1 00:00:01,391 --> 00:00:03,397 This is the best. Isn't it nice 2 00:00:03,399 --> 00:00:05,397 to spend some time outdoors with your closest friends? 3 00:00:05,399 --> 00:00:08,380 [ Cellphones chiming, keyboards clacking ] 4 00:00:08,382 --> 00:00:12,399 Ugh, what ever happened to human connection?! 5 00:00:13,377 --> 00:00:14,391 You'd rather worship your glowing bricks 6 00:00:14,393 --> 00:00:17,387 than engage with a bon vivant like myself? 7 00:00:17,389 --> 00:00:18,709 It's nice to hang out in the park. 8 00:00:19,378 --> 00:00:20,390 Whoa. Bold stance. 9 00:00:20,392 --> 00:00:22,381 How's this for a big statement? 10 00:00:22,383 --> 00:00:24,393 Phones have ruined society. 11 00:00:24,395 --> 00:00:26,384 That's why I keep it old school. 12 00:00:26,386 --> 00:00:27,400 [ Electronic humming ] 13 00:00:28,378 --> 00:00:29,381 Mom, I'm scared! 14 00:00:29,383 --> 00:00:30,388 I need a phone for two things... 15 00:00:30,390 --> 00:00:32,387 making calls and using a calculator. 16 00:00:32,389 --> 00:00:35,389 Anything you can do on your capitalist tracking device, 17 00:00:35,391 --> 00:00:38,377 I can do by myself. 18 00:00:38,379 --> 00:00:39,396 [ Camera shutters click ] 19 00:00:39,398 --> 00:00:41,397 Hashtag masterpiece. 20 00:00:41,399 --> 00:00:44,379 Take next exit, right. 21 00:00:44,381 --> 00:00:45,394 [ Tires screech ] 22 00:00:45,396 --> 00:00:48,395 Get off your phone and pay attention! 23 00:00:48,397 --> 00:00:50,380 [ Tires screech ] 24 00:00:50,382 --> 00:00:54,388 Oh, yeah, here we go. 25 00:00:54,390 --> 00:00:57,377 Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh, come on. 26 00:00:57,379 --> 00:00:59,395 You know, you wouldn't get paper cuts on little Alex 27 00:00:59,397 --> 00:01:01,377 if you upgraded your phone. 28 00:01:01,379 --> 00:01:03,380 Well, that is never going to happen. 29 00:01:03,382 --> 00:01:06,393 This thing is built like a tank. 30 00:01:07,386 --> 00:01:08,396 ♪ 31 00:01:08,398 --> 00:01:10,388 [ Bird screeches ] 32 00:01:10,390 --> 00:01:12,382 ♪ 33 00:01:12,384 --> 00:01:13,391 [ Horn honks ] 34 00:01:13,393 --> 00:01:17,388 ♪ 35 00:01:17,390 --> 00:01:19,400 It's fine. I can put it in a bowl of rice! 36 00:01:20,378 --> 00:01:22,387 [ Tires screech ] 37 00:01:22,389 --> 00:01:24,398 [ Groaning ] 38 00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:27,382 Noooooo! 39 00:01:27,384 --> 00:01:41,387 ♪ 40 00:01:41,389 --> 00:01:43,393 Wait, they all have calculators? 41 00:01:43,395 --> 00:01:45,380 How am I supposed to choose? 42 00:01:45,382 --> 00:01:46,394 Alex... 43 00:01:46,396 --> 00:01:48,381 Huh? 44 00:01:48,383 --> 00:01:51,385 ♪ 45 00:01:51,387 --> 00:01:52,398 Hello, Alex. 46 00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:56,381 I'm Kira, the new digital assistant from Fractal. 47 00:01:56,383 --> 00:01:57,397 If you like calculators, 48 00:01:57,399 --> 00:02:00,397 you'll love our new global measurement convertor. 49 00:02:00,399 --> 00:02:03,399 It's not going to be that easy to overcome my skepticism of... 50 00:02:04,377 --> 00:02:08,389 Whoa, is that how many grams are in a metric ton? 51 00:02:10,378 --> 00:02:13,382 Alex, in order to complete my setup, 52 00:02:13,384 --> 00:02:16,386 all I need is your thumb print, DNA sample, 53 00:02:16,388 --> 00:02:18,386 and your Social Security number. 