1
00:00:08,920 --> 00:00:12,280
♪ WZRDKID (FT OLIVER TANK):
Cold Clocks
2
00:00:24,640 --> 00:00:26,960
WOMAN: Weren't no apartments
here back then.
3
00:00:29,080 --> 00:00:31,620
I seen that Indigenous lady
with her dog
4
00:00:31,720 --> 00:00:34,180
getting angry 'cause
it wouldn't eat its laksa.
5
00:00:34,280 --> 00:00:36,820
(LAUGHS)
Oh, imagine that!
6
00:00:36,920 --> 00:00:41,020
A little dog eatin' laksa!
7
00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:44,980
Yeah, I used to live with a dog.
Real junkyard mutt.
8
00:00:45,080 --> 00:00:46,900
AJ.
9
00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:49,620
I had a Bichon Frise growing up,
called Pickles.
10
00:00:49,720 --> 00:00:51,280
He ate a whole Domino's pizza
one day
11
00:00:51,360 --> 00:00:52,740
and gave himself diabetes.
12
00:00:52,840 --> 00:00:54,020
Glad I'm not a dog.
13
00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:56,340
Would've given myself
diabetes this morning.
14
00:00:56,440 --> 00:00:57,960
RADIO: Previously
on AJ & Sam...
15
00:00:58,040 --> 00:00:59,320
How do you feel about cheating?
16
00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:01,060
- Oh, can we turn this off?
- No, no, no!
17
00:01:01,160 --> 00:01:02,060
Do not listen to him.
18
00:01:02,160 --> 00:01:05,180
Do not listen to him! He is
just trying to ruin my rating.
19
00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:07,340
Oh, yes, she's nice to you
but as soon as I book one
20
00:01:07,440 --> 00:01:09,820
she's stealing all the lollies
and waters.
21
00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:12,140
WOMAN: Oh, you got
my five, love, trust me.
22
00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:14,016
AJ: (ON RADIO) But how do you
feel about cheating?
23
00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:17,100
Cheating like how - like
in a relationship, in Monopoly?
24
00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:19,016
Wait, wait, wait, how do you
cheat in Monopoly?
25
00:01:19,040 --> 00:01:21,060
I take $500 and I put it
under my butt
26
00:01:21,160 --> 00:01:22,460
every time I play.
27
00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:24,740
What? Dude, that's not
cheating, that's saving.
28
00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:25,900
Your butt is a bank!
29
00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:28,136
That's probably why it has
such low interest around here.
30
00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:31,300
- Hey, is that you?
- (RADIO BANTER CONTINUES)
31
00:01:31,400 --> 00:01:34,580
(DRIVER LAUGHS HEARTILY)
32
00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:38,700
Gee, I listen to you
all the time.
33
00:01:38,800 --> 00:01:43,420
This is gonna sound bad,
but I thought you were white.
34
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:45,340
RADIO: They don't know that!
35
00:01:45,440 --> 00:01:47,220
I can't fit money in my freezer,
36
00:01:47,320 --> 00:01:48,560
I got too many Zooper Doopers.
37
00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:49,360
(LAUGHTER ON RADIO)
38
00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:51,440
They're worth more than money.
39
00:02:35,560 --> 00:02:37,560
You need to move out.
40
00:02:54,320 --> 00:02:56,320
OK.
41
00:03:14,880 --> 00:03:17,680
(THEME MUSIC)
42
00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:29,440
(AJ GROANS)
43
00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:40,760
(WOMAN SIGHS)
44
00:03:57,400 --> 00:03:59,400
Poor effort.
45
00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:01,820
That's yours.
46
00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:05,200
You wanted two, for some reason.
You had a little song about it.
47
00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:08,480
Dammit!
48
00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:14,380
Oh, no, no, no, don't do that.
49
00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:15,980
There's... wasps.
50
00:04:16,080 --> 00:04:19,100
Oh, fuck. You're trapped.
51
00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:20,940
Yeah, they were probably
watching me
52
00:04:21,040 --> 00:04:22,220
fumble around last night.
53
00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:25,660
There are things I haven't done
in a while.
54
00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:27,760
It was fine.
