1
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<font color="white">This programme contains</font>
<font color="white">very strong language.</font>

2
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<font color="white">Shauna Sharkey's niece works for the</font>
<font color="white">company, you see. </font><font color="yellow">Right.</font>

3
00:00:05,960 --> 00:00:09,080
<font color="white">Every voucher entitles you to</font>
<font color="white">a free item of make-up,</font>

4
00:00:09,120 --> 00:00:11,280
<font color="white">a lip liner, a mascara... </font><font color="yellow">Shite!</font>

5
00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:13,400
<font color="white">..an eyebrow pencil</font>
<font color="white">or what have you.</font>

6
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<font color="white">I nearly took her hand off, Mary.</font>
<font color="yellow">This is all I need. Gerry!</font>

7
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<font color="white">But there's a catch.</font>
<font color="yellow">I thought there might be.</font>

8
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<font color="white">The retailer will accept one voucher</font>
<font color="white">per customer only.</font>

9
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<font color="white">Now, what that means, Mary...</font>

10
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<font color="yellow">I know what it means, Sarah. Gerry!</font>

11
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<font color="white">It means I can't hand over</font>
<font color="white">22 vouchers and say,</font>

12
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<font color="white">"Give us 22 items."</font>

13
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<font color="white">No? </font><font color="yellow">Gerry!</font>

14
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<font color="white">But if we were to head up to town</font>
<font color="white">with a bag of disguises.</font>

15
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<font color="yellow">Bag of disguises?</font>
<font color="white">Couple of quick changes</font>

16
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<font color="white">in the Richmond Centre toilets.</font>
<font color="yellow">No chance! Gerry!</font>

17
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<font color="cyan">Gerry! </font><font color="white">But the offer ends</font>
<font color="white">today, Mary.</font>

18
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<font color="yellow">Gerry! </font><font color="white">Gerry!</font>

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<font color="cyan">Gerry! Gerry! </font><font color="yellow">Gerry! </font><font color="white">Gerry! </font><font color="cyan">Gerry!</font>

20
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<font color="lime">Was someone calling?</font>
<font color="white">Hot water's gone again.</font>

21
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<font color="cyan">That bloody boiler!</font>
<font color="yellow">We'll have to ring the plumber.</font>

22
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<font color="cyan">Mother, have you seen</font>
<font color="cyan">my fountain pen?</font>

23
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<font color="white">We're talking about free make-up</font>
<font color="white">here, Mary. </font><font color="yellow">The plumber?</font>

24
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<font color="yellow">The number's in my wee</font>
<font color="yellow">address book, Da.</font>

25
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<font color="cyan">I'm sick saying we need</font>
<font color="cyan">a new boiler.</font>

26
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<font color="white">Mammy, my fountain pen...</font>
<font color="lime">We can't afford a new boiler.</font>

27
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<font color="cyan">Tight hole!</font>
<font color="yellow">No, no, no, no, no!</font>

28
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<font color="white">And let's face it, you could be</font>
<font color="white">doing with a bit of bronzer, Mary.</font>

29
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<font color="cyan">I had it down here last night,</font>
<font color="cyan">remember? I was working on my novel.</font>

30
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<font color="yellow">It's on the phone table there.</font>
<font color="cyan">My fountain pen?</font>

31
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<font color="yellow">My address book! </font><font color="cyan">I'm not looking</font>
<font color="cyan">for your address book!</font>

32
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<font color="white">You'd give Casper a run for his</font>
<font color="white">money, no offence. </font><font color="yellow">Jesus Christ!</font>

33
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<font color="lime">I don't like strawberry Pop Tarts.</font>
<font color="lime">I like chocolate Pop Tarts.</font>

34
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<font color="cyan">Mammy? </font><font color="yellow">Pen? Right, here you go.</font>
<font color="yellow">Here's a pen.</font>

35
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<font color="cyan">That's a Biro. </font><font color="white">I mean, I've seen</font>
<font color="white">corpses that are a better colour.</font>

36
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<font color="cyan">I can't write with a Biro!</font>

37
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<font color="lime">Which means I end up eating them</font>
<font color="lime">out of pity.</font>

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<font color="cyan">You might as well ask Van Gogh</font>
<font color="cyan">to paint with a trowel.</font>

39
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<font color="yellow">Oh, shut up, shut up, shut up!</font>

40
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<font color="yellow">Will you all just please shut up?</font>
<font color="yellow">I am sick of it!</font>

41
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<font color="yellow">I am sick of the boiler</font>
<font color="yellow">and the vouchers</font>

42
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<font color="yellow">and the fountain pens</font>
<font color="yellow">and the bastardin' Pop Tarts.</font>

43
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<font color="yellow">I am sick of the fact</font>
<font color="yellow">that I am responsible</font>

44
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<font color="yellow">for everything in this house,</font>
<font color="yellow">you useless, useless shites!</font>

45
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<font color="yellow">Enough is enough. You can all sort</font>
<font color="yellow">yourselves out for once!</font>

46
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<font color="yellow">Now...</font>

47
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<font color="yellow">I'm going to go upstairs and have</font>
<font color="yellow">a long, hot soak in the bath.</font>

48
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<font color="yellow">And I do not want disturbed -</font>
<font color="yellow">is that understood?</font>

49
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<font color="lime">There's no hot water.</font>

50
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<font color="yellow">Christ almighty!</font>

51
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<font color="white">All right? Where's James?</font>

52
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<font color="yellow">Ach, Jesus Christ!</font>

53
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<font color="yellow">If I've left him on the bus again</font>
<font color="yellow">my ma's gonna go nuts.</font>

54
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<font color="lime">Hi, guys! Bye guys!</font>

55
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<font color="yellow">They're doing this 24-hour</font>
<font color="yellow">danceathon thing.</font>

56
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<font color="yellow">They haven't slept.</font>
<font color="white">What? Why are they so bouncy?</font>

57
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<font color="yellow">They're off their tits</font>
<font color="yellow">on lemon sherbet.</font>

58
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<font color="yellow">Seriously, between them and</font>
<font color="yellow">Marcel Marceau over here, I... Ugh!</font>

59
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<font color="white">How's it going?</font>

60
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<font color="white">You're really not gonna talk</font>
<font color="white">for 24 hours?</font>

61
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<font color="cyan">Yeah, that's tough.</font>
<font color="cyan">You're better off not breathing.</font>

62
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<font color="white">Would she be, Orla?</font>
<font color="white">Or...would she be dead?</font>

63
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<font color="cyan">It's not doing me any harm.</font>

64
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<font color="white">What? </font><font color="cyan">I'm not breathing</font>
<font color="cyan">for Children in Need.</font>

65
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<font color="white">That's happening now, is it,</font>
<font color="white">you're currently not breathing?</font>

66
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<font color="cyan">Correct.</font>

67
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<font color="white">Grand. Well, I am planning</font>
<font color="white">on visiting the hospital.</font>

68
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<font color="white">I'm going to read the sick kids</font>
<font color="white">some of my work.</font>

69
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<font color="yellow">No, Erin. Them wains</font>
<font color="yellow">have suffered enough.</font>

70
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<font color="white">Well, what's your great</font>
<font color="white">philanthropic plans?</font>

71
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<font color="yellow">In English, please?</font>

72
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<font color="white">What are you doing for</font>
<font color="white">Children in Need?</font>

73
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<font color="yellow">I might cut my hair.</font>

