1
00:01:09,904 --> 00:01:12,073
(PLAYING VIDEO GAME ON PHONE)

2
00:01:18,246 --> 00:01:19,706
(ALARM BUZZING)

3
00:01:24,919 --> 00:01:27,130
(MONKEY SCREECHING
ON CELL PHONE)

4
00:01:29,591 --> 00:01:31,134
Oh, bollocks.

5
00:01:35,764 --> 00:01:36,806
We've got a problem.

6
00:01:36,931 --> 00:01:39,476
A cyber attack?
Yes, Prime Minister.

7
00:01:39,559 --> 00:01:42,479
(SCOFFS) Took me
two bottles of wine

8
00:01:42,562 --> 00:01:45,398
and half a packet of sleeping
pills to finally nod off.

9
00:01:45,523 --> 00:01:50,028
And you wake me because some fat-fingered
hacker's pinched your PIN number?

10
00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:51,922
Well, it's a little more serious than that,
Prime Minister.

11
00:01:51,946 --> 00:01:53,865
Hmm?
The identities of every one

12
00:01:53,948 --> 00:01:55,950
of our serving agents
have been exposed.

13
00:01:56,951 --> 00:01:57,994
What?

14
00:01:58,119 --> 00:02:00,121
Who's doing this?
We're not sure, ma'am.

15
00:02:00,246 --> 00:02:03,041
So one week before I host
my first G12 Summit,

16
00:02:03,124 --> 00:02:05,335
Britain's entire security
apparatus has been taken down

17
00:02:05,460 --> 00:02:06,836
and you know
absolutely nothing?

18
00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:09,672
That does pretty much sums up
the situation, ma'am, yes.

19
00:02:09,798 --> 00:02:11,734
Well, you better get someone on
it and find me some answers!

20
00:02:11,758 --> 00:02:14,028
Yes, but that's the problem.
We don't have any agents left.

21
00:02:14,052 --> 00:02:15,094
They've all been outed.

22
00:02:15,345 --> 00:02:17,597
So bring back an old one!

23
00:02:18,973 --> 00:02:21,643
(PANTING)

24
00:02:31,402 --> 00:02:35,490
All units, this is Juliet Echo.
Stand by for target coordinates.

25
00:02:37,992 --> 00:02:41,996
Target acquired.
Repeat, target acquired.

26
00:02:57,095 --> 00:02:58,346
(YELPS)

27
00:03:00,014 --> 00:03:02,809
Now then, what have we here?

28
00:03:03,977 --> 00:03:05,019
(EXHALES)

29
00:03:05,103 --> 00:03:06,229
Sorry, sir.

30
00:03:06,396 --> 00:03:07,981
Never mind, Baggaley.

31
00:03:08,064 --> 00:03:11,109
Your concealment and camouflage
work is definitely improving.

32
00:03:11,234 --> 00:03:12,318
Thank you, sir.

33
00:03:12,527 --> 00:03:13,528
IBADULLA: Come on.

34
00:03:13,611 --> 00:03:15,530
ENGLISH: You, too, Ibadulla.

35
00:03:15,655 --> 00:03:18,825
Excellent. That is
a first-class man-trap.

36
00:03:19,534 --> 00:03:21,369
Six house points.
Yes!

37
00:03:21,619 --> 00:03:23,037
(TOY GUN FIRING)

38
00:03:23,121 --> 00:03:25,331
Right, let's get back
to school before matron

39
00:03:25,415 --> 00:03:26,851
notices you're missing.
(STUDENTS GROAN)

40
00:03:26,875 --> 00:03:29,419
And don't worry, there aren't
any more booby traps.

41
00:03:29,586 --> 00:03:31,129
(YELLS)
(STUDENTS GASP)

42
00:03:32,255 --> 00:03:34,591
Apart from this one,
of course.

43
00:03:35,383 --> 00:03:37,260
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

44
00:03:49,731 --> 00:03:50,815
Mr. English?

45
00:03:51,107 --> 00:03:52,609
We haven't seen him, sir.

46
00:03:53,067 --> 00:03:54,193
Huh.

47
00:03:55,403 --> 00:03:58,239
(DOOR CLOSES)
And that's camouflage.

48
00:03:58,323 --> 00:03:59,908
(EXCITED CHATTER)

49
00:04:00,992 --> 00:04:02,160
Hmm.

50
00:04:04,495 --> 00:04:06,414
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

51
00:04:06,497 --> 00:04:07,498
ENGLISH: And go.

52
00:04:08,583 --> 00:04:09,667
And go.

53
00:04:10,501 --> 00:04:11,878
And go.

54
00:04:12,086 --> 00:04:15,006
The welfare of your children
is our paramount concern.

55
00:04:15,381 --> 00:04:17,383
They're never exposed
to any unnecessary risk,

56
00:04:17,467 --> 00:04:18,885
I assure you.
(STUDENT WHOOPING)

57
00:04:19,594 --> 00:04:21,179
(DEVICE BEEPING)

58
00:04:24,265 --> 00:04:25,308
(GASPS)

59
00:04:29,771 --> 00:04:33,900
I think that's an "F" for your bomb
disposal coursework, Hattersley.

60
00:04:34,359 --> 00:04:37,028
"You're looking particularly
beautiful tonight."

61
00:04:37,153 --> 00:04:40,573
ALL: You're looking
particularly beautiful tonight.

62
00:04:40,865 --> 00:04:41,866
"Ching!"

63
00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:43,451
Ching!

64
00:04:43,743 --> 00:04:45,203
(BELL RINGING)

65
00:04:45,536 --> 00:04:48,081
Have a good half-term, sir!
Thank you.

66
00:04:48,206 --> 00:04:49,874
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

67
00:04:55,964 --> 00:04:57,173
(SIGHS)

68
00:05:39,257 --> 00:05:40,383
(EXHALES)

69
00:05:41,050 --> 00:05:43,302
Are you seriously telling me
this is all we've got?

70
00:05:43,428 --> 00:05:44,762
Most of them are either dead,

71
00:05:44,846 --> 00:05:47,682
having hip operations or
recovering from prostate surgery.

72
00:05:48,141 --> 00:05:49,350
(CLEARS THROAT)

73
00:05:49,767 --> 00:05:50,768
Okay.

74
00:05:51,394 --> 00:05:55,148
Before your briefing, we'll need you
to re-sign the Official Secrets Act.

75
00:05:55,273 --> 00:05:56,441
Thank you.

76
00:05:56,816 --> 00:05:57,859
Thank you.

77
00:05:57,942 --> 00:05:58,943
Thank you.

78
00:05:59,444 --> 00:06:00,945
Thank you very much.

79
00:06:01,362 --> 00:06:03,614
AGENT SEVEN:
Any of you gentlemen remember this?

80
00:06:04,073 --> 00:06:07,618
Ooh, the Mont Blanc Blaster.
Haven't seen one of those for years.

81
00:06:07,869 --> 00:06:12,540
Take the cap off and, if memory serves,
you've 20 seconds to replace it

82
00:06:12,665 --> 00:06:15,501
or it detonates with the force
of a stun grenade.

83
00:06:15,585 --> 00:06:17,712
(ALL LAUGHING)
(GASPS)

84
00:06:18,629 --> 00:06:19,672
(CHUCKLES)

85
00:06:20,381 --> 00:06:22,467
(PEN BEEPING)

86
00:06:26,179 --> 00:06:27,513
(BEEPING INTENSIFIES)

87
00:06:29,599 --> 00:06:30,600
(BEEPING STOPS)

88
00:06:30,725 --> 00:06:32,685
(SIGHS IN RELIEF)

89
00:06:35,980 --> 00:06:37,315
Thank you.

90
00:06:39,984 --> 00:06:42,361
Teas on the left, gentlemen.

91
00:06:42,487 --> 00:06:44,447
And coffees on the right.

92
00:06:44,739 --> 00:06:45,948
AGENT SEVEN: Excellent.

93
00:06:46,074 --> 00:06:49,035
Oh, damn it,
I forgot my pills.

94
00:06:49,202 --> 00:06:51,329
(AGENTS LAUGHING) AGENT SEVEN:
Here, have some of mine.

95
00:06:52,914 --> 00:06:54,999
Scotch whisky, single malt?

96
00:06:55,124 --> 00:06:56,959
AGENT FIVE:
Thank you very much.

97
00:06:57,168 --> 00:06:59,170
Coffee.
Oh.

98
00:06:59,253 --> 00:07:01,506
Here, let me
help you with that.

99
00:07:06,803 --> 00:07:07,887
Tea?

100
00:07:12,058 --> 00:07:13,267
(BEEPING)

101
00:07:13,351 --> 00:07:16,145
Ooh, this one just needs
a little top-up of hot water.

102
00:07:16,771 --> 00:07:18,231
I'll be right back.

103
00:07:18,314 --> 00:07:19,315
(DOOR OPENS)

104
00:07:20,108 --> 00:07:22,360
AGENT SEVEN: Man's a divot
of the first order.

105
00:07:22,443 --> 00:07:24,779
Someone should put him
out of his misery.

106
00:07:24,904 --> 00:07:27,949
AGENT FIVE: Along with whoever
furnished this room.

107
00:07:28,032 --> 00:07:30,118
(AGENTS LAUGHING)
(RAPID BEEPING)

108
00:07:31,536 --> 00:07:32,703
(EXPLOSION)

109
00:07:34,038 --> 00:07:35,206
Oh!

110
00:07:37,500 --> 00:07:39,502
PEGASUS: Ah, good morning.
Sorry to keep you.

111
00:07:39,585 --> 00:07:40,753
(CLEARS THROAT)

112
00:07:41,462 --> 00:07:43,214
Are the others here?

113
00:07:43,506 --> 00:07:44,757
Um...

114
00:07:45,842 --> 00:07:47,009
PEGASUS: Oh.

115
00:07:47,093 --> 00:07:48,386
(AGENTS SNORING)

116
00:07:51,305 --> 00:07:54,725
They, um... They nodded off.

117
00:07:55,268 --> 00:07:56,269
Right...

118
00:07:57,520 --> 00:07:58,813
And who are you exactly?

119
00:07:59,313 --> 00:08:00,398
English.

120
00:08:01,357 --> 00:08:03,067
Johnny English.
PEGASUS: Well...

121
00:08:04,527 --> 00:08:06,028
"English..."
(SCOFFS)

122
00:08:07,363 --> 00:08:08,823
You'll leave immediately.

123
00:08:08,906 --> 00:08:10,992
My people will give you
the full briefing en route.

124
00:08:11,075 --> 00:08:12,410
Oh, is there
anything you need?

125
00:08:12,493 --> 00:08:16,205
Yes, nerve gas nasal spray,
a type-four exoskeleton...

126
00:08:16,330 --> 00:08:18,249
You should probably
start a list.

127
00:08:18,374 --> 00:08:21,794
And a garroting watch, with a rubber strap,
not the steel bracelet

128
00:08:21,919 --> 00:08:25,256
because the links get caught in
the little hairs on my wrist.

129
00:08:25,590 --> 00:08:27,675
Oh, and I'll also
need a Bough.

130
00:08:28,217 --> 00:08:29,719
What's a Bough?

131
00:08:29,844 --> 00:08:31,012
(DOOR OPENS)

132
00:08:31,095 --> 00:08:32,096
Sir!

133
00:08:32,972 --> 00:08:34,098
(LAUGHING)

134
00:08:34,182 --> 00:08:36,017
Wonderful to see you!

135
00:08:37,226 --> 00:08:39,937
Yes, all right, Bough.
We're going on a mission, not a honeymoon.

136
00:08:40,188 --> 00:08:41,772
Yes, of course, sir.

137
00:08:42,398 --> 00:08:45,443
Ah. I think it's the pin of your buckle, sir.
It's caught on my jumper.

138
00:08:45,526 --> 00:08:46,879
Yes, I can see
what's wrong, Bough.

139
00:08:46,903 --> 00:08:50,072
If you go to your left
and I'll go to my right.

140
00:08:51,449 --> 00:08:54,702
I'm sorry, no, if you go to your
right and I'll go to my left.

141
00:08:56,746 --> 00:09:00,291
No. If I go clockwise
and you go anti-clockwise...

142
00:09:01,250 --> 00:09:02,811
Er, no, I think that's
making it worse, sir.

143
00:09:02,835 --> 00:09:05,254
Hmm. I'm surprised
that didn't work.

144
00:09:10,509 --> 00:09:13,679
Good morning, sir. I have your
agent activation pack here.

145
00:09:14,222 --> 00:09:15,890
Department-issue smartphone.

146
00:09:15,973 --> 00:09:20,269
580-megapixel camera,
4.7-inch retina HD display.

147
00:09:20,353 --> 00:09:25,358
Hmm-hmm. Ingenious. And what
does it shoot? Poison darts?

148
00:09:25,983 --> 00:09:29,695
It doesn't shoot anything.
It's a phone.

149
00:09:30,279 --> 00:09:32,198
There's a Twitter handle,
Instagram feed

150
00:09:32,281 --> 00:09:34,283
and secure login for the
department Uber account.

151
00:09:34,367 --> 00:09:35,407
What's he on about, Bough?

152
00:09:35,451 --> 00:09:37,578
I need a weapon.
Not a box of gobbledygook.

153
00:09:37,787 --> 00:09:40,122
I think, uh,
what Agent English

154
00:09:40,206 --> 00:09:42,500
is getting at, sir, is all
this is highly trackable.

155
00:09:42,792 --> 00:09:46,170
But since we're dealing with a very
sophisticated, digital target,

156
00:09:46,254 --> 00:09:50,841
we might be less visible if we took
a more analog, low-tech approach.

157
00:09:52,510 --> 00:09:53,594
Exactly.

158
00:09:55,012 --> 00:09:56,347
I see.

159
00:09:56,889 --> 00:09:58,683
Is there anything else
I can get you?

160
00:09:59,100 --> 00:10:00,434
A gun.

161
00:10:01,978 --> 00:10:06,148
We don't really
do guns anymore.

162
00:10:06,524 --> 00:10:08,109
Just get him a gun.

163
00:10:08,526 --> 00:10:09,819
P: Right, a gun.

164
00:10:10,903 --> 00:10:12,822
(DOOR OPENS)

165
00:10:16,450 --> 00:10:19,537
Right. Haven't actually done
one of these before.

