[ Laughing ]
[ Cellphone ringing, buzzing ]
[ Gasps ]
Hey, chica! You must be my roomie!
I'm Becca. What's your deal?
Where you from?
Hey, I'm Emil... [ Cellphone rings ]
Ugh, sorry, my ex Tucker won't stop calling.
He broke up with me because he wanted to...
Screw my professor. I mean, how dare she give me a C
just 'cause I fell asleep during the final?
I should just change my major to...
...doing cocaine in the bathroom,
and I'm like, "Really, mason?
You're railing lines on Christmas Eve?"
And he's like...
"Uh, those nudes aren't mine,"
and he accused me of snooping?
I mean, yes I...
stole his identity,
but Travor gave me chlamydia first, so, guess what, I...
...know that he had sex with my sister
and expects me to forgive him?
I mean you're so lucky you've never had to go
through pain like this.
Anyways, what's up with you, gal?
[ Breathing heavily ]
[ Screams ]
[ Cellphone ringing, buzzing ]
[ Sighs ]
Heyyyyyy, chica.
♪
Becca sucks. You hate seeing her.
Why don't you just cancel? I can't.
She's my oldest friend.
You're too nice.
Firm boundaries are the only way to make people respect you.
Hey Bridg... No.
See? You're right.
I'm going to cancel.
[ Cellphone keyboard clacking ]
[ Text messages chiming rapidly ]
We're meeting at 7:00. On her side of town.
She's short on cash, so I'm buying.
[ Sighs ]
Heeeey, bestie!
Ohmigod, I'm sorry I'm late,
I forgot you wanted to meet tonight.
But you called me.
Ugh, the new guy I'm dating?
Okay he's, like, crazy hot but such a dick.
He, like, expects me to worship him,
and I'm like, I... Fair's fair. No!
You know what? All men are trash.
So, I said to Luc,
it's, like, when will someone pay attention to me?
Like, when is it my turn?
Okay, look,
sometimes relationships become toxic and one-sided,
and then you need to set boundaries.
Stand up for yourself.
Say, "Enough is enough, Becca."
Or Rick. Or... what's his name?
Wow. It's Luc.
You should listen better.
But... that's actually great advice.
Thank you. Oh.
Um... You're welcome.
Okay, so, enough about me.
What's up with you, girl?
Dating anybody?
I'm... married.
You came to my wedding.
I don't think that's true.
Ugh.
So?
How'd it go with your BFF?
Pretty well, actually.
She let me talk a little.
I got some face time out of the way,
and now I won't have to see her for another couple years.
[ Doorbell rings ]
Becca? What are you doing here?
I did it.
I set boundaries and I broke up with Luc.
[ Sobbing ]
Why is my life so hard all the time?
Could I crash with you?
Just for the night?
Umm...
I wouldn't ask, except you're my best friend
and you're responsible for me
not having anywhere to sleep tonight.
But I can be homeless, if that's what you want...
No, no, o-of course you can stay.
Thank you so much.
Emily, can you grab my stuff?
Becca, you have been in there for three hours!
I need to shower!
Thank you so much. I would love an iced coffee.
Becca, you've been binging old seasons
of "Survivor" for three days.
Could I watch something?
Ooh, an iced coffee sounds yum. Theeenks.
H-Hang on. Where did all my stuff go?
An iced coffee with minimal ice would be perf. Theeenk you.
Okay, she's got to go.
She used all my lotions and serums,
and now my skin is barely glowing.
I like her.
She plays pretend with me.
Becca: Tiny Butler! [ Bell rings ]
Right away, ma'am!
I know she's your friend, but she's taking advantage
of your kindness.
Okay, fine, I'll tell her to leave.
[ Sighs ]
Hey, gal, can we talk about something?
That'll be all, Tiny Butler.
We have fun.
Listen, Becca...
Shut up for a second!
I'm pregnant!
What? I had breakup sex with Luc,
and now I'm gonna have his baby,
and I don't want to tell him!
I have no money,
but I'm just so thankful that I have you.
Anyways, what did you want to talk to me about?
Becca: Ouch! [ Gasps ]
Becca?
You kicked me out, so now I live in the trash.
I needed to set boundaries!
Oh, who would do this to their best friend?
You're a monster, Mommy!
Monster!
[ Gasps ]
[ Police sirens wail, guns cock ]
Looks like we got a monster here.
Better call in animal control.
[ Gasps ]
All: Monster! Monster!
Nothing! I had absolutely nothing to tell you.
Good, 'cause I really need today to be about me, y'know?
It's just a minor delay.
I'll help her find an apartment, and she'll be out
before she's too far along.
