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(crickets chirping)

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Downloaded from
YTS.MX

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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(dramatic acoustic music)

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(boat horn blowing)

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(sighing)

7
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No, that won't do.

8
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So, Brian, are you enjoying your vacation so far?

9
00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:15,029
Oh, that's right.

10
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You had to cancel last minute,

11
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so you leave me all by myself.

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Thanks so much for that by the way.

13
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I know.

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I know, he's your father,

15
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but he made it through surgery,

16
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so he's gonna be fine,

17
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which I could've told you would've happened.

18
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Your rabbi would've told you it would happen

19
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and he would've known, right?

20
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But no, you had to fly all the way back to New York

21
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and miss the cruise that we've been planning for six months.

22
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Oh, and thanks so much for calling my parents

23
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to let them know.

24
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This morning, I got the call.

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"Hank, it's Elaine Eisenberg, your mother.

26
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Your friend Brian flew all the way back to New York

27
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to visit his parents on a Thursday, no less.

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Such a good boy.

29
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I'm lucky your brother's here to check in on me.

30
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God forbid I have a stroke and I'm lying dead in a bathtub

31
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and you wouldn't know, mister big shot movie-maker in LA.

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Don't you worry about me.

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You enjoy your cruise.

34
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Just don't touch anything.

35
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Petri dishes, those boats are nothing

36
00:03:17,521 --> 00:03:20,391
but giant Petri dishes full of germs.

37
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Oh, and pick me up a nice necklace

38
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when you're in Mexico."

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We had plans, you and me, Brian.

40
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Plans to help me get over

41
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he who will not be fucked.

42
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I needed this, Brian.

43
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I needed your support.

44
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Now, I guess I'm on my own,

45
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as usual.

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(dramatic acoustic music)

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(chattering)

48
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Oh, I'm sorry.

49
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Did I just ruin your picture?

50
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Not at all.

51
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You give good foreground.

52
00:04:37,824 --> 00:04:38,824
Good what?

53
00:04:40,226 --> 00:04:42,075
You provide a nice anchor to the foreground,

54
00:04:42,075 --> 00:04:43,287
therefore giving a nice contrast

55
00:04:43,287 --> 00:04:45,770
to the figures in the background.

56
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You must be what, a photographer, a filmmaker?

57
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Really?

58
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'Cause I could've sworn my parents

59
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told me I must not be a filmmaker,

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I must be something sensible, like a dentist.

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(laughing)

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I'm Hank.

63
00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:00,876
I'm Kurt.

64
00:05:00,876 --> 00:05:02,640
Kurt Dimmeldorf, nice to meet you.

65
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Dimmeldorf, that's Hawaiian, right?

66
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Yeah, of course.

67
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What about you?

68
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What's your last name?

69
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I just, I love last names.

70
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They always tell such a story.

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Eisenberg.

72
00:05:14,455 --> 00:05:17,517
What does that name tell you?

73
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That you're a good catholic boy

74
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and that your parents wanted you to go into the priesthood

75
00:05:21,787 --> 00:05:23,117
instead of becoming a filmmaker

76
00:05:23,117 --> 00:05:24,956
or even a sensible dentist.

77
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You want that my father should roll in his grave

78
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with all this priesthood meshugahs?

79
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You know, I'm actually a quarter Jewish?

80
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It doesn't exactly work that way,

81
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but please explain.

82
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So, my grandfather on my father's side was Jewish.

83
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He married my grandmother and left Germany in the 1930s,

84
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go figure, only to settle down in, wait for it,

85
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Indianapolis.

86
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Aw, the famous Jewish settlement of Indianapolis.

87
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Such a nice little shtetl.

88
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Well, there they had my father,

89
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who married a nice Scottish lass.

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That explains the hair.

91
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Yeah, exactly.

92
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And then they had me and I've lived in Indianapolis

93
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my whole life.

94
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So, if my grandfather was Jewish,

95
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that makes my father half-Jewish,

96
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which makes me quarter-Jewish.

97
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Remind me to explain to you some day

98
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how that actually works.

99
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So, a nice quarter-Jewish boy from Indiana.

100
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If you're a doctor, you could marry me

101
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and make my mother's dreams come true.

102
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(laughing)

103
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Wow, did I just out myself

104
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and hit on a totally not gay guy in one awkward sentence?

105
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Yeah, pretty much.

106
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I blame the drinks

107
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with the little pineapple skewers in them,

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the ones I'm gonna drink heavily

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as soon as I find the nearest bar.

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I'm sorry if I offended you.

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No no no.

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No offense taken.

113
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But, I should go.

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See you around the ship, Eisenberg.

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(upbeat mariachi music)

116
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Bon voyage, Brian,

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you bastard.

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(upbeat rock music)

119
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Look at that view, Brian.

120
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Have you ever seen anything like it?

121
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No, of course not, 'cause you're not actually here.

122
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Eisenberg.

123
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Having fun?

124
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The last few hours have changed my life.

125
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How about you?

126
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You know, just unpacking, checking out the ship.

127
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You see the gym and that spa?

128
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Yeah, it's much nicer than I expected.

129
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So, who were you talking to when I walked over?

130
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Nobody.

131
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It's just a verbal tick.

132
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See, I talk to myself sometimes.

133
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A bad habit Dr. Mandelbaum says I can get over

134
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by dealing with my self esteem issues,

135
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which stem from me talking to myself.

136
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Too much information?

137
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Never.

138
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Well, I definitely won't get over it this week,

139
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traveling solo and all.

140
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I'm sure you can find someone to talk to

141
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on a ship filled a few thousand people.

142
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Maybe, but I was supposed to be traveling

143
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with my best friend, Brian,

144
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and he had to cancel last minute, family emergency.

145
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Long story, don't ask.

146
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So now, here I am, stuck on a ship

147
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full of couples and families.

148
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I'm sure it's not that bad.

149
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You know, hey, you met me, right?

150
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Yes, but…

151
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you're not traveling alone, are you?

152
00:10:26,556 --> 00:10:27,438
No.

153
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I'm with my wife, Kate.

154
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Kurt and Kate, that's cute.

155
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Where is cute Kate?

156
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Ah, in the cabin throwing up.

157
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(Hank laughing)

158
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Already?

159
00:10:38,153 --> 00:10:39,413
Yeah, as soon as the ship started moving,

160
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she started hurling.

161
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I think this'll be her first and her last cruise.

162
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Sorry.

163
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So, while she's resting, I'm on my own

164
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for the first night of our vacation, so...

165
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I mean, hey, we can be on our own together.

166
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Sure, why not?

167
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Well, I have to go check on her,

168
00:10:56,477 --> 00:10:57,844
but I saw you sitting here

169
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and I just wanted to say hello.

170
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I'll look for you later.

171
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We can hang.

172
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Later, Eisenberg.

173
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Really?

174
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Calling men by their last name is so

175
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straight.

176
00:11:16,707 --> 00:11:18,476
But, he also has a wife,

177
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which I must admit is also pretty straight.

178
00:11:23,418 --> 00:11:25,073
No, this is good.

179
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Dr. Mandelbaum says I should be friends

180
00:11:27,002 --> 00:11:29,727
with more straight men,

181
00:11:29,727 --> 00:11:32,266
which I thought was good advice,

182
00:11:32,266 --> 00:11:35,747
until I saw him wearing leather chaps at The Eagle.

183
00:11:35,747 --> 00:11:37,866
Not that I wouldn't listen to it,

184
00:11:37,866 --> 00:11:39,966
but why am I paying him each week

185
00:11:39,966 --> 00:11:44,604
to listen to advice I could get from a fortune cookie?

186
00:11:44,604 --> 00:11:45,437
So,

187
00:11:46,284 --> 00:11:50,045
friends with a straight guy on a cruise ship.

188
00:11:50,045 --> 00:11:51,712
I can do this, yeah.

189
00:11:53,177 --> 00:11:55,510
I'll just look for him later

190
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and hang.

191
00:12:00,723 --> 00:12:04,890
(dramatic acoustic music)
(chattering)

192
00:13:39,137 --> 00:13:41,153
Morning, Brian.

193
00:13:41,153 --> 00:13:43,496
No, you go ahead and you shower first.

194
00:13:43,496 --> 00:13:46,333
I'm gonna check out today's wealth of activities.

195
00:13:46,333 --> 00:13:48,835
Oh, look, yoga for seniors.

196
00:13:48,835 --> 00:13:51,793
Perhaps I could find a limber sugar daddy.

197
00:13:51,793 --> 00:13:54,505
Should I have breakfast at the buffet,

198
00:13:54,505 --> 00:13:57,146
breakfast in the dining room, breakfast out on deck,

199
00:13:57,146 --> 00:13:59,313
or room service breakfast?

200
00:14:01,243 --> 00:14:04,056
And there are even more options for dining for lunch.

201
00:14:04,056 --> 00:14:05,639
There goes my diet.

202
00:14:07,175 --> 00:14:09,517
Magic show tonight at eight PM.

203
00:14:09,517 --> 00:14:11,390
No, thank you.

204
00:14:11,390 --> 00:14:13,307
The song stylings of...

205
00:14:14,786 --> 00:14:17,119
Song stylings, no thank you.

206
00:14:20,736 --> 00:14:22,659
Wanna hit the gym?

207
00:14:22,659 --> 00:14:24,006
Let's do it.

208
00:14:24,006 --> 00:14:24,883
(upbeat dance music)

209
00:14:24,883 --> 00:14:28,216
♪ On a personal holiday ♪

210
00:14:31,412 --> 00:14:34,745
♪ On a personal holiday ♪

211
00:14:38,515 --> 00:14:41,848
♪ On a personal holiday ♪

212
00:14:43,325 --> 00:14:44,658
How's your wife?

213
00:14:46,285 --> 00:14:47,618
Still seasick.

214
00:14:49,332 --> 00:14:51,852
I heard from some people in the gym last night

215
00:14:51,852 --> 00:14:53,672
it was pretty rough,

216
00:14:53,672 --> 00:14:56,313
but I could sleep through anything.

217
00:14:56,313 --> 00:14:58,152
Same here, but Kate can't take it.

218
00:14:58,152 --> 00:15:01,819
A swell of the waves and she's on her knees.

219
00:15:03,782 --> 00:15:06,496
Throwing up in the toilet.

220
00:15:06,496 --> 00:15:10,079
Get your mind out of the gutter, Eisenberg.

221
00:15:11,522 --> 00:15:13,846
You never said, any kids?

222
00:15:13,846 --> 00:15:14,723
(Kurt laughing)

223
00:15:14,723 --> 00:15:18,102
I'm the only kid Kate can deal with right now.

224
00:15:18,102 --> 00:15:19,881
What does Kate do for a living?

225
00:15:19,881 --> 00:15:20,846
Public relations.

226
00:15:20,846 --> 00:15:22,631
She's really good with people.

227
00:15:22,631 --> 00:15:24,556
Even with you?

228
00:15:24,556 --> 00:15:25,952
Most of the time.

229
00:15:25,952 --> 00:15:28,686
And is married life all it's cracked up to be?

230
00:15:28,686 --> 00:15:30,525
It's exactly what you'd expect.

231
00:15:30,525 --> 00:15:31,892
Is that good or bad?

232
00:15:31,892 --> 00:15:35,225
It's exactly what you'd expect.

233
00:15:37,333 --> 00:15:39,158
How long have you been married?

234
00:15:39,158 --> 00:15:40,553
Seven years.

235
00:15:40,553 --> 00:15:42,112
Seven years?

236
00:15:42,112 --> 00:15:45,033
Wow, my last relationship was only seven months

237
00:15:45,033 --> 00:15:48,482
and then my boyfriend got the seven-month itch.

238
00:15:48,482 --> 00:15:50,493
Longing for greener pastures?

239
00:15:50,493 --> 00:15:53,853
No, he cheated on me and got crabs.

240
00:15:53,853 --> 00:15:54,973
Ouch.

241
00:15:54,973 --> 00:15:57,723
Yeah, that was my reaction too.

242
00:16:03,443 --> 00:16:06,472
I can't believe a cruise ship has a library.

243
00:16:06,472 --> 00:16:09,286
And it's not full of romance novels.

