[Merle Haggard's "Workin' Man Blues" plays]
[host] Everybody, welcome the very funny Dusty Slay!
[audience cheers]
♪ It's a big job getting by ♪
♪ With nine kids and a wife ♪
♪ But I've been working, man Dang near all my life… ♪
Okay. All right. We're having a good time.
Okay. I'm pumped to be here.
Pumped to be here, pumped to be out on the road, staying at hotels.
It's fun. I'm back in a hotel. And I love a hotel.
Know what I mean? But I don't always get the best hotels.
I was at a hotel not too long ago,
they had a sign inside the room that said,
"Not responsible for stolen items."
So I took some stuff. You know what I mean?
I'm like, "I'm not responsible either. I don't even work here."
"Hell. I've been needing a lamp with some plugs on it."
You know what I mean?
Tired of plugging my stuff into a wall at home.
Know what I mean?
It's tough to find a lamp with USB ports on it. You know?
When you find one, you take it. That's what I always say. All right.
Okay. We're having a good time.
I like to tell people we're having a good time, you know?
I don't like to ask.
[audience laughing]
Lot of comics come out here. They go, "Are we having a good time?"
Not me. I can't risk it. You know what I mean?
You never know how it's gonna go.
I like to tell you that we're having a good time here.
So I got a new TV.
Recently I got a lamp, I got a TV, and, uh…
TV not from a hotel, and, uh…
It had been a long time since I upgraded and I wanted to get rid of the old one,
but I didn't wanna throw it away so I decided I'd take it to Goodwill.
And I showed up at Goodwill with this old TV,
and the Goodwill guy was like, "Nah."
He said, "We don't take TVs like that anymore."
But they did take it.
Later that night when they were closed. You know what I mean?
Just drop that thing right off.
I'm not getting rejected from Goodwill, is what I'm telling you.
Not today. Not any day. That's a gift.
You don't turn down a gift.
I didn't get my receipt. So I won't be able to claim that on my taxes.
It'll be a tough year.
You ever do that? Drop off clothes at Goodwill, they're like,
"You want a receipt?"
I'm like, "No. I don't want proof I ever owned these clothes."
It's like, "You see what I'm wearing."
"Imagine what I'm giving away for free."
"Imagine what I'm too good for." You know what I mean?
Like, "I bought these clothes here last year at this Goodwill."
Okay? All right.
I like to get picture frames at Goodwill.
Sometimes you get a good deal on a frame.
And sometimes you can get pictures of other people's family.
I don't know how that happens.
People are like, "Well, I'm done with this frame
and this family."
"Yeah, they mean a lot to me,
but not enough to bend a staple in the back."
"Don't have that kind of time."
"Can't be bending staples all day."
Okay. We're having a good time. I, uh…
I like to wave like this. I do this a lot. I wave like this at the end of a joke,
just to let you know that joke's over.
Lot of times you'll know 'cause you'll be laughing.
Other times I'll have to give you one of these.
I got a lot going on up here.
I like to touch my hat, my glasses, my belt.
I'm like a third base coach up here and, uh…
Know what I mean? Just trying to get you home.
[scattered applause]
Okay. We're having a good time.
I do like this hat.
I got this hat at Goodwill. Not this one, but one like it. And, um…
I like this hat 'cause it changes me.
A lot of people don't know it changes me 'cause you haven't seen me without it.
But if I take this hat off, you're like, "Oh, man."
"I bet that guy likes rock music right there."
Right? If I put this hat on, you're like, "Nah. He's got a rock collection."
Know what I mean?
[laughs] Okay. If I take this hat off, you're like,
"That guy looks like the lead singer from the rock band Korn."
I put this hat on, you're like, "Nah. He grows corn."
That's right. We're having a good time.
[chuckles]
If I take this hat off, you're like, "I bet that guy smokes weed."
I put this hat on, you're like, "Nah. That guy definitely smokes weed."
