Zoey: After high school, our parents ship us off
with an unconscionably high tuition check
and an economy-sized box of pork ramen
to have college finish their dirty work for them --
the work of turning us into adults.
And while they hope we don't end up arrested...
♪ Yeah, I'm ba-a-a-d to the bone ♪
...pregnant...
or dead,
they generally don't want to know the details
of what it takes for us to get there.
We're your problem now, college.
As for Vivek, his road to adulthood
as a high-flying, infamous college drug dealer...
[ Siren blips ] No. Heidi, don't!
What the hell?
...had finally taken a hard left turn,
and he was desperately trying to get back on track.
Vivek: I have a near-perfect GPA,
I have made the Dean's List for four consecutive semesters,
and I have had consensual, safe sex
with, like, only two people,
which is why I am begging you to please reconsider my expulsion.
So, while Vivek's parents shipped their son to Cal U
with the confidence that college would finish
the job they started...
After listening to your testimony
and reviewing the criminal charges against you...
...the board has decided to deny your appeal.
[ Sighs ]
In the next 24 hours,
we'll be revoking your scholarship,
ending your financial aid,
and notifying your parents.
My parents?
...they were now about to have their son
return to them incomplete --
and possibly find out every single dirty detail.
♪ Watch out, world, I'm grown now ♪
♪ I'm grown ♪
♪ Learn something new every day ♪
♪ I don't know, so I'mma feel my way ♪
♪ Got the weight of the world on me ♪
♪ But no regrets ♪
♪ This is what I say ♪
♪ Watch out, world, I'm grown now ♪
♪ I'm grown ♪ ♪ You can tell me ♪
♪ My heart beating so loud ♪
♪ Mama, look, I'm grown now ♪
♪ I'm grown ♪
Hey. There he is.
How you feeling, big guy?
Like I ruined my life.
Yeah. I can see that.
It's like a dark cloud that kind of
followed you as you walked in.
I think what Aaron meant to say was
even though that may seem like it now,
there's definitely a bright side.
Like?
Like no more early classes,
no more papers, no more homework,
which is fine, 'cause you're, like, a genius.
A real one, not like how we tell Luca.
Yeah, yeah, and look,
you have a six-month head start on getting a job.
It's like you told me when I dropped out --
you don't really need college anyway.
I mean, you could be the next Zuckerberg or -- or Jobs,
or Stanley Steemer Carpet Cleaner. [ Gasps ] Ooh.
I love you guys,
and I'm sure there's some truth in here,
but...it's hard to believe anything short of
my life being completely ruined.
[ Cellphone beeps ]
And on top of everything else...
[ Cellphone clatters ]
...my parents keep blowing my phone up.
The school must have notified them.
Mm. Maybe not.
Maybe they're calling to say someone is dead.
Oh. You think so?
Yeah.
My Granmami Vikash recently had pneumonia.
Perfect. Perfect.
That would definitely overshadow your bad news.
[ Cellphone beeps ]
Damn it.
Okay, my grandma's still alive, but even worse,
my folks are on their way here to deal with me.
[ Cellphone clatters ]
[ Inhales deeply ]
[ Indistinct chatter ]
Yo! Y'all good?
What's up, my boy?
[ R&B music playing loudly through walls ]
Come on. Freshmen.
Come on.
[ Exhales sharply ]
Ay-yo!
This is your Resident Advisor,
and I'm advising you to turn your music down!
Sorry.
I, uh, I didn't realize my music was up so loud.
I kind of just, like --
I got lost in my own world.
Yeah, well, I'ma need you to bring it back down
to this world, a'ight?
Rules are rules.
Yeah. No problem.
Won't happen again.
Kiela, by the way.
And Doug.
Come on, B.
Yo, the common area's right here.
They could smell that. Yeah.
[ Sighs ] They don't pay me enough to do this.
Yo, you know this is against Cal U rules, right?
It's in your little handbook. Where your handbook at?
But, um -- [ Laughs ]
I mean, Cal U's not gonna find out, though, right?
[ Sighs ] I mean, come on.
You don't have the face of a snitch.
Don't do it again.
Mm-hmm. [ Sighs ] Man.
Yo, this is the block right by my auntie's crib.
[ Chuckles ] You're a Queens kid?
