With Cal U's 299-acre campus,
45,000 students, and 20,000 faculty and staff,
you'd think your world would be big and broad enough
to easily avoid running into your ex.
But when you're in college,
that world can start to feel like the size of a snow globe,
and that's when things become complicated.
And before you know it, your ex is everywhere you look,
and you can't seem to avoid him at all.
I'd assumed breaking up with Luca
would pretty much mean
our interactions would be extremely limited.
You know, the occasional "Hi. Bye.
Zoey, you look amazing".
But it turned out co-existing with my ex in a campus bubble
would result in enough mental madness
that I'd be forced to consider the age-old question...
Is it possible to be friends with your ex?
Oh, shit!
Hey, guys.
- What's up? - Hey.
This guy is literally everywhere.
In this case, I mean literally "literally",
which is literally the first time
I'm using this word correctly.
I'm a Junior now, guys.
Luca brought me bone broth.
- Mm. - Isn't that sweet?
It's vegan. The bones are coral.
Wow. I literally can't think of anything sweeter.
Gotta be honest... less confident on that one.
So, should we hang out?
Like, watch something, or... ?
Yeah, no.
Okay.
I should probably go.
- Yeah. - Bye, baby.
Baby.
Don't start.
Bye!
The baby says bye, too.
Wow! Whoa. Way to make it awkward.
I'm sorry, but he really caught me off-guard.
Nomi, I expect to run into him
on campus at the fashion building,
or outside of the fashion building
where he sits on a low branch and chain-smokes.
I do not expect it in my house,
here, eating bone broth from the sea.
Okay, look, Luca and I...
we bonded really hard last year when we all lived together,
and he's the only one who's treated me normally
since I've been pregnant.
So, just... can you just, like,
put aside any weirdness and try to be friends with him?
For my sake?
For the baby's sake?
I can say no to Nomi,
but how do I say no to an unborn baby?
No.
I don't know that baby yet.
♪ Donde, donde, donde, donde ♪
♪ Donde, donde ♪
♪ Donde, donde, donde, donde ♪
- ♪ Donde, donde ♪ - ♪ Donde, donde ♪
Okay, seriously?
How am I seeing him more now than when we were together?
Hey, do you think
I should ask Luca if he wants to join us?
Yeah. It's so sad.
We're all over here having fun without him.
Possibly because we're here without him.
He was part of our friend group before.
How long do we have to wait
until he can be part of the friend group again?
To be clear, he was never part of my friend group.
By my estimation,
he has already violated the 200 by 200 rule.
All exes should keep at least 200 feet away
for at least 200 days.
I like five by five. Keep 'em close.
Nomi wants me to try and be friends with him
for the sake of the baby.
But you don't even know that baby.
What does the baby have to do with you?
That's what I'm saying, but I guess
she just wants her two closest friends to get along.
Okay, that is asking for too much
because if Doug and I broke up,
he automatically becomes your enemy, right?
Yeah, if we break up,
I'm pretty sure one of us would have to transfer.
Me. Me.
I... I-I would transfer, baby.
I don't think you have to cut people out of your lives
just 'cause you're not with them anymore.
I mean, I'm cool with all of my exes, even this guy.
- Whoa. - Technically,
we were never together, so...
Okay, well, technically, you cry after sex,
so, yeah, maybe we shouldn't be friends.
- Ooh! - Um, my bad that I get moved
after my excellent performances.
Also, that was supposed to be between us.
- Oops. - Well, after five days,
I tried the friend thing, and it did not work.
I mean, I had to block Junior
because he was struggling so hard to let it go.
I mean, he tried to make #Skunior a thing.
♪ Ya, Mumma told you that I'm gorgeous ♪
It did not trend.
I think we should all agree to just not smash within the friend group.
Yeah.
Now you say that, Sniffles.
One tear, Ana. One.
Damn.
I mean, I wish I had an endless list of heartbreaks
and countless drama like you guys.
Eh, there does not need to be drama.
Matter of fact,
Luca and I were friends well before we got together,
so I am sure we are mature enough
to become friends again.
We can do this.
Mm-hmm.
Hey, bro.
Wanna come join us over there?
Nah, I'm good. I'm with people.
Oh, cool, cool, cool. Friends?
No, Zoey, they're just people.
What in the world
did we ever talk about when we were together?
Well, are you doing anything fun tonight
after you leave?
Yep.
You?
Oh, me?
Uh, well, I think some of us are gonna go to the diner
after this and get some milkshakes.
You want to come through?
Mm, not particularly.
Okay.
Hoo.
It doesn't particularly look like
we're gonna be friends after all.
Sorry, Nomi's baby, whoever you are.
I tried.
This is the pivotal moment where Kanye commanded the stage,
spoke to his audience,
and fearlessly stole this poor, unidentified white girl's shine.
The diction, the conviction, the dereliction.
These are all lessons that you will learn
in this African-American public-speaking class,
where I will also prepare you, too,
to steal some unidentified white person's shine.
So...
We begin with...
the, uh...
Uh... s...
