What brings me to Positano?
It had been three weeks since Cash dumped me.
It had also been three weeks since I washed my hair.
I came at a bad time.
Not to be dramatic, but I was dying.
Wait. I'm sorry you're hurt.
But what did you expect?
Zoey? Honey? We're coming in.
No.
- Oh, my God! - Ohh.
Zoey! What has happened?
I told you, guys.
Have you even left this room?
Of course, I have. I'm not a... crazy person.
- Zoey? - Hm?
Get your ass up.
We're taking you out to go dancing
and drink irresponsible amounts of liquor.
You will feel much better.
At the very least, you need to breathe some air
that's not filled with Dorito dust.
If you don't go out,
I'm going to live-stream what's happening here.
- Ooh. - Ooh.
- You don't want that. - Mnh-mnh.
Guys, I'm not really in the mood right now, okay?
Okay. Zoe?
Come out with us for one hour,
and if you're not feeling it, I'll come back with you myself.
Hm...
Come on. Come on.
Mmm... Okay. Fine. I'll go. Whatever.
- Yeah! - Yes! Come on! All right.
- There she is! - Yeah!
- Whoo! - Guys...
One, two, three.
- Hello? - What the hell?
- What just happened? - Huh.
Welp. Guess this is a sign from God.
Hey, somebody turn on their camera light.
- Oh, good idea. - I don't know.
- Ohh. - Sorry.
Oh.
Damn. You put your pajamas back on quick.
♪ Watch out, world, I'm grown now ♪
♪ I'm grown ♪
♪ Learn something new every day ♪
♪ I don't know, so I'm-a feel my way ♪
♪ Got the weight of the world on me ♪
♪ But no regrets, this is what I say ♪
♪ Watch out, world, I'm grown now ♪
- ♪ I'm grown ♪ - ♪ You can tell me ♪
♪ My heart beating so loud ♪
♪ Mama, look, I'm grown now ♪
♪ I'm grown ♪
Sorry, but I'm glad we're not going out.
I don't know if I could have done it.
So, what, you're just gonna, like,
lay in bed the rest of your life?
Honestly?
Girl, you better snap out of this.
You think Cash is laying up somewhere,
thinking about you, watching sad-ass white-lady movies?
Nope. No, girl. Don't worry about what he's doing.
You just do what you need to do to feel better.
- I'm trying. I'm trying! - But...
I can only eat crap, and I can't fall asleep,
and every time I try and get up, you know, I just...
my body feels heavy.
Yeah, that's because you're living off of pizza and eggrolls.
Your body's just one big trans fat.
Um, that's just what happens
when you get your heart broken.
It's part of the healing process.
I'm sorry. How is getting fat helping her heal?
Huh?
What? Okay, if she's gonna be depressed,
I mean, she at least needs to lose weight.
It's like the one upside to being depressed.
What is wrong with you?
Yeah. Who broke you?
Look, I get that she's hurt, but I just got over a breakup,
and I realized you can't wallow like this forever.
Why not? It feels like my heart is gonna hurt forever.
You just need time, Zoe.
But how much time?
Guys, literally everything reminds me of Cash.
Last night, I watched a game Cal U wasn't even playing in
because one time Cash said DeMarcus Collison at Michigan
was gonna give him trouble at his tournament,
and, you know, I just wanted to see for myself.
- Ew! - I know.
You know what? At least now
you don't have to pretend to like basketball anymore.
Yeah, but Cal U does have a chance
of at least making it to the Elite Eight
as long as Chris Thompson keeps his free-throw percentage up.
- Um. - So it's cool.
Oh, Zoey.
I'm sorry. I can't stop Cash from being on my mind.
I'm not controlling this.
Then don't try to.
Just let yourself feel what you're feeling.
I mean, I remember my first heartbreak.
It was my Uncle John's son, Doug.
I'm sorry. Your cousin Doug?
Oh, my God.
Okay, call him what you want,
but, you guys...