244
00:16:09,286 --> 00:16:11,633
Kate loves her romance novels.

245
00:16:11,633 --> 00:16:13,383
Of course she does.

246
00:16:14,382 --> 00:16:16,253
You know, I should really get her something.

247
00:16:16,253 --> 00:16:18,420
You see anything you like?

248
00:16:19,352 --> 00:16:22,352
Sure, but I brought books with me.

249
00:16:25,054 --> 00:16:28,452
You brought books on vacation?

250
00:16:28,452 --> 00:16:30,795
People read on vacation.

251
00:16:30,795 --> 00:16:32,462
To each their own.

252
00:16:36,535 --> 00:16:38,452
This book is so good.

253
00:16:39,586 --> 00:16:41,280
Have you read it?

254
00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:42,113
No.

255
00:16:43,469 --> 00:16:45,760
Take it, please.

256
00:16:45,760 --> 00:16:47,647
I can't just take it.

257
00:16:47,647 --> 00:16:48,616
You can take it.

258
00:16:48,616 --> 00:16:50,207
It's a library.

259
00:16:50,207 --> 00:16:52,956
It's sort of why they exist.

260
00:16:52,956 --> 00:16:53,789
Trust me.

261
00:16:56,437 --> 00:16:58,020
This looks weird.

262
00:16:59,498 --> 00:17:03,176
It's gonna change your life.

263
00:17:03,176 --> 00:17:05,500
Wanna get some sun after lunch?

264
00:17:05,500 --> 00:17:06,746
Sure.

265
00:17:06,746 --> 00:17:09,067
I just need to go to my cabin and put on my swimsuit.

266
00:17:09,067 --> 00:17:10,120
Same here.

267
00:17:10,120 --> 00:17:12,870
Meet you up top in a few minutes.

268
00:18:04,930 --> 00:18:08,187
So, this Brian guy, is he your boyfriend or whatever?

269
00:18:08,187 --> 00:18:09,447
God, no.

270
00:18:09,447 --> 00:18:10,530
Just friends.

271
00:18:11,579 --> 00:18:13,749
Just friends?

272
00:18:13,749 --> 00:18:15,976
Fine, we fooled around a little when we first met,

273
00:18:15,976 --> 00:18:17,737
but that's it.

274
00:18:17,737 --> 00:18:19,509
We're gay, not celibate.

275
00:18:19,509 --> 00:18:22,239
So, no one special in your life?

276
00:18:22,239 --> 00:18:24,166
You sound like my mother.

277
00:18:24,166 --> 00:18:25,963
"When are you gonna settle down, Hank?

278
00:18:25,963 --> 00:18:30,130
You can get married legally now, so do it already."

279
00:18:41,820 --> 00:18:45,339
Man, time sure flies when you're doing nothing.

280
00:18:45,339 --> 00:18:46,172
Hey, um,

281
00:18:47,859 --> 00:18:49,856
I hear there's a band playing down by the pool later.

282
00:18:49,856 --> 00:18:52,443
You wanna check it out?

283
00:18:52,443 --> 00:18:53,526
Yeah, sure.

284
00:18:54,803 --> 00:18:57,803
Yeah, I'm just good with you and me.

285
00:19:00,683 --> 00:19:03,380
I didn't even know they had a whole messaging system.

286
00:19:03,380 --> 00:19:05,916
Yeah, it's on their WiFi network.

287
00:19:05,916 --> 00:19:06,749
And, boom.

288
00:19:08,966 --> 00:19:12,359
I put in my contact info, so you can hit me up anytime.

289
00:19:12,359 --> 00:19:14,352
Cool, thanks.

290
00:19:14,352 --> 00:19:15,266
Anytime, bro.

291
00:19:15,266 --> 00:19:17,016
I'll catch you later.

292
00:19:20,177 --> 00:19:23,594
Yeah, I can't with the whole bro thing.

293
00:19:39,934 --> 00:19:42,601
(Kate vomiting)

294
00:19:50,243 --> 00:19:51,743
I'm fine.

295
00:20:07,164 --> 00:20:09,740
Yes, Brian, I'm trying to decide which outfit

296
00:20:09,740 --> 00:20:12,834
will be least threatening to the straight married guy

297
00:20:12,834 --> 00:20:15,074
I might see later, while also appealing to

298
00:20:15,074 --> 00:20:19,169
whoever I may meet at tonight's friends of Dorothy mixer.

299
00:20:19,169 --> 00:20:21,007
Seriously, I can't believe they still call it

300
00:20:21,007 --> 00:20:22,590
friends of Dorothy.

301
00:20:24,524 --> 00:20:26,241
I know, why should I bring a Hawaiian shirt

302
00:20:26,241 --> 00:20:28,300
on a Mexican cruise?

303
00:20:28,300 --> 00:20:33,013
Would anyone on this boat even appreciate the irony?

304
00:20:33,013 --> 00:20:37,231
Yes, I know, Dr. Mandelbaum that this isn't healthy.

305
00:20:37,231 --> 00:20:38,874
I should just be myself

306
00:20:38,874 --> 00:20:41,730
and if he doesn't like me for being me,

307
00:20:41,730 --> 00:20:44,563
he isn't worth having as a friend.

308
00:20:46,099 --> 00:20:48,516
Well, that's just too boring.

309
00:20:50,251 --> 00:20:52,403
Should I save the white jeans for the white party

310
00:20:52,403 --> 00:20:54,573
I read about later in the cruise.

311
00:20:54,573 --> 00:20:56,551
Can you even imagine what this crowd's version

312
00:20:56,551 --> 00:20:59,122
of white party would be, Brian?

313
00:20:59,122 --> 00:21:00,372
The mind reels.

314
00:21:06,683 --> 00:21:09,850
Friends of Dorothy mixer, here I come.

315
00:21:12,264 --> 00:21:15,264
(upbeat rock music)

316
00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:19,717
Seven PM, friends of Dorothy mixer.

317
00:21:21,630 --> 00:21:22,463
Seriously?

318
00:21:24,271 --> 00:21:26,516
(text message receiving)

319
00:21:26,516 --> 00:21:29,933
(text message receiving)

320
00:21:36,936 --> 00:21:40,186
(text message sending)

321
00:21:42,850 --> 00:21:44,876
You know, Kate's always wanted to go on a cruise

322
00:21:44,876 --> 00:21:46,768
and now she's missing it.

323
00:21:46,768 --> 00:21:48,277
Sucks.

324
00:21:48,277 --> 00:21:50,060
Yeah, not lately.

325
00:21:50,060 --> 00:21:51,198
What was that?

326
00:21:51,198 --> 00:21:52,781
Nothing, nothing.

327
00:21:55,608 --> 00:21:59,691
You never said, what do you do in Indianapolis?

328
00:22:01,558 --> 00:22:06,160
I am an IT specialist at an insurance company.

329
00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:07,056
Boring, yes.

330
00:22:07,056 --> 00:22:09,184
Very very boring.

331
00:22:09,184 --> 00:22:11,351
How'd you get into that?

332
00:22:13,687 --> 00:22:15,798
I fell into it, was good at it,

333
00:22:15,798 --> 00:22:17,298
and now here I am.

334
00:22:19,247 --> 00:22:20,731
It's never too late for a change.

335
00:22:20,731 --> 00:22:24,109
Yeah, what would I do instead, you know?

336
00:22:24,109 --> 00:22:27,717
Well, what do you wanna do?

337
00:22:27,717 --> 00:22:29,134
So many things.

338
00:22:31,390 --> 00:22:34,818
But hey, you know, it is what it is.

339
00:22:34,818 --> 00:22:35,696
What about you?

340
00:22:35,696 --> 00:22:39,687
You made any films that I might've seen?

341
00:22:39,687 --> 00:22:40,770
Not likely.

342
00:22:42,679 --> 00:22:44,461
I make gay-themed films.

343
00:22:44,461 --> 00:22:46,294
You know, indie stuff.

344
00:22:47,541 --> 00:22:48,941
Porn?

345
00:22:48,941 --> 00:22:52,590
No, why does everyone think that gay-themed films

346
00:22:52,590 --> 00:22:53,468
are porn?

347
00:22:53,468 --> 00:22:54,480
(Kurt laughing)

348
00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:55,848
I was joking.

349
00:22:55,848 --> 00:22:56,897
I'm sorry.

350
00:22:56,897 --> 00:22:57,859
You like it?

351
00:22:57,859 --> 00:22:58,736
Porn?

352
00:22:58,736 --> 00:22:59,569
I love it.

353
00:23:00,747 --> 00:23:02,664
Well, cheers to that.

354
00:23:09,214 --> 00:23:11,056
You want another round?

355
00:23:11,056 --> 00:23:11,945
Finish that.

356
00:23:11,945 --> 00:23:14,029
I'll get you another.

357
00:23:14,029 --> 00:23:17,440
You did not actually look that up.

358
00:23:17,440 --> 00:23:18,458
I did.

359
00:23:18,458 --> 00:23:19,330
Fuck.

360
00:23:19,330 --> 00:23:22,426
There are no nude beaches in Mexico.

361
00:23:22,426 --> 00:23:25,126
At least, not where we're docking.

362
00:23:25,126 --> 00:23:26,558
Docking?

363
00:23:26,558 --> 00:23:29,225
Docking, where the boat docks.

364
00:23:31,516 --> 00:23:33,092
Docking.

365
00:23:33,092 --> 00:23:35,366
It's just a funny word, docking.

366
00:23:35,366 --> 00:23:36,949
Like dock, docking.

367
00:23:37,816 --> 00:23:41,354
Anyways, yeah, I don't think, I don't think

368
00:23:41,354 --> 00:23:43,962
Kate would like to go to a nude beach, you know?

369
00:23:43,962 --> 00:23:46,464
So, who invited her?

370
00:23:46,464 --> 00:23:48,965
(laughing)

371
00:23:48,965 --> 00:23:49,798
Kidding.

372
00:23:51,224 --> 00:23:52,641
Well, not really.

373
00:23:54,075 --> 00:23:57,346
I mean, not her specifically, just women in general.

374
00:23:57,346 --> 00:23:59,484
I don't need to see that.

375
00:23:59,484 --> 00:24:02,736
Hey, man, do not knock it till you try it.

376
00:24:02,736 --> 00:24:04,403
Ugh, no thank you.

377
00:24:05,536 --> 00:24:07,036
Wait, so you've,

378
00:24:07,916 --> 00:24:10,749
you've never had sex with a woman?

379
00:24:12,639 --> 00:24:14,389
I am 100% gay.

380
00:24:17,194 --> 00:24:18,361
How about you?

381
00:24:21,356 --> 00:24:22,189
Me?

382
00:24:24,261 --> 00:24:27,178
I've had sex with women many times.

383
00:24:28,762 --> 00:24:31,665
All right, come on, come on, one more drink?

384
00:24:31,665 --> 00:24:34,530
One more drink, one more drink, yeah.

385
00:24:34,530 --> 00:24:35,410
One more.

386
00:24:35,410 --> 00:24:36,910
One more.

387
00:24:40,625 --> 00:24:43,292
(door knocking)

388
00:24:48,064 --> 00:24:49,397
Just a minute.

389
00:24:53,402 --> 00:24:56,069
(door knocking)

390
00:25:02,694 --> 00:25:03,611
Dimmeldorf.

391
00:25:06,621 --> 00:25:07,494
I woke you.

392
00:25:07,494 --> 00:25:08,327
I'm sorry.

393
00:25:09,631 --> 00:25:11,298
No, I was reading.

394
00:25:13,952 --> 00:25:15,452
You wanna come in.

395
00:25:29,511 --> 00:25:30,784
You were asleep.

396
00:25:30,784 --> 00:25:33,181
I knew, I knew it was too late.

397
00:25:33,181 --> 00:25:34,848
No, I was reading.

398
00:25:35,722 --> 00:25:38,805
Reading, remember I read on vacation.

399
00:25:47,954 --> 00:25:48,831
But--

400
00:25:48,831 --> 00:25:50,090
Shhh.

401
00:25:50,090 --> 00:25:53,590
(dramatic acoustic music)

402
00:25:56,181 --> 00:25:59,014
(heavy breathing)

403
00:26:28,064 --> 00:26:30,005
I want you to fuck me.

