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You're listening to BBC Radio Foyle.

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Let's kick things off with today's
phone-in competition.

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So, with Halloween night
less than a week away,

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00:00:11,126 --> 00:00:13,847
we want to know the festival's
original name.

5
00:00:13,887 --> 00:00:16,929
What did the ancient Celts
call Halloween?

6
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If you think you know the answer,
give us a buzz on 418352.

7
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I tell you who'd know that.

8
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Kitty Reilly.

9
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Really? Her son's in
the ancient Celts.

10
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Her son plays for Celtic.

11
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Sure, this is what I'm saying.

12
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Anything? This is for Erin.

13
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Oh, private and confidential.

14
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Will I stick the kettle on
and we'll steam it open, Mary?

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That's actually
a criminal offence, Sarah.

16
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Your face should be
a criminal offence.

17
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Oh, morning, Joe.

18
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I'm not going to steam open
my daughter's mail.

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Come on now, Sarah. As if I have
time for that.

20
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National Insurance card.

21
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Is that all?

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Honest to God.
Is yours any more exciting?

23
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Jesus Christ!

24
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What?

25
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Jesus Christ!
I don't believe this!

26
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What the hell is it?

27
00:00:55,910 --> 00:00:57,751
Is there something you want
to tell us, Sarah?

28
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I'm thinking of going blonde.

29
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No, Sarah.

30
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I know what you're going to say.
It'll totally wash me out.

31
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Sarah... But with a couple of
warm low-lights, I really think...

32
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Are you engaged to Ciaran?

33
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What? What?

34
00:01:09,117 --> 00:01:10,918
12th of November.

35
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Why is that date familiar?

36
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Oh, I wonder.

37
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I've booked to see Bjorn Again.

38
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Have to give this a miss.

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You're going to give your own
engagement party a miss?

40
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Well, now, to be fair,
as ABBA tribute acts go,

41
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they're the best in the country.
They really are the genuine article.

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Except, by definition, they're not.
They're a tribute act.

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You're an arsehole act!

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Are you engaged to Ciaran, Sarah?

45
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Why do you keep asking that?

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Because that's an invitation
to your engagement party.

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Oh, God, aye, so it is.

48
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I think I know
what's happened there.

49
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Do you mind filling
the rest of us in?

50
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Well, two Fridays ago, Ciaran came
to pick me up from dancercise.

51
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I'm gasping, I mean, I've a mouth
on me like Gandhi's flip-flop.

52
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I tell him you need to stop at
the shop and grab me a Calypso,

53
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but he says he has a better idea,

54
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and he pulls over,
and he whips out...

55
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Whips out what?
What does he whip out?

56
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This ring.

57
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And he asks me if I'd do him
the honour of accepting it.

58
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And you did?

59
00:02:09,669 --> 00:02:11,430
Well, I knew the stone
would restrict me

60
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a fair bit, nail polish wise.

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I mean, red's out for a start.

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Christ almighty.

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And I'm wondering if me taking
this ring has somehow led Ciaran

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to think I'd agreed to marry him.

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I'd say there's a chance
it did, yeah.

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What a nightmare.

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I'm not even that into him,
to be honest.

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Not your fault, love.

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These bloody fellas, they only hear
what they want to hear.

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You have to tell him, Sarah.

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Do you think? Yes.

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But I don't have to give
the ring back, do I?

73
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Mammy, do you remember you said

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we could get an advance
on our birthday money,

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if we had a good enough reason?

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I didn't say that.

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Mmm-hmm. Orla.

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RECORDING:All right, all right,
I suppose you could get an advance

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on your birthday money, if you had
a good enough reason.

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Busted.

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Jesus, but Home Alone 2 has a lot
to answer for.

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They're flat out recording us
on that thing, Mary.

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That time we were slagging off
Deidre Mallon's pelmet,

84
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it's all on there.

85
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What's wrong with
Deidre Mallon's pelmet?

86
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It doesn't match her
tie-backs, Gerry.

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They're having this massive
Halloween concert

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in St Columb's Hall.

89
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Tickets go on sale today.

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How much? 20 quid each.

91
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20 quid each?! Who's playing, God?

92
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Oh, he's bigger than God.

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# Right about now

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# The funk soul brother... #

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Exciting news for Derry today as
tickets go on sale for Fatboy Slim.

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The world renowned DJ is set to play

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the city's famous
Halloween festival.

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# Right about now

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# The funk soul brother

100
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# Check it out now

101
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# The funk soul brother... #

102
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Listen, I've played everywhere.

103
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New York, London, Paris, Munich,

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but it's all been leading to up
to this.

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Derry is the dream.

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That's right, gang.

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Fatboy Slim is coming to Derry!

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# Right about now

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# The funk soul brother

110
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# Check it out now... #

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Norman, we are not worthy
to receive you.

112
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Only say the word
and we shall be healed.

113
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What if they sell out?

114
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They won't. I asked my ma
to light a candle.

115
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Ah. I can't believe we're gonna see
him play live.

116
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I mean, the man's a genius.

117
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He's a modern day Beethoven.

118
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Except good.

119
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I just love Halloween.

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It's the one night of the year
that Protestants and Catholics

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set aside their political
and religious differences

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and just come together...
And fight ghosts.

123
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No, Orla.

124
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Halloween is class.

125
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There's just something
about fancy dress

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that turns an ordinary night out

127
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into an absolute free-for-all,
riding wise.

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Beautiful.

129
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It really is.

130
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Shipquay Street is gonna be
a total fucking fiddle fest!

131
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We really need to decide
on our costumes, girls.

132
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Time is ticking.

133
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Poundstretcher has already
run out of glitter.

134
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Fuck off!

135
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I was thinking of angels, you know,

136
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like Claire Danes
in Romeo and Juliet.