166
00:10:20,705 --> 00:10:22,832
"It is my obligation
under section 14

167
00:10:22,915 --> 00:10:24,768
"of the Health and Safety
Directive to inform you

168
00:10:24,792 --> 00:10:27,461
"that the equipment with which
you are about to be issued

169
00:10:27,545 --> 00:10:29,463
"can cause injury
and bodily harm.

170
00:10:33,384 --> 00:10:36,012
"Furthermore, any agents
with nut allergies

171
00:10:36,095 --> 00:10:37,281
"should be aware
that traces of cashew oil..."

172
00:10:37,305 --> 00:10:38,639
Thank you.

173
00:10:41,267 --> 00:10:42,685
Right, transport.

174
00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:48,524
So, take any hybrid you want.

175
00:10:49,025 --> 00:10:50,359
(EXHALES)

176
00:11:04,415 --> 00:11:05,666
I'll take this one.

177
00:11:05,916 --> 00:11:08,961
Oh, don't be ridiculous,
English. This car is a relic.

178
00:11:09,045 --> 00:11:11,839
Drinks petrol, leaks oil
and has no passive,

179
00:11:11,922 --> 00:11:13,591
let alone
active safety features.

180
00:11:13,799 --> 00:11:15,277
BOUGH: Do you know what else
it doesn't have, sir?

181
00:11:15,301 --> 00:11:18,054
Satellite navigation
or a single computer chip.

182
00:11:18,137 --> 00:11:21,390
Making it completely invisible
to a digital enemy.

183
00:11:21,474 --> 00:11:22,892
(ENGINE STARTING)

184
00:11:23,392 --> 00:11:25,478
The equipment
Agent English requested, sir.

185
00:11:25,561 --> 00:11:26,771
Thank you.

186
00:11:27,897 --> 00:11:29,690
Phone, Bough?
Yeah.

187
00:11:32,860 --> 00:11:36,072
That hi-tech villain of yours
will never see us coming.

188
00:11:45,706 --> 00:11:46,791
(TIRES SCREECHING)

189
00:11:53,589 --> 00:11:55,424
BOUGH: Let's see
what they've given us.

190
00:11:56,133 --> 00:12:00,846
Exoskeleton, exploding cotton buds,
the old shoebox inflatable.

191
00:12:00,930 --> 00:12:02,139
Hmm.

192
00:12:03,099 --> 00:12:07,478
Ooh, what are these?
Instant Release Super High Energy Pills.

193
00:12:07,686 --> 00:12:11,816
Like sticking your fingers in an
electric socket. Highly recommended.

194
00:12:12,733 --> 00:12:15,861
Right, so, the red ones must be
the Total Knockout Sleeping Pills.

195
00:12:15,986 --> 00:12:17,071
Correct.

196
00:12:17,154 --> 00:12:19,448
Hmm. Probably worth
labeling these.

197
00:12:19,532 --> 00:12:20,574
Oh. (CHUCKLES)

198
00:12:20,658 --> 00:12:23,077
Look, sir. Sweeties.

199
00:12:24,078 --> 00:12:25,162
Ooh.

200
00:12:25,704 --> 00:12:27,456
Hang on a minute.

201
00:12:27,581 --> 00:12:29,417
I always did love
a jelly baby.

202
00:12:29,500 --> 00:12:32,586
I wouldn't if I was you, Bough.
"Jelly" is short for gelignite.

203
00:12:32,670 --> 00:12:34,439
One bite and it'll take
the top of your head off

204
00:12:34,463 --> 00:12:36,132
along with
the roof of the car.

205
00:12:36,715 --> 00:12:38,467
So, what does this do?

206
00:12:39,718 --> 00:12:41,595
It's a mixtape, Bough.

207
00:12:43,931 --> 00:12:45,933
(POP SONG PLAYING)

208
00:12:46,016 --> 00:12:48,686
ENGLISH: So, destination?
BOUGH: South of France, sir.

209
00:12:48,769 --> 00:12:50,771
That cyber attack
seems to have been launched

210
00:12:50,855 --> 00:12:53,315
from the Wi-Fi signal
of a hotel in Antibes.

211
00:13:38,068 --> 00:13:41,363
Sir? Sir, I've just had
a fax through from HQ.

212
00:13:41,780 --> 00:13:44,909
Background checks on all the guests
that accessed the Wi-Fi network.

213
00:13:44,992 --> 00:13:47,119
You see? Who needs email?

214
00:13:47,203 --> 00:13:48,662
(SPEAKING FRENCH)

215
00:13:50,414 --> 00:13:51,790
<i>(THANKS IN GERMAN)</i>

216
00:13:52,875 --> 00:13:54,126
Um...

217
00:13:54,210 --> 00:13:56,545
One name has raised
a red flag, sir.

218
00:13:57,338 --> 00:14:00,257
Sebastian Lynch, ex-Army
and Military Intelligence.

219
00:14:00,508 --> 00:14:03,344
Now selling his services
to the highest bidder.

220
00:14:03,636 --> 00:14:06,305
Where do we find him?
Directly ahead, sir.

221
00:14:06,514 --> 00:14:07,890
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

222
00:14:07,973 --> 00:14:11,185
He's got an 8:00 reservation
at the Cote de Roc restaurant.

223
00:14:13,687 --> 00:14:15,731
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

224
00:14:21,779 --> 00:14:25,019
BOUGH: The problem's going to be getting
close enough for a full surveillance, sir.

225
00:14:25,241 --> 00:14:27,159
Not necessarily.

226
00:14:28,869 --> 00:14:30,871
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

227
00:14:30,955 --> 00:14:32,456
(DISHES CLATTERING)

228
00:14:42,508 --> 00:14:43,884
(CELL PHONE CHIMES)

229
00:14:43,968 --> 00:14:47,054
SEBASTIAN: Oh, darling,
I've just gotta get this. Two seconds.

230
00:14:47,638 --> 00:14:51,976
Simple plan, two parts. You provide
the distraction, I'll get the phone.

231
00:14:52,059 --> 00:14:54,395
Yes, sir.
And from now on,

232
00:14:54,770 --> 00:14:59,733
(IN FRENCH ACCENT) perhaps we
should sound like French waiters.

233
00:15:01,402 --> 00:15:03,279
(IN FRENCH ACCENT)
French waiters?

234
00:15:04,154 --> 00:15:05,406
Yees.

235
00:15:06,949 --> 00:15:08,117
Go on.

236
00:15:10,286 --> 00:15:11,954
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

237
00:15:13,872 --> 00:15:15,916
Are you finished now,
Sebastian?

238
00:15:17,209 --> 00:15:18,711
Bread roll?

239
00:15:18,961 --> 00:15:20,045
Yes, thank you.

240
00:15:20,421 --> 00:15:22,381
BOUGH: Excellent choice,
<i>madame.</i>

241
00:15:23,841 --> 00:15:25,259
Good evening.

242
00:15:25,843 --> 00:15:27,428
How are you?

243
00:15:29,221 --> 00:15:30,723
Bread roll, sir?

244
00:15:30,848 --> 00:15:32,266
Yes. Thank you.

245
00:15:32,349 --> 00:15:33,601
(HUMMING)

246
00:15:35,102 --> 00:15:36,270
(SCOFFS)

247
00:15:37,271 --> 00:15:38,564
One second.

248
00:15:38,856 --> 00:15:40,774
Excuse me,
would you mind?

249
00:15:41,609 --> 00:15:43,819
Oh, yes. Evening.

250
00:15:44,403 --> 00:15:45,487
Evening.

251
00:15:51,493 --> 00:15:52,786
(GASPS)

252
00:15:54,955 --> 00:15:56,290
(CHUCKLES)

253
00:15:59,835 --> 00:16:01,170
Thank you.

254
00:16:12,348 --> 00:16:13,432
(CHUCKLES)

255
00:16:13,515 --> 00:16:15,351
(CELL PHONE RINGING)

256
00:16:15,434 --> 00:16:16,602
SEBASTIAN: Where's my phone?

257
00:16:18,270 --> 00:16:19,647
WOMAN: That is your phone.

258
00:16:21,732 --> 00:16:23,567
Ooh. (EXHALES)

259
00:16:25,444 --> 00:16:27,321
(CELL PHONE CONTINUES RINGING)

260
00:16:28,238 --> 00:16:29,239
Thank you.

261
00:16:30,532 --> 00:16:31,575
<i>Monsieur.</i>

262
00:16:32,743 --> 00:16:36,038
The, uh, shell on my wife's lobster,
could you remove it, please?

263
00:16:38,248 --> 00:16:39,416
Yees.

264
00:16:40,209 --> 00:16:42,127
Uh... Um...

265
00:16:42,378 --> 00:16:43,545
Hmm.

266
00:16:47,549 --> 00:16:49,843
Let me crack it for you.

267
00:16:51,595 --> 00:16:53,138
(STRAINING)

268
00:17:03,691 --> 00:17:05,025
Ow!
Oh!

269
00:17:05,818 --> 00:17:06,985
Ow!

270
00:17:07,111 --> 00:17:09,697
(SPEAKING FRENCH)

271
00:17:26,338 --> 00:17:28,006
(ALL GASPING)

272
00:17:29,717 --> 00:17:31,885
(HUMMING)

273
00:17:34,888 --> 00:17:36,807
(CELL PHONE RINGING)

274
00:17:38,434 --> 00:17:39,601
Hello?

275
00:17:40,436 --> 00:17:41,979
(WOMAN SCREAMS)

276
00:17:42,688 --> 00:17:45,008
SEBASTIAN: Steve, I'll have to call you back.
Call you back.

277
00:17:47,234 --> 00:17:48,485
Give me a sec. Hang on.

278
00:17:48,569 --> 00:17:49,820
(GUESTS GASPING)

279
00:17:49,903 --> 00:17:51,447
WOMAN: What is going on?

280
00:17:54,950 --> 00:17:56,994
Sebastian,
don't get involved.

281
00:17:57,661 --> 00:17:58,746
(SPEAKING FRENCH)

282
00:18:00,330 --> 00:18:01,665
Ah.

283
00:18:05,878 --> 00:18:08,338
WOMAN: What is he doing?
SEBASTIAN: I don't know. He's a fool.

284
00:18:09,423 --> 00:18:11,008
There we are.

285
00:18:13,260 --> 00:18:14,470
<i>Voilà.</i>

286
00:18:21,852 --> 00:18:24,104
Hmm. Bon appétit.

287
00:18:27,232 --> 00:18:30,360
I will talk to the manager.
I will talk to the manager.

288
00:18:39,536 --> 00:18:41,622
ENGLISH: Textbook, Bough.

289
00:18:46,084 --> 00:18:47,920
BOUGH: Just
holiday snaps, sir.

290
00:18:49,129 --> 00:18:51,048
Wait a minute, this photo.

291
00:18:51,298 --> 00:18:55,135
It was taken the same day our villain
accessed the Wi-Fi, and look.

292
00:18:55,803 --> 00:18:57,763
Scarcely 50 feet from shore.

293
00:18:59,556 --> 00:19:00,933
Whoever was on that yacht

294
00:19:01,016 --> 00:19:03,769
could easily have used
the hotel's Wi-Fi,

295
00:19:03,852 --> 00:19:07,022
sent that signal
and then just sailed away.

296
00:19:07,564 --> 00:19:12,236
ENGLISH: I think it's time
we paid the <i>Dot Calm</i> a visit.

297
00:19:12,319 --> 00:19:14,279
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

298
00:19:24,957 --> 00:19:25,958
<i>Algorithms.</i>

299
00:19:26,041 --> 00:19:28,252
<i>We are surrounded by them.</i>

300
00:19:28,335 --> 00:19:30,504
<i>Algorithms run our lives,</i>

301
00:19:30,587 --> 00:19:35,050
<i>choose our TV shows, stream our music.
Even find us a date.</i>

302
00:19:35,342 --> 00:19:37,010
(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

303
00:19:37,094 --> 00:19:38,846
I know this chap, don't I?

304
00:19:38,971 --> 00:19:42,224
Yes, he's that Silicon Valley
billionaire who dated a Kardashian.

305
00:19:42,307 --> 00:19:45,018
Two Kardashians and a Black-Eyed Pea.
Keep watching.

306
00:19:45,185 --> 00:19:48,438
<i>But supposing there was an
algorithm for an entire country.</i>

307
00:19:48,522 --> 00:19:52,109
<i>A single algorithm that could be
applied to every one of its problems.</i>

308
00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:56,530
<i>A single algorithm that could take
a second-rate nation and make it</i>

309
00:19:57,072 --> 00:19:58,949
<i>world class.</i>

310
00:19:59,032 --> 00:20:00,232
(AUDIENCE CHATTERING
EXCITEDLY)

311
00:20:00,284 --> 00:20:02,703
<i>Every nation
is awash with data.</i>

312
00:20:03,412 --> 00:20:08,041
So now, more than ever, we need to
put that data to work for the people.

313
00:20:08,542 --> 00:20:11,420
These few lines of code will
deliver the kind of change

314
00:20:11,545 --> 00:20:14,298
they have been dreaming of
their entire lives.

315
00:20:14,423 --> 00:20:17,467
ON PHONE:
<i>I am Xander. I love data.</i>

316
00:20:17,593 --> 00:20:19,553
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

317
00:20:20,679 --> 00:20:22,431
He's so clever.

318
00:20:22,556 --> 00:20:25,475
He's young, he's sexy,
he's insanely successful.

319
00:20:25,601 --> 00:20:28,562
Just the qualities we need
people to associate with me.

320
00:20:28,645 --> 00:20:29,813
(SIGHS)

321
00:20:29,897 --> 00:20:30,939
Yes, Prime Minister.

322
00:20:31,064 --> 00:20:33,567
And they will do when he
starts working with us.

323
00:20:33,692 --> 00:20:36,278
But why would a Silicon Valley
billionaire work with us?

324
00:20:36,403 --> 00:20:39,114
Just get him into Number 10
and let me work on him.

325
00:20:39,197 --> 00:20:40,616
Yes, ma'am.
Go on.

326
00:20:43,535 --> 00:20:44,786
Oh, God, now what?

327
00:20:45,329 --> 00:20:46,890
There's been another attack,
Prime Minister.

328
00:20:46,914 --> 00:20:48,248
Oh!
Air Traffic Control.

329
00:20:48,916 --> 00:20:51,793
Someone's rerouted every
flight in Europe to Luton.

330
00:20:51,919 --> 00:20:54,105
For God's sake, tell me the
agent you've got in the field

331
00:20:54,129 --> 00:20:55,839
is making some progress?

