Mark Zuckerberg.
Tavi Gevinson.
Malala Yousafzai.
[Bleep] those people.
Okay, fine. They're amazing.
But that's the problem.
These guys set the bar so high,
they put a ridiculous amount of pressure
on the rest of my generation
to figure it all out before we hit 25,
the pressure to graduate summa cum laude
or to have a million Instagram followers...
or to become the next Soundcloud superstar...
...or the pressure to find the perfect internship
that will one day lead to the perfect job.
But as much pressure as we think we're under,
it's nothing compared to college basketball players.
I'm Cash Mooney from Oakland, California,
and I can't wait to bring my game to the college level.
♪ Heart of the lion ♪
♪ Fire inside me, blaze like a siren ♪
♪ Why won't you try it? ♪
♪ Wake up the beast, no, I can't keep silent ♪
All-American Cash Mooney!
What a move! He's as good as cash money!
♪ Get loud for me ♪
The number-one high-school player in the country...
♪ Get, get loud for me ♪
...coming to a Division-I college near you.
♪ Get, get loud for me ♪
Wait. So, he asked for me to be his tutor?
I'm just as shocked as you.
♪ Watch out, world, I'm grown now ♪
♪ I'm grown ♪
♪ Learn something new every day ♪
♪ I don't know know, so I'ma feel my way ♪
♪ Got the weight of the world on me ♪
♪ But no regrets, this is what I say ♪
♪ Watch out world, I'm grown now ♪
- ♪ I'm grown ♪ - ♪ You can tell me ♪
♪ My heart beating so loud ♪
♪ Mama, look, I'm grown now ♪
♪ I'm grown ♪
Well, why does it have to be me?
Don't you... Don't you have people for this?
Uh, yeah. You.
You signed up for the tutoring program.
You must "toot."
And remember Cal U's motto...
"You do me a favor, I do you a favor."
I thought it was, "Per Studia Mens Nova."
Well, I thought it was, "You asked me
to write you a recommendation for a Teen Vogue fellowship."
Uh, yes.
I mean, you can say it to yourself in Latin if that helps.
I don't know how to.
...coming to a Division-I college near you.
My new student.
I can't believe Dean Parker's making you do this.
Making her? Dude's insane.
I saw a video of him dunking at 9 years old.
Yeah, even I know that.
He's on the short list of black guys
that my dad would be cool with me dating.
- Okay, pause. Your dad has a list? - Yeah.
Um, Cash and Odell Beckham.
Kevin Hart was on it,
but then he got scratched off.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- That makes sense. - You know what?
Guys, I get who Cash is.
I just don't care about a basketball player.
Right now, all I'm about is getting this fellowship.
He needs to pass a class.
I need a rec letter.
They're totally gonna bone.
No, we're not.
I am off of guys for a minute,
especially after the whole Aaron/Luca mess.
Hey, what the...
Wow.
I know you ain't talking to this clown.
I'm the clown? Bro, you look like Willow Smith.
Guys.
Yeah. You're wack.
Yeah, but Aaron and Luca are clowns
- compared to Cash Mooney. - Yeah.
Seriously. You don't see a 40-foot banner
of Aaron's ducktail blocking the wheelchair ramp
on the way into the library, do you?
This is not about a guy.
This is about getting a good rec from the Dean of Students
so I can lock down the flyest fellowship in town.
You guys are ridiculous.
You're ridiculous, bitch.
Whoa.
My bad. I-I felt threatened.
I felt it too, girl.
You have nothing to apologize for.
- Okay. - Yeah, just...
My first study session with Cash
wasn't off to a great start.
- In fact, it never started. - Yo, Zoey, where you going?
Where am I going?
Dude, you were an hour late.
I'm sorry. I had practice.
Okay, look, I get that you're the king of Cal U
and I get that everyone loves you around here,
but I don't need this.
You know, there's gotta be easier ways
to get a recommendation letter, so I'm out.
Zoey, wait.
Oh, my God.
Seriously, stop.
Dude, can you stop? Please!
This is not a good look.
Campus security is gonna think I'm chasing you.
Because you are.
Look, I-I'm sorry.
I had a rough night.
Coach got in my ass about how I've been playing.
I'm not sure if you heard,
but my first couple of games didn't go so great.
Probably because your cardio sucks.
