Previously on "Station 19"...Andy: There's no way out. I'm trapped.
You're not well.You can't --Exactly.
That's why I'm gonnasave my daughter's life.
Andy: Tía Sandra sent mea birthday card every year
from age 10 to 15.
He kept those from me.
I thought my parentswere happy.
And now I thinkmaybe she killed herself.
Where's my girlfriend?
You havea girlfriend?Sasha!
Actually knew whatyou were doing.It was pretty hot.
I think you shouldmove out.
[ Laughing ]What?
[ Groaning ]Dr. Shepherd orderedmorphine as needed.
I-I need it!I need it!
Did my mom...
Andy.
[ Gasps ]
[ Breathing heavily ]
Mami?
What are you...
[ Breathing heavily ]
Sandra.
[ Hyperventilating ]
Sandra: Hey.
♪♪
Hey.
How's the eulogy coming?
It's not.[ Chuckles ]
Yeah.
Change of scenerymight help.
Come on.It's time for the clapout.
[ Inhales deeply ]
[ Exhales sharply ]
♪♪
[ Siren wailing in distance ]
[ Indistinct conversations ]
♪♪
Wow, this is unreal.
God,do I miss my wife.
I'm sorry.
Sorry.No, no, it's fine.
Robert and I choseto separate.
You and Mirandadid not.
Hey, Roz.Hey.
W-- Hey.Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Now, what are you guysdoing --
The boys wantedto see their mom.
Tuck: I know Auntie Rozis only staying with us
while you and Momare quarantining at work,
but can she --Can she move in with us?
[ Laughter ]
Alright, what did youbribe them with?
What can I say?My auntie games is on point.
[ Andy laughs ]19.
Hey.
Thank you guys for getting upan hour early.
I --It means a lot to me.
Oh, Mom!Miranda!
My boys!
What -- Oh.
Benjamin Warren,you are a sight for sore eyes.
And back and feet.[ Chuckles ]
I miss you.
Oh, Rosalind,thank you.
No, thank you.
-Uh, how we doing on time?-We're about there.
-Thank you, Dr. Bailey.-We love you, Bailey.
-You're the best.-You guys, you guys, it's time.
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
Thank youfor all you do!
[ Cheers and applause continue ]
Thanks, Dr. Bailey!
Thank you so much!
We love you guys!
We love you!
♪♪
[ Davie's "Roll With Me" plays ]
Wait, you're giving themour toilet paper?
Ourtoilet paper?
You're giving themyour toilet paper?
You're never gonna findyour own place, are you?
I'm looking.
I am!
♪ But I'm too madlyin love with you ♪
[ Doorbell rings ]
Oh, hi, honey.
Hi, Mom.Hi, Mom.
Oh, I'm so gladto see you.
Oh, my God.So many groceries.
Vic: I know.Thank you.
Is that toilet paper?
♪♪
♪ So, I'm gonnabet it all on you ♪
Whoa, whoa, bud, bud.You forgetting something?
He doesn't likewhen we wear the face mask
because he can'tread lips.
Yeah,I don't make the rules.
I think it's horse crap,if you ask me.
Yeah, that's what they saidabout seatbelts at first, too.
[ Chuckles ]Inara, he's here.
♪ Roll with me, roll with me
♪ Oh, baby, roll with me
Hi.Hey. Hi.
You need anything?
Just you.
Uh, I mean that we all wishyou could hang out with us.
Marcus is dying to show youhis train set.
♪ Roll with me, roll with me
Why am I signing?I don't know.
♪ Roll with me, roll with me
♪ Ooh, ooh-ooh,ooh, ooh-ooh ♪
♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh
♪ Ooh, ooh-ooh,ooh, ooh-ooh ♪
Alright, we're here today
to teach you the basicsof wildfire training.
In the case of a wildland fireanywhere on the West Coast,
we call on you to help back upthe fire companies.
Questions?Yes?
Yeah, what fire stationyou work at?
My cousin, he works at, uh,SFD -- What is it? -- 23.
Name's Barnes.
Yeah,he's a good firefighter.
Yeah,you work with him?
We work for a companycalled Mavis.
It's a privatefire company.
[ Chuckles ]The hell does that mean?
Means we get paid morethan your cousin.
What it meansis that private clientele
hire usto protect their property.