[ Clicks tongue ] Born and raised.
I used to want to hang out over there, like, all the time,
but my dad would never let me.
Yo, he was just trying to protect you from dudes like me.
Yeah? Yeah, I'm the reason why you wasn't allowed on that block.
Really? Yeah.
'Cause, um, you don't have the face of a bad boy, either.
Well, I did once steal a bodega cat.
[ Chuckles ]
♪ We're going to daycare, first day of school ♪
♪ So Mama can get to class on...time ♪
No. No.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
♪
[ Thud ] [ Sighs ]
Damn it!
I called my parents
hoping to hash it out over the phone,
but they refuse to hear anything I have to say.
And they're already on their way.
I'm frickin' screwed.
Dude, I know you're scared to face your parents,
but what are they gonna do?
Kill you? Maybe.
They literally immigrated here so I could graduate
from an American university.
And all our family back in India believes
I'm gonna be the first Shah to graduate college.
I'm a failure on not one, but two continents.
Well, what exactly do they know about what went down?
That I got expelled because I got caught
with a boatload of drugs. Did you?
Or did their honorable, studious son
find himself in a car with a White girl
who had a bunch of drugs on her?
Change. The. Story.
What do you mean?
I mean, nobody really knows what happened that night
unless you were there.
Blame it on Heidi.
Tell them that caramel-haired,
blue-eyed seductress lured you in,
and the second she got caught
for behavior that you knew nothing of,
she framed her sweet, innocent, Brown boyfriend.
Damn, that's pretty good. Mm-hmm.
I could even tell them that she pressured me
into writing her term paper in exchange for sex.
Oh, less is more, dude. Less is more.
Yeah, no, don't do that.
Jazz, what are you doing, okay? Huh?
This man's been walking the path of deception for four years.
You got to just rip the Band-Aid of lies off,
and you will set yourself free.
[ Doorbell rings ]
Is it them?
I do kinda want to see them kill you.
♪
I don't think I can do this.
Okay, Vivek, relax.
The truth is, no matter how bad it is,
they'll always love you.
Yes.
[ Doorbell rings ]
Dad?
You got married in Mexico!
I don't love you anymore!
♪
Blame. That. White. Girl.
So, here I am, thinking my biggest problem
was being audited yet again
because the IRS can't stand
when a Black man gets creative with his Petco receipts.
But really, my bigger problem was uncovered by my tax man
when he found a mysterious credit card charge
for a wedding chapel in Mexico!
So, now I have to worry about you and the IRS?!
No. Absolutely not. Dad, just let me explain --
Explain it to your mother.
Because it furthered her suspicions about me and Maritza.
[ Whispering ] Who's Maritza? [ Sighs ] Our cleaning lady.
Our beautiful, intelligent, underappreciated
domestic goddess.
Dad, if you just listen to me for a second,
it turned out
our marriage was not even legal.
Oh.
And you knew this before you went into it?
I mean, I --
N-No.
So, when you entered into the Mexican chapel with him,
your intention was to get legally married?
[ Normal voice ] Uh, Mr. Johnson,
if I may respectfully interject here,
uh, this sounds much worse than it was. Absolutely.
Our judgment was off. Mm-hmm.
We had obviously been drinking.
Not -- Uh, not a lot.
We hadn't been drinking a lot,
but we just thought it would be fun,
like, a spontaneous situation,
and just a spur of the moment, like, uh, lark.
A lark? [ Laughing ] Yeah.
[ Laughs ] You know what lark means?
Boy, you wild. [ Laughs ] Thank you.
Now shut your ass up.
Yes, sir. [ Sighs ]
You continue to make bad decision after bad decision,
which ultimately ends up with me having to bail you out.
Wait, your dad posted bail in Mexico?
Who the [bleep] needed to be bailed out in Mexico?
No. No, just Aaron
and a handful of naughty Mexicans.
Yeah.
Look, Zoey, I didn't think it could get much worse
after your whole cheating scandal
and then you dropping out of college.
But this time, you have truly outdone yourself.
Hell, Zoey, I don't even know what to say.
You're not just a disappointment anymore.
You're an embarrassment.
Okay.
Understood.
Well, Dad, thanks so much for coming all this way
to tell me that and humiliate me.
