Previously on "Station 19"... Andy: There's no way out. I'm trapped.
You're not well. You can't ‐‐ Exactly.
That's why I'm gonna save my daughter's life.
Andy: Tía Sandra sent me a birthday card every year
from age 10 to 15.
He kept those from me.
I thought my parents were happy.
And now I think maybe she killed herself.
Where's my girlfriend?
You have a girlfriend? Sasha!
Actually knew what you were doing. It was pretty hot.
I think you should move out.
[ Laughing ] What?
[ Groaning ] Dr. Shepherd ordered morphine as needed.
I‐I need it! I need it!
Did my mom...
Andy.
[ Gasps ]
[ Breathing heavily ]
Mami?
What are you...
[ Breathing heavily ]
Sandra.
[ Hyperventilating ]
Sandra: Hey.
♪♪
Hey.
How's the eulogy coming?
It's not. [ Chuckles ]
Yeah.
Change of scenery might help.
Come on. It's time for the clapout.
[ Inhales deeply ]
[ Exhales sharply ]
♪♪
[ Siren wailing in distance ]
[ Indistinct conversations ]
♪♪
Wow, this is unreal.
God, do I miss my wife.
I'm sorry.
Sorry. No, no, it's fine.
Robert and I chose to separate.
You and Miranda did not.
Hey, Roz. Hey.
W‐‐ Hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Now, what are you guys doing ‐‐
The boys wanted to see their mom.
Tuck: I know Auntie Roz is only staying with us
while you and Mom are quarantining at work,
but can she ‐‐ Can she move in with us?
[ Laughter ]
Alright, what did you bribe them with?
What can I say? My auntie games is on point.
[ Andy laughs ] 19.
Hey.
Thank you guys for getting up an hour early.
I ‐‐ It means a lot to me.
Oh, Mom! Miranda!
My boys!
What ‐‐ Oh.
Benjamin Warren, you are a sight for sore eyes.
And back and feet. [ Chuckles ]
I miss you.
Oh, Rosalind, thank you.
No, thank you.
‐Uh, how we doing on time? ‐We're about there.
‐Thank you, Dr. Bailey. ‐We love you, Bailey.
‐You're the best. ‐You guys, you guys, it's time.
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
Thank you for all you do!
[ Cheers and applause continue ]
Thanks, Dr. Bailey!
Thank you so much!
We love you guys!
We love you!
♪♪
[ Davie's "Roll With Me" plays ]
Wait, you're giving them our toilet paper?
Our toilet paper?
You're giving them your toilet paper?
You're never gonna find your own place, are you?
I'm looking.
I am!
♪ But I'm too madly in love with you ♪
[ Doorbell rings ]
Oh, hi, honey.
Hi, Mom. Hi, Mom.
Oh, I'm so glad to see you.
Oh, my God. So many groceries.
Vic: I know. Thank you.
Is that toilet paper?
♪♪
♪ So, I'm gonna bet it all on you ♪
Whoa, whoa, bud, bud. You forgetting something?
He doesn't like when we wear the face mask
because he can't read lips.
Yeah, I don't make the rules.
I think it's horse crap, if you ask me.
Yeah, that's what they said about seatbelts at first, too.
[ Chuckles ] Inara, he's here.
♪ Roll with me, roll with me ♪
♪ Oh, baby, roll with me ♪
Hi. Hey. Hi.
You need anything?
Just you.
Uh, I mean that we all wish you could hang out with us.
Marcus is dying to show you his train set.
♪ Roll with me, roll with me ♪
Why am I signing? I don't know.
♪ Roll with me, roll with me ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh‐ooh, ooh, ooh‐ooh ♪
♪ Ooh‐ooh‐ooh, ooh, ooh‐ooh ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh‐ooh, ooh, ooh‐ooh ♪
Alright, we're here today
to teach you the basics of wildfire training.
In the case of a wildland fire anywhere on the West Coast,
we call on you to help back up the fire companies.
Questions? Yes?
Yeah, what fire station you work at?
My cousin, he works at, uh, SFD ‐‐ What is it? ‐‐ 23.
Name's Barnes.
Yeah, he's a good firefighter.
Yeah, you work with him?
We work for a company called Mavis.
It's a private fire company.
[ Chuckles ] The hell does that mean?