Now, what we're gonnateach you today
is called an anchor, flank,and pinch drill.
It's the most useful tacticyou will learn today.
A reminder thatthe virtual memorial service
for Captain Herrera willtake place this afternoon.
I can't believe after allthe crap we went through
to get him hisLine of Duty funeral,
we have to do iton the frickin' Internet.Agreed.
Tell me again why we can'tjust wait until after lockdown.
I mean,he was cremated anyway.
'Cause we don't know when"after lockdown's" gonna be.
Can't be more thana couple weeks, right?
Yeah, you just keeptelling yourself that.
Sorry!Sorry I'm late!
Miller, Miller, you touch it,you clean it.
Thanks for the reminder,Dad.
[ Laughter ]
[ Laughs mockingly ]
Six feet apart.Come on.
Come on.We live together.
Temporarily.Just don't be mad, Dad.
Wow. Okay, look -- look, guys,it's not that hard.
19 is your household,
so you don't have to wear masksin here,
but you do still have tokeep your distance.
That is a great segue.
Hughes, when are you gonnaget your crap out of my place?
[ Klaxons sound ]
Dispatch: Aid car requested to Black Ball Hill rest area.
You guys are luckyI'm not your dad,
'cause if I was,you'd show more respect.
Larson, six feet.
Have a good day, Dad!Love you.
So, Sasha offered to staywith me, help out with Pru.
Also known asmoving in with you?
No. We are justquarantining together.
That's it.Okay.
[ Siren wailing in distance ][ Chuckles ]
What?No, man, it's your story.
You tell itthe way you want to.
[ Chuckles ]
Herrera, you, um --you need anything today?
All good.
[ Andy breathing heavily]
Don't touch me.
I'm not this --I'm not this --
This -- This --This isn't real.
Andrea, this is real,and I know it's awful.
I didn't want to --but you kept calling.
No, no.You called and you called
and you said you wantedto know the truth.
Sweetheart.My sweet girl.
This is the truth.
Just hear her out.
Just hear her out,honey.
[ Breathing heavily ]
♪♪
[ Door closes ]
I know this is a lot.No.
It's probably too much.No, no, no, no, no.
Andrea!Andrea!
[ Breathing heavily ]
Travis: Ooh.
Oh.
How...
How does one even dateduring a pandemic?
Same way as before.
You just text each otherfor weeks
until someonestops responding.
This guy's profilejust says "snakes."
Oh, do you think thatmeans he's interestedin snakes as a hobby,
or is he interestedin snake-like men?
Does it matter?
[ Siren chirps ]
♪♪
One of youcall in a burn?
Yeah.One of us did.
Well, I'm sorry, youshouldn't be messingaround with health stuff.
Well, then maybeyou shouldn't have come.
Vic: Did you call us?You hurt?
Uh, no.Billie is.
Okay, can you put your mask onfor me, please?
We broke down on our way backfrom...my mom's house.
[ Chuckles ]Mom's house, huh?
All of you?
Uh, yeah.
Wouldn't be breaking quarantineto party, would you?
Yeah, your parents knowyou're out here?
Where are your masks?They're in the car.
I mean, you weren't even wearingthem in the car, either.
Well, you know what?We work together, so...
Travis: Yeah.Which makes us a bubble.
What is your name?Uh, Kayden.
It's my car.
Okay. Hey, come here.What happened?
Oh, I thought maybethe car overheated,
so I opened up the radiator cap,and, um...
Ooh. Ouch.Okay.
Well, next time, wait forthe car to cool down first.
What's your name again?Billie.
Billie. Sweet.I'm Vic.
You boys haven't been drinking,have you?
Oh, I'm not a boy.
Billie's nonbinary.
Oh. Got it.Sorry about that.
My bad.I'm Travis.
He/him. Sometimes she.[ Snaps fingers ]
I'm gonna -- Should I --I'm gonna check the car.
The purpose of the anchor pointis to prevent the fire
from burning around the endof the control line,
possibly outflankingthe suppression crew,
which is you guys.
Alright?
Good job.
Let's take five.
Stay whereI can see you.
I hate this crap.
What? Drills?
No.
Workingwith criminals.
You know they're human beingswho made mistakes
and now have the opportunityto learn a skill
that will helpthe society they hurt?
Yeah, I guess you would have tolook at it that way, huh?