Nobody move. I'm going to go call my lawyer.
Hi. Hey.
- Hey. - I don't mean to bother you or anything,
but I just had a question
about what exactly is going on right now?
Mm, don't worry. He's nobody.
Well, how does he have a teaching job, then?
Mm, he's Dean of Students.
Apparently, he missed academia so much
that he created and then assigned himself
to teach this questionably racist public-speaking class.
Wow.
Um... well, I'm starting to think
doing my exchange program here was maybe a bad idea.
Depends. Where did you transfer from?
- Spelman. - Oh.
I'd really like to say no,
but yeah, that was a bad idea.
One of my biggest regrets is the fact that I never applied there.
I just really thought
that I was gonna miss my family.
- Mm-hmm. - But I was wrong.
Well, now that I know one of your biggest regrets,
then I should probably know your name.
I am so sorry.
Um, I am Zoey, and welcome to Cal U.
I'm Jillian, and I get it.
I mean, I already miss Spelman a lot.
I wish we met a few weeks ago
'cause my roommates threw the best HBCU-style party.
Wait, I was there. That was a sick house.
I left right after the cops tackled that naked dude with the braid.
Mm.
Who was that guy?
I dunno.
Certainly no one I've ever kissed.
No.
Hey.
Oh, hey.
Sorry I was being weird last night.
I was super blazed.
I started using this indica contact-lens solution.
I couldn't even keep my eyes open.
Oh, were things weird?
That's why things were so weird!
You know, I feel like I have a real shot at friendship
with this weirdo.
That's a dope jacket.
Oh. Thanks.
It's Anti-Muse, the line you inspired.
Well, as your inspiration,
- I feel like I at least deserve a free shirt. - Mm.
Let me talk to the boss, see what I can figure out.
Okay, well, I'm excited to see your new line.
Cool. Spread the word.
I'm trying to get it out there. Antimule.com.
I accidentally bought the wrong domain name.
Anyways, what's done is done.
As I watched Luca go,
I wondered why he had that roll-y bag,
and equally, why I hadn't asked him about it.
But I realized that with our easy banter
and a glimmer of our old friendship coming back to life,
I didn't want to mess up what seemed to be
the beginning of a new chapter in our conscious uncoupling.
Damn.
I inspired some fire stuff.
Oh, I am such a good friend.
Spread the word.
It had been two weeks,
and Luca and I were genuinely in the friend zone.
I was feeling great about how maturely we were behaving,
and according to Nomi, her baby was extremely pleased.
Allegedly, it pushed a thumbs up on her belly wall.
I don't know.
I still don't trust that baby.
Here we go.
Round two.
Mm.
By popular demand.
Mmm!
This batch of bone broth is a little brinier.
Mm-hmm.
Did you add some, uh, extra coral?
There's so much coral.
Actually, it's sea moss.
Sucks the toxins right out of your body.
- Mm. - Mm.
As much as I'd love to go into round three,
I have to get to work.
I also have to replenish those toxins with a hot dog.
Mm.
Please bring me a hot dog after work.
- Of course. - Actually, can you bring me one, too?
I just like to nibble on the casings.
Dude, you do know they're not vegan, right?
Vegan's a mindset.
He's not wrong.
Actually, what in the world am I saying?
He couldn't be more wrong.
But it's nice to be back.
- Bye! See you at home? - Yeah.
- Bye. - Later.
What the hell?
'Sup, playboy? Can I help you with something?
Uh, yeah. I'm here to pick up Sky?
- You normally pick up girls in their backyards? - My bad.
This is just where people were coming in and out
during the party a few weeks ago, so I thought maybe...
No, my bad, man. You came to the party?
What did you think? We did our thing, right?
You didn't do shit, Vivek.
- Hey, Rodney. - Okay.
I see you.
Alright, man, careful with that.
"Careful with that".
I guess where you're from,
people just use other people's bats without asking.
Sorry.
You don't need to get all sad.
Just ask next time.
It's not that.
It's just...
first there was the whole exes debate at Titanium,
and just now seeing Sky leave to go on a date...
Sky had a date?
Damn.
She really does lead a secret life.
Yeah, with some guy she met at my party, at my house,
which was filled with hella honeys I couldn't land.
Did you use the term "honeys" to their faces?
No.
- Oh. - Okay, whatever.
That just further highlights the fact
that I have absolutely zero going on in my love life.
Okay, well, what about those dating apps we talked about?
- How are those going? - Not good.
I literally signed up for every single app I could find,
including Gluten Free Singles,
but that just turned out to be a targeted ad
for an individual sliced-bread substitute.
Give me your phone.
I need to see what you're doing wrong.
God bless if you can figure it out.
My profile is pretty flawless.
Do not bring God into this.
Oh.
These are all ab shots and gym selfies.
And what is this bio?
"No one looks better in a red Gucci sweater"?
Name one person that looks better in a red Gucci sweater.
Huh. Okay. Damn.
Well, I guess I can't.
But none of these show you in a red sweater
or a shirt of any color.
Alright, have a seat.
