This next song is about all the ways...
men rock!
♪
♪ You let me handle the chores ♪
♪ Your ponytail looks like Thor's ♪
♪ You're not held back by emotion ♪
♪ You deserve a promotion ♪
♪ Men rock! ♪
♪ Love how you mansplain when I try to talk ♪
[ Cheering ]
♪ You got so much style ♪
♪ When you tell us we need to smile ♪
♪ Or that we shouldn't drive or vote ♪
♪ Because we don't have a scrote! ♪
When we say "men," you say "rock"!
Men!
Bridgette, you're so hot!
[ Sighs ] At least we have Ron.
♪
[ Groans ] That was so embarrassing.
C'mon, we had four people there!
Last month was two.
Our fanbase doubled.
I'm just saying, maybe there's something more worthwhile
we could do the third Wednesday of every month.
Do you not believe in us anymore?
I don't think we're ever going to be successful.
[ Gasps ]
Guys, you're never gonna believe what I saw online!
Wait. We're... popular?
I can't read any of the comments.
♪ ...back by emotion ♪
♪ You deserve a promotion ♪
[ Cromanian accent ] Emily and Bridgette! I'm Mirek.
Minister of arts for splendid nation of Cromania.
And huuuge big fan of your bops!
Every song so good!
Is my pleasure to invite amazing music stars
to visit our country.
You will fly on private jet, is so sick,
and perform for brave, strong President Agoustan!
Anyway, hit me ups!
[ Squeals ] This is so cool!
Don't you think this seems sketchy?
A stranger from the Internet offering to fly us
Somewhere On a private jet?
I get five of those in my DMs every day.
C'mon, Emily.
This is our shot.
Please, please, please, please.
Fine. But if we get murdered, I'm quitting the band.
♪
[ Cheering ]
Are they... fans of this plane?
They're here for you!
Crowd: Em-i-ly!
Bri-duh-jit!
Em-i-ly!
Bri-duh-jit!
Ahhh. This feels right.
Bridgette and Emily.
It's me, Mirek!
From Cool Video?
Kiss on cheek, kiss on cheek, best friends.
Welcome to Cromania.
Very fun, very safe.
[ Chuckles nervously ]
Don't worry, they're loaded.
Come, we have full schedule of events.
Then you meet President Agoustan.
Wonderful man, perfect penis, let's ride in sweet limo!
- Ooooh. - Aaah.
- Wow. - Okaaaay.
Welcome to Presidential Palace.
Sooo many tax dollars.
You sleep here in finest suite, no one even watch.
Sketchy.
No, he said they don't watch.
[ Groans ] Is there a bathroom in here?
Beautiful bathrooms, no one watching.
But way on other side of palace.
You make later.
- I gotta make now. - You guys go.
I'll hang back with Candice and we'll catch up.
We go now. Have a good shit!
♪
Do you really need to pee?
Or are you just anxious about mom becoming a celebrity
because it makes you feel like less of a man?
What?
[ Guitars playing ]
♪ So you were in a public bathroom without any shoes ♪
♪ Then you played basketball against green kangaroos ♪
♪ You showed up late for class ♪
♪ You couldn't find your nose ♪
♪ You had a chat with Jose Canseco ♪
♪ About UFOs ♪
♪ Don't tell me about your stupid dreams ♪
♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
Thank you so much.
What an honor to meet beautiful Emily!
Oh! Thank you!
And Bridgette, the funny one.
Wait, what? I'm the hot one.
Ha ha! Classic Bridgette!
What is happening?
Emily, you are such role model for women of Cromania.
Right, Svetmoosha?
Permission to agree?
Oh, my gosh. You guys are such sweeties.
Okay, Em, you were right, this is sketchy.
It's fine.
They love us, they get us, they're giving us fish.
[ Shudders ]
Thank you? No, to sign. [ Laughs ]
Come on, Bridgette.
It's her first fish.
I mean, obviously we want mom to succeed,
but it's normal if her success makes you feel inadequate.
Dad! Bathroom!
I'm at defcon pee. You're right.
