♪♪
A serving wrench, just like in "Cable Guy".
[ Laughs ] Okay, okay. I'm going to say it.
Can I help you, my lords?
Does thou have a mug of ale for me and me mate?
[ Snorts ] Yeah, we like it.
We like it a lot. We like it a lot.
[ Laughing ]
Oh. More Jim Carrey fans. Delightful.
We're going to do this every year
for the rest of our lives, dude!
[ Laughing ]
♪♪
[ Laughing ]
My lords, welcome back.
Happy "Medieval Times-aversary".
Hey, real quick. Can I "ass" you a few questions?
[ Groans ]
[ Chuckles ] Did you read my short story?
Yeah, loved how short it was.
Oh, do you want to hear the most annoying sound in the world?
Eeeeeeeeh!
Down, down, down, the red knight is going down!
Come on, dude, Medieval-Times-aversary.
Uh, oh, uh, yeah, uh, down, down, down,
the red knight is going down, yep, cool.
Yeah! 15 years later, and we're still equally psyched.
Eeeeeeh!
♪♪
Emily: Josh, Candice is dabbing! Remember that?
Josh! La, la, la, la, la, la, la
Ugh, Can't get a moment's peace.
Good morrow, kind sir!
W-where's thine armor?
My armor? What? Why would I need that?
Dude, it's our Medieval-Times-aversary.
Uh, listen, I can't go today.
A literary agent said that he'd read "Future Viking 3030,"
and I want to send it to him by the end of the day.
Come on, man!
We've gone every year on this day since high school.
I know, but I need to hand this in.
Besides, I was hoping you'd read it.
You always give me really good feedback like,
"I love it. It's awesome,"
and, "Is there a king of books? It should be you, my liege!"
I'm not going to read that giant thing
on our Medieval-Times-aversary, but I am willing to pregame
by watching a double feature of this and this.
You know, that movie doesn't really hold up.
How dare you!
Also, Medieval Times is not historically accurate.
They serve tomato bisque soup with focaccia dippers.
It's how knights ate!
Josh, I love "focach", but it's not from medieval times!
Thine dippers are delicious,
and I shall dip them by mine self!
Oh, ugh, ugh.
Don't even think about helping me.
♪ Popcorn button on the microwave ♪
♪ How does it know how long it will take ♪
♪ There's so many brands ♪
♪ And there's so many kinds ♪
♪ How does it know to take just the right time ♪
♪ Old man looking in a barber shop ♪
♪ What would make you even stop ♪
♪ You're not bad-looking, and you're kind of buff ♪
♪ But if you walked in, what would they even cut ♪
♪ I want to have sex with Mr. Rogers ♪
♪ Not the one from TV, a different Mr. Rogers ♪
[ Cellphone clicking ]
[ Single clap ]
It's pretty cool these shows end so early now, huh?
Want to help me trim Candice's fingernails?
They're so tiny.
Ugh. What?
We have, like, an extra 30 minutes to hang out.
This isn't just hanging out to me, Em.
This is serious.
Look at Weird Al judging us.
We need to go to a cabin in the woods
and write songs like we used to.
I'd love that!
My December opens up a bit during winter break, or in 2032,
Candice goes off to college.
No, I meant this weekend, like, now!
Uh, n -- now?
Now!
We're never going to write anything
while you're here being a mombie.
I'm not a mombie.
Emily, party in the hills!
You want to go?
[ Exhausted ] Did you go poopy in your diapy?
In my defense, you did shit your pants at the party.
Pfft, and we haven't written a new song since.
Ugh, our Gotye parody is still relevant!
What are you doing?
[ Cellphone chimes ]
[ Gasps ] How'd you do that so fast?
I'm 26.
Interested, seriously?
I have a busy weekend.
Ugh!
In honor of your Medieval-Times-aversary,
mugs of grog for ye and ye mate.
Me mate is not here.
Why not? What happened?
I should've seen the signs.
We've been drifting apart.
All he cares about is his book and...
In honor of your Medieval-Times-aversary,
mugs of grog for ye and ye mate.
[ Gulping ]
Ugh, without Alex here,
this grog just tastes like horse pee.
He's onto us, Cletus! Switch to plan B!
♪♪
Get your brownies, piping hot and authentic
to the time period!