55
00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:31,500
I can give you a lift home
if you want,
56
00:04:31,600 --> 00:04:35,500
but we're going to have to wait,
like, 15 hours.
57
00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:37,600
Bus is fine.
58
00:04:39,920 --> 00:04:41,920
Do you want some coins?
59
00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:46,160
Don't tell me I fucked
another busker?
60
00:04:49,840 --> 00:04:51,840
No.
61
00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:56,460
Well, I mean, do we hug
or something?
62
00:04:56,560 --> 00:04:57,900
Nah.
63
00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:00,620
I feel gross.
64
00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:04,640
Alright then, well... laters.
65
00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:15,520
Bye.
66
00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:25,440
Take off this stupid
fucking thing.
67
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:35,140
Oh-ho-ho!
68
00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:37,620
That bad, eh? Hm?
69
00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:39,460
- Ha!
- (GROANS)
70
00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:41,300
How did you know?
71
00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:43,700
Ah, 'cause of this.
72
00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:46,900
AJ: (ON PHONE) Yo, Sam!
Sam the man!
73
00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:48,300
Not gonna lie,
74
00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:50,700
Liv and everything's really been
fuckin' with me
75
00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:53,980
but I'm back, feelin' sweet!
76
00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:56,200
Let's make some radio magic,
baby, whoo!
77
00:05:58,840 --> 00:06:00,260
Yeah, you woke up Violet.
78
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,500
Like, three minutes
after Richard and I
79
00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:04,420
finally got her to sleep.
80
00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:06,420
He thinks you're
suppressing grief.
81
00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:09,000
I'm suppressing nuggets.
82
00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:13,940
Alright, ten seconds.
83
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:15,940
(STATION THEME MUSIC)
Fade FM!
84
00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:18,060
You're listening to AJ & Sam,
85
00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:20,460
every morning from 6:00
on Fade FM.
86
00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:21,780
Eh, what is up,
87
00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:24,300
AJ & Sam here, Fade FM,
it's a Monday morning.
88
00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:25,300
It IS a Monday
89
00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:27,860
and welcome to you
if you're just joining us!
90
00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:29,820
- What a Monday!
- What a Monday!
91
00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:31,900
Bloody Monday.
Gets a bad rap, Monday.
92
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:34,180
Well, 'cause of Garfield,
mostly.
93
00:06:34,280 --> 00:06:36,380
He hates 'em. He hates 'em.
94
00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:39,340
(BIRDS CHIRP)
95
00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:41,700
(MUSIC PLAYS FAINTLY)
96
00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:44,420
Hey, looks like your stalker,
Dog Murphy,
97
00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:46,580
is back on the text line.
98
00:06:46,680 --> 00:06:47,740
Fuck that guy.
99
00:06:47,840 --> 00:06:51,180
100 bucks says he hasn't even
had fingers in before.
100
00:06:51,280 --> 00:06:53,016
He wants to know if you know
what's gonna happen
101
00:06:53,040 --> 00:06:53,820
on November 24
102
00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:57,180
because, quote, "Your head
looks like a crystal ball."
103
00:06:57,280 --> 00:07:00,100
- (SAM LAUGHS)
- Fuck that!
104
00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:03,940
Man, this is bullshit! How come
no-one ever makes fun of you?
105
00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:06,940
- 'Cause I'm likeable.
- And you got so much hair.
106
00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:10,380
I'm sick of wearing hats.
It's just bald man make-up.
107
00:07:10,480 --> 00:07:12,460
Alright, 30 seconds.
108
00:07:12,560 --> 00:07:15,960
Hey, AJ, who's... who's Spring?
109
00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:18,260
What?
110
00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:22,740
"Hey, Sam, ask AJ about pissing
the bed last night."
111
00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:25,580
Then she's done like a tongue
sticky-outy emoji.
112
00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:28,420
Oh, my God, no!
113
00:07:28,520 --> 00:07:30,020
No, no!
114
00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:32,220
- Let's talk about it on air!
- No!
115
00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:35,260
No, no, I swear to God,
please don't, I can't do this,
116
00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:36,820
I can't handle it.