This hat can't change everything. It's…
not a magic hat.
How many people thought my hair was attached to this hat?
-[audience applauds and cheers] -Yeah. All right.
A lot of people think that, a lot of people, actually.
Lot of people tell me I look like Forrest Gump
after he ran for a long time.
I wish that were a newer movie. That would be a great joke.
One guy commented on a YouTube video I had.
He said, "He looks like the guy that comes out to say a prayer
before the NASCAR race begins."
I don't know what that means entirely, but I will do it.
I will do it.
Well, my hair feels pretty good today 'cause I've been at a hotel.
And when I'm at a hotel, I use a lot of shampoo. Know what I mean?
'Cause it's free and it's a good time.
But, you know, I love a hotel.
I like a hotel that's a little shady though.
Know what I mean? I like to fit in.
I like to pull up out front,
there'd be people there smoking cigarettes.
Like, I don't want people OD'ing out front,
but I would like them to be doing some drugs.
I like to walk by a room and smell weed coming outta there.
That way, I know what's allowed. You know?
That way, when the front desk calls my room later and goes,
"We smell weed," I go, "Me too."
"Me too. Doesn't bother me, but I appreciate you checking with me."
"I'll let you know if I need anything, but don't come up here. We're fine."
I stayed at one hotel. Nothing worked. The elevator didn't work.
Finally got to my room and the Wi-Fi didn't work.
So I went downstairs. Like, "The Wi-Fi doesn't work."
He was like, "Yeah. It's a little shaky, but the network name is 'Ramada Inn 1.'"
That's when I realized why it was shaky.
'Cause we weren't at a Ramada Inn.
I could see the Ramada Inn through the window.
He was like, "But it works good here in the lobby."
"Why don't you just use it here?"
I'm like, "Obviously you don't know what I need Wi-Fi for."
[audience groans and laughs]
"I'm not working on a spreadsheet up here, buddy."
[scattered applause]
Man, I'm stressed out. You know what I mean? Okay.
We're having a good time.
You ever check into an old hotel and plug your phone charger in the wall,
and then it just falls out on the floor?
So, what's going on with those plugs? You know?
Who's stretching out all the plugs?
Know what I mean? Why they all wore out like that?
Who's got these big phone chargers out here?
That's what I'm saying. I got a regular-size phone charger.
Now I'm not even making a connection.
Walking around with a half-charged phone all day.
I'm just saying, don't stretch out the plugs for everybody else.
You may not be the last one to use that plug.
I like a snug plug. You know what I mean?
[audience member laughs loudly]
Yeah, okay. We're having a good time here.
All right. We're having a good time.
I stayed at a casino hotel one time. I've stayed at a lot of hotels.
I stayed at a casino hotel. They had a sign in the room.
Had a list of everything you could steal and how much it cost. All right?
That way, if you steal something, they'll charge it to your account.
I guess to keep you from stealing,
but they had an ironing board on there for like $20.
I was like, "That seems like a good deal to me."
I don't buy a lot of ironing boards, so I don't know.
But $20 seems cheap to me. Right?
Plus, who's bold enough to steal an ironing board from a hotel?
A lamp? That's easy. You just put that in your bag.
You might not get the shade, but you get the lamp.
An ironing board? You're at check-out like, "No. I had this when I came in."
"Yeah. It does look a lot like yours,
but I always carry an ironing board with me."
"Good thing because there's not one in that room."
"You can check. It ain't in there."
I don't even know how to iron.
This is the best I ever look. Somebody ironed this for me.
I know how it works. You know?
You plug it into the lamp and then you…
Do it like that, but I can't get the wrinkles out.
A lot of hotels want you to be eco-friendly now.
At least that's what they say, but they just don't wanna wash your towels.
That's what it's all about. They're like, "Save the planet. Reuse a towel."
And I don't mind reusing a towel. I've been known to reuse a towel
for so long that the smell of the towel gets on my body.