Means we get paid more than your cousin.
What it means is that private clientele
hire us to protect their property.
Now, what we're gonna teach you today
is called an anchor, flank, and pinch drill.
It's the most useful tactic you will learn today.
A reminder that the virtual memorial service
for Captain Herrera will take place this afternoon.
I can't believe after all the crap we went through
to get him his Line of Duty funeral,
we have to do it on the frickin' Internet. Agreed.
Tell me again why we can't just wait until after lockdown.
I mean, he was cremated anyway.
'Cause we don't know when "after lockdown's" gonna be.
Can't be more than a couple weeks, right?
Yeah, you just keep telling yourself that.
Sorry! Sorry I'm late!
Miller, Miller, you touch it, you clean it.
Thanks for the reminder, Dad.
[ Laughter ]
[ Laughs mockingly ]
Six feet apart. Come on.
We live together.
Temporarily. Just don't be mad, Dad.
Wow. Okay, look ‐‐ look, guys, it's not that hard.
19 is your household,
so you don't have to wear masks in here,
but you do still have to keep your distance.
That is a great segue.
Hughes, when are you gonna get your crap out of my place?
[ Klaxons sound ]
Dispatch: Aid car requested to Black Ball Hill rest area.
You guys are lucky I'm not your dad,
'cause if I was, you'd show more respect.
Larson, six feet.
Have a good day, Dad! Love you.
So, Sasha offered to stay with me, help out with Pru.
Also known as moving in with you?
No. We are just quarantining together.
That's it. Okay.
[ Siren wailing in distance ] [ Chuckles ]
What? No, man, it's your story.
You tell it the way you want to.
[ Chuckles ]
Herrera, you, um ‐‐ you need anything today?
All good.
[ Andy breathing heavily ]
Don't touch me.
I'm not this ‐‐ I'm not this ‐‐
This ‐‐ This ‐‐ This isn't real.
Andrea, this is real, and I know it's awful.
I didn't want to ‐‐ but you kept calling.
No, no. You called and you called
and you said you wanted to know the truth.
Sweetheart. My sweet girl.
This is the truth.
Just hear her out.
Just hear her out, honey.
[ Breathing heavily ]
♪♪
[ Door closes ]
I know this is a lot. No.
It's probably too much. No, no, no, no, no.
Andrea! Andrea!
[ Breathing heavily ]
Travis: Ooh.
Oh.
How...
How does one even date during a pandemic?
Same way as before.
You just text each other for weeks
until someone stops responding.
This guy's profile just says "snakes."
Oh, do you think that means he's interested in snakes as a hobby,
or is he interested in snake‐like men?
Does it matter?
[ Siren chirps ]
♪♪
One of you call in a burn?
Yeah. One of us did.
Well, I'm sorry, you shouldn't be messing around with health stuff.
Well, then maybe you shouldn't have come.
Vic: Did you call us? You hurt?
Uh, no. Billie is.
Okay, can you put your mask on for me, please?
We broke down on our way back from...my mom's house.
[ Chuckles ] Mom's house, huh?
All of you?
Uh, yeah.
Wouldn't be breaking quarantine to party, would you?
Yeah, your parents know you're out here?
Where are your masks? They're in the car.
I mean, you weren't even wearing them in the car, either.
Well, you know what? We work together, so...
Travis: Yeah. Which makes us a bubble.
What is your name? Uh, Kayden.
It's my car.
Okay. Hey, come here. What happened?
Oh, I thought maybe the car overheated,
so I opened up the radiator cap, and, um...
Ooh. Ouch. Okay.
Well, next time, wait for the car to cool down first.
What's your name again? Billie.
Billie. Sweet. I'm Vic.
You boys haven't been drinking, have you?
Oh, I'm not a boy.
Billie's nonbinary.
Oh. Got it. Sorry about that.
My bad. I'm Travis.
He/him. Sometimes she. [ Snaps fingers ]
I'm gonna ‐‐ Should I ‐‐ I'm gonna check the car.
The purpose of the anchor point is to prevent the fire
from burning around the end of the control line,
possibly outflanking the suppression crew,
which is you guys.
Alright?
Good job.
Let's take five.
Stay where I can see you.
I hate this crap.
What? Drills?
No.
Working with criminals.
