- [wind whistling] - Look alive, folks.
Incoming helicopter seeds.
Watch this.
[blows]
Very impressive, Remy.
Ha! That ain't nothing.
Check this out.
[inhales deeply and coughs]
So many!
[both laugh]
These things do not make good snacks.
But you know what does make good snacks?
Snacks.
I was wondering why you paused so long.
So, what have you kids been up to today?
Absolutely nothing.
Yup. Didn't do a dang thing of substance.
The best way to spend a Sunday.
- [spits] It's Sunday? - Yeah, buddy.
At least that's what the calendar says.
- [ominous music plays] - No, no, no, no, no!
- [sobbing] - Remy, what's wrong?
[wailing]
- Hey, what--? - Remy, what's--?
Don't touch him! He's agitated.
It's okay, he'll wear himself out in a second.
See? There, there, buddy.
Remy, why does this startle you so?
Because on Sundays, my parents call
and I have to tell them what I learned.
Tell them what you learned?
[sighs] Yeah.
They only let me come out to the country
because I sold it to them as a study abroad program.
I promised that every week,
I'd learn something new on your farm.
So far, I've reported great stuff.
But this week, I didn't learn anything.
And I can't tell them what I learned
- if I didn't learn anything! - [Cricket] Hey, hey, hey.
You could still learn something before your parents call.
How much time do we have?
Four minutes.
- Oh, yeah, you're dead. - [whimpers]
Well, Remy, it sounds like
there's only one thing you can do.
- You've got to tell the truth-- - Lie to my parents!
What? No, that's not--
Wow. Okay, buddy.
Bold move for a novice.
Take it from me, lying to your parents
is a delicate art form.
Takes years to master.
You are not a master of lying, Cricket.
Oh, you're right, Dad.
You're always right.
[sighs] If my parents find out I've been slacking on my studies,
they'll make me go back to Big City immediately.
[gasps] They can do that?
I'm not ready to leave the country yet.
But Cricket's right.
I don't have a lot of experience lying.
Greens, will you help me lie to my parents?
- [all] Yeah. - Mr. Green?
I'm sorry, but lying is wrong.
And I refuse to take part in any fibbery.
- And furthermore, I-- - All right everybody,
let's get to work on lying!
[all cheer]
Only three minutes until my parents call.
I need a believable story
about how I learned something on the farm.
- What do you got for me? - Listen to a pro, Remy.
The best lies are realistic, yet oddly specific.
Say you went to the woods to observe some local wildlife.
See? Realistic.
Soon enough, you discovered a snake
with 37 neon-green, glow-in-the-dark scales
that perfectly form the outline of the Big Dipper.
- Oddly specific. - Ooh, that's good.
But what's the lesson I learned?
You learned how to fight,
because the snake attacked you!
So you had to wrestle it to the death!
You threw punches so hard, you knocked its teeth right out.
Venom spraying everywhere.
And blood. Oh, so much blood!
So, what'd you think?
Let's table that idea for now.
Whatever.
I've got an idea for you, Remy. Hear me out.
What if the snake was wearing a hat?
- [giggles] - What? Like a top hat?
Yeah. You know, a big, tall, dressy one,
like it's Abe Lincoln or something.
Why would a snake be wearing a hat?
I know, right?
That's why it's so funny!
[laughs]
You know what isn't funny? Lying.
Oh, Dad, have you been there the whole time?
The dining room is a communal space.
Seriously, none of these stories make any sense.
The snakes out here aren't aggressive.
And they live in open, grassy plains, not the woods.
[gasps]
So all you're gonna do is poke holes?
We need you pitching solutions, not problems, Bill!
Aw, my parents aren't going to believe any of these stories.
Remy, please. Allow Tilly to save the day.
Exterior. Woods. Dusk.
The clouds were as soft and white
as the feathers of Lady Caroline,
an old duck with a young heart.
- [wind gusts] - The wind was howling,
- and so were the coyotes. - [all howling]
Though she was b'feathered, b'billed, and b'web-footed,
the coyotes welcomed her as one of their own.
You know, this is supposed to be about me.
Patience, Remy.
When building a fictional world, one must set the scene.
And there is a lot of scene to set.
Ooh ooh, what if Lady Caroline
was wearing a little chef's hat?
[laughs] There's just something about animals in hats.
Oh, we're getting nowhere!
I'm running out of time!
You know, Remy, I may have a story that can help you.
When I was a boy, I was in a situation just like this.
I was building a fence,
and I miscalculated the post spacing.
I was scared to tell my Ma the truth
and deal with the consequences.
But I knew that lying wouldn't fix anything,
so I told the truth.
And even though--
That's it!
I'll say I built a fence!
- [indistinct chattering] - Wait. No.
That wasn't the point of my story.
But what am I going to say to my parents?
I don't know how to build a fence.
Roll up your sleeves, Remy.
I'll write some cheat notes on your arm.
- [cell phone rings] - Oh, no. It's Mom and Dad!
Don't worry. If you get nervous, just look at your arm.
You're right, Cricket. I got this.
Okay, Remy. It's showtime.
[all] Good luck.
- Hey there, son. - Hello, Remy.
Master Remy! Master Remy!