Why would I have tolook at it that way?
Come on, man.
Half these dudes are in herefor selling plants, but you --
you steal Schedule II narcoticsoff an aid car?
What?You thought I didn't know?
Come on, man.Everybody talks.
And everybody knows.
My only question is,how'd you manage not toget locked up in here?
Nelligan: Are you sure?
Could you do the testjust to be sure?
Mr. Nelligan, the COVID testsare in short supply right now,
so we have to limit themto people with symptoms.
You know, I thinkI feel my throat
closing upjust a tiny bit.
[ Chuckles ] Well, then Isuggest you walk three blocks
down the roadto Grey-Sloan.
And risk getting itfrom someone there?
Mr. Nelligan, it's the sameas I told you last week.
The best thing you can dois stay home,
wear a maskif you do go outside,
and stay six feet awayfrom anyone else, okay?
Fine.Fine.
I don't knowwhat I pay taxes for
if I can't get a testduring a pandemic.
[ Door closes ]
[ Andy breathing heavily]
Andrea.Andrea.
I'm sorry.
I should havetold you --
That my motheris alive?
That she fakedher own death?
That shelet me believe --
Oh, my God, this is --You called me a lot of times.
You saidyou wanted to talk.
You said your fatherhad lied to you.
You saidyou found my letters.
I thought she hadkilled herself!
I-I wanted to see you.I-I missed you.
I wanted to know why you left meafter she died,
why I neversaw you again, why --
I missed you,Tía.
I know,but how could I?
How could I see you when --What could I have said?
What could I have saidthat would be true?
Did my dad know?
Did he knowshe was alive?
That's not my storyto tell, Andy.
Your mother is here.
She came a long wayto talk --
She came a long way?
You want meto give her credit?
After 20 years?
After 20 years,she came --
[ Hyperventilating ]
Andy. Andy, honey.
♪♪
Andrea, talk to her.
You deserve to knowthe whole story,
even if she doesn't deserveto tell it.
♪♪
Vic: I dunno, I just feel likeI need to vibe with a guy
if I'm gonna risk my lifeto make out with him.
Who said I was planningon making out?
Oh, so you havezero intention
of actually sleepingwith any of these guys?
We will crossthat bridge...
when it becomesimpossible not to.
[ Laughs ]
Anyway, it's likegoing to the gym.
You stretch before and then...wipe everything down after.
[ Laughs ]
Speaking of which,actually,
what is going onwith Herrera and Sullivan?
Oh, my God.
What? What?Who is it?
Who is it?
Car fire at Black Ball Hill rest area.
That's those kids.
What the helldid they do?
[ Tires screech ]
♪♪
[ Billie screams ]
[ Screams ]
♪♪
[ Screams ]
[ Klaxons sound ]So, should I do it?
What?Let Sasha quarantine with me.
You meanmove in with you?
Look, I have a baby,alright?
I have a whole tiny humanwith a very big cry
and a great many a need,
and it's just the two of uslocked up together, man.
And frankly, firefighting isway easier than childrearing,
and Sasha wants to help.
So, I should justlet her help, right?
Yeah, okay.
But you actually like her,right?
Yeah, sure.Yes, yes.
[ Laughs ]Laughing's not helpful.
That doesn't help.
[ Laughs ]
[ Siren wailing ][ Laughs ]
Hey. We told youto wait for a tow.
He tried to fix it.
He thought he could fix it,and it -- it --
It blew up?Okay.
Billie, was anyone else hurt?It blew up.
Why did it blow up?!Billie, were they hurt?
They ran. I-I don't know.I don't know. They ran.
Why did they run?[ Sniffs ]
Billie, are you just scared,or are you on something?
Huh?
Billie?Billie!
Ladder 19,this is Aid Car 19.
I have an 18-year-old male
with full thickness burnsfrom a car explosion,
three other teenagers MIA,possibly injured,
possibly high,definitely stupid.
Copy, Hughes.We're four minutes out.
Get the patient in the aid carand ready to go when we arrive.
[ Siren wailing ]
Dispatch,I need four more aid cars
at Black Ball Hillrest area.
Tell me againwhat my dad said to you
before he went upthat ladder.
He said, "Tell Andreaeverything I did --"
"Everything I did,I did because I loved her."
Right?
Are you gonna put itin the eulogy?