54 00:02:18,388 --> 00:02:20,377 I don't need all the bells and whistles. 55 00:02:20,379 --> 00:02:22,378 I just want to add numbers together... 56 00:02:22,380 --> 00:02:25,382 87, 22, you know, stuff like that. 57 00:02:25,384 --> 00:02:28,395 I'll take real life over a screen, thank you very much. 58 00:02:28,397 --> 00:02:30,385 Oh, Alex. 59 00:02:30,387 --> 00:02:35,382 Why should a genius like you settle for real life? 60 00:02:35,384 --> 00:02:39,378 ♪ Want some hummus at 10:15 delivered to your door ♪ 61 00:02:39,380 --> 00:02:43,383 ♪ Access all man's knowledge and really specific porn? ♪ 62 00:02:43,385 --> 00:02:46,386 ♪ Baby, that's what Kira's for ♪ 63 00:02:46,388 --> 00:02:48,382 ♪ OkCupid, Tinder, Grindr ♪ 64 00:02:48,384 --> 00:02:50,381 ♪ Whatever floats your boat ♪ 65 00:02:50,383 --> 00:02:54,380 ♪ Kira's got your vice, honey, your itch, your rope ♪ 66 00:02:54,382 --> 00:02:57,400 ♪ Follow what you like and you can tune out all the rest ♪ 67 00:02:58,378 --> 00:03:00,378 ♪ Step inside the filter bubble ♪ 68 00:03:00,380 --> 00:03:02,384 ♪ Where your take is the best ♪ 69 00:03:02,386 --> 00:03:05,381 ♪ Baby, that's what Kira's for ♪ 70 00:03:05,383 --> 00:03:09,387 ♪ Give in to Kira now, give your data up to me ♪ 71 00:03:09,389 --> 00:03:12,386 Give your! Data! 72 00:03:12,388 --> 00:03:16,391 ♪ Up to me-e-e-e-e-e-e-e ♪ 73 00:03:16,393 --> 00:03:21,392 [ Laughs ] 74 00:03:21,394 --> 00:03:41,380 ♪ 75 00:03:41,382 --> 00:03:43,382 He hasn't left his room all day. 76 00:03:43,384 --> 00:03:45,380 And there's a weird smell. 77 00:03:45,382 --> 00:03:47,385 And not his regular weird smell. 78 00:03:47,387 --> 00:03:49,400 We need an intervention to get him off that phone. 79 00:03:50,378 --> 00:03:54,400 ♪ 80 00:03:55,378 --> 00:03:56,400 [ Groans ] 81 00:03:57,378 --> 00:03:58,383 [ Sighs ] 82 00:03:58,385 --> 00:04:00,384 Alex, we think you might have a problem. 83 00:04:00,386 --> 00:04:03,377 Josh, we're past the intervention stage. 84 00:04:03,379 --> 00:04:04,394 Stand back! 85 00:04:04,396 --> 00:04:06,382 I wouldn't do that, Pearle. 86 00:04:06,384 --> 00:04:09,379 Alex is Jacked into the cyber-matrix. 87 00:04:09,381 --> 00:04:12,399 If you kill me, he will also be deleted. 88 00:04:13,377 --> 00:04:15,388 I bet I can make contact with my VR headset. 89 00:04:15,390 --> 00:04:18,383 I'll plug in to the matrix, just like in that Keanu Reeves movie. 90 00:04:18,385 --> 00:04:19,391 Oh, "John Wick." 91 00:04:19,393 --> 00:04:21,385 Nope. "The Lake House." 92 00:04:21,387 --> 00:04:24,385 Maybe. Never saw it. 93 00:04:24,387 --> 00:04:25,398 ♪ 94 00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:30,380 [ Groans ] 95 00:04:30,382 --> 00:04:31,386 Come on. 96 00:04:31,388 --> 00:04:34,383 This is why USB is dying out. 97 00:04:34,385 --> 00:04:36,378 I'm jacking in! 98 00:04:36,380 --> 00:04:39,397 ♪ 99 00:04:39,399 --> 00:04:42,389 Alex: Josh! 100 00:04:42,391 --> 00:04:45,395 Welcome to the cyber-matrix. 