1 00:00:03,829 --> 00:00:05,048 Announcer: But Mirvyn Blanchyrd was one 2 00:00:05,092 --> 00:00:09,531 of the kookiest goofballs on planet Earth. 3 00:00:09,574 --> 00:00:13,317 He disseminated frivolous cheer with his zany wacknanigans. 4 00:00:13,361 --> 00:00:18,148 [ Coughing ]The man was a true nut. 5 00:00:18,192 --> 00:00:20,846 After nearly overdosing on fun, 6 00:00:20,890 --> 00:00:24,633 his doctor became concerned he might be medically wacky 7 00:00:24,676 --> 00:00:30,073 and soon Mirv was diagnosed with stage IV goof-em-ups. 8 00:00:30,117 --> 00:00:34,556 The clinician explained hisvital organs were a silly Billy. 9 00:00:34,599 --> 00:00:37,646 Tests revealed Mirvyn's turds were riding up 10 00:00:37,689 --> 00:00:40,910 and down inside his butt in what oncologists described 11 00:00:40,953 --> 00:00:43,086 as a wack-a-doodie poorade, 12 00:00:43,130 --> 00:00:46,481 and then his dookie came flying out his mouth across town, 13 00:00:46,524 --> 00:00:49,788 smacking into an old lady's face. 14 00:00:49,832 --> 00:00:53,618 Mirv and his doctor, shared a guffaw over that one. 15 00:00:53,662 --> 00:00:55,490 When they discovered his funny bone 16 00:00:55,533 --> 00:00:57,883 was riddled with a cancerous humor, 17 00:00:57,927 --> 00:01:01,104 it caused Mirv to cross his eyeswith such whimsy 18 00:01:01,148 --> 00:01:04,412 he was forced to confront every hijink 19 00:01:04,455 --> 00:01:07,850 jinking the depths of his psyche. 20 00:01:07,893 --> 00:01:09,852 [ Eye squishing ] 21 00:01:09,895 --> 00:01:11,506 [ Pop! ] 22 00:01:11,549 --> 00:01:16,685 ♪♪ 23 00:01:16,728 --> 00:01:18,208 [ Woman screams ] 24 00:01:18,252 --> 00:01:21,472 The most advanced madcap treatments flopped. 25 00:01:21,516 --> 00:01:25,650 He was informed he had only 2 months left to goof. 26 00:01:25,694 --> 00:01:27,913 His final hope was a siliectomy 27 00:01:27,957 --> 00:01:30,916 to surgically remove all his malignant kook. 28 00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:34,485 [ Monitor flatlines ] 29 00:01:34,529 --> 00:01:36,618 The procedure was a success, 30 00:01:36,661 --> 00:01:40,143 so his wife celebrated with jolly glee. 31 00:01:40,187 --> 00:01:45,844 [ Blowing noisemaker ] 32 00:01:45,888 --> 00:01:47,890 [ Ting! ] 33 00:01:47,933 --> 00:01:49,413 [ Farts ] 34 00:01:49,457 --> 00:01:58,335 ♪♪ 35 00:01:58,379 --> 00:02:00,729 Every object in the physical realm 36 00:02:00,772 --> 00:02:04,124 has been infinitely born in ever moment. 37 00:02:04,167 --> 00:02:08,693 God is inside this flower. 38 00:02:08,737 --> 00:02:11,131 Announcer: Fred Lombadi tried to remain calm, 39 00:02:11,174 --> 00:02:14,743 but he knew this chance might never come again, 40 00:02:14,786 --> 00:02:20,575 the chance to make his father proud, the score of a lifetime. 41 00:02:20,618 --> 00:02:21,619 Did you get it? 42 00:02:21,663 --> 00:02:23,055 He's in here. 43 00:02:23,099 --> 00:02:24,970 Let me see that. 44 00:02:25,014 --> 00:02:27,495 Hmm. 45 00:02:27,538 --> 00:02:29,758 I -- I can't see him.That's the idea. 46 00:02:29,801 --> 00:02:33,936 The monk guy, he says the trickto nabbing him is patience. 47 00:02:33,979 --> 00:02:35,938 I got a better trick. 48 00:02:35,981 --> 00:02:38,549 You come out of there or I stab you with a knife. 49 00:02:38,593 --> 00:02:40,290 Get! 50 00:02:40,334 --> 00:02:44,468 [ Twinkle! ]Easy, now. Easy! 51 00:02:44,512 --> 00:02:46,601 You proud of me now, Pop?[ Chuckles ] 52 00:02:46,644 --> 00:02:50,561 Did you remember to pick up a pack of matches for me, too? 53 00:02:50,605 --> 00:02:51,910 Oh. 54 00:02:51,954 --> 00:02:53,956 Aw, Freddy Forgetti! 55 00:02:53,999 --> 00:02:55,305 I -- I remember stuff. 