Elena:Don't you want to sit?
Did my father beat you?
Did he --Did he torture you?
Was -- Was he a monsterand I just never knew it?
No. I was overwhelmedfrom the minute you were born.
I-I was in over my head.I-I...
I never planned to be a mother,but I loved you.
I-I love you.
I just wantedto fight fires,
and I know that youget that, m'ija.
Can you notcall me that?
Papi calls me that.
I got pregnant,and I thought I was wrong.
I was told I was wrong.
I was told that I wouldlove being a mother.
Elena: I was told thatthe minute I held you in my arms
that I would forget aboutevery dream I had before you,
but that didn't happen.
You were born,and I loved you,
but I also resented you,
and I resented your father
for getting to do the one thingwe both wanted to do.
I was so depressed.
I became unstable,self-loathing, angry, violent.
And that wasa different time.
No one ever talked aboutmental health back then,
especially notfor mothers.
I felt hopeless.I felt like a failure.
I wanted to die becausethere was no way out.
There was not a way outthat wouldn't destroy you.
But I loved you.
I still love you, Andy.
W-Where --Where did you go?
I went to New York,where my cousins lived.
I fought fires for two years,and then I injured out.
I need you to understand
that this is the biggest shameof my life.
Biggest shame.
But notyour biggest regret.
[ Exhales sharply ]
You...You aren't sorry.
You're not --You're not sorry, are you?
Of course I am.But you -- But youhaven't said that.
You've said a lot of thingstonight,
but you haven't said,"I'm sorry for leaving you
and letting you thinkI was dead."
Well, I didn't know --
You didn't knowthat faking your own death
would make me thinkyou were dead?!
I didn't fake anything,Andrea!
I just left.
Your fatherdid the rest.
[ Siren wailing ]
[ Radio chatter ]
Montgomery, go and searchthe perimeter.
Hey, we treated a small burnfrom a radiator cap earlier
and then left themwaiting for a tow truck.
They must have poured gasin the radiator.
Let's put water on that --
[ Fire whooshes ]
[ Wind whistling ]
There it goes!
[ Indistinct shouting ]
Anchor, flank, and pinch!Don't let that fire grow!
Dispatch, we have a car firethat's spread to some trees.
I'm gonna needthree more engines.
Knock down that fire, Banks!Come on!
Sully.We're getting called in.
Wildfire?Black Ball Hill.
Hey, yo, can we come?
Nah. This isthe big leagues, Banks.
You stay here and keeppracticing with your toy hoses.
Sullivan: You know,you don't have to mock them.
I know Banksis a pain in the ass,
but he'll bea good firefighter.
Yeah, for Convict Work CrewNumber One.
Nothing wrong with that.We rely on these guys.
Then why does the state pay themnext to nothing, huh?
Well, that's justhow it is.
It's rehabilitation.
Nah.It's capitalism, Sully.
They're cheap laborwhile they're here,
but you know damn wellSeattle Fire
ain't gonna hire themwhen they get out.
Hey. That's another thingyou have in common with them.
[ Laughs ]
Warren, grab some brush rollsoff of Engine 19
so they can extend the lineon the left flank.
Copy.Grabbing brush rolls.
Travis: Captain![ Grunts ]
Miller, go!
Almost there.
Dispatch,where's that other aid car?
[ Sirens wailing ]
[ Brakes screech ]
Warren, I've got some ember caston my right flank.
I need you to bring a coupleof those brush rolls
and a water thiefto the side.
Copy.Go, go, go!
Montgomery, let's go!Let's go! Come on!
This is Billie,18-year-old NB
with partial thickness burnson both forearms
and smoke inhalation.
I just put themon oxygen.
Hemodynamically stable.No loss of consciousness.
Possible -- probable --drugs involved.
The other two are stillout there somewhere.
19'll find them.
♪♪
[ Radio chatter, siren wails ]
This is just wrong.
What? You suddenlygrew a conscience?
Fowler, I had an injuryon the job,
and I developedan addiction,
which explains why I brieflybecame someone I didn't like.
Now, you're someone elseI don't like.
But as faras I can tell...
you were just bornthat way.
[ Laughs ]
Ah.
Cheer up, Sully.
Don't call me Sully.
See this big house?
This is why they pay usthe big bucks.