Zoey, I need you.
I really need your help.
You're probably just trying to run some stupid little game,
and I'm not interested.
There are a million other tutors. You don't need me.
Look, I'm gonna be honest with you.
Did I ask for you because you're super cute?
Yes.
But I knew if I had a pretty girl tutoring me,
I wouldn't want to look stupid.
Look, I gotta pass this class, or I'm done.
So, that's all it's about?
You passing your class and me being stunning?
Yes. 100%.
No creepy stuff.
Besides the fact that you just chased me right now.
Besides chasing you.
Okay.
Man, everything used to just click in high school.
Then I get here,
and everybody's expecting me to be that dude.
But I've been putting up bricks.
Coach took away my spot, got all in my head.
I can't find a rhythm anymore.
I get it.
I mean, I ran my high school,
and I thought I was gonna run this place,
but it's... it's just so different,
trying to balance classes and friends and guys.
Nothing comes easy.
Oh, no, wait.
There's one thing that's come easy...
my new nickname.
Can we get some cups?
They're calling you the "Cup Bitch."
- No. - Yes.
You're the Cup Bitch?
- You've heard of me? - No way.
Well, at least I have someone famous
who's gonna help me ace this test.
Oh, slow down, cowboy. Ace it?
Let's aim for a low "C" and just call it a win.
Okay. I'm in.
Hey.
What's, uh... What's... What's... What's up?
What's up, guys?
Yo. What's up, lil' man?
Yeah, it's, uh, not the best time for a selfie right now,
but I'll catch you on the way out.
I actually didn't come for a...
Sorry about that.
Oh, no, you have nothing to apologize for.
Did you just see that?
Game night at Cal U
meant you had to get to the Titanium early enough
so you didn't end up like this guy.
Bobby! Marshawn!
Hey, hey, can you tell the bouncer who I am?
Boys, I know you see me!
You just pointed at me and laughed!
Hi. Um, what's the cheapest beer
you've got at this fine establishment?
Uh, Madison Lager. There's not even a close second.
Do you, uh... Can I get you one?
Thank you.
But, um, we're on a date.
- Can I buy you both one? - We're not looking for a threesome, Slick.
Oh, no, no, no, no. II didn't mean it like that.
I mean, they're cheap beers.
I was just trying to apologize for the misunderstanding.
You don't need to apologize.
You should just leave.
Okay.
You were, um, coming in kinda hot there, weren't you?
I just hate straight guys
with the whole lesbian-fantasy thing.
It's so cliché.
Oh, my God, yeah, it is so cliché.
I hate clichés, too.
But I feel like the threesome one is pretty hot.
So you're down with the objectification of our people?
Oh, no. I mean, technically, I'm bi, so...
You are?
I wanna say, "Yeah,"
but you're giving me a real strong "no" vibe.
Look, I don't want to be some girl's experiment, okay?
So, why don't you call me
when you're done going through this whole bi phase?
Wait. Did you just... Did you just say "phase"?
She just said "phase," you guys.
I heard it.
You know, it's LGBTQ!
Respect the letter, bitch!
Hi.
Hey. I'll take that beer now.
Cal U faces a tough opponent tonight in Campbell State.
But before we can get to that,
we have to address the elephant in the room...
Cassius Mooney.
Cal U had high hopes for the top recruit in the country,
but, Kenny, as we come to the third game,
he's not even in the starting lineup.
You know what?
I watched him in the McDonald's game,
and I just knew he was gonna be in the League.
But now... I hate to say it...
in this day and age, if you're not a one-and-done,
you better start looking for a major.
Ohh. Looks like, uh, lil' man's having a rough go.
He's a kid.
I just don't get how anybody can be expected to play
when you've got millions of people
who don't even know you talking crap about you.
I can barely play Bop It when people are watching.
I don't feel sorry for him.
Do you know how much my parents paid
for me to go to school?
And he gets to go to school for free
for throwing a ball through a net.
You think it's just about
throwing a ball through a net, Ana?
Being a college athlete's your whole life.
Yeah. For us with track team,
there's practice, conditioning,
weights, meets, therapy, film, travel.
And you get paid for it.
Mm. Paid?
Maybe with an education, but Cash doesn't get any money.
He's broke.
He couldn't afford a piece of pizza.
- What? - Mm-hmm.