You know they're human beings who made mistakes
and now have the opportunity to learn a skill
that will help the society they hurt?
Yeah, I guess you would have to look at it that way, huh?
Why would I have to look at it that way?
Come on, man.
Half these dudes are in here for selling plants, but you ‐‐
you steal Schedule II narcotics off an aid car?
What? You thought I didn't know?
Come on, man. Everybody talks.
And everybody knows.
My only question is, how'd you manage not to get locked up in here?
Nelligan: Are you sure?
Could you do the test just to be sure?
Mr. Nelligan, the COVID tests are in short supply right now,
so we have to limit them to people with symptoms.
You know, I think I feel my throat
closing up just a tiny bit.
[ Chuckles ] Well, then I suggest you walk three blocks
down the road to Grey‐Sloan.
And risk getting it from someone there?
Mr. Nelligan, it's the same as I told you last week.
The best thing you can do is stay home,
wear a mask if you do go outside,
and stay six feet away from anyone else, okay?
Fine. Fine.
I don't know what I pay taxes for
if I can't get a test during a pandemic.
[ Door closes ]
[ Andy breathing heavily ]
Andrea. Andrea.
I'm sorry.
I should have told you ‐‐
That my mother is alive?
That she faked her own death?
That she let me believe ‐‐
Oh, my God, this is ‐‐ You called me a lot of times.
You said you wanted to talk.
You said your father had lied to you.
You said you found my letters.
I thought she had killed herself!
I‐I wanted to see you. I‐I missed you.
I wanted to know why you left me after she died,
why I never saw you again, why ‐‐
I missed you, Tía.
I know, but how could I?
How could I see you when ‐‐ What could I have said?
What could I have said that would be true?
Did my dad know?
Did he know she was alive?
That's not my story to tell, Andy.
Your mother is here.
She came a long way to talk ‐‐
She came a long way?
You want me to give her credit?
After 20 years?
After 20 years, she came ‐‐
[ Hyperventilating ]
Andy. Andy, honey.
♪♪
Andrea, talk to her.
You deserve to know the whole story,
even if she doesn't deserve to tell it.
♪♪
Vic: I dunno, I just feel like I need to vibe with a guy
if I'm gonna risk my life to make out with him.
Who said I was planning on making out?
Oh, so you have zero intention
of actually sleeping with any of these guys?
We will cross that bridge...
when it becomes impossible not to.
[ Laughs ]
Anyway, it's like going to the gym.
You stretch before and then... wipe everything down after.
[ Laughs ]
Speaking of which, actually,
what is going on with Herrera and Sullivan?
Oh, my God.
What? What? Who is it?
Car fire at Black Ball Hill rest area.
That's those kids.
What the hell did they do?
[ Tires screech ]
♪♪
[ Billie screams ]
[ Screams ]
♪♪
[ Screams ]
[ Klaxons sound ] So, should I do it?
What? Let Sasha quarantine with me.
You mean move in with you?
Look, I have a baby, alright?
I have a whole tiny human with a very big cry
and a great many a need,
and it's just the two of us locked up together, man.
And frankly, firefighting is way easier than childrearing,
and Sasha wants to help.
So, I should just let her help, right?
Yeah, okay.
But you actually like her, right?
Yeah, sure. Yes, yes.
[ Laughs ] Laughing's not helpful.
That doesn't help.
[ Laughs ]
[ Siren wailing ] [ Laughs ]
Hey. We told you to wait for a tow.
He tried to fix it.
He thought he could fix it, and it ‐‐ it ‐‐
It blew up? Okay.
Billie, was anyone else hurt? It blew up.
Why did it blow up?! Billie, were they hurt?
They ran. I‐I don't know. I don't know. They ran.
Why did they run? [ Sniffs ]
Billie, are you just scared, or are you on something?
Huh?
Billie? Billie!
Ladder 19, this is Aid Car 19.
I have an 18‐year‐old male
with full thickness burns from a car explosion,
three other teenagers MIA, possibly injured,
possibly high, definitely stupid.
Copy, Hughes. We're four minutes out.
Get the patient in the aid car and ready to go when we arrive.
[ Siren wailing ]
Dispatch, I need four more aid cars
at Black Ball Hill rest area.
Tell me again what my dad said to you
before he went up that ladder.
