♪ So, I typed a text to a girl I used to see ♪
♪ Sayin' that I chose this cutie pie with whom I wanna be ♪
Zoey: Backslides ‐‐ sex with an ex,
a familiar, clothing‐optional walk down memory lane
that somehow always manages to take you by surprise.
♪ Choosy lover never... ♪
♪ Never in the sheets, like it on top of the cover ♪
♪ Money on the dresser ♪
And while the aftermath of the unplanned get‐together
is immediately punctuated
with the intoxicating feeling of riding high,
it's only a matter of time before the thrill fades
and the sex hangover kicks in,
sending all other emotions crashing down on you.
♪ Get chose ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohh ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, ohh ♪
♪ I choose you, girl, yeah ♪
♪♪
Jazz: Aww. Looks like someone's trying awfully hard
to find the right words for his backslide with Big Zo‐Zo.
What the hell are you talking about?
Bro, it's a crib full of five girls.
They talk.
And, you know, contrary to what Zoey says,
you are not a quiet lover.
♪♪
[ Bag zips ]
♪♪
♪ Watch out, world, I'm grown now ♪
♪ I'm grown ♪
♪ Learn something new every day ♪
♪ I don't know, so I'm‐a feel my way ♪
♪ Got the weight of the world on me ♪
♪ But no regrets, this is what I say ♪
♪ Watch out, world, I'm grown now ♪
♪ I'm grown ♪ ♪ You can tell me ♪
♪ My heart beating so loud ♪
♪ Mama, look, I'm grown now ♪
♪ I'm grown ♪
Jazz: Honestly, your font is gigantic.
That's the same size my Grandma Ruth uses
to read David Alan Grier's Twitter feed.
You really need a privacy screen.
Would you then respect my privacy?
No, but it'd make a really nice challenge.
Doug, get your girl, bro.
Can't. Too busy overachieving for you slouches.
Can we get to work or what?
I don't know why you're throwing so much shade.
I am 1,000% Team Zuca.
I want to see you two kids win.
And I want to win in this Econ class.
And we will.
But next time please do not win on our kitchen counter
at the expense of my toaster that my baby got me for Kwanzaa.
The one I got you for Kujichagulia?
Mm‐hmm.
Tsk. Not cool, B.
Look, maybe just send Zoey a smiley‐face emoji.
It comes in light‐skinned.
[ Sighs ] Jazz, no disrespect,
but you're gonna have to fall all the way back, alright?
It's starting to feel like your presence
is crowding every single inch of my higher spirit.
Oh. I am good.
Zoey is good. We are all good.
Okay.
Can we please get to our project
so I can be good?
Because I'm not no track star, and I'm not no rich SoHo kid.
I'm actually gonna need a career when I graduate from here.
Alright, let's go.
Let's do it.
You know what they say about three days?
It's a really long time to go with no communication
after a backslide.
So call Zoey, bro.
♪♪
[ Clears throat ]
"Yo"?
That's it?
Like, not even, like, a "Yo, how's it going?"
"Yo, what's good?" or, like, "Yo...semite?
Wanna go on a road trip?"
I think I preferred three days of silence
over this confusing text.
What in the world am I supposed to be doing with a "Yo"?
"Yo," period. "Yo," period. Yeah.
Zoey? Zoey?
Hmm?
I brought you here to help me
with this voter‐registration push,
not to obsess over a text from your ex.
We've got a House to flip back.
You promised that this "Dorm Storm" was bipartisan.
It is. But I'm not, and that's why I brought you.
I don't... Okay, it's like, I spoke "friends" Luca.
I even mostly spoke "dating" Luca.
But I just do not understand this whole
"spontaneous situation on a kitchen counter" Luca.
Ugh. The thought of Luca and Zoey's bare ass cheeks
where we make our sandwiches...
Yeah, I think my baby just threw up inside of me.
And, dudes, my whole plan this year
was to not be distracted by guys,
but here I am obsessing
over Luca's one‐syllable "Yo" text.
Points for seeing yourself. Ah.
Now we just have to tackle your other flaws.
Right. I just thought the other night was gonna be,
like, something fun that kind of happened,
but it feels like a huge mistake.
Ana: Hey, you know, look on the bright side.
Sleeping with your ex is a great way to keep your numbers down.
Remember ‐‐ under seven, straight to Heaven.
Over eight, period's late.
[ Sighs heavily ]
Only two. What do I do?
Ooh. There he is.
Zoey: There who is?