117
00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:38,140
(TURNS ON MIC)
118
00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:42,580
Oh, Let's Talk About It,
Amy Wade, on Fade FM,
119
00:07:42,680 --> 00:07:44,820
with Sam & AJ.
120
00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:49,100
And, AJ, I want to ask you
about a very interesting text...
121
00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:51,620
- Someone pissed my bed.
- Someone.
122
00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:56,900
Yes, someone that is not me
pissed all over my bed.
123
00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:59,180
- Ugh.
- That's not the worst thing.
124
00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:01,780
The worst thing is that it's
my ex-girlfriend's mattress.
125
00:08:01,880 --> 00:08:04,620
It's your ex-girlfriend's
matt... Oh.
126
00:08:04,720 --> 00:08:08,220
Dude, trust me, I am
in hot water at the moment.
127
00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:11,760
You're in warm piss, is what
you're in. You're covered in it.
128
00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:29,140
(GRUNTS)
129
00:08:29,240 --> 00:08:30,140
(SIGHS)
130
00:08:30,240 --> 00:08:33,020
Did you even have sex
last night?
131
00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:34,980
Why are you guys still here?
132
00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:37,600
I heard you shushing her
a lot. You shouldn't do that.
133
00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:41,340
That doesn't count as outside,
Stevie.
134
00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:43,440
Whatever.
135
00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:46,100
You need one of these.
136
00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:49,900
(BABYISH VOICE) Hey?
Is this what you need?
137
00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:51,940
Do you want one of these?
138
00:08:52,040 --> 00:08:55,860
Oh, eat me, please. Come on.
139
00:08:55,960 --> 00:08:59,420
Little baby go to Daddy.
140
00:08:59,520 --> 00:09:01,420
Oh, pwease.
141
00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:03,560
Nah? Nothing?
142
00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:06,960
Whoopsie.
143
00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:09,900
Ooh, you should drink
more water.
144
00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:12,420
No, it's not mine.
145
00:09:12,520 --> 00:09:15,100
Sure. You should probably
still drink more water, though.
146
00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:17,520
You've been looking quite dry.
147
00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:21,016
I met this young nugget
at The Roxie one night,
148
00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:23,300
about seven dingers deep,
proper busted.
149
00:09:23,400 --> 00:09:25,100
He was, like,
gurning his jaw off.
150
00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:26,360
We were on the dance floor
151
00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:29,180
and I swear this grom needs
his fuckin' Mummy or some shit
152
00:09:29,280 --> 00:09:31,220
'cause he started huggin' me,
pullin' me in,
153
00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:32,440
face pressed into my chest.
154
00:09:32,520 --> 00:09:35,260
Turns out this little fuck's
been chewing a glow stick.
155
00:09:35,360 --> 00:09:37,540
It exploded all over my chest.
156
00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:39,080
That poor cunt had to go
to hospital
157
00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:40,420
'cause he started havin' a fit.
158
00:09:40,520 --> 00:09:42,856
But you should've seen it, man,
bright yellow shit everywhere,
159
00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:44,880
fuckin' full ruined my T-shirt.
160
00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:49,380
You should chuck some vinegar
in that bowl, bro.
161
00:09:49,480 --> 00:09:52,420
Trust me. When you sling gear
and drive Uber
162
00:09:52,520 --> 00:09:54,520
you get pretty used to
cunts pissin' themselves.
163
00:09:57,360 --> 00:09:59,360
What day is it?
164
00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:11,320
(KNOCKS)
165
00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:23,520
Well, at least you're not low
on vitamin B.
166
00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:26,220
It's not mine, OK?
167
00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:29,200
When have I ever,
ever pissed the bed?
168
00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:36,180
- No.
- Oh, oh, oh... Oh!
169
00:10:36,280 --> 00:10:40,700
No! No, no, no, no.
No. You dropped the joint.
170
00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:42,176
You're lucky I'd had
ten beers that night,
171
00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:44,740
otherwise this whole place
would've fucking burnt down.
172
00:10:44,840 --> 00:10:48,400
Oh, I reckon you were wanting
to do that for quite some time.
173
00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:06,180
Look, if it's not your pee, then
I need to get a new mattress.
174
00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:08,280
So just admit it.