Wow. If he's broke, then what are you guys?
Sitting here wondering if you're gonna finish those poppers.
It's classic market economics.
You know how much colleges make off these guys?
Like billions.
Cal U throws out, what, 40K, 50K for a scholy,
but the basketball program alone
made $75 mil last year, so...
Wow. That is so messed up.
Oh, it's real messed up.
Lemme break it down.
Now, you see this network right here?
Paid $10 billion, with a "B,"
for the rights to play games like this on television.
Oh, you see this guy right here? That's the coach.
He makes $7.2 million, win or lose.
Now, you see these people sitting in the seat right here,
these great seats?
These are the boosters.
These guys paid $1,700 a pop to sit in these seats
and $200 for these jerseys
that these 18-year-olds wear and get no money from.
And for all the money they make for the university
and the collegiate athletic system, you know what?
Only less than 1% of them actually play professionally.
Yeah, that's real messed up.
Once again, the system profits off the backs
of the black man, you know?
Or woman.
And we don't get paid for it. It's the same old story.
You know what? We're just gonna take these poppers.
Yes. Grab the ranch, too.
But, I mean, truth be told, your boy shouldn't be getting paid.
He kind of... He kind of sucks.
Mm-hmm.
Inbound to Mooney. Brings the ball up the court.
Yes!
Wow. He dribbled the ball off his foot and out of bounds.
Yeah. Damn.
Poor Cash.
And those Titans lose again.
So, Cash had another rough game,
and it turned out
he wasn't the most popular guy on campus anymore.
I have lattes for Zoey and Cash "So-not-money"?
Great.
Zoey, if you check your inbox,
you'll see that I sent you your letter of recommendation
for the Teen Vogue fellowship.
- Oh, my God, thank you so much. - Eh.
But I'm not done tutoring Cash.
Well, according to the boosters and the athletic department,
you most definitely are.
But Cash hasn't even taken his midterms yet.
And he's gonna struggle.
Look, I admire what you did for that kid, truly,
but if you really want to help the school out,
we have a 6'7" outside linebacker
who's having a muy hard time with Español.
Okay, wait. So, you guys are just gonna give up on him?
I don't want to lie to you.
So don't make me.
I have a chai latte for Dean Parker.
Oh.
So, the school was giving up on Cash.
Ah. He turned the "D" into the head of a penis.
But was I ready to?
While the term "filibuster" ultimately derives
from the Dutch term "vrijbuiter,"
to mean a pillaging and plundering adventurer...
Cash, can you please stop making dunk videos and focus?
- ...its first recorded usage... - What's the point?
...in modern English
- ...comes from a book... - How about so you can pass your midterms
and stay eligible?
Zoey, none of that shit matters anymore.
They're saying I'm the biggest bust in the country.
No one's saying that.
Cash, a lot of people are saying
you just might be the biggest bust in the country.
Whatever, Cash.
No one watches sports on TV, anyways.
It's like all of a sudden,
I forgot how to play basketball.
I don't even know what I'm doing here anymore.
This was my dream.
Now it feels like I'm never going to the League.
You don't know that.
Cash, a lot of people are saying
you're probably never going to the League.
Well, a lot of people said
Hillary Clinton was gonna win, too, so...
That is true...
and also making me feel worse.
All I'm saying is, let's say, worst-case scenario,
- you don't go to the League. - Hold on. What?
No, like, worst, worst, worst case.
You're still getting a great education
at one of the best universities in the country for free.
Take advantage of it.
Use this place.
I mean, I always see you making these amazing videos,
and you're always watching movies.
I'm sure you've probably seen everything.
This school has a great film program.
Maybe you can do that.
And if that's not your thing,
we'll find you something else.
My point is,
you're more than just a basketball player.
Thanks.
Yeah.
So, Cash promised me he'd stay in the fight
and keep going with the tutoring.
And I promised him I would never wear one of those shirts.
Well, here we are, friend,
back at it again, and this is a big one.
This is the number-one-ranked Minnesota Blackhawks
looking to continue their winning streak
against the struggling Cal U Titans.
Oh, hey, look, Zoey. Your boy's getting up.
Is he getting in?
No. No, he's not. He's just untucking his shirt.
I think he's settling in for the night.
Can you stop hating for like two seconds?
Cash is gonna be fine with or without basketball.