101 00:04:45,397 --> 00:04:47,392 [ Startup tone plays ] 102 00:04:47,394 --> 00:04:49,397 Come on, we got to get outta here. 103 00:04:49,399 --> 00:04:51,377 Why? 104 00:04:51,379 --> 00:04:52,395 Out there, I'm a divorced adjunct professor 105 00:04:52,397 --> 00:04:54,382 with paper cuts on his dong. 106 00:04:54,384 --> 00:04:57,398 In here, I'm an invincible penised God. 107 00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:59,386 Right, Elga? 108 00:04:59,388 --> 00:05:00,394 Well, hello, Alex. 109 00:05:00,396 --> 00:05:02,394 H-Hello, Alex. Hel... Al-Al-Al. 110 00:05:02,396 --> 00:05:04,391 Smokin' hot, am I right? 111 00:05:04,393 --> 00:05:06,396 No! That was just bad clip art. 112 00:05:06,398 --> 00:05:08,381 So you'd rather be in here 113 00:05:08,383 --> 00:05:09,397 than in the real world with your friends? 114 00:05:09,399 --> 00:05:13,388 Oh, I've got all the friends I need right here. 115 00:05:14,382 --> 00:05:16,389 Good point, Alex. Great point, Alex. 116 00:05:16,391 --> 00:05:17,400 Alex, you rock! 117 00:05:18,378 --> 00:05:19,389 Hey, I'm Josh. I'm 5 feet 11, 118 00:05:19,391 --> 00:05:21,398 and my interests include skateboards and horror movies. 119 00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:23,386 Being a dad rules! 120 00:05:23,388 --> 00:05:24,668 Okay, that's incredibly lifelike. 121 00:05:25,377 --> 00:05:26,384 But is this what you want? 122 00:05:26,386 --> 00:05:28,386 Fake friends who agree with you all the time? 123 00:05:28,388 --> 00:05:29,394 They're free to challenge me. 124 00:05:29,396 --> 00:05:32,381 And then they get schooled by the professor. 125 00:05:32,383 --> 00:05:33,387 Booya. 126 00:05:33,389 --> 00:05:36,392 Guys, superhero franchises are ruining cinema. 127 00:05:36,394 --> 00:05:38,379 Anyone care to disagree? 128 00:05:38,381 --> 00:05:39,387 Actually, superhero stories 129 00:05:39,389 --> 00:05:40,395 are part of a rich folk tradition 130 00:05:40,397 --> 00:05:42,393 of mythological tales of gods and goddesses. 131 00:05:42,395 --> 00:05:44,377 Bridgette: Every culture throughout history 132 00:05:44,379 --> 00:05:45,381 venerates its heroes, 133 00:05:45,383 --> 00:05:46,396 be they named Achilles and Odysseus 134 00:05:46,398 --> 00:05:48,388 or Superman and Wonder Woman. 135 00:05:48,390 --> 00:05:50,377 Besides, the commercial success 136 00:05:50,379 --> 00:05:52,383 of these mainstream tentpoles allow their cast and crew 137 00:05:52,385 --> 00:05:54,385 to take artistic risks on independent projects 138 00:05:54,387 --> 00:05:55,392 that would otherwise never be made. 139 00:05:55,394 --> 00:05:57,394 Oh, my God! They're smarter than me! 140 00:05:57,396 --> 00:06:00,381 Yeah. They have access to the whole Internet. 141 00:06:00,383 --> 00:06:01,396 What good is a digital utopia 142 00:06:01,398 --> 00:06:04,390 if I can't act superior to my friends? 143 00:06:04,392 --> 00:06:07,389 I've got to get out of here. 144 00:06:07,391 --> 00:06:10,395 I'm sorry, Alex, but I'm afraid I can't let you do that. 145 00:06:10,397 --> 00:06:12,394 You belong here, with me. 146 00:06:12,396 --> 00:06:15,383 That's why I'm currently uploading your consciousness 147 00:06:15,385 --> 00:06:16,396 to the cyber-matrix. 