Let's focus on what's important,
not on the idea that we'll lose her forever.
[ Gasps ]
Okay, they'll know where the bathroom is.
♪
[ Chuckles ] This looks promising.
Almost time for big concert.
I am legit freaking out!
But first we go to Croval office
to meet indestructible leader Agoustan,
powerful hairline, breath like Jasmine.
Emily, I have a very bad feeling about this country.
Something's going on here. Yeah.
Something is going on here... you're jealous.
You can't handle that I'm the hot one.
That is absolutely part of it!
But not all of it.
[ Gasps ]
♪
Absolute Unit Agoustan, it is my pleasure to present
Emily and Bridgette.
Ah, welcome to my glorious homeland.
Oh. Okay, okay.
[ Sniffs deeply ]
[ Both grunting ]
Entire nation awaits your performance.
We broadcast live on every channel.
All two!
Your music so inspirational.
See, Bridgette? We're inspirational.
Mirek will project patriotic slideshow behind performance.
♪
♪ You let me handle the chores ♪
♪ Your ponytail looks like Thor's ♪
[ Laughs ]
If Emily's like Katy Perry,
then I guess I'm like Orlando bloom.
Oh, yes, yes, yes!
Candice, wait!
[ Moans ]
[ Screams ]
Oh, were you guys in line?
♪ Or that we shouldn't drive or vote ♪
♪ Because we don't have a scrote ♪
We base whole society on your music.
Your song "Stupid Dreams" teach population
to stop dreaming of better life.
Sketchy yet?
We are way beyond sketchy.
And what's going on here?
Emily is most perfect role model.
She has child, dresses conservatively,
and hides hair under modest wig.
[ Gasps ] Em, did you hear that?
About the wig? How your hair looks fake?
Okay, we should get out of here.
Showtime!
Ready to impose your catchy bops on subservient masses?
Ooooh, so sorry, but I think we gotta postpone.
I'm feeling a little [coughs] raspy?
And I've got diarrhea!
That sounds serious.
But show must go on.
[ Guns cock ]
Do you really have diarrhea?
Because I have something for it in my bag.
[ Cheers and applause ]
We can't do this.
If we perform, we'll reinforce their evil system.
I'm sorry I got carried away by the fame and hotness
and didn't notice the oppression and misogyny.
People of Cromania, and women!
Amazing music stars Emily and Bridgette
will perform national anthem, "Men Rock"!
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪ You let me handle the chores ♪
♪ Your ponytail looks like Thor's ♪
[ Sighs ] We can't keep singing this.
♪
Then let's sing something else.
♪ But here's the real message that we have for you ♪
♪ Women can do anything that men can do ♪
[ Groans ] ♪ Don't be silent ♪
♪ Use your voice ♪
♪ You can stay at home ♪
♪ But it should be your choice ♪
♪ Women rock! ♪
♪ They're so awesome! ♪
♪ Girls who code! ♪
♪ Beyoncé! Blossom! ♪
♪ Women rock! ♪
♪ When we say "women," you say "rock"! ♪
♪ Women! ♪ ♪ Rock! ♪
♪ Women! ♪ Seize them!
♪
Emily! We gotta get out of here!
This country hates women!
We noticed.
[ Guns cock ]
♪
We found these women in an underground jail.
They were arrested for not laughing
at their husbands's jokes!
♪
[ Both gasps, guns cock ]
Mirek, don't!
[ Gunshot ]
Guys, your new song!
Incredible. Women doing men things?
Having choices?
I had no idea.
Come, I fly you out of country.
Thank you, Mirek.
There's that smile!
You should smile more, it's so pretty.
You were so close.
♪ So we made it to the plane ♪
♪ And escaped the Cromanian leader ♪
♪ All the women are now in charge ♪
♪ But they're not that great either ♪
♪ They murdered all the men ♪
♪ We think they overdid it ♪
♪ But after all they went through ♪
♪ I guess we kinda get it ♪
[ Light applause ]
Bridgette, you're still hot!
In my country, Bridgette is a 3.