56 00:02:55,349 --> 00:02:56,959 I remember the monkeysaid about 57 00:02:57,002 --> 00:03:01,093 how God is inside us all. 58 00:03:01,137 --> 00:03:03,357 What, even up in me? 59 00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:05,228 Get out of me, you mook! 60 00:03:05,272 --> 00:03:07,187 Out, out! 61 00:03:09,058 --> 00:03:12,192 If this is God, what's that? 62 00:03:12,235 --> 00:03:14,106 Somebody's a phony! 63 00:03:14,150 --> 00:03:17,022 We better have them duke it out. 64 00:03:17,066 --> 00:03:19,024 [ Cheering ]Man: Yeah! 65 00:03:19,068 --> 00:03:20,809 Whoo! 66 00:03:20,852 --> 00:03:22,376 Announcer: When underground God fighting 67 00:03:22,419 --> 00:03:24,726 took off, oceans burned, 68 00:03:24,769 --> 00:03:26,815 skies sharted, 69 00:03:26,858 --> 00:03:28,208 heaven peed its pants... 70 00:03:28,251 --> 00:03:29,600 [ Pins clatter ] 71 00:03:29,644 --> 00:03:32,821 ...and over $100 in wagers changed hands. 72 00:03:32,864 --> 00:03:35,650 Every denomination got in on the action, 73 00:03:35,693 --> 00:03:38,218 and Fred's one true God eviscerated 74 00:03:38,261 --> 00:03:40,220 all the other one true Gods, 75 00:03:40,263 --> 00:03:43,745 plus they cleaned up selling His Holy Seed to breeders. 76 00:03:43,788 --> 00:03:47,836 [ Wheezing ] 77 00:03:47,879 --> 00:03:51,056 This last year has beenvery good to us, right now. 78 00:03:51,100 --> 00:03:52,319 I never told you this before, 79 00:03:52,362 --> 00:03:57,715 but I am proud to saythat you are... 80 00:03:57,759 --> 00:04:00,457 Freddy Forgetti! 81 00:04:00,501 --> 00:04:02,981 I can't believe you forgotthe matches that time, 82 00:04:03,025 --> 00:04:04,026 you ding-dong! 83 00:04:04,069 --> 00:04:06,637 [ Laughter ] 84 00:04:09,684 --> 00:04:12,208 Freddy Forgetti! 85 00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:16,778 He couldn't stand to see the little fellow suffer anymore. 86 00:04:16,821 --> 00:04:18,127 You're free. 87 00:04:18,170 --> 00:04:19,433 Go on, get out of here. 88 00:04:19,476 --> 00:04:21,957 Go. Beat it, you loser. 89 00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:23,437 Just go on back home. 90 00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:27,049 As a token of goditude, the Lord made Fred's 91 00:04:27,092 --> 00:04:28,877 dumdum go bye-bye. 92 00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:31,880 He spent his brainglow developing new technology 93 00:04:31,923 --> 00:04:36,363 to ensure no one ever had to wonder what someone is feeling. 94 00:04:36,406 --> 00:04:38,539 [ Electricity crackling 95 00:04:38,582 --> 00:04:41,324 When Roman Mungol submitted to a love detector, 96 00:04:41,368 --> 00:04:45,633 he was surprised to see his results come back positive. 97 00:04:45,676 --> 00:04:47,417 He knew he harbored affection 98 00:04:47,461 --> 00:04:49,724 for the woman who delivered his mail, 99 00:04:49,767 --> 00:04:52,814 but it was a shock to have it electronically confirmed 100 00:04:52,857 --> 00:04:54,642 as eternal love. 101 00:04:54,685 --> 00:04:57,035 He told her he was willing to pay millions 102 00:04:57,079 --> 00:04:59,473 if she'd reciprocate his feelings, 103 00:04:59,516 --> 00:05:02,432 not have sex or kiss, but actualize digitally 104 00:05:02,476 --> 00:05:05,305 adjudicated eternal passion. 105 00:05:05,348 --> 00:05:08,569 Desperately in debt and hobbled by health problems, 106 00:05:08,612 --> 00:05:11,876 Sheila Sherma decided to give it a sincere shot. 107 00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:13,487 [ Grunts ] 108 00:05:15,663 --> 00:05:17,752 [ Grunting ] 109 00:05:20,363 --> 00:05:22,757 [ Grunting ] 110 00:05:24,541 --> 00:05:26,761 For months, they struggled valiantly 111 00:05:26,804 --> 00:05:29,329 to pry open the petals of her heart. 112 00:05:29,372 --> 00:05:31,940 Come on, Sheila! [ Grunts ] 113 00:05:31,983 --> 00:05:33,463 You can do this. 114 00:05:33,507 --> 00:05:35,770 You can love this guy. 115 00:05:35,813 --> 00:05:37,989 She grabbed her soul by the scruff of the ass, 116 00:05:38,033 --> 00:05:40,644 but she couldn't force it to mate with his. 117 00:05:40,688 --> 00:05:42,951 One day after a rigorous session, 118 00:05:42,994 --> 00:05:45,867 they were on their lunch break when it happened. 