404
00:26:30,005 --> 00:26:31,092
Aren't you married?

405
00:26:31,092 --> 00:26:31,925
So what.

406
00:26:33,068 --> 00:26:35,381
Aren't you straight?

407
00:26:35,381 --> 00:26:37,964
I said I want you to fuck me.

408
00:26:41,622 --> 00:26:43,455
Or did I misjudge your

409
00:26:45,335 --> 00:26:46,168
position?

410
00:27:15,399 --> 00:27:16,272
Are you all right?

411
00:27:16,272 --> 00:27:17,105
Shhhh.

412
00:27:21,013 --> 00:27:24,263
(moaning and laughing)

413
00:28:05,251 --> 00:28:08,001
(waves crashing)

414
00:28:10,585 --> 00:28:13,252
(door knocking)

415
00:28:15,942 --> 00:28:19,442
Housekeeper: Mr. Eisenberg, can I clean your room?

416
00:28:19,442 --> 00:28:22,538
Um, can you come back later please?

417
00:28:22,538 --> 00:28:26,038
Housekeeper: No problem, Mr. Eisenberg.

418
00:28:34,525 --> 00:28:37,192
This is all your fault, Brian.

419
00:28:38,533 --> 00:28:39,533
Thanks, bro.

420
00:29:24,591 --> 00:29:26,903
Morning, Eisenberg.

421
00:29:26,903 --> 00:29:28,070
Not so loud.

422
00:29:29,741 --> 00:29:32,152
Morning, Eisenberg.

423
00:29:32,152 --> 00:29:33,985
Morning, Dimmeldorf.

424
00:29:34,900 --> 00:29:37,591
Looks like someone can't hold their liquor.

425
00:29:37,591 --> 00:29:39,102
Liquor?

426
00:29:39,102 --> 00:29:40,935
I don't even know her.

427
00:29:43,738 --> 00:29:45,713
You know, don't take this the wrong way, man,

428
00:29:45,713 --> 00:29:47,115
but if I didn't already know that you were Jewish,

429
00:29:47,115 --> 00:29:50,877
I could definitely tell from the swimsuit.

430
00:29:50,877 --> 00:29:54,833
Hey, circumcisions are not just for Jewish people.

431
00:29:54,833 --> 00:29:58,250
You know, I saw that on a T-shirt once.

432
00:30:02,639 --> 00:30:03,972
So, that's it?

433
00:30:05,090 --> 00:30:06,561
What?

434
00:30:06,561 --> 00:30:10,042
So, we're not gonna talk about last night?

435
00:30:10,042 --> 00:30:11,880
We'll talk later.

436
00:30:11,880 --> 00:30:16,047
Till then just shut up and enjoy the sun, Eisenberg.

437
00:31:45,086 --> 00:31:46,086
What's this?

438
00:31:47,308 --> 00:31:51,807
That is the to-do list that Brian and I made

439
00:31:51,807 --> 00:31:53,974
when we booked the cruise.

440
00:31:54,835 --> 00:31:56,502
A cocktail napkin.

441
00:31:57,369 --> 00:31:59,768
We may have been drinking.

442
00:31:59,768 --> 00:32:00,768
Don't judge.

443
00:32:04,631 --> 00:32:05,503
Wow.

444
00:32:05,503 --> 00:32:08,341
Number one, visit a Mexican beach.

445
00:32:08,341 --> 00:32:10,190
Yeah, because you don't have any beaches

446
00:32:10,190 --> 00:32:11,751
in Los Angeles.

447
00:32:11,751 --> 00:32:13,238
Quiet, I'm reading.

448
00:32:13,238 --> 00:32:16,719
And the beaches are totally different in Los Angeles.

449
00:32:16,719 --> 00:32:18,719
Number two, be a pirate.

450
00:32:19,780 --> 00:32:21,759
Oh, that's that excursion that Brian and I booked

451
00:32:21,759 --> 00:32:22,842
for tomorrow.

452
00:32:24,276 --> 00:32:27,392
Number three, get laid on board.

453
00:32:27,392 --> 00:32:28,619
That was really more for Brian.

454
00:32:28,619 --> 00:32:30,786
He has a think for seamen.

455
00:32:32,311 --> 00:32:33,324
Really?

456
00:32:33,324 --> 00:32:34,938
No laughter for my seamen joke?

457
00:32:34,938 --> 00:32:37,472
Oh, that was a joke.

458
00:32:37,472 --> 00:32:38,699
Fine.

459
00:32:38,699 --> 00:32:40,699
Number four, get over...

460
00:32:44,425 --> 00:32:46,008
Over what?

461
00:32:48,602 --> 00:32:49,935
Not what, who.

462
00:32:52,839 --> 00:32:54,430
My ex,

463
00:32:54,430 --> 00:32:55,680
get over my ex.

464
00:32:58,211 --> 00:32:59,794
How's that going?

465
00:33:02,182 --> 00:33:03,265
No comment.

466
00:33:04,562 --> 00:33:07,479
And number five, make a new friend.

467
00:33:11,142 --> 00:33:14,539
I added that last one after I sobered up in the morning.

468
00:33:14,539 --> 00:33:15,372
Why?

469
00:33:17,932 --> 00:33:20,855
Because it's hard to find real friends

470
00:33:20,855 --> 00:33:24,126
in Los Angeles, not just people that you meet at parties

471
00:33:24,126 --> 00:33:28,628
who say they're gonna hang out, but never do.

472
00:33:28,628 --> 00:33:32,791
You know, Los Angeles does not have a monopoly on flakes.

473
00:33:32,791 --> 00:33:36,729
I've got work colleagues and couples friends

474
00:33:36,729 --> 00:33:39,161
and of course, you know, my family and Kate's family,

475
00:33:39,161 --> 00:33:41,661
most of them just live nearby.

476
00:33:43,167 --> 00:33:44,691
Well, that's why I figured a cruise

477
00:33:44,691 --> 00:33:47,506
would be a good vacation.

478
00:33:47,506 --> 00:33:50,258
People let their guards down.

479
00:33:50,258 --> 00:33:51,868
You get to see a real person,

480
00:33:51,868 --> 00:33:54,505
away from their jobs and responsibilities.

481
00:33:54,505 --> 00:33:56,422
Yeah, I can see that.

482
00:33:58,621 --> 00:33:59,454
And hey,

483
00:34:00,858 --> 00:34:03,525
maybe you already made a friend.

484
00:34:05,227 --> 00:34:06,227
I hope so.

485
00:34:10,619 --> 00:34:11,898
Mmmm, mm, mm.

486
00:34:11,898 --> 00:34:15,556
You know they have a movie theater on board?

487
00:34:15,556 --> 00:34:17,179
What am I doing with this partly Jewish,

488
00:34:17,179 --> 00:34:19,476
partly straight guy?

489
00:34:19,476 --> 00:34:22,276
I mean, what are we gonna do, order some gefilte fish

490
00:34:22,276 --> 00:34:25,175
and Manischewitz in the dining room and discuss the Torah

491
00:34:25,175 --> 00:34:28,786
or continue to avoid the subject of his wife,

492
00:34:28,786 --> 00:34:30,703
his marriage, his life?

493
00:34:32,720 --> 00:34:34,224
Is he firmly entrenched in the closet

494
00:34:34,224 --> 00:34:36,224
or does he need a nudge?

495
00:34:38,199 --> 00:34:42,366
And if he does need a nudge, should I be the one to do it?

496
00:34:44,172 --> 00:34:45,171
(sighing)

497
00:34:45,171 --> 00:34:46,338
Shut up, Hank.

498
00:34:47,201 --> 00:34:49,070
(waves crashing)

499
00:34:49,070 --> 00:34:52,070
(boat horn blowing)

500
00:34:54,429 --> 00:34:56,179
Hey, Dimmeldorf.

501
00:34:56,179 --> 00:34:57,071
Hey.

502
00:34:57,071 --> 00:34:58,240
I could really use a drink.

503
00:34:58,240 --> 00:34:59,657
You read my mind.

504
00:35:00,936 --> 00:35:02,267
There you are.

505
00:35:02,267 --> 00:35:03,140
Hey.

506
00:35:03,140 --> 00:35:05,640
Mama needs her juice.

507
00:35:08,608 --> 00:35:10,311
How are you feeling?

508
00:35:10,311 --> 00:35:11,918
Ugh, don't even ask.

509
00:35:11,918 --> 00:35:13,391
But there's just way too much sun

510
00:35:13,391 --> 00:35:14,890
to be in that dreary cabin one more minute.

511
00:35:14,890 --> 00:35:17,609
We got one of the cabins without a balcony.

512
00:35:17,609 --> 00:35:19,009
Never again,

513
00:35:19,009 --> 00:35:20,009
never again.

514
00:35:22,369 --> 00:35:25,811
Wait, who are you and how did you know I was sick?

515
00:35:25,811 --> 00:35:26,898
Um, this is Hank.

516
00:35:26,898 --> 00:35:27,906
He's been keeping me company

517
00:35:27,906 --> 00:35:29,698
ever since you practically abandoned me.

518
00:35:29,698 --> 00:35:31,031
Well, I never.

519
00:35:31,919 --> 00:35:33,349
Can you believe this guy?

520
00:35:33,349 --> 00:35:34,262
(laughing)

521
00:35:34,262 --> 00:35:35,139
Hi, I'm Kate.

522
00:35:35,139 --> 00:35:36,012
Hank.

523
00:35:36,012 --> 00:35:36,889
Nice to meet you.

524
00:35:36,889 --> 00:35:37,816
Yeah, you too.

525
00:35:37,816 --> 00:35:40,142
Kurt's been telling me all about his lovely wife.

526
00:35:40,142 --> 00:35:42,368
I can see now that he wasn't lying.

527
00:35:42,368 --> 00:35:43,992
Aw, you.

528
00:35:43,992 --> 00:35:46,877
Well thank you so so much for keeping my husband company

529
00:35:46,877 --> 00:35:48,929
while I've been heaving my guts out

530
00:35:48,929 --> 00:35:50,008
in that little tiny bathroom.

531
00:35:50,008 --> 00:35:52,079
The bathrooms are so tiny.

532
00:35:52,079 --> 00:35:53,412
It's ridiculous.

533
00:35:54,301 --> 00:35:56,728
So, what have you guys been up to?

534
00:35:56,728 --> 00:35:57,561
Head.

535
00:35:59,199 --> 00:36:00,848
What?

536
00:36:00,848 --> 00:36:03,610
The tiny bathroom on a ship, it's called a head.

537
00:36:03,610 --> 00:36:04,959
Really?

538
00:36:04,959 --> 00:36:06,341
Huh, I didn't know that.

539
00:36:06,341 --> 00:36:08,179
May lightning strike me dead if I'm lying.

540
00:36:08,179 --> 00:36:09,211
(laughing)

541
00:36:09,211 --> 00:36:11,031
Well, I've been traveling solo,

542
00:36:11,031 --> 00:36:14,177
so Kurt's really the one that's been doing me the favor.

543
00:36:14,177 --> 00:36:16,318
Aw, honey that is so sweet.

544
00:36:16,318 --> 00:36:17,191
(gasping)

545
00:36:17,191 --> 00:36:18,380
Join us for dinner.

546
00:36:18,380 --> 00:36:21,195
(laughing)

547
00:36:21,195 --> 00:36:22,028
Yeah.

548
00:36:25,974 --> 00:36:27,966
I'm so glad Kurt's made a friend on board,

549
00:36:27,966 --> 00:36:29,154
since I've been sick,

550
00:36:29,154 --> 00:36:31,168
although between you and me,

551
00:36:31,168 --> 00:36:33,334
he's usually the one leaving me alone when we travel.

552
00:36:33,334 --> 00:36:34,821
I do not.

553
00:36:34,821 --> 00:36:36,168
Hmm, I swear.

554
00:36:36,168 --> 00:36:38,268
He's always going off for a run or to the gym

555
00:36:38,268 --> 00:36:40,704
or to play golf or something whenever we're on vacation,

556
00:36:40,704 --> 00:36:41,954
all by himself.

557
00:36:43,065 --> 00:36:43,898
Can you imagine?