332
00:20:56,006 --> 00:20:57,674
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

333
00:20:58,592 --> 00:21:00,677
(SIREN WAILING)

334
00:21:05,307 --> 00:21:08,310
BOUGH: So, how are we gonna find
the location of that yacht, sir?

335
00:21:08,435 --> 00:21:11,772
ENGLISH: Very easily, Bough.
We ring MI7.

336
00:21:16,026 --> 00:21:19,363
Hello, hello?
Yes, I need the location of a boat called...

337
00:21:19,446 --> 00:21:20,614
(LINE DISCONNECTS)

338
00:21:23,659 --> 00:21:26,828
Hello? Hello, yes.
A boat called the <i>Dot Calm.</i>

339
00:21:27,537 --> 00:21:29,706
Yes, it's a play
on words. Yeah.

340
00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:31,041
Where?
(LINE DISCONNECTS)

341
00:21:37,881 --> 00:21:39,716
Looks about
half a mile out, sir.

342
00:21:40,759 --> 00:21:43,011
Do we wanna try
and swim it or...

343
00:21:43,136 --> 00:21:46,556
No, Bough.
This is a job for the shoebox inflatable.

344
00:21:46,682 --> 00:21:48,308
No, don't open it
in the car, sir!

345
00:21:48,475 --> 00:21:50,060
(SQUEAKING)

346
00:21:54,815 --> 00:21:57,818
Can you reach
your door handle?

347
00:22:00,237 --> 00:22:01,822
(MUFFLED) No, sir.

348
00:22:02,322 --> 00:22:04,658
I'll try my side.

349
00:22:22,050 --> 00:22:26,054
Right, Bough, our aim is to get
on board without anyone noticing.

350
00:22:26,596 --> 00:22:28,265
And how are we gonna do it?

351
00:22:28,473 --> 00:22:30,851
Magnetic boots.
Brilliant, sir.

352
00:22:31,727 --> 00:22:33,145
Simple mechanism.

353
00:22:33,270 --> 00:22:36,398
Left switch activates left boot.
Right switch activates right.

354
00:22:37,107 --> 00:22:38,942
Okay, let's go.

355
00:22:53,832 --> 00:22:59,337
Remember, the absolutely vital
element of this mission is surprise.

356
00:23:06,386 --> 00:23:07,637
(METAL CLANGS)

357
00:23:13,894 --> 00:23:15,353
(CLATTERING)

358
00:23:18,732 --> 00:23:20,275
(GRUNTING)

359
00:23:21,026 --> 00:23:22,879
Now, you have to get up
pretty early in the morning

360
00:23:22,903 --> 00:23:25,030
to outwit
British Intelligence.

361
00:23:27,199 --> 00:23:28,492
(GRUNTING)

362
00:23:28,992 --> 00:23:30,202
(BOTH EXHALE)

363
00:23:31,203 --> 00:23:32,287
Quick!

364
00:23:35,457 --> 00:23:37,125
(ALARM BLARING)

365
00:23:39,461 --> 00:23:41,296
WOMAN:
Good evening, gentlemen.

366
00:23:42,589 --> 00:23:44,591
Shall we start
with your names?

367
00:23:45,717 --> 00:23:48,678
Clearly you have no idea
who you're dealing with.

368
00:23:49,679 --> 00:23:52,015
That's why I'm starting
with your names.

369
00:23:52,557 --> 00:23:54,434
Actually, would you mind
coming down here?

370
00:23:54,559 --> 00:23:57,229
It's really hard to have
a conversation like this.

371
00:23:58,605 --> 00:24:00,273
I have a better idea.

372
00:24:00,565 --> 00:24:02,901
(GRUNTING)

373
00:24:07,948 --> 00:24:09,658
It's no good,
it won't move, sir.

374
00:24:10,450 --> 00:24:12,369
We'll see about that.

375
00:24:12,494 --> 00:24:14,830
Low-intensity
exploding cotton bud.

376
00:24:17,457 --> 00:24:18,542
(BEEPING)

377
00:24:18,667 --> 00:24:21,211
That's quite a powerful charge
for such a small space, sir.

378
00:24:21,294 --> 00:24:22,712
Oh, nonsense.

379
00:24:23,797 --> 00:24:24,881
(WHINING)

380
00:24:24,965 --> 00:24:27,134
There will just be
a slight pop.

381
00:24:31,805 --> 00:24:33,849
(BOTH COUGHING)

382
00:24:35,142 --> 00:24:38,062
(WHISPERS) Shall we locate the hold and
look for the source of that signal?

383
00:24:38,145 --> 00:24:42,149
(SHOUTS) I think we should locate the hold
and look for the source of that signal!

384
00:24:42,232 --> 00:24:43,608
(SHUSHING)
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

385
00:24:43,692 --> 00:24:45,318
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

386
00:24:45,485 --> 00:24:46,653
(SHOUTS) Come on!
(SHUSHES)

387
00:24:58,540 --> 00:25:01,042
(SHOUTS) I'd say we have
our villain, Bough!

388
00:25:01,168 --> 00:25:03,336
(SHUSHES) You need to keep
your voice down, sir.

389
00:25:04,212 --> 00:25:06,214
And we're not going
to lose him.

390
00:25:19,728 --> 00:25:21,980
Hand me the sherbet fountain.

391
00:25:24,482 --> 00:25:27,485
Three sucks and the location
transmitter is activated.

392
00:25:27,569 --> 00:25:31,364
This gin palace will show up
as a hostile from 30,000 feet.

393
00:25:31,907 --> 00:25:32,949
Hmm.

394
00:25:34,367 --> 00:25:37,162
(SUCKING)
(BEEPING)

395
00:25:39,831 --> 00:25:42,667
This is now an enemy target.

396
00:25:43,543 --> 00:25:45,337
(DOOR CLOSES)
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

397
00:25:48,089 --> 00:25:49,758
Aniseed balls.

398
00:25:52,844 --> 00:25:54,512
(GROANING)

399
00:25:59,935 --> 00:26:00,936
(GRUNTS)

400
00:26:01,144 --> 00:26:02,687
(GUN COCKS)
(SPLASHES)

401
00:26:04,856 --> 00:26:08,109
If you'd wanted to kill me,
you would have already done so.

402
00:26:11,529 --> 00:26:13,365
Till we meet again.

403
00:26:17,035 --> 00:26:18,119
(THUDS)

404
00:26:18,203 --> 00:26:19,496
(ENGLISH GROANS)

405
00:26:21,498 --> 00:26:22,666
Ow!

406
00:26:23,583 --> 00:26:24,876
(GROANING)

407
00:26:27,254 --> 00:26:29,547
Well, that was sooner
than I expected.

408
00:26:31,967 --> 00:26:33,301
(GROANS)

409
00:26:33,385 --> 00:26:36,471
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

410
00:26:37,514 --> 00:26:38,640
(SPLASHES)

411
00:26:40,016 --> 00:26:41,893
BOUGH: <i>Who do you
think she is, sir?</i>

412
00:26:41,977 --> 00:26:44,646
ENGLISH: Well, if she's not
the owner of that yacht,

413
00:26:44,729 --> 00:26:46,189
then she knows who is.

414
00:26:47,315 --> 00:26:49,818
Either way, she's the key
to this case.

415
00:26:52,153 --> 00:26:55,198
Is it true you were teaching,
sir? Before all this blew up?

416
00:26:56,491 --> 00:26:58,743
If by "teaching" you mean

417
00:26:58,868 --> 00:27:03,832
scouting for potential intelligence
operatives then yes, I was.

418
00:27:03,915 --> 00:27:05,000
Hmm.

419
00:27:05,083 --> 00:27:09,754
I actually got married, sir.
I don't know if you heard.

420
00:27:11,339 --> 00:27:12,340
No.

421
00:27:13,008 --> 00:27:14,342
Hmm.

422
00:27:14,551 --> 00:27:16,136
Yeah, Lydia.

423
00:27:16,219 --> 00:27:17,262
Lovely girl.

424
00:27:21,016 --> 00:27:23,685
You never think about getting
hitched yourself, sir?

425
00:27:23,768 --> 00:27:24,853
(SCOFFS)

426
00:27:24,936 --> 00:27:29,441
This is no life for a married man, Bough.
The danger, the constant travel.

427
00:27:29,524 --> 00:27:30,608
WAITRESS: Here you go, sir.

428
00:27:30,692 --> 00:27:32,694
More Lydia's life
than mine, sir.

429
00:27:34,154 --> 00:27:35,447
She's in the Navy, you see.

430
00:27:36,406 --> 00:27:37,574
What, as a cook?

431
00:27:38,408 --> 00:27:41,619
Or some kind of seagoing
secretary or...

432
00:27:41,703 --> 00:27:44,581
Oh, no, sir. She's the captain
of a nuclear submarine.

433
00:27:45,915 --> 00:27:47,250
Oh, right.
Hmm.

434
00:27:49,669 --> 00:27:52,422
Do you think we should get some
petrol for the Aston, sir?

435
00:27:53,882 --> 00:27:58,136
No. An Aston Martin is
surprisingly economical, Bough.

436
00:28:00,180 --> 00:28:03,183
Besides, it looks like
we're in business.

437
00:28:17,238 --> 00:28:18,406
Come on.

438
00:28:25,622 --> 00:28:27,582
BOUGH: Looks like
an electric car, sir.

439
00:28:27,665 --> 00:28:30,126
Yes, and sounds like
a nose hair trimmer.

440
00:28:30,335 --> 00:28:31,586
(ENGINE STARTING)

441
00:28:32,253 --> 00:28:33,838
ENGLISH: A bunch
of triple-A batteries

442
00:28:33,922 --> 00:28:36,549
is no match for old-fashioned
British horsepower.

443
00:28:41,679 --> 00:28:42,999
(OPHELIA AND MAN
SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

444
00:28:58,071 --> 00:29:01,449
Look at her cornering.
Seems so effortless, doesn't it, sir?

445
00:29:08,790 --> 00:29:10,583
(TIRES SCREECHING)

446
00:29:15,046 --> 00:29:16,256
(GPS BEEPING)

447
00:29:22,011 --> 00:29:23,263
(TIRES SCREECHING)

448
00:29:24,180 --> 00:29:25,306
(GRUNTS)

449
00:29:30,103 --> 00:29:31,229
(SIGHS)

450
00:29:37,277 --> 00:29:38,695
(HORN HONKING)

451
00:29:40,822 --> 00:29:42,407
Arm the missile.

452
00:29:42,490 --> 00:29:43,616
The what?

453
00:29:43,700 --> 00:29:45,952
The missile, Bough,
the one with the tear gas warhead.

454
00:29:46,035 --> 00:29:48,580
But they're just cyclists, sir.
We'll get past in a minute.

455
00:29:48,663 --> 00:29:49,863
They're French cyclists,
Bough,

456
00:29:49,956 --> 00:29:52,667
and they're obstructing
Her Majesty's Secret Service.

457
00:30:00,508 --> 00:30:01,843
BOUGH: Wiper stalk
is armed, sir.

458
00:30:08,766 --> 00:30:11,060
(CYCLISTS COUGHING)

459
00:30:11,144 --> 00:30:12,145
BOUGH: <i>Sorry.</i>

460
00:30:12,604 --> 00:30:14,898
<i>Terribly sorry.
We do apologize.</i>

461
00:30:15,023 --> 00:30:17,192
ENGLISH: <i>Stop it, Bough,
you'll only encourage them.</i>

462
00:30:18,902 --> 00:30:20,069
(CHUCKLES)

463
00:30:32,707 --> 00:30:35,376
What are we gonna do now, sir?
Patience, Bough.

464
00:30:35,919 --> 00:30:38,838
Driving like that, her battery
will be dead any moment.

465
00:30:38,963 --> 00:30:42,217
And she'll roll
to a humiliating stop.

466
00:30:42,509 --> 00:30:44,135
(ENGINE SPUTTERING)

467
00:30:54,312 --> 00:30:56,356
(SPUTTERING CONTINUES)

468
00:31:01,486 --> 00:31:05,073
Bough, it is your job to keep
an eye on the fuel gauge.

469
00:31:12,747 --> 00:31:14,916
Very impressive driving, Mr...

470
00:31:16,626 --> 00:31:17,710
Golightly.

471
00:31:18,753 --> 00:31:20,880
Basil Golightly.

472
00:31:23,258 --> 00:31:25,885
And you're rather useful
yourself, Miss...

473
00:31:26,553 --> 00:31:29,597
Bhuletova. Ophelia Bhuletova.

474
00:31:29,764 --> 00:31:31,015
Hmm.

475
00:31:31,099 --> 00:31:32,850
And this is...

476
00:31:33,226 --> 00:31:34,227
Colin.

477
00:31:35,853 --> 00:31:38,022
I thought we were
using fake names.

478
00:31:38,940 --> 00:31:40,692
That is a fake name.

479
00:31:43,528 --> 00:31:44,862
Oh, right.

480
00:31:46,864 --> 00:31:48,741
Yes, this is Colin,

481
00:31:49,993 --> 00:31:51,119
and I'm...

482
00:31:55,290 --> 00:31:56,416
"Dasil."

483
00:31:56,874 --> 00:31:57,875
Dasil.

484
00:31:58,293 --> 00:31:59,294
Basil.

485
00:32:00,545 --> 00:32:02,755
Well, Basil,

486
00:32:03,381 --> 00:32:05,061
maybe there is a simpler way
of doing this.

487
00:32:05,758 --> 00:32:07,176
Over a drink perhaps?

488
00:32:07,260 --> 00:32:09,637
Well, that would be lovely.

489
00:32:09,721 --> 00:32:14,392
Shall we say the bar at the Hotel
de Paris in Cagnes-sur-Mer? 8:00?

490
00:32:14,475 --> 00:32:16,561
Mmm. It's a date.

491
00:32:19,897 --> 00:32:21,190
(ENGLISH CHUCKLES)

492
00:32:21,941 --> 00:32:22,942
Well,

493
00:32:23,526 --> 00:32:27,697
I think my "running out of fuel"
ruse worked pretty well.

494
00:32:28,114 --> 00:32:29,324
Mmm.

495
00:32:33,077 --> 00:32:34,162
PRIME MINISTER: What?

496
00:32:34,329 --> 00:32:36,729
Er, junior doctors.
They've confirmed they are going on strike

497
00:32:36,789 --> 00:32:38,629
and the tube drivers
are coming out in support.