He said, "Tell Andrea everything I did ‐‐"
"Everything I did, I did because I loved her."
Right?
Are you gonna put it in the eulogy?
Elena: Don't you want to sit?
Did my father beat you?
Did he ‐‐ Did he torture you?
Was ‐‐ Was he a monster and I just never knew it?
No. I was overwhelmed from the minute you were born.
I‐I was in over my head. I‐I...
I never planned to be a mother, but I loved you.
I‐I love you.
I just wanted to fight fires,
and I know that you get that, m'ija.
Can you not call me that?
Papi calls me that.
I got pregnant, and I thought I was wrong.
I was told I was wrong.
I was told that I would love being a mother.
Elena: I was told that the minute I held you in my arms
that I would forget about every dream I had before you,
but that didn't happen.
You were born, and I loved you,
but I also resented you,
and I resented your father
for getting to do the one thing we both wanted to do.
I was so depressed.
I became unstable, self‐loathing, angry, violent.
And that was a different time.
No one ever talked about mental health back then,
especially not for mothers.
I felt hopeless. I felt like a failure.
I wanted to die because there was no way out.
There was not a way out that wouldn't destroy you.
But I loved you.
I still love you, Andy.
W‐Where ‐‐ Where did you go?
I went to New York, where my cousins lived.
I fought fires for two years, and then I injured out.
I need you to understand
that this is the biggest shame of my life.
Biggest shame.
But not your biggest regret.
[ Exhales sharply ]
You... You aren't sorry.
You're not ‐‐ You're not sorry, are you?
Of course I am. But you ‐‐ But you haven't said that.
You've said a lot of things tonight,
but you haven't said, "I'm sorry for leaving you
and letting you think I was dead."
Well, I didn't know ‐‐
You didn't know that faking your own death
would make me think you were dead?!
I didn't fake anything, Andrea!
I just left.
Your father did the rest.
[ Siren wailing ]
[ Radio chatter ]
Montgomery, go and search the perimeter.
Hey, we treated a small burn from a radiator cap earlier
and then left them waiting for a tow truck.
They must have poured gas in the radiator.
Let's put water on that ‐‐
[ Fire whooshes ]
[ Wind whistling ]
There it goes!
[ Indistinct shouting ]
Anchor, flank, and pinch! Don't let that fire grow!
Dispatch, we have a car fire that's spread to some trees.
I'm gonna need three more engines.
Knock down that fire, Banks! Come on!
Sully. We're getting called in.
Wildfire? Black Ball Hill.
Hey, yo, can we come?
Nah. This is the big leagues, Banks.
You stay here and keep practicing with your toy hoses.
Sullivan: You know, you don't have to mock them.
I know Banks is a pain in the ass,
but he'll be a good firefighter.
Yeah, for Convict Work Crew Number One.
Nothing wrong with that. We rely on these guys.
Then why does the state pay them next to nothing, huh?
Well, that's just how it is.
It's rehabilitation.
Nah. It's capitalism, Sully.
They're cheap labor while they're here,
but you know damn well Seattle Fire
ain't gonna hire them when they get out.
Hey. That's another thing you have in common with them.
[ Laughs ]
Warren, grab some brush rolls off of Engine 19
so they can extend the line on the left flank.
Copy. Grabbing brush rolls.
Travis: Captain! [ Grunts ]
Miller, go!
Almost there.
Dispatch, where's that other aid car?
[ Sirens wailing ]
[ Brakes screech ]
Warren, I've got some ember cast on my right flank.
I need you to bring a couple of those brush rolls
and a water thief to the side.
Copy. Go, go, go!
Montgomery, let's go! Let's go! Come on!
This is Billie, 18‐year‐old NB
with partial thickness burns on both forearms
and smoke inhalation.
I just put them on oxygen.
Hemodynamically stable. No loss of consciousness.
Possible ‐‐ probable ‐‐ drugs involved.
The other two are still out there somewhere.
19'll find them.
♪♪
[ Radio chatter, siren wails ]
This is just wrong.
What? You suddenly grew a conscience?
Fowler, I had an injury on the job,
and I developed an addiction,
which explains why I briefly became someone I didn't like.
Now, you're someone else I don't like.
But as far as I can tell...
you were just born that way.
[ Laughs ]
Ah.
Cheer up, Sully.
