[theme song plays]
♪ One, two, One-two-three-four ♪
[vocalizing]
[chicken clucks]
- [phone rings] - [chicken clucking]
Get outta here, ya dang chicken!
Hello. Who is it?
I told you to quit callin'!
There's no way Cricket Green has a girlfriend.
Gramma, no! Gimme that. Hello?
Cricket! Hey!
Well, if it isn't Gabriella Carlita Espinosa,
my girlfriend!
It's finally happened. I'm losin' it.
Ernest, I'm comin' for ya.
- I'm comin' for ya! - So what's up, Gabs?
[Gabriella] Well I just got back from Montreal,
And I was wondering if you wanted to hang out.
Let's do it! Wait... No mushy stuff, right?
No, gross!
I just wanted to see the new America Rat movie.
♪ "America Rat! He'll save your babies... ♪
♪ Without spreading rabies!
Ha-ha! Let's go see it tonight!
Great! The only thing is...
my parents can't take me tonight,
and they won't let me go without a chaperone.
Do you know anyone who could take us?
- Hmmm... - [Bill sighs]
You're supposed to get rid of anything
that doesn't spark joy.
But every single one of you guys sparks joy to me!
I know just the guy.
See you soon! Hey, Dad!
Can you drive me and Gabriella to the movies later?
- Who's Gabriella? - She's my girlfriend!
- [stunned efforts] - Yeah, she's real fun and cool
and likes doin' pranks with me.
Anyway, you wanna chaperone?
Me? Of course! I'd be happy to!
So, you gonna get her flowers?
Have romantic music?
Eat gourmet food?
Nah, we're gonna see America Rat!
[hisses] America Rat.
But you can see a movie any ol' time.
- A first date is supposed to be special. - No, no, no. It's not a date.
It's just a boyfriend and a girlfriend seeing a movie!
Anyway I gotta go get ready. [slurps]
Holy cow. Cricket's got a date.
My son has come to me
to chaperone this special evening.
Bill Green, you're gonna give these two
the best first date ever!
[laughs]
Gabriella!
♪ Gonna see Gabriella Gonna see Gabriella ♪
♪ Gonna see... Uh...
Your chariot awaits!
Uh... Dad?
What's with all of this?
I just want to look nice for your "not date".
And I already regret asking you to chaperone.
- Maybe Gramma can... - Oooh, don't worry.
I'm just here to drive you from point A to point B
and make sure everything is absolutely perfect.
[coughing and chocking]
Ah! Dad! What is that?
Ooh, just a little cologne and breath spray.
Oh... Ohhh!
- [hacking and gagging] - Uh, come on son.
Let's get in the truck.
Hey, Gabs! This is my... dad.
Try not to make eye contact.
Enchanté.
I am your chaperone chauffeur.
- 'Sup? - [Cricket] Dad, please, never do that again.
Would you kids like some music?
No, thanks. And you're doing it anyways.
- [love song plays] - So which America Rat sequel is your favorite?
- What? - Which sequel is your favorite?
- What?! - I said... [groans]
Sorry about that. You were sayin'?
Well, if I had to choose,
-I'd say... -♪ You and me
♪ Are gonna be
- ♪ An item forever -[groans]
[Gabriella] Yeah... so...
I really like America Rat 7, Part 2 and a half...
-♪ And I love, love -Oh yeah, that's a good one... No!
[Cricket] Well, I'd say my favorite America Rat
is the one where Canada Cat... [shouts] turns Times Circle
- into a giant litter box and... - [song continues]
[singer vocalizing]
[Singer] I love you.
So, what do you think this song's about?
Hey, look! There's the movie theater!
That's two hours of uninterrupted silence.
Uh Dad? You, uh... missed the turn.
Actually, I thought we could grab a bite to eat
before the movie starts.
Ooh! Can we go to Burger Clown?
They've started doing this thing
where they hide the toy inside the burger!
It's supposed to be... disgusting.
Yeah, Burger Clown!
You heard the lady, so don't you dare saying...
Actually, I already havea great place in mind! [chuckles]
Is your Dad planning something?
Nah, he always makes this weird face
when he's plannin' something really bad.
and I haven't seen it yet,
so we should be in the clear.
We're... here.
Ahhh! The face!
What are you up to, old man?
Look to the heavens and see for yourself.
Tonight, we eat at a spinning restaurant in the sky!
Ohhh, no.
- [elevator dings] - [gasps]
What is this place?!
Sweet, mournful music.
- Rich people that don't smilewhen they laugh. - [snooty chuckle]
And moody, romantic lighting that leads to...
Mmmwah!
[moans]
As the restaurant slowly spins,
your table has an excellent view of the city.
And if there is any dish you'd like to start with,
I'm happy to place an order.
Hm. It's tough to pick from... the quarto form-a-guy,
the crust-ineye with pros-cutto,
or the gnocki baloney.
You know what, let's just go for the ol' breadsticks
with marinara.
[strained] Very good, sir.
It's for my son's first date.
- Dad! - Hum?!
You're right, son. The music is all wrong!