558
00:36:43,898 --> 00:36:44,731
(laughing)

559
00:36:44,731 --> 00:36:46,020
I can actually.

560
00:36:46,020 --> 00:36:48,083
Sometimes I think he makes these things up

561
00:36:48,083 --> 00:36:50,165
just to get away from me.

562
00:36:50,165 --> 00:36:51,998
Isn't that ridiculous?

563
00:36:53,407 --> 00:36:55,540
I think it is so brave that you travel alone.

564
00:36:55,540 --> 00:36:56,926
I could never do that.

565
00:36:56,926 --> 00:36:58,884
Why, if you had had dinner by yourself,

566
00:36:58,884 --> 00:37:02,177
all of those people would've been positively staring at you.

567
00:37:02,177 --> 00:37:04,837
Ah, and all those sad single photographs when you boarded.

568
00:37:04,837 --> 00:37:06,337
Did you see those?

569
00:37:07,829 --> 00:37:08,981
I did.

570
00:37:08,981 --> 00:37:09,898
I'm in one.

571
00:37:11,011 --> 00:37:12,850
Oh, of course.

572
00:37:12,850 --> 00:37:14,847
Gosh, I am sorry.

573
00:37:14,847 --> 00:37:16,649
But don't you get lonely?

574
00:37:16,649 --> 00:37:18,119
I haven't this trip.

575
00:37:18,119 --> 00:37:19,971
Hank was supposed to be with someone who canceled

576
00:37:19,971 --> 00:37:21,161
at the last minute.

577
00:37:21,161 --> 00:37:23,299
Ah, that's terrible.

578
00:37:23,299 --> 00:37:25,289
Oh, was it a lover's quarrel?

579
00:37:25,289 --> 00:37:27,601
I bet you she is at home right now regretting her decision

580
00:37:27,601 --> 00:37:29,526
at this very minute.

581
00:37:29,526 --> 00:37:31,400
No, it was nothing like that.

582
00:37:31,400 --> 00:37:33,028
Brian Schwartz is his name,

583
00:37:33,028 --> 00:37:35,651
not that you need to know that,

584
00:37:35,651 --> 00:37:38,657
but yes, Brian Schwartz, my best friend and I

585
00:37:38,657 --> 00:37:40,551
were supposed to go on a trip together

586
00:37:40,551 --> 00:37:44,257
and he had to cancel last minute, family emergency.

587
00:37:44,257 --> 00:37:48,461
So, here I am, sailing the high seas on my own.

588
00:37:48,461 --> 00:37:51,247
No wife, no girlfriend?

589
00:37:51,247 --> 00:37:52,157
Gay.

590
00:37:52,157 --> 00:37:54,817
No husband, no boyfriend?

591
00:37:54,817 --> 00:37:56,898
Not at the moment.

592
00:37:56,898 --> 00:37:58,947
Aw, that's too bad.

593
00:37:58,947 --> 00:38:02,214
But you know, not everybody can be as lucky

594
00:38:02,214 --> 00:38:03,381
as Kurt and I.

595
00:38:10,437 --> 00:38:12,839
Did I tell you we met in college?

596
00:38:12,839 --> 00:38:14,207
No.

597
00:38:14,207 --> 00:38:16,951
He does not need to hear that story.

598
00:38:16,951 --> 00:38:19,579
Wait, there's a story?

599
00:38:19,579 --> 00:38:21,218
Then you must tell me.

600
00:38:21,218 --> 00:38:23,219
Well, my sorority and Kurt's fraternity

601
00:38:23,219 --> 00:38:24,619
had a mixer senior year.

602
00:38:24,619 --> 00:38:26,840
It was one of those costume parties, you know?

603
00:38:26,840 --> 00:38:28,049
Tres fun.

604
00:38:28,049 --> 00:38:29,480
I was dressed as--

605
00:38:29,480 --> 00:38:31,185
A naughty nurse.

606
00:38:31,185 --> 00:38:33,910
A sexy nurse, not a naughty one.

607
00:38:33,910 --> 00:38:36,410
Anyway, Kurt was dressed as...

608
00:38:37,359 --> 00:38:39,351
You know what, I'm not gonna tell you.

609
00:38:39,351 --> 00:38:40,184
You guess.

610
00:38:41,451 --> 00:38:42,284
Um,

611
00:38:43,621 --> 00:38:45,091
let me think.

612
00:38:45,091 --> 00:38:48,924
A construction worker from The Village People?

613
00:38:50,551 --> 00:38:51,384
OMG.

614
00:38:53,561 --> 00:38:54,947
How did you know that?

615
00:38:54,947 --> 00:38:55,889
(laughing)

616
00:38:55,889 --> 00:38:56,800
I don't know.

617
00:38:56,800 --> 00:39:00,809
He looks a little like a construction worker.

618
00:39:00,809 --> 00:39:02,869
I should think not.

619
00:39:02,869 --> 00:39:05,634
But he just looked so adorable with his fraternity brothers

620
00:39:05,634 --> 00:39:06,950
doing the whole YMCA thing

621
00:39:06,950 --> 00:39:09,521
and I told my friends, I told them,

622
00:39:09,521 --> 00:39:11,411
"I'm gonna marry that man,"

623
00:39:11,411 --> 00:39:12,480
and I did.

624
00:39:12,480 --> 00:39:13,313
L'chaim.

625
00:39:14,370 --> 00:39:15,696
Gesundheit.

626
00:39:15,696 --> 00:39:16,731
(Kate clapping)

627
00:39:16,731 --> 00:39:18,271
I have a great idea.

628
00:39:18,271 --> 00:39:20,740
Why don't you go into town with Kurt tomorrow.

629
00:39:20,740 --> 00:39:22,439
Where are we docking?

630
00:39:22,439 --> 00:39:25,747
It's like Cabo San Vallarta or something like that.

631
00:39:25,747 --> 00:39:27,458
Something like that.

632
00:39:27,458 --> 00:39:28,725
Yeah, with my tummy troubles,

633
00:39:28,725 --> 00:39:30,088
I don't dare get off the ship

634
00:39:30,088 --> 00:39:31,991
and risk eating something terrible.

635
00:39:31,991 --> 00:39:33,741
You should go with him and keep him from doing

636
00:39:33,741 --> 00:39:35,370
whatever he normally does without me.

637
00:39:35,370 --> 00:39:36,820
Keep an eye on him.

638
00:39:36,820 --> 00:39:38,656
That's a good idea, right honey?

639
00:39:38,656 --> 00:39:39,799
Yeah, of course.

640
00:39:39,799 --> 00:39:43,258
I do have an extra ticket for an excursion tomorrow.

641
00:39:43,258 --> 00:39:45,417
We bought two before Brian bailed on me.

642
00:39:45,417 --> 00:39:46,799
It's for a pirate--

643
00:39:46,799 --> 00:39:47,689
Perfect.

644
00:39:47,689 --> 00:39:48,969
It's all settled then.

645
00:39:48,969 --> 00:39:51,802
If you'll just excuse me a minute.

646
00:39:53,533 --> 00:39:54,366
Oooh.

647
00:39:58,540 --> 00:40:02,020
(Kate vomiting)

648
00:40:02,020 --> 00:40:04,280
And I thought I talked a lot.

649
00:40:04,280 --> 00:40:05,629
Hey.

650
00:40:05,629 --> 00:40:07,379
No, she's adorable.

651
00:40:08,900 --> 00:40:11,681
I can see what you see in her.

652
00:40:11,681 --> 00:40:13,991
What I can't see is what you see in her,

653
00:40:13,991 --> 00:40:17,351
and by that I mean your penis in her vagina.

654
00:40:17,351 --> 00:40:20,431
Everything isn't so black and white.

655
00:40:20,431 --> 00:40:24,090
No, it's fifty shades of you're gay.

656
00:40:24,090 --> 00:40:25,257
I'm not gay.

657
00:40:28,901 --> 00:40:30,984
I'm serious, I'm not gay.

658
00:40:31,911 --> 00:40:34,744
Your ass respectfully disagrees.

659
00:40:37,157 --> 00:40:38,574
Shut up.

660
00:40:40,507 --> 00:40:42,621
So what are you?

661
00:40:42,621 --> 00:40:43,454
Bi

662
00:40:45,016 --> 00:40:48,675
or sexually fluid, as they call it now?

663
00:40:48,675 --> 00:40:50,517
(laughing)

664
00:40:50,517 --> 00:40:52,897
If I had to put a label on it,

665
00:40:52,897 --> 00:40:54,297
then yes.

666
00:40:54,297 --> 00:40:57,464
This is just something I do sometimes.

667
00:41:00,597 --> 00:41:03,150
Often enough to be good at it.

668
00:41:03,150 --> 00:41:05,567
Just when we're on vacation.

669
00:41:05,567 --> 00:41:09,317
No strings, no attachments, no one I'll ev...

670
00:41:13,230 --> 00:41:14,480
Ever see again.

671
00:41:18,760 --> 00:41:21,010
And the rest of the time?

672
00:41:26,427 --> 00:41:31,148
I don't wanna talk about the rest of the time.

673
00:41:31,148 --> 00:41:34,815
I don't wanna talk about anything right now.

674
00:41:37,221 --> 00:41:40,054
(heavy breathing)

675
00:41:47,773 --> 00:41:49,645
(yawning)

676
00:41:49,645 --> 00:41:50,979
How was your run?

677
00:41:50,979 --> 00:41:52,155
It was great.

678
00:41:52,155 --> 00:41:54,129
Gym's empty this time of night.

679
00:41:54,129 --> 00:41:55,197
That's good.

680
00:41:55,197 --> 00:41:57,699
Clean up and come to bed.

681
00:41:57,699 --> 00:41:59,357
Hey, hey, Kate.

682
00:41:59,357 --> 00:42:00,190
Yeah.

683
00:42:01,129 --> 00:42:04,330
You sure you don't wanna go into town tomorrow?

684
00:42:04,330 --> 00:42:06,029
Yeah, Kurt, I'm sure.

685
00:42:06,029 --> 00:42:07,741
You go have fun with Frank.

686
00:42:07,741 --> 00:42:09,456
It's Hank.

687
00:42:09,456 --> 00:42:10,373
Whatever.

688
00:42:20,346 --> 00:42:23,429
(upbeat latin music)

689
00:42:28,779 --> 00:42:32,362
(singing foreign language)

690
00:42:39,005 --> 00:42:40,227
Man: Ahoy.

691
00:42:40,227 --> 00:42:42,144
Hank And Ahoy.

692
00:42:43,153 --> 00:42:43,986
Ahoy.

693
00:44:13,690 --> 00:44:15,631
I shouldn't be in the sun this long.

694
00:44:15,631 --> 00:44:18,170
Dr. Stein would kill me.

695
00:44:18,170 --> 00:44:20,912
He's convinced I'm gonna get skin cancer.

696
00:44:20,912 --> 00:44:23,079
SPF3000, that's my secret.

697
00:44:24,044 --> 00:44:27,211
Which reminds me, can you get my back?

698
00:44:28,440 --> 00:44:30,651
I thought your doctor was named Mandelbaum.

699
00:44:30,651 --> 00:44:32,350
When did I tell you that?

700
00:44:32,350 --> 00:44:33,227
Who knows?

701
00:44:33,227 --> 00:44:36,569
You just talk and talk and talk.

702
00:44:36,569 --> 00:44:39,121
Anyways, back to Dr. Mandelbaum.

703
00:44:39,121 --> 00:44:42,454
Right, Dr. Mandelbaum is my therapist.

704
00:44:44,040 --> 00:44:45,701
You're in therapy?

705
00:44:45,701 --> 00:44:47,227
Aren't you?

706
00:44:47,227 --> 00:44:48,060
No.

707
00:44:48,917 --> 00:44:50,461
Huh.

708
00:44:50,461 --> 00:44:52,404
10 years now for me.

709
00:44:52,404 --> 00:44:57,387
Dr. Mandelbaum is my longest adult relationship of my life.

710
00:44:57,387 --> 00:44:59,631
God, how sad is that?

711
00:44:59,631 --> 00:45:01,505
It's not sad if you need it.

