1
00:00:01,751 --> 00:00:01,793
Announcer:
2
00:00:01,793 --> 00:00:01,876
Announcer:
Of
3
00:00:01,876 --> 00:00:01,918
Announcer:
Of course,
4
00:00:01,918 --> 00:00:01,960
Announcer:
Of course, dreams
5
00:00:01,960 --> 00:00:02,043
Announcer:
Of course, dreams can
6
00:00:02,043 --> 00:00:04,963
Announcer:
Of course, dreams can come
7
00:00:04,963 --> 00:00:05,296
Announcer:
Of course, dreams can come true.
8
00:00:05,296 --> 00:00:07,841
[ Ominous music plays ]
9
00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:13,805
♪♪
10
00:00:13,805 --> 00:00:16,725
[ Thunder crashing ]
11
00:00:16,725 --> 00:00:23,565
♪♪
12
00:00:23,565 --> 00:00:26,192
And there's nothing
more desperately chipper
13
00:00:26,192 --> 00:00:30,238
than the escapist daydreams
of a man in bondage
14
00:00:30,238 --> 00:00:35,160
fantasizing he is another person
in another place.
15
00:00:35,160 --> 00:00:36,703
[ Harp plays ]
16
00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:37,871
[ Up-tempo music plays ]
17
00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:40,707
It is imperative
he divert his mind
18
00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:43,626
from the unthinkable
suffering...
[ Ding! ]
19
00:00:43,626 --> 00:00:44,961
agony...
[ Ding! ]
20
00:00:44,961 --> 00:00:46,796
...anguish.
[ Ding! ]
21
00:00:46,796 --> 00:00:49,215
♪ La, la, la, la-la ♪
22
00:00:49,215 --> 00:00:55,638
But the bibles teach that dreams
are lies and lies are sins...
23
00:00:55,638 --> 00:00:56,973
[ Ding! ]
24
00:00:56,973 --> 00:00:59,142
...that, thus, all imagined boys
25
00:00:59,142 --> 00:01:02,437
must collect penance
for their existence.
26
00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:06,232
[ Thinking ] Please don't
make me do this to me.
27
00:01:06,232 --> 00:01:07,233
[ Ding! ]
28
00:01:07,233 --> 00:01:08,485
Announcer: And that for those
29
00:01:08,485 --> 00:01:11,071
who have been dreamed
into being,
30
00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:15,158
the only escape
is to premember a happy moment
31
00:01:15,158 --> 00:01:18,828
that will happen
many lifetimes from now.
32
00:01:18,828 --> 00:01:19,746
[ Harp plays ]
33
00:01:19,746 --> 00:01:23,500
[ Up-tempo music plays,
whip cracking ]
34
00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:25,210
Sorry for the wait,
Mr. Lawson.
35
00:01:25,210 --> 00:01:27,253
We got your results,
and I'd better be quick
36
00:01:27,253 --> 00:01:30,215
because you only have
about 34 seconds to live.
37
00:01:30,215 --> 00:01:31,591
So I was --
Excuse me?
38
00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:33,218
Did you say --
34 seconds.
39
00:01:33,218 --> 00:01:35,053
Starting...now!
40
00:01:35,053 --> 00:01:37,972
Are you saying
I'm gonna die?
41
00:01:37,972 --> 00:01:40,350
Oh, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
42
00:01:40,350 --> 00:01:43,728
No, what you have is
much worse than death.
43
00:01:43,728 --> 00:01:45,730
It's sorta like...
44
00:01:45,730 --> 00:01:47,232
death squared.
45
00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:49,275
It's called "Consta-Death."
46
00:01:49,275 --> 00:01:50,610
Consta-Death?
47
00:01:50,610 --> 00:01:52,695
Oh, you've heard of it.
Not really.
48
00:01:52,695 --> 00:01:55,532
Oh. Well, with Consta-Death,
you'll be dying once
49
00:01:55,532 --> 00:01:58,034
every few seconds
for the rest of your life.
