1
00:00:01,059 --> 00:00:04,060
♪
2
00:00:04,062 --> 00:00:07,057
[ Alex, Bridgette grunting ]
3
00:00:08,058 --> 00:00:11,059
Why'd you put our box of stuff
so high up?
4
00:00:11,061 --> 00:00:14,051
What photo could possibly
be worth this?
5
00:00:14,053 --> 00:00:16,046
It's the one they took on
the Legoland roller coaster
6
00:00:16,048 --> 00:00:18,049
where I'm rocking amazing bangs.
7
00:00:18,051 --> 00:00:21,053
I have to post it
for Throwback Thursday.
8
00:00:21,055 --> 00:00:22,060
[ Grunts ]
9
00:00:22,062 --> 00:00:25,054
[ Gasps ] Oh, the Brewins bar.
10
00:00:25,056 --> 00:00:27,046
Yeah, from the night
we first met.
11
00:00:27,048 --> 00:00:29,044
I thought you were so hot.
12
00:00:29,046 --> 00:00:31,053
When you said hi,
I saw fireworks.
13
00:00:31,055 --> 00:00:33,049
Uh, let's reminisce
a little faster!
14
00:00:33,051 --> 00:00:36,049
What the hell?!
Our divorce papers?!
15
00:00:37,055 --> 00:00:39,060
You said you signed these
over a year ago!
16
00:00:39,062 --> 00:00:42,050
[ Grunts ] I must have
gotten distracted!
17
00:00:42,052 --> 00:00:44,054
You know we're in
a golden age of TV.
18
00:00:44,056 --> 00:00:46,057
So we're still married?
19
00:00:46,059 --> 00:00:48,058
You need to let go
and sign these!
20
00:00:48,060 --> 00:00:50,055
[ Both grunting ]
21
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Aah!
22
00:00:51,061 --> 00:00:54,045
[ Slow motion ] No!
23
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No!
24
00:00:58,063 --> 00:01:00,066
[ Groans ]
25
00:01:01,044 --> 00:01:13,062
♪
26
00:01:13,064 --> 00:01:15,144
I can't believe you never signed
your divorce papers.
27
00:01:16,044 --> 00:01:18,055
It's got these cool stickers
that tell you where to do it
and everything!
28
00:01:18,057 --> 00:01:21,055
I always had this hope that
I could fix the relationship.
29
00:01:21,057 --> 00:01:23,062
I guess it's time to destroy
that hope with alcohol.
30
00:01:23,064 --> 00:01:26,053
Dude, is that that moonshine
we made in college?
31
00:01:26,055 --> 00:01:28,043
Yeah, I just found it
in the garage.
32
00:01:28,045 --> 00:01:31,055
Plus the blues record
we got the recipe from.
33
00:01:31,057 --> 00:01:36,046
♪ If drowning your sorrows
is what you seek ♪
34
00:01:36,048 --> 00:01:40,056
♪ Got a hooch so strong,
it'll knock ya into next week ♪
35
00:01:40,058 --> 00:01:42,057
I could trace it back
to one day, Josh.
36
00:01:42,059 --> 00:01:44,057
One night I made myself
this sando.
37
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Stepped away for one second.
38
00:01:47,047 --> 00:01:50,059
When I came back, Bridgette
had scarfed the whole thing.
39
00:01:50,061 --> 00:01:54,052
We got in a huge fight,
and I said I wish we never met.
40
00:01:54,054 --> 00:01:56,062
The next day, she asked me
for a divorce.
41
00:01:56,064 --> 00:01:59,066
If I could just go back
and stop that fight...
42
00:02:00,044 --> 00:02:02,061
♪ Think of a memory
and take a shot ♪
43
00:02:02,063 --> 00:02:04,049
To the sandwich!
44
00:02:04,051 --> 00:02:07,053
♪ Well, that's the era, baby,
you'll be brought ♪
45
00:02:07,055 --> 00:02:10,045
You know what?
Tastes pretty good.
46
00:02:10,047 --> 00:02:12,061
[ Both screaming ]
47
00:02:14,062 --> 00:02:16,061
[ Both grunt ]
48
00:02:16,063 --> 00:02:19,049
Aah! What the hell
just happened?!
49
00:02:19,051 --> 00:02:22,057
Hey, does your room
seem different?
50
00:02:24,044 --> 00:02:28,057
July 21, 1969?
51
00:02:28,059 --> 00:02:32,048
[ Gasps ] My God.