712
00:45:01,505 --> 00:45:02,837
Do you?

713
00:45:02,837 --> 00:45:05,147
Obviously, I do.

714
00:45:05,147 --> 00:45:07,999
For what it's worth, I don't see anything wrong with you.

715
00:45:07,999 --> 00:45:09,609
Not from where I'm standing.

716
00:45:09,609 --> 00:45:12,567
Then it's a good thing you're sitting.

717
00:45:12,567 --> 00:45:14,261
Anyway, Dr. Mandelbaum is my therapist.

718
00:45:14,261 --> 00:45:17,603
Dr. Stein is my primary care physician,

719
00:45:17,603 --> 00:45:19,301
Beverly Hills, very respected.

720
00:45:19,301 --> 00:45:21,719
He doesn't even take new patients anymore,

721
00:45:21,719 --> 00:45:23,259
so I was lucky to get in with him

722
00:45:23,259 --> 00:45:25,690
before the whole health care crisis.

723
00:45:25,690 --> 00:45:27,717
He basically waits for his patients to die,

724
00:45:27,717 --> 00:45:30,030
which, by the looks of the waiting room,

725
00:45:30,030 --> 00:45:32,899
happens pretty frequently.

726
00:45:32,899 --> 00:45:34,066
Lower, please.

727
00:45:35,051 --> 00:45:36,995
Brian thinks I'm a hypochondriac,

728
00:45:36,995 --> 00:45:39,760
but I tell him I refuse to become a Woody Allen character

729
00:45:39,760 --> 00:45:41,897
for at least another decade.

730
00:45:41,897 --> 00:45:44,151
Didn't I see like 10 bottles of pills in your bathroom?

731
00:45:44,151 --> 00:45:47,301
Vitamins, supplements, antacids.

732
00:45:47,301 --> 00:45:50,577
God forbid I get sick while on vacation.

733
00:45:50,577 --> 00:45:52,077
Anyway, your turn.

734
00:45:52,939 --> 00:45:54,880
You know how you gingers burn.

735
00:45:54,880 --> 00:45:57,017
Yeah, I do know that actually.

736
00:45:57,017 --> 00:45:58,067
Shut up,

737
00:45:58,067 --> 00:45:58,900
face down.

738
00:45:59,901 --> 00:46:02,318
God, I say that to you a lot.

739
00:46:06,449 --> 00:46:09,366
(light rock music)

740
00:46:23,109 --> 00:46:25,776
Hey, you want a shrimp?

741
00:46:29,810 --> 00:46:31,393
Like half a shrimp?

742
00:47:01,430 --> 00:47:03,060
So.

743
00:47:03,060 --> 00:47:03,893
So.

744
00:47:07,489 --> 00:47:09,850
See you later, Eisenberg.

745
00:47:09,850 --> 00:47:11,767
Any time, Dimmeldorf.

746
00:47:17,727 --> 00:47:19,341
Ah, hey you.

747
00:47:19,341 --> 00:47:20,270
Hey.

748
00:47:20,270 --> 00:47:21,180
How was your trip?

749
00:47:21,180 --> 00:47:22,430
Super.

750
00:47:23,471 --> 00:47:25,114
You got some sun.

751
00:47:25,114 --> 00:47:26,444
Yeah, a little bit.

752
00:47:26,444 --> 00:47:29,111
Looks like more than a little.

753
00:47:30,067 --> 00:47:31,190
How you feeling?

754
00:47:31,190 --> 00:47:32,674
So much better.

755
00:47:32,674 --> 00:47:34,774
In fact, I felt so good, I went to the spa.

756
00:47:34,774 --> 00:47:37,014
Oh my god, it was fantastic.

757
00:47:37,014 --> 00:47:39,063
I got a massage from this Croatian woman,

758
00:47:39,063 --> 00:47:41,550
her name was like Svetlana, Svetsuka,

759
00:47:41,550 --> 00:47:42,721
or something like that.

760
00:47:42,721 --> 00:47:44,070
It felt so good.

761
00:47:44,070 --> 00:47:45,118
You should try it.

762
00:47:45,118 --> 00:47:47,444
Then I went to the steam room, so relaxing.

763
00:47:47,444 --> 00:47:48,368
You should check it out.

764
00:47:48,368 --> 00:47:50,279
It's like one of those things you go to back home,

765
00:47:50,279 --> 00:47:53,218
what's it called, a shvitz?

766
00:47:53,218 --> 00:47:55,468
Oh, wait, you already went.

767
00:47:59,051 --> 00:48:00,884
Kurt, honey, you okay?

768
00:48:02,601 --> 00:48:03,768
Yeah, sorry.

769
00:48:04,860 --> 00:48:05,784
Maybe you're right.

770
00:48:05,784 --> 00:48:07,973
Too much sun, I guess.

771
00:48:07,973 --> 00:48:09,774
Okay, I'll be quiet as a mouse

772
00:48:09,774 --> 00:48:12,191
while I finish getting ready.

773
00:48:14,501 --> 00:48:15,584
How was Hank?

774
00:48:17,320 --> 00:48:18,653
Hank was fine.

775
00:48:21,361 --> 00:48:23,528
He's fine, very talkative.

776
00:48:25,734 --> 00:48:27,330
Well, you should be used to that,

777
00:48:27,330 --> 00:48:29,663
being married to me and all.

778
00:48:31,334 --> 00:48:32,167
Right.

779
00:48:35,938 --> 00:48:37,340
Okay.

780
00:48:37,340 --> 00:48:38,840
You get some rest.

781
00:48:41,974 --> 00:48:44,557
(door closing)

782
00:48:51,060 --> 00:48:53,727
This is all your fault, Brian.

783
00:48:57,864 --> 00:49:00,032
You know that, right?

784
00:49:00,032 --> 00:49:01,051
I mean, if you were here,

785
00:49:01,051 --> 00:49:03,343
we'd be hanging by the pool, drinking a few drinks,

786
00:49:03,343 --> 00:49:07,510
ogling all the straight guys, the real straight guys,

787
00:49:08,449 --> 00:49:09,433
gossiping about our friends,

788
00:49:09,433 --> 00:49:13,433
and having a vacation that we've always planned,

789
00:49:14,281 --> 00:49:16,889
but no, now I'm here alone,

790
00:49:16,889 --> 00:49:19,472
having the best sex of my life.

791
00:49:24,310 --> 00:49:26,810
Yes, I know that he's married.

792
00:49:28,561 --> 00:49:32,079
Yes, I know that hasn't stopped me before.

793
00:49:32,079 --> 00:49:35,244
Seriously, I can't believe you're bringing that up.

794
00:49:35,244 --> 00:49:37,187
I didn't know that he was married.

795
00:49:37,187 --> 00:49:40,741
This one, well, yes, this one I did know was married,

796
00:49:40,741 --> 00:49:43,207
but still, he asked me to come in here

797
00:49:43,207 --> 00:49:45,290
and asked me to you know.

798
00:49:47,041 --> 00:49:49,225
And then he's all like, "No, I'm not really gay,"

799
00:49:49,225 --> 00:49:52,058
while my dick is still in his ass.

800
00:49:53,078 --> 00:49:55,180
His wife has to know, right?

801
00:49:55,180 --> 00:49:56,226
She has to know.

802
00:49:56,226 --> 00:49:57,854
I mean, seven years of marriage,

803
00:49:57,854 --> 00:49:59,590
and if he's doing this every vacation,

804
00:49:59,590 --> 00:50:01,690
then, if he's doing this every vacation,

805
00:50:01,690 --> 00:50:02,931
then when else is he doing it,

806
00:50:02,931 --> 00:50:04,470
because you don't learn that,

807
00:50:04,470 --> 00:50:08,631
oy vey, you don't learn that from only bottoming

808
00:50:08,631 --> 00:50:09,631
once a year.

809
00:50:11,191 --> 00:50:15,582
Oh, I finally find a nice pseudo-Jewish boy

810
00:50:15,582 --> 00:50:18,378
with a great tuchus and an amazing personality

811
00:50:18,378 --> 00:50:21,370
and, of course, he's married,

812
00:50:21,370 --> 00:50:23,037
to a shiksa no less.

813
00:50:25,994 --> 00:50:27,327
I need a shower.

814
00:50:30,791 --> 00:50:34,903
And don't you dare tell my mother about this.

815
00:50:34,903 --> 00:50:37,486
(door closing)

816
00:50:38,561 --> 00:50:41,644
(upbeat dance music)

817
00:51:16,517 --> 00:51:18,267
It's gotta be here.

818
00:51:20,020 --> 00:51:20,853
Hey.

819
00:51:23,170 --> 00:51:25,003
Uh, don't tell Kurt.

820
00:51:25,844 --> 00:51:27,490
I told him I stopped.

821
00:51:27,490 --> 00:51:30,133
He'd kill me for lying.

822
00:51:30,133 --> 00:51:32,149
Hey, it's a vacation.

823
00:51:32,149 --> 00:51:33,962
You're entitled to indulge in a little sin

824
00:51:33,962 --> 00:51:36,274
every now and then, right?

825
00:51:36,274 --> 00:51:38,290
Yeah, I guess you're right.

826
00:51:38,290 --> 00:51:40,577
I should do whatever I want, ha.

827
00:51:40,577 --> 00:51:41,744
That a girl.

828
00:51:42,821 --> 00:51:45,201
But seriously, don't tell him.

829
00:51:45,201 --> 00:51:46,201
I'm serious.

830
00:51:49,873 --> 00:51:53,040
Kurt went to bed early if you were looking for him.

831
00:51:53,040 --> 00:51:54,290
Oh, I wasn't.

832
00:51:57,031 --> 00:51:59,850
You really wore him out today, ha.

833
00:51:59,850 --> 00:52:03,029
Too much sun, too many pirates.

834
00:52:03,029 --> 00:52:06,672
Oh, I wanna see pictures of the pirates.

835
00:52:06,672 --> 00:52:07,984
Oh, um.

836
00:52:07,984 --> 00:52:08,861
Yeah?

837
00:52:08,861 --> 00:52:10,444
Yeah, let me see.

838
00:52:13,864 --> 00:52:15,403
(laughing)

839
00:52:15,403 --> 00:52:17,320
That is too much fun.

840
00:52:19,851 --> 00:52:21,101
Yeah, it was.

841
00:52:24,118 --> 00:52:25,285
That's nice.

842
00:52:27,654 --> 00:52:28,904
Oh, yeah, um.

843
00:52:29,950 --> 00:52:31,280
Well, it's amazing how well the pirate

844
00:52:31,280 --> 00:52:35,447
was able to take the photo with only a hook for a hand.

845
00:52:38,609 --> 00:52:40,730
Did he have a good time?

846
00:52:40,730 --> 00:52:42,321
Kurt, I mean.

847
00:52:42,321 --> 00:52:44,071
Yeah, he seemed to.

848
00:52:46,638 --> 00:52:49,305
He's just been so down lately.

849
00:52:50,633 --> 00:52:51,466
Why?

850
00:52:53,101 --> 00:52:54,969
I don't know.

851
00:52:54,969 --> 00:52:57,614
I thought it might be me.

852
00:52:57,614 --> 00:53:00,942
No, he talks about you all the time.

853
00:53:00,942 --> 00:53:01,775
Really?

854
00:53:02,626 --> 00:53:03,459
Yeah.

855
00:53:04,378 --> 00:53:06,778
I mean, whenever I stop talking.

856
00:53:06,778 --> 00:53:09,369
I swear, I talked his ear off today.

857
00:53:09,369 --> 00:53:11,011
He doesn't mind.

858
00:53:11,011 --> 00:53:13,928
He needs more friends he can talk to.

859
00:53:13,928 --> 00:53:14,761
Yeah,

860
00:53:16,383 --> 00:53:19,533
but sometimes I feel kinda weird talking about my life

861
00:53:19,533 --> 00:53:20,547
with him.

862
00:53:20,547 --> 00:53:21,492
Why?

863
00:53:21,492 --> 00:53:23,825
It's just that sometimes--

864
00:53:26,589 --> 00:53:28,017
What?

865
00:53:28,017 --> 00:53:31,220
Sometimes I worry that Kurt has a problem

866
00:53:31,220 --> 00:53:32,887
with people like me.