I really appreciate it.
♪
I'm just gonna check on her.
Yeah, you do that.
♪
Yo.
I can't believe I'm high with a resident.
And a freshman.
Yo, does this make me a bad RA?
Or does this make me a bad person?
No.
Okay? Not at all.
That shirt makes you a bad person.
What's wrong with my shirt?
Should I change it?
Or you could just, like...take it off.
I mean...
♪
Feelin' a little better?
I am.
This smoothie put me in a lighter place.
It's the creatine.
Bad for the testicles, great for the spirit.
Ah.
Just like Maritza. [ Chuckles ]
Can I ask you a question, sir?
Yeah.
I know you're upset with Zoey right now,
but with all the bad stuff she's done,
is there ever a world where she does something so awful
that you wouldn't be able to forgive her?
Now, we talking stepping on my sneakers
or murdering half a town?
Not that there's a significant difference.
What about, like... I don't know,
she sold drugs and maybe got herself expelled?
Is that why she's in Mexico?
Is my baby girl a mule?! No! No!
This is totally unrelated to Zoey.
Just a fun game of questions, you know? Okay.
Trying to gauge where a parent draws the line
when it comes to forgiveness.
Look, there is no line for forgiveness
between a parent and a child.
But God knows I would be devastated if I found out
that my kid was living some sort of lie
and I didn't know who she was.
Right.
Yeah, but I have to imagine
that the hardest part would be...
rebuilding a relationship with a stranger.
But you would want to rebuild that relationship?
Of course I would. That's my flesh and blood.
Now, obviously, if we're talking about Junior,
you know, none of that applies.
He'd be dead to me.
So, please, tell me we're talking about Junior,
because I've been looking for a reason to turn my back on him.
♪
"Take good notes"? Really?
You're just gonna text that to your best friend
without any explanation of why you're blowing off class?
Ana, please don't -- No, no, I am so stressed right now!
I'm trying to take notes for myself, and now you want -- Dude! Dude!
The daycare shut down, okay?
I had Luna in one hand, I had my phone in the other.
I didn't have time to give you, like,
an explanation or politely beg.
Oh, wow. Okay.
Um, what's the plan, then?
Obviously don't have a plan.
I thought maybe that I could take her to class,
but that would have been a disaster 'cause she's a toddler
and she doesn't sit still for, like, ever,
and also someone taught her the word "pinga,"
and she doesn't stop saying it.
Sorry about that.
Yeah.
Look, I know today was rough...
Mm. ...but, um, look at the bright side --
you just missed one class.
You'll find a babysitter
and you'll be back in class in no time.
Ana, when am I gonna find a babysitter?
Between Luna, between class,
between studying for the LSATs,
I barely have time to go to the bathroom,
let alone find a babysitter.
And I would ask Phil, but I can't ask Phil,
because his one and only text message to me
said something along the lines of,
"I want nothing to do with you or our baby,"
so I don't really think he would be a lot of help.
You know, as hard as it was
to be at my parents' during the pandemic,
I at least had a village.
They were full-time, around-the-clock help,
[Voice breaking] and now I'm, like,
back to struggling and doing it on my own.
Okay. Okay. What can I do to help?
Nothing. Nothing.
I'm just having a moment right now.
[ Sniffles ]
Luna: Pinga. [ Laughs ]
I'll fix that.
[ Knock on door ]
[ Sighs ] [ Knock on door ]
Mom. Dad.
May we come in?
Uh, sure. Yeah.
Obviously, we have a lot to talk about.
♪
So, after a day of contemplating
how he should handle his parents,
Vivek realized the best thing to do
was to approach them like an adult --
with the truth.
So, here it is.
Um, I'll lay it out for you the only way I know how.
I am...
a drug dealer.
I've been dealing drugs since I came to college.
Um, before I got caught, my plan was to stop,
but instead, I got, um, arrested and, um, expelled.
And so Vivek told his parents everything that contributed
to his detour on the road to adulthood.
I love you.
And I promise, I'm not that person anymore.
And from here on out, there'll be no more lies,
so we can start rebuilding our relationship.
Oh.
Oh, Vivek.
[ Sniffles ]
I suppose you could have continued to lie,
but you chose the courageous path and came clean.
