♪♪
You just got Alfredo'd!
♪♪
Oh, gnocchi I di-in't!
♪♪
Got some lasagna on ya!
Announcer: Mamma Mia'd!
[ Laughs ]
Three views?
Ugh!
But #mammamiad is the biggest trend of all time!
Maybe I'm not using enough pasta.
Yeah, I don't think that's the problem.
♪♪
Single digit views after an entire day of...
carbs.
Next time, can you not exploit my 5-year-old for content?
Does the Internet like me yet, mom?
Yes, honey. You're a star.
She's lying. The Internet is a vicious place.
One moment they love you,
the next, you're fighting for a like
from a Twitter egg from Albania.
Okay, Candice, time to go.
This is why we limit your screen time.
I'm gonna go play outside.
Don't blame me. Blame this new app, WimWam.
I have no idea what this algorithm wants from me.
I bet I'd already be viral if Gr8vine were still around.
Isn't that the app that damaged everyone's long-term memory?
I don't remember that.
I was huge on Gr8vine.
Back in high school, one of my vids went mega-viral.
Yes, we know all about the --
It was a day like any other.
♪♪
You recording, sis?
♪♪
Yolo, bitches!
2014 for life!
When Gr8vine got axed, so did my video.
I bet, if I posted that to WimWam, it'd go crazy.
That's it!
I'll recreate my viral video!
We're going to Santa Monica!
Seriously?
Do you know how much of a hassle it is to get over there?
Would you rather live your life in fear of getting puttanesca'd?
Fine, we'll go.
You think you're gonna be able to find parking?
Parking on a sunny Sunday afternoon at the beach?
Nothing could be easier.
Josh: When you say it like that, it sounds hard.
Bridgette: The promenade.
I practically ran this place in high school.
Bridgette's back, baby!
Just like the good old days.
Ow!
Can you try self-awareness?
Whoa. You just got in the way of my getting-in-the-way video.
What? You bumped into us.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You don't know who we are, do you?
♪♪
Wait, who are you?
You just posed a bunch without saying anything.
You're those kids who live in a mansion,
and go viral on WimWam all day.
I've seen your videos!
Pssh. Who hasn't?
Uh, well...
I also know a thing or two about going viral.
Not to brag, but back on Gr8vine,
I did a headstand on the pier Ferris wheel.
Could've died. Got a million views.
[ Laughter ]
Great...Vine?
Am I supposed to know what that is?
Probably before we were born.
-Probably. -Quick update.
Our last video got majorly wrecked
by this sad, bored woman.
If anyone follows her,
do yourself a favor, and unfollow.
No. No.
No!
Oh!
Who do those kids think they are?
Can we just leave?
No, Em.
If we leave, they win.
We're gonna go to that Ferris wheel,
and we're gonna show those bitches what's cool.
Yeah!
Like a baggy sweater and a half a melatonin gummy
on a Friday night.
Okay, I'll show them what's cool.
Josh: Lotta cars.
Alex: Aha! See?
A space is opening up as we speak.
[ Horn blares ]
I'm doing my taxes, dickweed!
[ Both yell ]
I'm gonna deduct your head from your body!
Didn't we get rid of you already?
-Out of our way. -What?
Gonna do your little headstand again?
You know what?
Maybe I'll do the headstand, and then get,
I don't know, a billion views.
Then, anything you post will just look like
you ripped off my trend.
[ Gasps ] You wouldn't dare.
Please. I'm a living meme.
My whole life is a dare.
♪♪
Bridgette, just let her have it.
You could get killed.
No. Don't you understand?
This is my last chance.
If she steals it, that's it for me!
I'll never go viral.
Which means I'm basically dead --
or worse, old.
Are you gonna help me or not?
[ Sighs ]
♪♪
[ Groans ]
Get my good side -- even if it kills you.
♪♪
You okay, there, Bridge?
I, uh, just might need a minute?
[ Laughter ]
What's wrong, Boomer?
Hurt your back?
You don't have to do this!
It's just an app.
It's not!
It's proof that I can still be cool!
You can't be cool if you're dead!
I don't know what I was thinking.
I just felt so out of it.
WimWam made me feel old, and those cool teens --
how are they so young but so cool?
It's all an act.
They're just hopped up on mood stabilizers and Adderall.
Um, actually, I take Vyvanse now, you old hag!
[ Groans ] Forget about them.
You don't have to do this.
♪♪
Man: Hey!
Hey! Stop that!
♪♪
Oh, shit.
It happened again.
♪♪
Get off your asses, and film!
This is WimWam gold!
[ Screaming ]
Get me off this thing!