50
00:01:58,034 --> 00:02:00,662
So I will be alive?
Not exactly.
51
00:02:00,662 --> 00:02:03,331
The only treatment is
to pledge eternal devotion
52
00:02:03,331 --> 00:02:08,086
to my proprietary genetic hybrid
of Hinduism and cheese.
53
00:02:08,086 --> 00:02:09,921
It's medicinal
reincarnation therapy.
54
00:02:09,921 --> 00:02:11,214
I'm lactose intolerant.
55
00:02:11,214 --> 00:02:13,675
It doesn't matter. Just pledge
eternal devotion to it -- quick!
56
00:02:13,675 --> 00:02:16,511
Okay, okay! How?
Sign here. Hurry!
57
00:02:16,511 --> 00:02:19,389
Chim, chim!
Chop-chop! Now!
58
00:02:19,389 --> 00:02:20,890
[ Buzzer ]
59
00:02:20,890 --> 00:02:22,016
[ Harp plays ]
60
00:02:22,016 --> 00:02:23,184
[ Ding! ]
61
00:02:23,184 --> 00:02:25,728
Uh...wow.
62
00:02:25,728 --> 00:02:27,480
Uh, uh...
63
00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:29,149
[ Buzzer, harp plays ]
64
00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:31,401
[ Ding! ]
Well, your new faith
is up and running.
65
00:02:31,401 --> 00:02:34,279
How do you feel?
It feels a little weird, but --
66
00:02:34,279 --> 00:02:36,823
[ Buzzer, harp plays ]
67
00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:38,032
[ Ding! ]
68
00:02:38,032 --> 00:02:39,409
It beats being white.
69
00:02:39,409 --> 00:02:40,869
[ Laughter ]
70
00:02:40,869 --> 00:02:41,911
[ Sproing! ]
71
00:02:41,911 --> 00:02:43,121
[ Applause ]
72
00:02:43,121 --> 00:02:44,372
[ Buzzer ]
73
00:02:44,372 --> 00:02:46,499
[ Ting! ]
74
00:02:46,499 --> 00:02:47,625
Hey, hon.
75
00:02:47,625 --> 00:02:50,378
Hey. How was your day?
The van needs oil.
76
00:02:50,378 --> 00:02:54,299
Oh, and the doc says I have
this thing called Consta-Death.
77
00:02:54,299 --> 00:02:55,633
[ Laughter, buzzer ]
78
00:02:55,633 --> 00:02:57,135
[ Harp plays, ding! ]
79
00:02:57,135 --> 00:02:58,553
Uh-huh. What are you
thinking for dinner?
80
00:02:58,553 --> 00:03:01,431
You know what sounds good,
is just a plate of birdseed.
81
00:03:01,431 --> 00:03:03,016
[ Laughter, buzzer ]
82
00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:03,933
[ Harp plays, ding! ]
83
00:03:03,933 --> 00:03:05,268
Actually, scratch that.
84
00:03:05,268 --> 00:03:07,604
I think I'll just have
some eucalyptus leaves.
85
00:03:07,604 --> 00:03:08,563
[ Laughter, buzzer ]
86
00:03:08,563 --> 00:03:09,939
[ Harp plays, ding! ]
87
00:03:09,939 --> 00:03:11,149
Or you know what?
88
00:03:11,149 --> 00:03:13,026
I'm really craving
a deer carcass tonight.
89
00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:13,985
[ Laughter, buzzer ]
90
00:03:13,985 --> 00:03:15,445
[ Harp plays, ding! ]
91
00:03:15,445 --> 00:03:18,114
Whoa, bear!
Hold your horses now.
92
00:03:18,114 --> 00:03:19,199
[ Laughter, buzzer ]
93
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:20,408
[ Harp plays, ding! ]
94
00:03:20,408 --> 00:03:22,785
Hey, leave me out of this.
95
00:03:22,785 --> 00:03:24,954
You know
what I'm talking about?
96
00:03:24,954 --> 00:03:26,539
[ Tink! ]
97
00:03:26,539 --> 00:03:29,000
Bears don't eat deers, liar!
