[static buzzing]
♪ retro upbeat music ♪
Safety. You can live without it,
but not for very long.
That's why we're here to give you everyday safety tips
for the most common emergencies.
Tonight, what to do if you find yourself
stranded on a giant Adirondack chair
in an open meadow...
with nobody around.
At first, you'll be asking yourself all kinds of questions.
For example, is this safe? Where did the chair come from?
Did ancient giants bring it here to worship it like Stonehenge?
[crash]
Why is it called a "henge" anyway?
But don't worry.
All you need is a saw,
sunblock, a map, a guitar,
the top-selling business book,
and a gallon jug of hair regrowth formula.
First, use the sunblock for sun protection.
♪ music continues ♪
You don't want the chair to get ruined by those harmful UV rays.
[farts]
Plus, you'll make it slippery enough to slide around on.
Ah!
[yelling]
This will be a good way to pass the time safely
as you wait for the hawks,
who like to hunt for lunch between 11:00 and 1:00.
Now's a good time to break out that saw
and build yourself a conference room table.
As the hawks swoop down to peck out your brains...
[screeching]
...bust out your guitar like the annoying guy on a college quad.
♪ Please refrain from pecking my brain ♪
♪ And have a seat 'cause we're not meat ♪
[chirps, squawks]
Then, simply use your knowledge
from chapter eight of the business book
Negotiating with Tactical Silence.
Bargain with the hawks by harnessing the power of
quiet intimidation.
[clock ticking]
[quiet squawking]
[annoyed squawks]
By saying nothing,
you're signaling your willingness to walk away.
[ticking continues]
Congratulations! The hawks have just agreed
to be your personal courier service for three years.
Weekends and holidays included.
The job starts today! [chirping]
YAKKO: Circle your location on the map
and add something to grab people's attention.
Then, use a string from your guitar to tie the map to a hawk
and have them drop it off in the big city. [squawks]
[screeching] WAKKO: All that's left to do now is wait.
♪
[animals chirping] [electric whirring]
Ah-ha! Some tech bros looking for an opportunity
to network with venture capitalists found the map!
Money party!
[tires screech]
Hey! Is Elon there?
It's the perfect time to deploy your hair regrowth formula.
[chugging]
♪ retro music continues ♪
[cheering]
I know what you're thinking.
How can we throw a money party without Bluegrass music?
Well, Dot, in any financial crisis,
it's important not to let anything go to waste.
That's where this empty jug comes in.
[rhtymic blowing]
♪ Bluegrass music ♪
[cheering]
Your guests are going to get sweaty from dancing and making it rain.
They'll probably want some water.
[cheering] And that's when you tell them
we're all stuck on a giant Adirondack chair,
and there's nothing to drink! [screaming]
DOT: Don't panic.
When you've got partygoers from the big city
who have money to throw around, and no sense of rhythm,
there's a good chance one of them is heir to a candy bar fortune.
He'll call his wealthy uncle for help.
YAKKO: Hooray! We're saved!
♪
Huh? [panicking]
[screaming]
Mm! DOT/YAKKO: Wakko, No!
[all screaming]
Tune in next time when we teach you what to do
when you wake up with a stiff neck,
so you can't see the meteor coming and-- [screaming]
Next time? We don't even know if there's gonna be a next time
because our show hasn't been renewed for more seasons yet.
But why?! I thought people liked us!
We're all about to die!
Well, that's a bit dramatic, but I know how you feel, sis.
Animaniacs brings laughter and hope
to so many across the globe.
So without it, yes, a little piece of all of us would die.
No. We're really all about to die.
♪ dramatic music ♪
Oh. Well, if that's the case,
we better think of a good way to end the show.
There's a lot of pressure on our last lines.
Ooh, I know! What about--
♪ upbeat retro music ♪
♪