♪♪
[theme music playing]
One, two! One, two, three, four!
♪ La la la la la la la la ♪
♪ La la la la la ♪
[chicken squawks]
Look alive, Cricket.
The boss, Ms. Cho, will be here any minute.
Okay-doke. What do you think
Ms. Cho's big announcement's gonna be, Gloria?
I don't know. Maybe I'll get a competent co-worker for once.
Unh! I, for one, hope we get some new T.P.
This one-ply is chafing my hiney.
- [door opens] - [Ms. Cho grunts]
Oh, hey, Ms. Cho.
- [grunting] - Hey! Ho! Hi!
Thank you for the flattering introduction, Ms. Cho!
My name is Donny Tinselton.
I'm a retired movie director,
and a close chum of Miriam's.
Ahem. I mean, Ms. Cho.
We used to work in the pictures together.
And what a dazzling star you still are.
- [flirty grunts] - Hoh-hoo-hoo!
[uncomfortable groans]
Anyhoo, I'm here to shoot a commercial for Big Coffee!
[both] A commercial?!
Big Coffee is about to start selling jelly doughnuts,
and we want the world to know.
I want this commercial to look natural,
so I need actors who look plain and simple.
Like a rock.
Lucky for me, you two fit the bill!
Take a look at the script for me, would ya?
Try not to be too intimidated by me, Cricket.
In college, I took an acting class.
Okay, little boy, try the first line.
Okay, let's see here.
Ahem. We now carry scrumptious jelly doughnuts.
Oh, that's dynamite!
And your line is, "Made fresh every day."
Okay. [dramatically] Made...
No. No, wait. [British accent] Made...
Ugh! ♪ Maaaade ♪
[sinister] Made...
Let me stop you right there.
That was terrible. You're out.
However, you...
- you've got "it." - Wow!
I'm gonna give you both lines,
because just look at ya!
Those overalls-- dynamo!
No shoes? No problem!
And that hair! It's your statement piece!
Son, you've got kapowie!
- Kablowie? - Kapowie!
Kazowie?
Kapowie!
Oh. Is that good?
Is that good? It's the best!
It's what sets you apart from these other clowns.
Yeah, I'm just gonna go on a break.
Okay, bye, Gloria.
Well, I could just jump right over the moon!
Cricket Green, a star!
Great. Now, be back here by 5 P.M.
to shoot the commercial, and be camera-ready.
Ha! You kiddin' me?
This kapowie's always camera-ready.
- [door opens and closes] - What a firecracker that one is.
[suspenders creak]
Who's this entering from stage left?
Another child!
Yes, I heard through the grapevine
you were shootin' a commercial?
May I be in it?
Why, sure! We need background actors
to fill the cafe.
You will be Girl Eating Doughnut.
Hmm, I accept.
You will not be disappointed.
'Scuse me. I must get into character.
You really don't have to!
She's not your kid, is she?
[funky music]
Kapowie!
- Hey, I like your style, kid. - Me, too.
Dang heavy mirror. Smooth moves, kid!
Cwicket, high-five!
[both] La-la-la-la-la!
You're the man, Cwicket Gween!
And you have excellent taste.
[TV announcer] Great news!
Milk Hat now comes in a full gallon!
Now you can enjoy
even more cool frosty milk on the go!
Thanks, Milk Hat!
Should I get a Milk Hat?
Hmm...
Ha ha! Y'all better get used to this view,
'cause this little country boy
just got cast for a Big City commercial,
and it's all because I got kapowie!
Kapowie? Better put some ointment on that.
My boy, a genuine star!
Yep! Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm off to get camera-ready,
which is fancy talk for gettin' purty.
I'm back!
Tilly, you picked up doughnuts!
Well, aren't you the sweetest-- Ow!
These doughnuts are a part
of my creative process.
I will eat as many as it takes to become...
[dramatic music]
Girl Eatin' Doughnuts.
Oh! Ooh!
Ow!
Lookin' good, Mr. Kapowie.
- [doink] - Huh?
Rrr! Well... [slurp]
nothin' a little mouth grease can't fix.
There he is.
Mmm!
You want to be difficult, huh?
- [buzzing] - Fine!
All right, easy, Cricket.
Patience and precision.
[dramatic music]
[doink]
Yaaaaah!
Uh, Tilly, what are you doin'?
Tryin' to find my character.
Feed me my line, please.
Uh, I thought you didn't have any lines.
You mean a doughnut?
While I'm still within the scene, please.
Ahh! Mmm!
Mmm!
No! That was all wrong!
My character would never bite so recklessly.
Hand me another. Ah!
Hello there, family.
You wouldn't know where we, uh-- [cough]--
keep the glue, would ya?
Why do you need the glue, son?
[laughs] Oh, you know, crafts and such.
Oop! Heh heh heh.
Son, you're sweatin' an awful lot.
Let me turn the fan on.
- Dad, wait! - [roaring]
Nooooo!
[guffawing]
Don't look at me!
No one look at me!
I think it looks real good, son!
Ma, did you really have to laugh that hard?
Yes.
[panting] Ooh!
Hey, watch where you're goin', twerp!
Wha--?! But that guy liked my style before!
- [thump] - Smooth moves, kid.
[groaning]
Cwicket, high-five!