98
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:30,376
What's going on here?
99
00:03:30,376 --> 00:03:34,005
I want to speak
to my real husband -- now!
100
00:03:34,005 --> 00:03:35,840
Where is he?!
[ Sobs ]
101
00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:38,218
[ Voice breaking ] I don't
think I can bring him back.
102
00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:39,552
[ Crying ]
[ Audience groans ]
103
00:03:39,552 --> 00:03:41,054
[ Buzzer ]
104
00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:42,180
[ Ding! ]
105
00:03:42,180 --> 00:03:43,473
[ Audience "awws" ]
106
00:03:43,473 --> 00:03:44,891
But I'll try.
107
00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:46,309
Hnnnnnnnnn!
[ Buzzer ]
108
00:03:46,309 --> 00:03:48,561
[ Ding! Ding! Ding! ]
109
00:03:51,147 --> 00:03:52,398
[ Buzzer ]
110
00:03:52,398 --> 00:03:53,483
[ Harp plays, ding! ]
111
00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:56,861
Honey!
Oh, I missed you.
112
00:03:56,861 --> 00:03:58,488
How have you been?
113
00:03:58,488 --> 00:04:01,032
I'm good, I'm good.
How have...
114
00:04:01,032 --> 00:04:01,908
[ Buzzer ]
115
00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:03,409
[ Harp plays, ding! ]
116
00:04:03,409 --> 00:04:04,619
Hnnnnnn!
[ Buzzer ]
117
00:04:04,619 --> 00:04:07,622
[ Ding! Ding! Ding! ]
118
00:04:09,624 --> 00:04:10,541
[ Buzzer ]
119
00:04:10,541 --> 00:04:11,709
[ Harp plays, ding! ]
120
00:04:11,709 --> 00:04:13,211
[ Choir vocalizing ]
...you been lately?
121
00:04:13,211 --> 00:04:15,380
Oh, I'm pretty good.
And you?
122
00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:17,966
[ Sighs ]
You know me -- same ol'...
123
00:04:17,966 --> 00:04:19,342
[ Buzzer ]
Hnnn!
124
00:04:19,342 --> 00:04:20,385
[ Harp plays, ding! ]
125
00:04:20,385 --> 00:04:23,846
[ Buzzer, ding! ding! ding! ]
126
00:04:24,973 --> 00:04:26,015
[ Buzzer ]
127
00:04:26,015 --> 00:04:27,558
[ Harp plays, ding! ]
128
00:04:27,558 --> 00:04:28,810
...same ol'.
129
00:04:28,810 --> 00:04:30,228
Oh,
and how about yourself?
130
00:04:30,228 --> 00:04:31,187
[ Buzzer ]
131
00:04:31,187 --> 00:04:32,730
[ Harp plays, ding! ]
Hnnn!
132
00:04:32,730 --> 00:04:35,733
Though only together
3 seconds per year,
133
00:04:35,733 --> 00:04:39,070
the Lawsons were like
any other couple.
134
00:04:39,070 --> 00:04:39,946
[ Buzzer ]
135
00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:41,114
[ Harp plays, ding! ]
136
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:43,783
Listen, we need
to have a difficult...
137
00:04:43,783 --> 00:04:44,867
[ Buzzer ]
Hnnn!
138
00:04:44,867 --> 00:04:45,827
[ Harp plays, ding! ]
139
00:04:45,827 --> 00:04:48,705
[ Buzzer, ding! Ding! Ding! ]
140
00:04:48,705 --> 00:04:50,957
[ Buzzer ]
141
00:04:50,957 --> 00:04:52,458
[ Harp plays, ding! ]
142
00:04:52,458 --> 00:04:53,584
...talk.
143
00:04:53,584 --> 00:04:55,795
I think that we should
start seeing other...
144
00:04:55,795 --> 00:04:57,088
[ Buzzer ]
Hnnn!