My mom was right -- I am gonna die young and hot.
♪♪
Boom!
The king of parking strikes again.
And only a 13-mile walk, mostly downhill?
You're welcome.
[ Hisses ]
[ Both yell ]
We found a spot!
That's nice, sweetie.
[ Screaming ]
We gotta go after them.
But the spot, man! The spot!
♪♪
Jump! It's the only way!
♪♪
New plan, I'm gonna --
[ Gasps ]
♪♪
we're slowing down.
Oh. That's good, right?
Actually, this is much worse!
Everyone okay?
[ Screaming ]
That looks so unsafe.
Really?!
I might not be relevant, but I can save someone who is.
No, no, no. Not the takeaway!
Stay calm, Rikki. I'm coming.
Hurry!
[ Screams ]
Oh, God.
♪♪
Got you!
[ Applause ]
-Mom! -Emily!
Uh...
we're good.
♪♪
Thank you for saving my life.
Well, I couldn't let you die.
It would've made you cooler,
and you're, like, way too cool already.
You know, I lied earlier about not knowing Gr8vine
or your video.
I actually saw it back when I was a baby --
Don't need that detail.
I was, like, barely out of the womb,
but your video is what inspired me
to get into WimWam in the first place.
Before you, I didn't know that girls could go viral.
Oh, my God. I'm like a pioneering woman?
Aww, you posted me.
I'm so happy I saved your life.
After all this, I'm kinda happy to fade into irrelevance.
No worries. We'll be out here for you, keeping it relevant.
Yo!
And behind me are the Ferris Wheel Grandmas, in the flesh!
Uh, excuse me.
If you want to collab on WimWam, you need to go through my agent.
What the hell is WimWam?
We're on BlibBlab, Grandma!
♪♪
Screw WimWam. We need BlibBlab.
[ Indistinct talking ]
I'm exhausted, and I think I broke my leg.
Hope you didn't park too far.
I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.
Whoa! What!? No, no, no, no.
What are you doing?!
[ Groans ]
Come on!
Well, this is the worst thing that's happened all day.
Alex: What the hell?
Who put this here?
Oh, yeah. I realized I'm not a big spin-class person.
Can you take that out to the curb for me?
Uh, no. What if I was super busy?
I could be going to give an important lecture, Bridgette --
or, more likely, a hot date.
I don't think that's true.
[ Sighs ]
[ Grunting ]
Hey, there, you absolute king!
What?
Need a little confidence boost?
Okay, now this is interesting.
You're gorgeous! You're potent!
Now smash those pedals, and get ready to kill that hill!
I...can...do...anything!
Crushed it.
♪♪
Trainer: Find your power, and pump!
Pump!
You're not finished until I say you are!
What kind of freak rides a bike in a jacket?
[ Trainer moaning ]
Oh, God, yes!
Yes, Ranessa!
Um, should I be listening to this?
Probably best to play it safe.
And that's time, gods and goddesses.
And congrats to Alex Dorpenberger
for topping the leaderboard again today.
Got my eye on you, Alex.
[ Laughs ]
Morning, kings and queens.
Hope you're living your power today.
Hey, man. Want some pancakes?
Oh, no thanks. I don't consume poison, Josh.
Do you think you're maybe going a little overboard
with this whole HotBike thing?
I mean, what's next, a HotBike tattoo?
Why would I get another HotBike tattoo?
[ All gasp ]
Okay, can we not do the thing
where I get really into something,
and then you all get worried I'm "going crazy," or whatever?
I'm not doing all this because I'm obsessed with HotBike.
I'm doing it because I'm in love with my instructor.
Sure. Okay. Sure. Okay.
Is that better?
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I've got my first private sesh with Ranessa,
and I need to shave my arm hair.
Ranessa: That's right, Alex!
Do it! Do it!
I'm doing it!
Keep going! I'm so close!
Me, too! I -- Wait, what are we talking about?
And done.
Let it coast, you freakin' rock star.
Wow.
That was incredible.
You're incredible.
Top of every class for the past two weeks,
glistening aerodynamic forearms.
Oh, these old things?
Guess I'm just naturally hairless.
Alex, I think have what it takes to become an instructor.
Oh, wow!
Does that mean I get to meet you --
um, which'll be, like, cool I guess.
Well, you can stop by HotBike HQ,
and we can see how it goes.
Wink.
Yes, Alex, you absolute stud!
Alex, you only turned off the camera.
Uh...
Computerized Voice: Welcome to HotBike.
We do not validate parking.
Alex?
[ Gasps ]
What the...?
Guys, I think you're gonna want to see this.