We've traveled through time...
52
00:02:32,050 --> 00:02:36,048
to three years ago, when I got
into collecting '60s stuff!
53
00:02:36,050 --> 00:02:38,062
Wait, "Time Hooch."
The whiskey did this.
54
00:02:38,064 --> 00:02:40,055
"Think of a memory
and take a shot.
55
00:02:40,057 --> 00:02:42,043
That's the era
you'll be brought."
56
00:02:42,045 --> 00:02:44,060
So the whiskey recipe
is actually a recipe
57
00:02:44,062 --> 00:02:46,062
for time travel!
58
00:02:46,064 --> 00:02:49,061
"Rye, barley,
a dead man's pocket watch
59
00:02:49,063 --> 00:02:52,048
mixed at the crossroads
under a full moon."
60
00:02:52,050 --> 00:02:55,051
Okay, yeah, we should
have seen this coming.
61
00:02:55,053 --> 00:02:59,049
Whoa! Remember when we used
to keep the couch over there?
62
00:02:59,051 --> 00:03:00,059
So trippy.
63
00:03:00,061 --> 00:03:02,053
Hide!
64
00:03:02,055 --> 00:03:04,065
Holy crap.
Slightly younger us's.
65
00:03:05,043 --> 00:03:06,061
[ Snickers ]
Look how dumb we looked.
66
00:03:06,063 --> 00:03:10,043
See you guys later. I'm gonna go
see the new Kevin Spacey movie.
67
00:03:10,045 --> 00:03:12,064
Nice!
That guy can do no wrong.
68
00:03:12,066 --> 00:03:14,049
[ Both inhale sharply ]
69
00:03:14,051 --> 00:03:18,051
I'm gonna go make myself
a big old I-talian sando.
70
00:03:18,053 --> 00:03:20,052
This is the day
of the big sando fight!
71
00:03:20,054 --> 00:03:22,047
If I can prevent that
from happening,
72
00:03:22,049 --> 00:03:23,065
I can save my marriage.
73
00:03:24,043 --> 00:03:25,163
Okay, when I leave the room,
74
00:03:26,043 --> 00:03:27,057
Bridgette comes in
and eats my sando.
75
00:03:27,059 --> 00:03:29,045
That's when the argument starts.
76
00:03:29,047 --> 00:03:31,046
Then let's hide the sandwich
so she doesn't see it,
77
00:03:31,048 --> 00:03:33,048
then put it back.
78
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[ Gasps ]
79
00:03:37,059 --> 00:03:39,050
Dude!
You made it super oily.
80
00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:41,047
How else do you
lock in the flavor?
81
00:03:41,049 --> 00:03:43,066
[ Both grunting ]
82
00:03:44,044 --> 00:03:45,056
Aah!
83
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:47,043
Hide!
84
00:03:47,045 --> 00:03:49,049
Uh, Bridge, where's my sando?
85
00:03:49,051 --> 00:03:50,063
Bridgette: What are you
talking about?
86
00:03:50,065 --> 00:03:52,050
My sandwich!
It's gone!
87
00:03:52,052 --> 00:03:54,055
Alex, I didn't
touch your sandwich!
88
00:03:54,057 --> 00:03:57,057
Oh, so I suppose it just
flew out the window!
89
00:03:57,059 --> 00:03:59,046
Look, I don't know
what's up with you,
90
00:03:59,048 --> 00:04:02,045
- but you're being a jerk.
- Oh, I'm being a jerk?!
91
00:04:02,047 --> 00:04:05,066
- Ugh!
- Okay, well, guess what!
92
00:04:06,044 --> 00:04:08,064
I wish we never...
93
00:04:08,066 --> 00:04:10,062
- Ooh!
- What the hell?!
94
00:04:10,064 --> 00:04:12,059
Shh!
I'm you from the future.
95
00:04:12,061 --> 00:04:17,043
Yeah, right. Here's a question
only I would know.
96
00:04:17,045 --> 00:04:19,057
- What year were you born?
- 1982.
97
00:04:19,059 --> 00:04:22,062
Holy shit!
You really are me.
98
00:04:22,064 --> 00:04:25,046
Hey, you've been
keeping it tight.
99
00:04:25,048 --> 00:04:26,063
Alex, I hate to say this,
100
00:04:26,065 --> 00:04:29,057
but you gotta let
this sando thing go.