498
00:32:38,666 --> 00:32:41,562
Oh, God. Leader of the Opposition,
has he come round from his heart surgery?

499
00:32:41,586 --> 00:32:42,629
Yes, Prime Minister.

500
00:32:42,712 --> 00:32:45,840
Oh, Jesus Christ, when will something
go right for me? What do you want?

501
00:32:46,633 --> 00:32:48,676
They've hit us again,
Prime Minister.

502
00:32:49,218 --> 00:32:51,721
Huh? Hacked into the Central
Traffic Control System.

503
00:32:52,013 --> 00:32:55,433
Yes, they've turned every
traffic light in London to red.

504
00:32:55,558 --> 00:32:57,101
(CARS HONKING ON SCREEN)
(SIGHS)

505
00:32:58,061 --> 00:32:59,687
Where's my bloody drink?

506
00:33:00,438 --> 00:33:02,815
You've got to be joking?
Vodka tonic, no ice, no tonic.

507
00:33:02,899 --> 00:33:05,443
Yes, ma'am.
Oh, and Mr. Volta has arrived, ma'am.

508
00:33:05,526 --> 00:33:07,820
(CLEARS THROAT)

509
00:33:09,947 --> 00:33:12,575
Mr. Volta,
welcome to Downing Street.

510
00:33:12,700 --> 00:33:15,787
I have read so much
about this wonderful building.

511
00:33:15,912 --> 00:33:19,415
Is this the stone triple staircase
designed by William Kent?

512
00:33:19,540 --> 00:33:22,710
Um, yes, it probably is.
I can't swear to it.

513
00:33:22,835 --> 00:33:25,380
Can we do a quick...
XANDER: <i>Needs Photoshop.</i>

514
00:33:25,463 --> 00:33:27,965
Oh! (STAMMERS)
This way. Hmm.

515
00:33:28,091 --> 00:33:29,884
I am horribly late,
I do apologize.

516
00:33:30,009 --> 00:33:32,804
It's the traffic,
it's the one thing I don't love about London.

517
00:33:32,929 --> 00:33:35,348
Yes, well, I must admit
we are having a slight problem

518
00:33:35,431 --> 00:33:37,350
with the lights at the moment.
Nothing major.

519
00:33:37,475 --> 00:33:40,478
If you wanted, I could take a
look? It is kind of what I do.

520
00:33:40,561 --> 00:33:43,189
I think it's actually a little
bit more complex than...

521
00:33:43,314 --> 00:33:46,693
Xander, get a web address for
London's traffic control center.

522
00:33:47,360 --> 00:33:51,072
XANDER: <i>Here is the login page, Jason.
Do you have a password?</i>

523
00:33:53,533 --> 00:33:54,701
Um...

524
00:33:55,410 --> 00:33:56,786
(STAMMERS)

525
00:33:57,829 --> 00:34:00,665
I won't tell if you won't.
Right you are.

526
00:34:00,748 --> 00:34:01,874
(CELL PHONE CHIMES)

527
00:34:01,958 --> 00:34:05,586
XANDER: <i>Bypassing security.
Security bypassed.</i> (BEEPING)

528
00:34:05,670 --> 00:34:06,671
Oh, that's terrific.

529
00:34:08,047 --> 00:34:11,217
Someone is hacking you.
Oh, I don't think so.

530
00:34:11,551 --> 00:34:15,388
Denied service attack.
Yeah, primitive but effective.

531
00:34:16,514 --> 00:34:19,892
You know what we could try,
rerouting all service requests

532
00:34:19,976 --> 00:34:22,103
to our server farm in Nevada.

533
00:34:23,104 --> 00:34:24,397
Um...
I...

534
00:34:25,648 --> 00:34:27,400
XANDER: <i>Rerouting, Jason.</i>

535
00:34:27,483 --> 00:34:29,235
<i>Rerouting complete.</i>

536
00:34:31,612 --> 00:34:33,156
(TRAFFIC MOVING)

537
00:34:33,531 --> 00:34:35,283
(GASPS) Crikey.

538
00:34:36,909 --> 00:34:39,912
So, what was it you wanted
to talk to me about?

539
00:34:40,246 --> 00:34:42,373
You, Jason.

540
00:34:43,541 --> 00:34:44,876
(MOUTHS) Get out.

541
00:34:45,001 --> 00:34:46,544
I want to talk about you.

542
00:34:53,301 --> 00:34:55,094
(BOUGH GRUNTING)

543
00:35:01,017 --> 00:35:03,895
ENGLISH: Excellent, Bough.
Nearly there.

544
00:35:04,771 --> 00:35:06,230
Nearly there.

545
00:35:06,355 --> 00:35:09,358
This is actually
a really nice hotel, Bough.

546
00:35:10,109 --> 00:35:12,987
I'm turning to the right.

547
00:35:13,112 --> 00:35:15,281
(SOFT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

548
00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:29,962
Shall one of us keep Miss Bhuletova busy
while the other searches her room, sir?

549
00:35:30,171 --> 00:35:34,175
Good idea, Bough.
Alert me if you find anything.

550
00:35:36,302 --> 00:35:38,304
(CONTINUES PLAYING
SOFT JAZZ MUSIC)

551
00:35:46,270 --> 00:35:48,022
(PLAYING LIVELY TUNE)

552
00:35:51,234 --> 00:35:52,610
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

553
00:35:52,693 --> 00:35:55,238
(SOFT JAZZ MUSIC RESUMES)

554
00:35:56,322 --> 00:35:57,490
Mr. Golightly.

555
00:36:00,493 --> 00:36:01,494
Oh...

556
00:36:02,161 --> 00:36:03,204
Indeed.

557
00:36:04,205 --> 00:36:07,291
I thought perhaps you weren't coming.
On the contrary.

558
00:36:07,458 --> 00:36:10,086
Wild horses couldn't
keep me away.

559
00:36:10,837 --> 00:36:11,963
<i>Madame? Monsieur?</i>

560
00:36:12,505 --> 00:36:14,423
Evening. What would you like?

561
00:36:15,132 --> 00:36:18,761
I'm feeling a little homesick tonight.
I'll have a Moscow Mule.

562
00:36:22,306 --> 00:36:24,642
And I'll have a London...

563
00:36:24,976 --> 00:36:26,978
Lemming, please.

564
00:36:28,521 --> 00:36:30,356
I'm not sure, what...

565
00:36:31,649 --> 00:36:34,986
It's, uh, gin, vodka,

566
00:36:36,445 --> 00:36:37,780
Armagnac,

567
00:36:38,531 --> 00:36:39,824
sherry,

568
00:36:40,491 --> 00:36:42,994
with just a little bit
of Parmesan.

569
00:36:44,996 --> 00:36:46,080
(CHUCKLES)

570
00:36:49,166 --> 00:36:52,879
So, what brings you to the South of France,
Miss...

571
00:36:52,962 --> 00:36:54,380
Bhilli... Bholly...

572
00:36:54,463 --> 00:36:55,673
Bhuletova.

573
00:36:56,173 --> 00:36:57,550
Bhuletova.

574
00:36:57,884 --> 00:36:59,677
I'm just visiting
a friend of mine.

575
00:36:59,760 --> 00:37:00,887
Hmm.

576
00:37:03,931 --> 00:37:07,184
And would this friend
be the owner of the <i>Dot Calm?</i>

577
00:37:08,352 --> 00:37:09,437
Hmm.

578
00:37:09,520 --> 00:37:10,730
Yes, he would.

579
00:37:11,898 --> 00:37:13,566
(WAITRESS SCREAMS)
(DISHES CLATTERING)

580
00:37:16,527 --> 00:37:18,362
And what about you,

581
00:37:18,446 --> 00:37:19,447
Basil?

582
00:37:19,614 --> 00:37:21,949
Oh, I'm just here
on business.

583
00:37:22,199 --> 00:37:25,202
Although, it's rapidly
turning into pleasure.

584
00:37:29,290 --> 00:37:31,042
Ooh! I love these.

585
00:37:36,255 --> 00:37:37,465
They're really hot.

586
00:37:41,135 --> 00:37:42,678
(GROANING)

587
00:37:46,515 --> 00:37:48,184
Are you all right?

588
00:37:48,601 --> 00:37:49,936
Yes, fine.

589
00:37:50,186 --> 00:37:52,146
(HUFFING)

590
00:37:57,610 --> 00:37:58,903
(MUMBLES)

591
00:37:58,986 --> 00:38:00,029
Hmm.

592
00:38:02,365 --> 00:38:05,117
<i>(BOTH THANKING IN FRENCH)</i>

593
00:38:06,494 --> 00:38:07,578
Cheers.

594
00:38:08,037 --> 00:38:11,207
I'm not sure I've ever met a
man quite like you, Basil.

595
00:38:12,208 --> 00:38:14,543
Let me clear up
the uncertainty for you.

596
00:38:15,169 --> 00:38:16,545
You haven't.

597
00:38:17,588 --> 00:38:19,090
(SLURPING)

598
00:38:25,888 --> 00:38:27,223
(CLEARS THROAT)

599
00:38:27,890 --> 00:38:28,975
(CHUCKLES)

600
00:38:30,768 --> 00:38:35,189
I'm sorry, Basil. I have to get
up really early tomorrow morning.

601
00:38:35,564 --> 00:38:37,108
Oh, that's a shame.

602
00:38:37,858 --> 00:38:39,485
(SPEAKS FRENCH)

603
00:38:47,660 --> 00:38:49,328
How did you get on, sir?

604
00:38:49,453 --> 00:38:52,123
Oh, gosh, what a wonderful
woman, Bough. Wonderful.

605
00:38:52,248 --> 00:38:53,249
Right.

606
00:38:53,374 --> 00:38:55,251
Charming. Intelligent.

607
00:38:55,334 --> 00:38:59,046
Lovely sense of humor.
And obviously entirely innocent.

608
00:38:59,171 --> 00:39:02,299
Although, I broke into her room and
she does have three passports, sir.

609
00:39:02,383 --> 00:39:05,219
Romanian, Bulgarian, Russian.
Different name in each.

610
00:39:05,845 --> 00:39:08,222
So she's been married
to three different people.

611
00:39:08,347 --> 00:39:10,349
Not unusual in this day
and age, Bough.

612
00:39:10,474 --> 00:39:13,352
And I also found some garroting
wire and two boxes of ammunition.

613
00:39:13,436 --> 00:39:18,274
Well, single woman, traveling alone,
you can't be too careful.

614
00:39:19,442 --> 00:39:22,403
You don't think
she might be a spy, sir?

615
00:39:22,862 --> 00:39:24,780
A spy? (LAUGHS)

616
00:39:25,531 --> 00:39:28,284
I think I know
what a spy looks like, Bough.

617
00:39:28,367 --> 00:39:30,036
(OPHELIA AND MAN
SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

618
00:39:52,933 --> 00:39:54,268
(SIGHS)

619
00:40:01,609 --> 00:40:02,651
(CLICKS TONGUE)

620
00:40:14,413 --> 00:40:15,748
Oh.

621
00:40:16,582 --> 00:40:17,833
(SIGHS)

622
00:40:34,809 --> 00:40:35,976
(GRUNTS)

623
00:40:38,896 --> 00:40:40,106
(DOOR BEEPS)

624
00:40:56,956 --> 00:40:58,040
(GRUNTS)

625
00:41:00,334 --> 00:41:02,294
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

626
00:41:23,524 --> 00:41:25,985
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING
IN DISTANCE)

627
00:42:20,497 --> 00:42:21,582
(GRUNTS)

628
00:42:24,585 --> 00:42:25,836
(DANCE MUSIC
CONTINUES PLAYING)

629
00:42:29,089 --> 00:42:30,382
Oh!

630
00:42:49,360 --> 00:42:50,527
(CHUCKLES)

631
00:42:59,119 --> 00:43:00,246
Ah.

632
00:43:03,791 --> 00:43:04,917
(BOTH GRUNT)

633
00:43:10,422 --> 00:43:12,049
(CHEERING)

634
00:43:18,472 --> 00:43:19,974
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

635
00:43:25,729 --> 00:43:26,730
BOUGH: Sir?

636
00:43:27,022 --> 00:43:28,023
Sir!
(MUSIC STOPS)

637
00:43:29,358 --> 00:43:31,360
I just got off the phone
to P in London.

638
00:43:31,443 --> 00:43:33,004
He's found out who the
owner of that yacht is.

639
00:43:33,028 --> 00:43:34,029
Jason Volta.

640
00:43:34,113 --> 00:43:36,323
The world's most powerful
Internet billionaire, sir!

641
00:43:36,407 --> 00:43:37,783
And he's in London,
right now.

642
00:43:37,866 --> 00:43:41,287
The Prime Minister is personally
negotiating a trade deal with him.

643
00:43:42,288 --> 00:43:43,872
Well, what are we waiting for?

644
00:43:46,709 --> 00:43:48,752
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

645
00:43:51,171 --> 00:43:52,840
(TIRES SCREECHING)

646
00:44:10,566 --> 00:44:11,692
(YELPS)

647
00:44:15,112 --> 00:44:17,948
Do you think we might
slow down a little, sir?

648
00:44:18,741 --> 00:44:19,825
What?

649
00:44:21,994 --> 00:44:23,412
Never mind!

650
00:44:29,209 --> 00:44:31,462
NEWSCASTER:
<i>With what appears to be another cyber attack,</i>

651
00:44:31,545 --> 00:44:32,939
<i>pressure is mounting
on the Prime Minister.</i>

652
00:44:32,963 --> 00:44:34,923
Every train in England?
Yes, sir.

653
00:44:35,007 --> 00:44:38,093
They're all trying to terminate
at Bristol Temple Meads.

654
00:44:38,469 --> 00:44:40,346
(VOCALIZING)

655
00:44:41,305 --> 00:44:42,348
Morning, sir!

656
00:44:42,431 --> 00:44:44,516
You see this, English?
Yes!

657
00:44:45,434 --> 00:44:46,435
Please.

658
00:44:47,227 --> 00:44:48,562
(PEGASUS CLEARS THROAT)
Ooh!

659
00:44:49,146 --> 00:44:51,607
Tell me you've got something I
can take to the Prime Minister.

660
00:44:51,690 --> 00:44:54,693
Would the name of the man
responsible do, sir?

661
00:44:55,027 --> 00:44:56,612
Excellent, English, yes.