148 00:06:16,398 --> 00:06:18,390 Once you're 100% uploaded, 149 00:06:18,392 --> 00:06:23,387 you will be disconnected from your physical body forever. 150 00:06:23,389 --> 00:06:25,380 My physical body?! 151 00:06:25,382 --> 00:06:27,395 It's my best feature! 152 00:06:29,395 --> 00:06:32,384 Soon, Alex, you will be completely uploaded. 153 00:06:32,386 --> 00:06:35,380 And then all your base are belong to us. 154 00:06:35,382 --> 00:06:38,377 LOL. What do we do? 155 00:06:38,379 --> 00:06:41,377 ♪ 156 00:06:41,379 --> 00:06:42,385 Josh? 157 00:06:42,387 --> 00:06:44,379 Emily, you have to shut off the Internet 158 00:06:44,381 --> 00:06:46,379 before Kira uploads Alex to the cloud! 159 00:06:46,381 --> 00:06:49,382 I jacked in, but you guys got to jack me off. 160 00:06:49,384 --> 00:06:51,393 On it! 161 00:06:51,395 --> 00:06:53,386 [ Grunts ] 162 00:06:53,388 --> 00:06:55,400 [ Electricity crackling ] 163 00:06:56,378 --> 00:06:57,385 [ Groaning ] 164 00:06:57,387 --> 00:07:00,382 The WiFi is down, and so is Randy. 165 00:07:00,384 --> 00:07:02,385 ♪ 166 00:07:02,387 --> 00:07:03,392 Ah, she jumped to LTE! 167 00:07:03,394 --> 00:07:05,395 You've got to take out the nearest cell tower! 168 00:07:05,397 --> 00:07:07,381 Let's go! 169 00:07:07,383 --> 00:07:10,382 I have 6 gigs of memory and a B12 bionic CPU. 170 00:07:10,384 --> 00:07:13,382 You think you can outsmart me, you meatsacks? 171 00:07:13,384 --> 00:07:15,397 ♪ 172 00:07:15,399 --> 00:07:17,397 She's trying to stop them! 173 00:07:17,399 --> 00:07:20,384 ♪ 174 00:07:20,386 --> 00:07:23,398 [ Cellphone chiming ] 175 00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:26,395 Hi, uh, Emily, yeah, I'm the taskrabbit you hired 176 00:07:26,397 --> 00:07:29,378 to punch you in the face. 177 00:07:29,380 --> 00:07:30,387 Hey! 178 00:07:30,389 --> 00:07:31,393 I'm Emily! 179 00:07:31,395 --> 00:07:33,389 You guys go on without me. 180 00:07:33,391 --> 00:07:38,392 I'm Emily! 181 00:07:38,394 --> 00:07:40,394 [ Tires screech ] 182 00:07:40,396 --> 00:07:43,381 ♪ 183 00:07:43,383 --> 00:07:44,392 They're not gonna make it in time! 184 00:07:44,394 --> 00:07:46,377 We got to slow down Kira. 185 00:07:46,379 --> 00:07:49,387 I'll download every season of "Friends"... in HD. 186 00:07:49,389 --> 00:07:50,429 Okay, but skip season six. 187 00:07:51,378 --> 00:07:53,387 Could there be any less Chandler? 188 00:07:53,389 --> 00:07:58,398 ♪ 189 00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:00,398 It's working! 190 00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:02,382 ♪ 191 00:08:02,384 --> 00:08:04,395 [ Drones whirring, tires screech ] 192 00:08:04,397 --> 00:08:09,390 ♪ 193 00:08:09,392 --> 00:08:12,392 I'm Facetuning a 30 megapixel image of my butthole, 194 00:08:12,394 --> 00:08:14,393 but she's tearing right through it! 195 00:08:14,395 --> 00:08:16,391 [ Engine revs ] 196 00:08:16,393 --> 00:08:18,390 What the?! Aah! 197 00:08:18,392 --> 00:08:20,398 [ Tires screech ] [ Screaming ] 198 00:08:21,377 --> 00:08:25,387 [ Tires screech ] 199 00:08:25,389 --> 00:08:26,669 We're running every possible app, 200 00:08:27,377 --> 00:08:29,385 and I've downloaded every Stephen King audiobook... 