[ Siren wailing ]
Vic: Grey-Sloan, this is Hugheson Aid Car 19.
I have an 18-year-old male withextensive full thickness burns.
TBSA estimategreater than 70%.
Hypotensiveand intubated.
Nurse: Hughes, I'm sorry,
but we aren't taking any non-COVID emergencies.
Pressure's dropping!
See, that's notgonna work for me
because I havea barbecued teenager here
and you'rethe closest burn center.
Very sorry, but --Okay, cool.
See ya soon.Bye.
Pushy!I like it!
Andy: Bishop, I've gota spot fire to my right
about 50 yardsoutside the burn.
Fowler: Just don'topen the door, babe.
No, no.
He's gonna set iton the porch,
then he'll walk away,then you can go get it.
Andy: That spot is starting to run.
It might hook our location. Warren!
No. No.
No, you do not have to boil itbefore you eat it.
Gibson, I need you over here!
[ Beeping ]
♪♪
[ Engine starts ]
The hell?
Sullivan!
Hey!
Cruz,we're gonna need water.
Hand lay a two and a halfdown to that hydrant.
Dispatch, did you askfor a private company --
Disregard.
Bishop.
Where do youneed me?
♪♪
North side.
Lay a hose line around the flankof that spot fire
and pinch it off.Alright. Copy that.
♪♪
[ Coughing ]
Captain, I have eyeson one of the other kids.
Maya: Good. Keep working on that fire.
That's the best way to protect him until we can evac.
♪♪
My father told meyou were very sick.
I always assumed you had someillness that couldn't be cured.
I guess you did.Just not the kind I thought.
You know, when fathersleave their children,
no one blames iton mental illness,
no onecalls them monsters.
They just turn to the motherwho's left alone
and is expectedto do both jobs.
Which is what you didto my dad.
I told you, I was notin the right mind --Well, which one was it?
Were you mentally ill,or were you not?
I don't know.I was depressed.
I was exhausted.
And sometimes suicidal.
I was never diagnosedor medicated --
You were just happieronce I was out of your life.
No. I was devastated.
And I missed youdesperately.
And, yes...
I felt free.
When -- When you left...
did he tell you he was gonnasay you were dead?
No. He asked me,"What am I supposed to tell
a 9-year-old girl aboutwhy her mother left her?"
And I said,"I don't know.
Tell her I'm dead."
But I didn't mean it,
just like I didn't meanto leave you that day forever.But you did!
You left.
And my fathermade the decision
that it would be less painfulfor me to grieve you
than to knowyou abandoned me.
[ Conor coughing]
I needa fire shelter here!
Sullivan: I got it!
Robert?
Keep your eyes on the fire,Herrera.
I got it.
[ Coughing ]
You're gonna be okay.
Hold it close to the ground,and do not move no matter what.
You hear me?!Yeah.
♪♪
[ Conor coughing ]
♪♪
Herrera, we got this.Go help him.
It's okay.It's okay.
Bishop, I have one malewith second-degree burns,
possibly in shock.Maya: Copy.
We have an aid car standing by.
Frankie.Frankie.
Frankie?Frankie, is that your name?
No, no, I'm --I'm Conor.
Conor, my name is Andy.Where else does it hurt?
I don't -- I don't -- W-We --We just wanted to be together
for one night,you know, one party.
Prom's been canceled.Graduation's been canceled.
Okay.They're mailing usour freaking diplomas!
12 years of school,and we're missing everything!
It's okay. It's okay.It's okay.
Hey, take a deep breathfor me.
Okay,what's your name again?
Conor Jaxtimer.Have you found Frankie yet?
Sullivan:Let's get him up.
Bishop, there's another kidout here.
Let's get you up.His name is Frankie.
Come on.Let's go find him.
Gibson, any signof the fourth kid?
Jack: Not yet. Will update.
[ Siren chirps ][ Conor coughing ]
[ Grunting ]Come on.
Wait, wait, wait.You have to find Frankie.
He's got a bunchof health problems.
He didn't want to come outand party.
I forced him to.
Come on.
Frankie, hey!
Frankie,can you hear me?!
Frankie,I'm here to help you!
[ Weakly ] Help!Frankie!
Frankie, call outif you can hear me.
Help!
I got him!
I was running,and then I tripped.
There was so much smoke.It's okay.
It's okay.I'm gonna help you now.