Javi, the grad student I was telling you guys about.
He's also kind of the boss for my internship.
Mm. I so just want to make a good impression.
Yeah, you do.
‐[ Snickers ] ‐Okay, fine.
Yes, he's attractive, and he ‐‐ he checks all of my boxes.
But this internship is my ticket
to a law school that's not in a strip mall.
And I'm not gonna screw it up by screwing Javier.
I'm ‐‐ I'm just gonna go check in with him.
Do I have any lipstick on my teeth?
No. But that shade of "Thirst Bucket Pink"
looks amazing on you. Mm‐hmm.
‐Thank you. ‐Yeah.
♪♪
Zo, are you really obsessing over a little booty‐call text?
A what?
You think that this is a booty‐call text?
Mm. Sweetie, any text
coming from your ex that starts with "Yo"
after you've had no communication with him
since your backslide only means one thing ‐‐
he wants to smash again.
Alright, look, just trust me from experience.
Unless you want to set a precedent with Luca,
you have to set things straight with him.
♪♪
♪ Do better, who better? ♪
♪ You better? ♪
♪ Been around like hella propellers ♪
♪ Wanna know who you with ♪
♪ Don't tell him, come on, fellas ♪
♪ That ain't none of your biz ♪
♪ Got on your body suit, you know I'm on your... ♪
♪ Now, could you tell me like it is? ♪
♪ Pretty little fears ♪
[ Knock on door ]
♪ Music to my ears ♪
[ Pounding on door ]
♪ Say it loud, say it proud ♪
Really, SoHo?
Now you just not showing up for study sessions?
We were supposed to do this Econ project over an acai bowl, man.
Apologies, but I actually already ate one.
The bowl was calling my name.
Damn.
This spot is fire.
If I wasn't so secure, this might shake up my confidence.
You know what?
Can we just pick this up tomorrow?
I'm not feeling it, alright? Got a lot on my mind.
No. Absolutely not.
We're not doing this tomorrow
because tomorrow turns into the day after tomorrow,
and then that turns into a whole‐other‐ass week from now,
and we have to get this done.
Bro, I take my future serious, man.
You know what generational wealth is?
No.
I'm not religious. No offense.
[ Scoffs ]
Yo, I'm not trying to work at no Cal U store
for the rest of my life.
I'm trying to build an empire like Jay,
like Buffett, or old‐school Carnegie
or them dudes that own NBA teams or ‐‐ or ‐‐ or ketchup.
And all of that starts right here for me.
So, if you got to burn your little sage
or smoke a blunt or get in that bubble bath
you probably got going back there
or even shoot another text to homegirl, then you do that.
What text?
Stop. I saw you shoot off that baby text back in class.
And, yes, your font is disgustingly large.
I had juvenile cataracts, alright?
So, I'm gonna ask you this once so we can get to work, man.
Are you good?
♪ Or say it all if you want ♪
No, I'm not good, alright?
I messed up. I shouldn't have sent that text to Zoey.
♪ Pretty little fears ♪
[ Sighs ] Alright, fine.
Let's chop it up.
You got anything to drink?
♪♪
Well, Mr. Jackson,
it looks like you are right in the pocket here.
Your GPA is solid. Your credits are on track.
So, with all this, I think that you'll be walking
down that commencement aisle in June, my friend.
Awesome.
[ Humming Wagner's "Bridal Chorus" ]
Doesn't seem like the right song, but okay.
Great. So, we're all set here?
Yup. I just need a simple signature from you
on this promissory note for your repayment plan... Alright.
...for your student loans, and I'll make it all official.
Super simple. Super simple. Gotcha.
[ Ding! ]
Right. Okay, so, this here ‐‐
is this supposed to be my Social Security number?
'Cause that's not it.
Uh, you are correct.
No. That's actually the amount you owe
for your four years here at Cal U.
Seriously?
Well, how ‐‐ how can that be?
I had the ‐‐ the government money,
and then I did the, um ‐‐ the Pell thing.
Yeah, Pell Grants aside, you still have to pay back the rest.
So, your signature here just confirms your commitment
to pay this number monthly for the next 25 or 30 years or so.
Unless you hit it big,
in which case you will still owe that amount,
but, uh, I'll have your autograph, so that's cool.
And you go right next to Sisqó of Dru Hill fame.
Okay.
Look, this is a lot of money, man.
You know, I just ‐‐ I don't feel comfortable signing this.
I feel like I maybe need some sort of representative present,
like ‐‐ like a lawyer or something, you know?