137
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I like it. Simple, classic.

138
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And I can wear my white hot pants,

139
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which show just the right amount
of arse cheek.

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Oh, that's decided, then.

141
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Clare. See that girl?

142
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Yeah.

143
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Her name's Laurie. She's a lezzie.

144
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That's Laurie the Lezzie.
We don't say lezzie, Michelle.

145
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What's wrong with saying lezzie?
You can say lezzie.

146
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All the gays say lezzie.

147
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It's like an industry term now,
Clare.

148
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You should tell her, Clare.

149
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Tell her what? That you're
a lezzie too.

150
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That's enough!

151
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This could be your big chance.

152
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My big chance?

153
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Well, have you ever even met
another lezzie?

154
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Stop saying lezzie!

155
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Just because I'm gay doesn't mean
I see every other gay woman

156
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as a potential suitor.

157
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Aye, keep saying things
like "suitor", Clare.

158
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That'll help you off-load
the old virginity.

159
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Why don't you just tell her?

160
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Because it's pathetic, Erin.

161
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Hi, there. Hi, I'm a lesbian!

162
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Congratulations. Thank you.

163
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How many of you are there?

164
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Just me. Just the one lesbian.

165
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The rest of them are straight.

166
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How many tickets do you need?

167
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Oh, I see. Five, please.

168
00:05:45,904 --> 00:05:47,385
Well, this is your lucky day.

169
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Only five left.

170
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Yes! Thank you, Jesus.

171
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I'm going myself, actually.

172
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I'll be the clown propping up
the bar.

173
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You're not a clown.

174
00:05:55,389 --> 00:05:58,871
Oh, no, I mean I'll be dressed
as a clown. Like, it's my costume.

175
00:05:58,911 --> 00:06:00,552
Aye, no, I get that.

176
00:06:00,592 --> 00:06:01,753
You should come say hello.

177
00:06:01,793 --> 00:06:03,554
I will.

178
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I totally will!

179
00:06:04,674 --> 00:06:06,675
I definitely will! I'll do that!
I will!

180
00:06:06,715 --> 00:06:08,396
So do you think you w-w-will, Clare?

181
00:06:08,436 --> 00:06:09,557
Shut up!

182
00:06:09,597 --> 00:06:11,198
Sorry, folks. That's us
sold out now.

183
00:06:11,238 --> 00:06:12,759
What? No! No, they cut in!

184
00:06:12,799 --> 00:06:14,360
This isn't fair! They skipped us!

185
00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:15,440
Balls we did!

186
00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:16,641
It's the truth, I swear.

187
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I'll have to speak to my manager.

188
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We didn't skip you!

189
00:06:19,162 --> 00:06:20,283
"We didn't skip you!"

190
00:06:20,323 --> 00:06:22,164
Who do you think the manager
is gonna believe,

191
00:06:22,204 --> 00:06:23,725
a couple of spotty kids
or a grown man?

192
00:06:23,765 --> 00:06:24,765
Elderly man!

193
00:06:24,805 --> 00:06:26,606
It's a happy death you should be
looking for,

194
00:06:26,646 --> 00:06:28,647
not Fatboy Slim tickets,
you fucking pensioner.

195
00:06:28,687 --> 00:06:29,968
Just do one. Why should we?

196
00:06:30,008 --> 00:06:32,329
Because I've been a Fatboy fan
way longer than you.

197
00:06:32,369 --> 00:06:33,930
Er, is that because
you're his granda?

198
00:06:33,970 --> 00:06:35,891
Fuck off.
You fuck off.

199
00:06:35,931 --> 00:06:37,212
Do not test me.

200
00:06:37,252 --> 00:06:38,612
We're not afraid of you.

201
00:06:38,653 --> 00:06:40,974
All right, Madstab, how's it going?
Not bad.

202
00:06:41,014 --> 00:06:42,294
Madstab.

203
00:06:42,334 --> 00:06:44,135
Is that like your Christian name?

204
00:06:44,175 --> 00:06:46,537
I want the tickets.
Well, you're not getting them.

205
00:06:46,577 --> 00:06:47,737
You're upsetting me now.

206
00:06:47,777 --> 00:06:52,180
You know, now I'm getting
real fucking upset here.

207
00:06:52,220 --> 00:06:55,061
We didn't mean to upset you,
Mr Stab.

208
00:06:55,101 --> 00:06:57,583
Honestly, that's the last thing
we want to do,

209
00:06:57,623 --> 00:07:00,224
but don't you think you're being
slightly unreasonable?

210
00:07:00,264 --> 00:07:01,465
No.

211
00:07:01,505 --> 00:07:03,826
My manager says we're gonna have
to toss a coin.

212
00:07:03,866 --> 00:07:06,467
Fuck that.
I'll fight him for them.

213
00:07:06,507 --> 00:07:09,469
- Excuse me, please?
- That seems fair.

214
00:07:09,509 --> 00:07:12,150
Me, you. Outside. Now. Let's go.

215
00:07:12,190 --> 00:07:13,791
Me? Why me?

216
00:07:13,831 --> 00:07:15,552
I'm hardly gonna fight a girl now,
am I?

217
00:07:15,592 --> 00:07:17,513
OK, I'm not buzzing
about the sexism,

218
00:07:17,553 --> 00:07:19,874
but the fact that he wants to thump
James is a wee bit exciting.

219
00:07:19,914 --> 00:07:22,956
I'm not gonna fight you for a couple
of Fatboy Slim tickets.

220
00:07:22,996 --> 00:07:23,997
Why not?

221
00:07:24,037 --> 00:07:25,998
Because one, it's ridiculous,

222
00:07:26,038 --> 00:07:28,279
and two, you're much bigger than me!

223
00:07:28,319 --> 00:07:30,160
Tell this prick to grow a spine,
will you?