175
00:11:18,560 --> 00:11:21,460
Of all the times
to be self-righteous
176
00:11:21,560 --> 00:11:24,020
you had to choose my one
day-bender this week.
177
00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:25,660
- Thanks, mate.
- Whatever.
178
00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:29,180
Oi, who's going to live
in Henry's room?
179
00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:31,820
I mean the spare room.
180
00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:33,700
Probably someone
who can afford it.
181
00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:35,860
(SNORTS) You don't know
what I can afford,
182
00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:37,260
thank you very much.
183
00:11:37,360 --> 00:11:41,180
(GASPS) This looks good!
Oh, yeah, sick!
184
00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:44,260
(GROANS ECSTATICALLY)
185
00:11:44,360 --> 00:11:48,340
- AJ, I've made a huge mistake.
- What, with Dezzy?
186
00:11:48,440 --> 00:11:50,420
Why did I sleep with my dealer?
187
00:11:50,520 --> 00:11:53,380
- Thought you said it was good.
- But he's obsessed with me now.
188
00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:57,700
And, like, last night,
he kept counting his thrusts,
189
00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:00,820
like, he'd get to 15
and then he'd start again.
190
00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:02,620
- Like he was doing reps?
- Yeah.
191
00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:05,900
It's like my rig was his gym
for the eve-... Hey.
192
00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:09,020
Sorry, guys, but you wouldn't
wear shoes in bed at home,
193
00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:11,080
so please don't do it
with our quality mattresses.
194
00:12:11,160 --> 00:12:15,100
(HIGH VOICE) Ooh! You're
a bossy little man, aren't you?
195
00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:16,980
- Come on, up you get.
- Aren't you bossy?
196
00:12:17,080 --> 00:12:20,380
Come on, sister.
Sit on down there. Come on.
197
00:12:20,480 --> 00:12:22,660
Alright, mate. OK. OK.
198
00:12:22,760 --> 00:12:26,660
Um, so which one of these
do you sleep on, fine sir?
199
00:12:26,760 --> 00:12:29,100
To be honest, I'm more
of a couch man myself.
200
00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:32,180
- Right. Like a sofa bed.
- A sofa bed! That's a good one.
201
00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:34,620
You mention sofa bed
in any decent couch forum
202
00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:36,940
and you'll get absolutely
ripped apart.
203
00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:38,620
I mean RIP, in pieces.
204
00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:41,380
Really? I always imagined
the couch community
205
00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:43,340
would be quite laid-back.
206
00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:44,540
They're not.
207
00:12:44,640 --> 00:12:47,860
I've got a real sweet 3-seater,
old-school vinyl.
208
00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:50,040
You've got to peel your face
off it on a hot morning
209
00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:51,620
but other than that
it's perfect.
210
00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:54,020
And did you know
they're safer too,
211
00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:56,060
'cause there's only one side
you can fall off?
212
00:12:56,160 --> 00:12:59,900
450 people die in the US
falling out of beds every year.
213
00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:02,500
If all those people had slept
on couches
214
00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:04,260
half of them would've lived.
215
00:13:04,360 --> 00:13:06,800
Those maths don't add up but go
with it, you know what I mean.
216
00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:10,340
Seriously, man, can you imagine
what it would be like
217
00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:16,340
living together, just like
bezzies, just on it, 24-sevs.
218
00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:19,300
- How do you have sex?
- I've got an OK personality.
219
00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:22,380
- (STEVIE GIGGLES)
- On a couch (!)
220
00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:25,140
Oh! With one person?
Oh, well, it's just like a bed.
221
00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:27,620
But for four or five people
you're gonna need a mattress,
222
00:13:27,720 --> 00:13:29,096
if you two are into
that kind of thing,
223
00:13:29,120 --> 00:13:30,660
in which case
I knock off at 5:00.
224
00:13:30,760 --> 00:13:33,100
- What? Fuck, no!
- No, God, no!
225
00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:35,500
- No, no, no, that's not... Nah.
- No.
226
00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:37,620
So this is for his ex-girlfriend
227
00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:39,700
because AJ's pissed
on her mattress
228
00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:41,580
or some random dude, who knows?
229
00:13:41,680 --> 00:13:43,740
- It was probably him.