74
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<font color="yellow">Charlene Kavanagh made a shit ton</font>
<font color="yellow">when she done it last year,</font>

75
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<font color="yellow">and I'm trying to save</font>
<font color="yellow">for a holiday, so...</font>

76
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<font color="white">You can't keep the money, Michelle.</font>
<font color="white">You've to give it to the charity.</font>

77
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<font color="yellow">What? Do you not just give them</font>
<font color="yellow">the hair? Ah, fer...</font>

78
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<font color="lime">Hey, I passed! I passed!</font>

79
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<font color="yellow">What are you on about?</font>

80
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<font color="lime">My driving test. I...I passed.</font>

81
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<font color="white">You were doing your driving test?</font>

82
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<font color="lime">It's literally all I've talked about</font>
<font color="lime">for weeks. </font><font color="yellow">Jesus Christ, James!</font>

83
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<font color="yellow">There's only so many ways</font>
<font color="yellow">I can say this....</font>

84
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<font color="yellow">We. Don't. Listen. To. You.</font>

85
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<font color="lime">You've seen my instructor pick me up</font>
<font color="lime">at the school gates a dozen times!</font>

86
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<font color="lime">What did you think was going on?</font>

87
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<font color="yellow">I just thought he was some sort</font>
<font color="yellow">of creep.</font>

88
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<font color="white">Yet you didn't try to intervene?</font>

89
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<font color="yellow">You seemed happy enough. </font><font color="white">I see...</font>

90
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<font color="white">MUSIC: Intro to Feeling Hot Hot Hot</font>
<font color="white">by The Merrymen</font>

91
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<font color="white"># Ole, ole, ole, ole</font>

92
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<font color="white"># Ole, ole, ole, ole...</font>

93
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<font color="lime">Oh, God, please no!</font>

94
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<font color="white"># Feeling hot hot hot</font>

95
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<font color="white"># Feeling hot hot hot #.</font>

96
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<font color="white">No, no, no, no.</font>

97
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{\an1}<font color="white">MUSIC STOPS</font>

98
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<font color="white">Thank you, girls.</font>

99
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<font color="white">We won't forget that performance</font>
<font color="white">in a hurry...</font>

100
00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:14,760
<font color="white">..no matter how hard we try.</font>

101
00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:18,760
<font color="white">Now, amidst the merriment,</font>
<font color="white">it's easy to forget</font>

102
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<font color="white">there is a serious and rather</font>
<font color="white">depressing side to Children in Need,</font>

103
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<font color="white">mainly the fact that Father Peter</font>
<font color="white">has decided to come</font>

104
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<font color="white">and talk to us about it.</font>

105
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<font color="white">Father?</font>

106
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<font color="yellow">Holy Christ. That pony tail is gonna</font>
<font color="yellow">bring my breakfast up.</font>

107
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{\an1}<font color="white">SHE WRETCHES</font>

108
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<font color="cyan">Great stuff. Thank you, Sister.</font>

109
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<font color="cyan">Firstly, well done on the</font>
<font color="cyan">almighty effort so far.</font>

110
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<font color="cyan">We'll be announcing</font>
<font color="cyan">the grand total raised</font>

111
00:04:44,560 --> 00:04:47,000
<font color="cyan">at our Stars in their Eyes</font>
<font color="cyan">evening on Friday.</font>

112
00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:50,360
<font color="yellow">And tonight, Matthew, I'm gonna</font>
<font color="yellow">be...nowhere near that shit.</font>

113
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<font color="cyan">Fantastic way to round off this week</font>
<font color="cyan">of complete madness.</font>

114
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<font color="cyan">I don't know whose idea it was,</font>
<font color="cyan">but it was genius.</font>

115
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<font color="white">It was your idea. </font><font color="cyan">Ah, now.</font>

116
00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:00,520
<font color="white">You said, "Can we have a Stars</font>
<font color="white">in their Eyes night?"</font>

117
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<font color="cyan">Is that right?</font>
<font color="cyan">Well, sure, there you are.</font>

118
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<font color="white">And I said absolutely not.</font>
<font color="cyan">I see. Well, sure all's well...</font>

119
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<font color="white">And then you started begging.</font>
<font color="cyan">..that ends well, as they say.</font>

120
00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:09,440
<font color="white">At one point it looked like</font>
<font color="white">you were going to cry.</font>

121
00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:11,520
<font color="cyan">I think you've maybe slightly</font>
<font color="cyan">misremembered there.</font>

122
00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:14,360
<font color="cyan">And we've got a pretty exciting</font>
<font color="cyan">first prize lined up.</font>

123
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<font color="cyan">The winner will get a chance to...</font>

124
00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:20,680
<font color="cyan">Drum roll, please, Sister.</font>
<font color="white">Have you lost your actual mind?</font>

125
00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:23,720
<font color="cyan">..perform their song live on TV.</font>
<font color="cyan">What about that now?</font>

126
00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:26,440
{\an1}<font color="white">MICHELLE GASPS</font>

127
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<font color="yellow">Yes!</font>

128
00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:35,120
<font color="cyan">Sarah? Is that...</font>

129
00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:37,040
<font color="cyan">Are you wearing a wig?</font>

130
00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:40,000
<font color="yellow">I don't want to get into it, Gerry.</font>
<font color="cyan">Good, neither do I.</font>

131
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:41,920
<font color="cyan">I thought I'd nip back</font>
<font color="cyan">before Mary gets out of work</font>

132
00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:43,400
<font color="cyan">and give the place a bit of</font>
<font color="cyan">a going over.</font>

133
00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:45,640
<font color="yellow">She didn't go to work. </font><font color="cyan">What?</font>

134
00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:49,040
<font color="yellow">I don't know what's going on with</font>
<font color="yellow">her, Gerry, but I'm worried.</font>

135
00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:51,000
<font color="yellow">She's banging on about feminism.</font>

136
00:05:51,040 --> 00:05:53,600
<font color="yellow">She's talking about joining</font>
<font color="yellow">the Women's Coalition.</font>

137
00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:54,840
<font color="cyan">Oh, Jesus!</font>

138
00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:57,920
<font color="cyan">You all right there, love?</font>

139
00:05:57,960 --> 00:06:00,320
<font color="white">I've always wanted to read</font>
<font color="white">this book. </font><font color="cyan">Right.</font>

140
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:01,680
<font color="white">Never got around to it.</font>

141
00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:04,680
<font color="white">There was always something more</font>
<font color="white">"important" to do.</font>

142
00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:06,640
<font color="cyan">Oh, God, not the finger</font>
<font color="cyan">quoting thing.</font>

143
00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:08,760
<font color="yellow">I've said she doesn't need to worry</font>
<font color="yellow">about dinner.</font>

144
00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:10,320
<font color="yellow">I'm cooking tonight...</font>

145
00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:12,520
<font color="yellow">..as soon as I've defrosted</font>
<font color="yellow">this thing.</font>

146
00:06:12,560 --> 00:06:14,320
{\an1}<font color="white">HAIRDRYER HUMS</font>

147
00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:15,480
<font color="cyan">Fantastic!</font>

148
00:06:15,520 --> 00:06:16,680
{\an1}<font color="white">DOOR KNOCKS</font>
<font color="white">It's open!</font>

149
00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:18,280
<font color="white">There's gonna be some changes</font>
<font color="white">around here.</font>