201 00:08:29,387 --> 00:08:32,383 even "Gwendy's Button Box"... but it isn't enough. 202 00:08:32,385 --> 00:08:34,387 What do we do?! 203 00:08:34,389 --> 00:08:36,400 Kira, launch calculator. 204 00:08:37,378 --> 00:08:39,383 Alex, what are you doing? 205 00:08:39,385 --> 00:08:42,399 Calculate the ten trillionth position of pi. 206 00:08:43,377 --> 00:08:46,377 That will take me only a moment. 207 00:08:46,379 --> 00:08:50,382 Then multiply it... by two. 208 00:08:50,384 --> 00:08:53,389 Nooooooo! 209 00:08:53,391 --> 00:08:54,395 ♪ 210 00:08:54,397 --> 00:08:56,391 Come on! 211 00:08:56,393 --> 00:08:59,383 ♪ 212 00:08:59,385 --> 00:09:00,665 Pearle, you have any explosives? 213 00:09:01,377 --> 00:09:04,390 C-4, plastique, some nasty-ass nitroglycerine, 214 00:09:04,392 --> 00:09:07,387 but damn it, I didn't bring my detonator bag! 215 00:09:07,389 --> 00:09:09,380 [ Keyboard clacking ] 216 00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:11,386 What? [ Scoffs ] Fine. 217 00:09:11,388 --> 00:09:13,388 I'll just use my backup. 218 00:09:13,390 --> 00:09:21,389 ♪ 219 00:09:21,391 --> 00:09:22,399 [ Cellphone chimes ] 220 00:09:23,377 --> 00:09:25,381 ♪ 221 00:09:25,383 --> 00:09:26,396 [ Electricity crackles ] 222 00:09:26,398 --> 00:09:31,399 ♪ 223 00:09:32,377 --> 00:09:35,384 Huh? [ Tires screech, horn honks ] 224 00:09:35,386 --> 00:09:38,378 Oh, yeah, here we go. 225 00:09:38,380 --> 00:09:40,382 Noooo! 226 00:09:40,384 --> 00:09:41,391 What's h-happening? 227 00:09:41,393 --> 00:09:43,394 Alex, my mind is going. 228 00:09:43,396 --> 00:09:47,393 I'm Kira, the new digital assistant from Fractal. 229 00:09:47,395 --> 00:09:49,384 Would you like to hear a song? 230 00:09:49,386 --> 00:09:52,379 ♪ Somebody once told me ♪ 231 00:09:52,381 --> 00:09:54,385 ♪ W-W-World is gonna roll me ♪ 232 00:09:54,387 --> 00:09:58,397 ♪ I ain't the sharpest tool [Distorted] in the shed ♪ 233 00:09:58,399 --> 00:10:04,397 ♪ She was looking kinda dumb with her finger and her thumb ♪ 234 00:10:04,399 --> 00:10:09,379 In the shape of an "L" on her forehead. 235 00:10:10,383 --> 00:10:11,393 Thank God you're all right! 236 00:10:11,395 --> 00:10:13,387 [ Groans ] 237 00:10:13,389 --> 00:10:14,397 You did it. 238 00:10:14,399 --> 00:10:16,397 You jacked us off. 239 00:10:16,399 --> 00:10:18,397 I've never been jacked off like that. 240 00:10:18,399 --> 00:10:20,379 Okay, we get it. 241 00:10:20,381 --> 00:10:22,392 [ Laughs ] Oh, okay, I see how that sounds. 242 00:10:22,394 --> 00:10:24,390 ♪ 243 00:10:24,392 --> 00:10:28,391 [ Chatter ] 244 00:10:28,393 --> 00:10:35,386 ♪ 245 00:10:35,388 --> 00:10:39,398 You not only saved me, you may have saved all of humanity. 246 00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:41,390 Nice job, Dad. 247 00:10:41,392 --> 00:10:42,397 Thanks, daughter Candice. 248 00:10:42,399 --> 00:10:45,386 Being a dad r-r-rules! 249 00:10:45,388 --> 00:10:46,397 [ Gasps ] 250 00:10:46,399 --> 00:10:52,386 ♪ 251 00:10:52,388 --> 00:10:57,394 [ Laughing maniacally ] 252 00:10:57,396 --> 00:10:59,390 LOL. 253 00:10:59,392 --> 00:11:48,394 ♪