- It wasn't me.
230
00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:46,140
Anyway, so now she's all like,
"Ugh, get me a new one,
231
00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:47,520
"even though I cheated
on you..."
232
00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:49,700
- Stevie!
- Yep?
233
00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:51,220
Your ex? Fuck that, man!
234
00:13:51,320 --> 00:13:53,940
I got an old burner back home.
I'll bring it in for you.
235
00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:55,880
- 150 bucks and it's yours.
- (PHONE PLAYS RAP)
236
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:58,580
Money now and you can take it
whenever you like, done, dusted.
237
00:13:58,680 --> 00:14:01,800
Oi, I got Dezzy's phone. Shit!
238
00:14:03,280 --> 00:14:07,100
(RAPS) On it. On it.
24-sevs we on it, mm!
239
00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:09,380
Livin' in hevs we on it, mm!
240
00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:11,060
Drinkin' them bevs we on it, mm!
241
00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:13,240
Chicken Kievs, on it, mm.
242
00:14:17,720 --> 00:14:20,500
Henry's in there.
243
00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:23,520
You kidding? Who's he with?
244
00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:27,480
Ah, like, everyone.
245
00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:31,860
Fuckin' dolma!
246
00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:34,140
Typical fucking Henry.
247
00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:36,240
Let's go.
248
00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:39,540
Man, that place sucks, anyway.
249
00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:42,900
All the bartenders wear, like,
stupid little hats and vests.
250
00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:44,260
It's like, I want a beer,
251
00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:46,820
not fucking tap-dancing lessons.
Dickheads.
252
00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:51,460
(PHONE PLAYS RAP) God,
Slampiece #3's calling again.
253
00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:55,020
I mean, can you imagine?
It's so embarrassing!
254
00:14:55,120 --> 00:14:57,660
I need something
on the bright side, you know?
255
00:14:57,760 --> 00:15:01,260
I mean, I'm single again,
I got a good job,
256
00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:04,180
my own place... that I rent.
257
00:15:04,280 --> 00:15:05,856
I don't think you should
live alone, bro.
258
00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:07,940
I'm worried you're going to
take up pottery.
259
00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:10,460
This place is alright.
You know what I mean?
260
00:15:10,560 --> 00:15:14,500
I mean, there's beers
and there's fucking old people
261
00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:17,580
who can tell me
how life used to be.
262
00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:19,600
And there's nuts. The old
place didn't have nuts.
263
00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:20,936
- They didn't have nuts.
- You know?
264
00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:22,860
I mean, it's alright,
everything's pretty good.
265
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:24,960
I don't know why I've been
so scared.
266
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:33,720
You fucking bitch.
You spiked my drink.
267
00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:38,140
- Whaa!
- You fucking bitch! Stevie!
268
00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:40,740
I just wanted you to
feel happy, AJ, hey?
269
00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:43,016
- I'm trying to rebuild my life!
- Can you just calm down?
270
00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:45,260
Like, it was half,
it's a sharpener.
271
00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:47,540
(PHONE PLAYS RAP) Oh, my God,
Slampiece #3.
272
00:15:47,640 --> 00:15:49,140
I'm gonna... I'm gonna answer.
273
00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:51,240
What did you do
with the other half?
274
00:15:52,320 --> 00:15:54,300
- (CLEARS THROAT)
- Stevie!
275
00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:57,340
- I've gotta work tomorrow!
- Sh-sh-sh!
276
00:15:57,440 --> 00:15:59,660
(BROAD AUSSIE ACCENT)
Hello, this is Derek's mother.
277
00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:01,760
What have you been doing
to my son?
278
00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:05,420
Oh.
279
00:16:05,520 --> 00:16:07,340
Oh, hey, yeah.
280
00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:09,860
No, I was just kidding.
It was a joke.
281
00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:11,500
Yep.
282
00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:13,920
Nah, we're at the bowlo.
See you then. Bye.
283
00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:19,880
That was Dezzy. He's actually
calling from my phone.
284
00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:23,560
Fuck.
285
00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:27,580
- You're Slampiece #3!
- No.
286
00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:30,420
Well, if he's really into you
287
00:16:30,520 --> 00:16:33,500
then he must love
Slampieces #1 and #2.