Don't call me Sully.
See this big house?
This is why they pay us the big bucks.
[ Siren wailing ]
Vic: Grey‐Sloan, this is Hughes on Aid Car 19.
I have an 18‐year‐old male with extensive full thickness burns.
TBSA estimate greater than 70%.
Hypotensive and intubated.
Nurse: Hughes, I'm sorry,
but we aren't taking any non‐COVID emergencies.
Pressure's dropping!
See, that's not gonna work for me
because I have a barbecued teenager here
and you're the closest burn center.
Very sorry, but ‐‐ Okay, cool.
See ya soon. Bye.
Pushy! I like it!
Andy: Bishop, I've got a spot fire to my right
about 50 yards outside the burn.
Fowler: Just don't open the door, babe.
No, no.
He's gonna set it on the porch,
then he'll walk away, then you can go get it.
Andy: That spot is starting to run.
It might hook our location. Warren!
No. No.
No, you do not have to boil it before you eat it.
Gibson, I need you over here!
[ Beeping ]
♪♪
[ Engine starts ]
The hell?
Sullivan!
Hey!
Cruz, we're gonna need water.
Hand lay a two and a half down to that hydrant.
Dispatch, did you ask for a private company ‐‐
Disregard.
Bishop.
Where do you need me?
♪♪
North side.
Lay a hose line around the flank of that spot fire
and pinch it off. Alright. Copy that.
♪♪
[ Coughing ]
Captain, I have eyes on one of the other kids.
Maya: Good. Keep working on that fire.
That's the best way to protect him until we can evac.
♪♪
My father told me you were very sick.
I always assumed you had some illness that couldn't be cured.
I guess you did. Just not the kind I thought.
You know, when fathers leave their children,
no one blames it on mental illness,
no one calls them monsters.
They just turn to the mother who's left alone
and is expected to do both jobs.
Which is what you did to my dad.
I told you, I was not in the right mind ‐‐ Well, which one was it?
Were you mentally ill, or were you not?
I don't know. I was depressed.
I was exhausted.
And sometimes suicidal.
I was never diagnosed or medicated ‐‐
You were just happier once I was out of your life.
No. I was devastated.
And I missed you desperately.
And, yes...
I felt free.
When ‐‐ When you left...
did he tell you he was gonna say you were dead?
No. He asked me, "What am I supposed to tell
a 9‐year‐old girl about why her mother left her?"
And I said, "I don't know.
Tell her I'm dead."
But I didn't mean it,
just like I didn't mean to leave you that day forever. But you did!
You left.
And my father made the decision
that it would be less painful for me to grieve you
than to know you abandoned me.
[ Conor coughing ]
I need a fire shelter here!
Sullivan: I got it!
Robert?
Keep your eyes on the fire, Herrera.
I got it.
[ Coughing ]
You're gonna be okay.
Hold it close to the ground, and do not move no matter what.
You hear me?! Yeah.
♪♪
[ Conor coughing ]
♪♪
Herrera, we got this. Go help him.
It's okay. It's okay.
Bishop, I have one male with second‐degree burns,
possibly in shock. Maya: Copy.
We have an aid car standing by.
Frankie. Frankie.
Frankie? Frankie, is that your name?
No, no, I'm ‐‐ I'm Conor.
Conor, my name is Andy. Where else does it hurt?
I don't ‐‐ I don't ‐‐ W‐We ‐‐ We just wanted to be together
for one night, you know, one party.
Prom's been canceled. Graduation's been canceled.
Okay. They're mailing us our freaking diplomas!
12 years of school, and we're missing everything!
It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
Hey, take a deep breath for me.
Okay, what's your name again?
Conor Jaxtimer. Have you found Frankie yet?
Sullivan: Let's get him up.
Bishop, there's another kid out here.
Let's get you up. His name is Frankie.
Come on. Let's go find him.
Gibson, any sign of the fourth kid?
Jack: Not yet. Will update.
[ Siren chirps ] [ Conor coughing ]
[ Grunting ] Come on.
Wait, wait, wait. You have to find Frankie.
He's got a bunch of health problems.
He didn't want to come out and party.
I forced him to.
Come on.
Frankie, hey!
Frankie, can you hear me?!
Frankie, I'm here to help you!
[ Weakly ] Help! Frankie!