867
00:53:34,251 --> 00:53:36,001
You know, gay people.

868
00:53:38,139 --> 00:53:39,151
Oh, Hank.

869
00:53:39,151 --> 00:53:42,151
You do not need to worry about that.

870
00:53:43,189 --> 00:53:44,069
No?

871
00:53:44,069 --> 00:53:47,519
No, we have so many friends who are gay.

872
00:53:47,519 --> 00:53:48,391
Oh, gosh.

873
00:53:48,391 --> 00:53:49,598
That's a cliche, isn't it?

874
00:53:49,598 --> 00:53:50,580
But it's true.

875
00:53:50,580 --> 00:53:52,101
Kurt's roommate in college was gay

876
00:53:52,101 --> 00:53:53,851
and they are still friends to this day,

877
00:53:53,851 --> 00:53:55,268
to this very day.

878
00:53:56,791 --> 00:53:57,739
Really?

879
00:53:57,739 --> 00:54:00,029
Yeah, Kurt doesn't care about that.

880
00:54:00,029 --> 00:54:01,235
(laughing)

881
00:54:01,235 --> 00:54:03,969
I thought you were gonna say it's cause you're Jewish.

882
00:54:03,969 --> 00:54:05,313
(coughing)

883
00:54:05,313 --> 00:54:06,310
Oh, dear.

884
00:54:06,310 --> 00:54:08,430
I mean, Kurt doesn't care about that either.

885
00:54:08,430 --> 00:54:09,671
Neither do I.

886
00:54:09,671 --> 00:54:13,326
I think you Jews are wonderful people.

887
00:54:13,326 --> 00:54:16,219
Well, mazel tov and bless your heart.

888
00:54:16,219 --> 00:54:17,219
Thank you.

889
00:54:21,240 --> 00:54:24,549
Well, since you're not gonna tell my husband,

890
00:54:24,549 --> 00:54:27,540
I'm gonna have another cigarette.

891
00:54:27,540 --> 00:54:28,623
Our secret.

892
00:54:32,680 --> 00:54:33,513
Goodnight.

893
00:54:36,493 --> 00:54:37,493
Goodnight.

894
00:54:45,331 --> 00:54:48,081
(waves crashing)

895
00:54:49,899 --> 00:54:52,899
(boat horn blowing)

896
00:55:00,171 --> 00:55:03,671
(text messaging alerting)

897
00:55:04,983 --> 00:55:08,566
(text messaging receiving)

898
00:55:15,375 --> 00:55:18,880
(text message sending)

899
00:55:18,880 --> 00:55:22,954
(text message receiving)

900
00:55:22,954 --> 00:55:26,384
(text message sending)

901
00:55:26,384 --> 00:55:29,801
(text message receiving)

902
00:55:40,930 --> 00:55:44,430
(dramatic acoustic music)

903
00:56:48,010 --> 00:56:49,530
Kate didn't wanna come to town?

904
00:56:49,530 --> 00:56:51,384
No, she wanted to enjoy the ship

905
00:56:51,384 --> 00:56:54,134
while she's still feeling better.

906
00:57:10,373 --> 00:57:14,040
So, you haven't really talked about your ex.

907
00:57:17,424 --> 00:57:19,007
No, no I haven't.

908
00:57:20,943 --> 00:57:22,943
Did he make you happy?

909
00:57:25,912 --> 00:57:27,995
What made you say that?

910
00:57:30,920 --> 00:57:34,364
'Cause you deserve to be happy.

911
00:57:34,364 --> 00:57:35,781
From your lips.

912
00:57:40,229 --> 00:57:44,080
I thought we were living in happiness,

913
00:57:44,080 --> 00:57:46,330
but turns out, not so much.

914
00:57:49,923 --> 00:57:50,923
For a while,

915
00:57:52,023 --> 00:57:55,023
at least we were happiness adjacent.

916
00:57:57,063 --> 00:58:00,563
(dramatic acoustic music)

917
00:58:14,110 --> 00:58:15,422
So, in Judaism,

918
00:58:15,422 --> 00:58:17,680
the heritage descends from the mother's bloodline.

919
00:58:17,680 --> 00:58:20,372
If it's not from your mother, you're not really Jewish.

920
00:58:20,372 --> 00:58:23,490
So, I'm not actually Jewish?

921
00:58:23,490 --> 00:58:26,740
Sorry, we can't all be chosen.

922
00:58:28,652 --> 00:58:30,994
You should've come into Mazatlan today.

923
00:58:30,994 --> 00:58:33,132
Why would you ever leave the ship?

924
00:58:33,132 --> 00:58:36,683
They have everything you need on board.

925
00:58:36,683 --> 00:58:39,170
Well, sometimes a change of scenery's nice.

926
00:58:39,170 --> 00:58:42,824
For us, this ship is a change of scenery.

927
00:58:42,824 --> 00:58:44,910
Besides, they had these wonderful seminars.

928
00:58:44,910 --> 00:58:47,794
Ah, I learned how to make a journal.

929
00:58:47,794 --> 00:58:48,794
So much fun.

930
00:58:51,420 --> 00:58:53,044
What's wrong, sweetie?

931
00:58:53,044 --> 00:58:54,377
You're so quiet.

932
00:58:56,493 --> 00:58:57,769
Yeah, I'm sorry.

933
00:58:57,769 --> 00:59:00,954
Just a lot of things on my mind.

934
00:59:00,954 --> 00:59:04,871
You didn't check in with work today, did you?

935
00:59:07,870 --> 00:59:09,953
Yeah, I did, I'm sorry.

936
00:59:10,824 --> 00:59:11,702
You promised.

937
00:59:11,702 --> 00:59:12,574
Damn it, Kate.

938
00:59:12,574 --> 00:59:16,741
The world doesn't stop just because we're on vacation.

939
00:59:21,988 --> 00:59:24,321
I know what you guys need.

940
00:59:25,822 --> 00:59:28,222
See, I told you you'd feel better.

941
00:59:28,222 --> 00:59:29,094
Feel better?

942
00:59:29,094 --> 00:59:31,162
So much better.

943
00:59:31,162 --> 00:59:32,473
Join us.

944
00:59:32,473 --> 00:59:35,782
No, I should leave you two to have some alone time.

945
00:59:35,782 --> 00:59:38,782
Enjoy the rest of your day together.

946
00:59:40,014 --> 00:59:41,713
(laughing)

947
00:59:41,713 --> 00:59:42,963
There you go.

948
00:59:54,472 --> 00:59:57,055
(kids yelling)

949
01:00:23,032 --> 01:00:25,981
Where exactly does Kate think you are right now?

950
01:00:25,981 --> 01:00:27,703
Right here.

951
01:00:27,703 --> 01:00:30,731
She started feeling seasick again,

952
01:00:30,731 --> 01:00:33,723
so I told her I was gonna have drinks with you.

953
01:00:33,723 --> 01:00:37,890
I brought you one, but I kinda drank it on the way over.

954
01:00:39,599 --> 01:00:40,436
You don't have to pretend

955
01:00:40,436 --> 01:00:43,604
to be drunk to see me, Dimmeldorf.

956
01:00:43,604 --> 01:00:45,187
Who's pretending?

957
01:00:50,623 --> 01:00:53,313
I don't know why we're doing this.

958
01:00:53,313 --> 01:00:54,146
I do.

959
01:00:59,723 --> 01:01:01,912
I'm serious.

960
01:01:01,912 --> 01:01:02,745
So am I.

961
01:01:03,886 --> 01:01:05,302
You're married.

962
01:01:05,302 --> 01:01:07,401
Don't remind me.

963
01:01:07,401 --> 01:01:10,080
And I've been there before.

964
01:01:10,080 --> 01:01:14,372
It never turns out well for someone like me.

965
01:01:14,372 --> 01:01:15,205
Kate

966
01:01:16,523 --> 01:01:18,023
is a lovely person

967
01:01:18,992 --> 01:01:21,075
and she is here with you.

968
01:01:24,013 --> 01:01:24,846
Yeah,

969
01:01:25,832 --> 01:01:29,415
'cause I planned this whole trip by myself.

970
01:01:32,534 --> 01:01:35,577
I made every single fucking decision

971
01:01:35,577 --> 01:01:36,910
about this trip.

972
01:01:38,816 --> 01:01:40,230
I mean she wanted to go,

973
01:01:40,230 --> 01:01:44,397
but surprise surprise, I got stuck making all the plans.

974
01:01:47,724 --> 01:01:48,557
So?

975
01:01:49,592 --> 01:01:53,183
I'm tired of being the husband every fucking day.

976
01:01:53,183 --> 01:01:54,683
Sometimes, I just,

977
01:01:55,811 --> 01:01:57,228
I just want this,

978
01:01:58,696 --> 01:02:00,279
no questions asked.

979
01:02:02,180 --> 01:02:03,430
Men like you...

980
01:02:05,591 --> 01:02:07,924
Fine fine fine, men like us,

981
01:02:10,353 --> 01:02:13,746
we know what it's like to find comfort and equality

982
01:02:13,746 --> 01:02:15,776
in each other's arms.

983
01:02:15,776 --> 01:02:17,026
We're the same.

984
01:02:17,862 --> 01:02:20,102
We want the same things.

985
01:02:20,102 --> 01:02:22,102
We need the same things.

986
01:02:26,224 --> 01:02:27,641
God, I, you know,

987
01:02:30,813 --> 01:02:32,563
Kate doesn't need me,

988
01:02:35,279 --> 01:02:36,196
not really,

989
01:02:37,133 --> 01:02:39,133
not any way that counts.

990
01:02:45,186 --> 01:02:48,853
Are you here because you think I need you?

991
01:02:50,487 --> 01:02:52,606
I know you need someone.

992
01:02:52,606 --> 01:02:55,475
You need someone who appreciates how wonderful

993
01:02:55,475 --> 01:02:58,725
and smart and funny and loving you are.

994
01:03:00,740 --> 01:03:02,490
Thank you for that.

995
01:03:04,609 --> 01:03:06,942
I think I needed to hear it,

996
01:03:09,126 --> 01:03:12,293
but that doesn't change our situation.

997
01:03:13,219 --> 01:03:14,636
What do you need?

998
01:03:19,257 --> 01:03:21,257
Right now, I need you.

999
01:03:25,240 --> 01:03:26,990
So, you need to be fucked, is that it?

1000
01:03:26,990 --> 01:03:27,867
No.

1001
01:03:27,867 --> 01:03:28,700
No, I...

1002
01:03:32,977 --> 01:03:34,810
Right now, I need you.

1003
01:03:52,246 --> 01:03:53,913
We have no future.

1004
01:03:56,059 --> 01:03:57,809
You know that, right?

1005
01:04:02,919 --> 01:04:04,419
We have no past.

1006
01:04:06,316 --> 01:04:08,316
That's the beauty of it.

1007
01:04:11,179 --> 01:04:14,096
(light rock music)

1008
01:05:04,957 --> 01:05:08,790
(moaning and heavy breathing)

1009
01:05:28,901 --> 01:05:31,651
(waves crashing)

1010
01:05:41,272 --> 01:05:42,105
Oh, shit.

1011
01:05:45,122 --> 01:05:45,955
Oh, shit.

1012
01:05:47,814 --> 01:05:49,647
What's wrong?

1013
01:05:50,652 --> 01:05:51,931
It's eight o'clock in the morning.

1014
01:05:51,931 --> 01:05:52,848
Oh, shit.

1015
01:05:55,655 --> 01:05:56,621
It'll be all right.

1016
01:05:56,621 --> 01:05:57,871
No, it won't.

1017
01:05:59,664 --> 01:06:02,021
Where are my shoes.

1018
01:06:02,021 --> 01:06:02,854
Fuck.

1019
01:06:04,391 --> 01:06:05,224
Fuck.

1020
01:06:26,818 --> 01:06:28,735
I am so so sorry, baby.

1021
01:06:32,101 --> 01:06:33,207
Where have you been?

1022
01:06:33,207 --> 01:06:35,550
Hank and I were drinking and he had a bottle of tequila

1023
01:06:35,550 --> 01:06:37,738
back in his room and I just,

1024
01:06:37,738 --> 01:06:38,887
I had too much to drink,

1025
01:06:38,887 --> 01:06:41,637
so I passed out in his spare bed.