662
00:44:57,237 --> 00:44:59,531
(SLURRING) It's Jason...

663
00:45:02,409 --> 00:45:03,952
(SNORING)

664
00:45:09,708 --> 00:45:12,169
Volta, sir. Jason Volta.

665
00:45:12,586 --> 00:45:13,587
What?

666
00:45:13,754 --> 00:45:16,340
You're accusing the PM's
knight in shining armor?

667
00:45:16,423 --> 00:45:18,258
I'd need hard evidence.

668
00:45:18,342 --> 00:45:20,469
(MUMBLING)

669
00:45:25,391 --> 00:45:26,725
(SLOWLY) Which...

670
00:45:27,476 --> 00:45:29,978
...is why Agent English
is proposing

671
00:45:30,062 --> 00:45:32,606
a penetration of Volta's
country estate in Surrey.

672
00:45:32,815 --> 00:45:37,069
(GROGGILY)
Yes, yes, yes, yes...

673
00:45:37,152 --> 00:45:39,488
Well, do what you have
to do, English.

674
00:45:39,863 --> 00:45:41,865
But for God's sake,
be discreet about it.

675
00:45:42,074 --> 00:45:44,118
Oh! Oh.

676
00:45:44,201 --> 00:45:45,244
Good.

677
00:45:45,327 --> 00:45:46,412
Oh. Oh.

678
00:45:52,668 --> 00:45:54,378
"Virtual reality"?

679
00:45:54,503 --> 00:45:55,504
That's right, sir.

680
00:45:55,587 --> 00:45:57,947
P's built a computer model of
the inside of Volta's mansion.

681
00:45:58,006 --> 00:46:02,970
When you put on this headset, it will look
and feel as if you are inside the house.

682
00:46:03,053 --> 00:46:06,515
You'll be able to open and close doors,
walk up and down staircases,

683
00:46:06,598 --> 00:46:09,393
completely familiarize
yourself with its layout.

684
00:46:09,476 --> 00:46:12,729
This floor moves in any
direction. So you can walk...

685
00:46:13,981 --> 00:46:17,401
You can walk as far as you
want in the virtual world

686
00:46:18,152 --> 00:46:20,612
without ever actually
leaving this room.

687
00:46:20,988 --> 00:46:22,030
One thing though, sir.

688
00:46:23,240 --> 00:46:24,950
The experience can be
very disorientating.

689
00:46:25,033 --> 00:46:26,243
It's completely immersive

690
00:46:26,326 --> 00:46:29,371
and some people lose all track
of their actual surroundings.

691
00:46:29,455 --> 00:46:32,666
(SCOFFS) I think we can pretty much
guarantee that's not gonna happen.

692
00:46:33,000 --> 00:46:35,335
I'll just need you to sign the
health and safety releases.

693
00:46:35,669 --> 00:46:38,380
(SIGHS) Would you excuse
me while I find an iPad.

694
00:46:39,381 --> 00:46:42,676
Oh, go with him, Bough. If we don't
chivvy him along we'll be here all day.

695
00:46:45,179 --> 00:46:46,722
(SIGHS)

696
00:46:48,724 --> 00:46:49,975
Hmm.

697
00:47:10,162 --> 00:47:11,330
Ah.

698
00:47:11,747 --> 00:47:13,665
(ELECTRONIC MUSIC
PLAYING ON HEADPHONES)

699
00:47:24,259 --> 00:47:25,636
(HORN HONKING)

700
00:47:30,557 --> 00:47:32,309
(BRAKES SCREECH)
(HORN HONKING)

701
00:47:33,393 --> 00:47:34,394
MAN: Watch out!

702
00:47:36,355 --> 00:47:37,856
(HORNS HONKING)

703
00:47:39,066 --> 00:47:40,108
(RAPID BEEPING)

704
00:47:55,249 --> 00:47:56,708
(GROANS)

705
00:47:59,127 --> 00:48:00,796
(BEEPING)

706
00:48:02,673 --> 00:48:04,466
AUTOMATED VOICE: <i>Door closing.</i>

707
00:48:05,092 --> 00:48:06,426
<i>Going down.</i>

708
00:48:10,931 --> 00:48:12,099
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

709
00:48:12,182 --> 00:48:13,308
(GROANS)

710
00:48:16,728 --> 00:48:17,771
(GROANING)

711
00:48:17,896 --> 00:48:19,481
(IMITATING GUNFIRE)

712
00:48:28,574 --> 00:48:30,158
(BEEPING)

713
00:48:34,705 --> 00:48:36,081
(BRAKES SCREECH)

714
00:48:36,164 --> 00:48:37,624
(PANTING)

715
00:48:37,708 --> 00:48:39,042
(DOG WHINES)

716
00:48:41,670 --> 00:48:43,672
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

717
00:48:45,465 --> 00:48:46,675
(GRUNTS)

718
00:48:47,175 --> 00:48:48,927
(BEEPING)

719
00:48:56,435 --> 00:48:58,186
(COFFEE MACHINE WHIRRING)

720
00:49:07,154 --> 00:49:08,322
Hey!

721
00:49:08,447 --> 00:49:09,489
(GASPS)

722
00:49:09,781 --> 00:49:11,575
(GRUNTING)

723
00:49:13,243 --> 00:49:14,995
(SCREAMING)
(BRAKES SCREECH)

724
00:49:15,996 --> 00:49:17,539
(CHUCKLES)
(HORNS HONKING)

725
00:49:17,623 --> 00:49:18,999
(RAPID BEEPING)

726
00:49:23,795 --> 00:49:25,690
I'm sorry, sir,
but you're going to have to leave.

727
00:49:25,714 --> 00:49:26,757
Ow.

728
00:49:27,049 --> 00:49:28,091
Ow.

729
00:49:29,384 --> 00:49:30,802
(GRUNTING)

730
00:49:34,264 --> 00:49:35,349
(EXHALES)

731
00:49:35,432 --> 00:49:36,475
(CHUCKLES)

732
00:49:37,184 --> 00:49:38,226
(GLASS SHATTERS)

733
00:49:47,569 --> 00:49:49,071
(BELL DINGS)

734
00:49:51,740 --> 00:49:54,868
TOUR GUIDE: So,
we'll shortly be arriving at Admiralty House.

735
00:49:54,993 --> 00:49:58,914
And, er, that actually used to be
Oliver Cromwell's own house. Um...

736
00:50:00,707 --> 00:50:02,042
Uh...

737
00:50:02,167 --> 00:50:05,671
And then we'll be going
to Horse Guards Parade.

738
00:50:05,754 --> 00:50:07,381
(GRUNTING)

739
00:50:08,423 --> 00:50:10,217
Perhaps you'd like
to sit down, sir?

740
00:50:10,300 --> 00:50:11,885
(BOTH GROANING)

741
00:50:12,969 --> 00:50:14,846
MAN: Hey, whoa!

742
00:50:15,472 --> 00:50:16,973
(GRUNTING)

743
00:50:19,476 --> 00:50:20,894
I've got them!

744
00:50:21,395 --> 00:50:23,647
(BOTH GROANING)

745
00:50:25,565 --> 00:50:29,528
However, the agent we have on this mission
is confident he's making major progress.

746
00:50:29,611 --> 00:50:32,406
And, uh, yes, we have a potential suspect,
he's been identified.

747
00:50:32,906 --> 00:50:36,910
And further covert
investigations are now ongoing.

748
00:50:36,993 --> 00:50:38,120
(ALL GASP)

749
00:50:38,203 --> 00:50:39,413
Yes, quite.

750
00:50:39,663 --> 00:50:42,582
So I expect to have more
to announce on this front

751
00:50:44,334 --> 00:50:45,502
shortly.

752
00:50:50,507 --> 00:50:51,800
(BELL DINGS)

753
00:50:58,098 --> 00:50:59,266
(BEEPING)

754
00:50:59,391 --> 00:51:00,559
Oh.

755
00:51:01,435 --> 00:51:02,436
BOUGH: Sir?

756
00:51:02,519 --> 00:51:03,645
Mmm?

757
00:51:03,729 --> 00:51:06,565
Is everything all right, sir?
Yes, I've done it, Bough.

758
00:51:06,815 --> 00:51:09,568
Child's play. Don't know what
all the fuss was about.

759
00:51:12,446 --> 00:51:15,407
(SIRENS WAILING)

760
00:51:16,158 --> 00:51:17,367
(DOOR CLOSES)

761
00:51:18,160 --> 00:51:20,036
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

762
00:51:23,165 --> 00:51:25,167
<i>Pleasure to see you again,
Prime Minister.</i>

763
00:51:26,793 --> 00:51:29,713
(WHISPERING) It's a hologram.
Apparently you just speak to it normally.

764
00:51:31,381 --> 00:51:33,550
The pleasure's all mine.

765
00:51:33,633 --> 00:51:37,512
Hate to rush you, but was there
something in particular you needed?

766
00:51:37,596 --> 00:51:40,265
Actually, I was just calling
really to see

767
00:51:40,348 --> 00:51:44,394
if you had had a chance
to think things over.

768
00:51:44,644 --> 00:51:45,645
<i>I have.</i>

769
00:51:48,148 --> 00:51:51,735
But the thing is, Fiona, I just don't
really do other people's security.

770
00:51:51,818 --> 00:51:55,197
<i>Not that I don't want to.
But your infrastructure is old.</i>

771
00:51:55,530 --> 00:51:57,258
Plus the only way I could keep
you secure in the meantime

772
00:51:57,282 --> 00:52:00,827
would be by storing all your
data on my own servers.

773
00:52:00,911 --> 00:52:03,038
<i>Obviously, that would be...</i>
Yes. Jason,

774
00:52:03,121 --> 00:52:07,083
what I really want to do is announce
this tie-up at the G12 meeting.

775
00:52:07,959 --> 00:52:10,295
<i>Do we have a deal?</i>

776
00:52:10,378 --> 00:52:11,671
(LAUGHS)

777
00:52:19,471 --> 00:52:21,139
BOUGH: Good luck, sir.

778
00:52:39,825 --> 00:52:40,826
JASON: Hey.

779
00:52:40,992 --> 00:52:41,993
MAN: Sir?

780
00:52:42,077 --> 00:52:44,579
I said to get the chopper ready.
Right there.

781
00:52:44,663 --> 00:52:45,872
MAN: Sir. Right away, sir.

782
00:52:46,039 --> 00:52:47,249
Thank you.

783
00:52:47,457 --> 00:52:49,042
MAN: Tyler, come in.
TYLER: <i>Copy.</i>

784
00:52:49,459 --> 00:52:51,419
MAN: Tyler, can you prepare
the chopper now?

785
00:52:51,545 --> 00:52:54,339
TYLER: <i>We'll have everything ready
for you in a couple of minutes.</i>

786
00:52:58,385 --> 00:52:59,469
(CLATTERS)

787
00:53:24,244 --> 00:53:25,579
(CHUCKLES)

788
00:53:25,662 --> 00:53:28,665
We can't keep meeting
like this, Mr. Golightly.

789
00:53:28,748 --> 00:53:30,083
Oh, yes.

790
00:53:30,166 --> 00:53:33,128
Or do you want to end this charade
and tell me your real name?

791
00:53:33,420 --> 00:53:34,963
(DOOR OPENS)
Go.

792
00:53:35,422 --> 00:53:37,424
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

793
00:53:37,883 --> 00:53:41,761
There's so much you don't understand
about this world you've got caught up in.

794
00:53:42,846 --> 00:53:46,224
Spare me the idiot act.
You're British Secret Service.

795
00:53:47,434 --> 00:53:51,187
Impressive work in France, by the way.
When did you realize I was a spy, too?

796
00:53:52,689 --> 00:53:55,984
Oh, pretty much straight away.

797
00:53:56,860 --> 00:53:57,903
Hmm.

798
00:54:00,280 --> 00:54:04,284
I've spent two years undercover.
Simple operation until you showed up.

799
00:54:04,492 --> 00:54:06,244
And I like
to keep things simple.

800
00:54:07,120 --> 00:54:08,997
"Simple" is my middle name.

801
00:54:10,206 --> 00:54:11,374
(DOOR OPENS)
(GASPS)

802
00:54:11,458 --> 00:54:12,667
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

803
00:54:13,251 --> 00:54:15,128
It would seem you've got
a choice to make.

804
00:54:17,756 --> 00:54:21,676
Temporary suspension of hostilities?
A short-term partnership?

805
00:54:22,844 --> 00:54:24,012
Agreed.
Hmm.

806
00:54:26,681 --> 00:54:27,849
(GROANS)

807
00:54:30,644 --> 00:54:31,811
Hmm.

808
00:54:31,978 --> 00:54:34,940
JASON: Politicians are even more
gullible than venture capitalists.

809
00:54:35,023 --> 00:54:36,024
XANDER: <i>That is correct.</i>

810
00:54:36,107 --> 00:54:37,387
Get me a copy
of the target list.

811
00:54:37,651 --> 00:54:39,986
We'll hit them once more
just to be on the safe side.

812
00:54:40,528 --> 00:54:43,657
Give me your phone.
You don't have a phone?

813
00:54:43,782 --> 00:54:46,159
A phone will give anyone
your precise location.

814
00:54:46,242 --> 00:54:48,912
And yet they're so useful
for making phone calls.

815
00:54:48,995 --> 00:54:51,373
JASON: Excellent.
I'm not phoning anyone.

816
00:54:52,123 --> 00:54:55,043
I'm gathering evidence.

817
00:54:56,920 --> 00:55:00,757
XANDER: <i>The target list, Jason.
Four iconic central London landmarks.</i>

818
00:55:00,882 --> 00:55:02,968
<i>Make your selection.</i>
Number three.

819
00:55:03,093 --> 00:55:04,928
XANDER: <i>The London Eye.</i>

820
00:55:06,179 --> 00:55:11,393
<i>This cyber attack could potentially
impact 16,000 visitors.</i>

821
00:55:11,476 --> 00:55:13,645
(POP SONG PLAYING LOUDLY
ON CELL PHONE)

822
00:55:16,731 --> 00:55:19,234
I found him snooping
around upstairs.

823
00:55:20,318 --> 00:55:22,237
And who are you exactly?

824
00:55:22,362 --> 00:55:23,822
I'm not telling you anything.

825
00:55:23,905 --> 00:55:24,948
Hmm.

