♪ Hey, ya ♪
ZOEY: Couples...
they come in every flavor imaginable,
especially at Cal U, and each one get a label.
- The "CrossFit Couple." - [Phone chiming]
The "Throuple."
♪ Hot damn ♪
And, of course, the "Hella Cute Couple."
[Phone chiming]
But no matter what kind of couple you're in,
there's one label everyone wants.
They just got tagged "Relationship goals."
Jaw drop.
Jazz and Doug may be looking like a snack or whatever,
but Luca and I are out here looking like a whole entrée.
♪
[Phone chiming]
♪
Since he got back from Paris,
Luca and I have been on the whole
"getting used to being on the same continent couple,"
but are we not "relationship goals"?
♪ Watch out, world, I'm grown now ♪
♪ I'm grown ♪
♪ Learn something new every day ♪
♪ I don't know, so I'm-a feel my way ♪
♪ Got the weight of the world on me ♪
♪ But no regrets, this is what I say ♪
♪ Watch out, world, I'm grown now ♪
- ♪ I'm grown ♪ - ♪ You can tell me ♪
♪ My heart beating so loud ♪
♪ Mama, look, I'm grown now ♪
♪ I'm grown ♪
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com
♪
Okay. Hold up.
Jazz and Doug are relationship goals now?
#HowSway. I mean, you guys are adorable.
Don't get me wrong.
But you're not exactly Steph and Ayesha.
- No offense. - None taken.
Those two are hella corny.
Girl, amen.
Skinny LeBron and Black Martha Stewart
get on my nerves with her cookbook ass.
But Riley Curry, though.
All right. Why don't we agree to just strongly disagree on that point?
I'll circle back, by the way, but just,
out of curiosity or whatever,
why aren't Luca and I considered goals?
I mean, guys, we're undeniably pretty.
Zoey, relationship goals aren't just about looks.
No, of course. I-I totally get that.
It's about a vibe, right? It's about being aspirational,
and I don't know what's more aspirational
than two people dripping in Louis.
- This isn't about Louis. - This is about a guy
elevating a girl to wifey in a world
full of situation-ships and [bleep] boys.
And [bleep] girls. We are out here, too.
You all make it sound so cheap.
It's about two people deciding to commit
so you can stop using condoms.
- Oh. - Ooh.
Luca and I are committed, but still being safe.
Guys, we just survived a three-month,
long-distance relationship.
We're talking about "ride or die" commitment.
The ones who stuck together through the good, the bad,
the jail time, like Gucci and Keyshia.
Oh, my gosh. Those two are so heroic.
I can't believe she stuck with him throughout that whole bid.
And those teeth.
Cleaned up his diet while he was in there, too.
He came out looking like a zaddy.
Ride or die, baby. Ultimate relationship goals.
Let's just be reasonable.
Where are they riding to, and why does someone have to die?
It's just loyalty, not that you would understand
being a rich White girl from Alaska.
- I'm from Connecticut. - Girl, it's the same place.
[Muttering] It's not. It's like a...
Well, I actually agree with Nomi.
Yeah, no, true love should feel like a fairy tale.
- Not what I said. - That's not what she said.
I am Meghan Markle.
And I am looking for my Prince Harry, #HappilyEverAfter.
[Gags] Oh, I'm sorry.
It's just that you're scaling new heights of basic every time.
Okay, all this just feels like
a bunch of people raised by single parents
who are idealizing romantic relationships.
We get it. You read "The New Yorker."
You can relax.
Yeah, and none of us were raised in a single-parent household.
- Mm-hmm. - Like, not one of us.
Yeah.
Well, you didn't let me get to my second point, Zoey.
There's a second one?
Which is...
you're all just a bunch of vapid, pathetic followers
who are in it for the flex.
Hold up. There's nothing vapid or pathetic
about two people in love just wanting the world to see.
Plus these thirsty-ass hos need to know who not to look at twice
unless they want to catch these hands.
ZOEY: Not where I was going with it,
but circling it back to the point that I was making,
Luca and I are finally together.
We're very much in love, and I very much want the world to see,
so how are we not relationship goals?
♪
Sorry about that.
Sorry about ruining...
[Raising voice] ...your goddamn life, son!
Whoo!
Trash moves. Pure trash.
And try a team that's not Barcelona.
- That's some cheating. - Yeah.
Uh-oh. "First day RA" is here to keep us in line.
Come on, man! I was about to win that game.
Not even close, bruh. Anti-facts.
[Sighs] I'm asking for the bare minimum here, guys.
