Josh: This place rules.
Like they shoved a mountain in a Home Depot.
Oh yeah, bro. I can't wait to grab some wall.
What do you say, Pearle? Wanna give it a shot?
Hell no!
I didn't survive 30 years on the force
to die climbing a plastic rock.
I'm gonna sit right here
and watch people dangle from they crotches.
Now remember, we gotta make the most of this free trial.
We're gonna climb every wall in the joint and then
never...come...back.
♪♪
[ Australian accent ] Hey, there, team!
I'm Ty.
Just wanted to give you a big fat welcome
before you grab some wall.
[ Clears throat ] I-I-I like...to climb.
Me too, brother. Good luck up there!
I'll be rootin' ya on from up top.
[ Grunting ]
Hoo! Whoo!
O-Okay.
Time to show him I am not just a pretty face.
♪♪
Ugh!
Uh, Randy, doesn't that seem
a little dangerous for a beginner?
How else am I gonna charm a guy in a climbing gym, Emily?
God, listen to yourself.
Hey, Ty!
Huh? Check this out!
[ Grunting ]
Whoops! How did that get untied?
Safety first, guys.
[ Grunting ]
♪♪
Aaaah! [ All gasp ]
Aaaah! Oh!
[ Screams ]
Whaa! Aaaaaah!
Hoo!
[ Grunts ]
Huh? Hold the phone!
Did you just free solo the Verte-Braeker?
Um. Yeah!
I'm kind of an expert, uh, climbist?
I'm the only other person in the gym who's ever done that!
I-I guess that means we have to...
go on a date. Heh!
You just free soloed the hardest section of the gym
just to ask me out?
Uh, pretty much.
I love it! It's a date.
Here's my number. Ooh.
Randy, you freakin' hunk, you still got it.
Aah! [ Crash! ]
♪♪
And like I said, this guy's got a knife, and I'm cornered.
So I just start doing a bunch of karate kicks.
Hyah! Hyah!
Scared him so bad he dropped the knife
and ran straight into a bush.
Oh, my God. Hero!
Also I had no idea possums could hold knives.
Uh, yeah, they can hold pretty much anything.
Being a building manager sounds terrifying.
And I attempted Akira!
Shyeah! Tetsuoooo!
No, Akira -- the climbing route.
In France. Oh. That Akira. In France. Oh. That Akira.
Yeah, uh, I did that one.
You finished Akira?
It's one of the hardest climbs in the world!
I...knew that?
Whoa, baby! Let's eat!
Oh, um, we didn't order this.
I did! [ Slurping ]
[ Mouth full ] Grab a spoon!
If we finish in under 30 minutes it's free.
Aah! What are we even doing?!
I haven't had lactose in six years.
YOLO!
Ohhh, yeah.
Love the feeling of a giant, free
frozen brick in your stomach.
Normally I'd say doing an eating challenge
on a first date was a little unhinged,
but you're just so genuine.
Ah, it's all part of my ethos.
Gotta live that chillsplosion life.
Chillsplosion?
Yeah. You take things easy, relaxed,
then do something crazy, then go back to chillin'.
[ Chuckles ] You are absolute chaos!
[ Grunting ]
Um, what are you doing?
Chillsploding! Climb on up!
You're a climber, right?
Oh, uh, I don't know. Like I always say,
"Never climb anything with a tum full of cream."
Nah, you got this.
Here, take my hand.
[ Chuckles nervously ]
Oh!
Mm. Ah!
Ah! I did it! [ Laughs ]
Um, just like I always do!
Oh, wow. Look at that.
[ Birds chirping ]
If you think this is good, you should see the view
from on top of the Eagle Rock.
What are you doing next Saturday?
Uh, that's usually crochet day with my mom,
but Lord knows she's canceled on me enough.
Well, then, you and I are gonna free solo
Eagle Rock and look out at the perfect sunset.
You're gonna love it.
[ Grunts ]
Um, could you call the fire department?
Randy: He's just incredible.
Game for anything, positive.
A frickin' hunk?
[ Sighs ] So shallow, Emily.
I'm not in it for the looks,
but, yes, he is a slab of chiseled beef,
in the spirit and in the body.
Sounds like things are off to a great start.