Did Sisqó have a lawyer?
I‐I ‐‐ You know, I don't recall.
Maybe. [ Chuckles ]
I just ‐‐ I just really love Sisqó.
♪♪
Okay, well, I'm ‐‐ I'm not signing this.
I ‐‐ I just can't.
Look, Mr. Jackson, I know it's overwhelming
when you see that number in black and white. Yeah.
But regardless, you will have to pay this back,
and the longer you put it off,
you're just making it harder on yourself.
♪♪
Damn.
I can't believe I put myself out there with that text.
[ Sighs ]
I wish your girl hadn't gotten in my head like that.
Come on. In all fairness,
you was gonna shoot that text off regardless.
Exactly. Shoot it off, then forget about it.
But then Jazz hit me with the "three days, no communication"
bullshit in my head, and now I'm like,
"Why hasn't Zoey hit me back?"
What was she supposed to do ‐‐ blow you up over a "Yo" text?
[ Sighs ]
By sending those two stupid little letters,
I just transferred all the power back to her.
[ Cellphone plays wind chimes ]
Damn. Is everything about you relaxing?
Oh, wow.
What?
Uh, she hit me back.
Well, look. Looks like you got your power back now, bro.
No.
She said, "We need to talk."
Ohh, she hit you with the "We need to talk"?
Damn, son, that's all bad.
Nothing good ever came out of two people having to talk.
Thank you for your dedication to democracy.
Wow.
Uncircumcised? Who draws those?
There you guys are.
Hey. I thought you were working with Douglas.
He asked if I could sit this one out
'cause our boy Luca
is in his feelings so hard
over his backslide with Big Zo‐Zo.
What do you mean, Luca's in his feelings?
When we were in class this morning,
the man was not himself.
He was struggling to figure out what to text you
and using this crazy big font.
He's riding an emotional roller coaster, Zoey,
and possibly losing his vision.
Wait. So, he was struggling to text me?
Of course. You haven't hit him up in like three days.
Well, that's just because I didn't want to seem thirsty,
but, you know, now I feel awful.
Why? You broke up with him.
Yeah. Who cares if he's tripping?
I care, Sky, because I'm an empathetic human being.
Alright, no one could have predicted that Luca
would have come out of this more butt‐hurt than you, but...
‐Yeah, that's true. ‐...he did, so you won.
But I didn't want to win, you know?
I wanted us to be on the same page
about this adult, very fun, very casual thing
we did on the kitchen counter. Mnh.
The last thing I'd want to do is hurt someone I love.
Wait. So, you love him?
Of course I do.
You don't just stop loving someone
that you were with pretty intensely for a year.
And we had a very, very intense year.
Honey, it was intense for everyone.
Wait. Zoey, do you want to get back with Luca?
What? No.
No. I mean, I‐I don't know.
[ Sighs ]
Sky: Listen, sweetie, if I were an empathetic human being,
I would tell you that maybe you need to try
and figure out your feelings and see what you really want
because until you do,
neither you nor Luca will be able to move on, okay?
But I'm dead inside, so can you figure it out
so we can go back to this voter‐registration hell
that Ana's thirsty ass has roped us into
before Nomi drops her illegitimate child
on this scratchy crab grass?
Hmm.
Doug: Sheesh. "Luca, we need to talk."
Hey, she hit you with your government name.
That's some cold assassin shit.
And I [bleep] did it to myself.
I mean, it took me all summer to get over the embarrassment
of running after her when she got on that plane.
Okay, but you're already in this situation.
Look, there's three reasons why people backslide.
They're either drunk, desperate, or still in love.
Well, I wasn't drunk, and I'm never desperate.
So then you still love her.
Of course I still love her.
Okay. So, you all really do have something to talk about then.
Man.
Maybe I just need to get some fresh air
and figure out what's what.
♪♪
And circle and circle and circle and join.
Alright, dude, why do you have to disrespect me
and sit on my dead face? I'm already dead.
How else am I supposed to show dominance?
You know what? How about next time you try winning
against an opponent that doesn't have a‐a janky controller, man?
My squares and X's aren't working.
I got you. Okay, I've been waiting
for the right opportunity to bring out Goldilocks.
Oh, yeah.
[ Chuckles ] Wow. How much did this thing cost?
I don't know. Half a stack. Who cares?
[ Stammers ] Half a stack. Right.
Can I ask you a question? Do you have any debt at all?
I think I'm floating like $12.98 on my Yogurtland Visa.