[audience groans]
I gotta get back in the shower just to wash the towel off.
I'm just saying I've been eco-friendly this whole time.
People been calling me nasty.
I love the word "nasty." It's a fun word to me. I like it.
'Cause if you really wanna call somebody gross, call 'em "nasty." Right?
Really hits 'em in a way.
But weirdly, "nasty" can be a compliment. You know?
Depending on the setting.
If you're in the bedroom and you call somebody nasty, they could be into it.
Yeah, like, "You nasty."
It's weird to have a word that could call somebody gross and also be a compliment.
You know a word that doesn't work like that?
Disgusting.
[audience laughing]
You're in bed, your wife's like, "Talk dirty to me."
You're like, "You're disgusting."
I know that won't work. I used to drink a lot.
I know that won't work. I did used to drink a lot.
Heavy drinker. I quit drinking. I had to quit,
'cause I used to black out all the time, and nothing good ever happens
when you black out. No one's ever like, "You blacked out,
but I appreciate you helping with those taxes." [chuckles]
I wasn't trying to black out.
I was trying to carry a three-beer-buzz all day
and that's tough after 15 beers.
After 15, the beer's not working. You gotta switch to something heavier.
You start doing shots.
You do a couple shots, you slip into what I like to call "the dark side."
When your mind goes blank, your eyes go dim,
you tell people secrets you didn't know you had.
Blacking out's like your mind's way of being like,
"Nah, you don't need to see this."
Your mind's like, "I've lost control of the body,
but I can keep you from seeing what it's about to do."
"You'll find out about it tomorrow."
"At work."
"If you still have a job."
I used to black out a lot. You get used to it. You know?
But I remember the first time was embarrassing.
I had a friend call me the next day like, "How you feeling?"
I was like, "I dunno. A little hungover, but good."
He's like, "Let me tell you what you told me last night."
I'm like, "Dang, dude. Don't tell me stuff like that."
He's like, "That's what I'm trying to tell you."
But after a while, I got tough to it. I just wake up, look at my phone, I go,
"Well, I'll just delete these people from my life."
"I don't know how that happened,
but it'd be easier to make new friends than apologize for this."
[several audience members laugh loudly]
Couple people know what that's about.
Not everybody's gonna relate to that. I get it.
I used to say things like, "Hey. If they can't hang, they can't hang."
If you don't wanna get kicked out of Dillard's in the day,
that's your business.
Yeah. I wanna drink, but I got some shopping to do.
Gotta pick up some slacks. I got a wedding to go to.
If I'm still invited.
I don't understand pants a lot of times.
I don't even know what a slack is. I never understood what khaki was.
I had a friend. I said, "What should I wear to your wedding?"
He's like, "I don't know. Just some khakis."
I was like, "What color?"
-[audience laughs] -[scattered applause]
You get what I'm saying.
We're having a good time though, know what I mean?
I didn't get that khaki was a color. That's the point.
We're having a good time. Don't worry about it.
Don't let it bother you. We're having a good time.
I used to drink and drive a lot.
I'm not bragging about it, but I was pretty good at it.
You ever wake up driving?
Like you been blacked out, then you come to, like, "Dang. I'm driving."
"How'd I get this drunk?"
"Where am I going?"
And I got a flat tire. "I hope that flat tire's new."
"I'm not trying to buy a rim out here."
Pulled into a parking lot. I was able to get the car jacked up.
I got the flat tire off, but I couldn't figure out how to get the spare on.
So I called AAA. That guy showed up, he was like, "Dang, you're drunk, man."
I was like, "Yeah. Normally I can change a tire."
"Plus, I'm pretty sure I called AAA not AA. So…"
Yeah. I know.
[audience cheers and applauds]
You get it.
"If you wanna get this tire changed,
get me back on the road, I got somewhere to be."
"Don't know where, but I'll figure it out while you change the tire."
"I don't need a sponsor yet. I'll call you in a couple years."
