three are superheroes. You can take those guys easy.
Kid, you know we're not actually superheroes, right?
Oh. Oh, no.
My dude, really?
These are just costumes, dawg. You knew that, right?
You know superheroes aren't real, right?
My guy? For serious?
My man out here thinking movies is real?
Are you crying?
No! Whatever! Who cares?
What's important is that even if you're not real superheroes,
you can still stand up for yourselves.
- Yeah, but we don't want to. - Fine.
If you three won't be superheroes, then I will.
Okay, Remy.
We've surveyed the audience
and now know exactly what they want.
You made a lot of changesto the script.
Are you sure it all makes sense?
I am sure it will bring them joy.
Now get changed and get out there.
Hey, everybody, I'm Hot Doug.
And I'd like you all to meet my beautiful son,
Douglas, Jr.
I'm daddy's little bratwurst.
Let's get it... Dijon.
Oh!
[Tilly] Not so fast.
[muttering]
I am a kitty cat.
Prepare to die.
Hm?
No one's smiling?
How is that possible?
Excuse me.
[muttering]
I don't get it.
Why aren't you enjoying the play?
I don't really understandwhat's happening.
Yeah, it's kind of all over the place.
It's a train wreck. And not the good kind.
Sorry for wastingyour time.
[mutters]
- Mm. - Pack it up, Remy.
- Play's over. - What?
- But what about the finale? - Forget it.
I gave them everything they said they wanted,
and I still couldn't make anyone happy.
All I've done is make myself reverse-happy.
You mean sad?
You always have the right words, Remy.
[grunts]
- [laughing] - Hang on, Dad.
A hero has arisen.
[imitates air whooshing]
Don't worry.
You're going to a better place.
Hand me the rest, Remy.
Whoa! That superhero lookeda lot like Cricket.
Oh, great, what are you up to now, kid?
I'm here to help you vanquish those villainous Croblins.
We already told you, we're not real heroes.
Yeah, you cried about it, remember?
Lots of stuff happened, okay?
Listen, it doesn't matter if you're real heroes or not.
I believe in you.
So now all you've got to do is believe in yourself
and do what you think is right.
Do what I think is right?
I was so focused on what other people thought,
I stopped believing in myself.
Remy, we are putting on a show.
The original version.
- No changes this time. - [gasps]
So, what do y'all say?
I say you've got a point.
This is America.
Everyone should have an equal opportunity
to swindle money from tourists.
-Well, that's not---So let's go get those Croblins!
- [both] Yeah! - There you go.
- Huh? - Showtime.
- [Croblins laughing] - [groaning]
Hey, Croblins.
Your days of ruling the sidewalk
and harassing adult men are over.
Oh, yeah? What are you going to do about it?
Sidewalk superheroes charge!
Father, how could you be so cruel?
Buford may be dead, but he makes me feel so alive.
[both grunting]
[yelling]
[Tilly] I'd like to see you marry my daughter behind bars.
Ooh!
Father, you fool.
He is intangible.
- Please let me go. - [Croblin cackling]
Bulk snatch!
Ew, why are you wet?
Ew, ew, gross!
I'm free!
Perhaps your fatheris right.
Woman and ghost can't be together.
That's just the thing.
For I was a ghost all along!
Wh-Wh-What?
Honey Belle, why didn't youtell me sooner?
For tension.
And they died happily ever after, the end.
[yawns]
Wow, what a rush.
Remy, you were great.
I was just riding off the energyyou brought to the scene.
Though it doesn't seem likeanyone actually liked it.
It's impossible to please everyone.
But as long as you like what you make,
that's all that matters.
Hey, everyone, the line's moving.
[all chatter]
I see a lot of theater,
and I must say this play was adelightful avant-garde aperitif.
I was going to give these roses to the star of today's show,
but I want to give them to you instead.
I no longer crave your validation,
but I do appreciate it.
Oh, okay, I'll just keep these then.
Gimme.
[all grunt and groan]
It's over, losers.
You go back to that garbage, where you belong.
It ain't over yet.
I still have one more trick up my sleeve.
[chanting in foreign tongue]
I've heard of war and peace,
but this is war and please make it stop.
Am I right, Alice?
You'd better muzzle your grill
if you know what's good for you.
I hate plenty of things, but my family ain't one of them.
I'm out!
My only friend, gone.
[grunting]
Guys, now, while they're distracted.
- Huh? - [grunting]
America Rat!
[all moaning]
Oh, my gosh.
They're just a couple of teenagers.
And one old man?
And I would've gotten away with it
if it weren't for that meddling kid.
Come on, Dustin. Come on, Chance.
Let's get out of here.
[all grunt]
[yelling]
We did it, everyone.
The block is ours.
Wow, hey, look at these superheroes.
- Can we get a picture? - Line up, everyone.
Kid Cricket takes cash or card.
- Don't even think about it. - Respect.