This is Warren.
I'm gonna need a stretcherand a med bag.
Frankie, have you, uh -- haveyou had a surgery recently?
Yeah.Am I bleeding?
[ Whimpering ]
Oh, man!My dad's gonna freak out!
Hey, Hughes!We're not taking any --
No, I know you're not takingany non-COVID cases right now,
but you are taking this teenagerwith full thickness burns
from head to toefrom a car explosion.
I intubated himon the scene.
He's hypotensiveand tachycardic,
and you are the best,so you are taking him,
because if you send us away,he dies
and that makes youa murderer.
Okay.Okay.
Okay, trauma one.
You were rightto bring him here.Yeah, I know that.
Oh, uh, the next kidthat comes in, Billie,
make sure no one calls them"he" or "she," okay?
Wait, there's more?Yeah, don't murder any ofthe burned teenagers, Dr. Hunt!
[ Groans ]
Let's go.
I hate teenagers.
I hated teenagers evenwhen I was a teenager.
'Cause they're so stupid?'Cause they're so stupid.
Yeah, well, their brainsaren't fully formed yet,
so it's not entirelytheir fault.
It's like hating a puppyfor being cute.
You know, they can't helpwhat they are, so...
I hate that they're gonnamiss prom and graduation.
High school sucks enoughwithout a pandemic
to take away all the partsthat don't suck.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, Vic.Huh?
Whatever happenedto hot doctor lover?
Oh, just doctor,not lover.
Still hot, though.
Yeah.Yeah.
Oh, wait, who did you seeon that app?
Wha-- Travis?
I'm gonna disinfectthe front.
[ Crying ] I'm not justsome dumb kid, I swear.
I was almost valedictorian,
if I hadn't missed so muchschool for my health stuff.
I hadn't even left the housesince we went into lockdown.
I just wantedto see my friends.Frankie. Frankie.
I have a couple of kidsabout your age,
and if one of themwas hurt,
even if it was becausethey did something stupid,
all I would want is for themto get better.
Everyone makes mistakes.
[ Gasping ] Okay.
Even valedictorians.
Andy: Captain, we're done mopping up.
We've cold-trailed the entire perimeter.
Maya: Good work, Lieutenant. Let's pack it up.
Vic: Leaving Grey-Sloan.
We still doing Friday Night Lights?
Affirmative. See you there.
Sasha's sexy,funny, and smart,
in additionto being great with Pru.
I'm alone, she's alone.
Having a quarantine buddy that'salso good at changing diapers,
man, it's --it's a win-win.
[ Laughs ]You laugh again,I'm gonna hit you.
You know that.It's just usually I'm the onein this friendship
making terriblerelationship decisions.
It's fun beingon the other side.
So, what,I-I shoulddo it?
[ Chuckling ] I don't know, man.Do you love her?
Love her?[ Chuckles ]
We've only been datingsix weeks.
I'm not talkingabout Sasha.
[ Radio chatter ]
Trying not to.
You know what to do.Do I?
[ Laughs ]
All that laughing,it hurts my feelings, man.
[ Laughing ] Seriously.
I'm laughing,but I'm hurting on the inside.
[ Siren chirps ]Man: Alright, 19,
let's bring some joy to the people.
♪ It feels like there'sno more fight in you ♪
[ Horn blares ]
♪ But I see the daylightbreaking through ♪
♪ Yeah
♪ When there's no more strengthto carry on ♪
[ Siren wails ]
♪ I know the stormwill soon be gone ♪
♪ And someday we'll beon the other side ♪
♪ It won't be long
♪ Change will come, yeah
♪ I know that it won't be long
♪ Yeah, yeah
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ A change is gonna come,come, come ♪
♪ Yeah
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ A change is gonna come,come, come ♪
♪ Yeah
♪ A change is gonna come
[ Chuckles softly ]
He said something else --your dad.
I guess I didn't thinkto mention it before
because I was so worried aboutremembering the other thing.
He said he handpicked us all --all of us at 19.
And he said that[Chuckles]
even though we weren'tall the best recruits
that he saw somethingin all of us
that he knew would workas a family.
♪♪
I got my first periodthe day before my 12th birthday.
I thoughtI had pooped myself.
Ah, no one told me whatto expect or when to expect it.