1026
01:06:43,058 --> 01:06:43,891
I'm

1027
01:06:44,860 --> 01:06:47,527
so so sorry if you were worried.

1028
01:06:51,561 --> 01:06:53,381
Of course I was worried.

1029
01:06:53,381 --> 01:06:54,697
My husband disappears all night

1030
01:06:54,697 --> 01:06:56,270
and I'm not supposed to be worried.

1031
01:06:56,270 --> 01:06:57,511
And don't think I haven't noticed

1032
01:06:57,511 --> 01:06:58,996
how much you've been drinking lately.

1033
01:06:58,996 --> 01:06:59,876
It's a cruise.

1034
01:06:59,876 --> 01:07:00,941
No, no, do not do that.

1035
01:07:00,941 --> 01:07:02,047
Not just the cruise, for months.

1036
01:07:02,047 --> 01:07:04,320
How for two years I've been watching you drink

1037
01:07:04,320 --> 01:07:05,455
more and more.

1038
01:07:05,455 --> 01:07:07,117
Is your life so bad that you have to be drunk

1039
01:07:07,117 --> 01:07:08,798
to get through it?

1040
01:07:08,798 --> 01:07:10,965
No, babe, of course not.

1041
01:07:20,070 --> 01:07:20,903
Is it,

1042
01:07:29,165 --> 01:07:30,915
is it more this time?

1043
01:07:36,324 --> 01:07:37,157
No.

1044
01:07:39,436 --> 01:07:40,269
No.

1045
01:07:42,255 --> 01:07:44,406
I love you, Kate.

1046
01:07:44,406 --> 01:07:45,656
Are you safe?

1047
01:07:48,522 --> 01:07:49,855
You know I am.

1048
01:07:51,196 --> 01:07:52,456
Always?

1049
01:07:52,456 --> 01:07:53,289
Yes.

1050
01:07:55,415 --> 01:07:57,498
Well, that's something.

1051
01:08:00,086 --> 01:08:01,919
Where are you going?

1052
01:08:03,793 --> 01:08:05,741
I need to get off the ship.

1053
01:08:05,741 --> 01:08:07,991
You want your cigarettes?

1054
01:08:10,709 --> 01:08:12,792
We both have our secrets.

1055
01:08:15,136 --> 01:08:17,969
Well, I think it's time to stop.

1056
01:08:24,955 --> 01:08:28,372
I left something for you in the bathroom.

1057
01:08:57,523 --> 01:09:01,023
(dramatic acoustic music)

1058
01:09:34,583 --> 01:09:35,833
Morning Kate.

1059
01:09:37,665 --> 01:09:38,498
Morning.

1060
01:09:41,586 --> 01:09:43,126
Thought I'd check out Cabo.

1061
01:09:43,126 --> 01:09:43,959
Me too.

1062
01:09:45,754 --> 01:09:48,395
_ thanks for taking care of Kurt last night.

1063
01:09:48,395 --> 01:09:50,894
He can be quite a drinker, I tell ya.

1064
01:09:50,894 --> 01:09:51,727
It's,

1065
01:09:53,119 --> 01:09:54,603
it's no trouble.

1066
01:09:54,603 --> 01:09:56,006
Of course not.

1067
01:09:56,006 --> 01:09:58,339
What are friends for, right?

1068
01:10:00,505 --> 01:10:02,764
I guess I shouldn't be telling you this,

1069
01:10:02,764 --> 01:10:05,722
but since we'll never see you again,

1070
01:10:05,722 --> 01:10:06,805
I'm pregnant.

1071
01:10:08,172 --> 01:10:09,045
You're--

1072
01:10:09,045 --> 01:10:10,324
Pregnant.

1073
01:10:10,324 --> 01:10:13,385
Yeah, I took the test this morning.

1074
01:10:13,385 --> 01:10:16,866
Guess I wasn't seasick after all.

1075
01:10:16,866 --> 01:10:19,092
Congratulations.

1076
01:10:19,092 --> 01:10:22,695
Kurt was so excited when I told him this morning.

1077
01:10:22,695 --> 01:10:26,228
Well, I mean, he was still a teensy hungover,

1078
01:10:26,228 --> 01:10:28,206
no thanks to you,

1079
01:10:28,206 --> 01:10:29,746
but this is something he's always wanted

1080
01:10:29,746 --> 01:10:30,913
and so have I.

1081
01:10:31,884 --> 01:10:32,826
Ahhh.

1082
01:10:32,826 --> 01:10:34,735
I'm gonna be a mom.

1083
01:10:34,735 --> 01:10:37,411
That is so great, Kate.

1084
01:10:37,411 --> 01:10:39,882
I'm so happy for you,

1085
01:10:39,882 --> 01:10:41,215
for both of you.

1086
01:10:42,189 --> 01:10:46,145
I'd give you a hug, but I'm a little shvitzy.

1087
01:10:46,145 --> 01:10:49,228
Yeah, that's probably for the best.

1088
01:10:50,203 --> 01:10:52,305
I hope you don't care if we cancel dinner plans,

1089
01:10:52,305 --> 01:10:54,158
but Kurt wants to have a special night

1090
01:10:54,158 --> 01:10:56,346
for just the two of us.

1091
01:10:56,346 --> 01:10:57,872
Of course.

1092
01:10:57,872 --> 01:11:00,126
I mean, of course not.

1093
01:11:00,126 --> 01:11:03,126
You two should go out and celebrate.

1094
01:11:05,708 --> 01:11:08,211
Yay, baby Dimmeldorf.

1095
01:11:08,211 --> 01:11:12,796
Kurt was already talking about baby names this morning.

1096
01:11:12,796 --> 01:11:14,796
He's the best, isn't he?

1097
01:11:16,603 --> 01:11:17,436
He is,

1098
01:11:19,039 --> 01:11:20,206
the very best.

1099
01:11:22,730 --> 01:11:23,563
Yeah.

1100
01:11:24,810 --> 01:11:28,477
(dramatic electronic music)

1101
01:11:33,823 --> 01:11:37,156
(text message alerting)

1102
01:11:38,359 --> 01:11:41,776
(text message receiving)

1103
01:12:30,070 --> 01:12:31,242
Brian?

1104
01:12:31,242 --> 01:12:33,742
Hey, sorry I missed your call.

1105
01:12:34,848 --> 01:12:36,598
I just wanted to say,

1106
01:12:38,658 --> 01:12:41,991
just wanted to say I wish you were here.

1107
01:12:42,895 --> 01:12:46,133
I could really use someone to talk to.

1108
01:12:46,133 --> 01:12:50,178
I didn't mean for that to sound as ominous as it did.

1109
01:12:50,178 --> 01:12:51,716
I

1110
01:12:51,716 --> 01:12:52,883
just miss you.

1111
01:12:53,992 --> 01:12:56,600
I wish you were here, man.

1112
01:12:56,600 --> 01:13:00,357
But, hey, I finished our to-do list.

1113
01:13:00,357 --> 01:13:02,774
Well, at least I think I did.

1114
01:13:03,773 --> 01:13:07,168
We'll have to see about that last item.

1115
01:13:07,168 --> 01:13:08,921
But, we definitely have a lot to talk about

1116
01:13:08,921 --> 01:13:10,671
when I get back home.

1117
01:13:13,084 --> 01:13:17,251
Would you believe it that somebody called me funny and smart

1118
01:13:19,127 --> 01:13:20,294
and wonderful?

1119
01:13:22,660 --> 01:13:25,493
Yes, somebody called me wonderful.

1120
01:13:28,346 --> 01:13:29,641
Just a heck of a lot nicer

1121
01:13:29,641 --> 01:13:33,141
than that asshole I dated ever said to me.

1122
01:13:35,330 --> 01:13:36,330
It was nice.

1123
01:13:38,461 --> 01:13:40,044
It was nice to hear

1124
01:13:41,210 --> 01:13:42,043
from him.

1125
01:13:43,767 --> 01:13:45,200
(throat clearing)

1126
01:13:45,200 --> 01:13:47,367
Anyway, I miss you, buddy.

1127
01:13:48,246 --> 01:13:49,079
Two days.

1128
01:13:50,030 --> 01:13:50,863
I'll see you in two days.

1129
01:13:50,863 --> 01:13:52,385
(dramatic acoustic music)

1130
01:13:52,385 --> 01:13:53,218
Bye.

1131
01:14:06,843 --> 01:14:09,426
(kids yelling)

1132
01:14:47,335 --> 01:14:50,085
(waves crashing)

1133
01:14:57,172 --> 01:14:59,089
Last day at sea, Brian.

1134
01:15:01,564 --> 01:15:03,314
You ready to go home?

1135
01:15:05,657 --> 01:15:06,740
Yeah, me too.

1136
01:15:09,573 --> 01:15:10,656
Hey.

1137
01:15:11,887 --> 01:15:12,720
Hey.

1138
01:15:19,303 --> 01:15:22,386
I guess congratulations are in order.

1139
01:15:27,357 --> 01:15:28,940
Yeah, I guess so.

1140
01:15:34,077 --> 01:15:36,244
I really liked the book.

1141
01:15:38,941 --> 01:15:39,774
Good.

1142
01:15:41,954 --> 01:15:43,863
Talk to me.

1143
01:15:43,863 --> 01:15:47,955
Why, I'm just the vacation fling, remember?

1144
01:15:47,955 --> 01:15:50,424
Somebody you never see again.

1145
01:15:50,424 --> 01:15:52,091
Don't be that way.

1146
01:15:53,383 --> 01:15:54,300
Not here.

1147
01:16:25,424 --> 01:16:29,604
Would you believe me if I told you that this was

1148
01:16:29,604 --> 01:16:31,354
special or different?

1149
01:16:34,259 --> 01:16:35,509
Why should I?

1150
01:16:41,295 --> 01:16:43,885
You know, leave it to me to find someone like you

1151
01:16:43,885 --> 01:16:46,423
at this moment in my life,

1152
01:16:46,423 --> 01:16:48,347
someone I actually like

1153
01:16:48,347 --> 01:16:51,763
and could see spending more time with.

1154
01:16:51,763 --> 01:16:52,701
Do you even know how much

1155
01:16:52,701 --> 01:16:54,684
this has been eating me up inside?

1156
01:16:54,684 --> 01:16:56,573
Sleeping with a married man.

1157
01:16:56,573 --> 01:16:59,075
You knew from the start.

1158
01:16:59,075 --> 01:17:00,908
You're right, I did.

1159
01:17:03,994 --> 01:17:07,994
It's my fault for not trusting my own instincts.

1160
01:17:09,053 --> 01:17:11,720
It's my fault for letting you...

1161
01:17:13,472 --> 01:17:15,555
I should've known better.

1162
01:17:21,861 --> 01:17:23,111
Yeah, me too.

1163
01:17:28,265 --> 01:17:29,098
It's just,

1164
01:17:30,654 --> 01:17:32,154
it's not just you.

1165
01:17:33,822 --> 01:17:37,489
I've been thinking about leaving Kate a lot.

1166
01:17:40,435 --> 01:17:42,767
You know, not just this past week,

1167
01:17:42,767 --> 01:17:45,267
but especially this past week.

1168
01:17:48,036 --> 01:17:48,869
Before--

1169
01:17:50,715 --> 01:17:51,965
Yeah, before.

1170
01:17:58,849 --> 01:18:02,766
I'm sorry that I'm not who you want me to be.

1171
01:18:05,934 --> 01:18:09,685
I'm not gay, not in the strict definition that you use.

1172
01:18:09,685 --> 01:18:10,768
I'm just not.

1173
01:18:13,967 --> 01:18:17,103
I know a lot of guys like you, Hank,

1174
01:18:17,103 --> 01:18:20,829
guys who don't even believe in bi-sexuality

1175
01:18:20,829 --> 01:18:24,576
or whatever the hell you wanna call it.

1176
01:18:24,576 --> 01:18:26,324
God, these labels are ridiculous.

1177
01:18:26,324 --> 01:18:27,741
Yeah, they are.