I did used to drink and drive a lot.
I live in Tennessee. They say, "Buzzed driving is drunk driving."
So if you're gonna do it, get drunk.
At least that way, you can sleep when you get to jail.
[scattered audience members laugh loudly]
Know what I mean? They get it.
I always say, "If you can get arrested for four beers, why not have 14?"
I don't make the laws. I'm just trying to live within 'em.
You only get two DUIs. Don't waste one on a buzz.
[audience laughs and groans]
If you'll be driving a moped for the next two years,
have a story about it.
But I'm not for drinking and driving. People think I'm for it.
I'm just saying, back when I was drinking there was no Uber, no Lyft.
Cabs weren't reliable.
So if you wanted to drink, you had to just drive, right?
Sometimes we'd get a designated driver,
but that didn't mean they wasn't going to drink.
That just meant you had someone that was willing to risk it.
That one friend with nothing to lose.
He's like, "I don't even have a driver's license."
I never had a sober friend that was willing to drive me around
that I wanted to hang out with.
I had friends like, "I'll drive you to the bar."
And I'm like, "No. We're trying to have a good time."
"I don't need your sober eyes staring at me all night."
I don't need someone hanging around that's gonna remember everything.
I grew up in Alabama. In Tennessee, Alabama there's nowhere to walk to.
You don't walk to the bar or home.
You walk home too late at night in Alabama,
you might get hit by another drunk driver.
Gotta stay safe, man. Keep it behind the wheel.
Okay, we're having a good time.
[audience laughs and applauds]
Okay. There's no subway in Alabama, you know what I mean?
Well, there is, but a sandwich shop.
Okay. You get it. And, uh…
We're having a good time here.
I used to smoke a lot of cigarettes.
I used to smoke so much that my lungs would hurt,
and then I would dip till my lungs healed.
Then I would smoke while my lip was healing.
I never vaped. I quit smoking before vape came around.
For a while, there was a lot of different vapes.
There was a regular cigarette vape. There was, like, a JUUL.
And some people smoked out of a walkie-talkie.
Remember that? They'd smoke out of the antenna.
Even makes the same sound. It's like… [mimics radio static]
It's confusing if you have a walkie-talkie and a vape.
"Am I taking a hit or am I getting a call right now?"
They blow a lot of smoke too.
I was sitting behind this guy in traffic, I thought his truck was on fire.
He was just sitting there vaping, listening to heavy metal. [chuckles]
I've never been a big heavy metal fan. I like country music.
-I'm a big country music fan. -[scattered cheers]
Okay. That sounds about right. Was that four people? Perfect.
All right. There it is. There they are.
I love country. Right?
A good country song can have you reminiscing about times you never had.
We weren't a lake family, growing up.
We never went to the lake, but I hear a country song about the lake,
I'm like, "Yeah. I remember that."
[scattered applause]
That was a good time.
We needed that 'cause we never traveled.
I grew up in a trailer park in Alabama and we had a pretty good time,
but not sure why they call it a park. You know what I mean?
There wasn't no rides in there.
No water slides. We had an occasional slip-and-slide.
Like an old tarp with some Dawn dish detergent on it.
We put our slip-and-slide over a tree root one time.
Yeah. 'Cause we was gonna jump it.
That's not how that works.
[sighs] At all. I hit that tree root, I just got up and got a job.
Like, "I am done playing out here."
Hell, I'm done playing. Period. I got medical bills now.
I don't know if you've hit a tree root going 70 miles an hour on your chest,
with a smile on your face, but…
it'll knock that smile off.
I never went camping growing up
'cause, like I said, I grew up in a trailer,
and we felt like we had a pretty good idea…
what camping was all about.
We're like, "No. We already kinda live in a camper."
"We don't really need to take it down to a tent."
[inhales sharply] "We know what it's like to be poor."
"We're not trying to find out what it means to be homeless."
"We're not trying to practice homelessness out here."