Frankie, call out if you can hear me.
Help!
I got him!
I was running, and then I tripped.
There was so much smoke. It's okay.
I'm gonna help you now.
This is Warren.
I'm gonna need a stretcher and a med bag.
Frankie, have you, uh ‐‐ have you had a surgery recently?
Yeah. Am I bleeding?
[ Whimpering ]
Oh, man! My dad's gonna freak out!
Hey, Hughes! We're not taking any ‐‐
No, I know you're not taking any non‐COVID cases right now,
but you are taking this teenager with full thickness burns
from head to toe from a car explosion.
I intubated him on the scene.
He's hypotensive and tachycardic,
and you are the best, so you are taking him,
because if you send us away, he dies
and that makes you a murderer.
Okay. Okay.
Okay, trauma one.
You were right to bring him here. Yeah, I know that.
Oh, uh, the next kid that comes in, Billie,
make sure no one calls them "he" or "she," okay?
Wait, there's more? Yeah, don't murder any of the burned teenagers, Dr. Hunt!
[ Groans ]
Let's go.
I hate teenagers.
I hated teenagers even when I was a teenager.
'Cause they're so stupid? 'Cause they're so stupid.
Yeah, well, their brains aren't fully formed yet,
so it's not entirely their fault.
It's like hating a puppy for being cute.
You know, they can't help what they are, so...
I hate that they're gonna miss prom and graduation.
High school sucks enough without a pandemic
to take away all the parts that don't suck.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, Vic. Huh?
Whatever happened to hot doctor lover?
Oh, just doctor, not lover.
Still hot, though.
Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, wait, who did you see on that app?
Wha‐‐ Travis?
I'm gonna disinfect the front.
[ Crying ] I'm not just some dumb kid, I swear.
I was almost valedictorian,
if I hadn't missed so much school for my health stuff.
I hadn't even left the house since we went into lockdown.
I just wanted to see my friends. Frankie. Frankie.
I have a couple of kids about your age,
and if one of them was hurt,
even if it was because they did something stupid,
all I would want is for them to get better.
Everyone makes mistakes.
[ Gasping ] Okay.
Even valedictorians.
Andy: Captain, we're done mopping up.
We've cold‐trailed the entire perimeter.
Maya: Good work, Lieutenant. Let's pack it up.
Vic: Leaving Grey‐Sloan.
We still doing Friday Night Lights?
Affirmative. See you there.
Sasha's sexy, funny, and smart,
in addition to being great with Pru.
I'm alone, she's alone.
Having a quarantine buddy that's also good at changing diapers,
man, it's ‐‐ it's a win‐win.
[ Laughs ] You laugh again, I'm gonna hit you.
You know that. It's just usually I'm the one in this friendship
making terrible relationship decisions.
It's fun being on the other side.
So, what, I‐I should do it?
[ Chuckling ] I don't know, man. Do you love her?
Love her? [ Chuckles ]
We've only been dating six weeks.
I'm not talking about Sasha.
[ Radio chatter ]
Trying not to.
You know what to do. Do I?
[ Laughs ]
All that laughing, it hurts my feelings, man.
[ Laughing ] Seriously.
I'm laughing, but I'm hurting on the inside.
[ Siren chirps ] Man: Alright, 19,
let's bring some joy to the people.
♪ It feels like there's no more fight in you ♪
[ Horn blares ]
♪ But I see the daylight breaking through ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ When there's no more strength to carry on ♪
[ Siren wails ]
♪ I know the storm will soon be gone ♪
♪ And someday we'll be on the other side ♪
♪ It won't be long ♪
♪ Change will come, yeah ♪
♪ I know that it won't be long ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ ♪ A change is gonna come, come, come ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ ♪ A change is gonna come, come, come ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ A change is gonna come ♪
[ Chuckles softly ]
He said something else ‐‐ your dad.
I guess I didn't think to mention it before
because I was so worried about remembering the other thing.
He said he handpicked us all ‐‐ all of us at 19.
And he said that [Chuckles]
even though we weren't all the best recruits
that he saw something in all of us
that he knew would work as a family.
♪♪
I got my first period the day before my 12th birthday.
I thought I had pooped myself.
Ah, no one told me what to expect or when to expect it.
