[ Rock music plays ]
[ Cellphone blips ] [ Door opens ]
♪
[ Moaning ]
♪
[ Cellphones blipping ]
[ Cellphones clicking ]
[ Blipping continues ]
[ Tattoo gun buzzing ]
[ Camera shutter clicks ]
♪
[ Blipping continues ]
♪
[ Record scratches ]
[ Choir vocalizing ]
♪
[ Cellphone dings ]
Derek!
[ Cellphone chimes ]
[ Groans loudly ] Not now, Beyoncé!
♪
I got ghosted again!
Why is it so hard to find a guy who won't leave?
Trust me, one day you'll find your perfect match.
I did! [ Door opens ]
- We got a street couch! - Oh, hell no!
We agreed... no more garbage furniture!
[ Whining ] But I want it.
Oh, we got that savings account you wanted...
But we needed that!
[ Exhales sharply ] Fine.
Yes! Excuse us, ladies.
[ Josh and Alex laugh ]
I can't believe we carried it 15 blocks!
It's gonna feel so good to sit on it.
Ho-ho, man. Okay, here we go.
Gotta get this right. Gotta warm up my cheeks.
Just like puttin' a fish in a fishbowl, you know what I'm saying.
Guys, can you please tone it down a little.
Bridgette just got ghosted.
[ Wailing loudly ]
Ooooh, sorry.
You know what might help? [ Laughs nervously ]
The healing properties of a comfy street couch.
Whoa! -[ Sobbing ] [ Springs slam ]
Oh, actually, I was thinking we could all sit on it right now.
[ Bridgette wailing loudly ] Ohhh, noooo!
I-I-I-It's cool. I can wait.
[ Crickets chirping ]
[ Exhales heavily ]
You all look like you're going to ghost me, too.
[ Sighs heavily ]
Beautiful mademoiselle, why so sad?
[ Screams ]
Forgive me, mon chérie.
I've not properly introduced myself.
My name is Henri Dubois Moureau V.
My father was the Duc D'Orléans.
Um, I'm... I'm Bridgette. Uh...
My father is a pharmacist.
Well, he must be the king of the pharmacists
because he raised a princess, hmm?
[ Moaning chuckle ] Oh! [ Giggles ]
Okay, everything about this is working for me.
But, you're, like, dead, right? What's that all about?
Henri: I was once France's premier furniture designer... [ Harpsichord playing ]
[ Crowd gasps ]
...and it's greatest bachelor.
♪
I made love to beautiful women,
and in return, they made love back to me.
[ Woman ohh's ]
But I was unfaithful.
[ Moaning ] Ohh. Oh! Oh!
And some became jealous. [ Screams ]
[ Scythe shinks ]
I died on this very couch.
So you're tied to this couch forever?
Until I complete my unfinished business,
whatever that may be.
And you, why is it that my couch
is stained with your tears?
Oh, I was sad because guys keep ghosting me.
No offense. Ghosting?
What is this "ghosting?"
It's when a guy dumps you without telling you and vanishes.
This is, how you say, outrage!
I would never ghost you, sweet Bridgette.
Oh, really?
So, um...[chuckles] what are you doing later?
[ Crowd cheers ]
[ Crowd gasps ]
[ Smooches ]
♪
[ Riders screaming ] [ Camera shutter clicks ]
♪
Your new boyfriend seems awesome.
Henri and I have so much in common.
He also hates fake bitches.
- Excuse me, Candice. - I've heard worse.
Well, I'm glad you found someone.
Ok, just to be clear, this is not a relationship.
This is a haunting.
I knew you were gonna be like this.
You don't like him because he's French.
It ain't helping, but it's mostly because he's dead.
I mean how are you even gonna have sex?
Wouldn't you like to know?
♪ Whoa... ♪
[ Knock on door ] Come in.
[ Door opens ] ♪ My love ♪
Thank you for agreeing to be our vessel, Randy.
Anything for a friend-slash-tenant.
Let's do this. ♪ I've hungered for ♪
♪ Your touch ♪
♪ A long ♪
♪ Lonely time ♪
Mmm.
[ Both moaning ] Ooh.
[ Randy shouting rhythmically ] ♪ And time ♪
♪ Goes by ♪ [ Shouting continues ]
[ Screaming ]
[ ♪ So slowly ] Did she move the couch in there?