I'm out here trying to elevate Hawkins to its rightful status
as a beacon of black excellence here at Cal U.
- You got to be kidding. - You understand that?
So next time you want to come over here and take
40 straight L's on FIFA, how about you think about
whether or not you'd treat Mama Africa like this?
Whatever, narc. My house is preppin'
for tonight's mini-music festival.
It's called Brochella.
The headliners are Trippie Redd and the Backpack Kid,
and I know you two don't have shit to do, so, uh,
I'll see you there.
- [Can clatters] - Goal!
[Sighs]
It's only week two.
How did those clowns at Winthrop House
already have a music festival?
You know they got that A-1 nyooom skrrrrt.
Honestly, yo, it sounds lit.
I might have to pull up in the Jordan Suedes one time and go do it.
We cannot let these rich White boys get the jump on us!
It's time that we re-establish Hawkins,
not only as a beacon of Black excellence, of something...
- Yo. - [Stutters] Yeah?
- I'm gonna let you finish. - Hmm?
How many times am I gonna have to hear that this year?
Just one more time.
Because as a beacon of Black excellence,
I'm about to make shit pop off tonight, okay?
Sounds like a "Patagonia Slides" night to me.
You mind grabbing some of that, uh...
- It's all you, G. - You taking... You taking a nap?
My guy.
See, a great couple's photo is all about body language.
Boom! Look how you're pointing away from each other.
Bad sign.
Also!
Your legs are crossed. Makes you seem defensive.
Yeah, and why is he staring at his hands and not at you?
He just... really loves his rings.
You guys look amazing.
You're like an Urban Outfitters bus ad.
But, I don't know, maybe the camera's
just not capturing what you guys have in real life.
Or maybe it is.
All right, what was that passive-ass statement?
Oh, nothing. It's just... I don't know.
Ever since Luca's been back,
you guys have just seemed, like, a little off.
[Quietly] I totally know what she means.
All right, and what the hell do you mean by that?
It's...
Really, guys?! Oh, okay.
So we're just gonna, like, pretend that
the "Zuca 911" group text about their sinking relationship
just, all of a sudden, it doesn't exist?
- Nomi! - "Sinking relationship"?
Is that how you really feel?
Okay, Zoey. It's not that big of a deal.
You guys just seem a little awkward.
Yeah, it's just because it's taking a moment
for our internal clocks to re-align.
He's still on Paris time.
He's been back two weeks.
Guys, it's just a couple of bad photos.
Okay, Zoey, really think about it.
Since when do you and Luca take "bad photos"?
Oh, God.
Check-freakin'-mate, Ana.
The camera doesn't just love us,
it makes us playlists and asks to meet our moms.
My worst fear is coming true.
Not only are we not relationship goals,
there's something just a bit off between us,
and the entire world can see it.
[Sighs]
♪ See, I'm fresh when I walk in ♪
♪ Steal ya girl, Kenny Lofton ♪
♪ I don't know what a loss is ♪
So, my girls had confirmed
what I'd been scared to admit...
Luca and I were out of sync, but thanks to Aaron
and his impromptu outdoor movie night at Hawkins,
I now had a super-romantic setting to prove to everyone
how "goals" Luca and I really were.
DOUG: Damn, Aaron really did it.
This is high-key a very beautiful situation.
Mm-hmm.
I just wish I didn't have my toes out.
- We all do, man. - Yeah, it's not bad.
I love a softly lit ambience.
I agree. I agree with you completely
since we're on the same page and all, you know.
Right.
Listen, this cooler feels like it's, ugh,
filled with severed heads. Where should we sit?
- In the back. - Up front... in the back.
I love the back, actually. I don't know why I said up front.
[Loudly groans] How about we sit right here?
[Feedback]
How are you guys feeling tonight?!
[Cheers, applause]
Welcome and thank you for coming out to Hawkins Hall's
first edition of "Cinema Paranegro."
Now, as the RA of Hawkins this year,
I've made it my sole mission
to elevate this place to new highs, you know?
Like, just super-high, unattainable highs,
so I got a bunch of dope stuff lined up for you guys.
Honestly, we got barbecues, brunches, pool parties,
pajammy-jams with, like, the different animals on them.
It's gonna be crazy.
[Applause]
Come here. Come here, you.
- Z... Can I help you? - No, we're being adorable.
Don't fight it. Don't... Don't fight it.
My alignment's off right now. My chakras are unbalanced, okay?
Guys, tonight we got our hands on possibly the most modern,
uplifting representation of our people in the medium.
I'm talking about a Black director.
I'm talking about a Black screenwriter.