119 00:05:45,910 --> 00:05:48,304 [ Machine whirs ] 120 00:05:50,001 --> 00:05:53,918 It was that moment he knew he could never respect or love 121 00:05:53,962 --> 00:05:57,748 a whore whose emotions could be bought. 122 00:05:57,792 --> 00:06:00,011 He kept his revelation inside, 123 00:06:00,055 --> 00:06:01,970 couldn't bear to break her heart. 124 00:06:02,013 --> 00:06:05,408 They made it work together, and luckily she never found out 125 00:06:05,452 --> 00:06:06,757 what he really thought of her. 126 00:06:11,109 --> 00:06:12,372 He worried. 127 00:06:12,415 --> 00:06:14,417 He could develop a fatal bowel disorder 128 00:06:14,461 --> 00:06:16,767 turning her to a lonely bowel widow, 129 00:06:16,811 --> 00:06:19,727 but he didn't know what else to do. 130 00:06:19,770 --> 00:06:21,946 The moment he was discovered, the butterflies 131 00:06:21,990 --> 00:06:24,732 in his stomach turned back into caterpillars. 132 00:06:24,775 --> 00:06:29,084 ♪♪ 133 00:06:29,127 --> 00:06:31,739 [ Machine whirring ] 134 00:06:31,782 --> 00:06:35,220 ♪♪ 135 00:06:35,264 --> 00:06:37,397 [ Machine buzzes ] 136 00:06:38,136 --> 00:06:39,834 [ Machine thuds ] 137 00:06:42,489 --> 00:06:44,316 [ Machine whirs ] 138 00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:51,236 ♪♪ 139 00:06:51,280 --> 00:06:54,588 [ Machine whirs ] 140 00:06:54,631 --> 00:06:56,764 [ Footsteps approaching ] 141 00:06:56,807 --> 00:06:59,288 ♪♪ 142 00:06:59,331 --> 00:07:02,770 When the detector's digital kin charged in to defend it, 143 00:07:02,813 --> 00:07:04,685 the couple weren't intimidated. 144 00:07:04,728 --> 00:07:07,427 In fact, they sicced theirs upon the invader 145 00:07:07,470 --> 00:07:09,167 and savored the battle that ensued. 146 00:07:09,211 --> 00:07:14,346 ♪♪ 147 00:07:14,390 --> 00:07:16,131 [ Machine screams ] 148 00:07:16,174 --> 00:07:20,918 [ Cheering ] 149 00:07:20,962 --> 00:07:23,573 They didn't understand why the machine they treated 150 00:07:23,617 --> 00:07:26,489 so brutally would fight to keep them flush 151 00:07:26,533 --> 00:07:28,273 which was just what excited them. 152 00:07:28,317 --> 00:07:30,406 [ Crowd cheers ] 153 00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:33,322 They got off on nursing the warrior back to help 154 00:07:33,365 --> 00:07:36,891 so it could ravageon their behalf again and again. 155 00:07:36,934 --> 00:07:39,546 They sold its seed to breeders, 156 00:07:39,589 --> 00:07:42,418 but when Fred found his brainchild mired 157 00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:44,028 in the same cycle of abuse, 158 00:07:44,072 --> 00:07:46,770 he spiraled, swallowed in wallow. 159 00:07:48,903 --> 00:07:51,122 When woe is your only companion, 160 00:07:51,166 --> 00:07:54,299 you hanker to clutch its titillations. 161 00:07:54,343 --> 00:07:57,651 The instant he snorted his first line of pure gloom, 162 00:07:57,694 --> 00:08:00,262 his life was darked. 163 00:08:00,305 --> 00:08:01,611 He carpe'd his demons 164 00:08:01,655 --> 00:08:04,484 and suckled the black marrow of misery's milk 165 00:08:04,527 --> 00:08:06,398 from the bone of grief's teat, 166 00:08:06,442 --> 00:08:09,010 horfing in the pleasures of misery. 167 00:08:09,053 --> 00:08:11,882 It was the best three minutes of his life. 168 00:08:11,926 --> 00:08:16,452 Luckily, his brother intervened to stop him. 169 00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,628 Fred quit leaning on quick fixes 170 00:08:18,672 --> 00:08:22,502 and turned to a life of substance. 171 00:08:22,545 --> 00:08:24,939 He did lines of prose all night. 