150
00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:20,840
<font color="white">The highlight of my year shouldn't</font>
<font color="white">be a spate of good washing weather.</font>

151
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:23,880
<font color="white">I need some variety.</font>
<font color="white">Some spontaneity.</font>

152
00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:25,800
<font color="white">Jesus, I need some excitement!</font>

153
00:06:25,840 --> 00:06:27,360
<font color="lime">You called for a plumber?</font>

154
00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:29,760
<font color="white"># Need somebody...</font>

155
00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:32,520
<font color="white">MUSIC: </font><font color="cyan">You Might Need Somebody</font>
<font color="cyan">by Shola Oma</font>

156
00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:45,040
<font color="cyan">You're the plumber?</font>

157
00:06:45,080 --> 00:06:47,440
<font color="lime">That's right.</font>
<font color="cyan">You're not the usual fella.</font>

158
00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:50,000
<font color="lime">Frankie, no. Er, unfortunately</font>
<font color="lime">Frankie passed away.</font>

159
00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:51,760
<font color="yellow">Happy days.</font>

160
00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:53,320
<font color="lime">Yeah, sorry. I'm Gabriel.</font>

161
00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:55,840
<font color="white">Me too. </font><font color="lime">Excuse me?</font>

162
00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:58,280
<font color="white">Mary! Mary. I'm Mary.</font>

163
00:06:58,320 --> 00:07:00,600
<font color="white">A-and-and this is my husband, erm...</font>

164
00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:02,920
<font color="white">Oh! God!</font>

165
00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:04,400
<font color="cyan">Gerry. </font><font color="white">Right.</font>

166
00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:07,280
<font color="yellow">I'm Sarah.</font>
<font color="yellow">I'm completely unattached.</font>

167
00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:08,760
<font color="lime">OK.</font>

168
00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:11,400
<font color="cyan">Christ, but you're a fine looking</font>
<font color="cyan">specimen.</font>

169
00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:13,240
<font color="lime">Thank you. Um...</font>

170
00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:17,080
<font color="lime">Ah! Emily Bronte.</font>
<font color="lime">Wow, what a genius.</font>

171
00:07:17,120 --> 00:07:19,960
<font color="yellow">We'll have to take your word for it,</font>
<font color="yellow">Gabriel, for we don't know her.</font>

172
00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:24,960
<font color="white">You've read it? </font><font color="lime">It's, like, my</font>
<font color="lime">favourite novel. It's so romantic.</font>

173
00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:27,400
<font color="white">I wouldn't really...</font>
<font color="white">I've only started, I don't..</font>

174
00:07:27,440 --> 00:07:29,520
<font color="lime">All that forbidden desire.</font>

175
00:07:31,240 --> 00:07:34,840
<font color="lime">Not being allowed something just</font>
<font color="lime">makes you want it all the more...</font>

176
00:07:34,880 --> 00:07:36,920
<font color="lime">..I suppose.</font>

177
00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:38,360
<font color="white">Yip.</font>

178
00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:41,040
<font color="cyan">This boiler's not gonna fix itself</font>
<font color="cyan">now, is it, Gabriel?</font>

179
00:07:41,080 --> 00:07:42,640
<font color="cyan">After me...</font>

180
00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:48,560
<font color="yellow">Dear Jesus!</font>

181
00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:54,120
<font color="white">You said this was dicky, Michelle.</font>

182
00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:56,560
<font color="yellow">That was before</font>
<font color="yellow">the BBC Northern Ireland thing.</font>

183
00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:58,080
<font color="yellow">This could be life-changing.</font>

184
00:07:58,120 --> 00:08:00,280
<font color="yellow">You know, Pamela Anderson was just</font>
<font color="yellow">an ordinary girl</font>

185
00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:03,280
<font color="yellow">at a football match when</font>
<font color="yellow">a roving camera stuck her on</font>

186
00:08:03,320 --> 00:08:04,840
<font color="yellow">the big screen and then, boom.</font>

187
00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:06,760
<font color="cyan">Yeah, but she looks like</font>
<font color="cyan">Pamela Anderson.</font>

188
00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:08,120
<font color="yellow">OK, James,</font>

189
00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:10,560
<font color="yellow">it's hard for you to see it</font>
<font color="yellow">because we're related,</font>

190
00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:13,960
<font color="yellow">but I'm a ride.</font>
<font color="yellow">I am a massive fucking ride.</font>

191
00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:18,520
<font color="lime">Hey, guys.</font>
<font color="lime">Not thinking of entering, are you?</font>

192
00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:20,400
<font color="yellow">We might be.</font>

193
00:08:20,440 --> 00:08:22,560
<font color="lime">That's cute. </font><font color="cyan">So cute.</font>

194
00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:25,280
<font color="white">Oh, bring it on, bitches.</font>

195
00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:32,760
<font color="cyan">Christ, you'd need an A-level</font>
<font color="cyan">in chemistry</font>

196
00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:34,880
<font color="cyan">to decipher these instructions.</font>

197
00:08:34,920 --> 00:08:36,800
<font color="white">I'll take Gabriel up a cup of tea.</font>

198
00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:38,240
<font color="yellow">I think he's probably grand,</font>

199
00:08:38,280 --> 00:08:39,960
<font color="yellow">seeing as it's only about 60 seconds</font>

200
00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:41,680
<font color="yellow">since you brought him up the last</font>
<font color="yellow">one.</font>

201
00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:43,080
<font color="lime">He's such a civil fella, isn't he?</font>

202
00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:44,600
<font color="yellow">Oh, he's great altogether.</font>

203
00:08:44,640 --> 00:08:46,760
<font color="lime">You could have bagged yourself</font>
<font color="lime">a man like that, love.</font>

204
00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:48,640
<font color="white">Wise up, Daddy. Hardly.</font>
<font color="lime">It's true.</font>

205
00:08:48,680 --> 00:08:50,840
<font color="lime">Never understand why you settled</font>
<font color="lime">for thon thing.</font>

206
00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:53,280
<font color="white">Ach, I wouldn't be interested in</font>
<font color="white">a man like Gabriel, Daddy.</font>

207
00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:54,440
<font color="yellow">Thank you, love.</font>

208
00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:56,520
<font color="white">You'd be tortured,</font>
<font color="white">you'd be getting the women off.</font>

209
00:08:56,560 --> 00:08:57,600
<font color="cyan">Aye, true enough.</font>

210
00:08:57,640 --> 00:09:00,040
<font color="cyan">At least, with Gerry, you've none</font>
<font color="cyan">of that worry. </font><font color="yellow">Excuse me?</font>

211
00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:02,400
<font color="white">It's not just the looks thing.</font>
<font color="white">He's really bright, too.</font>

212
00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:03,840
<font color="white">That'd be intimidating, you know.</font>

213
00:09:03,880 --> 00:09:05,960
<font color="cyan">If you're that hot, you should at</font>
<font color="cyan">least have</font>

214
00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:08,200
<font color="cyan">the common decency to be</font>
<font color="cyan">a bit thick.</font>

215
00:09:08,240 --> 00:09:11,320
<font color="white">If I was with someone too clever,</font>
<font color="white">I'd feel all out of my depth.</font>

216
00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:13,960
<font color="lime">Um, fairly straightforward</font>
<font color="lime">in the end.</font>

217
00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:16,120
<font color="lime">I'm sure you probably could have</font>
<font color="lime">handled it, Gerry.</font>