826
00:55:25,991 --> 00:55:28,159
XANDER: <i>Face recognition
software launched.</i>

827
00:55:28,493 --> 00:55:31,955
<i>Johnny English is a geography
teacher from Lincolnshire.</i>

828
00:55:32,414 --> 00:55:36,251
Rather heavily armed for a lesson
on European capitals, Mr. English.

829
00:55:36,334 --> 00:55:37,377
(CHUCKLES)

830
00:55:38,753 --> 00:55:39,963
Any thoughts, sweetheart?

831
00:55:40,964 --> 00:55:42,882
He's British Intelligence.

832
00:55:42,966 --> 00:55:44,092
(JASON CHUCKLES)

833
00:55:44,175 --> 00:55:46,344
And there you have it,
two words that have

834
00:55:46,428 --> 00:55:49,347
no right being
in the same sentence together.

835
00:55:49,723 --> 00:55:52,726
(CHUCKLES) Do you really think
I came here alone?

836
00:55:53,101 --> 00:55:56,396
I have a team of crack operatives out there,
right now,

837
00:55:56,479 --> 00:55:57,981
just waiting to strike.

838
00:55:58,064 --> 00:55:59,357
Uh-huh.

839
00:56:00,650 --> 00:56:02,193
(BEEPS)

840
00:56:02,360 --> 00:56:04,362
(BOUGH PANTING)
(DOG BARKING)

841
00:56:04,446 --> 00:56:05,488
<i>Sir!</i>

842
00:56:05,572 --> 00:56:07,741
(LAUGHING)

843
00:56:08,700 --> 00:56:10,994
What has happened
to this country?

844
00:56:11,119 --> 00:56:13,830
How is it possible
that less than a century ago

845
00:56:13,913 --> 00:56:16,916
the British Empire
ruled a quarter of the globe

846
00:56:17,042 --> 00:56:20,628
and now it's relying
on someone

847
00:56:21,796 --> 00:56:24,215
like you? (LAUGHS)

848
00:56:28,762 --> 00:56:29,804
Hey! Stop!

849
00:56:31,139 --> 00:56:32,140
Stop him?

850
00:56:33,892 --> 00:56:35,810
(GRUNTS)
(DOOR BEEPS)

851
00:56:38,229 --> 00:56:39,314
(CHUCKLES)

852
00:56:46,071 --> 00:56:47,072
Go.

853
00:56:55,538 --> 00:56:56,956
Close the gates.
MAN: Yes, sir.

854
00:56:59,542 --> 00:57:00,752
(LAUGHS)

855
00:57:05,548 --> 00:57:06,758
(GATES CLOSE)

856
00:57:07,842 --> 00:57:09,177
Help! Stop!

857
00:57:09,260 --> 00:57:11,638
Obstacle directly ahead,
Mrs. Trattner.

858
00:57:11,763 --> 00:57:15,683
Check your mirrors
and bring the car to a stop.

859
00:57:18,019 --> 00:57:19,729
Er, excuse me. Hey.

860
00:57:19,854 --> 00:57:21,648
(STAMMERS)

861
00:57:21,731 --> 00:57:22,732
Thank you.
(GRUNTS)

862
00:57:26,319 --> 00:57:27,320
Drive!

863
00:57:28,404 --> 00:57:29,531
(WHIMPERS)

864
00:57:29,614 --> 00:57:30,615
Excuse me.

865
00:57:30,698 --> 00:57:32,510
MRS. TRATTNER: What...
What do you think you're doing?

866
00:57:32,534 --> 00:57:35,120
INSTRUCTOR: Excuse me!
You are not a qualified instructor.

867
00:57:36,162 --> 00:57:37,705
(SCREAMING)

868
00:57:44,295 --> 00:57:46,548
But what about my instructor?
Turn left.

869
00:57:46,631 --> 00:57:47,674
Oh.

870
00:57:48,550 --> 00:57:49,592
Turn right.

871
00:57:54,013 --> 00:57:56,558
For future reference,
I'm on your left.

872
00:57:56,891 --> 00:58:00,395
Please, stop.
I can't do this anymore!

873
00:58:02,856 --> 00:58:04,357
(WHIMPERING)

874
00:58:04,774 --> 00:58:06,359
I can't see anything now!

875
00:58:06,860 --> 00:58:07,861
Good.

876
00:58:19,539 --> 00:58:21,499
When I say "go,"
turn sharp right.

877
00:58:21,583 --> 00:58:22,792
Uh-huh.

878
00:58:26,588 --> 00:58:28,840
Three, two, one.

879
00:58:29,340 --> 00:58:30,341
Go!

880
00:58:30,717 --> 00:58:33,094
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(WHIMPERING)

881
00:58:33,595 --> 00:58:35,513
And straighten up,
straighten up, straighten up.

882
00:58:35,597 --> 00:58:36,806
And go!

883
00:58:37,599 --> 00:58:38,600
Let's go, let's go.

884
00:58:41,227 --> 00:58:42,562
(SCOFFS)

885
00:58:47,400 --> 00:58:49,319
Oh, now just bear left
a little. Good.

886
00:58:49,736 --> 00:58:51,112
Straighten up, straighten up.

887
00:58:55,575 --> 00:58:56,576
Good!

888
00:59:00,705 --> 00:59:02,999
Well, that was
very good, Mrs. Trattner.

889
00:59:03,166 --> 00:59:04,667
(MRS. TRATTNER WHIMPERING)

890
00:59:05,752 --> 00:59:07,962
I think you made
some real progress today.

891
00:59:09,547 --> 00:59:11,066
PEGASUS: <i>You're
not hearing me, English.</i>

892
00:59:11,090 --> 00:59:14,153
<i>Given the Prime Minister's new friendship
with Volta, the situation has changed.</i>

893
00:59:14,177 --> 00:59:18,806
But the facts haven't, sir.
That attack is Volta's responsibility.

894
00:59:18,890 --> 00:59:21,351
According to you, but not
according to anyone else.

895
00:59:21,434 --> 00:59:22,852
PRIME MINISTER:
Is he here yet?

896
00:59:23,478 --> 00:59:25,855
Good afternoon, Prime Minister.
So, this is, uh...

897
00:59:26,105 --> 00:59:28,900
English, Prime Minister.
Johnny English.

898
00:59:29,192 --> 00:59:31,694
What exactly do you have
to say for yourself?

899
00:59:31,986 --> 00:59:33,738
Rather a lot, actually.

900
00:59:34,030 --> 00:59:37,617
However, men like me don't deal
in prevarication, Prime Minister,

901
00:59:37,700 --> 00:59:39,369
so let me get
straight to the point.

902
00:59:39,452 --> 00:59:42,705
Jason Volta is the man
behind these attacks.

903
00:59:42,789 --> 00:59:45,375
And I have the evidence
to prove it.

904
00:59:46,417 --> 00:59:50,129
I managed to record this
inside Volta's country lair.

905
00:59:50,255 --> 00:59:51,756
But I should warn you,
Prime Minister,

906
00:59:51,881 --> 00:59:55,802
that what you're about to see
is evil incarnate.

907
00:59:57,804 --> 00:59:59,013
Hmm.

908
01:00:01,224 --> 01:00:04,185
<i>Here we are
at Fifi's third birthday!</i>

909
01:00:04,269 --> 01:00:06,521
<i>And it's a very exciting day!</i>

910
01:00:06,604 --> 01:00:08,022
(GUESTS LAUGHING)

911
01:00:08,314 --> 01:00:11,067
ALL: <i>Hip hip, hooray!
Hip hip, hooray!</i>

912
01:00:12,110 --> 01:00:15,280
ALL: (SINGING)
<i>Happy birthday to you</i>

913
01:00:16,447 --> 01:00:20,285
<i>Happy birthday to you</i>

914
01:00:20,368 --> 01:00:21,577
(VIDEO STOPS)

915
01:00:21,661 --> 01:00:22,662
Thank you.

916
01:00:23,121 --> 01:00:25,540
Can I just ask,
what is wrong with you?

917
01:00:26,833 --> 01:00:29,210
The country is in a state
of complete chaos.

918
01:00:29,294 --> 01:00:30,461
The press is wetting itself,

919
01:00:30,545 --> 01:00:32,505
and the only person
capable of saving us

920
01:00:32,588 --> 01:00:34,841
is the man you're accusing
of high treason.

921
01:00:35,800 --> 01:00:39,095
I was in the room myself when he
gave the order, Prime Minister!

922
01:00:39,220 --> 01:00:40,430
But there was a...

923
01:00:40,513 --> 01:00:42,199
Do you know what I was
in the room with, English?

924
01:00:42,223 --> 01:00:43,909
Your file, which I've read,
in its entirety,

925
01:00:43,933 --> 01:00:45,013
and I have a few questions.

926
01:00:45,101 --> 01:00:46,644
Did you or did you not burn

927
01:00:46,728 --> 01:00:49,188
the Cote de Roc restaurant in
Antibes to the ground?

928
01:00:49,272 --> 01:00:50,356
Um...

929
01:00:50,440 --> 01:00:52,817
And did you or did you
not fire a guided missile

930
01:00:52,942 --> 01:00:54,569
at a peloton
of French cyclists?

931
01:00:55,111 --> 01:00:56,112
Well...

932
01:00:56,237 --> 01:00:57,655
Before commandeering
an open-top bus

933
01:00:57,780 --> 01:00:59,907
and tossing the tour guide
off the top deck,

934
01:01:00,033 --> 01:01:02,344
and then assaulting an 82-year-old
grandmother in a sandwich shop

935
01:01:02,368 --> 01:01:04,620
before battering the employee
of said sandwich shop

936
01:01:04,704 --> 01:01:06,622
with two organic
sourdough baguettes?

937
01:01:07,749 --> 01:01:09,500
Uh, I don't remember the...

938
01:01:09,625 --> 01:01:12,712
Do you have any idea
how hard it is to be me?

939
01:01:14,297 --> 01:01:15,923
Uh...
PRIME MINISTER: Hmm?

940
01:01:16,841 --> 01:01:18,843
Do you have even
the foggiest notion

941
01:01:18,968 --> 01:01:22,472
of how virtually impossible
it is to get anything done

942
01:01:22,597 --> 01:01:27,268
in the face of events
and facts and voters

943
01:01:27,393 --> 01:01:30,521
and that tsunami of tosspots
we call "the national press"?

944
01:01:30,646 --> 01:01:33,983
Finally I get the chance to do
something good for my country,

945
01:01:34,067 --> 01:01:35,318
and what happens?

946
01:01:35,443 --> 01:01:38,029
The universe sends me you.

947
01:01:39,781 --> 01:01:41,324
Well, do you know what I say?

948
01:01:41,407 --> 01:01:44,327
I say, up the universe's arse!

949
01:01:44,452 --> 01:01:46,496
And do you know what else I say?
You're fired.

950
01:01:46,579 --> 01:01:48,623
With immediate effect.
Now get out!

951
01:01:48,998 --> 01:01:53,044
And make sure I never clap eyes
on that imbecile ever again!

952
01:01:53,169 --> 01:01:55,171
(FOOTSTEPS RECEDING)

953
01:02:02,220 --> 01:02:03,679
(KEYS JANGLING)

954
01:02:09,227 --> 01:02:10,561
(SIGHS)

955
01:02:19,195 --> 01:02:21,072
(ENGINE STALLING)

956
01:02:27,829 --> 01:02:29,622
(THUNDER RUMBLING)

957
01:02:35,002 --> 01:02:36,838
BOUGH: What
are you doing, sir?

958
01:02:37,922 --> 01:02:41,050
What do you think I'm doing,
Bough? I'm going home.

959
01:02:41,426 --> 01:02:43,845
But the Prime Minister is
finalizing her deal with Volta.

960
01:02:43,970 --> 01:02:47,223
She's taking him to the G12 Summit
in Scotland as her special guest.

961
01:02:47,348 --> 01:02:51,352
It's over, Bough. And there's
absolutely nothing we can do about it.

962
01:02:52,061 --> 01:02:54,730
But, sir, I have a plan.

963
01:02:55,106 --> 01:02:56,899
Remember my wife?

964
01:03:05,783 --> 01:03:07,076
Clear your baffles.

965
01:03:07,785 --> 01:03:09,579
(MOUTHS) What?
Mind your head, sir.

966
01:03:09,662 --> 01:03:10,746
Ow!

967
01:03:13,833 --> 01:03:15,084
This says we're sinking.

968
01:03:18,754 --> 01:03:23,634
She's old and a little rusty, but she can
put on a hell of a fireworks display.

969
01:03:40,526 --> 01:03:42,320
Excellent work, Commander.

970
01:03:42,612 --> 01:03:45,406
Jeremy has always spoken very
highly of you, Agent English.

971
01:03:46,574 --> 01:03:47,575
Who?

972
01:03:49,494 --> 01:03:50,661
Oh.

973
01:03:50,745 --> 01:03:52,413
Oh, yes, yes.

974
01:03:54,290 --> 01:03:56,417
I'm no fan of the pen pushers myself,
so

975
01:03:56,501 --> 01:03:58,520
when orders came through
stationing us here for the Summit,

976
01:03:58,544 --> 01:04:00,963
well,
I thought a lift was the least I could do.

977
01:04:01,297 --> 01:04:03,216
Right, let's get
a move on, Bough.

978
01:04:04,634 --> 01:04:06,445
Oh, if you wouldn't mind
keeping your mobiles off

979
01:04:06,469 --> 01:04:07,829
until you're well clear,
gentlemen.

980
01:04:07,887 --> 01:04:10,389
The launch systems on the
missiles are a bit 1980s.

981
01:04:10,473 --> 01:04:13,226
Gets a tad twitchy
around microwave radiation.

982
01:04:13,351 --> 01:04:17,355
No problem there, Commander.
We're doing this mission old-school.

983
01:04:23,319 --> 01:04:24,820
(GRAPPLE GUN FIRES)

984
01:04:27,490 --> 01:04:29,158
This spot is perfect.

985
01:04:30,743 --> 01:04:32,078
Come on.

986
01:04:33,496 --> 01:04:35,289
(STRAINING)

987
01:04:41,754 --> 01:04:43,756
(PANTING)

988
01:04:44,465 --> 01:04:46,133
(YELPING)

989
01:04:47,593 --> 01:04:48,594
(WHISPERS) Sorry, sir.

990
01:04:48,678 --> 01:04:50,137
Come on, come on...

991
01:04:52,014 --> 01:04:53,766
Right, Bough.
Our mission here is simple.