224
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:32,801
Yeah, cos they're really going
to encourage me

225
00:07:32,841 --> 00:07:35,563
to have a physical fight
with a grown man!

226
00:07:35,603 --> 00:07:37,564
Like that's actually gonna happen!

227
00:07:37,604 --> 00:07:40,806
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight!

228
00:07:43,967 --> 00:07:45,288
Jesus Christ.

229
00:07:45,328 --> 00:07:46,329
OK, he gets first dig.

230
00:07:46,369 --> 00:07:48,690
Why? I just feel like I should
give him a chance.

231
00:07:48,730 --> 00:07:50,011
Lamp him, James!

232
00:07:50,051 --> 00:07:51,531
I don't want to lamp him, Michelle,

233
00:07:51,571 --> 00:07:54,413
because if I lamp him,
he'll definitely lamp me!

234
00:07:54,453 --> 00:07:55,894
What the fuck are you waiting for?

235
00:07:55,934 --> 00:07:57,094
Go on, James!

236
00:07:57,134 --> 00:07:58,695
Go, James, you can do it!

237
00:07:58,735 --> 00:08:00,416
I expected better from you, Clare!

238
00:08:00,456 --> 00:08:01,977
I'm sorry, but we need to get
those tickets!

239
00:08:02,017 --> 00:08:03,778
Hit me, for fuck's sake!

240
00:08:03,818 --> 00:08:04,898
Hit him, James!

241
00:08:04,938 --> 00:08:06,299
Come on, do it for Fatboy!

242
00:08:06,339 --> 00:08:08,220
Hit him! Hit him! Hit him! Hit him!

243
00:08:08,260 --> 00:08:11,622
Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!
Oh, God!

244
00:08:11,662 --> 00:08:12,823
He grabbed the tickets!

245
00:08:12,863 --> 00:08:17,465
No!

246
00:08:20,307 --> 00:08:22,068
Are you happy now? Cos...

247
00:08:22,108 --> 00:08:24,749
I'm gonna rip your fucking face
clean off.

248
00:08:24,789 --> 00:08:26,390
What's the plan now, James?

249
00:08:29,512 --> 00:08:31,393
Run!

250
00:08:31,433 --> 00:08:34,474
I see you again,
you're fucking dead! Do you hear me?

251
00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:36,235
You're all fucking dead!

252
00:08:36,275 --> 00:08:37,996
Go on, you fuck!

253
00:08:41,718 --> 00:08:43,159
# I sit and wait

254
00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:47,841
# Does an angel

255
00:08:47,881 --> 00:08:51,563
# Contemplate my fate... #

256
00:08:51,603 --> 00:08:53,124
Where's Michelle?

257
00:08:54,765 --> 00:08:56,766
She didn't wanna come.

258
00:08:56,806 --> 00:08:59,127
She's taking this whole thing
pretty badly.

259
00:08:59,167 --> 00:09:01,489
She's not eating,
she's not sleeping.

260
00:09:01,529 --> 00:09:03,450
I've never seen her this upset.

261
00:09:03,490 --> 00:09:05,731
I'm trying not to blame myself.

262
00:09:05,771 --> 00:09:07,132
I think you should blame yourself.

263
00:09:07,172 --> 00:09:08,252
Me too.

264
00:09:08,292 --> 00:09:10,774
What? It is sort of your fault,
James. You tore the tickets up.

265
00:09:10,814 --> 00:09:12,134
What the hell were you thinking?

266
00:09:12,174 --> 00:09:14,856
I don't know.
I was high on adrenaline.

267
00:09:14,896 --> 00:09:16,377
Anyway, what does it matter?

268
00:09:16,417 --> 00:09:17,977
I was never gonna win that fight.

269
00:09:18,017 --> 00:09:19,858
The man's the size of a wardrobe.

270
00:09:19,898 --> 00:09:21,539
But you're English, James.

271
00:09:21,579 --> 00:09:24,021
About five of you managed
to colonise half the planet,

272
00:09:24,061 --> 00:09:26,702
so, you know, we thought you might
have something up your sleeve.

273
00:09:26,742 --> 00:09:28,063
Well, I didn't.

274
00:09:28,103 --> 00:09:30,584
TV:We're in Derry,
where preparations are under way

275
00:09:30,624 --> 00:09:33,306
for their famous
Halloween celebrations.

276
00:09:33,346 --> 00:09:37,348
The incredible Fatboy Slim is set
to play at this year's festival.

277
00:09:37,388 --> 00:09:38,869
Why can't God just give us a break?

278
00:09:38,909 --> 00:09:40,589
I don't know, maybe he hates us.

279
00:09:40,630 --> 00:09:43,271
Don't be ridiculous, girls.

280
00:09:43,311 --> 00:09:44,432
Sister Michael?

281
00:09:44,472 --> 00:09:46,032
Of course God doesn't hate you.

282
00:09:46,072 --> 00:09:47,273
Thank you, Sister.

283
00:09:47,313 --> 00:09:49,074
You're not interesting enough.
I see.

284
00:09:49,114 --> 00:09:51,435
I'd say he'd be ambivalent
towards you, at best.

285
00:09:51,475 --> 00:09:52,636
Right.

286
00:09:52,676 --> 00:09:53,997
If he even exists.

287
00:09:54,037 --> 00:09:55,878
What?Nothing.

288
00:09:57,959 --> 00:10:00,640
Are you hiring out your clothes?

289
00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:02,561
Me and the girls do it
every Halloween.

290
00:10:02,601 --> 00:10:04,842
You can make an absolute fortune.

291
00:10:04,882 --> 00:10:06,083
Is that allowed?

292
00:10:06,123 --> 00:10:07,284
It's for a good cause.

293
00:10:07,324 --> 00:10:08,324
Like a charity thing?