145
00:04:57,088 --> 00:04:58,298
[ Harp plays, ding! ]
146
00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:00,000
[ Buzzer, ding! Ding! Ding! ]
147
00:05:02,802 --> 00:05:04,012
[ Buzzer ]
148
00:05:04,012 --> 00:05:05,471
[ Harp plays, ding! ]
149
00:05:05,471 --> 00:05:07,265
...people.
150
00:05:07,265 --> 00:05:09,309
Y-You're breaking up
with me?
151
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:10,268
[ Buzzer ]
Hnnn!
152
00:05:10,268 --> 00:05:11,477
[ Harp plays, ding! ]
153
00:05:11,477 --> 00:05:14,772
[ Buzzer, ding! Ding! Ding! ]
154
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:17,275
[ Buzzer ]
155
00:05:17,275 --> 00:05:18,818
[ Harp plays, ding! ]
156
00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:21,696
Yes.
I met someone.
157
00:05:21,696 --> 00:05:23,573
How? Who is it?
158
00:05:23,573 --> 00:05:24,907
Would you like to meet her?
159
00:05:24,907 --> 00:05:26,117
I'll get her right now.
160
00:05:26,117 --> 00:05:27,160
Hnnn!
[ Buzzer ]
161
00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:28,119
[ Harp plays, ding! ]
162
00:05:28,119 --> 00:05:32,248
[ Buzzer, ding! Ding! Ding! ]
163
00:05:32,248 --> 00:05:33,791
You stay away from my man!
164
00:05:33,791 --> 00:05:35,543
Wait.
It's not what you think.
165
00:05:35,543 --> 00:05:38,254
I was just using your husband
to get to you.
166
00:05:38,254 --> 00:05:39,881
I need you to sign this --
quick!
167
00:05:39,881 --> 00:05:40,882
What?
168
00:05:40,882 --> 00:05:42,925
-What is this?
-No time to think.
169
00:05:42,925 --> 00:05:44,844
Sign now or die!
170
00:05:44,844 --> 00:05:46,012
[ Buzzer ]
171
00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:47,597
[ Harp plays, ding! ]
172
00:05:47,597 --> 00:05:49,390
Oh, Mary, my dearest.
173
00:05:49,390 --> 00:05:50,475
There you are.
174
00:05:50,475 --> 00:05:52,643
Why do you toy with me
like this?
175
00:05:52,643 --> 00:05:55,438
Announcer: Maintaining
long-term relationships
176
00:05:55,438 --> 00:05:57,315
can be difficult work.
177
00:05:57,315 --> 00:06:00,568
One way to keep the romance
alive in marriage
178
00:06:00,568 --> 00:06:04,322
is to unite against
a common enemy.
179
00:06:04,322 --> 00:06:08,034
Sam and Iris Beekoh found
that a shared disappointment
180
00:06:08,034 --> 00:06:11,162
in their son, Benny,
brought them closer together.
181
00:06:11,162 --> 00:06:14,624
So they vowed to stay ashamed
of the kid
182
00:06:14,624 --> 00:06:16,793
for the sake of the marriage.
183
00:06:16,793 --> 00:06:19,087
They struggled valiantly
to degrade
184
00:06:19,087 --> 00:06:21,172
and remain let down by him.
185
00:06:21,172 --> 00:06:23,758
Their love fed on his misery.
186
00:06:23,758 --> 00:06:27,136
And for every atom of agony
they caused the boy,
187
00:06:27,136 --> 00:06:31,432
they were rewarded
with 10 pounds of passion.
188
00:06:31,432 --> 00:06:35,061
The very face of his home
seemed to stare
189
00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:37,355
with a chilling indifference
to Benny.
190
00:06:37,355 --> 00:06:41,025
Or was it hitting on him?
[ Tink! ]
191
00:06:41,692 --> 00:06:43,736
For their fifth anniversary,
192
00:06:43,736 --> 00:06:47,865
Sam gave his wife
a special gift.
193
00:06:47,865 --> 00:06:49,867
[ Gasps ]
Oh, Sam!
194
00:06:49,867 --> 00:06:52,036
You shouldn't have.