I just woke up one day,
and there wasthis dark brown stuff
all over the sheetsand in my underwear.
I was mortified.
I balled up all the beddingand all my clothes
and shoved themin the washing machine
and poured so muchdetergent in there
that the machine jammedand overflowed with suds.
Papi came home from a shiftthat morning and yelled so loud.
[ Exhales sharply ]
But then when he realizedwhat happened, he said,
"M'ija, you stay here.
I'm going to the store.
I'll clean this upwhen I get back."
Ugh.
He came back with[Chuckles]
13 different brandsand sizes of pads.
And then he sat me down
and explained what washappening to my body.
He didn't judge meor act disgusted.
But he cried.
He cried throughthe entire thing.
I always rememberedthose tears
streamingdown his cheeks.
And all this time,I thought he was just sad
that his little girlwas growing up.
Until just now.[ Scoffs softly ]
I realized he was crying
because he knew my motherwas out there somewhere,
choosingnot to be my mother.
He came to get me.[ Sniffles ]
When 9/11 happened.
I guess you wereabout 12.
He came to New Yorkto help firefighters.
He showed up on my cousin'sdoorstep one night
covered in white ash,demanding to see me.
He got on his knees, sobbedand begged me to come home.
He said he wouldtake all the blame,
that he just wanted youto have your mother.
I went to New York.I went to go get him.
We --We came home together.
♪♪
I'm sorry.
♪♪
I'm -- I'm sorryI was not a good mother.
I'm sorry I couldn't.
I'm -- I'm sorryI caused you so much pain.
Please tell Tía Sandrato call me.
She sent me birthday cardsevery year of my life.
My dad didn't give them to me,but she tried.
Which you never did.
[ Door slams ]
[ Brakes squeak ]
Sullivan,you are so done!
You better pray the departmentbrings your junkie ass back,
because you are s--Fowler.
We train convicts.
We use them as free labor,
and then when they get out,we don't give them a job.
You think that's right?I think it is what it is!
And I take the truckdown the hill
and I helpput out a wildfire!
You think that's wrong?!
Man, right or wrongis not the point.
I disagree!The point is it gets you fired!
You disagree?
I'm saying right or wrong isthe point.
It's always the point.
[ Scoffs ]
So I'm goodwith being fired.
[ Bag thuds ]
♪♪
[ Shower running ]
Well, I guess Miller and Iaren't friends anymore.
I'm naked!
In three weeks, the entire worldturned upside down.
Miller kicked me out,
and then two days later,a pandemic hit.
My parents aren't working
for the first timein my entire life.
We're about to memorializeour captain on a video chat.
And you saw something crazyon a gay dating app,
and you won't even gossipwith me about what it is.
Okay, I needlike one thing --
one thing in my lifeto be normal right now,
and if it's not you, I don'tknow what the hell it is.
It was my dad.
I was swipingfor gay sex,
and I saw a picture of my dadwith his shirt off,
wearing only chinosand a belt.No.
And his profile said...
"Let mebe your daddy."
Are you sure it was him?I gave him the belt.
You g-- Oh, God! Oh!
It's fine.[ Laughs ]
Okay, you know what?Oh, God!
No, alright, it's fine.Stop!
No, it's fine.No, no, it's fine.
You know what?You're into men.
Great. Awesome.Live your life.
But don't stay marriedto my mom.What?
Yeah.Yeah.
Sure. Yeah. That.
And the lifetime of shameand internalized homophobia
that he inflicted on you,right?
There's also that.
Yeah.
[ Laughs ]
Move in with me.
Not temporarily.Just move in with me.
And let's be the one normalthing in each other's lives.
Yeah?Yeah.
Yeah?!Yeah.
Yeah!Oh, I love you! Yes!
Oh! No, no, Vic!
Oh, you're naked, too!Ohhh, let me be your daddy.
No! What?!Yeah.
Ohh!Ohh!
[ The Rescues' "If We Make ItThrough the Night" plays ]
♪♪
Captain Herrera was the onlyfather figure I had
for any real amountof time.
You know I asked him for advicebefore I proposed to Andy?
I thought he didn't know.I didn't tell him who.
I just said, "There's this girl,and I love her.
What do I do?"
And he said, "Son, if youthink this girl loves you
and you canmake her happy,
then do what your hearttells you."
Point is, my heart is stupid,so don't listen to me.