294
00:10:08,364 --> 00:10:09,925
Like a foreign holiday thing.

295
00:10:09,965 --> 00:10:11,166
Good day, ladies.

296
00:10:11,206 --> 00:10:13,527
And while Fatboy Slim's presence
brings excitement...

297
00:10:13,567 --> 00:10:15,288
I'm sorry, can we just
turn this off?

298
00:10:15,328 --> 00:10:18,089
..it also led to heartbreak
for a group of local young people.

299
00:10:18,129 --> 00:10:21,171
Earlier today we caught up with
local teenager Michelle Mallon

300
00:10:21,211 --> 00:10:23,452
to hear more. What?

301
00:10:23,492 --> 00:10:26,694
Michelle, something awful happened
to your cousin James recently.

302
00:10:26,734 --> 00:10:28,495
That's right, Margaret.

303
00:10:28,535 --> 00:10:31,497
He was too chicken to come on here
and speak about it himself.

304
00:10:31,537 --> 00:10:32,657
What's happening?

305
00:10:32,697 --> 00:10:34,458
James doesn't have a lot going on.

306
00:10:34,498 --> 00:10:37,300
He isn't very bright,
he's not much to look at,

307
00:10:37,340 --> 00:10:40,461
and there's no easy way to say this,

308
00:10:40,501 --> 00:10:42,222
he's also English.

309
00:10:42,262 --> 00:10:43,943
I'm so sorry to hear that.

310
00:10:43,983 --> 00:10:45,784
Thank you, Margaret.

311
00:10:45,824 --> 00:10:47,305
So, because James has
so many problems,

312
00:10:47,345 --> 00:10:49,666
me and my friends thought
that we would club together

313
00:10:49,706 --> 00:10:52,108
and buy him Fatboy Slim tickets,
because he's such a big fan.

314
00:10:52,148 --> 00:10:53,468
That was so nice of us.

315
00:10:53,508 --> 00:10:55,990
So, he put on his best
Rockafeller Skank T-shirt

316
00:10:56,030 --> 00:11:00,392
and headed up to town with the money
securely tucked away in his pocket.

317
00:11:00,432 --> 00:11:01,473
What's she talking about?

318
00:11:01,513 --> 00:11:03,194
And then these group of lads
spotted him

319
00:11:03,234 --> 00:11:04,994
and they just start shouting abuse
at him.

320
00:11:05,034 --> 00:11:06,075
That didn't happen.

321
00:11:06,115 --> 00:11:07,876
They were like,
"And Fatboy Slim's BLEEP."

322
00:11:07,916 --> 00:11:09,117
Oh.

323
00:11:09,157 --> 00:11:13,839
I know, "And his music just sounds
like a big bag of BLEEP BLEEP."

324
00:11:13,879 --> 00:11:15,240
I see, right.

325
00:11:15,280 --> 00:11:16,881
Aye. And then they said,

326
00:11:16,921 --> 00:11:19,242
"You're a piece of BLEEP
English scum.

327
00:11:19,282 --> 00:11:20,803
"Climb back up your BLEEPma."

328
00:11:20,843 --> 00:11:22,404
That didn't happen! Sh!

329
00:11:22,444 --> 00:11:24,765
Then they just jumped him
and started battering him.

330
00:11:24,805 --> 00:11:26,006
None of this happened!

331
00:11:26,046 --> 00:11:28,487
And they stole all the money
that we gave him,

332
00:11:28,527 --> 00:11:31,369
and they left him with a black eye
and a broken leg.

333
00:11:31,409 --> 00:11:34,770
And really they are just a big bunch
of BLEEPthemselves, so...

334
00:11:34,810 --> 00:11:36,211
Why is she doing this?!

335
00:11:36,251 --> 00:11:37,452
Attention, obviously.

336
00:11:37,492 --> 00:11:38,572
We have some great news.

337
00:11:38,612 --> 00:11:40,133
She'd do anything to get on TV.

338
00:11:40,173 --> 00:11:42,775
We got in touch with the event
organisers and shared your story.

339
00:11:42,815 --> 00:11:44,576
What a totally pathetic move.

340
00:11:44,616 --> 00:11:48,017
And not only did they offer tickets
for you, James and your friends,

341
00:11:48,057 --> 00:11:51,099
but they've also thrown in
the VIP experience too.

342
00:11:51,139 --> 00:11:52,220
What do you think?

343
00:11:52,260 --> 00:11:53,500
Oh, my God.

344
00:11:53,540 --> 00:11:55,501
It did not occur to me
that coming on this show

345
00:11:55,541 --> 00:11:59,904
with this sob story might possibly
lead to such a thing.

346
00:11:59,944 --> 00:12:01,545
What a totally genius move.

347
00:12:03,386 --> 00:12:06,587
We are going to
the motherfucking ball, people!

348
00:12:15,392 --> 00:12:17,833
MUSIC: Gangster Trippin'
by Fatboy Slim

349
00:12:36,123 --> 00:12:37,604
What are you supposed to be? Swans?

350
00:12:37,644 --> 00:12:38,885
We're not swans.

351
00:12:38,925 --> 00:12:40,485
Are we not? We're angels.

352
00:12:40,525 --> 00:12:41,806
Angels don't use crutches.

353
00:12:41,846 --> 00:12:42,887
And swans do?

354
00:12:42,927 --> 00:12:44,608
You're a swan expert now, are you?

355
00:12:44,648 --> 00:12:46,088
Yeah, that's precisely what I said.

356
00:12:46,128 --> 00:12:47,129
God love you, son.

357
00:12:47,169 --> 00:12:49,490
Imagine beating you up
just cos you like Slimboy Fat.

358
00:12:49,530 --> 00:12:52,372
Yeah, I still can't quite believe it
myself, actually.