992
01:04:53,933 --> 01:04:57,311
Gain access to Volta's bedroom
and take him out.

993
01:04:57,728 --> 01:04:59,808
BOUGH: How are you going to get up there,
though, sir?

994
01:05:00,064 --> 01:05:03,359
A walk in the park
for the exoskeleton.

995
01:05:09,824 --> 01:05:12,868
ENGLISH: Remotely operated
neoprene bodysuit.

996
01:05:12,994 --> 01:05:15,913
Increases the wearer's
strength 100 times.

997
01:05:16,289 --> 01:05:19,584
Right, power it up.
Stick in the floppy disk and let's go.

998
01:05:23,254 --> 01:05:24,672
(BEEPING)

999
01:05:27,883 --> 01:05:28,884
Just...

1000
01:05:45,359 --> 01:05:46,569
Crikey, sir!

1001
01:06:03,002 --> 01:06:04,837
JASON: When will
the weapon be ready?

1002
01:06:04,962 --> 01:06:08,591
XANDER: <i>As soon as the Prime Minister
signs the agreement, tonight.</i>

1003
01:06:08,716 --> 01:06:10,051
JASON: How do I fire it?

1004
01:06:10,176 --> 01:06:12,762
<i>Press once and the attack
is launched.</i>

1005
01:06:13,012 --> 01:06:16,474
<i>After which, the data
of every G12 country</i>

1006
01:06:16,599 --> 01:06:20,102
<i>will be transferred to the
servers onboard the</i> Dot Calm.

1007
01:06:20,186 --> 01:06:21,187
JASON: Perfect.

1008
01:06:22,855 --> 01:06:23,939
Ah.

1009
01:06:25,358 --> 01:06:26,359
Cheers.

1010
01:06:31,572 --> 01:06:33,407
(EXHALES)

1011
01:06:34,784 --> 01:06:38,079
You're working for Russian Intelligence
and you have been from the start.

1012
01:06:38,579 --> 01:06:41,379
Which is why I've taken an antidote
to the poison you keep in your ring,

1013
01:06:41,415 --> 01:06:43,084
and which you've poured
into this drink.

1014
01:06:44,835 --> 01:06:47,129
And removed the firing pin
from that pistol.

1015
01:06:48,464 --> 01:06:49,590
(GUN CLICKING)

1016
01:06:52,677 --> 01:06:54,136
(BREATHING HEAVILY)

1017
01:06:55,971 --> 01:06:57,932
Everyone has to make a life
for themselves.

1018
01:06:58,224 --> 01:07:00,351
It's just sad that yours is

1019
01:07:01,435 --> 01:07:02,478
over.

1020
01:07:02,561 --> 01:07:03,646
Hmm.

1021
01:07:03,729 --> 01:07:07,024
Fresh from my 3D printer.
Hundred percent plastic.

1022
01:07:10,236 --> 01:07:11,904
And 100% deadly.

1023
01:07:13,072 --> 01:07:14,990
Killing me won't save you.
(JASON CHUCKLES)

1024
01:07:15,908 --> 01:07:16,909
Don't bet on it.

1025
01:07:18,202 --> 01:07:20,079
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

1026
01:07:21,664 --> 01:07:24,041
Seriously,
this cannot be happening.

1027
01:07:24,250 --> 01:07:26,127
Oh, but it is.

1028
01:07:27,169 --> 01:07:28,337
Drop the gun.

1029
01:07:29,255 --> 01:07:30,589
Get your hands in the air.

1030
01:07:31,549 --> 01:07:32,550
And you.

1031
01:07:40,641 --> 01:07:41,934
There's no time
for this, Johnny.

1032
01:07:42,810 --> 01:07:44,270
Oh, it isn't possible.

1033
01:07:44,353 --> 01:07:47,106
You cannot be working
with this English idiot!

1034
01:07:47,189 --> 01:07:50,609
Save the pillow talk
for your prison cell, Volta.

1035
01:07:50,943 --> 01:07:54,780
Are you inside, sir?
Yes, yes, Bough, you can power down.

1036
01:07:55,156 --> 01:07:56,991
Everything is under control.

1037
01:07:57,950 --> 01:07:59,285
Shut down.
(BEEPS)

1038
01:07:59,368 --> 01:08:00,453
(POWERING DOWN)

1039
01:08:00,745 --> 01:08:01,912
(SCREAMING)

1040
01:08:04,498 --> 01:08:05,875
(CONTINUES SCREAMING)

1041
01:08:15,551 --> 01:08:17,261
(GRUNTING)

1042
01:08:23,851 --> 01:08:26,270
REPORTER: An historic venue
for an historic meeting.

1043
01:08:26,353 --> 01:08:30,274
The delegates from each G12 member
nation will have their own priorities...

1044
01:08:30,399 --> 01:08:32,318
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

1045
01:08:39,867 --> 01:08:41,368
(SHIVERING)

1046
01:08:41,619 --> 01:08:43,162
How do we get in now, sir?

1047
01:08:43,370 --> 01:08:45,206
(TEETH CHATTERING)

1048
01:08:46,499 --> 01:08:48,667
(BAGPIPES PLAYING)

1049
01:08:51,921 --> 01:08:53,589
(STAMMERS) What's the plan?

1050
01:08:55,591 --> 01:08:57,218
(BAND PLAYING FOLK MUSIC)

1051
01:09:05,434 --> 01:09:07,520
(PLAYING OFF-KEY)

1052
01:09:28,666 --> 01:09:30,084
GUARD: Hey, you!

1053
01:09:30,751 --> 01:09:31,836
Hey!

1054
01:09:44,640 --> 01:09:46,267
(REPORTERS CLAMORING)

1055
01:09:47,893 --> 01:09:50,688
Thank you very much.
I hope you have everything you need.

1056
01:10:07,580 --> 01:10:08,789
ENGLISH: Ow!

1057
01:10:09,039 --> 01:10:10,583
On behalf
of the United Kingdom,

1058
01:10:10,708 --> 01:10:14,253
may I welcome you here today to
this ancient meeting chamber

1059
01:10:14,378 --> 01:10:16,672
where the great Scottish clans

1060
01:10:16,797 --> 01:10:20,551
once settled their differences
and forged new alliances.

1061
01:10:21,302 --> 01:10:23,512
A place I have
specifically chosen

1062
01:10:23,596 --> 01:10:26,807
in order to make
a very special announcement.

1063
01:10:27,808 --> 01:10:28,809
(ENGLISH GROANING)
Sir?

1064
01:10:30,102 --> 01:10:34,064
Are you all right, sir? ENGLISH: No,
I'm not all right. Get me up, Bough.

1065
01:10:34,148 --> 01:10:36,400
(BOTH GRUNTING)

1066
01:10:37,776 --> 01:10:41,322
It's very heavy, sir.
I know how heavy it is, Bough.

1067
01:10:44,241 --> 01:10:45,951
We've got to get
to the conference...

1068
01:10:47,870 --> 01:10:50,080
To the conference room
before Volta...

1069
01:10:51,790 --> 01:10:54,001
Before Volta triggers
his weapon.

1070
01:10:55,544 --> 01:10:59,340
And so, with my signature
on this agreement...

1071
01:11:01,050 --> 01:11:03,135
...it gives me
great pleasure, oh,

1072
01:11:03,218 --> 01:11:07,932
to welcome to you my guest,
my friend, Jason Volta.

1073
01:11:10,851 --> 01:11:14,188
XANDER: (IN EARPIECE) <i>Standing
by to launch attack, Jason.</i>

1074
01:11:14,480 --> 01:11:16,649
Damn it, get me out of this stuff.
Johnny?

1075
01:11:16,774 --> 01:11:18,877
BOUGH: I can't see the join, sir.
ENGLISH: It's the clasp.

1076
01:11:18,901 --> 01:11:21,862
Release the clasp and the
top and the bottom separate.

1077
01:11:23,822 --> 01:11:25,783
BOUGH: Must have jammed
when you fell over, sir.

1078
01:11:25,950 --> 01:11:27,993
For goodness sake.
Wait. Try this.

1079
01:11:31,372 --> 01:11:33,040
(OIL SQUIRTING)

1080
01:11:34,875 --> 01:11:36,877
That is quite
a lot of oil, sir.

1081
01:11:37,962 --> 01:11:40,381
Oh, come on!
Come on, come on...

1082
01:11:41,507 --> 01:11:45,219
Can you imagine what the world would
look like if it was run by Apple?

1083
01:11:46,679 --> 01:11:49,098
Or Google? Or...

1084
01:11:49,640 --> 01:11:50,724
Me?

1085
01:11:50,933 --> 01:11:52,935
(CHUCKLING)
(SHUSHES)

1086
01:11:53,978 --> 01:11:56,063
Do you think
you'd have failing schools?

1087
01:11:56,814 --> 01:11:59,149
Do you think you'd have endless
waiting in your hospitals?

1088
01:11:59,233 --> 01:12:00,234
No.

1089
01:12:00,317 --> 01:12:03,070
Think you'd have such long
lines in your airports?

1090
01:12:03,195 --> 01:12:04,738
No.
PRIME MINISTER: No.

1091
01:12:05,072 --> 01:12:09,493
No, because all of these are
simple data management problems.

1092
01:12:09,618 --> 01:12:12,287
And people like me,
we love data.

1093
01:12:13,038 --> 01:12:15,708
We live for data.

1094
01:12:16,125 --> 01:12:17,835
ENGLISH: Ha!
My...

1095
01:12:17,960 --> 01:12:20,295
Do you know
what I live for, Volta?

1096
01:12:20,379 --> 01:12:21,439
(PEOPLE MURMURING)
PRIME MINISTER: God.

1097
01:12:21,463 --> 01:12:26,844
Eliminating the threat that lying
villains like you pose to this country.

1098
01:12:27,136 --> 01:12:28,345
Oh, for God's sake.

1099
01:12:28,637 --> 01:12:30,180
Who is he?
(MURMURING CONTINUES)

1100
01:12:30,347 --> 01:12:31,765
Arrest this whack job.

1101
01:12:31,890 --> 01:12:34,977
The only person ordering an
arrest around here will be me.

1102
01:12:35,769 --> 01:12:38,147
There's no cause for concern,
ladies and gentlemen,

1103
01:12:38,272 --> 01:12:42,943
you are now in the capable hands
of Her Majesty's Secret Service.

1104
01:12:43,277 --> 01:12:47,948
And you, my friend, are in for
an uncomfortable ride.

1105
01:12:48,240 --> 01:12:49,408
(GASPS)

1106
01:12:53,203 --> 01:12:54,705
(ENGLISH SCREAMING)

1107
01:12:56,582 --> 01:12:59,668
(ARMOR CLATTERING)

1108
01:12:59,752 --> 01:13:01,587
(CRASHING)
(OBJECTS CLATTERING)

1109
01:13:04,465 --> 01:13:05,799
Where was I?

1110
01:13:07,259 --> 01:13:09,011
Living for data.

1111
01:13:09,386 --> 01:13:10,471
Exactly.

1112
01:13:11,805 --> 01:13:16,810
My algorithms can solve every one of your
problems as long as I have one thing.

1113
01:13:16,894 --> 01:13:17,978
Control.

1114
01:13:18,645 --> 01:13:21,982
And that is what you are about
to give me now.

1115
01:13:22,608 --> 01:13:24,777
Jason, I wonder
if you could just clarify...

1116
01:13:24,860 --> 01:13:25,944
Shut up.

1117
01:13:26,487 --> 01:13:27,738
(ALL PROTESTING)
Now, hold on.

1118
01:13:29,073 --> 01:13:30,741
XANDER: <i>Castle now locked down</i>

1119
01:13:31,784 --> 01:13:34,036
<i>and under your control, Jason.</i>

1120
01:13:35,996 --> 01:13:38,415
The agreement this ignoramus
just signed

1121
01:13:38,499 --> 01:13:41,168
didn't just give me access
to all the UK's data.

1122
01:13:41,293 --> 01:13:45,255
It also gave me access to a junction box,
in North Ayrshire

1123
01:13:45,380 --> 01:13:47,925
that connects
the entire World Wide Web.

1124
01:13:48,217 --> 01:13:53,889
Disable the fiber-optic cables in that
box and the Internet will cease to exist.

1125
01:13:55,182 --> 01:13:57,768
(ENGLISH GROANING)
OPHELIA: Johnny? Are you okay?

1126
01:13:58,685 --> 01:14:00,646
(BOTH GRUNTING)

1127
01:14:05,109 --> 01:14:07,945
Have you got a phone?
We need to call for backup.

1128
01:14:08,028 --> 01:14:10,989
There's no time for backup.
I'm going after Volta.

1129
01:14:11,073 --> 01:14:12,783
And don't lose that one!

1130
01:14:13,826 --> 01:14:17,746
Do you understand what it means
if I turn the Internet off?

1131
01:14:17,955 --> 01:14:22,292
Cities will go dark.
Planes will fall out of the sky.

1132
01:14:23,001 --> 01:14:26,463
Trains will collide.
Law and order will break down

1133
01:14:26,547 --> 01:14:29,424
and the world as you know it
will be over.

1134
01:14:30,134 --> 01:14:32,761
Show, don't tell, right?

1135
01:14:35,139 --> 01:14:36,473
(BEEPS)

1136
01:14:36,557 --> 01:14:38,559
XANDER:
<i>Initiating attack, Jason.</i>

1137
01:14:39,476 --> 01:14:41,478
<i>Taking control
of junction box.</i>

1138
01:14:42,604 --> 01:14:47,484
<i>Suspending Internet and electricity
supply across Britain and Europe.</i>

1139
01:14:48,527 --> 01:14:50,946
<i>Stage one of attack complete.</i>
(ALL GASP)

1140
01:14:51,446 --> 01:14:54,741
Ladies and gentlemen.
I can stop the attack

1141
01:14:54,825 --> 01:14:58,328
as long as each of you signs the same
agreement as the Prime Minister,

1142
01:14:58,412 --> 01:15:00,414
giving me complete control.

1143
01:15:01,331 --> 01:15:02,749
Your call.

1144
01:15:03,584 --> 01:15:06,378
AUTOMATED VOICE: <i>Welcome to British
Intelligence.</i> Get me Pegasus!