A lot of people think I'm homeless.
If I go to a city with a lot of homeless people,
and I'm hanging around outside, people will think I'm homeless.
It's happened quite a few times.
One time I was in Austin, Texas and I was outside.
I was dressed like this. You know, I was show-ready, and, uh--
-[audience laughs] -[chuckles]
I was sitting on this park bench, looking down,
and I heard someone say "excuse me."
I looked up and there was a little girl there
with a brown paper sack in her hand, and she said, "Do you want a sandwich?"
-[audience] Aw! -Yeah. It was very sweet.
And I did want a sandwich, so…
It worked out. You know what I mean?
My stomach was full, but my soul was empty.
Know what I mean?
I felt good, but not about myself.
But I don't turn down a free sandwich. I don't got that kind of money.
I don't got the kind of money that turns down a free sandwich.
There's a lot of different kinds of money. I learned that growing up.
There's old money, new money, blood money, drug money.
We didn't have any of that.
What we had was "good money." Right?
Where your parents buy you something you don't like,
they go, "We paid good money for that."
[scattered applause]
Good money buys the worst stuff too.
It's never anything good.
Good money buys, like, airbrushed T-shirts with your name on it.
From Gatlinburg, Tennessee.
I had a lot of T-shirts with wolves on it, growing up.
My mom thought I'd look good in a wolf T-shirt.
She's like, "The more wolves, the better. Put them all over that thing."
"Might put a little moon on there. Give that wolf something to howl at."
I had a hat, growing up. Had my name airbrushed across the top.
It just said "Dusty" right here.
That's just so I wouldn't get kidnapped.
Kidnapper sees that hat, he's like, "No. His family ain't got no money. Just…"
"Just give him the candy."
"Hell, he probably ain't had candy in a long time."
I'm out there trying to get in the van.
They're like, "No! No."
"We are kidnappers."
I'm like, "I know. I'm a kid."
"Trying to get napped up in here."
"Get me out of this trailer park for a while."
The worst thing, for me, about living in a trailer park
was having to write my address down on anything in elementary school.
'Cause I wasn't the poor kid till I had to write, "Lot 8, Moore's Trailer Park"
down on my school paperwork.
All the other kids are like, "Dusty, you live in a trailer?"
"I don't know why you're so surprised."
"I mean, my first name is 'Dusty,'
and every day I come to school in a NASCAR T-shirt."
"And my backpack's from the Marlboro catalog."
That's right. My parents finally smoked enough
for me to start carrying some books.
"Clear some of this smoke out, I can get some reading done."
That's how we did our Christmas shopping.
My mom handed me a Marlboro catalog,
I circled what I wanted,
she started smoking.
She's like, "I'll get it."
"I'll get it."
[mimics coughing] "I'll get it."
You can't get stuff like that now.
Nowadays, they don't reward you for smoking.
It's a real shame. You gotta find it at a flea market or something.
-I love a good flea market. -[scattered cheers]
Any time I see one, I go there. I love it.
I was in one not too long ago and this lady had this great deal on DVDs.
And I love DVDs. Right?
I like to be about a decade behind everybody else. You know?
So I'm just now getting into 'em. And it's a good time 'cause they're cheap.
This lady had a great deal. She had three DVDs for five dollars.
I'm like, "That's a good deal." So I'm gonna get six of these.
That way, I can get six for ten. You know?
Three for five, two times.
Pretty easy. Right?
But this lady couldn't understand her own deal.
I went up to her like, "Hey. I'd like to get these DVDs."
She goes, "How many you got there?" I said, "Six."
She said, "You know it's three for five, right?"
I was like, "Yeah."
"Six for ten."
She goes, "Well… I guess."
[audience laughs and applauds]
[sighs]
I didn't know what to say. [chuckles]
I didn't want her to think I was ripping her off.
So I was like, "No. This is your deal. It's just three for five, two times."
So I figure it's settled, right? Easy mistake.