I caught him making out with my mom's sister
at my quinceañera.
You mean your aunt?
It destroyed me.
And I dealt with the pain. I didn't run from it.
Well, you don't have to see
your cousin and your aunt every day.
I see Cash's face literally everywhere.
And, you know, every time I see him,
I just... I wonder what happened.
I mean, how can your feelings for someone
just change...
...out of nowhere?
Maybe his feelings didn't change, you know?
He probably didn't even know what he was feeling.
I mean, he was not here on an academic scholarship.
So you're saying...
Cash only thought he loved me.
Girl, nobody's saying that.
It's just... Everything isn't some movie.
I mean, just 'cause someone loves you
doesn't mean it's always gonna work out.
And just 'cause it didn't work out
doesn't mean someone didn't love you.
- Mm-hmm. - And plus...
these [Bleep] is wild out here.
- Mm. Girl. - There's that, too, girl.
Yeah.
Which is why you can't focus on how great he was.
You got to focus on the bad stuff.
Well, I can't think of any of the bad stuff.
Oh, come on. I just thought of like five at the top of my head.
- Six. - Seven.
Mm-hmm.
Okay. This is your shot.
And I am going to keep pouring it
until you say something bad about Cash.
How's that supposed to help me?
- Uh, one, you'll be drunk. - You're welcome.
And, two, you'll have to remember
that Cash isn't perfect, okay?
Go. Remember those dumb videos?
- They showed promise! - Remember his grades?
Please tell me you remember what his hair looked like.
Girl, that was not his natural curl pattern.
Mnh-mnh.
Okay, fine! Fine. Just stop pouring.
He never got
"your" and "you are" right in texts.
That is weak as hell.
- Okay, but we'll accept it. - Thank you.
And, uh, he was definitely cheating in all of his classes.
He used gel toothpaste.
- Ugh! - Ooh!
Once... Once, I told him I was anemic,
and he asked me when I got my memory back.
- No! - There we go!
See? It feels good, right?!
See? Now I don't feel so bad for icing him out the other day.
- Yes! - Wait. What?!
Hey.
Oh, my God. Why would you do that?!
Bitch, we did you a favor!
Well, now he's gonna think I'm talking shit about him to my friends.
- But you are. - I know.
But I don't want him to know that.
Now I have to explain.
Explain? Uh, no, you don't.
But he's gonna think I'm mad at him.
Zoey! You are mad at him!
I know! But I don't want him to know that.
And we've been cool, and I don't want to mess that up.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. - What?
Hold up! Unh!
What do you mean you've been cool?
Well... We've just...
It's nothing.
It doesn't sound like nothing.
Oh, my God. Zoey, are you talking to Cash?
Me?
- Are you freakin' kidding me?! - We've been listening to you cry
about this idiot for weeks, and you're still talking to him!
- Bitch, don't you know the rules? - What rules?
The rules about not talking to the ex
you're still sick over.
Okay, guys. I'm sorry. I didn't think I had to tell her this.
But, um, you obviously... don't talk to your ex.
Unfollow on Instagram.
Unfollow on Twitter. Everything.
If he's still stalking you, block his ass.
I mean, how else are you supposed to win the breakup?
Why are you still sitting there looking like that?
This is basic shit.
Okay, well, you know, I was... I was doing all of that,
and then he liked one of my Instagram posts.
Oh, God.
Of course he did. Was it old?
- Yeah. - Hm.
And then he hit you with the "Hey" text?
Sweetie, now you know.
And now you know what you have to do.
Do I have to delete his number?
- Can't I just stop talking to him? - Clearly not.
Maybe you should start with Instagram.
Yep. A simple unfollow.
I can't.
- Yes, you can! - Zoey, hit the button.
- Hit it, Zoey! Hit it! - Come on, Zoey!
- Hit the button, Zoey. - Hit it!
You know what, guys... I'm gonna be looking at his stuff
whether or not I follow him,
so, you know, just take my phone.
- Take my phone! - Really?
