- ♪ Mastering the paper ♪
- "Trust me, I've been there,"
a saying that works great for directions, restaurant recs,
and, generationally speaking, advice.
What some have experienced allows for future generations
to learn, if they're willing to accept the lesson.
Take Dean Carnegie and Aaron, for example.
They haven't always seen eye to eye,
but they've come a long way.
And Aaron and I have also grown closer.
- Put it right there.
- And now look at us.
He's not even with my sister anymore,
and we're still like family.
- Hey, squatter. - What's up, man?
- Thanks for sending me your half of utilities, by the way.
It's not rent, but it is something.
- Ah, this guy.
- [chuckles]
- Well, if you'll excuse me, this, uh,
History of Black Hair in Media class
is not gonna lecture itself, so...
- Mm. - Catch you guys later.
- I "four C" us hanging out in the future.
- That's fire. - You see it?
- He's good. - He is.
- You see it? [laughs]
Actually, there's someone I want you to meet.
- I'm flattered, Dean Carnegie, but I'm actually spoken for.
- As a potential mentor, not a tenderoni.
- Oh. - Do y'all still say tenderoni?
Never mind.
Anyway, with entrepreneurial studies
being based in independent research,
a connection like this would be a good resource for you
when you graduate. - Yeah.
Could be great to connect with someone
who's climbed the mountain I'm trying to reach the top of.
- And that is Derek Wright, a Cal U alum, a proud Gamma,
and the founder of your major.
He's planning to make a sizable donation to the school.
You'll be the perfect student to show him around.
- I'm just the tenderoni for the job.
[chuckles] Did I use that right?
- No, you did not.
Maybe start with the Gammas, let them do all the talking.
- All right.
To the un-melanated ear, it may have sounded like he dissed me,
but I know that he's saying that he has complete faith
in my ability to get the bag.
both: ♪ Watch out, world ♪
♪ I'm grown now ♪
♪ I'm grown ♪
- ♪ Learn something new every day ♪
♪ I don't know so I'ma feel my way ♪
♪ Got the weight of the world on me ♪
♪ But no regrets ♪
♪ This is what I say ♪
both: ♪ Watch out, world ♪
♪ I'm grown now ♪
♪ I'm grown ♪
- ♪ You can't tell me nothin' ♪
both: ♪ My heartbeat is so loud ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Mama, look, I'm grown now ♪
♪ I'm grown ♪
♪ ♪
- After cleaning the house
like we were covering up a murder,
the Gammas were ready to welcome our brother of honor.
- It is my honor to introduce a five-time
"Business Magazine" Entrepreneur of the Year--
mm, come on, man--
Mr. Derek Wright. - Thank you, brother.
- OK, Mr. Wright's passion is platforming
the voices of today and funding the voices of tomorrow.
Now, when he's not out saving the world
and changing the world through philanthropy,
he is a proud dog dad to two of the cutest Pomeranians
you'd ever seen.
- No one cares about that. - Yeah, no!
You would not believe--
- I'm gonna beg you to stop talking, bro.
- [sighs] OK.
I'm gonna leave you G men to...
- Oh, my God. - G out and...
- My guy. - Let you G-men--
- My guy. - G-G-G-Unit.
- Just won't stop. - Hi, sir.
Um, I'm Andre.
- What's up, Dre? How are you, bro?
- I'm great. I'm Gamma vice president.
This is the Gamma House, as you remember, I hope.
[chuckles] - No, not at all.
Mid at best.
What is--what is this?
Is this, like, inclusion or something?
- Uh, this is No Shirt Nick.
- Government name? - Uh...
- Hi, I'm Derek, No Shirt Nicholas.
- I am uncomfortable.
- Yo, where the bitches at?
This place can't be all dudes, is it?
- Um...
[hip-hop music]
- What you got there?
- Cranberry scones.
- Cranberry scones?
Know what we used to call this place?
The train station 'cause of how much ass
we took down in here.
Now you're sitting up, eating cranberry scones.
You proud of yourself?
- We actually-- we baked these ourselves.
You know, studies show that a home-cooked meal
can actually-- - Did that wire go through?
And that's proof that not all stories
about mixing coke and heroin end up bad.
♪ ♪
- Question, any chance you could, you know,
hook me up with an internship?
- Quicker question, are you a Nigerian scammer,
or do you just have the shoes of a Nigerian scammer?
And that was the last night I saw Rick James alive.
♪ ♪
Mm.
What kind of porn is this?
- It's women's basketball.
- Women's basketball porn?
♪ ♪
- This kind of willful ignorance
is what gave the Gammas a bad name in the first place.
- I'm telling you, if you're rich enough in Dubai,
they'll let you hunt anything.
- Hey, Mr. Wright, we got to go.
We're gonna be late for the theater department's
production of "Roots."