359
00:12:52,412 --> 00:12:54,733
CAR HORN BEEPS
That'll be Daddy!

360
00:12:56,014 --> 00:12:58,655
Ah, I love his wee toy car.

361
00:12:59,736 --> 00:13:00,896
Daddy, what's this?

362
00:13:00,936 --> 00:13:02,297
A new car. Do you like it?

363
00:13:02,337 --> 00:13:03,618
What happened to the van?

364
00:13:03,658 --> 00:13:05,659
I had to get rid of it.
Christ, but it stank of fish.

365
00:13:05,699 --> 00:13:07,020
We're not all gonna fit in there.

366
00:13:07,060 --> 00:13:09,061
Course you will. I'll stack you.
You'll what?

367
00:13:09,101 --> 00:13:11,582
I'll lay you across the back seat,
one on top of each other.

368
00:13:11,622 --> 00:13:12,983
Layer you up, so to speak.

369
00:13:13,023 --> 00:13:15,344
So, what's the plan then, Sean?
You gonna stack them?

370
00:13:15,384 --> 00:13:17,265
Oh, aye, otherwise I'm looking
at two runs,

371
00:13:17,305 --> 00:13:18,546
and sure, who has time for that?

372
00:13:18,586 --> 00:13:20,987
I could take some of them.
We have to arrive together, Daddy.

373
00:13:21,027 --> 00:13:22,468
It's an ensemble costume, Gerry.

374
00:13:22,508 --> 00:13:24,349
Aye, sure, you can't separate
the flock.

375
00:13:24,389 --> 00:13:25,750
We're not swans.

376
00:13:25,790 --> 00:13:27,430
Need a hand stacking them, Sean?

377
00:13:27,470 --> 00:13:28,591
Ach, no, I'll be grand.

378
00:13:28,631 --> 00:13:31,272
Sure, I'm only after doing it
with a load of plasterboard there.

379
00:13:31,312 --> 00:13:33,714
You're not stacking us, Daddy!
We're not plasterboard!

380
00:13:33,754 --> 00:13:35,515
We're VIPs, for God's sake!

381
00:13:35,555 --> 00:13:36,715
True enough.

382
00:13:36,755 --> 00:13:40,037
VIPs should travel in style.

383
00:13:40,077 --> 00:13:44,840
# What we're doin' when a
fatboy's slippin'

384
00:13:44,880 --> 00:13:47,241
# What we're doin' when a

385
00:13:47,281 --> 00:13:49,602
# What we're doin' when
a fatboy's slippin'... #

386
00:13:49,642 --> 00:13:51,363
Yeah!

387
00:14:17,617 --> 00:14:19,858
Ciaran's on his way round.

388
00:14:19,898 --> 00:14:22,780
I think it's as good a time as any
to call off this engagement.

389
00:14:22,820 --> 00:14:24,741
You're not going to tell him here,
are you?

390
00:14:24,781 --> 00:14:28,263
No, but he's being told here.

391
00:14:28,303 --> 00:14:29,383
And how is that different?

392
00:14:29,423 --> 00:14:30,704
I said you'd do it for her, love.

393
00:14:30,744 --> 00:14:31,745
You said what?

394
00:14:31,785 --> 00:14:32,785
You don't mind, do you?

395
00:14:32,825 --> 00:14:33,946
Of course I mind.

396
00:14:33,986 --> 00:14:36,347
I just think it would be better
coming from you, Gerry.

397
00:14:36,387 --> 00:14:37,508
Well, I don't.

398
00:14:37,548 --> 00:14:40,109
I think people who get themselves
accidentally engaged

399
00:14:40,149 --> 00:14:43,111
should break off their own
accidental engagements.

400
00:14:43,151 --> 00:14:44,552
I've no time, Gerry.

401
00:14:44,592 --> 00:14:46,192
It's Halloween night.

402
00:14:46,232 --> 00:14:48,634
I have to do Mary's make-up
as well as my own,

403
00:14:48,674 --> 00:14:51,115
and neither of us have so much as
a base coat on yet.

404
00:14:51,155 --> 00:14:52,556
The day ran away from me.

405
00:14:52,596 --> 00:14:54,917
I think I will go for a smoky eye,
you know.

406
00:14:54,957 --> 00:14:56,638
Ach, I'm still not convinced,
you know, Mary.

407
00:14:56,678 --> 00:14:58,999
I won't do it. I will not do it.

408
00:14:59,039 --> 00:15:00,560
Won't do what?

409
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:01,601
Dear Jesus.

410
00:15:01,641 --> 00:15:03,402
Good, isn't it?

411
00:15:03,442 --> 00:15:06,323
Got it from Jim across the road.
He has two.

412
00:15:06,363 --> 00:15:07,364
Of course he does.

413
00:15:07,404 --> 00:15:09,725
Daddy, Gerry won't tell Ciaran
I don't want to marry him.

414
00:15:09,765 --> 00:15:10,685
Well, I'll tell him.Really?

415
00:15:10,725 --> 00:15:12,566
I don't think your father should
tell him, girls. Why not?

416
00:15:12,606 --> 00:15:14,608
Then I'll put the pushy
wee bastard through that wall.

417
00:15:14,648 --> 00:15:15,848
There you are.

418
00:15:15,888 --> 00:15:19,050
KIDS OUTSIDE:Trick or treat!
Oh, here. I'll sort them out.

419
00:15:19,090 --> 00:15:20,651
So, Ciaran hasn't done
anything wrong

420
00:15:20,691 --> 00:15:22,572
and now your father is going to kill
the poor fella?

421
00:15:22,612 --> 00:15:24,933
And to think you could have
prevented it, Gerry.

422
00:15:24,973 --> 00:15:25,773
Unbelievable.