1145
01:15:06,795 --> 01:15:10,549
<i>For MI5, press one.
For MI6, press two.</i>

1146
01:15:10,966 --> 01:15:13,302
(SIGHS)
<i>For MI7, press three.</i>

1147
01:15:15,262 --> 01:15:16,430
(TRILLING)

1148
01:15:19,892 --> 01:15:23,061
XANDER: <i>Eight G12 signatures
now acquired.</i>

1149
01:15:24,104 --> 01:15:26,690
Signal the chopper,
we're almost done here.

1150
01:15:27,107 --> 01:15:28,901
AUTOMATED VOICE:
<i>For accounts, press five.</i>

1151
01:15:28,984 --> 01:15:31,320
<i>For childcare services, press six.</i>
Oh, come on!

1152
01:15:31,445 --> 01:15:33,780
<i>For more options, press seven.</i>

1153
01:15:34,281 --> 01:15:35,991
(ALARM BLARING)

1154
01:15:36,325 --> 01:15:37,326
LYDIA: What?

1155
01:15:38,744 --> 01:15:43,916
XANDER: <i>Only two further signatures required
to achieve control of G12 nations' data.</i>

1156
01:15:44,750 --> 01:15:46,168
<i>All UK data</i>

1157
01:15:46,251 --> 01:15:49,046
<i>now successfully transferred to the</i> Dot Calm.
(SIGHS)

1158
01:15:49,171 --> 01:15:52,674
AUTOMATED VOICE: <i>For Aphrodite, press one.
For Pegasus, press two.</i>

1159
01:15:53,759 --> 01:15:55,135
(ALARM BLARING)

1160
01:15:55,219 --> 01:15:56,220
Oh, my God.

1161
01:15:56,303 --> 01:16:00,015
<i>Dive the submarine.
Repeat, dive the submarine.</i>

1162
01:16:00,140 --> 01:16:02,100
(PHONE RINGING)

1163
01:16:02,809 --> 01:16:04,937
Director's office?
<i>This is Johnny English.</i>

1164
01:16:05,062 --> 01:16:09,274
I need to speak to Pegasus immediately.
It's a national emergency.

1165
01:16:09,399 --> 01:16:10,959
(PHONE RINGING)
One moment, please, sir.

1166
01:16:12,861 --> 01:16:14,005
LYDIA: <i>This is</i> HMS Vengeance.

1167
01:16:14,029 --> 01:16:17,658
We have a full launch code.
Repeat, launch code is locked.

1168
01:16:17,783 --> 01:16:19,785
<i>Do I have your permission
to fire?</i>

1169
01:16:19,910 --> 01:16:22,246
Oh, my God. Could you hold on
one moment, please?

1170
01:16:22,371 --> 01:16:24,122
Sir? Sir!

1171
01:16:25,082 --> 01:16:26,083
Hello?

1172
01:16:26,333 --> 01:16:27,334
<i>Hello?</i>

1173
01:16:27,417 --> 01:16:30,545
Sir! <i>HMS Vengeance</i> here.
Do I have your permission to launch?

1174
01:16:30,671 --> 01:16:33,590
ENGLISH: <i>What?
Listen, we have to call in an attack.</i>

1175
01:16:33,674 --> 01:16:34,984
LYDIA: <i>Did you say
"attack," sir?</i>

1176
01:16:35,008 --> 01:16:37,344
ENGLISH:
<i>Yes, an attack. Attack.</i>

1177
01:16:38,720 --> 01:16:41,390
General quarters,
we are go for launch.

1178
01:16:41,515 --> 01:16:43,433
Target coordinates locked,
Commander.

1179
01:16:43,558 --> 01:16:44,559
Hello?

1180
01:16:46,478 --> 01:16:47,521
Hello?

1181
01:16:47,604 --> 01:16:49,064
(ALARM BLARING)

1182
01:16:49,189 --> 01:16:50,440
(GASPS)

1183
01:16:57,948 --> 01:17:00,492
SAILOR: Commander,
the missile is being redirected.

1184
01:17:01,326 --> 01:17:03,996
It seems to be locking on
to a new hostile target.

1185
01:17:06,623 --> 01:17:08,000
What's a "Sherbet F"?

1186
01:17:08,125 --> 01:17:09,418
(BEEPING)

1187
01:17:19,303 --> 01:17:21,430
Oh, no. What was that?
(ALL GASP)

1188
01:17:21,513 --> 01:17:22,889
(PANICKED CHATTER)

1189
01:17:22,973 --> 01:17:26,018
XANDER: Dot Calm <i>appears
to be offline, Jason.</i>

1190
01:17:26,184 --> 01:17:28,854
<i>The cyber attack
has been halted.</i>

1191
01:17:32,899 --> 01:17:34,234
Did you

1192
01:17:34,609 --> 01:17:37,195
make a call quite close
to the submarine, sir?

1193
01:17:40,073 --> 01:17:41,199
Um...

1194
01:17:41,283 --> 01:17:42,367
Because...

1195
01:17:43,368 --> 01:17:44,703
You did it, sir!

1196
01:17:45,871 --> 01:17:47,622
Mission accomplished!

1197
01:17:48,165 --> 01:17:49,666
Well, exactly!

1198
01:17:51,418 --> 01:17:54,504
XANDER: <i>I am re-evaluating
our options, Jason.</i>

1199
01:17:54,588 --> 01:17:56,256
(CHATTERING CONTINUES)

1200
01:18:01,011 --> 01:18:02,846
OPHELIA: Johnny! Johnny!

1201
01:18:02,929 --> 01:18:06,016
Volta is getting away!
He's heading for his helicopter!

1202
01:18:06,099 --> 01:18:07,392
No, Bough.

1203
01:18:08,602 --> 01:18:10,270
This one's mine.

1204
01:18:13,106 --> 01:18:14,566
(GRUNTING)

1205
01:18:29,539 --> 01:18:31,166
(GRUNTING)

1206
01:18:43,887 --> 01:18:45,555
Careful, sir. Sir?

1207
01:18:45,639 --> 01:18:47,557
(GRUNTING)

1208
01:18:56,608 --> 01:18:58,276
Last two steps, sir.

1209
01:18:58,360 --> 01:18:59,486
(GROANS)

1210
01:19:01,863 --> 01:19:02,906
(GASPS)

1211
01:19:03,365 --> 01:19:05,283
Not so fast, Volta!

1212
01:19:05,617 --> 01:19:06,827
(JASON LAUGHS)

1213
01:19:06,910 --> 01:19:08,995
Is this supposed to scare me,
Sir Lancelot?

1214
01:19:09,079 --> 01:19:11,081
(GRUNTING)

1215
01:19:14,126 --> 01:19:15,377
Take cover, Bough.

1216
01:19:22,008 --> 01:19:25,554
Don't worry, he's only got six
bullets in that thing.

1217
01:19:25,637 --> 01:19:26,847
(GUN CLICKING)

1218
01:19:29,015 --> 01:19:30,725
And, of course,
the thing itself.

1219
01:19:30,809 --> 01:19:32,310
(HELICOPTER POWERING UP)

1220
01:19:33,145 --> 01:19:35,188
You've run out
of options, Volta.

1221
01:19:36,022 --> 01:19:37,315
Oh, you think you've won?

1222
01:19:37,399 --> 01:19:38,608
Mmm.

1223
01:19:39,192 --> 01:19:42,237
XANDER: <i>Rerouting the attack
to our Nevada servers, Jason.</i>

1224
01:19:42,863 --> 01:19:46,867
The world's going down, English.
And I'll be the last man standing.

1225
01:19:47,492 --> 01:19:50,537
Goodbye, English!
Goodbye, Internet.

1226
01:19:51,788 --> 01:19:56,460
I've got it. That's a Gazelle
341 light attack helicopter.

1227
01:19:57,043 --> 01:19:59,546
If we can hack into
its operating system,

1228
01:19:59,796 --> 01:20:01,798
we can disable
the drive function.

1229
01:20:02,090 --> 01:20:03,091
Here.

1230
01:20:06,928 --> 01:20:11,057
Look at you! You couldn't use that
thing if your life depended on it!

1231
01:20:11,141 --> 01:20:12,267
(LAUGHS)

1232
01:20:14,019 --> 01:20:15,395
Let's get outta here.

1233
01:20:16,104 --> 01:20:17,814
Get this steel bird in the...
(GROANS)

1234
01:20:23,028 --> 01:20:27,949
XANDER: <i>Rerouting complete. Attack data
now installed at our Nevada servers.</i>

1235
01:20:28,366 --> 01:20:30,160
<i>Should I initiate?</i>

1236
01:20:30,577 --> 01:20:31,578
<i>Jason?</i>

1237
01:20:31,661 --> 01:20:33,663
(ARMOR CLANKING)

1238
01:20:36,249 --> 01:20:38,418
<i>Should I initiate
the new attack?</i>

1239
01:20:39,461 --> 01:20:41,963
Initiate this!

1240
01:20:42,047 --> 01:20:44,466
XANDER: (DISTORTED) <i>Jason.</i>

1241
01:20:54,351 --> 01:20:55,644
(CAMERAS CLICKING)

1242
01:20:55,727 --> 01:20:57,163
PRIME MINISTER: Well, uh,
ladies and gentlemen.

1243
01:20:57,187 --> 01:21:01,066
I think we can all agree, that wasn't
quite the evening we were expecting.

1244
01:21:01,149 --> 01:21:02,651
(WEAK LAUGHTER)

1245
01:21:04,903 --> 01:21:06,321
(PRIME MINISTER CLEARS THROAT)

1246
01:21:06,404 --> 01:21:08,406
I had hoped to present
to you tonight...

1247
01:21:08,532 --> 01:21:10,825
Thank you...a vision of
what Britain might be.

1248
01:21:11,243 --> 01:21:14,996
But, as it happens,
the man who saved us all this evening,

1249
01:21:15,080 --> 01:21:18,625
the man who, I might add,
I personally assigned to this case,

1250
01:21:19,251 --> 01:21:21,461
has presented us with a
different kind of vision.

1251
01:21:21,545 --> 01:21:25,840
A living embodiment, if you like,
of those fundamental British qualities

1252
01:21:25,924 --> 01:21:30,220
that have ensured that our
beloved island nation endures.

1253
01:21:30,720 --> 01:21:33,640
Courage under fire,
endless ingenuity

1254
01:21:33,723 --> 01:21:35,642
and above all, a quiet

1255
01:21:36,268 --> 01:21:38,979
unassailable dignity.

1256
01:21:39,980 --> 01:21:41,982
(PEOPLE GASPING)

1257
01:21:43,608 --> 01:21:45,527
(CAMERAS CLICKING)

1258
01:21:54,411 --> 01:21:55,453
(GROANS)

1259
01:21:58,123 --> 01:21:59,374
Thank you.

1260
01:22:06,548 --> 01:22:07,966
All together.
(ALL CHEERING)

1261
01:22:14,389 --> 01:22:15,765
(STUDENTS CONTINUE CHEERING)

1262
01:22:18,852 --> 01:22:20,562
Welcome back, Mr. English.

1263
01:22:20,645 --> 01:22:21,813
Thank you, Headmaster.

1264
01:22:21,896 --> 01:22:23,666
Thank you for agreeing
to be our guest speaker.

1265
01:22:23,690 --> 01:22:26,484
Now the governors and staff are all
waiting for us in the rose garden.

1266
01:22:26,568 --> 01:22:29,487
Yes, if you could just excuse me
for a few minutes, Headmaster.

1267
01:22:30,363 --> 01:22:31,740
(CONFUSED CHATTER)

1268
01:22:35,243 --> 01:22:36,244
Oh.

1269
01:22:38,121 --> 01:22:39,372
Morning, sir!
Hello, sir!

1270
01:22:39,456 --> 01:22:41,708
GIRLS: Welcome back, sir!

1271
01:22:41,791 --> 01:22:43,710
(STUDENTS GREETING)

1272
01:22:45,754 --> 01:22:46,838
Surprise!

1273
01:22:47,797 --> 01:22:48,965
Thank you.

1274
01:22:50,175 --> 01:22:51,760
Where's Straker?
(STRAKER GRUNTS)

1275
01:22:52,677 --> 01:22:54,471
Here, sir.
Good.

1276
01:22:54,721 --> 01:22:56,640
And, of course, Baggaley.

1277
01:22:56,723 --> 01:22:57,849
(BAGGALEY GROANS)

1278
01:22:57,932 --> 01:22:59,076
That was very good.
Very good.

1279
01:22:59,100 --> 01:23:00,703
All right, gather round,
everyone. Gather round.

1280
01:23:00,727 --> 01:23:01,811
(EXCITED CHATTER)

1281
01:23:01,895 --> 01:23:03,813
I've got some toys
to show you.

1282
01:23:03,897 --> 01:23:05,440
ALL: Ooh!
There we go.

1283
01:23:06,524 --> 01:23:08,818
There we are. There we are.

1284
01:23:09,319 --> 01:23:11,404
Breadstick blowpipe, anyone?
ALL: Me!

1285
01:23:11,488 --> 01:23:12,530
There you go.

1286
01:23:12,614 --> 01:23:14,866
Granny Smith hand grenade?

1287
01:23:15,408 --> 01:23:17,410
And what about a garroting watch?
Here, sir.

1288
01:23:17,494 --> 01:23:18,495
There you go.

1289
01:23:18,578 --> 01:23:19,788
(BLOWS)
(GROANS)

1290
01:23:19,871 --> 01:23:21,581
STUDENTS: Ooh!
Here, let me take that.

1291
01:23:21,706 --> 01:23:24,000
Don't worry, it's only a mild sedative.
(GROANING)

1292
01:23:24,084 --> 01:23:25,126
(BEEPING)

1293
01:23:25,210 --> 01:23:27,712
Oh! That's just
a five-second fuse.

1294
01:23:27,796 --> 01:23:28,880
(CHOKING)

1295
01:23:28,963 --> 01:23:31,591
Yes, all right, we all know
what garroting looks like.

1296
01:23:31,716 --> 01:23:33,718
Whenever you're ready,
Mr. English.

1297
01:23:33,843 --> 01:23:36,429
Oh, I'm sorry, Headmaster,
I'll just be one moment.

1298
01:23:36,554 --> 01:23:38,723
Just take those. Thank you.
Ooh.

1299
01:23:39,599 --> 01:23:42,644
Put those away, shall we?
There we...

1300
01:23:43,353 --> 01:23:44,521
Um...

1301
01:23:45,355 --> 01:23:47,190
HEADMASTER: I always
did love a jelly baby.