- Ooh, don't want to be late for that.
- Yeah.
So how was your time with the Gammas?
- Fantastic. - Good.
- I leave here inspired, knowing that no matter
how much money you throw at something,
it can't always be saved.
- [laughs] That's so not true.
You're so funny. [laughs]
Funny, funny with all that money, huh?
All right, good luck, guys.
- Melanated ear or not,
"asshole" is the same in every language.
And you guys didn't even hear him play
devil's advocate for R. Kelly.
♪ ♪
- Could you bring these to table six?
Right there. - Got it.
- Oh.
Look at you looking all cute.
How'd I get so lucky to get a gift on your birthday?
Ooh. - Oh, you're so sweet, babe.
- Mm-hmm.
- Give me another compliment after I have a drink.
- And what, the birthday trip was that bad?
- I love my girls, but they can't organize shit.
I just wanted to chill.
- Like Netflix and chill with me?
- Sure.
But mostly in my sweats, blasting Omarion,
stuffing my face with an icebox cake.
- I think it's very cute how much you like Omarion.
- Oh, he's the GOAT. - Mm.
- Now, here's to hoping next year
is what it's supposed to be.
♪ ♪
- Andre! [laughs] - Yo.
- Just the Gamma I was hoping to see.
- Dean Carnegie, how are you? - Yeah. Listen.
You guys made a real impression on Mr. Wright,
so much so, he wants to have the donation ceremony
at the Gamma House.
Yeah, big check and everything.
Oh, yes? - Um...
- Yeah.
- Speaking as Gamma vice president,
I don't know if that's gonna happen.
We worked really hard to get our charter
and reputation back after the great Gamma fires of 2020.
- Yeah, you guys roasted the hell out of that pig.
- I don't know if it's the right time for us
to get in bed with the original Atomic Dog himself.
- Can you elaborate?
- That guy's the worst.
He told us that we should start to pee standing up.
- Really? - Yeah.
He also called our entire generation lazy,
referred to women as the Ferris wheel of bunny tails,
and then said that Herschel Walker made some good points.
We have worked hard to reform our image,
and that guy's like taking a million steps back.
- Listen, I hear you.
And I would never force the Gammas to do something
they are not comfortable with.
OK, Jackson, I'm gonna need you to force the Gammas
to do something they are not comfortable with.
- [sighs]
- OK, so let me clarify.
You want me, a non-Gamma,
to get the Gammas, who are mighty and many,
to do what, now?
- See, Derek Wright is about to drop
the biggest donation on Cal U
that I've ever seen. - Mm-hmm.
- And his only stipulation is that the check dedication
happen at Gamma House.
- I'm sorry. I'm not hearing the problem.
- OK, OK, let me, uh-- let me say this in a way
I think you'll understand.
Ah.
Andre and them [bleep] about to fumble this bag.
- Ah.
- They're bent out of shape because he said
some less-than-PC things about their generation.
- Well, Andre and his frat are pretty reasonable guys, right?
I'm sure their concerns are valid.
- OK, let me be even clearer.
This directly affects you as well.
You see, part of that money would go
to the African American Studies department.
- I mean, we could use a new Smart Board.
- Not to mention the sizable amount
that would go to financial aid in the form of scholarships,
you know, the types of assistance
that half the Gammas rely on.
- Sure, yeah, I will, uh-- I'll see what I can do.
- Great.
- Hello, Douglas.
How are you?
Can I get some wings to go?
- What you need?
- 16-piece, blueberry habanero, all flats.
- God bless your toilet.
- Bro, come on.
Do not wing-shame me, all right?
I'm going through a lot right now.
I got stuck carting around this old head Gamma, Derek Wright.
Apparently, he's donating a lot of money to the school,
but the guy is a clown.
- Back when those Gammas were on campus,
they called themselves the super sick and twisted,
animalistic, and sadistic wolfpack.
Not the type of dudes you want to bring around the lady folk.
- That dude is a nightmare. - Mm.
- But enough about me. What's going on with you?
- Mm, Sloane just got back from her special birthday trip
with her girlfriends, but she came back all upset.
You know, I hate seeing her like that.
I feel like it would be dope if I--
- Don't do it. Please, don't do it.
- Don't do what?
- You know, don't Doug this up, all right?
I know you want to give her the birthday that she deserves,
but remember the last time you did something big?
You blew your entire check on a child's bike.
- OK, well, "Doug it up" hurts.
- All I'm saying is, sometimes less is best.
- All I'm saying is, you got a lot to say
for a dude who's about to spend the night in the bathroom.
Good luck.
♪ ♪
- ♪ I just came to party, party ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ I'm not tryin' to leave with nobody ♪
- [laughs] Miracle Whip is mayonnaise.
- No, queen, it is not.
- Please do not fight him on this.
Douglas will die on that hill, trust me.