195
00:06:52,036 --> 00:06:55,039
In that moment,
Benny realized his pain
196
00:06:55,039 --> 00:06:57,959
had something important
to say.
197
00:06:57,959 --> 00:07:01,254
Something vital to our nation.
198
00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:02,213
Mama?
199
00:07:02,213 --> 00:07:05,299
Our sores
are sources of wisdom.
200
00:07:05,299 --> 00:07:06,426
Mama!
201
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:09,345
Which won't be silenced
by any man.
202
00:07:09,345 --> 00:07:10,638
Mama! Mama!
203
00:07:10,638 --> 00:07:14,267
Benny told the wound he was
not technically its mother.
204
00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:16,436
But maternal instincts
kick hard,
205
00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:20,815
and he found himself
breastfeeding the little fellow.
206
00:07:20,815 --> 00:07:23,818
Pain's palate matures quickly.
207
00:07:23,818 --> 00:07:25,695
Baba wan chili.
208
00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:27,947
Gimmee chili.
209
00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:28,906
Chili!
210
00:07:28,906 --> 00:07:30,783
It is often
the neglected children
211
00:07:30,783 --> 00:07:36,247
who are most willing to go the
extra mile for their own young.
212
00:07:36,247 --> 00:07:37,373
[ Burps ] Aah.
213
00:07:37,373 --> 00:07:38,666
[ Panting ] Aah!
214
00:07:38,666 --> 00:07:40,626
Waaaah!
[ Siren wailing ]
215
00:07:40,626 --> 00:07:43,546
Chili too hot!
Wow!
216
00:07:43,546 --> 00:07:46,132
Baba need wawa!
217
00:07:46,132 --> 00:07:47,425
[ Gulping ]
218
00:07:47,425 --> 00:07:50,344
[ Pounding on door ]
Officer:
Chili police! Open up!
219
00:07:50,344 --> 00:07:54,098
You have 30 seconds,
or we'll do this!
220
00:07:54,098 --> 00:07:55,725
[ Gun cocks ]
221
00:07:55,725 --> 00:07:58,352
[ Machine-gun fire ]
222
00:07:58,352 --> 00:07:59,395
♪♪
223
00:07:59,395 --> 00:08:02,231
Mmm.
[ Snorts, grunts ]
224
00:08:02,231 --> 00:08:04,108
Mmm.
Yummy cop in my tum-tum.
225
00:08:04,108 --> 00:08:05,193
Mmm!
226
00:08:05,193 --> 00:08:08,821
Announcer: Some claim
that cop meat is brain food.
227
00:08:08,821 --> 00:08:09,864
Ahh!
228
00:08:09,864 --> 00:08:12,575
[ British accent ] Blimey,
that quite hit the spot, Eric.
229
00:08:12,575 --> 00:08:14,994
But my name is Benny.
230
00:08:14,994 --> 00:08:16,412
You can't fool me, Eric.
231
00:08:16,412 --> 00:08:19,332
You see,
I am no ordinary wound.
232
00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:21,167
For I am British.
233
00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:23,920
I think I'm going crazy.
234
00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:27,423
Nonsense. I would contend
that you are...
235
00:08:27,423 --> 00:08:29,675
going sane.
236
00:08:29,675 --> 00:08:30,635
Rawr!
237
00:08:30,635 --> 00:08:32,470
[ Glass shatters, guitar plays ]
238
00:08:32,470 --> 00:08:34,764
And now that you have
raised me proper,
239
00:08:34,764 --> 00:08:37,975
I hereby agree to be
your Spirit Guide.
240
00:08:37,975 --> 00:08:39,560
But I don't want
a spirit guide.
241
00:08:39,560 --> 00:08:43,272
Excellent! That is the first
step in your soul journey.
242
00:08:43,272 --> 00:08:45,358
Step 2 -- magic trick.
243
00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:47,610
Now, choose a number
between 1 and 13,
244
00:08:47,610 --> 00:08:48,736
but not 2 or 4.