101
00:04:29,059 --> 00:04:32,059
This fight leads to
the destruction of our marriage.
102
00:04:32,061 --> 00:04:35,056
Really? But we've been off
the rails for a while now.
103
00:04:35,058 --> 00:04:37,339
Remember that argument we had
at Candice's birthday party?
104
00:04:38,043 --> 00:04:41,045
Oh, yeah. That's when things
really got tense.
105
00:04:41,047 --> 00:04:42,061
You know what?
We got to go back there.
106
00:04:42,063 --> 00:04:44,063
Why didn't we just go back there
in the first place?
107
00:04:44,065 --> 00:04:46,051
We had a lot of fights, okay?
108
00:04:46,053 --> 00:04:47,063
Hey, you wanna
come with us?
[ Footsteps approaching ]
109
00:04:47,065 --> 00:04:49,066
Bridgette's coming!
We gotta drink!
110
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♪
111
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[ All screaming ]
112
00:04:55,049 --> 00:04:57,057
[ All grunt ]
113
00:04:57,059 --> 00:04:59,045
Blow 'em out, Candice.
114
00:04:59,047 --> 00:05:01,064
Oof. I could not deal
with monsters like these.
115
00:05:01,066 --> 00:05:05,060
Yeah, the whole parenting thing
would not be a good look for us.
116
00:05:05,062 --> 00:05:07,065
Oh, so you think
I'd be a bad father?
117
00:05:08,043 --> 00:05:10,044
What? No.
You just said that.
118
00:05:10,046 --> 00:05:12,046
But you're not exactly
disagreeing with it!
119
00:05:12,048 --> 00:05:13,061
Ugh, I can't deal with you.
120
00:05:13,063 --> 00:05:16,044
Oh, you can't deal with me?
121
00:05:16,046 --> 00:05:17,055
Well, actually...
122
00:05:17,057 --> 00:05:19,048
What the hell?!
123
00:05:19,050 --> 00:05:21,051
Shh! Shh!
We're you from the future.
124
00:05:21,053 --> 00:05:24,044
What? No way.
When were you born?
125
00:05:24,046 --> 00:05:25,049
Both: 1982.
126
00:05:25,051 --> 00:05:26,058
Ha ha! Oh, you are me!
127
00:05:26,060 --> 00:05:28,051
Wow, you both look fit.
128
00:05:28,053 --> 00:05:30,048
Listen, the fight
you were about to have
129
00:05:30,050 --> 00:05:32,045
leads directly to our divorce.
130
00:05:32,047 --> 00:05:33,054
Are you sure about that?
131
00:05:33,056 --> 00:05:36,043
I mean, this fight is really
just a continuation
132
00:05:36,045 --> 00:05:37,063
of the one from
Bridgette's aunt's funeral.
133
00:05:37,065 --> 00:05:39,058
I said her dead aunt
looked like Michael Shannon.
134
00:05:39,060 --> 00:05:42,044
I mean, I wasn't wrong.
135
00:05:42,046 --> 00:05:43,049
Up top!
136
00:05:43,051 --> 00:05:44,058
[ Grunts ]
137
00:05:44,060 --> 00:05:47,046
You just forget
these precious moments.
138
00:05:47,048 --> 00:05:49,046
Josh, stop living in the past!
139
00:05:49,048 --> 00:05:51,048
We have to travel back
to three weeks ago.
140
00:05:51,050 --> 00:05:54,045
♪ You shredded
the space-time continuum ♪
141
00:05:54,047 --> 00:05:56,048
♪ Now what you gonna do? ♪
142
00:05:56,050 --> 00:05:58,053
♪ Now, take a drink ♪
143
00:05:58,055 --> 00:06:00,054
♪ And meet the past ♪
144
00:06:00,056 --> 00:06:03,052
♪ But watch your step,
or you'll ♪
145
00:06:03,054 --> 00:06:05,053
♪ Unleash an endless series
of consequences ♪
146
00:06:05,055 --> 00:06:08,048
♪ That may prove to be worse
than the original problem ♪
147
00:06:08,050 --> 00:06:09,170
♪ You were hoping to solve ♪
148
00:06:10,043 --> 00:06:11,053
♪ You know what I mean? ♪
149
00:06:11,055 --> 00:06:13,065
♪ I mean, it's right there
in your face, man ♪
150
00:06:14,043 --> 00:06:16,054
♪ Dum, dum-dum dum-dum ♪
151
00:06:16,056 --> 00:06:18,046
♪ Dum, dum-dum ♪
152
00:06:18,048 --> 00:06:20,046
♪ Before you take it,
stop and think ♪
153
00:06:20,048 --> 00:06:23,053
♪ Is changing history
worth a drink? ♪
154
00:06:23,055 --> 00:06:25,056
♪ That's right,
you better think about it ♪
155
00:06:25,058 --> 00:06:28,043
♪ You better put that
drink aside for now ♪
156
00:06:28,045 --> 00:06:30,059
Man, how many fights
did you and Bridgette have?