423
00:15:27,735 --> 00:15:30,496
# What we're doin' when a

424
00:15:30,536 --> 00:15:32,857
# What we're doin'
when a fatboy's slippin'

425
00:15:32,897 --> 00:15:35,098
# What we're doin' when a

426
00:15:35,138 --> 00:15:37,140
# What we're doin' when
a fatboy's slippin'

427
00:15:37,180 --> 00:15:39,621
# What we're doin' when a

428
00:15:39,661 --> 00:15:41,982
# What we're doin' when
a fatboy's slippin'

429
00:15:42,022 --> 00:15:49,066
# What we're doin' when a

430
00:15:49,106 --> 00:15:51,947
# What we're doin' when
a fatboy's slippin'. #

431
00:15:51,987 --> 00:15:54,829
Oh, hello, there.
Don't you look fab?

432
00:15:54,869 --> 00:15:57,110
No ugly ducklings here, eh?

433
00:15:57,150 --> 00:15:58,191
We're not swans.

434
00:15:58,231 --> 00:15:59,311
Too many feathers.

435
00:15:59,351 --> 00:16:00,632
I said go easy on the feathers.

436
00:16:00,672 --> 00:16:02,393
Can I see your wee passes there?

437
00:16:02,433 --> 00:16:04,874
Lovely stuff. And you're the wee lad

438
00:16:04,914 --> 00:16:07,236
who got the shite kicked out of him,
is that right?

439
00:16:07,276 --> 00:16:08,316
Yeah.

440
00:16:08,356 --> 00:16:09,397
Fantastic.

441
00:16:09,437 --> 00:16:13,719
Welcome to the VIP suite.

442
00:16:16,601 --> 00:16:18,241
This is the best night of my life!

443
00:16:18,281 --> 00:16:20,042
So, I'll be looking after you
this evening.

444
00:16:20,082 --> 00:16:22,884
My name is Fintan,
but you can call me Fifi.

445
00:16:22,924 --> 00:16:25,285
Aye, that won't be happening.
Amazing.

446
00:16:25,325 --> 00:16:28,767
Excuse me, Finfin. The sweets, the
crisps, the drinks, you know, etc.

447
00:16:28,807 --> 00:16:30,088
They're free?

448
00:16:30,128 --> 00:16:31,288
Absolutely.

449
00:16:31,328 --> 00:16:32,569
See you in a bit, lads.

450
00:16:32,609 --> 00:16:35,411
So, just to let you know,
we told Norman your story.

451
00:16:35,451 --> 00:16:36,891
Norman? Norman, Norman?

452
00:16:36,931 --> 00:16:37,932
Fatboy Norman?

453
00:16:37,972 --> 00:16:40,974
Ah, sorry, no,
our security guard Norman.

454
00:16:41,014 --> 00:16:42,054
Right.

455
00:16:42,094 --> 00:16:44,415
Of course Fatboy Norman!
I couldn't help myself!

456
00:16:44,455 --> 00:16:46,216
Jesus, sure, I'm terrible!

457
00:16:46,256 --> 00:16:47,777
Aren't I terrible?

458
00:16:47,817 --> 00:16:49,138
What did he say?

459
00:16:49,178 --> 00:16:51,059
That he'd like to meet you.

460
00:16:51,099 --> 00:16:53,460
Do not fuck with us, Fifi.

461
00:16:53,500 --> 00:16:54,581
I'm serious.

462
00:16:54,621 --> 00:16:56,942
He's got a few minutes
before he goes on stage.

463
00:16:56,982 --> 00:16:58,263
Let me just go and grab him.

464
00:16:59,503 --> 00:17:00,784
When Norman gets out here,

465
00:17:00,824 --> 00:17:03,145
it is very important
that we don't be dicks.

466
00:17:03,185 --> 00:17:04,146
Got it.

467
00:17:04,186 --> 00:17:07,268
Wait a sec. Isn't there supposed
to be, like, five of you?

468
00:17:08,668 --> 00:17:09,909
Where's Clare gone?

469
00:17:09,949 --> 00:17:11,350
Oh, I'm gonna kill her.

470
00:17:14,591 --> 00:17:16,833
Well, hello, Coco.

471
00:17:16,873 --> 00:17:20,315
MUSIC: Build It Up, Tear It Down
by Fatboy Slim

472
00:17:32,241 --> 00:17:34,002
No!

473
00:17:35,363 --> 00:17:36,763
Clare, what is going on?!

474
00:17:36,803 --> 00:17:39,125
She's lezzie hunting,
that's what's going on.

475
00:17:39,165 --> 00:17:40,165
I love lezzie hunting.

476
00:17:40,205 --> 00:17:41,326
There's hundreds of them!

477
00:17:41,366 --> 00:17:42,366
That's good, isn't it?

478
00:17:42,406 --> 00:17:45,128
Not hundreds of lesbians, James,
hundreds of clowns!

479
00:17:45,168 --> 00:17:47,689
There's clowns to the left of me,
clowns to the right!

480
00:17:47,729 --> 00:17:48,890
It's like a clown shop!

481
00:17:48,930 --> 00:17:49,930
Or a circus.

482
00:17:49,970 --> 00:17:51,491
It's not the time for semantics!

483
00:17:51,531 --> 00:17:52,972
We need to go, Clare. Now. Come on.

484
00:17:53,012 --> 00:17:54,533
What about Laurie? Fuck Laurie.

485
00:17:54,573 --> 00:17:56,494
We're going to meet the actual
Fatboy Slim!

486
00:17:56,534 --> 00:17:58,495
Not without my lezzie!

487
00:17:59,776 --> 00:18:02,097
I thought we should have
a chat, because...

488
00:18:02,137 --> 00:18:05,098
Sorry, Gerry. I find it hard
to concentrate with...

489
00:18:05,138 --> 00:18:06,659
Yeah, of course.