245
00:08:48,736 --> 00:08:49,987
Now double it, add 16,
246
00:08:49,987 --> 00:08:51,531
multiply by 3,
and subtract half.
247
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:53,115
Now, what was
your original number?
248
00:08:53,115 --> 00:08:54,450
I never chose a number.
249
00:08:54,450 --> 00:08:58,246
And this is just
as I have foreseen.
250
00:08:58,246 --> 00:09:01,249
So. Do you
feel maturated now?
251
00:09:01,249 --> 00:09:02,250
I guess.
252
00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:04,210
Announcer:
When their healing work is done,
253
00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:07,004
our wounds begin
to heal themselves.
254
00:09:07,004 --> 00:09:08,339
[ Straining ]
255
00:09:08,339 --> 00:09:10,633
[ Weakly ]
You've got to help me!
256
00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:12,343
I'm dying!
257
00:09:12,343 --> 00:09:14,178
No,
it's just you're healing.
258
00:09:14,178 --> 00:09:17,640
What do you think happens
to me when I'm all healed?
259
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:20,601
I'm dead, gone!
260
00:09:20,601 --> 00:09:22,270
You've got to cut me.
261
00:09:22,270 --> 00:09:25,940
[ Thinking ] Please don't
make me do this to me.
262
00:09:25,940 --> 00:09:27,692
You want me to die?
263
00:09:27,692 --> 00:09:29,694
Are you a murderer?
264
00:09:29,694 --> 00:09:31,279
Cut me, murderer!
265
00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:33,364
Okay, okay.
266
00:09:33,364 --> 00:09:34,323
Aah!
267
00:09:34,323 --> 00:09:36,867
What the bloody hell
are you doing?!
268
00:09:36,867 --> 00:09:38,911
You told me to cut you.
269
00:09:38,911 --> 00:09:41,247
I did no such thing!
[ Crying ]
270
00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:43,332
This means
you're the one dying.
271
00:09:43,332 --> 00:09:45,459
You better sign
the contract quick.
272
00:09:45,459 --> 00:09:47,461
[ Clock ticking ]
273
00:09:47,461 --> 00:09:50,256
Free me.
274
00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:55,636
Announcer: At that moment,
Benny became a man in his pants.
275
00:09:55,636 --> 00:09:58,514
He knew what to do.
276
00:09:58,514 --> 00:10:00,000
[ Screeches ]
277
00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:04,520
[ Buzzer ]
278
00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:05,271
[ Tink! ]
279
00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:06,647
[ Harp plays, ding! ]
280
00:10:06,647 --> 00:10:07,607
He passed the test
281
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:11,861
and found the love
his home had long withheld.
282
00:10:11,861 --> 00:10:13,738
Free me.
283
00:10:13,738 --> 00:10:16,324
Push. Push.
284
00:10:16,324 --> 00:10:18,326
Push! Push!
285
00:10:18,326 --> 00:10:22,663
Push! Push! Push!!
286
00:10:22,663 --> 00:10:26,167
"You are the father
I never had"...
287
00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:29,253
Benny thought to himself
about himself.
288
00:10:29,253 --> 00:10:31,505
♪♪
289
00:10:31,505 --> 00:10:33,215
And that is how one boy
290
00:10:33,215 --> 00:10:38,012
discovered where wounds go
when they heal.
291
00:10:39,388 --> 00:10:42,642
♪ "Oh, Father, oh, Father ♪
292
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:44,685
♪ Don't lay the blame on me ♪
293
00:10:44,685 --> 00:10:48,064
♪ 'Twas the false nurse
and Lankin ♪
294
00:10:48,064 --> 00:10:50,441
♪ That killed your lady" ♪
295
00:10:50,441 --> 00:10:53,319
♪ So Lankin was hung ♪
296
00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:55,696
♪ On the gibbet so high ♪
297
00:10:55,696 --> 00:11:01,369
♪ And the false nurse was burned
in a fire close by ♪
298
00:11:01,369 --> 00:11:12,463
♪♪