157
00:06:30,061 --> 00:06:32,046
More than I remembered.
158
00:06:32,048 --> 00:06:34,060
Wait, this is where I meet her
for the first time.
159
00:06:34,062 --> 00:06:36,066
- But we didn't fight that night.
- Don't you see?
160
00:06:37,044 --> 00:06:39,045
Stopping all these fights
doesn't change anything.
161
00:06:39,047 --> 00:06:42,050
We're still gonna lose our job,
get divorced, live in a closet.
162
00:06:42,052 --> 00:06:46,054
We live in a closet?
Wow, sucks to be me.
163
00:06:46,056 --> 00:06:49,053
The only way to fix our lives
once and for all...
164
00:06:49,055 --> 00:06:50,057
[ Gasps ]
165
00:06:50,059 --> 00:06:53,056
...is to stop me
from meeting Bridgette.
166
00:06:54,064 --> 00:06:56,064
So if I never meet Bridgette,
she'll never end up
167
00:06:56,066 --> 00:06:58,049
in my class at UCLA,
168
00:06:58,051 --> 00:06:59,064
I'll never get fired
for dating a student,
169
00:06:59,066 --> 00:07:02,047
and I won't end up a broke,
divorced loser
170
00:07:02,049 --> 00:07:03,057
living in a closet.
171
00:07:03,059 --> 00:07:04,062
I'll get my life back.
172
00:07:04,064 --> 00:07:07,047
We'll get all of our lives back.
173
00:07:07,049 --> 00:07:10,044
Uh, they're twins.
174
00:07:10,046 --> 00:07:12,044
There she is.
175
00:07:13,045 --> 00:07:15,043
[ Gasps ]
176
00:07:15,045 --> 00:07:24,049
♪
177
00:07:24,051 --> 00:07:27,064
There!
Hunk... dead ahead.
178
00:07:27,066 --> 00:07:29,063
We've got to stop him
from seeing Bridgette.
179
00:07:29,065 --> 00:07:31,056
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
We can't.
180
00:07:31,058 --> 00:07:34,049
All I wanted was to fix
our relationship, not erase it.
181
00:07:34,051 --> 00:07:35,060
What the hell are you
talking about?!
182
00:07:35,062 --> 00:07:37,051
This is our chance
to have a normal life.
183
00:07:37,053 --> 00:07:39,054
But that's a life
without Bridgette.
184
00:07:39,056 --> 00:07:42,059
Look, I'm the oldest Alex here
and, therefore, the wisest.
185
00:07:42,061 --> 00:07:45,064
And I can see now that however
crappy my life turned out,
186
00:07:45,066 --> 00:07:48,049
it's not because of her.
187
00:07:48,051 --> 00:07:50,052
It's...
188
00:07:50,054 --> 00:07:52,049
It's because of me.
189
00:07:52,051 --> 00:07:56,054
And me and me and definitely me.
190
00:07:56,056 --> 00:07:58,061
No way, hot stuff.
We're doing this.
191
00:07:58,063 --> 00:08:01,060
Yeah, sorry handsome.
It's nine against one.
192
00:08:01,062 --> 00:08:03,061
Wait!
193
00:08:03,063 --> 00:08:07,053
You're gonna have to
go through me first.
194
00:08:09,044 --> 00:08:11,050
[ Grunting ]
195
00:08:13,054 --> 00:08:14,061
Come on, Josh!
196
00:08:14,063 --> 00:08:16,063
We can't let them stop me
from meeting Bridgette.
197
00:08:16,065 --> 00:08:18,050
Take that, Alex!
198
00:08:18,052 --> 00:08:19,065
Ow!
199
00:08:20,043 --> 00:08:24,046
Body blow, uppercut,
roundhouse kick!
200
00:08:26,043 --> 00:08:27,065
Oh, no, I don't!
201
00:08:28,043 --> 00:08:29,062
Ow!