288
00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:35,420
- Shut up.
- (LAUGHS)
289
00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:36,520
Shut up.
290
00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:38,600
Maybe they're
his mum and sister.
291
00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:50,920
Oi. Dezzy's bringing
more stuff.
292
00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:54,460
Will that not send
the wrong message?
293
00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:59,140
Nah. Letting him put it in me
sent the wrong message.
294
00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:01,860
- This is purely business.
- Oh.
295
00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:05,460
- Get the fuck out of here!
- What, what?
296
00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:08,460
No, this whole day's been
about you.
297
00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:09,380
Should I say hi?
298
00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:12,100
Well, yeah.
Don't be so autistic.
299
00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:14,800
You slept together once. She's
not going to marry you. Go on.
300
00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:18,600
(HUMS)
301
00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:23,820
Hi.
302
00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:31,020
Wow. Um, OK, look, I know you
haven't done this for a while
303
00:17:31,120 --> 00:17:34,500
but turning up to
somebody's work the day after
304
00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:35,900
is sort of a big no-no.
305
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:39,520
(CHUCKLES) Did she
tell you I'm a busker?
306
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:45,140
No, I just said we had
a... big night.
307
00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:47,740
Ah. Oh.
308
00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:49,300
Oh-oh!
309
00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:52,540
Well. You know,
I don't care if you don't.
310
00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:57,080
- Why would I care?
- Well, you know, obviously...
311
00:17:58,520 --> 00:18:00,960
Yeah, exactly. Obviously.
312
00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:05,140
Wait, what do YOU mean,
'obviously'?
313
00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:06,660
Hey, mate,
314
00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:09,700
some bro dropped these off for
you this morning after you left.
315
00:18:09,800 --> 00:18:11,980
- Herman? Heinrich?
- Henry.
316
00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:15,500
What do YOU mean, 'obviously'?
You pissed the bed.
317
00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:21,060
(SNORTS) What? Noooo. I would
never piss the bed, alright,
318
00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:22,700
unless I was saving
someone's life.
319
00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:24,180
- Was Liv there?
- I don't know.
320
00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:26,700
He's put 'em in the letterbox,
being a suss cunt.
321
00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:29,340
I know your head.
Have we, ah...?
322
00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:31,016
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, you saw her
this morning,
323
00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:34,220
creeping out of my house after
she pissed all over my mattress.
324
00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:36,260
Oi, you got some nerve, mister.
325
00:18:36,360 --> 00:18:37,420
- Oh, hey, babe.
- Hi.
326
00:18:37,520 --> 00:18:41,020
Are you joking? Your side
of the bed was saturated.
327
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,980
(AJ SPLUTTERS) There was
more liquid on my side
328
00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:46,900
because I'm bigger than you,
and so while you were pissing,
329
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:50,540
it was going into the ravine
created by my hugeness.
330
00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:54,020
Hey, mate, it's totally fine.
Like, don't need to apologise.
331
00:18:54,120 --> 00:18:56,860
I'm sleeping with
lots of people too.
332
00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:58,940
No, I just need some cash
for the gear.
333
00:18:59,040 --> 00:19:02,420
- Huh? What about last night?
- Whaddya mean? This is my job.
334
00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:03,936
I haven't asked you
for a free haircut
335
00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:05,820
or whatever the fuck
you do for a living.
336
00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:07,260
OK, mate, I don't cut hair, one.
337
00:19:07,360 --> 00:19:08,900
AJ, I need money. ATM.
338
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:10,340
The patch was huge.
339
00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:12,980
It was like I woke up
in an infinity pool.
340
00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:16,680
Ah, it was definitely you.
341
00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:27,940
Um, that's not gonna happen.
342
00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:30,460
No, it's fine. Here.
343
00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:32,620
Chuck some clothes on.
344
00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:35,020
I'm not a bikie!
345
00:19:35,120 --> 00:19:37,680
OK. We can go downstairs.
346
00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:41,260
You know what?
347
00:19:41,360 --> 00:19:43,820
We can go downstairs
348
00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:47,680
as long as you admit you pissed
all over that mattress.