490
00:18:06,699 --> 00:18:10,221
Could you take that thing off,
please, Joe?

491
00:18:10,261 --> 00:18:11,462
Joe.

492
00:18:14,744 --> 00:18:17,065
So, I thought we should have
a bit of a chat.

493
00:18:17,105 --> 00:18:18,065
Yeah, definitely.

494
00:18:18,105 --> 00:18:20,066
We should get to know each other
a bit.

495
00:18:20,106 --> 00:18:21,187
All the lads.

496
00:18:21,227 --> 00:18:23,548
I mean, we'll be family soon enough,
won't we?

497
00:18:23,588 --> 00:18:24,789
Nope.

498
00:18:24,829 --> 00:18:28,471
The thing is, Ciaran, we all know
Sarah can be a bit...

499
00:18:28,511 --> 00:18:30,232
I don't want to say
light in the pan. But...

500
00:18:30,272 --> 00:18:31,512
Too right you don't.

501
00:18:31,553 --> 00:18:33,874
..but she's different,
isn't she, Ciaran?

502
00:18:33,914 --> 00:18:36,155
She's different from other people.

503
00:18:36,195 --> 00:18:38,436
From, you know, normal people.

504
00:18:38,476 --> 00:18:39,677
She's the love of my life.

505
00:18:39,717 --> 00:18:42,038
Well, you're not the love of hers.
OK, thank you, Joe.

506
00:18:42,078 --> 00:18:44,399
What do you mean?
What does he mean, Gerry?

507
00:18:44,439 --> 00:18:47,601
The thing is, Ciaran, there's been
a bit of a misunderstanding,

508
00:18:47,641 --> 00:18:49,282
about the engagement.

509
00:18:49,322 --> 00:18:50,643
She's not calling it off, is she?

510
00:18:50,683 --> 00:18:51,843
Well done, Columbo.

511
00:18:51,883 --> 00:18:54,685
Why? Oh, Christ, she's met
someone else, hasn't she?

512
00:18:54,725 --> 00:18:56,406
Not exactly.

513
00:18:56,446 --> 00:18:59,047
Now, this is going to sound
a bit hard to believe,

514
00:18:59,087 --> 00:19:01,649
but the fact is, Ciaran, that when
you gave her the ring...

515
00:19:01,689 --> 00:19:03,369
God, Ciaran, are you still here?

516
00:19:03,409 --> 00:19:05,210
Sarah.

517
00:19:05,250 --> 00:19:07,812
I'm awful sorry, Ciaran, are you OK?

518
00:19:07,852 --> 00:19:09,653
Well, it's...

519
00:19:09,693 --> 00:19:11,254
..it's a lot to take in.

520
00:19:11,294 --> 00:19:14,215
Though I suppose you were always
spiritual in your own way.

521
00:19:14,255 --> 00:19:16,256
You're not angry with me, Ciaran,
are you?

522
00:19:16,296 --> 00:19:18,257
No. How could I be?

523
00:19:19,618 --> 00:19:21,099
A calling's a calling.

524
00:19:21,139 --> 00:19:22,660
Happy days.

525
00:19:24,621 --> 00:19:27,622
I'm... I'm going to...

526
00:19:27,662 --> 00:19:28,903
I should go.

527
00:19:30,784 --> 00:19:32,345
Goodbye, Sarah.

528
00:19:32,385 --> 00:19:35,026
Goodbye, Ciaran, and God bless.

529
00:19:39,069 --> 00:19:40,429
He's looking well on it, isn't he?

530
00:19:40,469 --> 00:19:41,630
Stop.

531
00:19:41,670 --> 00:19:42,710
Ciaran away, is he?

532
00:19:42,750 --> 00:19:44,071
Good costumes, girls.

533
00:19:44,111 --> 00:19:45,432
They look like the real thing.

534
00:19:45,472 --> 00:19:46,512
They are.

535
00:19:46,552 --> 00:19:48,954
Well, I still don't think they're
worth what we paid, Sarah.

536
00:19:48,994 --> 00:19:50,795
Them Sisters of Mercy saw us coming.

537
00:19:50,835 --> 00:19:52,316
PHONE RINGS

538
00:19:55,958 --> 00:19:57,518
Hello?

539
00:20:02,561 --> 00:20:04,282
When?

540
00:20:04,322 --> 00:20:05,803
How the hell are we meant
to find her?

541
00:20:05,843 --> 00:20:09,125
You can't exactly walk up to someone
and ask if they're a lesbian.

542
00:20:09,165 --> 00:20:12,166
Sorry, excuse me, are you a lesbian?

543
00:20:12,206 --> 00:20:13,287
I stand corrected.

544
00:20:13,327 --> 00:20:16,649
Three minutes until Fatboy Slim
is on this very stage, people.

545
00:20:16,689 --> 00:20:18,129
Three minutes!

546
00:20:18,169 --> 00:20:19,330
Come on, Clare!

547
00:20:19,370 --> 00:20:20,691
I think I love her, guys!

548
00:20:20,731 --> 00:20:21,891
Oh, wise up!

549
00:20:21,931 --> 00:20:23,092
We'll never find her on time.

550
00:20:23,132 --> 00:20:25,573
I say we just start whipping
people's masks off.

551
00:20:28,095 --> 00:20:29,175
Can I just...

552
00:20:29,215 --> 00:20:30,936
Sorry, my hand slipped.

553
00:20:30,976 --> 00:20:33,778
Sorry. Sorry.

554
00:20:33,818 --> 00:20:35,098
Can I see your face?

555
00:20:35,138 --> 00:20:36,499
No.

556
00:20:36,539 --> 00:20:38,780
Sorry! Sorry!

557
00:20:40,141 --> 00:20:42,622
One minute, people!

558
00:20:46,384 --> 00:20:49,586
Excuse me? Excuse me?