He's actually considering becoming a director.
Really? A director?
Oh, o-okay.
Like that's a far-fetched idea.
Tell me... how many jobs for revolutionaries
are there on Monster?
All right, all right, all right, fries, everybody.
- I love this guy. - Me, too.
Girls. All of them? Please, can I have...
- They're hungry. - You're such a sweetheart.
Oh, I'm not that big of a sweetheart.
She's just used to not being treated well.
That's true.
Okay, so, the other night, we got totally trashed,
but it was so cool 'cause he came back the next morning
with a hangover care package.
Okay, Tylenol, Pedialyte, and a big-ass cheeseburger.
- Huge. - A man who gets you drunk
and then buys you a cheeseburger?
Girl, that is boyfriend material.
That's husband material.
Robinson goes down hard.
- This would be a big loss for the Titans. - Uh-oh.
Looks like we're gonna have a rare Cash...
Y-Your boy's taking off his warm-ups.
Oh, my God, he's going in!
Yes!
Finally, another Cash Mooney fan.
No, no, no, not at all.
I bet the spread,
and I need the Blackhawks to blow our guys out.
Otherwise, I'm not gonna make my car payment.
Mooney over half-court,
looking to get the ball in the post.
And his pass goes sailing out of bounds.
It looks like he's got those jitters.
Hey, it happens.
- We all make mistakes. - I just can't watch this.
Where you going? Zoey?
- Really? We're doing that? - Hey.
- What was that all about? - You know what?
It's... It's nothing.
She's just... She was a girl I was hooking up with.
She tried to make a big deal about me being bi.
Okay, she thinks that I'm...
I'm an immature lesbian going through a phase.
That's ridiculous, right?
I mean, I've messed with guys. Doesn't make me gay.
Huh?
Sorry.
- So, when you say... - Mm-hmm?
...you've messed with guys,
that was, like,
a "one time, I messed with a guy" phase?
No, no.
No. I'm bi, just like you, huh?
Totally. Just like me.
You good?
Yeah, I'll be all right. Thank you.
So, I bailed on the game,
but it seemed no matter where I went,
I couldn't get away from it.
Are you kidding me?!
I've never seen anything like it!
I finally understood how these people got into Cash's head.
They were monsters.
How is this happening?!
This Cash guy is unbelievable!
Why don't you guys just leave him alone? God!
3 ball.
Oh, my God! Zoey, did you just see what happened?!
- No. - Come here before they replay!
Come on! Come on! Hurry! Hurry!
It's awesome!
Hurry up!
Cash Mooney with the performance of a lifetime,
- a school-record 51 points! - Yeah, Sean.
Not only did this guy almost single-handedly
take down the number-one team in the country,
but he's made a statement that he's for real.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
And we're here with the man of the hour.
Cash, that was unreal.
You couldn't have scripted it any better than that.
Tell us... what happened out there?
Well, I mean, my guys found me in my spots,
and, uh, I guess I was just locked in.
It's got to feel pretty good to silence your naysayers.
Am I right?
Right now it's not even about the naysayers.
It's about the people that stuck with me when I was down.
Shout-out to my curly-haired Cup Bitch.
Uh, sorry, folks.
I don't think we can actually say that on TV.
Oh, no, don't worry. Nobody watches sports on TV, anyway.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
He's talking to me. I am the Cup Bitch.
I am the Cup Bitch!
I really need a new nickname.
Or... Or maybe I can live with it.
So, I'd gotten my letter of recommendation,
and Cash had killed his game.
I got two lattes for Cash and Cup Bitch.
It was time to see if we could both rise to the occasion
and just barely pass our U.S. Gov test.
Hey, you will not believe what they wrote on my cup.
Oh. Thank you.
I'm sorry.
You must be in the wrong seat.
My friend Cash actually usually sits here.
- No, wait. You're not... - Shh!
Be cool, Cup Bitch.
What?
_
Yo, Zoey.
- Uh, hey. - You see the game last night?
Hey, who was taking your midterm for you?
Midterm? Oh, yeah, don't worry about that.
What do you mean, don't worry about it?
Zoey, I'm good now.
We're good.
Yo, Aaron, wanna hit Titanium, catch the game?
- No, I'm good. - You all right, man?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Go on ahead, bro, without me.
Go, Titans.
_
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