I haven't had a chance to sit on it yet.
♪ And time ♪ Do... not... go in there!
[ Sobbing ] ♪ Can do so much ♪
♪ Are you ♪
[ Snoring ]
[ Grunting ] [ Humming sleepily ]
[ Coughs ] Ew, gross. [ Murmuring in sleep ]
Gross. [ Grunts ]
Ew.
Bonjour, mon chéri. [ Chuckles ]
What a beautiful morning
after such a beautiful evening of love-make.
Yeaaah, it was... great. [ Chuckles ]
I'm just used to sleeping alone.
Well, you will never have to again.
Uh, I need to go in here.
Pardon, is everything alright?
Yeah, it's fine. Great.
♪
Did I say you could leave a toothbrush in here?
[ Chuckles ] No, but, uh, I, um,
how you say, assumed,
uh, since we live together.
[ Humming ]
You knew the word was "assumed."
[ Door slams ]
Bridgette, I apologize if I've done anything to offend. [ Harpsichord playing ]
I... I hope you can forgive me.
Yeah, gross. I'm not really into chocolate.
[ Door closes ]
[ Cellphone clicking ] Bridgette...
[ Couch scraping ] ...I have a beautiful surprise
for a beautiful lady.
Greeeaaat. More dead things.
[ Harpsichord continues ]
Bridgette, I have expressed my passion for you
through the medium of painting.
I've also written an opera about your face.
Uh-huh. [ Sighs deeply ]
I guess it does not matter. [ Chuckles ]
Nothing I do seems to matter. [ Monotone ] What do you mean?
You're the best... Yay...
Is that why you put up zis?!
What? It's my favorite movie.
[ Cries ] Why have you grown so cold?
[ Cellphone ringing ] Ooh, sorry. I'm getting a call.
Ah, zere it is! Classic Bridgette.
Zings get le tough and you le run away
to ze fake phone call!
[ Whispering ] Shh! You're being a dick!
Yes, I do have time for a survey.
Ah! Bridgette!
You are tearing me apart!
[ Ughs ] Whatever. Like I don't have three more.
No, no, no. You're not going anywhere
until you tell me why you are so upset with me.
Hey guys, is it cool if I sit on the...
[ Indistinct arguing ]
Aw, man... Upset?
How could I be upset about a dead guy who's chained to a couch and can never leave?!
Is zat what you wish?
You wish I could, uh, ghost you?
Please! You're being ridiculous!
Why would I want a guy...
to ghost... me?
Hey, I was thinking, maybe I could leave
a toothbrush at your place?
Yuck. Take me to Wetzel's
and don't embarrass me.
[ Whispering ] Psst, I bought a toothbrush to leave at your place.
[ Gasps ]
[ Straining ]
Bridgette, I have something I want to keep at your place.
What... What are y...
Bridgette, I love you!
Oh, shit. I'm the dick.
So, I'm sorry for how I behaved.
You know how women are conditioned to be
non-confrontational with guys
so they don't get murdered or locked in a basement?
Oui, of course.
I've realized that's why I sabotage relationships
when I just want them to be over.
Instead of just breaking things off,
I force guys to ghost me.
So, you want to break things off avec moi?
You are a really, really great ghost.
And if I was ready, or if you were alive,
maybe this would be different.
[ Sighs ] I understand. You do?
Are you sure you don't want to yell at me
in the back of an Uber or something?
No, no, no. I am done disrespecting women.
When I was among ze living, I was a cad, a cheat.
I hurt every woman I ever loved, and it killed me.
Hurt people... hurt people. Ohh...
I don't want to hurt you.
Nor I you.
I want you to be happy. [ Crying chuckles ]
I can't believe how mature this breakup is.
[ Whooshing ]
Mon dieu!
What's happening?
My unfinished business!
I must have needed to have a healthy breakup!
Or to make love to a woman
by possessing a shirtless man's body.
Either way, farewell, sweet Bridgette of House Pharmacist!
Goodbye, Henri!
Thanks for not freaking out when I broke up with you!
No, I broke up with you!
I broke up with him.
Couch? No! No!
[ Sobbing ] No! Oh, God...
I never got to sit on you...