559
00:20:49,626 --> 00:20:52,027
Oh, could I just...

560
00:20:56,030 --> 00:20:58,031
I don't understand. How did you...?

561
00:20:58,071 --> 00:20:59,631
I tore up the tickets!

562
00:20:59,671 --> 00:21:01,432
I glued them back
together, motherfucker!

563
00:21:01,472 --> 00:21:02,513
Oh, I see.

564
00:21:02,553 --> 00:21:05,515
You are so fucking dead!

565
00:21:05,555 --> 00:21:07,035
Argh!

566
00:21:07,075 --> 00:21:08,636
Help me! Help me!

567
00:21:08,676 --> 00:21:09,957
Stupid fuck!

568
00:21:09,997 --> 00:21:12,238
Run for it, James!

569
00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:16,881
Security!

570
00:21:16,921 --> 00:21:18,682
Could someone help me, please?

571
00:21:18,722 --> 00:21:20,483
What in under Whitney?

572
00:21:21,683 --> 00:21:23,164
There's nothing wrong with him!

573
00:21:23,204 --> 00:21:24,605
He's a nutter!

574
00:21:24,645 --> 00:21:26,886
Lying wee shites!

575
00:21:26,926 --> 00:21:29,167
No, not the clown, the swans!

576
00:21:29,207 --> 00:21:31,128
Grab the swans!

577
00:21:31,168 --> 00:21:32,729
We're not swans!

578
00:21:36,811 --> 00:21:38,492
You'll be hearing
from our solicitors.

579
00:21:38,532 --> 00:21:40,173
We're shitting ourselves.

580
00:21:40,213 --> 00:21:42,654
Clare, what's going on?

581
00:21:42,694 --> 00:21:44,495
Give us a second here, would you?

582
00:21:46,056 --> 00:21:47,697
You're getting kicked out?
What for?

583
00:21:47,737 --> 00:21:48,978
Fighting.

584
00:21:49,018 --> 00:21:50,218
Oh, my God.

585
00:21:50,258 --> 00:21:53,740
That's a pity, cos I was sort of
planning on kissing you tonight.

586
00:21:53,780 --> 00:21:56,102
Is that a joke?

587
00:21:56,142 --> 00:21:57,462
I mean, cos it's fine.

588
00:21:57,502 --> 00:21:58,943
If-if-if-if, if it is a joke.

589
00:21:58,983 --> 00:21:59,984
I mean, it's hilarious,

590
00:22:00,024 --> 00:22:02,345
but I just wanted to check
in case it isn't.

591
00:22:10,509 --> 00:22:12,190
OK.

592
00:22:12,230 --> 00:22:14,792
Does this mean we're going steady?

593
00:22:14,832 --> 00:22:17,673
Heh-heh. Let's maybe see
how it goes.

594
00:22:17,713 --> 00:22:20,034
All right, Juliet and Juliet,
let's go.

595
00:22:20,074 --> 00:22:20,875
Knock it on the head.

596
00:22:20,915 --> 00:22:22,756
Thank you. I mean, sure!

597
00:22:22,796 --> 00:22:24,397
I mean, great! I mean...

598
00:22:24,437 --> 00:22:26,398
Bye, Clare.

599
00:22:26,438 --> 00:22:30,800
Ladies and gentlemen,
introducing Fatboy Slim!

600
00:22:30,840 --> 00:22:33,802
MUSIC: Right Here, Right Now
by Fatboy Slim

601
00:22:48,930 --> 00:22:50,410
Annoying wee bastards.

602
00:22:52,652 --> 00:22:54,973
Did Laurie plant the lips on you
back there?

603
00:22:55,013 --> 00:22:56,054
Yeah.

604
00:22:56,094 --> 00:22:57,374
We're going steady!

605
00:22:57,414 --> 00:22:58,895
Oh, my God, Clare, that's amazing!

606
00:22:58,935 --> 00:22:59,936
I know!

607
00:23:02,297 --> 00:23:03,297
Daddy?

608
00:23:05,659 --> 00:23:08,380
What's going on?
What are you doing here?

609
00:23:12,502 --> 00:23:14,183
Daddy, what is it? What's wrong?

610
00:23:14,223 --> 00:23:16,464
Clare, love...

611
00:23:17,625 --> 00:23:18,986
Your dad...

612
00:23:26,550 --> 00:23:29,111
What does that mean?

613
00:23:29,151 --> 00:23:30,912
I don't understand what that means.

614
00:23:30,952 --> 00:23:32,593
An aneurysm?

615
00:23:33,674 --> 00:23:35,394
I'm not sure.

616
00:23:37,115 --> 00:23:38,636
It's not good.

617
00:23:40,117 --> 00:23:41,998
But he'll be OK, won't he?

618
00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:46,640
He'll be OK.

619
00:24:00,008 --> 00:24:06,091
# We've come a long, long
way together

620
00:24:06,131 --> 00:24:11,654
# Through the hard times
and the good

621
00:24:11,694 --> 00:24:17,417
# I have to celebrate you, baby

622
00:24:17,457 --> 00:24:21,979
# I have to praise you like I should

623
00:24:24,060 --> 00:24:29,063
# We've come a long,
long way together

624
00:24:30,264 --> 00:24:36,027
# Through the hard times
and the good

625
00:24:36,067 --> 00:24:41,790
# I have to celebrate you, baby

626
00:24:41,830 --> 00:24:52,916
# I have to praise you like I should

627
00:24:52,956 --> 00:24:54,757
# Like I should

628
00:24:54,797 --> 00:24:58,839
# Praise you like I should

629
00:24:58,879 --> 00:25:00,600
# Like I should

630
00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:04,922
# Praise you like I should

631
00:25:10,485 --> 00:25:13,127
MUSIC: Praise You
by Fatboy Slim