Please take my phone. Just take it until I am a stronger person.
- I am proud of you. - You did the right thing.
- Hmm. - Right.
Okay, well, now, excuse me
while I wash the mascara off my face
and have a panic attack in the bathroom.
Good plan.
You'll thank us later!
Should we just kill Cash?
You know I'm down.
Hey, maybe her uncle has some single sons.
Hey!
My life is not a joke!
Oh, come on.
Oh! Hey, guys. Guys, well...
All of you guys... are in there.
Um, well, I just, uh, came to check on Zoey,.
you know, make sure she was all right.
It's getting pretty crazy out here, so...
What's with the bubbly, dude?
Um, thought she might be thirsty.
You know, who knows when the next time
we'd be able to have an ice-cold beverage?
Oh, please.
You came in here to swoop in on Zoey, didn't you?
No, I didn't. I didn't do that.
You heard about her and Cash, all the lights are out,
and you just happen to roll up with some Cham Damme? Sure.
This is not a good look.
This is definitely a blackout hookup.
Blackout hookup? I don't even know what that is.
I've never even actually heard of that.
That's not a thing. Definitely not a thing.
Excuse me, queen.
You thirsty this evening?
Okay, I know what this looks like now
because, obviously, seeing him and me with the same...
Yo, dude, can I borrow your candle?
I feel like I'd have more luck with Wild Fig. Hey, Ana.
Can we come in? I think that's the best move.
Oh. What candle you have?
Wait. Hold on. So you're telling me
she's still talking to that clown?
Mm-hmm.
God. What's that smell?
Oh, that would be the scent of a swing and a miss.
Huh? No... Nobody swung. Nobody missed.
More importantly, you're still texting Frosted Tips?
I mean, do you not know the rules?
First of all, hi. Welcome to my dorm.
Second of all, I'm learning.
Hey, and from who? What, the First Wives Club over here?
I mean, what is this? Feelings Fest 2018?
You guys got pillows all around, Cheetos, and Takis?
Someone making a Cash voodoo doll next?
Come on, man. This is depressing.
Oh, right. This is way more depressing
than you showing up with a $60 candle
and a $5 bottle of André.
Hmm?
- Whatever. All right? - All I'm saying is that guys,
okay, we don't need all this to get over a breakup.
Don't they? Or are you just a sociopath?
Yeah, if you can move on that quickly,
you either weren't in love or you don't have feelings.
Uh, no. We just know how to manage our feelings better.
Okay? We can compartmentalize.
What's it gonna help, sitting around, being sad all day?
Well, maybe you actually do feel sad.
Can you back me up here, dude?
- Yeah, totally, you know. - Please?
I always just sweat it out after a breakup.
You know, just cleanse my body and my spirit.
Can I get a spot?
Someone?
Dude, I am legitimately embarrassed for you, bro.
Okay, why can't you just admit
that guys get upset over breakups, too?
Zoey, it's still not the same, okay?
Yeah, I was a little sad.
You have been cooped up in this room for weeks.
That is true. I came home and cried every night,
but I was still out on those streets.
Okay. Wait. Wait. So you're still trying to get it in
while being clinically depressed?
You got to at least try to get it in.
You really don't, though.
Yes, you do. But, I mean, okay, fine.
But being in this room, do you really feel any better?
Well, I was.
Zoey, you are.
You haven't mentioned Diane Lane in like three hours.
Thank God. And congratulations.
And, with that, I gotta pee.
- Ooh. Me too. - Me too! I'm coming.
- I can't hold it in anymore. - I got to go now, too.
Okay.
So, Wild Fig, huh?
Knew that was coming.
Um, look, for the record,
I wasn't trying to make you feel any worse, all right?
I know. And you didn't.
I'm open to any and all advice
that doesn't make me feel like some weak, pathetic idiot
that doesn't know what to do without her boyfriend.
Zoey, you are not the idiot. Okay? Cash is the idiot.