349
00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:04,560
(ALARM CLOCK BUZZES)
350
00:20:22,760 --> 00:20:26,480
(MUSIC PLAYS
ON SOUNDTRACK)
351
00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:34,160
You're listening to Fade FM
with Sam & AJ.
352
00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:36,460
And that is why we are
353
00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:40,600
Australia's 11th best-paid
radio duo under 35.
354
00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:45,680
Urrgh. Blue sucks.
355
00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:48,760
Swish.
356
00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:56,520
Hey, Dad.
357
00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:03,380
Just make sure there are
no accidents this time.
358
00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:04,820
How about you make sure
359
00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:06,576
there's no untied crabs
in the front this time?
360
00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:09,120
Getting nipped
is a part of life.
361
00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:13,580
Oh, no. Can you drive, please?
362
00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:15,680
No, you drive.
363
00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:20,200
I'm not entirely sure
that I'm sober.
364
00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:23,560
Me either.
365
00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:35,880
What was wrong
with your old mattress?
366
00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:41,200
- Hm? Nothing.
- Oh.
367
00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:46,520
AJ, what's going on?
368
00:21:49,360 --> 00:21:53,560
It's for... Liv. OK?
369
00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:05,860
What? No.
370
00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:10,220
- It's for snoring.
- Yeah. You snore. Not me.
371
00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:13,160
Then why is she sleeping
in the spare room?
372
00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:19,780
She's not sleeping
in the same house, Dad.
373
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:22,380
What did you do?
374
00:22:22,480 --> 00:22:24,020
What did I do?
375
00:22:24,120 --> 00:22:26,980
My only crime was
that I loved her too much.
376
00:22:27,080 --> 00:22:29,340
Come on!
377
00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:33,460
What would make the two of you
throw away ten years?
378
00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:35,500
Is it your friend?
379
00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:39,920
Stevie? God, no. No! Yuck!
380
00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:53,680
(SNIFFS DEEPLY)
381
00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:00,920
(SNORTS)
382
00:23:07,120 --> 00:23:09,380
Hey, guys.
383
00:23:09,480 --> 00:23:11,560
Do you want help loading it
into the back?
384
00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:20,980
Oh. Um...
385
00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:27,540
Nah, because we've actually come
here to let you know in person
386
00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:29,820
that we don't need it anymore.
387
00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:31,260
Oh, come on, man.
388
00:23:31,360 --> 00:23:33,540
It's no 3-seater,
but it's still a great sleeper.
389
00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:36,060
Yeah, um...
390
00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:37,220
Nah.
391
00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:41,940
Sorry, but I'll just grab
the 150 bucks back if poss.
392
00:23:42,040 --> 00:23:44,660
Nah, go on. I'll chuck in
some pillows too.
393
00:23:44,760 --> 00:23:46,660
What do you say? Sweet deal?
394
00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:48,740
Oh.
395
00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:49,860
What?
396
00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:51,900
What? Who's this?
397
00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:55,500
Dad. Please.
398
00:23:55,600 --> 00:23:57,860
What? You right?
399
00:23:57,960 --> 00:23:59,960
- Jesus.
- What are you doing?
400
00:24:04,120 --> 00:24:06,100
You are a dentist, Dad.
401
00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:08,540
You can't give random
dermatological advice
402
00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:09,660
to strangers.
403
00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:11,200
He looked like he was
about to cry.
404
00:24:11,280 --> 00:24:13,300
You'll need to disinfect
the mattress.
405
00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:15,400
Yeah, I know!
406
00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:18,880
Hm.
407
00:24:23,800 --> 00:24:26,200
It's not going to be
any grosser than this.
408
00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:44,180
How did you get in here?
409
00:24:44,280 --> 00:24:48,220
What? Don't you start!
I'm exhausted.
410
00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:49,940
We went to get some money out
411
00:24:50,040 --> 00:24:52,900
and suddenly Dezzy thinks
we're being followed
412
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:54,300
so we drove around for hours.
413
00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:55,860
I got so hungry
414
00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:58,600
I ate two of the pizzas
he was supposed to deliver.
415
00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:03,040
Oi, watch out for your piss.