218
00:09:16,160 --> 00:09:17,680
<font color="yellow">Oh, I doubt that very much, Gabriel,</font>

219
00:09:17,720 --> 00:09:19,600
<font color="yellow">what with me being</font>
<font color="yellow">of subnormal intelligence.</font>

220
00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:21,320
<font color="yellow">Sure, there's chimpanzees</font>
<font color="yellow">with more wit.</font>

221
00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:22,520
<font color="lime">That's no word of a lie.</font>

222
00:09:22,560 --> 00:09:24,400
<font color="white">You'll take a cup</font>
<font color="white">of tea before you go?</font>

223
00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:26,400
<font color="yellow">I'm sure the man has places</font>
<font color="yellow">to be, Mary.</font>

224
00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:27,520
<font color="lime">Ah, if you're making one.</font>

225
00:09:27,560 --> 00:09:29,880
<font color="cyan">Mary tells us you've just moved</font>
<font color="cyan">here, Gabriel.</font>

226
00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:31,960
<font color="lime">Yeah, that's right.</font>
<font color="lime">I'm from Kildare originally.</font>

227
00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:33,920
<font color="lime">Very sorry to hear that, son.</font>

228
00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:37,480
<font color="lime">Thank you. Yeah, me and the wife,</font>
<font color="lime">well, we separated recently.</font>

229
00:09:37,520 --> 00:09:40,120
<font color="cyan">God, that's terrible, so it is.</font>

230
00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:41,720
<font color="lime">I say separated.</font>

231
00:09:41,760 --> 00:09:44,040
<font color="lime">The truth is she ran off</font>
<font color="lime">with my friend.</font>

232
00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:46,240
<font color="cyan">Jesus, what must</font>
<font color="cyan">the friend look like?</font>

233
00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:47,960
<font color="lime">It was hard for my daughter,</font>

234
00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:50,280
<font color="lime">everyone knowing our business</font>
<font color="lime">and stuff. So...</font>

235
00:09:50,320 --> 00:09:52,520
<font color="white">She left your daughter behind?</font>
<font color="lime">Yeah.</font>

236
00:09:52,560 --> 00:09:53,880
<font color="white">And you're raising her? </font><font color="lime">Yeah.</font>

237
00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:55,240
<font color="lime">That must be tough, son.</font>

238
00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:56,760
<font color="lime">It's a privilege, Joe.</font>

239
00:09:56,800 --> 00:09:58,720
<font color="yellow">Oh, come on.</font>

240
00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:01,520
<font color="lime">She's 12 now. She says I baby her.</font>

241
00:10:01,560 --> 00:10:03,920
<font color="white">Mammy. The girls are gonna stay over</font>
<font color="white">tonight</font>

242
00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:06,560
<font color="white">because we need to rehearse because</font>
<font color="white">Jenny Joyce is such a...</font>

243
00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:07,920
<font color="white">Oh-ho-ho-ho.</font>

244
00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:09,320
<font color="yellow">Fuck me sideways.</font>

245
00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:10,600
<font color="white">Language, Michelle.</font>

246
00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:12,600
<font color="yellow">Ach, Mary, come on,</font>
<font color="yellow">that's ridiculous.</font>

247
00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:13,960
<font color="white">Even so. This is Gabriel,</font>

248
00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:16,960
<font color="white">our new plumber.</font>
<font color="white">This is our daughter, Erin.</font>

249
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:19,520
<font color="white">Well, hello there.</font>

250
00:10:19,560 --> 00:10:23,600
<font color="lime">Well, hello, Erin.</font>

251
00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:27,000
<font color="lime">And what age are you?</font>

252
00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:29,080
<font color="white">Not five?</font>

253
00:10:29,120 --> 00:10:30,760
<font color="yellow">I knew it was too good to be true.</font>

254
00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:32,720
<font color="yellow">I think the best thing we could do</font>
<font color="yellow">is just to get</font>

255
00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:34,760
<font color="yellow">the routine on its feet. </font><font color="white">I agree.</font>

256
00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:36,440
<font color="yellow">I know we're gonna smash</font>
<font color="yellow">this, girls.</font>

257
00:10:36,480 --> 00:10:37,760
<font color="yellow">We are gonna lift that trophy.</font>

258
00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:40,520
<font color="yellow">We are gonna perform live on</font>
<font color="yellow">the motherfucking BBC</font>

259
00:10:40,560 --> 00:10:43,280
<font color="yellow">and we're gonna wipe that smile off</font>
<font color="yellow">Jenny Joyce's stupid face.</font>

260
00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:44,680
<font color="white">Yeah.</font>

261
00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:46,200
<font color="cyan">Let's do it. </font><font color="yellow">Hit it!</font>

262
00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:47,800
{\an1}<font color="white">MUSIC DIES</font>

263
00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:51,320
<font color="yellow">How many times do I have</font>
<font color="yellow">to fucking explain it?</font>

264
00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:53,840
<font color="yellow">It is two steps forward,</font>
<font color="yellow">two steps back.</font>

265
00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:55,400
<font color="yellow">It couldn't be any fucking simpler.</font>

266
00:10:55,440 --> 00:10:56,920
<font color="yellow">What the fuck is wrong with you all?</font>

267
00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:59,240
<font color="cyan">You're the one that's out of time.</font>
<font color="yellow">Say that again, James,</font>

268
00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:00,840
<font color="yellow">and I will floor you.</font>
<font color="yellow">I will lay you out.</font>

269
00:11:00,880 --> 00:11:02,520
<font color="white">I think the first bit is</font>
<font color="white">pretty good.</font>

270
00:11:02,560 --> 00:11:03,840
<font color="yellow">The first bit's shite, Erin.</font>

271
00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:05,880
<font color="yellow">You look like you're</font>
<font color="yellow">being electrocuted,</font>

272
00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:09,320
<font color="yellow">and what the fuck do you think</font>
<font color="yellow">you're doing, Clare, the Haka?</font>

273
00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:11,880
<font color="yellow">Fuck!</font>

274
00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:14,280
<font color="lime">Come on, Mary.</font>
<font color="white">I can't, Gabriel.</font>

275
00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:15,880
<font color="lime">No-one needs to find out.</font>

276
00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:18,840
<font color="white">No, look, look,</font>
<font color="white">it's not like I'm not flattered.</font>

277
00:11:21,360 --> 00:11:24,320
<font color="lime">You call me when you change</font>
<font color="lime">your mind.</font>

278
00:11:24,360 --> 00:11:26,600
<font color="white">When? You're sure of yourself.</font>

279
00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:29,480
<font color="lime">I know how to get what I want.</font>

280
00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:37,680
<font color="cyan">Mary. I've got a bit of</font>
<font color="cyan">a vegetable situation going on here.</font>

281
00:11:37,720 --> 00:11:39,120
<font color="white">I'm coming!</font>

282
00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:47,560
<font color="white">It's not my fault your choreography</font>
<font color="white">is pedestrian, Michelle.</font>

283
00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:49,200
<font color="yellow">Kiss my actual hole, Erin.</font>

284
00:11:49,240 --> 00:11:51,120
<font color="cyan">Look, I think</font>
<font color="cyan">we all just need to calm down.</font>

285
00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:53,320
<font color="white">BOTH: </font><font color="lime">Piss off, James!</font>

286
00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:56,000
<font color="lime">OK, that, is it? I'm going solo.</font>

