♪
[ Helicopter blades whirring ]
[ Dog barking ]
Whew. Tss, tss! [ Whistling ]
Ca-caw!
Why am I bringing up the rear?
No offense, but it's "cops and robbers",
not, you know, "retired cops and robbers."
I'm not retired from this game!
Pffft, okay.
It's raid time!
[ Groans ]
Man down!
[ Sighs ]
Freeze, El Chupacabra! Huh?
You're under arrest.
Arrest this!
[ Grunts ]
♪
Now we've got a game!
Aah!
♪
Stay down, civilian!
♪
Sorry, copper, you're too old to catch El Chupacabra!
♪
With age comes wisdom.
♪
Power slide!
Oh, God!
[ Groaning ]
Looks like a hit... and roll.
[ Rock music plays ]
Damn it, Randy!
I'm hurt here!
♪
Pearle: Oh, really?
Well, tell me, Mr. Insurance Man,
how on Earth is a partial hip replacement
considered elective surgery?!
No, you read the fine print
of your medical plan for more information!
[ Groans ]
After giving the police force the best years of my life,
all they give me in return is some aspirin
and a prescription for water aerobics?!
Those bastards!
Don't you talk about the LAPD that way!
But you... But you just said...
Once a cop, always a cop, Randy.
Why not give the water aerobics a try?
They say it's not just for old people.
♪
I'm too young for this shit.
Tony: And four and one and two
and three and four and one and two and three...
♪
Wow!
Great class, everybody. Next week, we'll work on lunges.
Why don't you come over here and lunge into me, Tony!
[ Laughter ]
Oh, you're naughty, Barb!
[ Laughs ]
Saw you struggling earlier.
Don't worry, new kid.
First time is the worst time.
Just like sex and cataract surgery.
[ Laughter ]
I'm Barb. Nice to meet you. I'm Pearle.
And this naughty girl is Gertrude.
She can hook you up with weed so dank,
it'll melt your face off your skull.
And Shirley here is my ride-or-die.
It's lunchtime, bitch!
She may have dementia,
but she's the kinda gal I'd want with me in a firefight.
It's lunchtime, bitch!
You guys get in a lot of firefights?
[ Laughter ]
I've been around one or two.
On the force. Oh, snap.
[ Inhales sharply ]
It's legal now, Gertrude.
I was a cop. Retired now.
Lot of good it did me.
Their crap insurance plan
won't cover the hip surgery I need.
All my life I played by the rules,
and look where it got me.
The Y-M freaking C-A.
Hey, now.
Life led you to the Y for a reason.
Maybe to make new friends.
Wanna hang with us?
I promised my son I'd take him to lunch.
Happy meal!
I'm lovin' it!
[ Groans ]
Yeah, I'll go to lunch with you.
♪
[ Tires screech ]
♪
[ Laughs ]
I gotta tell you girls... I feel alive!
Hey, would you mind stopping by the bank on the way to lunch?
We need to deposit our Social Security checks.
Oh, sure, but I get to choose where we go to lunch.
There's Cupcake Factory, Cupcake Factory Outlet,
California Pizza Dungeon, Hammy's Sammies,
Sammy's Hammies... they only do pork...
Taco Hell... Keep the car runnin'. Back in a jif.
Burger Thing, that new ironic restaurant in Silver Lake,
which is also what it's called.
Mr. Meat's Vegan Eats, The Money Hole,
Tramp, Slump, Turd.
I've always wanted to try Turd.
I could go for General Tso's Clam Shack... are y'all okay?
Floor it, Pearle!
[ Tires screech, sirens wail ]
What happened?! We just made a little withdrawal.
Y'all are bank robbers?!
Turn left up here!
[ Tires screech, siren wails ]
Everybody stay cool.
Morning, ladies.
Y'all coming from the Sixth Ninth Bank?
We... We're just headed to lunch, officer.
Could you help us?
Which way is the old senior buffet?
That bank was just robbed.
Did you ladies see anything suspicious?
No. Nope.
♪
Yeah...
Alright.
You ladies have a good lunch now.
The old senior buffet is just down the road,
near the crematorium. Thanks.
Maybe we should just skip lunch
and head straight to the crematorium.
[ Laughs ] Oh!
[ Laughs ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Coughs ]
I said it!
Only in America.
[ Sighs ]
I can't believe you hid this from me.
Listen, Pearle, everyone thinks we're useless.
Aren't you tired of being ignored?
Yes! But robbing banks?
We're not robbing.
We're taking what we deserve
for medical bills that insurance won't cover.
No one gets hurt.
And we get that rush.
What's this?
Your cut.
You okay, Ma?
Randy, baby, you ever find
that you have to do the wrong thing
in order to do something right?
Sure I do, Ma.
Just this morning, I was lifting weights in the garage,
and I accidentally dropped a dumbbell
on the hood of Josh's car.
Something good will probably ultimately
come out of that, right?
[ Cellphone rings ]
Hello? Pearle, it's Barb.
We've got something cooking.
Enough to fix your hip...
♪
...and buy that boy of yours a shirt.
♪
I'm in.
♪
Barb: The Werther's Originals armored truck
makes its quarterly deposit of caramel profits
at the Santa Monica First Pier Bank on Friday,
but we're going to hit it before it gets there.
♪
It's lunchtime, bitch.
♪
[ Chuckles ]
Hi, ma'am. Let me help you!
Touch me and you're dead!
♪
[ Brakes squeal ]
Ah, Jesus, we're gonna miss our light!
Aah! No!
What?
No, don't stop to blow up your hemorrhoid donut!
Aaaah!
♪
Are you sure you're up for this?
It's time to get what we deserve.
♪
Excuse me, young man,
but you have some schmutz on your face.
I-I do? It's lunchtime, bitch.
[ Groans ]
Back away!
♪
[ Groans ]
♪
[ Grunting ]
♪
[ Whistles ]
[ Sirens wailing ]
[ Tires screech ]
[ Dolphin chatters ]
[ Laughter ]
Feels good, doesn't it?
Like you're not a day over 51.
I can't let you go through with this, Barb.
I guess once a cop, always a cop, huh?
Well, I wasn't born yesterday.
I was born in 1937.
If you want to shoot me,
you're gonna need these.
I figured you wouldn't trust me,
so I called for backup.
♪
Freeze! You're under arrest!
♪
[ Dolphin chattering ]
Language, McTaggert, language!
Once a cop, always a cop.
[ Sirens wail ]
Alright then.
I guess you win.
♪
Listen, they'll send me away
for however much life I have left.
Before that happens,
let me feel the rush one more time.
♪
You let her go?!
No, I didn't.
We'll get her when she comes back in.
She's not coming back.
♪
Ultimate rush!
♪
Hey, Ma, got your text to pick you up.
Aren't you supposed to be at water aerobics?
I think I'm done with that class.
♪
Randy!
What?! I thought we were just chuckin' stuff into the ocean.