And I appreciate that.
I'm so glad to hear that, Dad.
But now, having a clear idea of who you are,
I realize...
you are not my son.
And I have no desire to rebuild any kind of relationship
with this person you have become.
♪
Hello.
Hey.
I didn't realize you were still here,
making food.
Well, your roommate needed some advice,
and when I decided to leave,
I realized my keys were in the same room
as him and his parents.
Vermont cheddar?
Look, Zoey --
Actually, Dad, can I say something?
Yeah.
Contrary to what you just accused me of,
you know I have never called you once
to bail me out of any situation, because I figured it out.
And I'm not trying to dismiss
or make light of the many mistakes I've made,
but I've owned up,
and I-I've dealt with the repercussions.
I figured it out
when I dropped out of school and had to re-enroll
and then again when I had to play catch-up
in the middle of a global pandemic.
I know I may not be doing things
exactly the way you want me to,
but please believe I am getting them done.
[ Sighs ]
Everything you said is right.
For the last 21 years,
I have been looking out for you, baby girl,
and it's really, really hard to let go.
But you're gonna have to at some point
so I can grow into the adult I'm gonna be.
Maybe you're right. [ Sighs ]
And maybe as an adult, you need to start
paying for your own credit card.
I mean, I'm always gonna be your wittle girl, though.
[ Chuckles ]
Yes, you will be, Zoey.
Now give me some love.
Come on, baby.
Hey. Mm?
I just want to say that I'm sorry
for some of the hurtful, nasty things that I said to you.
Thank you.
Now, we both know that you are not
the biggest disappointment in this family.
Right?
It's your mama. Oh.
But all that will change when you get your new mami.
Then we're just gonna have to find us, uh, a new housekeeper.
[ Crunching ]
♪
Doug: There's this new girl at Hawkins.
She got body going crazy.
Like "waifish model" body or more like Texas rotund body?
Mm, she more like...
like a fit snowman. Mm.
Respectfully.
That's just how I like 'em, too.
Sticks for arms... Mm.
...cold, dark eyes, a smoker...
Hey, man, and she dope.
I mean, we only kicked it for a couple of hours,
but she cool as hell.
I mean, as a snowman is. Mm-hmm.
Sounds like Frosty's seconds away from getting pounded out.
Hey, man, we shall see.
We shall see. We shall see.
What the hell? Oh, my God.
Uh...Doug,
unfortunately, this is my little sister.
[ Chuckles ] Shit. My RA.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, your RA.
And your big brother's best friend.
Best friend?
I feel like that could use a conversation, but...
I'm sorry, but, um, I-I forgot your name.
What was it again? Um...Dom?
It's Doug. Oh.
And he was actually telling me about this beautiful girl
at Hawkins he was hoping to pound out.
Was he?
I didn't say "pound."
♪
[ Luna murmurs ]
[ Quietly ] Hey. Hi.
You feeling any better?
Um, a little bit.
[ Paper rustles ]
What is this?
It's a few phone numbers for some babysitters.
I got them from the School of Early Education,
and before you ask, yes, I've already started
screening, vetting, checking references,
and performing extensive criminal background checks.
That's very sweet.
Thank you. Of course.
Look, you may be a single mom, but you're not alone.
Consider me your village.
Thank you.
[ Sniffles ]
♪
Our parents may not want to know the dirty details
we encounter on the road to adulthood,
but sometimes, they're simply too big to hid.
Hey, I thought this may help you feel better.
♪ So every night ♪
No matter what's happening,
it's not even gonna matter in the long run.
My father hates me.
♪ You come creeping from behind ♪
I'm sure....
I'm sure he doesn't.
♪
♪ The night has fallen, night has fallen down ♪
Okay, it says here you managed a multigenerational household.
You watched five kids -- Yeesh.
You cook -- like that. Clean -- like that.
Speak multiple languages, and you're CPR certified.
I mean, clearly, you have a ton of experience.
It's just -- [ Chuckles ]
[ Through teeth ] I don't understand why in the world
this family would let her go.
[ Through teeth ] I don't know.
It's the one thing I couldn't get to the bottom of.
Hmm.
Do you mind just telling us
why the Johnson family let you go, Maritza?
♪