I'm talking about a sexy-ass Lupita Nyong'o.
I'm talking about a man whose future and his kingdom
is stripped away from him
by a seemingly unconquerable adversary.
Oh, this is Black superheroes.
So, without further ado, I give you one of my favorite films...
"12 Years A Slave."
- What? - Unh-unh! Unh-unh.
Come on, man!
Different kind of Black superhero.
So, while Aaron's choice in movies
was bumming everyone the hell out,
I was determined to get things with Luca
back to being enviously adorable.
[Whispering] Hey, psst, your favorite.
Pepper Jack.
I'm vegan again. I told you.
No, you didn't.
And, just don't take this the wrong way, but shhh.
[Sighs]
Ugh. This blows all the goats.
- I'll say. - God, I really want to leave.
Uch, me too.
But I can't be the first Black person to walk out of here.
You heard Aaron. He's elevating us.
Yeah, I can't be the first White person to leave.
He's elevating you.
You know what?
I'm not feeling very elevated right now.
I'm done.
Okay.
Okay, dude,
I'm trying to be cool with this whole vegan thing,
but are there any other life changes
you've made without telling me?
No. Nothing.
- At all. Promise. - Okay.
Except that I got into that Textiles class,
so I had to drop that gender studies class or whatever,
but besides that...
The one class we were all gonna take together?
[Chuckles] Yeah, my bad.
Are you for real right now?
What? I'm still gonna see you, like, every day.
But that's not the point.
The point is, he didn't think to tell me,
just like he didn't think to call me
when he got back from Paris.
All this is just starting to feel hella problematic.
[Sighs]
I have an idea.
You're Black, I'm White.
If we leave at the same time, do we cancel each other out?
- That sounds dumb as hell. - Yeah.
Let's do it.
Okay.
I just... I-I-I don't understand
why you have to push your agenda on people all the time.
Like, why?
Why is it your job to elevate people?
Ana, I... I'm the Resident Advisor, okay?
- It's literally my job. - No, it literally isn't.
I'm sorry that I'm not satisfied
with doing the bare minimum, Ana.
I care about my people, you know?
It's not the bare minimum
to not show a movie that causes people PTSD.
Geez, why is everything so political with you?
Because newsflash, Ana: everything is political!
- [People shushing] - Okay?
And if that's how you feel about being here,
why don't you take your basic ass over to Brochella?
You know what?
That's a great idea.
Maybe I will.
Maybe we all will.
- Why would you... - Hey, people of Hawkins.
- Hey! - Are you tired of crying?
And being bummed out over slavery on a Saturday?
Well, Brochella has free booze and Brockhampton,
so who's with me?
- I am! - Where are you going?
People are with me.
It's a classic Oscar-winning film.
Writing, cinematography, pain, anger, happiness...
[Voice breaking] ...freedom. It's all in here!
Once again,
I thought a movie might bring my boyfriend and I closer,
and once again, I found myself
sitting next to a vegan stranger.
♪
- [Camera shutter clicks] - People want to see goals?
How about these goals?
Oh!
- Zoey, what the hell, bruh? - God, I'm so sorry.
What's good with you?
You're being mad extra right now.
- I'm not. - Yeah, you are.
You're sitting over here like you lost your best friend
just 'cause I gave up animal products.
Dude, you're wearing leather shoes still.
Okay, I'm not eating them.
God, it's not even that, Luca.
It's... You didn't even tell me you were gonna drop our class.
Didn't think it was that deep.
But it's not.
It's that you also didn't think to call me when you got back.
You know, people have been saying
that we're a little off, and they're right.
People? W-What people?
My friends.
And why do you care what your friends think?
Because I do.
You know, we were having this conversation
about relationship goals and why we weren't getting them...
Hold up, hold up. Just 'cause we're not getting
some corny hashtag, something's off?
It's not corny to me.
You know, what's so wrong about wanting to be
a strong, powerful couple?
'Cause those couples are aspirational.
They're goals.
Well, they're not goals to me.
[Sighs] It doesn't even matter
'cause this whole vibe is off, anyway.
We're fine. You're bugging right now.
But, dude, we shouldn't be fine.
You know, we should be great.
At this stage, we should be spectacular.
We should be everything goals.
We shouldn't be "fine."
Wow.
[Chuckling] Okay.
Here.
You want your goals?
Here's your damn goals.
[Phone chimes]
[Sighing] Oh, my God.
[Indistinct conversation]
♪
Oh, hey. Sorry.
- Grabbing my purse. - No, no, I'm glad you're still here.