Benny, you do not know how much I need this--
Two swow, gotta go.
But I'm never too "swow."
Aah! Without my perfect hair,
I don't have any kapowie.
I gotta get my hair fixed before the shoot tonight!
I need... a hair professional.
[Tilly] I don't care... [munching]
...how many doughnuts I have to eat.
I will find my character!
[groans]
None of these are right.
Well, maybe Girl Eatin' Doughnut
eats her doughnuts like this!
[gasp]
[groans]
Don't you think you're goin'
a little overboard here, Tilly?
After all, you are just an extra.
You think Girl Eatin' Doughnut is just an extra?
Well, I mean, yes?
Girl Eatin' Doughnut is misunderstood,
sophisticated, and a patriot!
Are you disrespecting a patriot?!
Sir, no, sir!
Then go out there and get me more doughnuts!
Sir, yes, sir!
[panting]
You woulda done well in the war.
I've gots a hair emergency!
- Huh?! Aah! - Aah!
Sweet hairs above! It's hideous!
Please, I've gotta get this mess on my head
fixed before five!
We're not going anywhere near that head!
You call yourselves hair stylists?!
I will take the boy!
You really gonna help me?
Yes, child, and I'll do it free of charge.
- For you... - [music]
...shall be my greatest challenge yet.
- [disco music] - Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
Hmm...
[stylist grunts] [exhales]
Hoo!
It is done.
Aah!
I'm sorry. There's nothing more I could do.
I should have known that going in,
but I'm an optimist!
I'm practically bald!
I can't go out like this!
You gotta do somethin'!
Well, I might have one other idea.
[funky music]
Wig kapowie.
[barking]
Huh! Whoa!
Oh, no! It's okay!
A little muddy, that's all!
[truck horn blaring]
Heh! It's all right. It's still good!
[cawing]
- [ominous note] - I'm doomed.
Rehearsal time, everyone!
Ooh! Is that a new kind of picture camera?
How do they make it so small?
Uh, technology?
[laughing]
Technology.
Here's a nickel for that laugh.
Heh! Hey, everyone!
I'm here for the rehearsal.
- [cawing] - Aah!
Why won't you stop tormenting me?!
Oh, there goes the last little bit of it.
- Mmm. - Goodness gracious me!
Where'd your statement piece go?
Uh, no matter.
As long as you've still got your kapowie.
Is the extra ready?
- [weakly] Ready. - Good, good, good!
Now, remember, small boy, your line is,
"We now carry scrumptious jelly doughnuts
made fresh every day."
And... action!
[gulp] We--
We now carry scrumpunch-- Scrimnas?
No, flumptious. Aah! Let me try that again.
The line is, "We now carry scrumptious jelly doughnuts
made fresh every day."
Yes, yes! I got it now!
We now carry scrumptious smelly--
Not smelly! Not smelly!
Aah! Skip this line! We'll come back to it!
- [groaning] - Made fresh every spray.
Aah! Jelly doughnuts?!
Jelly doughnuts!
Cut! Sorry, kid!
You used to have "it."
But now you don't got "it,"
and I need "it."
[screaming] Get it?!
Just to be clear, "it" is kapowie, right?
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Now shoo!
Another child star burns out.
What a shame. What a shame!
Oh! And now I've worked myself up into a tizzy!
Towel girl!
Why, thank you. Hey, I like your look.
- What's your name? - I'm Gloria.
I auditioned this morning and you rejected me?
Well, things have changed, and we need a star.
You're back, baby!
[gasping]
[sigh]
Well, I blew it, Tilly.
I used to be such a confident, cool guy,
and now that I've lost my hair,
I'm nothing.
No, Cricket, that's not true.
If there's one thing I've learned today,
it's that it doesn't matter if a doughnut is glazed
or powdered or "covered in sprinkles,"
they've always got jelly on the inside!
What are you talkin' about doughnuts for?
Talk about me!
[groans] All right, we don't have much time,
so listen close.
You're the doughnut, Cricket.
The jelly is your kapowie.
Your appearance doesn't matter.
It's what's on the inside that counts.
Now, if you'll excuse me-- [urp]
I'm the doughnut?
[gasp]
I'm the doughnut!
All right, let's get started.
Miriam, be my muse once more
- for old times' sake. - [flirty grunts]
All right! Go time!
Action!
[spotlight echoes]
-We now carry-- -Stop the presses!
- I gotta say somethin'! - Seriously?!
Say, point that camera down at me, would ya?
Hup! Ah!
All this time, I thought my hair
is what gave me kapowie,
but I now realize my hair doesn't define me.
I may not have the topping you all know and love,
but I am full of the same kapowie jelly
I've always had!
If you cut me open, it'll all flow out!
- [clapping] - There he is!
That's the firecracker I met this morning!
You've got your kapowie back!
And now you can go back to being the towel girl!
Isn't that great, Gloria?
Ugh! Whatever.
Now what do you say we get this ball rolling, huh?
Lights, camera, action!
[Donny] Are you in the mood for some friendly service,
hot coffee, and perhaps being in the presence of an angel?
Well, come on down to Big Coffee!
We now carry scrumptious jelly doughnuts
made fresh every day.
[Donny] So come on down to Big Big Big Big Big Coffee!
Am I gettin' paid for this?