If you think you and Sashamoving in together
is a good idea,then I'm sure it is.
Oh, hey, Miller, uh,I'm moving in with Travis.
So I will comeand get my crap tomorrow.
Sorry for taking so long.
♪ How close we cameto sayin' goodbye ♪
Just do it.[ Laughs ]
Do it.
I'm sorry.It's fine.
That was just too...
It's fine.I need --
[ Sighs ]
[ Laughs ]
♪ I will die tryin'
I know whatI have to do now.
♪ If we make itthrough the night ♪
Sullivan.Hey.
Hey.
Thanks forthe assist today.
Yeah, um, I know I'm notpart of 19 anymore,
but I wantedto be here for Andy.
If that's okay with you.
I hate what you did, and I hatethat you did it on my watch.
I hate that you putour 19 family at risk
and the PRT in jeopardy.
And I especially hate
that you may neverbe a firefighter again,
because you area good firefighter
and the Departmentneeds you.
I respected you as a mentor,and you let me down.
I let myself down.
And I'm sorry.
For all of it.
Then we're good.
[ Knock on door ]
Come in.
[ Sighs ]
You look sharp.
Thanks...Dad.
[ Both laugh ]
I'm sorry.
Wow!
Gibson made me do it.
That's not cool.
[ Sniffles, sighs ]
You ready?
Yeah.
Yeah. I am.
[ Sighs ]
[ Leah Nobel's"Last One To Know" plays ]
♪ Don't hide from me
♪ I wanna be the oneyou run to ♪
♪ Try and disappear
♪ But I'm the onewho really sees you ♪
♪ Watch you up on the fence
♪ When you coming down?
If you're watching this,my dad was probably your hero.
He was mine.
He was a great firefighter
but an even better Captain.
He brought the best out of everyone
by demanding nothing less.
He was a natural leader,
as anyone who's ever worked with him knows.
He built great firefighters,future Captains.
Maybe even future Chiefs.
But beyond that, he wasthe best father he could be,
and that wasn't easy to do,especially on his own.
My dad was faced withsome pretty terrible choices
when I was a kid.
But he did what he thought was best for me at the time.
Every time.
He chose to protect me above all else.
And while he may have made mistakes...
I have no doubt he'd make them all again
if he thought it was best for me.
It wasn't easy growing up without my mom
and without siblings,
but what I've come to realizeis my dad did his best
to give me family.
He created a home at Station 19.
And everyone under his roofwas his kid.
[ Laughs ]
So he may have spent years
protecting me from painand burying his own,
but he did his best to give methe gift of a group of people
who I feel closer to thanany blood brother or sister.
He did his best.
He did his best by me.
He loved me.
He stayed.
He stayed with meevery minute he could
until he had to leave meto save me one last time.
♪ When you coming down?
Oh, my God.I didn't believe you.
I told youyou were crazy.
Well, in fairness to you,I was acting crazy.
You okay?
Yes and no.
I guess...knowing the truthis better than wondering.
But again, I'm -- I'm sorryI wasn't here for you.
No, no.
I took morphinewhen I woke up.
I needed it.But now I'm afraid.
I'm afraid it's gonna make mecrave more of it.
I'm afraid I won't be ableto control it.
I need to focuson my recovery.
I spoke to Dr. Shepherd,and she suggested I, uh...
take some space.
From -- From me?
It's just 90 days,
just to get tothe meetings, okay,
just to work the stepsand get some solid recovery.
You're not supposed to makeany big life changes
when you'rein early sobriety.
I knew that,and I-I was barely sober.
And you -- you wereabout to lose your dad.
We had no businessgetting married.
So -- So, you regret it?
[ Chuckles ] No!
No. And I never will.
But if I want to stay clean,we need some time apart.
90 days.
Yeah.Totally --
Totally separated.
Separated but together,if I want to stay clean.
And do you?I do.
I want to live a long,long life
and love youevery minute of it.
♪ I can't bethe last one to know ♪
♪ I can't be the last one
♪ The distance runs deep
I love you, Dad.
We all do.
And if there's one thingI wish I could tell you,
it's that I am grateful for you,
because you did your jobso well.
♪ And I can't bethe last one to know ♪
♪ I can't be the last one
[ Bell tolling ]
♪♪
♪ When you coming down?
♪♪