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[static buzzing]
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♪ retro upbeat music ♪
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Safety. You can live without it,
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but not for very long.
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That's why we're here to give you
everyday safety tips
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for the most common emergencies.
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Tonight, what to do if you find yourself
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stranded on a giant Adirondack chair
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in an open meadow...
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with nobody around.
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At first, you'll be asking
yourself all kinds of questions.
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For example, is this safe?
Where did the chair come from?
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Did ancient giants bring it here
to worship it like Stonehenge?
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[crash]
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Why is it called a "henge" anyway?
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But don't worry.
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All you need is a saw,
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sunblock, a map, a guitar,
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the top-selling business book,
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and a gallon jug of hair regrowth formula.
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First, use the sunblock
for sun protection.
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♪ music continues ♪
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You don't want the chair to get ruined
by those harmful UV rays.
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[farts]
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Plus, you'll make it
slippery enough to slide around on.
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Ah!
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[yelling]
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This will be a good way
to pass the time safely
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as you wait for the hawks,
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who like to hunt for lunch
between 11:00 and 1:00.
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Now's a good time
to break out that saw
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and build yourself
a conference room table.
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As the hawks swoop down
to peck out your brains...
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[screeching]
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...bust out your guitar like
the annoying guy on a college quad.
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♪ Please refrain
from pecking my brain ♪
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♪ And have a seat
'cause we're not meat ♪
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[chirps, squawks]
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Then, simply use your knowledge
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from chapter eight of the business book
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Negotiating with Tactical Silence.
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Bargain with the hawks
by harnessing the power of
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quiet intimidation.
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[clock ticking]
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[quiet squawking]
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[annoyed squawks]
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By saying nothing,
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you're signaling
your willingness to walk away.
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[ticking continues]
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Congratulations!
The hawks have just agreed
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to be your personal courier service
for three years.
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Weekends and holidays included.
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The job starts today!
[chirping]
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YAKKO:
Circle your location on the map
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and add something
to grab people's attention.
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Then, use a string from your guitar
to tie the map to a hawk
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and have them drop it off in the big city.
[squawks]
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[screeching]
WAKKO: All that's left to do now is wait.
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♪
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[animals chirping]
[electric whirring]
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Ah-ha! Some tech bros
looking for an opportunity
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to network with venture capitalists
found the map!
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Money party!
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[tires screech]
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Hey! Is Elon there?
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It's the perfect time to deploy
your hair regrowth formula.
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[chugging]
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♪ retro music continues ♪
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[cheering]
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I know what you're thinking.
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How can we throw a money party
without Bluegrass music?
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Well, Dot, in any financial crisis,
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it's important not to let
anything go to waste.
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That's where this empty jug comes in.
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[rhtymic blowing]
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♪ Bluegrass music ♪
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[cheering]
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Your guests are going to get sweaty
from dancing and making it rain.
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They'll probably want some water.
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[cheering]
And that's when you tell them
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we're all stuck
on a giant Adirondack chair,
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and there's nothing to drink!
[screaming]
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DOT: Don't panic.
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When you've got
partygoers from the big city
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who have money to throw around,
and no sense of rhythm,
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there's a good chance one of them
is heir to a candy bar fortune.
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He'll call his wealthy uncle for help.
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YAKKO:
Hooray! We're saved!
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♪
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Huh? [panicking]
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[screaming]
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Mm!
DOT/YAKKO: Wakko, No!
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[all screaming]
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Tune in next time
when we teach you what to do
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when you wake up with a stiff neck,
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so you can't see the meteor coming and--
[screaming]
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Next time? We don't even know
if there's gonna be a next time
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because our show hasn't been
renewed for more seasons yet.
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But why?!
I thought people liked us!
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We're all about to die!
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Well, that's a bit dramatic,
but I know how you feel, sis.
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Animaniacs brings laughter and hope
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to so many across the globe.
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So without it, yes,
a little piece of all of us would die.
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No. We're really all about to die.
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♪ dramatic music ♪
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Oh. Well, if that's the case,
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we better think of a good way
to end the show.
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There's a lot of pressure
on our last lines.
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Ooh, I know! What about--
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♪ upbeat retro music ♪
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♪