Ugh.
[ Glass shatters ]
♪♪
Oh, hey.
You hungry, boy?
[ Snarling ]
Man's best friend, unlike stupid Alex.
Who Alex?
Aah! Ugh!
♪♪
Me dog and boy.
Dude, that's awesome!
Dude!
Whoa, I cant believe you live in this van, so cool!
Me try to make it homey.
Me copied Dwell magazine.
Wow. Your owner must be pretty awesome.
Me owner opposite of awesome.
Me owner not awesome.
She once brilliant scientist,
but she play God, make human-animal hybrids!
She treated me like I was special
until she not like the way me act.
Woman: You think you're so smart, huh?
You think I can't clone another dog
that knows how to wear underpants?
Me only joy was watching Jim Carrey movies.
Me watched "The Mask" 300 times.
"Somebody stop me!"
It probably why I so well-adjusted.
Years pass.
I tried to improve, but nothing was good enough for her.
Your performance is an abomination!
I'll have to bury the project and bury you!
Me realize it time to go.
Me wants to be free, free to see the world,
free to make my own choices!
♪♪
Been on run ever since.
Well, I'm glad you're safe now.
Me never be safe.
Do all dog boys feel this alone?
I think you're the only dog boy.
Oh, all righty then.
♪♪
♪ Mock... ♪
♪ Yeah! ♪ ♪ ...ing... ♪
♪ Yeah! ♪
♪ ...bird! ♪
♪ Yeah! ♪
[ Both laugh ]
Ah, you really get me, Dog Boy.
Actually, me name Tory.
Yeah, I like Dog Boy.
How about DB? Nah, just Dog Boy.
Hmm, okay!
♪ A cabin in the woods is fun ♪
♪ Unless your friend doesn't show up ♪
♪ And you get killed by a drifter ♪
You got anything to rhyme with drifter
Ugh, I can't believe you brought your daughter.
[ Cellphone chimes ]
Pearl is hanging out with Candice,
and Josh is hanging out with some dog, so let's do this!
Yes!
We are going to write so many songs!
And I am totally going to focus!
[ Cellphone ringing ]
Mom Emily would answer that.
Musician Emily does not pick up.
[ Ringing continues ]
Uh, okay, just this once.
Hi, sweetie!
Yeah, you can watch a movie with Pearl.
Wait. Did you say "Training Day"?
Hold up. You're going in and out.
Ugh.
[ Game pad beeping ]
Hey, man. I know our whole Medieval Times thing
is still really important to you.
No, it's fine.
I met the coolest guy there, the coolest.
You went without me? I did, and it was smoking!
[ Doorbell rings ]
I don't meant to bother you, but I'm looking for a lost dog.
[ Gasps ]
Sorry. We haven't seen him.
Are you sure?
Nope, haven't seen him, uh, no dogs in the building!
Bye! That her! She must track van!
Jesus! What the hell is that?
Dog Boy isn't a that.
He's my new best friend.
It's stereotype that dog is man's best friend,
but in this case, it true.
Dog Boy got his degree online.
He's basically as smart as you.
University of Phoenix. Go, browsers!
Hey, boy.
You want to go check out some Jim Carrey landmarks?
Coast is clear, so this concludes our broadcast day.
Click. -How dare you?
Quoting "The Cable Guy" was our thing.
Come on, Dog Boy.
Let's go do more quotes in the van.
Fine!
Then I guess I'll uncancel all my meetings
with LA's top literary agents
who specialize in viking science fiction
for young adults.
[ Engine starts ]
A van with a dog's head?
Some people have no class.
I swear I've seen that van somewhere, from some cold case.
Mom, you're supposed to be retired from cop stuff!
Why can't you play mahjong like the rest of the old ladies?
Cold cases are my mahjong!
Hey, Candice. You want to catch a criminal?
[ Gasps ] Can I be a corrupt cop?
I want to be Denzel!
[ Laughs ] Go get my computer, Randy!
It's huge!
Just go get it!
You used to let me be Denzel.
To new best friends!
To new friends!
♪♪
What the hell! That thing ate my manuscript?
That's it!
Found your dog.
Meet me at -- Ugh.
Oh, good, you here!
Me love your book.
My book? But I thought you ripped it up?