It's the first time in forever
I've felt an actual connection with someone.
I don't want to screw it up,
which is why I can never tell him
I'm not an expert rock climber.
Randy, you have to come clean!
Lies are the number-two thing that ruin a relationship!
What's number one?
The 405.
Look, it's not a big deal.
I mean, Bridgette and Alex lie to each other all the time
and they're still married.
No, we aren't! Oh, no!
You two were so good together.
That's why you need to tell Ty the truth.
Stop trying to trap me!
It's not like I'm gonna have to keep lying.
We're just gonna free solo a little mountain together,
and then I'm sure we'll never do it again.
Ugh, okay, fine!
I'll stop lying...
by getting so good at climbing
that everything I said isn't a lie anymore.
Happy now?!
[ All sigh and grumble ]
Margo: So you must be Randy.
What inspired you to get into climbing?
Oh, I told a guy I'm dating I'm an expert climber,
and I don't want him to know I lied.
That's like 90% of our business, girl.
We'll get you whipped into shape in no time.
[ Inspiring music playing ]
Ugh!
[ Grunting ]
Aaaah!
[ Grunts ]
Aaah! Ooh.
Aah!
Wha-at! Aaah!
Whoa! Ow.
[ Growling ]
Honestly, Miss Randy,
you're the worst climber I've ever seen.
I'm surprised you can get into bed.
Look, if you value your life, you shouldn't go anywhere
near a steep curb, much less a cliff face.
But I have to impress this guy or he'll never be my boyfriend!
Then tell him the truth.
Now, sashay away.
Uh, what?
Get the hell outta here!
Psst. Hey. Buddy.
Couldn't help but overhear you're havin' a little trouble
in the mountaineering department.
Maybe I can interest you in some, uh, safety measures?
What is this?
Inflatable crash pad.
You fall, simply press the red button, and poof.
Surrounds you in a protective shell.
Guaranteed not to kill you, or your money back.
Money back. And this really works?
You tell me.
If it's printed on the box, it's got to be true.
I'll take it! Thanks, shadowy figure!
Psst. Hey.
You need an immersion blender?
Randy, please don't do this.
Yeah, can't you just tell Ty that you're sick or something?
Oh, so now it's okay to lie?
Wow, Bridgette. You sound like Emily.
Randy, I know I always told you to follow your heart,
but now I realize that was stupid.
Get your ass inside before you die.
Mom, come on, it's fine! I've got it taken care of!
[ Tires screech ] Hey, Randy!
Ready to climb the sheerest cliff face in Los Angeles?
You bet I am! Huh!
Mwah!
Goodbye, Randy's beautiful friends and family!
And not for the last time, either!
[ Tires screech ] Yeah!
Whoo!
♪ Duh-duh-duh duh-nuh duh ♪
Uh, whaaaaaaaa...
Prepare for the most romantic evening
of your entire life.
Uh, you know me -- always prepared.
Then let's go!
Chillsplosion!
[ Grunting ]
Okay. No big deal.
Lust got you to the top of the first thing you climbed.
It can do it again.
[ Wind whistling ] [ Grunting ]
[ Harp music plays ]
Sorry if this one's a little easy for you.
Uh, whoo!
Don't worry about it.
Feels good to really dominate an -- oh, shit!
Aaaaaah!
Go, go!
Stupid cheap last resort!
Aaaaaah!
Aaah! Oh!
[ Grunting and screaming ]
Randy!
Aaaaah!
Ah! Ugh!
Oh, God, I should've listened to my [gasps] mom!
[ Cellphone ringing ]
Randy, please tell me you're alive.
Ty and I -- ahh! Gah! [ Bird screeches ] Ty and I -- ahh! Gah! [ Bird screeches ]
Aaaaaah!
[ Crunching ]
[ Babies peeping ]
What?
Ty! Since we're doomed, I have to say...
I have no idea how to climb!
[ Straining ] Yeah, I kinda noticed that.
I didn't want to lie to you.
I even went to another climbing gym to try to learn.
Randy, you didn't need to prove anything to me as a climber.
I was attracted to your weirdo confidence.
Plus, I rarely date other climbers.
They're too clingy.
[ Laughs ] Okay, see, that --
that's just funny.