I just woke up one day,
and there was this dark brown stuff
all over the sheets and in my underwear.
I was mortified.
I balled up all the bedding and all my clothes
and shoved them in the washing machine
and poured so much detergent in there
that the machine jammed and overflowed with suds.
Papi came home from a shift that morning and yelled so loud.
[ Exhales sharply ]
But then when he realized what happened, he said,
"M'ija, you stay here.
I'm going to the store.
I'll clean this up when I get back."
Ugh.
He came back with [Chuckles]
13 different brands and sizes of pads.
And then he sat me down
and explained what was happening to my body.
He didn't judge me or act disgusted.
But he cried.
He cried through the entire thing.
I always remembered those tears
streaming down his cheeks.
And all this time, I thought he was just sad
that his little girl was growing up.
Until just now. [ Scoffs softly ]
I realized he was crying
because he knew my mother was out there somewhere,
choosing not to be my mother.
He came to get me. [ Sniffles ]
When 9/11 happened.
I guess you were about 12.
He came to New York to help firefighters.
He showed up on my cousin's doorstep one night
covered in white ash, demanding to see me.
He got on his knees, sobbed and begged me to come home.
He said he would take all the blame,
that he just wanted you to have your mother.
I went to New York. I went to go get him.
We ‐‐ We came home together.
♪♪
I'm sorry.
♪♪
I'm ‐‐ I'm sorry I was not a good mother.
I'm sorry I couldn't.
I'm ‐‐ I'm sorry I caused you so much pain.
Please tell Tía Sandra to call me.
She sent me birthday cards every year of my life.
My dad didn't give them to me, but she tried.
Which you never did.
[ Door slams ]
[ Brakes squeak ]
Sullivan, you are so done!
You better pray the department brings your junkie ass back,
because you are s‐‐ Fowler.
We train convicts.
We use them as free labor,
and then when they get out, we don't give them a job.
You think that's right? I think it is what it is!
And I take the truck down the hill
and I help put out a wildfire!
You think that's wrong?!
Man, right or wrong is not the point.
I disagree! The point is it gets you fired!
You disagree?
I'm saying right or wrong is the point.
It's always the point.
[ Scoffs ]
So I'm good with being fired.
[ Bag thuds ]
♪♪
[ Shower running ]
Well, I guess Miller and I aren't friends anymore.
I'm naked!
In three weeks, the entire world turned upside down.
Miller kicked me out,
and then two days later, a pandemic hit.
My parents aren't working
for the first time in my entire life.
We're about to memorialize our captain on a video chat.
And you saw something crazy on a gay dating app,
and you won't even gossip with me about what it is.
Okay, I need like one thing ‐‐
one thing in my life to be normal right now,
and if it's not you, I don't know what the hell it is.
It was my dad.
I was swiping for gay sex,
and I saw a picture of my dad with his shirt off,
wearing only chinos and a belt. No.
And his profile said...
"Let me be your daddy."
Are you sure it was him? I gave him the belt.
You g‐‐ Oh, God! Oh!
It's fine. [ Laughs ]
Okay, you know what? Oh, God!
No, alright, it's fine. Stop!
No, it's fine. No, no, it's fine.
You know what? You're into men.
Great. Awesome. Live your life.
But don't stay married to my mom. What?
Yeah. Yeah.
Sure. Yeah. That.
And the lifetime of shame and internalized homophobia
that he inflicted on you, right?
There's also that.
Yeah.
[ Laughs ]
Move in with me.
Not temporarily. Just move in with me.
And let's be the one normal thing in each other's lives.
Yeah? Yeah.
Yeah?! Yeah.
Yeah! Oh, I love you! Yes!
Oh! No, no, Vic!
Oh, you're naked, too! Ohhh, let me be your daddy.
No! What?! Yeah.
Ohh! Ohh!
[ The Rescues' "If We Make It Through the Night" plays ]
♪♪
Captain Herrera was the only father figure I had
for any real amount of time.
You know I asked him for advice before I proposed to Andy?
I thought he didn't know. I didn't tell him who.
I just said, "There's this girl, and I love her.
What do I do?"
And he said, "Son, if you think this girl loves you
and you can make her happy,
then do what your heart tells you."
Point is, my heart is stupid, so don't listen to me.
If you think you and Sasha moving in together
is a good idea, then I'm sure it is.