- [laughs] - Listen, guys,
speaking of dying on hills,
I need some help, if you will, some counseling.
Dean Carnegie wants me to get the Gammas
to accept a donation from this guy named Derek Wright.
You guys heard of him?
But they don't really [bleep] with this guy.
- It's a tough one, man.
Yes, we are a brotherhood,
but not all Gammas look at life the same.
Derek and Andre are about as different
as Malcolm X and Malcolm Gladwell.
Andre's line has worked too hard to rewrite
our frat's narrative just for a check.
- I will say that donations like this
often trigger more alumni to dig deep in their pockets.
Can you imagine what good this money could do?
- Yeah, I can.
- Yeah, but what kind of message
does that send to Gammas?
Increasing revenue is more important
than them continuing to rehab their reputation on campus?
- That is a good point.
- Aaron knows there's no ethical consumption.
Under capitalism, all money is dirty money.
- That is true.
- Yes, and Aaron also knows what it's like
to be a Cal U student with a strong moral compass
who doesn't need someone in a suit to tell him
what's a good idea.
- Damn.
Compelling points across the board, honestly.
- Mm-hmm.
- But the question still stands.
What do you think I should do?
- No idea.
It sucks to be you.
- I graduated.
- OK, horrible friends.
♪ ♪
Bring enough for the whole table?
- Do I look like Meals on Wheels?
Besides, you know these are my breakfast wings.
- Fair enough, fair enough.
Uh, grab a seat for me, please, if you don't mind.
- Let me guess, Dean Carnegie wants us
to reconsider the generous offer from Mr. Wright.
- I see that Cal U education at work.
It's done you good. - Yeah.
- Now, just think about how much good it could do for--
- I know it's a lot of money, but if it's coming
from Big Brother Shady, we just don't want it.
- Yeah, you know what? I get it.
You had a bad experience.
And by no means do I agree with anything
that, uh, comes out of Mr. Wright's mouth, but--
- As long as the check clears?
[chuckles]
- It's more than the money, Andre, OK?
It's what this donation could do.
Seriously, I mean, Dean Carnegie's
already showed me a stack of applications
for students who could attend Cal U if this goes through.
- And that's not lost on me,
but I just don't speak for all the Gammas.
And until now, I didn't think you were the type of guy
to speak for the whole school.
- I am just a guy who has been where you are,
and I'm just trying to get you to understand,
show you a different perspective, maybe.
And I wouldn't come to you with this if I didn't think
it was absolutely the right thing to do.
- And if we agree to disagree, what?
No more coffee dates with the boss?
- No, no, no.
Uh... [clears throat]
But, you know, you guys did just
get your suspension lifted, and, um,
I'd hate to see you on the faculty's bad side again.
That could mean fines, no more barbecue privileges,
tarnished legacies, things like that,
or--or worse.
- What's that supposed to mean?
- I'm just saying, think about it, please.
And, uh, I think once the smoke clears and you're
able to focus better, you'll see that this money
can do so much good.
It really can, uh, not only for the school but for the Gammas.
And I think you're the person to help
your brothers understand that.
- Maybe the frat can have one more conversation.
Appreciate it.
- Thanks, man.
Good talk.
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
- Good talk.
- [groans] I'm just saying, who are we
to decide who gets a chance at a higher education?
- And I'm just saying,
we've been at this for, like, five hours.
We should have ordered dinner five hours ago.
- All in favor of voting for dinner.
- Yes, man. - Guys, come on.
No, focus.
The only thing that we need to be voting for
is whether or not we're gonna sell our souls
for a photo op, or are we gonna continue
to be the second-tallest frat at Cal U?
- OK, bet, then we'll vote.
- Thank you.
- Who does the voting stuff, anyway?
Oh, I'm supposed to do that? [people groan]
- And do we get stickers?
- OK, guys, here's the plan.
We are gonna vote one more time, all right?
Majority rules. How does that sound?
- All right, all right.
- It's cool. It's cool. Let's do it.
- But for real, who has the voting stuff?
♪ ♪
[sighs]
- It's down to you, General.
- You'll realize how much good this money
can do for the school.
I would hate to see you on the faculty's bad side again.
♪ ♪
- I vote to accept the donation.
♪ ♪
- That's it.
Y'all see it.
♪ ♪
- [sighs]
[hip-hop music]
[camera shutter snaps]
♪ ♪
- Well, it's the big day, and Cal U's
about to receive a big check.
But if it's for the greater good,
why do we all feel so bad?
- [sighs] How long do we have to be camera-ready?
- Who are you?
- Nick.
I know. I don't see me either.
It's like I'm living a lie.
- You and me both, brother.
- Hey, man. - Yo.
- How are you? - 'Sup?
- Look, I wanted to say thank you for reconsidering, OK?
I know it was hard, but it was the right thing
to do, trust me.