Aaah! [ Groans ]
Just let me go, Ty!
Save yourself!
Love another!
No! We're gonna get through this.
[ Helicopter blades whirring ]
Hold on, baby. Mama's comin'!
Your mom owns a helicopter?
It's just a loaner.
Aw, yeah, Ma! Whoo-hoo!
Randy, don't...!
Whoo! Whoo!
Oh. Whoops.
Aaaaaaah!
Ah! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
Ooh, gah, gah!
Ooh. Aaaaah! Oof! Aah!
Ahhh. Wahhh!
[ Car alarm blaring ]
[ Weakly ] I'm okay.
[ Siren chirps ] Randy: Ty, I'm so sorry.
Can we start over?
Randy, I'd love to. You're a great guy.
Unfortunately, you went to another climbing gym,
and that's just more than I can emotionally handle right now.
Heh, heh, left, right, left. [ Grunting ]
I hate to see him go,
but I love to watch him leave.
♪♪
Alex: Ugh.
Ugggh!
Ah! I must've scratched the DVD when I used it as a coaster.
Okay. The serve.
This is the opening line in the love letter
that is your volleyball game.
[ Coughs ]
Hit it hard and straight to keep your aim true.
♪♪
Ah-gahhhhh!
[ Distorted grunting ]
It is good to be the dean. Oh!
Ooh! [ Sucks teeth ]
Okay, your turn.
Uh, uh, Goose, you're up.
My name is Helen.
I've had enough of your excuses, Goose!
Come on, guys, let's check out
that new fro-yo stand in the quad.
Oh, well, don't come crying to me
when you're in a dog fight with a Russian MiG.
Dean Stapleton: When I said you could coach PE this summer,
I didn't think you would base it on "Top Gun."
Please call me Jester.
You have one hell of a serve, pal,
but two of our elderly students
need hip replacement replacements.
I'm sorry, Alex. You're out.
Please, Dean Stapleton,
money is very tight for me right now.
I need this job. Nah.
I'll see you in the fall
for whatever Viking bullshit you teach.
Uh, it's actually "Intro to Deciphering Runes and..."
You're right. It's Viking bullshit.
♪♪
If I can't keep a job as a community college
PE coach, what can I do?
Alex, you'll find something.
You could always deliver newspapers.
Or pick up trash.
Or...start a podcast.
Um, I have a podcast, guys.
"Comedy Dorp Dorp"?
I'm on episode 177!
Are you guys not listening?
Oh, right. Loved that one about the thing. Oh, right. Loved that one about the thing.
Forget it. Like every other college professor,
I'm incapable of being anything other than a college professor.
Wait. Plugger-Inners is always looking for temp employees.
Really? Yeah!
I'll call my boss right now.
Ezra, it's Josh!
Mm-hmm, yeah, he is.
I promise.
Okay, sounds good. We'll see you tomorrow.
What just happened?
Ezra assumed I wanted to help get someone a job
since I've never, ever called him,
so he said, "He'd better be good!"
Then I said, "He is. I promise!"
And he kept going on, so I cut him off with,
"Okay, sounds good. We'll see you tomorrow."
You shouldn't interrupt your boss.
We have a family and responsib--
New lunch buddy alert!
Yeah! Ha-ha!
Guys! Say hi to Alex.
Josh? Is this the Alex who still uses a flip phone?
The friend who you said,
"knows everything about everything except technology"?
How'd you get him past Ezra?
[ Chuckles ] I may have told Ezra that Alex
got his doctorate from M.I.T. in TV installation.
[ Snorts and laughs ]
Okay, I just hope Ezra doesn't find out.
You know what he does to people who lie to him.
♪♪
[ Gulps ] Well...
we'll just have to keep it from Ezra.
Randy: [ Laughs ] Wow!
When did TVs get so flat?
♪♪
[ All screaming ]
♪♪
[ Grunting ]
♪♪
[ All groaning ]
All: Aaah!
Good day in the field, boys?
Ezra! I-I-I didn't see you there.
Josh, it says here that you and your little friend Alex
successfully hooked a customer's dog up to Wi-Fi?
Great work.
Really?
No! They filed a complaint!
And so did the dog.
He sent a tweet.