287
00:11:57,480 --> 00:11:59,400
<font color="yellow">Oh, Christ, here we go.</font>

288
00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:02,320
<font color="white">Screwdriver.</font>

289
00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:04,440
<font color="cyan">Um, bell. Apron.</font>

290
00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:07,320
<font color="yellow">Fanny. Big fanny?</font>

291
00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:12,880
<font color="yellow">Fanny pain. </font><font color="lime">The plumber was</font>
<font color="lime">trying to get off with Erin's ma.</font>

292
00:12:12,920 --> 00:12:14,880
<font color="lime">The plumber was trying</font>
<font color="lime">to get off with Erin's ma,</font>

293
00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:17,320
<font color="lime">and now I need to give all</font>
<font color="lime">of my sponsorship money back.</font>

294
00:12:17,360 --> 00:12:19,240
<font color="cyan">We're gonna need more</font>
<font color="cyan">details, Clare.</font>

295
00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:20,640
<font color="lime">I saw them together in the hall.</font>

296
00:12:20,680 --> 00:12:24,080
<font color="lime">He was whispering things to her,</font>
<font color="lime">you know, suggestive things.</font>

297
00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:26,240
<font color="white">My ma? He was coming onto my ma?</font>

298
00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:28,880
<font color="white">What is he, some sort of reverse</font>
<font color="white">paedophile?</font>

299
00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:30,400
<font color="yellow">I bet Mary told him where to go.</font>

300
00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:33,080
<font color="white">Not exactly.</font>

301
00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:36,560
<font color="cyan">How's rehearsals going, girls?</font>

302
00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:40,200
<font color="yellow">Um, I think mine might be</font>
<font color="yellow">a wee bit frozen.</font>

303
00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:42,320
<font color="cyan">It's called "al dente", Michelle.</font>

304
00:12:42,360 --> 00:12:44,600
<font color="yellow">Oh. Right.</font>

305
00:12:44,640 --> 00:12:46,960
<font color="cyan">You didn't have to dress</font>
<font color="cyan">for dinner, Mary.</font>

306
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,600
<font color="white">I'm not having dinner, Sarah.</font>
<font color="cyan">Why not?</font>

307
00:12:48,640 --> 00:12:50,240
<font color="white">Well, firstly, because I value my</font>
<font color="white">life,</font>

308
00:12:50,280 --> 00:12:51,640
<font color="white">and, secondly, I'm heading out.</font>

309
00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:52,920
<font color="white">Where?</font>

310
00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:55,880
<font color="white">Eileen Rafferty turned 50,</font>
<font color="white">so she's having this party.</font>

311
00:12:55,920 --> 00:12:59,120
<font color="cyan">Eileen Rafferty turned 50 last year,</font>
<font color="cyan">did she not?</font>

312
00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:01,800
<font color="white">Aye. Aye, well,</font>
<font color="white">if you'd let me finish,</font>

313
00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:04,360
<font color="white">she's having this party</font>
<font color="white">for her mother.</font>

314
00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:07,880
<font color="cyan">Did her mother not pass away there?</font>

315
00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:10,240
<font color="white">That's right, she did.</font>

316
00:13:10,280 --> 00:13:12,720
<font color="white">So we're just gonna...</font>
<font color="white">We're just gonna have</font>

317
00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:14,320
<font color="white">a couple of drinks in her memory.</font>

318
00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:15,680
<font color="cyan">Is Eileen not teetotal, Mary?</font>

319
00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:18,240
<font color="white">Oh, my God, how do you know</font>
<font color="white">so much about Eileen Rafferty?</font>

320
00:13:18,280 --> 00:13:19,720
<font color="white">What are you, a stalker?</font>

321
00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:21,880
<font color="cyan">If a woman's 50</font>
<font color="cyan">and there's not a wrinkle on her,</font>

322
00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:23,600
<font color="cyan">I take an interest, Mary.</font>

323
00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:28,640
<font color="white">Well, she'll be on</font>
<font color="white">the Fanta Orange.</font>

324
00:13:28,680 --> 00:13:31,480
{\an1}<font color="white">HORN BEEPS</font>
<font color="white">There's my taxi. See you later.</font>

325
00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:34,880
<font color="cyan">Fanta Orange, so that's her secret.</font>

326
00:13:34,920 --> 00:13:37,440
<font color="white">That Eileen Rafferty story did not</font>
<font color="white">add up, girls.</font>

327
00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:39,720
<font color="yellow">Do you think your ma's getting</font>
<font color="yellow">plumbed by the plumber?</font>

328
00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:42,520
<font color="lime">Well, I never trusted her,</font>
<font color="lime">not since the day I met her.</font>

329
00:13:42,560 --> 00:13:44,720
<font color="white">She's your auntie, Orla.</font>

330
00:13:44,760 --> 00:13:47,360
<font color="white">The day you met her</font>
<font color="white">you were a new-born baby.</font>

331
00:13:47,400 --> 00:13:48,760
<font color="lime">Exactly.</font>

332
00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:50,360
<font color="lime">He wrote something.</font>

333
00:13:50,400 --> 00:13:53,320
<font color="lime">There was a note.</font>
<font color="lime">She put it on the shelf.</font>

334
00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:55,080
<font color="white">It's an address.</font>

335
00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:56,640
<font color="yellow">Do you think it's his address?</font>

336
00:13:56,680 --> 00:13:58,600
<font color="yellow">Do you think your ma's meeting</font>
<font color="yellow">him there?</font>

337
00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:00,840
<font color="yellow">Do you think that's where</font>
<font color="yellow">they're going to do the deed?</font>

338
00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:03,240
<font color="yellow">By "do the deed" I mean ride.</font>
<font color="cyan">Yes, thank you, Michelle.</font>

339
00:14:03,280 --> 00:14:04,880
<font color="white">I have to get to</font>
<font color="white">the bottom of this.</font>

340
00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:07,040
<font color="lime">That's halfway up Pump Street.</font>
<font color="yellow">James can drive now.</font>

341
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:08,840
<font color="cyan">He doesn't have a car.</font>

342
00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:10,120
<font color="yellow">Your da does.</font>

343
00:14:10,160 --> 00:14:12,560
<font color="white">He'd never let us borrow it.</font>
<font color="yellow">He wouldn't have to know.</font>

344
00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:14,120
<font color="cyan">Absolutely not!</font>

345
00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:15,600
{\an1}<font color="white">HORNS HONK</font>

346
00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:17,480
<font color="lime">Couldn't he speed up a wee bit?</font>

347
00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:19,720
<font color="cyan">No, I couldn't!</font>
<font color="lime">Are we even moving?</font>

348
00:14:19,760 --> 00:14:22,200
<font color="cyan">I simply will not negotiate</font>
<font color="cyan">when it comes to road safety.</font>

349
00:14:28,920 --> 00:14:30,560
<font color="yellow">Christ, that's some gaff.</font>

350
00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:32,560
<font color="cyan">I think plumbers do all right,</font>
<font color="cyan">you know.</font>

351
00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:39,480
<font color="white">He's alone. She's not.</font>

352
00:14:49,160 --> 00:14:52,240
<font color="lime">Erin, are you OK?</font>

353
00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:01,520
<font color="white">What you need to do is bring it</font>
<font color="white">a bit more downstage.</font>

354
00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:03,520
<font color="white">No, no - downstage?</font>