Your profile needs some serious work.
Go use the bathroom if you need to,
but please wash your hands.
Alright? Come on.
This gonna be awhile.
Dude.
These are so sick.
I mean...
disgusto, right?
So gross.
So, do you have any ideas
on how you're gonna spread the word about your new line?
Yeah.
I forgot you really can't ask Luca "yes or no" questions.
Oh, cool, cool, cool.
Well, I just have this feeling
that it would look so amazing
on, like, uh, a magazine cover or something.
Like what? Vogue?
No.
No, not like a Vogue.
Anyways, we were going over
this really big project at work,
and... I can't really talk about it...
but Joey's doing the cover of Paper Magazine.
Please don't tell anybody.
Anyway, showed him your website,
suggested a few pieces.
He loved them.
And why the would you do that?
That's definitely not how friends say "thank you".
Dude, what's wrong? I thought you'd be excited.
'Cause if I got any of my other friends' stuff
on the cover of a magazine,
they'd be thrilled,
and also a little surprised
'cause, sure, they don't design clothes.
Sorry I'm not thrilled that my ex
is once again making me look like a bitch
in front of the same guy that she played me with.
I was trying to help you.
Well, I don't need your help,
- and I definitely never asked for it. - Oh, okay.
Screw it, then. Don't have a magazine cover,
'cause there's plenty of other designers
who would have loved this opportunity.
Well, give it to one of them, then.
Oh, I will. I will.
I'm gonna call them right now.
Damn.
I don't personally know any other designers.
But he doesn't know that.
Jazz, I appreciate it,
but I don't think we needed to bring Doug in on this.
Uh, yes, I did. This is all hands on deck.
Babe, tell him what we talked about.
Bro, you can't be having your nipples out
in all your profile pictures.
What? Well, how many do I get?
Zero. No nipple shots.
Zero? That sounds kinda conservative.
Hey! I got a match!
You still gotta cover up them nips, though.
Let me see.
Yep. That's an actual girl.
She said, "Hey".
She's so funny.
Wh... I got to write something back.
Bro, no, let's talk about this.
Your opening text
is the most important one that you're gonna send.
She has to know that you're intelligent...
- Mm-hmm. - ... financially secure...
- Mm-hmm. - ... and well-traveled.
Well, how do I say all of that in one text?
Tell her you have TSA Pre-Check.
- But I don't. - She don't know that.
Hold on.
You told me that you have TSA Pre-Check.
Do you not have TSA Pre-Check?
Oh.
Oh, so, I'm just gonna have to remove my shoes at security?
I'm gonna need to get two bins now, huh, Douglas?
You can use one bin, and I can take the laptops
- through the... through the thing. - Two laptops?
They won't let you through there with two laptops.
Do you want to be detained?
Unless you guys are traveling within the next hour,
I need to reply to this nipple-loving honey.
Sounds like we're traveling never.
- Where you going? - Excuse me.
Bro, just use the TSA line. It's gonna work.
I don't know, man.
I really don't want to start my relationship
based on lies about traveling privileges.
I know what to say.
"We... did it!"
We did what?
You know, "We did it". "We matched".
Bro, no.
You know what she's thinking right now?
"This little nipply man with highlights in his hair
got to wait three hours in the airport line".
That's what she thinking.
Well, actually, she just wrote back.
She said, "We nailed it", with laughing emojis.
Your corny-ass text worked.
Jazz, baby, we did it.
We sure did.
- Eeeeeeeee! - My guy.
You're going on a date.
- Eee! - Okay.
Listen...
I promised myself this year that when it came to my career,
I wasn't gonna get in my own way.
So, here. You can give these to your boy.
Gee, thanks.
Look, Luca, I wasn't trying to cause any drama.
I was trying to do the mature thing
and help somebody that I consider a friend.
Well, your mature gesture felt a lot like pity.
But it wasn't, I swear.
Do you not see how foul that was?
I'm genuinely trying to connect two talented people.
That's me looking out for you.
That's not looking out for me.
I mean, how do you not get this?
Not get what, Luca?
That the history between you and this dude
and our history as exes makes it a little bit more complicated
than just connecting two people.
I mean, do you not remember when you played me for this dude?
Oh, my gosh! I didn't play you!
And you said you were over it.
You're right. I am over this.
I'm a million percent off this.
You and me both, and you know what?
I think we tried this friendship thing too soon
because we're clearly not ready.
No, and I don't think we'll ever be ready,
'cause I was never trying to be your friend.
- I was in love with you. - And I was in love with you, too.
It turned out the balance of friendship with an ex
was way more complicated than I'd anticipated.
While some people are mature enough
to navigate this tricky dynamic,
others backslide on their kitchen counters.
And in my case, trying to raise the question
of whether two exes could ever truly be friends
ultimately raised more questions than answers.
Babe!
I have a surprise for you!
Jazlyn?
What?
Oh.
What is it?
Your phone?
I don't get it.
Look, it finally came.
Oh, baby. You got TSA Pre-Check?
Wait, you didn't get Global Entry?