When Josh asked me to hire you,
he gave me very distinct "Mm-hmm,"
which led me to believe you were qualified for this job.
Alex just had an off day.
But he's a pro, don't worry.
I've got my eye on you.
All of you!
Mm! Mm!
Oh, boy. You guys gotta help me.
I can't lose this job.
I already live in a closet, and that's with a paycheck.
I don't know, man.
I'm just trying to keep my own job.
We all needed help when we first started.
Anders, remember when you didn't know the difference
between shielding cables and foil cables?
H-How could I forget?
Or Dante, when you downloaded all that porn
using a client's Wi-Fi?
We said it belonged to all of us.
I can never watch porn without thinking of you guys.
All of us are gonna help Alex,
and we're going to do it using these.
We can log our house calls under his employee number.
Do I get one?
Yep.
Aww.
Let's roll.
♪♪
-Yes! -Man, we nailed it!
-Total! -Yeah, man!
All: Aaah!
You got some interesting reviews today, boys.
[ All gulp ]
How did Alex install a car stereo in Anaheim
at the exact same time
he was wiring a security system in Palmdale?
I got really lucky with traffic.
And it says here that you pimped three rides in an hour.
That's statistically unpimpable.
[ Laughs ] I told you, he's the best.
Mmmmmmm.
Okay!
I think I've finally found my new team leader.
Congrats, Alex.
You're promoted.
Oh. Oh, um...
Ezra: It's perfect timing.
We could really use a man with your expertise
since we just landed a huge job.
What huge job?
The City of Los Angeles wants us to install
a massive billboard on Sunset Boulevard.
It's going to play a video reminding drivers
to keep their eyes on the road.
That's not a big job. That's epic!
Good thing we have Alex, the guy so great at his job
none of you will shut up about it.
Can't wait to finally watch this guy in action
with my own judgmental, vindictive eyes.
[ All gulp ]
Good. Lock it in.
♪♪
I don't know if this is gonna work.
It's gonna work.
We gave Alex those A.R. goggles, remember?
Alex?
You've got this.
[ Beeping ]
By the way, I definitely didn't tamper with those.
Josh! You sure he knows what he's doing?
Josh: Alex knows what he's doing.
A total pro. [ Laughs awkwardly ]
Okay, Alex, wrench your nuts till they're tight as hell.
Start at the top and work your way down.
[ Grunting ]
[ Laughs ]
Come on. Agh!
Mm.
[ Tools whirring ]
♪♪
We did it!
-Big screen, baby! -Whoo!
Guys, we're going to the Cheesecake Factory!
-Alright! Yeah! -Whoo!
What is that place?
[ All screaming ]
Why would they make that button?
[ All screaming ]
♪♪
[ Car alarm blaring ]
Guys! What do I do?!
Alex! All you gotta do is hit the left cable winch button!
Oh, God! How am I gonna do that?!
Just hit the up arrow!
Just hit the up arrow?
[ Beeping ]
Uh, uh, think, Alex.
[ Beeping ]
Hey! Agh!
Come on, Alex, use your head.
Ah!
Ah-gahhhhh!
[ Distorted grunting ]
Oh!
Huh.
[ Distorted voice ] I'll see you in the fall
for whatever Viking bullshit you teach.
Aaaah!
[ Breathing heavily ]
♪♪
You can do it! We believe in you, Alex!
[ Grunting ]
Hahhh!
-[ Gasps ] -[ Gasps ]
-Whoa! -Oh.
Ah-gahhhhh!
♪♪
-Whoa! -Oh, yeah!
-Ah! -We're good.
Whoo!
Thank you again, Maverick.
Ugh!
Oooh.
Wowie zowie!
You guys make installing a TV look like a Tom Cruise movie.
Because we do our own stunts?
No, because it's "Risky Business."
[ Alex groans ] And you -- you were incredible. [ Alex groans ] And you -- you were incredible.
Hell, after a stunt like that, you should be my boss.
Uh, I can't.
See, the fall semester is starting back up,
and that's where I really belong.
We all have to be the fighter pilots of our own blue skies,
and for me, that's teaching Viking mythology
to a group of students who are only in it
for an easy two credits.
Give the money to these guys.
They're the real heroes.
♪♪
Nobody is getting a raise.
♪♪