It's me, Vasquez, your bodyguard!
[laughs nervously] Hello, everyone.
[Rashida] We've all been looking forward
to your weekly report.
Oh, me too.
Me three!
Okay, settle down, Vasquez.
Tell us about what you learned this week.
This week I learned how to build a fence.
[all] Ooh!
Tell us more.
Well, the first thing I did was, uh...
[whimpers]
Remy? Oh, I think he froze.
No, no. He's still there.
I can see the sweat on his face moving.
Sorry, it's hot out in the country.
Come on, now. Start from the beginning.
And don't leave out a single detail.
[laughs nervously] Right.
Uh, details, details.
Oh, jeez, he's spiraling.
He should have just told the truth.
We can't just stand here. We got to help him.
[Russell] Come on, Remy. Spit it out.
[Remy] Um, uh...
Just follow our lead.
Of course. Building a fence.
First, I...
You gathered some wood.
I swung a baseball bat?
- [all] Huh? - What does that have to do
with building a fence?
It's actually... a country tradition
to practice your baseball swing before building a fence.
Oh, to get your arms warmed up. Smart.
- Good save. - So, what'd you do next?
[Remy] Oh, um...
Well, then I started...
Digging holes. Digging holes.
...kicking moles.
Kicking moles?
What does that have to do with building a fence?
Well... fences keep out pests. Like moles.
Bu, t Master Remy, a mole would simply tunnel under the fence.
That's why we gotta kick them.
Plus, the fence keeps out a bunch of other pests.
- Like what? - Give me a second.
I'll name some.
[whispering] Help!
[bleating, barking, miscellaneous animal sounds]
Let's see, there are...
worms with butts.
Dancing monkeys.
Beavers... wearing hats.
What? Is this a joke?
Yup. You know I love to add humor to my reports.
- [cawing loudly] - Cricket!
[Russell] Remy, we can't see you.
- What's going on? - All right, all right.
Enough playing around, Remy.
- Of course. Oh! - [buzzing and cawing]
The main reason I built the fence was to keep out...
Uh...
Oh! Wolves!
- [both] Wolves? - What?
[Rashida] Oh! The country is full of people-eating wolves.
- [gasps] - We had no idea
it was so dangerous out there.
You are coming home right now.
[Russell] Vasquez, fire up the chopper.
Yes, sir. I am coming for you, Master Remy.
Stop! You don't have to do that.
Everything's fine.
Please, let me explain.
The wolves aren't actually a threat, because...
Because...?
...because I...
fought one before.
And I won.
[groans]
Exterior. Farm. Midnight.
The moon rose, round and glistening,
like the eyes of Miss Debbie Junior,
a little calf with a big dream.
Good. Set the scene.
[Remy] One night while I was on barn-cleaning duty,
she slipped away into the forest.
I ran after her, the trail leading me to a small clearing,
but what I found was more horrifying
than I could have imagined.
Little Miss Debbie Junior was about to be attacked
by a giant wolf.
- [growling] - [cries]
There was no time to think.
I leapt into action and ferociously wrestled it
with my bare hands.
Fur and spit and sweat
were flying everywhere!
And blood. So much blood!
- Mm-hmm. - [Remy] But then,
the wolf swallowed me.
So I had to fight it on the inside.
I beat it up so bad it finally gave up,
and I climbed right out of its mouth,
narrowly avoiding each of the 37 razor-sharp teeth.
Oddly specific.
[Remy] I finally sent it back into the woods in shame,
wearing a dunce cap.
It's so funny.
Whew! So, what'd you think of my lesson?
That is unbelievable.
Really? It is?
Yes, as in,
it is unable to be believed.
[Rashida] That was the biggest load of nonsense
I have ever heard.
It makes me wonder if any of this was truthful, Remy.
Did you even build a fence?
Uh, hold on, I have a perfectly good explanation.
[overlapped chatter]
Well, what's going on?
[indistinct chattering]
Remy, your father asked you a question.
The truth is...
I lied to you!
[all gasp]
I didn't learn anything this week.
I totally forgot about my report,
because I was just goofing around
with Cricket and Tilly.
But I should have just told you that.
I'm sorry for lying, and then lying some more.
[all sigh]
Well, that's a relief.
We'd rather hear you didn't learn anything
than that you were fighting off bloodthirsty wolves.
- Really? - Remy, if you had
just told the truth from the beginning,
we wouldn't have been mad.
We know we put a lot of pressure
on you and your studies,
but we want you to enjoy your time in the country.
Even if it means goofing off with the Greens sometimes.
So everything's okay?
Oh, absolutely not.
Since you lied to us...
And kept lying.
...you owe us a 20-page paper
on the history of lying.
I think maybe I did learn something this week.
♪ I got sweat in my eyes ♪
♪ Lost a bet and got bit By a hundred flies ♪
♪ I fell out A big old tree ♪
♪ Hit every branch And scraped up both my knees ♪
♪ I got chased by a dog ♪
♪ Licked by a frog ♪
♪ Got a rash on my leg ♪
♪ Dropped a dozen eggs ♪
♪ I got splinters At seven and ten ♪
♪ And tomorrow I'll do it all again ♪