416
00:25:05,120 --> 00:25:07,200
(AJ GROANS)
417
00:25:08,600 --> 00:25:10,600
(SIGHS DEEPLY)
418
00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:14,580
This has to stop, Stevie.
419
00:25:14,680 --> 00:25:16,380
(SIGHS) Alright.
420
00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:19,180
I don't know if my body
can handle it.
421
00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:20,660
Yeah, but if we drink more now
422
00:25:20,760 --> 00:25:23,300
we won't be tempted
during the week.
423
00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:26,260
We?
424
00:25:26,360 --> 00:25:29,180
Yeah, I'm gonna stay here
for a bit.
425
00:25:29,280 --> 00:25:31,440
You need me right now.
426
00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:40,840
(BURPS)
427
00:25:52,240 --> 00:25:55,020
I thought Tuesday night beers
was a worldwide thing
428
00:25:55,120 --> 00:25:58,460
but my flatmates were horrified
when I first suggested it.
429
00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:01,460
I would probably move out.
430
00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:03,980
I steal all their
expensive shampoo though
431
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:06,080
so it is all good.
432
00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:11,020
I have mattresses in there
433
00:26:11,120 --> 00:26:14,160
for you to choose from.
Oh, yeah, I know.
434
00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:16,300
One has stranger's piss on it
435
00:26:16,400 --> 00:26:19,620
and the other one is
cheap and secondhand.
436
00:26:19,720 --> 00:26:24,620
Yeah. It's... my... piss.
437
00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:26,900
- ( LIV LAUGHS)
- I think. I think.
438
00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:28,820
Butter chicken for Stevie?
439
00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:30,860
I thought I would die
before I heard you...
440
00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:33,860
No fucking way! Sam!
441
00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:37,340
No, wait, AJ, AJ. Dude, can
I get a selfie with you, man?
442
00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:39,376
I'm on this group chat.
The boys won't believe me.
443
00:26:39,400 --> 00:26:40,500
(MAN'S VOICE FADES OUT)
444
00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:43,300
The stranger's couch I'm on
is pretty comfortable
445
00:26:43,400 --> 00:26:45,660
and I'm only gonna stay there
for a few months
446
00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:47,940
before I move home.
447
00:26:48,040 --> 00:26:50,040
AJ, AJ!
448
00:26:51,240 --> 00:26:54,500
Oh. Sorry, man.
449
00:26:54,600 --> 00:26:59,340
I just left it there.
Sorry. Goddamn it!
450
00:26:59,440 --> 00:27:01,520
He's gone.
451
00:27:04,120 --> 00:27:06,120
Home.
452
00:27:07,200 --> 00:27:09,200
As in home, home?
453
00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:12,640
Yeah.
454
00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:16,240
Does that mean you still listen?
455
00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:20,500
It's the first time
I heard you call me
456
00:27:20,600 --> 00:27:22,920
your ex-girlfriend on air.
457
00:27:25,400 --> 00:27:27,400
Feels kind of real now.
458
00:27:28,480 --> 00:27:30,480
Hey, I'm gonna start
the book again.
459
00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:32,860
- Really?
- Mm-hm.
460
00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:34,340
That's awesome.
461
00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:36,900
And I have this new idea
for a restaurant.
462
00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:40,640
It's a sushi train
but with sandwiches.
463
00:27:43,120 --> 00:27:45,020
You're gonna be fucking rich.
464
00:27:45,120 --> 00:27:47,120
Mm.
465
00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:55,780
Oops.
466
00:27:55,880 --> 00:27:57,700
Oi!
467
00:27:57,800 --> 00:27:59,800
Put that...
468
00:28:04,960 --> 00:28:06,960
(GRUNTS)
469
00:28:57,480 --> 00:29:01,780
♪ All that badonk donk
in your trunk trunk, I know
470
00:29:01,880 --> 00:29:06,780
♪ He move too fast, girl,
and you need it slow
471
00:29:06,880 --> 00:29:11,220
♪ You need that time, girl,
that real time for you
472
00:29:11,320 --> 00:29:12,380
♪ Ohhhh
473
00:29:12,480 --> 00:29:16,520
♪ I got that time, girl,
that real time, I do... ♪