Oh, hey, Miller, uh, I'm moving in with Travis.
So I will come and get my crap tomorrow.
Sorry for taking so long.
♪ How close we came to sayin' goodbye ♪
Just do it. [ Laughs ]
Do it.
I'm sorry. It's fine.
That was just too...
It's fine. I need ‐‐
[ Sighs ]
[ Laughs ]
♪ I will die tryin' ♪
I know what I have to do now.
♪ If we make it through the night ♪
Sullivan. Hey.
Thanks for the assist today.
Yeah, um, I know I'm not part of 19 anymore,
but I wanted to be here for Andy.
If that's okay with you.
I hate what you did, and I hate that you did it on my watch.
I hate that you put our 19 family at risk
and the PRT in jeopardy.
And I especially hate
that you may never be a firefighter again,
because you are a good firefighter
and the Department needs you.
I respected you as a mentor, and you let me down.
I let myself down.
And I'm sorry.
For all of it.
Then we're good.
[ Knock on door ]
Come in.
[ Sighs ]
You look sharp.
Thanks...Dad.
[ Both laugh ]
I'm sorry.
Wow!
Gibson made me do it.
That's not cool.
[ Sniffles, sighs ]
You ready?
Yeah.
Yeah. I am.
[ Sighs ]
[ Leah Nobel's "Last One To Know" plays ]
♪ Don't hide from me ♪
♪ I wanna be the one you run to ♪
♪ Try and disappear ♪
♪ But I'm the one who really sees you ♪
♪ Watch you up on the fence ♪
♪ When you coming down? ♪
If you're watching this, my dad was probably your hero.
He was mine.
He was a great firefighter
but an even better Captain.
He brought the best out of everyone
by demanding nothing less.
He was a natural leader,
as anyone who's ever worked with him knows.
He built great firefighters, future Captains.
Maybe even future Chiefs.
But beyond that, he was the best father he could be,
and that wasn't easy to do, especially on his own.
My dad was faced with some pretty terrible choices
when I was a kid.
But he did what he thought was best for me at the time.
Every time.
He chose to protect me above all else.
And while he may have made mistakes...
I have no doubt he'd make them all again
if he thought it was best for me.
It wasn't easy growing up without my mom
and without siblings,
but what I've come to realize is my dad did his best
to give me family.
He created a home at Station 19.
And everyone under his roof was his kid.
[ Laughs ]
So he may have spent years
protecting me from pain and burying his own,
but he did his best to give me the gift of a group of people
who I feel closer to than any blood brother or sister.
He did his best.
He did his best by me.
He loved me.
He stayed.
He stayed with me every minute he could
until he had to leave me to save me one last time.
♪ When you coming down? ♪
Oh, my God. I didn't believe you.
I told you you were crazy.
Well, in fairness to you, I was acting crazy.
You okay?
Yes and no.
I guess...knowing the truth is better than wondering.
But again, I'm ‐‐ I'm sorry I wasn't here for you.
No, no.
I took morphine when I woke up.
I needed it. But now I'm afraid.
I'm afraid it's gonna make me crave more of it.
I'm afraid I won't be able to control it.
I need to focus on my recovery.
I spoke to Dr. Shepherd, and she suggested I, uh...
take some space.
From ‐‐ From me?
It's just 90 days,
just to get to the meetings, okay,
just to work the steps and get some solid recovery.
You're not supposed to make any big life changes
when you're in early sobriety.
I knew that, and I‐I was barely sober.
And you ‐‐ you were about to lose your dad.
We had no business getting married.
So ‐‐ So, you regret it?
[ Chuckles ] No!
No. And I never will.
But if I want to stay clean, we need some time apart.
90 days.
Yeah. Totally ‐‐
Totally separated.
Separated but together, if I want to stay clean.
And do you? I do.
I want to live a long, long life
and love you every minute of it.
♪ I can't be the last one to know ♪
♪ I can't be the last one ♪
♪ The distance runs deep ♪
I love you, Dad.
We all do.
And if there's one thing I wish I could tell you,
it's that I am grateful for you,
because you did your job so well.
♪ And I can't be the last one to know ♪
♪ I can't be the last one ♪
[ Bell tolling ]
♪♪
♪ When you coming down? ♪
♪♪