At least someone appreciates my refined cinematic taste.
Sh... Yeah, I guess.
[Clicks tongue]
Come on. I know that look. Talk to me.
What's going on in that aerodynamic head of yours?
Hmm?
I guess I'm just trying to figure out what happened.
Well, Northup was a free man,
then he wasn't, then Lupita needed...
Not with the movie, you insane person.
Terrible choice, by the way.
Like, way to read a room.
I'm talking about with me and Luca.
Mm.
I, uh, sincerely regret starting this conversation.
- Yeah. - Sorry.
No, you're right. It's mad awkward.
No, it's okay. Go ahead.
I am the RA. Let me advise you.
[Clears throat]
Okay, well, I guess,
ever since Luca and I got on campus, we've just been...
blecch.
I'm gonna need you to be a little more specific, please.
Last year, Luca and I were good.
When you guys were just friends.
Yeah, and, you know, this summer,
when we were more than friends, things were really good.
- When he was in Paris. - Mm-hmm.
And now we're together, and we're just blecch.
Okay, so let's run the numbers here.
You guys have been together for three months and three weeks.
Three of those months, you've been apart.
Yeah.
Well, dude, doesn't that make sense, you know?
You guys haven't really had the time to get into your rhythm.
It's gonna take a minute, especially for you.
I've definitely seen you dance, and whew.
Not, uh... Not Black Excellence.
- Wha... [Laughs] - At all.
Wow, shots fired. Okay.
Really coming for me like that.
I'm kidding. Sort of.
[Both chuckle]
Anyway... you know, the thing is, with Luca,
I don't want to take a minute.
Well, what other choice do you have?
I mean, you're gonna push too hard or force it?
Exactly. You know me.
That is my only choice.
Well, an annoying little Cuban birdie once told me
that I have a tendency to push too hard,
and as much as I would never admit this
to her smug little Republican face, she's...
She has a point.
Sometimes, when you push too hard, you push people away.
As you can see.
♪ All night, I been watching you ♪
Aaron's advice made sense.
In trying to get relationship goals with Luca,
I'd pushed him further away than ever.
Weirdly, I'd felt closer to him when he was 6,000 miles away
and we basically lived on Snapchat.
Oh, my God, that's it.
♪ We forever young ♪
♪ The music's loud and I'm feeling wild ♪
♪ Come dance along with the golden child ♪
♪ I don't know much but sure, let me check your fouls ♪
"I'm sorry."
"All good. I'm sorry, too.
Shoulda told you about the class... and being home."
"I don't know why you think we need
that hashtag shit or whatever."
♪ But we could be together forever ♪
"Because what if we're just #LongDistanceRelationshipGoals?"
♪ Forever and ever ♪
LUCA: "I don't even know what that even means."
Something about typing it out brought us back
to the way it was when he was in Paris.
It allowed us to be open in a way we hadn't been able to
since we'd been together in person.
LUCA: "That's okay. I get scared, too."
"But we're figuring it out, and that's okay."
♪ We forever young ♪
ZOEY: "So, if you and I had a hashtag,
what do you think it would be?"
♪ Come dance along with the golden child ♪
♪ I don't know much but sure, let me check your fouls ♪
♪ Two technicals but you beautiful ♪
LUCA: "There wouldn't be one."
♪ And they all bussin' for ya if I made the wrong move ♪
♪ If I break your heart then I'm a dumb dude ♪
"We're just us."
♪ But we could be together forever ♪
♪ We could be together ♪
[Camera shutter clicks]
Forever
♪
[Chuckles]
Hey.
I didn't mean to put that filter on the photo.
How long have you been waiting here?
Got here like a minute ago.
So, perfect timing.
Something like that.
C'mere, grandpa.
♪
You really get scared about us, too?
Deadass. You know.
[Chuckles]
I just really want us to work,
and... it means something real to me.
Like in real life.
Yeah, me, too.
♪
I love you, Zoey.
You know, that's the first time
you've said that to me in person.
You didn't have to make it a whole thing or whatever.
I was going off of...
♪
I love you, too.
Deadass.
[Chuckling]
So, thanks to a little help from Snapchat,
Luca and I were back in sync.
And thanks to streaming technology,
we were watching a movie with happy,
not-enslaved Black people in it.
Don't say anything. Just... Just smile, just smile.
[Laughs]
[Camera shutter clicks]
Can we "Top Shot" it?
Yeah.
That's the one, kid.
Ooh, text it to me, please.
All right.
♪
[Phone chimes]
♪
Jaw drop. [Chuckles]
♪
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com