Anyway, let's rock‐'n'‐roll, man.
Right, right, right. Come on. Come on. Come on.
Alright. Ohh. Ohh.
[ Clears throat ]
♪♪
[ Lasers firing ]
♪♪
[ Grunts ]
Dude, I just shot you in the face,
and I'm tea‐bagging the hole.
Look alive. Where's your head at?
You know, let's take a rain check.
Um...I'm not really feeling the game right now.
♪♪
I'll rain‐check all over your face!
Wait. What am I saying?
Okay, so, we only have
a few more voter‐registration forms left.
It's time to divide and conquer.
Who's fired up?
No. I'm dividing myself from this group
and conquering my bed. ‐[ Stammers ]
We're gonna go register people at the athletes' dorms.
Yes! She means we're going to Del Taco.
What?
Guys!
Yeah, Ana, I think I'm gonna head out, too.
I better call Luca and figure this whole thing out.
No, Big Zo‐Zo. Please?
[ Sighs ]
Why do you all keep calling me that?
Like, when did this become a thing?
Come on. I am so close to hitting my goal today,
and I really want to impress Javi...
on a purely professional basis.
Sure.
Zoey, please just hit up a few more people,
and then I promise you can go and get your love life straight.
Fine.
Thank you.
And remember ‐‐ you'll get more signatures if you smile.
Smile.
With your eyes, too, please.
[ Indistinct conversations ]
No? Okay.
Perfect. Thank you, Grandma Ruby Johnson.
[ Sighs ]
Jillian?
Zoey.
Hey. I had no clue that you lived in Hawkins.
Yeah. I love it here so far. What's up?
Oh, I'm here reluctantly helping a friend register voters
to impress some guy she swears she's not trying to impress.
Wow. You're a great friend, man,
because I would have forged all these.
Mm. Trust me, I registered the entire cast
of "Teen Mom OG."
Fun fact ‐‐ they're voting age now.
‐Nice. ‐Yeah.
[ Laughs ]
♪♪
Alright, here you go.
Okay. Thanks. Bye!
♪♪
[ Door closes ]
You're [bleep] kidding me.
[ Scoffs ]
Got it. So, while I've been stressing
about how Luca feels over our backslide situation,
he's apparently slipped right into another one.
[ Baby Rose's "Borderline" plays ]
[ Indistinct conversations ]
♪♪
[ Cellphone dings ]
♪ La‐la, la‐la, la‐la‐la, la‐la ♪
♪♪
♪ Heavy, stuck in the motion ♪
♪ But we'll just keep it going ♪
♪ Trying to find where we stand ♪
Hi.
Yo.
I'm really sorry about last night.
I hope you know that I never meant for you to see that.
Well, I did.
[ Sighs ]
I think I really just don't want us to hate each other,
and I kind of feel like that's what's happening right now.
I mean, I don't want that, either.
Mm.
Look, Luca, the other night between us was fun,
but it clearly made everything super confusing.
And, sure, you know what?
We obviously are gonna see each other
between school and friends, but...
Yeah.
[ Clears throat ]
Yeah.
I guess we should just call this what it is, huh?
The end...
♪ You were a surprise ♪
...again.
♪ I was frightened ♪
Looks like it.
♪ But they keep on eating at my shoulder ♪
♪ They'll help you pretend ♪
♪ That they on your team ♪
♪ Friends for life ♪
♪ Or so it seems ♪
♪ And they make the road uneven ♪
When it comes to a backslide, after the initial high,
after you've ridden the emotional roller coaster,
in the end, all you're left with is the pain.
♪ If I don't face my fears, if I don't ♪
♪ If I don't love my tears ♪
Yo.
♪ Taste the salt ♪
I figured we could bowl in.
Sure.
So, how'd it go yesterday?
[ Sighs ]
I thought about going to Zoey
for this whole complicated conversation,
but it felt so... complicated.
And the truth is, no matter what was said, there's just no point.
I already know how that story ends.
Word.
And ultimately, the only way to fix that pain
is to walk away from the roller coaster ‐‐
or person who caused it ‐‐ for good.
So, now what?
So, now we work.
There we go.
♪♪
‐Oh, yeah. ‐Oh, God.
You guys hungry? I can make one for you, too.
Hard pass.
[ Humming ]
Vivek, do you have any idea what happened on t‐‐
No, no. Let's let this play out.
Suit yourself.
Mmm.
This sandwich is delicious.
♪♪
What?
♪♪