355
00:15:03,560 --> 00:15:05,000
<font color="white">No, no - downstage!</font>

356
00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:07,640
<font color="white">How many times?</font>
<font color="white">Downstage is up, upstage is down.</font>

357
00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:09,200
<font color="lime">But that doesn't make any sense.</font>

358
00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:11,080
<font color="white">It's theatre. It's not supposed</font>
<font color="white">to make sense.</font>

359
00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:13,720
<font color="white">I need to speak to the</font>
<font color="white">stage manager.</font>

360
00:15:13,760 --> 00:15:15,240
<font color="yellow">What now?</font>

361
00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:17,080
<font color="white">OK, now...</font>

362
00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:19,000
<font color="white">With the smoke machine,</font>
<font color="white">when the contestants come out,</font>

363
00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:20,320
<font color="white">really go for it.</font>

364
00:15:20,360 --> 00:15:22,320
<font color="white">Don't be shy. Give it a good blast.</font>

365
00:15:22,360 --> 00:15:24,400
<font color="yellow">I'll give you a kick up the arse.</font>

366
00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:25,840
<font color="white">Testing, testing. One, two...</font>

367
00:15:25,880 --> 00:15:27,840
<font color="white">MUSIC: Got the Feelin' by Five</font>

368
00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:30,320
<font color="white"># Na na na na na na na nah</font>

369
00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:32,720
<font color="white"># Na na na na na na na</font>

370
00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:34,840
<font color="white"># Na na na na na na na nah</font>

371
00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:36,200
<font color="yellow"># La-la-la-la-la-la-la...</font>

372
00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:37,680
<font color="white"># Na na na na na na na</font>

373
00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:40,000
<font color="white"># Na na na na na na na nah</font>

374
00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:42,000
<font color="white"># Na na na na na na na #.</font>

375
00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:47,720
<font color="white">Hey, gang. Ready to do this thing?</font>

376
00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:49,320
<font color="cyan">Erin, we're just a bit worried.</font>

377
00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:50,640
<font color="white">Don't be.</font>

378
00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:53,000
<font color="white">We are going to smash it out there.</font>

379
00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:54,600
<font color="cyan">I don't mean the performance.</font>

380
00:15:54,640 --> 00:15:56,720
<font color="cyan">I mean, I'm also worried about</font>
<font color="cyan">the performance.</font>

381
00:15:56,760 --> 00:15:59,200
<font color="cyan">I've been having recurring</font>
<font color="cyan">nightmares about the performance.</font>

382
00:15:59,240 --> 00:16:00,720
<font color="lime">About last night, Erin...</font>

383
00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:02,040
<font color="yellow">Your ma and the plumber.</font>

384
00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:04,080
<font color="cyan">Maybe you should speak to her, Erin.</font>
<font color="white">And say what?</font>

385
00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:05,600
<font color="white">How could you do it?</font>

386
00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:07,400
<font color="white">How could you betray Daddy</font>
<font color="white">like that?</font>

387
00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:11,480
<font color="white">How could you make me doubt</font>
<font color="white">everything I ever thought I knew?</font>

388
00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:14,280
<font color="white">Who even are you, Mammy?</font>

389
00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:16,040
<font color="white">And shimmy.</font>

390
00:16:16,080 --> 00:16:18,200
<font color="yellow">Four, please.</font>
<font color="lime">No bother at all.</font>

391
00:16:18,240 --> 00:16:21,320
<font color="white">Once you've bought the tickets,</font>
<font color="white">you've donated to the charity.</font>

392
00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:24,120
<font color="white">You don't actually have</font>
<font color="white">to sit through this ordeal.</font>

393
00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:27,000
<font color="yellow">Our girls are performing. </font><font color="white">And?</font>

394
00:16:27,040 --> 00:16:28,720
<font color="yellow">Well, we'd like to see them. </font><font color="white">Oh!</font>

395
00:16:28,760 --> 00:16:31,320
<font color="white">CB RADIO: </font><font color="cyan">Sister Michael,</font>
<font color="cyan">you're needed backstage ASAP, over.</font>

396
00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:34,360
<font color="white">Sorry, just let me deal with this.</font>

397
00:16:34,400 --> 00:16:35,840
<font color="white">Ahem!</font>

398
00:16:37,640 --> 00:16:41,240
<font color="cyan">Let's welcome our first contestant,</font>
<font color="cyan">Miss Tina O'Connell.</font>

399
00:16:44,280 --> 00:16:46,680
<font color="cyan">Hello, there, Tina.</font>

400
00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:48,080
<font color="white">All right?</font>

401
00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:51,440
<font color="cyan">Now, you've been a fan</font>
<font color="cyan">of this artist for some time.</font>

402
00:16:51,480 --> 00:16:53,360
<font color="cyan">Is that correct?</font>

403
00:16:53,400 --> 00:16:55,080
<font color="white">Aye.</font>

404
00:16:55,120 --> 00:16:56,600
<font color="cyan">Great stuff.</font>

405
00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:59,240
<font color="cyan">Now, we'll give a few clues about</font>
<font color="cyan">that person in just a moment.</font>

406
00:16:59,280 --> 00:17:03,760
<font color="cyan">Now, I believe you first realised</font>
<font color="cyan">you sounded like this person</font>

407
00:17:03,800 --> 00:17:05,880
<font color="cyan">when you were in the bath.</font>

408
00:17:05,920 --> 00:17:07,360
<font color="white">Aye.</font>

409
00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:09,520
<font color="cyan">Would you like to tell us</font>
<font color="cyan">about that?</font>

410
00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:11,760
<font color="white">I was singing in the bath</font>
<font color="white">and my ma heard me and she said,</font>

411
00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:13,840
<font color="white">"Tina, you sound a bit</font>
<font color="white">like Meat Loaf."</font>

412
00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:16,800
<font color="cyan">There's no, need for the clues now,</font>
<font color="cyan">Tina, is there?</font>

413
00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:18,360
<font color="cyan">Who are you gonna be tonight, Tina?</font>

414
00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:19,760
<font color="white">Tonight, Father... </font><font color="cyan">Matthew.</font>

415
00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:22,800
<font color="white">Tonight, Father Matthew...</font>
<font color="cyan">No, just Matthew, like in the show.</font>

416
00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:24,200
<font color="cyan">Seen the show, haven't you, Tina?</font>

417
00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:26,440
<font color="white">Tonight, Matthew,</font>
<font color="white">I'm going to be Meat Loaf.</font>

418
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:38,440
<font color="white"># I would do anything for love,</font>
<font color="white">but I won't do that</font>

419
00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:40,800
<font color="cyan">Sorry we're late.</font>

420
00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:43,040
<font color="white"># No, I won't do that</font>

421
00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:48,120
<font color="cyan">Gabriel, it's yourself.</font>

422
00:17:48,160 --> 00:17:49,760
<font color="lime">I hope you don't mind me</font>
<font color="lime">gate-crashing.</font>

423
00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:52,640
<font color="lime">Mary mentioned it and I thought</font>
<font color="lime">the little one might enjoy it.</font>

424
00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:55,480
<font color="cyan">Mind? Not at all.</font>
<font color="cyan">Sure why would I mind?</font>

425
00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:58,480
<font color="white"># And some days it don't come hard</font>

426
00:17:58,520 --> 00:18:02,400
<font color="white"># Some days it don't come at all,</font>
<font color="white">and these are the days...#</font>