- Can we, Professor Sellout?
- Yo, Cole, chill. Aaron's on our side.
- Is he? - Yeah.
- 'Cause if he was, he would tell us
what Derek Wright is up to about now.
- Uh, I think he's about to get ready to start.
- No, no, no, I'm talking about he's about to acquire
The Affirmative Reaction Podcast Network,
also known as home of the future Candace Owens
and the current Candace Owens.
- What? - Oh.
So it seems like good old Derek Wright
is a bigot trying to use us all for clout.
We have to call this whole thing off.
- Look, man, if there was another way,
I would, all right, but the check's already deposited.
- Looks like we're just gonna have to take this loss
and smile for the cameras like good, articulate,
obedient Black men. - Oh, my God.
♪ ♪
- Well, at least we get to keep the frat
while serving the greater good?
- Yeah.
[camera shutters snapping]
♪ ♪
- Hello, everyone.
How's everybody doing?
Thank you for having me.
Thank you to Cal U, and thank you
to the distinguished gentlemen of Gamma Psi Delta.
Hopefully this gift that I have decided personally
to provide will continue to provide
support and help to empower--
- Yes, sir.
Yes, sir, provide support, so much support
that Mr. Wright here has empowered me
to announce his new initiative that he's funding today.
- [bleep] you doing, bro?
- Something for the greater good.
Now, I just want to personally say thank you
for this generous donation that you've given to Cal U
and for agreeing to pledge an additional, sizable,
annual gift directly to the Gamma fraternity,
starting today.
- Yeah!
[light applause]
- Starting today?
Or tomorrow? - Hopefully today.
- The future, I think, is what he's talking about.
You are the future.
AI and such being what it is,
monkeypox, BBLs,
who knows what the future holds?
I'm glad to be a part of it.
Thank you. [applause]
- [chuckles]
- Pretty savvy move.
I respect it.
[applause continues]
- I want to thank you for seeing this through
to the finish line.
The administration will not forget
what you did here today.
- Artists who don't sell their art are not artists.
Art is sold...
- Yeah, neither will I.
♪ ♪
Yo. - 'Sup?
- Hey, I really wanted to say thank you for helping me
pull that off today, man, honestly.
That money is gonna do a lot of good for a lot of students.
Something wrong?
- I'm just having a hard time feeling good
about today, you know?
On the one hand, I saved the Gammas
from being suspended again.
And on the other hand, I completely
abandoned my ethics.
- Yeah.
- I just want to say I really appreciate you
for standing up for us.
- Ah, no need to thank me, man.
[sighs] Sometimes you got to get your hands dirty
for the greater good.
- Yeah. - Sometimes that means
slightly exaggerating your frat's charter situation.
♪ ♪
- Wait, so you lied because your cause
is more important than us standing up
for what we believe in?
You're not a hypocrite at all.
- I didn't lie.
I--I helped you make the best decision.
- [scoffs]
I don't even know who I'm talking to anymore.
Maybe instead of worrying about telling me what to do,
maybe you should find your own moral compass.
- Said like someone who needs their choices made for them.
- Bro, don't talk to me like I'm a little kid.
I don't need to be patronized by someone
who's a couple years older than me.
Oh, and unlike you, I've actually
lived in the real world.
- And now you're back from the real world.
And where are you living at?
My house, rent-free, right?
♪ ♪
- Ah. You know what?
Here's an adult decision for you.
I'm out.
♪ ♪
- You got to be kidding me.
Look, it was a misunderstanding.
♪ ♪
- I'm gonna crash at Annika's for a while.
- OK.
So it's like that, huh?
- It's just like that.
♪ ♪
- I've been waiting upstairs for 20 minutes.
Three barbacks and two waiters already tried to hit on me.
What you been doing?
- I just wanted tonight to be perfect.
[light music]
- Oh, my gosh.
Now, that'd better be real ice cream
and not the vegan kind.
- Trust me, this is real regular ice cream.
And as you can see right here, we have an assortment
of different sweats in a variety of sizes.
I didn't want to be so rude as to guess.
And if you ain't gonna wear 'em, don't pop that tag.
And last but not least.
[Omarion's "Ice Box" playing]
- Oh, my gosh.
Doug, this is-- this is really something.
- Something good or something--
- Something perfect.
- OK, well, if this is perfect, then, uh,
I can tell our guest to go home.
- [gasps]
You got the real Omarion? - [chuckles]
- You not an Omarion impersonator?
- It's me.
Yeah, my lawyer shut down Fauxmarion years ago.
But if y'all see that Nomarion, you tell him, ticktock.
- Doug, this is--
this is amazing.
- Happy birthday, baby.
- ♪ I've got this icebox where my heart used to be ♪
♪ Got this icebox where my heart used to be ♪
♪ I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold ♪