[ Yawns ] Good morning.
Whoa. Becca.
You got... very pregnant.
Overnight. I know.
He's growing so fast.
Ooh, he's kicking! Here, feel!
[ Growls ]
Whoa! What the f...
I have some follow-up questions about the birds and the bees.
Me, too. Let's get out of here.
Ooh, Jersh, while you're out, I'm having some major cravings.
Can you pick me up some locusts and goat ears
and, like, mm, some of the blood of the innocent?
Sure thing.
Theeenks.
Oh, and an iced coffee! Thenks.
This is nuts! I know.
I think I can get most of that stuff at the pet store,
but the blood of the innocent might be more of Costco thing.
[ Doorbell rings ] Becca: [ Gasps ] That's for me!
Guys, this is Hecate.
Hecate, this is Emily and Jersh and...
the rest.
Hecate's a friend of Luc's.
She offered to be my doula for the home birth.
D-Did you say home birth?
All my work has been building to this moment.
Cum venerit, et regnabis stridebo terroremque timuerunt.
[ Chuckles ] What's your friend's deal? She single?
Oh, God.
Oh. Effing morning sickness.
At least I made it to the trash can.
Like a lady.
That's my purse.
Hecate: [ Speaking Latin ]
Em, you need to kick her out.
[ Grunts ] You're right.
That bitch has got to go.
[ Gasps ] Her cellphone.
What are you doing?
"Hey, Luc.
I miss you, I was wrong, you're so hot, let's get back together.
XO Becca."
If they're together, she'll move back to his place!
[ Text message chimes ]
He says he'll be right over!
[ Thunder crashes ]
Oh, my God.
That's probably unrelated, right?
[ Screaming ]
He approaches.
Oh, yeahhhh!
Luc in the house.
Yo, Becca, get up, I'm hungry.
What the eff are you doing here?
Whoa, unh-uh, you summoned me.
You think I want to be here?
I'm supposed to be DJ-ing the Samsung pop-up at the galleria.
Unh, get it, get it, yeah.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
"Luc" as in "Lucifer"?
Her boyfriend is the devil?
Yeah, he sucks.
No, like, he's literally the devil.
Yeah, this guy's the worst.
I don't want to talk to you!
Bex, why you being such a binch?
Oh, snap, you on the rag?
Nasty!
No, idiot, I'm pregnant.
Whoa. Dope. That's hilarious.
I love you so freakin' much.
Yeah. Get it, get it.
It's working.
She's gonna move back in with him!
Everyone, I have an announcement.
Luc and I are getting back together.
[ Giggles ] Yes!
And he's gonna crash here, too.
What? No! He can't.
Who's this chick? She on the rag, too?
Oh, cycle sisters. Hot.
OMG, Emily, don't be so uptight.
He can sleep in my room.
You don't have a room!
Shut up, my water's breaking!
[ Gasping ] Come on!
[ Cackling ]
[ Gasps ]
Omnis mundus erit eius!
Here's some ice chips, sweetie.
A few more pushes...
Ohmigod, I can't do it!
Where's Luc?
So, I spin at the Burbank Tender Greens every other Tuesday.
You should check it out.
Isn't your girlfriend having your baby in the other room?
Heh. We don't do labels.
I've got those towels, Becca.
No, I want the good towels!
God, you're selfish.
Oh, I'm selfish?
Sophomore year, you made me cut my hair
because "our lengths were too matchy."
I'm the long-haired friend and you know it!
[ Thunder crashes ]
You borrowed all my clothes and never gave them back!
It's not my fault everything looks hotter on me!
You don't care about me.
You take no interest in my career,
my marriage, my daughter.
What daughter?
Gahhh!
That's it!
I want you out of my house, Becca.
And I want you out of my life!
You're such a freakin'...
beeehhhhhtch!
[ Baby crying ]
All: Awwwww.
[ Roars ]
Oh, my God. Ew! No!
Hell yeah. That's my baby.
[ Clears throat ] Well, I guess this is it.
Yeah, Luc and I are off to the bowels of Hell.
But, before I go, I need to say something.
I think we should hit pause on our friendship.
Yeah, I already told you that I...
No offense, but you're kind of toxic,
and I can't have negative energy around my baby.
[ Growls ]
I'm a mama now. You wouldn't understand.
For the last time, I have a child.
She's right here.
Ma'am.
Emily, that's Tiny Butler.
Don't be weird.
[ Dubstep music playing ]
Uh, honk, honk! Babe! Car! Let's go!
I can't wait!
Get in the car!
That's my guy.
You'll find one someday.
[ Inhales sharply ]
Go to hell, Becca.
I am.
You never li...
♪