[ All gasp ]
Oh. Hey, guys.
You're on TV! So sweet.
No, Josh. He looks horrible.
No way. I'm living that HotBike life.
That's it. We're coming to get you.
No. I'm fine.
I've almost earned a meeting with Ranessa.
Plus, you'd never get past the guards.
Um, Why does HotBike have guards?
Sorry -- can't talk -- gotta...teach.
Okay, I'm starting to think
something at HotBike is a little off.
Woman: Watch your backs, now.
I'll be right here, with my eyes on the perimeter.
♪♪
Okay, you're a bike company. Relax.
[ All gasp ]
Computerized Voice: Keep pedaling, gods and goddesses.
Pain is progress.
Progress is pain.
You are crushing it.
Oh, man.
He looks like he skipped everything but leg day.
Huh?
What the hell are you guys doing here?
We're here to rescue you from this cult.
HotBike is not a cult. It's a way of life.
You're literally just reading that sign.
No, I'm not. I think my own thoughts, Josh.
Look, I love it here.
I'm a friggin 10 now,
and I'm only one level away from meeting
the woman of my -- -Grab him!
Pop the clips! Pop the clips!
Computerized Voice: Intruder.
Queen Ranessa is most pleased with your bravery, Alex.
She will see you now.
You mean...
I finally get to meet her?
Oh!
Oh, no, I haven't brushed my teeth in over a month.
Hello, Alex.
We meet at last.
Ranessa!
You don't know how long I've waited for this --
oh, whoa, what the...?
I'm so excited to finally share my true form with you, Alex.
You friggin crushed capturing your friends.
Total king shit.
You know, I'll admit the whole tentacle reveal
was kinda shocking,
but, in anime terms, this is pretty hot.
Alex's human friends.
Maximum props today, guys.
Seriously, top tier effort.
But Alex is gonna be staying with us
until our starship returns home.
Okay, tentacles and a starship?
Pick a lane.
[ All gasp ]
Centuries ago, my species crash-landed on the barren,
lifeless planes you call "Pacoima."
And without fuel to propel our ship,
we were totally stranded.
Life was decidedly not awesomesauce.
Until we discovered humanity.
One thing was obvious --
if we wanted off this rock, we needed to harness
the untapped power of the human glute.
Our first attempts to woo humankind were fruitless.
[ Screaming ]
But that was easily remedied.
[ All talking ]
Cut to the invention of the Internet,
some other stuff, yada yada yada, you got it.
Hold on, you glossed over a bunch of stuff right there.
The details are not important.
Well, then, why do you need Alex?
Oh, well, Alex is one of our top meat engine--
I mean bike hunks.
I've selected Alex to be my -- what do you humans call it --
oh, yeah, "sex friend."
Holy shit! Oh, hell yeah, baby!
We are go...
You know, that is to say, I'm deeply honored.
Alex! She's a friggin octopus!
Wow. Intolerant much?
Guards, turn these twig legs into protein gel.
Whoa, whoa. Ranessa, they're my best friends.
Maybe, instead of killing them, we can just call them an Uber?
Not unless they've got Ubers in space.
♪♪
Eyes on the perimeter.
♪♪
Ok, now I really think something is off about HotBike.
Alex, come on! Let's get out of here!
What? Why?
So I can go back to living the rest of my life
single and miserable?
Ranessa may be a tentacle monster, Josh,
but she's my tentacle monster.
Come on, Alex.
There are plenty of amazing human women
who would be lucky to have you.
You really mean that?
I -- I really do.
Alex, don't forget about the fact
that you and I are totally going to mate.
Do go on.
My egg has been gestating for centuries.
I cannot wait to shove it up into your spinal column.
Then, I'll watch as my hatchlings
devour you from the inside out --
you know, classic sex.
[ Laughs nervously ]
See, usually, sex for humans
doesn't involve one of the parties dying.
Oh, really? Weird.
Well, in that case, I'm sure I can find a way
to keep you alive.
Look, I'm sorry guys, but this is where I belong.
Psych!
I can handle being devoured.
I'm into weird shit.
But killing my friends?
That's gonna be a "no" from me, dawg!
♪♪
[ Gasps ]
♪♪
Sick legs, bro.
Follow me if you want to live.
♪♪
Hey! This is a cult,
and we're all just fuel for an alien spaceship!
Oh, God! I knew it!
♪♪
[ Alarm blaring ]
♪♪
[ Blaring continues ]
Okay, I am most definitely not in the zone right now.
Wow.
Thanks for everything back there, guys.
That's the last alien space cult I ever join.
[ Laughs ]
I think we're about to land in Australia.
♪♪