Oh, no, me just rip up part
where Alexi die in space battle.
Alexi good character with much to live for.
Need him for next book.
You think there could be a sequel?
Sequel?
Me think FutureViking 3030 could be franchise.
Wow, that is a huge compliment.
Oh, no.
Phew, okay.
Me online professor said me had nose for pros
and other dogs' buttholes.
Ha! You, sir, are a delight!
Vis-a-vis, uh, sniffing on those buttholes, uh...
Hey, wasn't sure if you were more into pizza rolls
or dog chow, so I got both for toni--
What's going on here?
Oh, my friend here just gave me
some really thorough notes on my book.
It wasn't exactly, "You are the king of books, dude,"
but I found it insightful.
Oh, so now my feedback is too dumb for you?
Uh, excuse me, bros.
Dog Boy need to find a hydrant with his name on it.
What's your deal?
I'm just having a stimulating rap sesh with a fellow writer.
There's no way that you're hanging out with Dog Boy.
Dog-boy loves Medieval Times,
and you think you're better than that!
Oh, I think both me and Dog Boy --
[ Dog Boy barking, howling ]
Both: Dog-boy!
♪♪
Comic Sans?
I mean, an address?
Bridgette: We've got the sex. We've got the drugs.
Let's comedy rock 'n' roll!
Yeah, yeah, roll.
What are you doing?
-What? -Are you checking your phone?
What?! No!
Okay. I was, but look how cute Candice is being!
You think Weird Al checks his phone
during songwriting sessions?
No, he probably has a parody phone
like a banana or something, but who cares?
You checked your phone during your wedding.
And I'm not married anymore!
Come on! Let's focus!
Fine.
[ Birds chirping ]
I just want to post that.
Here, I'll show you a post!
Post up!
Mother --
Time to see who owns that damn van.
Mm, I got you now, Meredith Breedmore!
To protect the sheep, you got to catch the wolf,
and it takes a wolf to catch a wolf.
Now you say one of Ethan Hawke's lines.
No one knows his part!
Josh: So it wasn't enough for you to ruin one friendship.
You had to super-size it and make it a combo!
Ah, do you make any references past 1998?
You're like an old sweater that I've had in my closet forever,
and I can't throw it away because I feel bad for it.
Well, you're just like a fat bearded sweater
that used to be skinnier and without a beard.
Ugh, your metaphors are really terrible!
Good because I hate metaphors,
and I definitely know what those are.
I cannot believe you did that.
I can't believe you haven't focused on this band
since baby Yoko came along.
Well, then maybe I'm quitting the band!
Well, you quit the band a long time ago!
Um, e -- excuse me. Uh, is this your phone?
It hit me while I was posting a new song online.
[ Both gasp ]
America's only respected comedy songwriter...
Both: Weird Al Yankovic!
Hey, when I'm with my family, it's just Dad Al Yankovic.
This is insane!
We came to the woods to write a new comedy song.
Yeah, w -- w -- w -- well, we were supposed to.
I'm focused on it, but Emily doesn't seem to care.
I do care.
I think you can write songs and focus on your family.
And I think family gets in the way!
Who's right, Weird Al?
Oh, oh, okay. First of all, there are no sides.
There are so many ways to create a great piece of art.
No matter what I'm writing, whether it's "Eat It"
or "Amish Paradise,"
I always just try to be true to myself.
And after that, I sharpen a narwhal tusk,
puncture the heel of my left foot
and use the blood to summon the demon song god
Nishquantasi.
The demon song god?
Yeah!
[ Bear growls ]
Is that part of the process?
No, that's a bear.
Aah! I just wanted a Gotye parody!
Aah!
Oh, my God! That bear is mauling Weird Al!
Run!
Forsooth, halt!
I think that was English!
[ Animals screeching ]
What the hell?
Is that possum wearing sunglasses?
Great! Of course she took Dog Boy to an impenetrable fortress!
Game over, man, game over!
I'm coming for you, Dog Boy!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! What are you doing?
Aah!
Whah!
Both: Aah!
[ Dog Boy howls ]
Dog Boy?
Damn it! That was a very expensive door!
What are you doing to my friend?
You mean my friend, probably more mine than his.
Me miss you guys!
But you probably miss one more than the other.