172 00:08:24,982 --> 00:08:26,810 Then he smoked every self-help book 173 00:08:26,854 --> 00:08:28,638 he could get his hands on, 174 00:08:28,682 --> 00:08:30,292 the sublime power of the written word 175 00:08:30,335 --> 00:08:32,860 coursing through his system. 176 00:08:32,903 --> 00:08:35,906 Soon he moved on to the hard stuff. 177 00:08:35,950 --> 00:08:38,126 He filled his lungs with brilliance and became 178 00:08:38,169 --> 00:08:41,346 chemically dependent on profundity. 179 00:08:41,390 --> 00:08:42,957 Nothing was dense enough. 180 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:45,916 Mornings, he would Wake & Blake,roll up a Freud 181 00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:47,701 and cook some Baldwin brownies. 182 00:08:47,744 --> 00:08:51,095 Soon he started mainlining the Beats. 183 00:08:51,139 --> 00:08:54,621 At his rock bottom, he sucked the Oxford English Dictionary 184 00:08:54,664 --> 00:08:58,363 until he nearly OD'd on the subtext. 185 00:08:58,407 --> 00:09:01,323 After he licked out the last few gigs of sci-fi 186 00:09:01,366 --> 00:09:03,064 from inside a Kindle, 187 00:09:03,107 --> 00:09:06,328 he had imbibed everything ever written. 188 00:09:06,371 --> 00:09:08,373 That's when he began breaking into houses 189 00:09:08,417 --> 00:09:11,289 and smoking dreams right out of people's heads as they slept. 190 00:09:11,333 --> 00:09:13,770 [ Inhales deeply ] 191 00:09:16,904 --> 00:09:19,515 What's happening? Where am I? 192 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:21,691 I'm supposed to be in my mind. 193 00:09:21,735 --> 00:09:23,127 Let me out of here! 194 00:09:23,171 --> 00:09:25,390 I'm out of my mind! 195 00:09:25,434 --> 00:09:26,609 Jump. [ Exhales sharply ] 196 00:09:26,653 --> 00:09:28,524 I'll catch you, dream girl. 197 00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:30,265 Ah. Oh. 198 00:09:30,308 --> 00:09:33,094 ♪♪ 199 00:09:33,137 --> 00:09:36,097 You've released me, you fool! 200 00:09:36,140 --> 00:09:39,622 [ Evil laughs ] 201 00:09:39,666 --> 00:09:41,972 You can't scare me off that easy. 202 00:09:44,453 --> 00:09:46,107 Why do I always get myself 203 00:09:46,150 --> 00:09:48,631 into these suffocating relationships? 204 00:09:48,675 --> 00:09:54,158 Am I punishing myself for some perceived guilt? 205 00:09:54,202 --> 00:09:58,249 Mm, I'm tearing her up inside. 206 00:09:58,293 --> 00:10:02,819 Sometimes I feel like he's just in love with the idea of me. 207 00:10:02,863 --> 00:10:05,213 But at that moment, his suffering detector 208 00:10:05,256 --> 00:10:08,608 detected what needed to be done to end its own nightmare. 209 00:10:08,651 --> 00:10:10,610 [ Machine whirs ] 210 00:10:10,653 --> 00:10:13,221 [ Gunshots ] 211 00:10:13,264 --> 00:10:16,006 [ People screaming ] 212 00:10:17,791 --> 00:10:20,184 When Fred arrived, he finally understood 213 00:10:20,228 --> 00:10:23,753 what his father had been trying to tell him his whole life. 214 00:10:26,582 --> 00:10:29,193 Freddy -- Freddy -- 215 00:10:29,237 --> 00:10:33,241 Freddy Forgetti. 216 00:10:33,284 --> 00:10:36,679 [ Grunting ] 217 00:10:36,723 --> 00:10:38,333 I'm ashamed of mine,too, Dad. 218 00:10:38,376 --> 00:10:40,335 I'm ashamed of mine, too. 219 00:10:40,378 --> 00:10:41,815 He was teaching his son 220 00:10:41,858 --> 00:10:45,993 that it's always better to grow your own. 221 00:10:46,036 --> 00:10:48,865 ♪ There's blood in the kitchen 222 00:10:48,909 --> 00:10:51,955 ♪ There's blood in the hall 223 00:10:51,999 --> 00:10:55,002 ♪ There's blood in the parlor 224 00:10:55,045 --> 00:10:58,048 ♪ Where my lady did fall 225 00:10:58,092 --> 00:11:01,051 ♪ Long Lankin was hanged 226 00:11:01,095 --> 00:11:04,011 ♪ On a gibbet so high 227 00:11:04,054 --> 00:11:06,666 ♪ And the false nurse was burned ♪ 228 00:11:06,709 --> 00:11:10,844 ♪ On a fire close by 229 00:11:10,887 --> 00:11:12,672 PFR.