Now I'm getting it for ten bucks.
But then I hear her back there doing math. Right?
I'm not making this up. She going… [whispers indistinctly]
Then she closed her eyes, she goes… [continues whispering]
She goes, "All right. That'll be $15."
I was like, "Listen, I'm not even trying to bargain with you."
"This is your deal."
"It's just three for five, two times."
"If you want, I'll buy these three and then I'll take off this hat…
and I'll buy these other three."
And that worked. You know what I mean?
It worked. Okay. We're having a good time.
[audience applauds]
You ever go to a retail place and you pay with cash,
they pull out the counterfeit pen, start marking all your money,
and then when they give you change, they give you back cash?
I'm always like, "Let me hold on to that pen for a second."
"You don't trust me, I don't trust you."
"Yeah, I know it's a one." You know what I mean?
Trying to roll around out here with counterfeit ones?
We're having a good time.
I did wear a lot of NASCAR T-shirts, growing up.
There's nothing wrong with wearing a NASCAR T-shirt but I wore so many
that any time that I had to dress nice,
my mom would just put me in my newest NASCAR T-shirt.
I'd be like, "This ain't that nice." She's like, "I know."
"Tuck it in."
'Cause that changes everything.
You go from working on the car to church just by tucking it in.
My dad still does that. He tucks his shirts in tight too.
Real tight. He'd make a V-neck out of a turtleneck.
[audience laughing]
Got T-shirt coming out the bottom of his jeans.
Seeing chest hair through the shirt.
My dad's a big University of Alabama fan.
He tucks his shirts in so tight, all you see is "University."
Like he's just for college.
But he's not for college though.
My dad made fun of me for reading one time.
Like, not how I was reading, because I was doing it.
He was like, "No son of mine's gonna be reading books."
So I quit.
Got into drugs. You know?
-[audience laughs loudly] -Okay. We're having a good time.
I never went to college. I don't know if you put that together already, but, uh…
I never went 'cause I had to pay for it.
I felt like at 18, if I had enough money for college,
I was probably doing all right already and, uh…
But we don't need it for everything.
I didn't know what I wanted to do, but figured we don't need it.
If you wanna be a doctor, lawyer, obviously go to college,
but building roads, building houses,
we don't need college. We'll figure it out. Right?
Abraham Lincoln built a house. Did he go to college?
I don't know.
I don't know. Not even sure he built a house, to be honest with you.
That's just a thing people say.
And they named the logs after him.
Know what I mean? You get it.
[audience laughing]
We're having a good time.
The thing that was most fun for me about living in a trailer…
The most fun was tornadoes.
Right? 'Cause I got to leave.
Got to go to a real house for a while. I loved going to a real house.
I'd be like, "Look at all these bricks."
Only time I ever seen a brick is when it came through my window
with a note on it.
Said, "Cut your grass."
That's how they do it in the Mobile Homeowners Association.
We're having a good time.
I live in Nashville, Tennessee, now.
And one December we had a tornado warning.
I was listening to the radio, and they were telling us what to do
during this tornado warning based on what kind of house you live in.
Like, "If you live in a house with a basement, go to the basement."
"If you live in a house with no basement, go into a bathroom or a small room."
And they're like, "If you live in a trailer park,
we want you to go to a neighbor's house, or go outside and lay down in the ditch."
Yeah. That's the real news.
They're like, "Listen. We don't know what to tell you."
"Hell, you made some bad decisions along the way."
"Now you gotta deal with this. We can't help you."
They're like, "Yeah, I know it's raining out there
and that ditch is gonna be full of water."
"Just get down in it."
"Yeah. It's December. It's gonna be cold."
"You're probably gonna get sick. Just get down in there."
"Listen. We know you won't have a radio out there."
"You won't know when this warning's over,
but just stay there till it quits raining I guess."
"And just get down in there."
I like that the other option they give you is go to a neighbor's house.