Am I right, buddy?
Silence!
Dog Boy is my property.
You're interrupting my life's work.
Okay. What's your game, Meredith?
Are you trying to make furries even sexier?
My note -- Add more nips.
What? No! I'm trying to make this!
♪♪
What? Huh?
Both: Huh?
♪♪
You're making animal movies?
Audiences are sick of CG talking animals.
Practical effects are back in demand,
and I'm going to make a fortune off the backs of these hybrids.
She force me to act in these movies.
That's why I try to escape.
But wait. What about you saying you wanted to be free
to make your own choices?
Yeah, acting choices.
What about her testing your performance?
Oh, yeah, me not testing well among 18-to-34-year-olds.
So you weren't being tortured?
If you had to make sense of her terrible plots,
you'd feel tortured, too!
Bad dog! I know how to make you more obedient!
It's time for a special director's cut.
[ Gasps ] You're going to take his --
Yep, in order to make more dog boys,
I just need what's in his bean bags,
his danglies, his bing-bongs.
Oh, my God, lady, just say balls!
Not one step closer, gentleman!
♪♪
[ Alarm blaring ]
That squirrel kind of looks like Candice.
I really wasn't trying to compare Candice to Yoko.
She's a great kid.
I'm sorry I wasn't focused on our music, Bridge.
The truth is, I love the band,
but I couldn't give it everything you could.
I love you like a sister!
And I love you like a half-sister!
I just -- I have a sister already,
and I don't throw that stuff around easily.
[ Alarm blaring ]
[ Gasps ] They're going away.
We're not going to die!
Is that Josh and Alex!
Did that do anything?
Who cares? Just run!
Aah! Oh, geez!
[ Whimpers ]
Whoa!
Aah! Ah, no, no.
To be or not to be! Ugh!
[ Both grunt ]
Both: Huh?
That'll be quite enough, boys.
[ Electricity crackling ]
You sure this best way to neuter Dog Boy?
I'm sorry about not going to Medieval Times with you.
No, I'm sorry.
I was being a dick to you, but you know what?
We tried to save Dog Boy together.
Together.
Hey, man, you want to hear
the most annoying sound in the world?
Ugh, I do, man.
I do.
Eeeeeeh!
Eeeeeh!
[ Rumbling ]
Don't stop. It's working!
Both: Eeeeeeeeeeh!
Eeeeeh!
Guys! Guys! Ugh!
Best friends! Both: He's okay!
You two good team.
We're just happy you're okay, Dog Boy!
Meredith Breedmore, your day of reckoning has come!
No, I'm doing the world a service, better animal
acting, better -- Ugh!
I knew I seen that van before because nothing gets past me,
and now we finally got you
for these six unpaid parking tickets.
What about my animals?
What animals?
Take her away, boys.
Wait! Wait! Wait!
Aah! Aah! Oh! Fly higher!
BOTH: Bridgette? Emily?
We saw everything.
I think we might have an idea for a song.
Bridgette: This is a new song that we just wrote.
It goes out to our new friend, Dog Boy.
♪ Is he a dog ♪
♪ Is he a boy ♪
♪ He may be two things ♪
♪ But he's full of joy ♪
♪ He taught us love ♪
♪ And how to give ♪
♪ Shout-out to Weird Al ♪
♪ Who got killed by a bear ♪ Oh, come on!
♪ He brought us together ♪
♪ Despite ourselves ♪
♪ We'll go on ♪
♪ What are friends ♪
♪ Don't you hurt Dog Boy ♪
♪ Hurt Dog Boy no more ♪
Take it, Dog Boy!
♪ Ro, ro, ro, ro, ro, ro, ro, ro, ♪
♪ Ro, ro, ro, ro, ro, roo ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
All: Bye, Dog Boy!
All righty then.
All righty then!
Let me tell you something!
Are they okay, Mommy?
Yeah, sometimes old friends say stuff no one else gets.
But they're really weird, right?
So weird.
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪♪
♪ Won't you come see about me ♪
♪ I'll be alone dancing ♪
♪ You know it, baby ♪
♪ Tell me your troubles and doubts ♪
♪ Giving me everything inside and out and ♪
♪ Love is strange, so real in the dark ♪
♪♪
[ Both grunting ]