Yeah, he was a basketball player or whatever,
but he wasn't the only person in that relationship
worth being with, you know?
Right. 'Cause I-I'm some great girl.
Yeah. You are. You're beautiful.
You're super-chill, hella goofy.
- Goofy? - Yeah.
You are the queen of the awkward hand greeting.
So sue me for not knowing whether
we're going in for a hug or a handshake.
Exactly. You're goofy.
Yeah.
Anyway, this whole thing will blow over soon, and, um,
you'll be fine.
Yeah. You're right.
And I mean, come on, it's such a cliché, you know?
Zoe Kravitz? Okay.
Totally.
Wait. What are you talking about?
Well, I'm talking about, you know...
Oh, you don't know?
Know what, Aaron?
Cash is hooking up with Zoe Kravitz!
Can you believe this?!
We've only been broken up for three weeks,
and he's already with someone else!
He's with another Zoe!
I can't compete with the other Zoe,
and that asshole doesn't even have the decency
to give me the heads-up?
I mean, what kind of disrespectful...
Maybe they were just hanging out.
Like it was a, um, group trip to the...
Santa Monica Pier or something.
Oh, yeah. That makes sense. I think I just read somewhere
Zoe Kravitz loves the Ferris wheel. See?
- Just trying to help. - Hey, at least now
you're Eskimo sisters with Z-Krav.
I mean, that's... That's pretty dope.
Yeah, yeah, true. Technically, she got your sloppy seconds,
so you're winning, you know?
It's almost like... a good thing.
O-kay, you guys.
Thank you so much for coming.
We have to leave right now? I thought...
- Appreciate the candle. - Okay.
You know...
I guess I just wanted that... that glimmer of hope
that maybe Cash and I would get back together one day.
And that's why I was talking to him,
and he took that away from me.
You know what? Screw it.
- Screw it. I'm calling him. - No.
'Cause he is not going to get away with it!
Whoa. I got to be real with you, girl. You gonna look crazy.
She's right. I mean, whatever power you have
will completely disappear.
And what if he doesn't pick up?
You gonna leave a voicemail?
What if he does pick up? What are you gonna say?
Do you really want Zoe Kravitz and Cash laughing at you?
I could give a shit if Zoe Kravitz laughs at me.
I have to get this off my chest. Now give me my phone.
Do not call him!
I am calling him!
- Excuse me. - Okay.
- Oh, wow. - She's calling him.
It's dark!
- This bitch is crazy. - Oh, Jesus.
Okay.
Cash?
Zoey, I need to talk to you.
Cash, what the hell?
- Zoey? - What?
Zoey.
Okay. What are you doing here?
Oh. Right. You're hooking up with Zoe Kravitz, aren't you?
- Zoey, listen. - No. No. No, no.
You listen. We have been talking for weeks,
and you didn't think to mention
that you have a new girlfriend,
or whatever the hell you want to call her?
'Cause I was about to put my life on hold for you,
and you dump me, and that's...
It's embarrassing enough. And now this?
- God. I don't even want to look at you! - Zoe.
I screwed up.
Yeah.
And I'm sorry. But I'm here now.
'Cause all I want is you.
I know.
What'd he say?
Zoe Kravitz laughed at you, right?
We knew she would.
I didn't call.
Ohh!
- Thank God. - Wait. But what happened?
Well, I mean, I was so close,
but something just... didn't feel right.
- Then you made the right decision. - Mmm.
If you felt it, you need to trust that part of you.
Oh!
- Ohh! I can see! - Finally!
All right. You guys...
I didn't get over Cash in one night,
not even close.
But with Diane Lane,
a couple bags of Hot Cheetos and Takis,
and, most importantly, my friends...
Can I take the Wild Fig candle?
Oh!
...I did eventually get there.
I just got a text about a party across campus.
- There's still time. - You know I'm down.
But we'd have to bring our own alcohol.
- Nope, not worth it. - No.
- Yeah. - Hmn. I'm good here.
- Mm-hmm. - So what should we do?
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