I don't know what trailer parks they know about,
but every trailer park I ever lived in, my neighbor also lived in a trailer.
It's like they just want us to meet up in one.
Maybe weight it down.
And if we did have house neighbors,
they're not so inviting to the trailer park people.
They're not like, "Come on in and check out our stuff."
"Tornado doesn't get it, you can get it next week."
Type of people that want you to take your shoes off before you come in.
Show up at somebody's house they're like, "Come in. Mind taking off your shoes?"
I'm like, "Nah, I'll just go home."
"I wish you told me on the phone. I wouldn't even have come over."
Got me lounging around in my socks like we're about to do yoga in here.
They're like, "Namaste." I'm like, "Nah-I'm-gon'-leave."
"Let me get out of here." But we weren't real poor, growing up.
We just didn't have everything. I never got ice cream, growing up.
My mom used to just pour milk into a bowl,
then she'd call me into the room and go, "Well…
you're too late."
[audience laughing]
It's like, "I guess you'll come next time I call you."
"Don't go laying down in the ditch."
"Messing up that new wolf shirt I got you out there."
"Paid good money for that thing."
My parents got divorced when I was two.
Uh, then there was a custody battle and my mom lost.
So I had to go live with her, and, uh…
-[audience applauds] -That's true. And…
We're having a good time. This guy likes it. And, uh…
We're having a good time.
Parents are different today than when I was growing up.
Especially when it comes to pets, right?
Today you might hear parents say, "We gotta take our cat to the vet."
When I was growing up, my dad'd be like, "We don't have a cat anymore."
And that cat was gone.
I couldn't even get mad about it. I'd just say, "I hope we get another one."
He's like, "We'll see what wanders up."
'Cause we didn't have real pets. We just had prisoners of nature.
A dog would wander up, we'd chain him to a tree. Right?
There we go.
We had the meanest cat you ever seen for about two weeks.
Found out it was a possum.
[audience gasps and laughs]
I told you we weren't readers. And, uh,
there wasn't no Internet back then. We just thought it was a weird breed.
You ever seen a possum?
You're not supposed to see 'em, I don't think.
They're definitely designed for the night.
Every possum I've ever seen alive, we made eye contact with each other.
In that moment, that possum's saying to me,
"You're not supposed to be out here right now."
"Okay. I didn't choose to look like this."
"This is my time."
"I'm out here eating your trash right now."
"Least you could do is give me a little privacy."
You ever go to somebody's house
and they got a dog that's barking at you, growling at you,
and they go, "Ah, he won't bite"?
It's like, "Why you think that?"
"'Cause he's never done it before? Well, maybe today is the day."
"'Cause he looks like he wants to bite."
They're always like, "Well, he might lick you to death."
I'm like, "Death?"
"Who said anything about dying?"
"I'm just worried about being bitten. I don't know why you brought up death."
I just think it's a weird idea 'cause the dog looks like it wants to bite you.
It's like you show up at somebody's house and there's some guy with a knife.
He's just doing like this.
"Huh? Huh!"
"Huh?"
And they're like, "Ah, he won't stab you."
[audience laughs]
"Yeah. He might lick you to death."
"Yeah. He'll settle down in a minute."
"He's just not used to being around people."
All right. Hey, thank you very much, guys. I appreciate you.
[audience cheers and applauds]
Thank you.
["Workin' Man Blues" plays]
[audience cheers]
♪ It's a big job getting by ♪
♪ With nine kids and a wife ♪
♪ Yeah, but I've been a working man Dang near all my life ♪
♪ And I'll keep on working ♪
♪ Long as my two hands are fit to use ♪
♪ I'll drink my beer at a tavern ♪
♪ And sing a little bit Of these working man blues ♪
♪ I keep my nose on the grindstone ♪
♪ Work hard every day ♪
♪ Get tired on the weekend After I draw my pay ♪
♪ But I go back working ♪
♪ Come Monday morning I'm right back with the crew… ♪