202
00:08:29,064 --> 00:08:38,053
♪
203
00:08:38,055 --> 00:08:41,047
Alex, I just want you to know...
204
00:08:41,049 --> 00:08:42,061
I got to pee so bad!
205
00:08:42,063 --> 00:08:45,052
Aah!
206
00:08:45,054 --> 00:08:47,053
Hey, barkeep.
You got any craft beers?
207
00:08:47,055 --> 00:08:49,058
Maybe a double IPA?
208
00:08:49,060 --> 00:08:50,063
Hey.
209
00:08:50,065 --> 00:08:52,045
I'm Bridgette.
210
00:08:52,047 --> 00:08:53,050
I'm Alex.
211
00:08:53,052 --> 00:08:55,061
Wow.
Fireworks.
212
00:08:55,063 --> 00:08:57,053
Yes!
213
00:08:57,055 --> 00:08:59,060
♪
214
00:08:59,062 --> 00:09:01,064
Josh, look out!
215
00:09:01,066 --> 00:09:04,056
♪
216
00:09:04,058 --> 00:09:06,060
[ Both grunt ]
217
00:09:07,060 --> 00:09:09,062
Oh, man, we're way
in the future!
218
00:09:09,064 --> 00:09:11,053
And we're all out of Time Hooch.
219
00:09:11,055 --> 00:09:12,065
What are we gonna do?
220
00:09:13,043 --> 00:09:14,049
Alert! Alert!
221
00:09:14,051 --> 00:09:17,044
These two humanoids
must be neutered and chipped.
222
00:09:18,059 --> 00:09:20,044
[ Both scream ]
223
00:09:20,046 --> 00:09:29,056
♪
224
00:09:29,058 --> 00:09:30,062
Whoa!
225
00:09:30,064 --> 00:09:33,048
- Get in, Dicktaints!
- Dicktaints?
226
00:09:33,050 --> 00:09:35,056
That's how we say "dudes"
in the future.
227
00:09:35,058 --> 00:09:38,045
- Cool.
- Dicktaints.
228
00:09:38,047 --> 00:09:44,064
♪
229
00:09:44,066 --> 00:09:46,059
- Thanks for the ride!
- Sure.
230
00:09:46,061 --> 00:09:49,061
P.S... "Dicktaints"
still means dicktaints.
231
00:09:49,063 --> 00:09:52,044
[ Laughs ]
232
00:09:52,066 --> 00:09:54,062
Oh, man, they got us so good.
233
00:09:54,064 --> 00:09:56,054
[ Chuckles ]
Dicktaints!
234
00:09:56,056 --> 00:09:58,044
It's time to let go of the past.
235
00:09:58,046 --> 00:09:59,053
[ Grunts ] Sign.
236
00:09:59,055 --> 00:10:01,063
Sticker there.
Sticker there, too.
237
00:10:01,065 --> 00:10:04,055
Geez, what happened?
Are you okay?
238
00:10:04,057 --> 00:10:07,052
I'm better than okay.
Here.
239
00:10:07,054 --> 00:10:09,065
Oh, you signed?
What changed?
240
00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:15,043
Well, I guess you could say
it was... time.
241
00:10:15,045 --> 00:10:19,057
Okay, a lot of emphasis on
the word "time," but thank you.
242
00:10:21,054 --> 00:10:26,054
♪
243
00:10:26,056 --> 00:10:28,063
Well, huh.
What do you, uh...
244
00:10:28,065 --> 00:10:30,056
What do you guys think
we should do now?
245
00:10:30,058 --> 00:10:33,066
I mean, there's
one obvious option.
246
00:10:35,054 --> 00:10:38,049
- So fit.
- Ooh, yeah, the forbidden fruit.
247
00:10:38,051 --> 00:10:40,054
- Mm! So jacked.
- I wanna touch it.
248
00:10:40,056 --> 00:10:42,043
I'm gonna touch it.
249
00:10:42,045 --> 00:10:49,053
♪
250
00:10:49,055 --> 00:10:51,060
[ Beeping ]
251
00:10:51,062 --> 00:10:54,057
Insert its DNA into the embryo.
252
00:10:54,059 --> 00:10:57,044
Congratulations, gentlemen.
253
00:10:57,046 --> 00:10:59,062
We're going to clone
a Neanderthal!
254
00:10:59,064 --> 00:11:03,055
[ Laughs maniacally ]