427
00:18:02,440 --> 00:18:04,960
<font color="yellow">God, I would just like to</font>
<font color="yellow">take this opportunity</font>

428
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:07,600
<font color="yellow">to thank you for our friendship,</font>

429
00:18:07,640 --> 00:18:12,160
<font color="yellow">and for the fact that this costume</font>
<font color="yellow">makes my rack look so, so cracker.</font>

430
00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:14,040
<font color="lime">Amen.</font>

431
00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:19,360
<font color="white"># Stay with me</font>

432
00:18:23,680 --> 00:18:31,800
<font color="white"># Stay with me</font>

433
00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:36,240
<font color="yellow"># You'd better hope and pray</font>
<font color="yellow">that you make it safe</font>

434
00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:38,560
<font color="yellow"># Back to your own world...#</font>

435
00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:58,000
<font color="cyan">Please welcome to the stage, Erin,</font>
<font color="cyan">Orla, Clare, Michelle and James.</font>

436
00:18:58,040 --> 00:19:00,320
{\an1}<font color="white">APPLAUSE</font>

437
00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:03,560
<font color="cyan">The act you're going to perform</font>
<font color="cyan">for us tonight,</font>

438
00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:05,440
<font color="cyan">well, they're absolutely huge.</font>

439
00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:06,920
<font color="yellow">That's right, Peter. </font><font color="cyan">Matthew.</font>

440
00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:08,800
<font color="yellow">Matthew! Shit! I got it right in</font>
<font color="yellow">rehearsal, I just...</font>

441
00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:11,200
<font color="cyan">It doesn't matter. </font><font color="yellow">No, I fucked it.</font>

442
00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:13,520
<font color="cyan">OK. Give us some clues, girls.</font>

443
00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:17,640
<font color="lime">Well, Peter... They are English,</font>
<font color="lime">but we still like them.</font>

444
00:19:17,680 --> 00:19:20,960
<font color="white">They're also probably better known</font>
<font color="white">by their nicknames.</font>

445
00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:23,800
<font color="cyan">Which are? And I think this just</font>
<font color="cyan">might give it away now.</font>

446
00:19:23,840 --> 00:19:26,440
<font color="white">Ginger! </font><font color="cyan">Baby! </font><font color="yellow">Sporty!</font>

447
00:19:26,480 --> 00:19:28,360
<font color="white">Scary and Posh!</font>

448
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:34,720
<font color="white">TOGETHER: Tonight, Matthew,</font>
<font color="white">we're gonna be The Spice Girls!</font>

449
00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:36,800
<font color="cyan">Girl power!</font>

450
00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:38,640
{\an1}<font color="white">APPLAUSE</font>

451
00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:43,640
<font color="white">MUSIC INTRO: Who Do You Think</font>
<font color="white">You Are by The Spice Girls</font>

452
00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:46,680
<font color="white">CHEERING AND APPLAUSE</font>

453
00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:04,760
{\an1}<font color="white">THEY MIME</font>

454
00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:08,720
<font color="white"># The race is on to get</font>
<font color="white">out of the bottom</font>

455
00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:12,640
<font color="cyan"># The top is high so your roots</font>
<font color="cyan">are forgotten</font>

456
00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:16,560
<font color="yellow"># Giving is good,</font>
<font color="yellow">as long as you're getting</font>

457
00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:20,160
<font color="lime"># What's driving you is ambition,</font>
<font color="lime">I'm betting.</font>

458
00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:25,880
<font color="white"># I said-a who-oo-oo</font>
<font color="white">do you think you are?</font>

459
00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:28,000
<font color="yellow"># Do you think you are?</font>

460
00:20:28,040 --> 00:20:30,640
<font color="white"># I said-a who-oo-oo?</font>

461
00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:34,320
<font color="white"># Some kind of superstar?</font>

462
00:20:34,360 --> 00:20:36,840
<font color="yellow"># You have got to</font>

463
00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:40,800
<font color="white"># Swing it, shake it, move it,</font>
<font color="white">make it, who do you think you are?</font>

464
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:44,840
<font color="white"># Trust it, use it, prove it,</font>
<font color="white">groove it, show me how good you are</font>

465
00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:48,720
<font color="white"># Swing it, shake it, move it,</font>
<font color="white">make it, who do you think you are?</font>

466
00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:54,360
<font color="white"># Trust it, use it, prove it,</font>
<font color="white">groove it, show how good you are</font>

467
00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:55,720
<font color="yellow">Are they good?</font>

468
00:20:57,480 --> 00:20:59,040
<font color="yellow">How are they good?!</font>

469
00:21:01,680 --> 00:21:05,560
<font color="cyan"># You're swelling out</font>
<font color="cyan">in the wrong direction</font>

470
00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:09,800
<font color="white"># You've got the bug, superstar,</font>
<font color="white">you've been bitten</font>

471
00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:13,680
<font color="lime"># Your trumpet's blowing</font>
<font color="lime">for far too long</font>

472
00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:17,840
<font color="yellow"># Climbing the snake up the ladder,</font>
<font color="yellow">but you're wrong</font>

473
00:21:17,880 --> 00:21:19,520
{\an1}<font color="white">MARY GIGGLES</font>

474
00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:21,120
{\an1}<font color="white">MUSIC FADES</font>

475
00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:23,200
<font color="white">DISTORTED: # ...do you think</font>
<font color="white">you are?</font>

476
00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:25,240
<font color="white"># Do you think you are?</font>

477
00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:27,880
<font color="white"># I said, who-oo-oo?</font>

478
00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:29,280
{\an1}<font color="white">MUSIC RETURNS</font>

479
00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:31,040
<font color="white"># Some kind of superstar?</font>

480
00:21:31,080 --> 00:21:32,720
<font color="cyan">Michelle? </font><font color="yellow">Keep on going!</font>

481
00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:36,800
{\an1}<font color="white">BACKING TRACK CONTINUES</font>

482
00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:38,920
{\an1}<font color="white">THEY STRUGGLE TO CONTINUE</font>

483
00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:41,920
<font color="yellow">Fuck!</font>

484
00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:47,760
{\an1}<font color="white">MUSIC STOPS</font>

485
00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:49,560
<font color="yellow">Erin? </font><font color="white">Leave me alone!</font>

486
00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:50,920
<font color="yellow">Erin, love, what's wrong?</font>

487
00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:53,160
<font color="white">Don't you "Erin, love" me!</font>
<font color="yellow">I'm sorry?</font>

488
00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:54,880
<font color="white">I know what you've been up to.</font>

489
00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:57,000
<font color="lime">Our secret lottery numbers, Mary.</font>

490
00:21:57,040 --> 00:21:58,520
<font color="cyan">You do secret lottery numbers?</font>

491
00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:01,120
<font color="white">I know about you and Gabriel.</font>
<font color="yellow">What? </font><font color="cyan">What?</font>

492
00:22:01,160 --> 00:22:04,520
<font color="white">Clare heard you arranging your</font>
<font color="white">dirty little rendezvous.</font>

493
00:22:04,560 --> 00:22:06,120
<font color="lime">All right, Mary, how's it going?</font>

494
00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:08,200
<font color="white">Admit it, Gabriel - you're just</font>
<font color="white">a pervert</font>

495
00:22:08,240 --> 00:22:10,720
<font color="white">with a jazzy-jumpered Ma fetish!</font>