You kids sit tight. We'll be right back.
[sighs] Aw man, Gabriella,
I'm sorry my Dad's bein' all weird and whatnot.
Oh, my gosh, I'm glad you said something
because... wow.
Him taking us to this mushy restaurant
was all his idea, I swear!
[chuckles] don't let him get to you.
We'll make this dinner fun.
This place is full of snooty rich people.
And there is no one in the world
more fun to prank... than a snooty rich person.
Pranking the rich?
That is the first good idea
I have heard all night!
- C'mon, let's go! - [they chuckle]
Hey, kids! I found this chocolate fountain.
I thought we could... Huh? Where'd they go?
- Cheers! To money! - [snooty laughter]
[evil laughter]
Hats off... to being rich!
- [gasps] - Ohh... ohh...
Oh, no! My worst fear has come true!
I look silly!
Such vulgarity. Come dear, we're leaving.
- Whoa! - Richard!
What the devil? Someone seems
to have tied my ankles together with pasta!
Blast, it's al dente!
Throw me a fork, Martha.
I'm gonna have to eat my way out of this one.
[chews]
Cricket.
Oh, look! My dinner is ruined
on the one night a year I go out!
[insane laughter]
Joke's on me I guess.
- Yeah! - Yeah!
My love? Where are you my love?
Follow the sound of my lips!
- [kissing] - [struggling]
Somebody toucha my spaghet!
Who on Earth is doing all this?! Ahh!
[laughing]
Try dipping one in marinara.
- [Rich snob screams] - Whoa, good suggestion!
- How should we top that? - Hmm. I'm not sure if we can...
Wait a minute. I got it!
Let's get this place really spinnin'.
- [quiet laughter] - [Cricket groans then laughs]
Is it just me or was this weirdly easy...
Whoa! Yeah, this makes sense.
Just what on earth are you two doing?!
Look Dad, I'm sorry for pullin' those sick pranks.
- [fake cough] Really sick. - And ruinin' the restaurant...
No, what you're doing is ruining what could be a perfect first date!
What?! I told this is not a date!
Not at this rate it's not!
And that's why I am calling upon
my authority as a chaperone!
You two are gonna do this first date right!
We'll stay here all night if we have to.
- All... night. [gulp] - [they gasp]
Now we're gonna have a proper date.
Take small bites of food. Do not touch the candle!
We do not glug the water.
We sip-sip-sip-sip.
Tuck your napkin in your shirt.
And give your date compliments.
And when we're done with that, we give 'em more compliments!
Can we get some music over here?
Do you know the song "I love love, love love love, love... you"?
Uh... yes, I know that tune.
- You know what to do. - Sir, this is one dollar.
One, two, three, four!
- [music playing] - Ya hear that?
It's that song you liked from the truck!
What are the odds?!
Now... date!
Now to watch the perfect date unfold.
Small bites, small bites, small bites. Yes!
Small sips. Yes! Yes, yes!
Now, Cricket, bring it home with the compliments!
Me-me-me li-ike your...
[sobs]
Hmm. Didn't quite stick the landing.
Is this date headed south? If things were really that bad,
Cricket would be making that face he always makes.
[sobbing]
Ahh! The face!
Oh, the boy looks miserable.
Cricket trusted me to be a good chaperone, and I messed it up big time.
Dang it, Bill, ya gotta do something to fix this!
Their final prank.
Wait, sir! Don't pull that lever!
You'll ruin your son's date!
It's not a date.
Uh, what's happening?
Ohh, no!
[screaming]
Uhh... Ahh!
Oh! Hey-ah! Yeah! Ooh!
- [elevator dings] - [screaming]
Next time, Terry... I pick the restaurant.
- Oof! - Oof!
- Oof! [laughs] - Whoa! [laughs]
- Dad! - Hey, kids!
Before I black out from all the blood rushing to my head,
I just want to say... [groans]
Son, I'm sorry for putting so much pressure on you tonight.
Thanks, Dad. I needed to hear that.
I'm just a kid right now, and I wanna have fun!
Not worry about date stuff. Hup.
Loud and clear. [groans] Agh!
And Gabriella, I'm sorry for making this whole night really weird!
Nah, it's cool.
[screaming]
- Ah... Whoa! - Whoa, he-heh.
- Aww! Oof! - Aww! Oof!
[Gabriella] Uh, help, please!
- [gasps] Gabriella! - [gasps] Gabriella!
That was not only the greatest thing I have ever experienced,
you are the best chaperone ever!
And if things always gonna get this crazy,
I'm gonna need you to chaperone for us all the time!
[chuckles] Well, Cricket, what do you think?
Maybe you just drop us off and pick us up.
It's a date.
Now looks like we have just enough time
to see a certain Rat win the heart of a nation.
- Yay! - Yay!
Just where do you think you're going?
Oh. Right. We destroyed another restaurant.
- Huh? - Ha-ha, oh that's how it's gonna be, eh?
- Take that! - [they all laugh]
- Oh! They'll be tellin' this story at your wedding! - [Cricket] What?