496
00:22:10,760 --> 00:22:12,680
<font color="lime">I'd rather not admit that,</font>
<font color="lime">if you don't mind.</font>

497
00:22:12,720 --> 00:22:14,680
<font color="white">I know you went to his fancy house.</font>

498
00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:19,640
<font color="yellow">I've never been to his house!</font>
<font color="white">We saw you, Mammy. Stop lying!</font>

499
00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:21,720
<font color="yellow">Oh...</font>

500
00:22:21,760 --> 00:22:24,240
<font color="yellow">Oh, God! </font><font color="white">You're having an affair</font>
<font color="white">with the plumber!</font>

501
00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:26,560
<font color="cyan">You're having an affair with</font>
<font color="cyan">Frankie? </font><font color="yellow">Frankie's dead, Da.</font>

502
00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:28,360
<font color="cyan">Gabriel. She's having an affair</font>
<font color="cyan">with Gabriel!</font>

503
00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:30,120
<font color="lime">How the hell did you manage that?</font>

504
00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:31,600
<font color="yellow">I'm not having an affair</font>
<font color="yellow">with Gabriel!</font>

505
00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:32,800
<font color="lime">Just tell them the truth, Mary.</font>

506
00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:36,680
<font color="cyan">Oh, should she, now?</font>
<font color="cyan">You absolute bastard!</font>

507
00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:37,720
<font color="cyan">Prick!</font>

508
00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:40,160
<font color="lime">Hey, that's enough of that now.</font>
<font color="lime">Stop it! </font><font color="cyan">Make me!</font>

509
00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:42,960
<font color="white">If one of you doesn't hit</font>
<font color="white">the other one soon...</font>

510
00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:44,440
<font color="white">..I'll knock the pair of you out.</font>

511
00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:46,760
<font color="lime">Do it, Granda! </font><font color="yellow">Pack it in!</font>

512
00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:48,680
<font color="yellow">Look, when Gabriel was fixing</font>
<font color="yellow">the boiler,</font>

513
00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:50,600
<font color="yellow">I brought him up a couple of cups</font>
<font color="yellow">of tea.</font>

514
00:22:50,640 --> 00:22:52,600
<font color="cyan">Couple of dozen! </font><font color="yellow">We got chatting.</font>

515
00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:54,160
<font color="cyan">Jesus...Christ!</font>

516
00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:57,240
<font color="yellow">He told me that he was taking these</font>
<font color="yellow">night classes in English literature.</font>

517
00:22:57,280 --> 00:22:58,880
<font color="yellow">He wants to do a degree.</font>

518
00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:00,720
<font color="yellow">He convinced me to come along</font>
<font color="yellow">and check it out.</font>

519
00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:03,240
<font color="yellow">That house was the</font>
<font color="yellow">tutor's house, Erin!</font>

520
00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:04,720
<font color="yellow">There was eight other people there.</font>

521
00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:06,400
<font color="white">So why were you drinking wine,</font>
<font color="white">Mammy?</font>

522
00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:09,160
<font color="yellow">Because everybody was drinking wine.</font>

523
00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:10,840
<font color="yellow">There was cheese as well.</font>

524
00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:12,480
<font color="lime">Blue stuff. Stinking!</font>

525
00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:13,760
<font color="yellow">So stinking.</font>

526
00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:16,360
<font color="cyan">I don't understand why you wouldn't</font>
<font color="cyan">just tell me.</font>

527
00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:17,800
<font color="lime">Why the hell should she have</font>
<font color="lime">to tell you?</font>

528
00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:20,080
<font color="yellow">Da, please!</font>
<font color="lime">The fella's a control freak, Mary.</font>

529
00:23:20,120 --> 00:23:23,200
<font color="lime">Is it any wonder you had an affair?</font>
<font color="yellow">I didn't have an affair!</font>

530
00:23:23,240 --> 00:23:25,760
<font color="yellow">I didn't want to say</font>
<font color="yellow">anything, because...</font>

531
00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:29,800
<font color="yellow">Because, well, the idea that someone</font>
<font color="yellow">like me could go back to school,</font>

532
00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:32,600
<font color="yellow">the idea that someone like me might</font>
<font color="yellow">even go to university,</font>

533
00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:34,200
<font color="yellow">well, it didn't seem possible.</font>

534
00:23:34,240 --> 00:23:36,920
<font color="yellow">I thought there's no point in</font>
<font color="yellow">telling anybody about all this</font>

535
00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:39,280
<font color="yellow">because it's not actually</font>
<font color="yellow">going to happen.</font>

536
00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:41,680
<font color="yellow">It's...it's not real.</font>

537
00:23:41,720 --> 00:23:43,080
<font color="cyan">Well...</font>

538
00:23:43,120 --> 00:23:45,280
<font color="cyan">..let's make it real,</font>
<font color="cyan">if it's what you want.</font>

539
00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:49,760
<font color="yellow">Do you mean that?</font>

540
00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:54,960
<font color="cyan">There's nothing you can't do,</font>
<font color="cyan">love - nothing.</font>

541
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:58,840
<font color="lime">Absolute arsehole.</font>

542
00:23:58,880 --> 00:24:01,600
<font color="white">How could you, Mammy?</font>

543
00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:06,040
<font color="white">I wanted to be the first person</font>
<font color="white">in our family to go to university,</font>

544
00:24:06,080 --> 00:24:10,600
<font color="white">and now you're absolutely stealing</font>
<font color="white">my thunder.</font>

545
00:24:10,640 --> 00:24:13,200
<font color="cyan">Really, Erin?</font>

546
00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:17,960
<font color="yellow"># Stay with me</font>

547
00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:24,160
<font color="cyan"># You'd better hope and pray</font>
<font color="cyan">that you make it safe...#</font>

548
00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:26,720
<font color="yellow">She hasn't got a fucking note</font>
<font color="yellow">in her head!</font>

549
00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:29,880
<font color="white">This went next door by mistake.</font>
<font color="white">Looks like a speeding notice.</font>

550
00:24:29,920 --> 00:24:31,160
<font color="cyan">Speeding notice?</font>

551
00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:33,000
<font color="white">No, it's the opposite</font>
<font color="white">of a speeding notice.</font>

552
00:24:33,040 --> 00:24:35,360
<font color="white">It says our car was driving</font>
<font color="white">dangerously slowly</font>

553
00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:37,960
<font color="white">over Craigavon Bridge</font>
<font color="white">on Tuesday night.</font>

554
00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:39,840
<font color="white">You said you were in</font>
<font color="white">on Tuesday night.</font>

555
00:24:39,880 --> 00:24:41,320
<font color="cyan">I was. I was watching Taggart.</font>

556
00:24:41,360 --> 00:24:43,800
<font color="white">Are you having an affair?</font>

557
00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:45,160
<font color="white">Is that what's going on here?</font>

558
00:24:45,200 --> 00:24:46,560
<font color="yellow">Let's go!</font>

559
00:24:46,600 --> 00:24:50,520
<font color="white"># I would do anything for love</font>

560
00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:52,160
<font color="white"># I'd run right into hell and back</font>

561
00:24:55,800 --> 00:24:57,400
<font color="white"># And I would do anything for love</font>

562
00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:02,920
<font color="white"># But I won't do that</font>

563
00:25:05,360 --> 00:25:07,720
<font color="white"># No, I won't do that #.</font>

564
00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:11,040
<font color="white">Subtitles by Red Bee Media</font>