1178
01:18:30,545 --> 01:18:32,713
I mean, you love who you love.

1179
01:18:32,713 --> 01:18:34,713
Isn't that what matters?

1180
01:18:39,589 --> 01:18:44,419
What matters is that you're honest with yourself

1181
01:18:44,419 --> 01:18:46,467
and the people in your life.

1182
01:18:46,467 --> 01:18:49,375
I mean, if you're lying to Kate--

1183
01:18:49,375 --> 01:18:51,458
I am not lying to Kate.

1184
01:18:52,959 --> 01:18:56,599
She accepts it because she accepts me,

1185
01:18:56,599 --> 01:18:59,735
because she loves me and I love her, I really do,

1186
01:18:59,735 --> 01:19:00,568
but--

1187
01:19:02,544 --> 01:19:03,461
But what?

1188
01:19:11,877 --> 01:19:15,377
But, yeah, I could see loving you, Hank,

1189
01:19:18,649 --> 01:19:20,732
if things were different.

1190
01:19:22,845 --> 01:19:24,345
But they're not.

1191
01:19:26,946 --> 01:19:28,946
And even if they were,

1192
01:19:32,705 --> 01:19:35,038
I'm gonna have a baby, Hank.

1193
01:19:36,429 --> 01:19:41,105
And we hadn't planned on it, but yes, I want this baby.

1194
01:19:41,105 --> 01:19:42,938
I want to be a father.

1195
01:19:46,196 --> 01:19:47,446
So what then?

1196
01:19:48,679 --> 01:19:53,285
More vacation flings while Kate watches the baby?

1197
01:19:53,285 --> 01:19:55,535
Can you be happy like that?

1198
01:19:57,394 --> 01:19:58,227
No, I,

1199
01:19:59,722 --> 01:20:00,555
I can't.

1200
01:20:03,612 --> 01:20:04,695
Just by this,

1201
01:20:06,986 --> 01:20:07,903
this is it.

1202
01:20:10,033 --> 01:20:11,452
I can't keep doing this.

1203
01:20:11,452 --> 01:20:13,146
I can't keep doing this to Kate.

1204
01:20:13,146 --> 01:20:14,602
I can't do this to myself

1205
01:20:14,602 --> 01:20:15,685
and I really,

1206
01:20:18,201 --> 01:20:20,784
I can't keep doing this to you.

1207
01:20:22,162 --> 01:20:25,662
(dramatic acoustic music)

1208
01:20:39,083 --> 01:20:40,166
I have to go.

1209
01:20:43,143 --> 01:20:43,976
Not yet.

1210
01:20:51,378 --> 01:20:52,211
Hank.

1211
01:20:57,029 --> 01:20:59,696
Just wait until I fall asleep.

1212
01:21:13,918 --> 01:21:15,458
You find out I'm pregnant

1213
01:21:15,458 --> 01:21:18,269
and you can't even wait a day to see him?

1214
01:21:18,269 --> 01:21:20,899
I saw the two of you together.

1215
01:21:20,899 --> 01:21:22,561
It looked like you were going to his cabin.

1216
01:21:22,561 --> 01:21:23,478
Am I wrong?

1217
01:21:28,651 --> 01:21:30,209
It wasn't planned.

1218
01:21:30,209 --> 01:21:31,852
We just ran into each other.

1219
01:21:31,852 --> 01:21:35,179
Yeah, well a lot of things aren't planned these days.

1220
01:21:35,179 --> 01:21:36,509
And you didn't answer my question.

1221
01:21:36,509 --> 01:21:38,933
Did you go to his cabin?

1222
01:21:38,933 --> 01:21:40,193
Yes.

1223
01:21:40,193 --> 01:21:41,026
Hmm.

1224
01:21:42,699 --> 01:21:43,941
To say goodbye.

1225
01:21:43,941 --> 01:21:45,270
You didn't just say goodbye.

1226
01:21:45,270 --> 01:21:47,103
I can smell it on you.

1227
01:21:48,873 --> 01:21:52,373
I was saying goodbye to a lot of things.

1228
01:21:58,673 --> 01:22:00,173
I'm going to stop.

1229
01:22:02,168 --> 01:22:03,001
Really?

1230
01:22:10,288 --> 01:22:11,861
Really?

1231
01:22:11,861 --> 01:22:14,031
It's not fair to you,

1232
01:22:14,031 --> 01:22:15,571
to either of us,

1233
01:22:15,571 --> 01:22:17,738
but definitely not to you.

1234
01:22:19,281 --> 01:22:21,698
I don't wanna lose you, Kate.

1235
01:22:24,321 --> 01:22:27,488
Was I close to losing you this time?

1236
01:22:29,990 --> 01:22:31,657
It doesn't matter.

1237
01:22:33,629 --> 01:22:35,129
I'm here for good.

1238
01:22:37,919 --> 01:22:40,071
Are you sure, because I can't--

1239
01:22:40,071 --> 01:22:41,571
I'm sure.

1240
01:22:51,187 --> 01:22:54,854
(dramatic electronic music)

1241
01:23:46,296 --> 01:23:47,933
Kurt And Ahoy.

1242
01:23:47,933 --> 01:23:48,766
Ahoy.

1243
01:25:17,788 --> 01:25:21,745
Brian, I still blame you for this.

1244
01:25:21,745 --> 01:25:25,015
If you were here, I wouldn't have to started to...

1245
01:25:25,015 --> 01:25:28,146
No, I blame you for this Dr. Mandelbaum.

1246
01:25:28,146 --> 01:25:30,458
"Make friends with more straight men," he says.

1247
01:25:30,458 --> 01:25:33,188
"It'll help your self esteem," he says.

1248
01:25:33,188 --> 01:25:34,938
No, I blame you, mom.

1249
01:25:36,515 --> 01:25:38,033
Yeah, that's right.

1250
01:25:38,033 --> 01:25:40,785
As you've always said, "It always comes down

1251
01:25:40,785 --> 01:25:43,302
to blaming your mother."

1252
01:25:43,302 --> 01:25:46,138
It's your fault for teaching me to keep an open mind

1253
01:25:46,138 --> 01:25:49,008
about people, to not hate or judge people

1254
01:25:49,008 --> 01:25:51,528
when I know they're doing the wrong thing,

1255
01:25:51,528 --> 01:25:55,028
because right now, it would be so easy to.

1256
01:25:56,325 --> 01:25:59,158
But I don't blame you, Dimmeldorf.

1257
01:26:01,034 --> 01:26:04,044
I don't understand your situation,

1258
01:26:04,044 --> 01:26:06,368
but I'm actually happy for you,

1259
01:26:06,368 --> 01:26:09,116
that you're having child,

1260
01:26:09,116 --> 01:26:10,796
a child that you want.

1261
01:26:10,796 --> 01:26:13,436
But I don't blame you.

1262
01:26:13,436 --> 01:26:15,436
I could never blame you.

1263
01:26:16,884 --> 01:26:19,915
And I could never ever hate you.

1264
01:26:19,915 --> 01:26:23,665
In another time and place, I could've even...

1265
01:26:26,476 --> 01:26:29,258
That's what I needed more than you could imagine.

1266
01:26:29,258 --> 01:26:33,425
You taught me that it's still possible to be loved.

1267
01:26:37,223 --> 01:26:40,223
(boat horn blowing)

1268
01:27:09,055 --> 01:27:12,055
(boat horn blowing)

1269
01:27:37,055 --> 01:27:38,262
Brian?

1270
01:27:38,262 --> 01:27:39,095
Hey.

1271
01:27:40,434 --> 01:27:41,605
Yeah, I can't really hear you.

1272
01:27:41,605 --> 01:27:42,605
I'm outside.

1273
01:27:44,106 --> 01:27:46,023
I'll look for your car.

1274
01:28:16,376 --> 01:28:18,236
(text message alerting)

1275
01:28:18,236 --> 01:28:21,653
(text message receiving)

1276
01:28:37,307 --> 01:28:40,724
(text message receiving)

1277
01:28:43,010 --> 01:28:46,599
I don't know when I'll send this to you,

1278
01:28:46,599 --> 01:28:48,574
if I'll send this to you.

1279
01:28:48,574 --> 01:28:50,574
You are asleep right now

1280
01:28:51,989 --> 01:28:54,315
and I know how sound of a sleeper you are,

1281
01:28:54,315 --> 01:28:57,898
so I thought I'd take the opportunity to...

1282
01:29:01,525 --> 01:29:04,358
You're a good man, Hank Eisenberg.

1283
01:29:06,999 --> 01:29:09,379
You don't know how rare that is, but you are.

1284
01:29:09,379 --> 01:29:11,357
You're the real deal

1285
01:29:11,357 --> 01:29:14,690
and if our timing was different, well...

1286
01:29:20,439 --> 01:29:22,837
You know, I love that you're neurotic

1287
01:29:22,837 --> 01:29:27,369
and funny and sexy and you don't even know how sexy you are.

1288
01:29:27,369 --> 01:29:30,659
You don't how smart or how lovable you are.

1289
01:29:30,659 --> 01:29:32,325
You deserve love.

1290
01:29:32,325 --> 01:29:33,325
You deserve,

1291
01:29:36,296 --> 01:29:39,025
you deserve better than that jerk that cheated on you.

1292
01:29:39,025 --> 01:29:40,949
You deserve better than married men

1293
01:29:40,949 --> 01:29:42,246
who treat you like shit.

1294
01:29:42,246 --> 01:29:43,079
And you,

1295
01:29:46,129 --> 01:29:49,577
you certainly deserve better than me.

1296
01:29:49,577 --> 01:29:52,695
You deserve someone without baggage.

1297
01:29:52,695 --> 01:29:55,495
Well, I mean, we all have baggage,

1298
01:29:55,495 --> 01:29:57,646
some of us more than others,

1299
01:29:57,646 --> 01:29:58,813
some way more.

1300
01:30:02,159 --> 01:30:03,575
God.

1301
01:30:03,575 --> 01:30:07,242
I'm babbling and I meant to keep this short.

1302
01:30:17,087 --> 01:30:19,754
I will always remember this week

1303
01:30:20,639 --> 01:30:23,159
and I will always remember you

1304
01:30:23,159 --> 01:30:25,277
and I wanna wish you the best of everything

1305
01:30:25,277 --> 01:30:27,194
because you deserve it.

1306
01:30:28,563 --> 01:30:30,088
You don't need a therapist to tell you that,

1307
01:30:30,088 --> 01:30:32,421
you just need to believe it.

1308
01:30:34,746 --> 01:30:36,413
You deserve the best

1309
01:30:37,856 --> 01:30:39,773
and I hope you find it.

1310
01:30:41,532 --> 01:30:44,115
I hope you find true happiness.

1311
01:30:58,719 --> 01:31:01,673
Have a good life, Eisenberg,

1312
01:31:01,673 --> 01:31:02,506
and

1313
01:31:07,016 --> 01:31:07,849
goodbye.

1314
01:31:25,179 --> 01:31:26,096
Let's go.

1315
01:31:50,099 --> 01:31:51,432
Oh, I'm sorry.

1316
01:31:52,950 --> 01:31:54,283
It's my fault.

1317
01:31:55,693 --> 01:31:58,231
Hey, is this the way to board the ship?

1318
01:31:58,231 --> 01:32:02,711
Yep, straight ahead, big metal thing, can't miss it.

1319
01:32:02,711 --> 01:32:03,967
Thanks.

1320
01:32:03,967 --> 01:32:06,529
You know, you can check your bags over there.

1321
01:32:06,529 --> 01:32:10,810
I mean, it feels really good to be baggage-free.

1322
01:32:10,810 --> 01:32:12,143
Oh, I'm not...

1323
01:32:14,207 --> 01:32:15,537
Baggage-free, huh?

1324
01:32:15,537 --> 01:32:16,919
And ready to hit the first bar I see.

1325
01:32:16,919 --> 01:32:18,617
Wanna join me?

1326
01:32:18,617 --> 01:32:20,857
For one of those tropical drinks,

1327
01:32:20,857 --> 01:32:23,898
you know the ones with the little like pineapple skewers

1328
01:32:23,898 --> 01:32:24,857
in it?

1329
01:32:24,857 --> 01:32:26,719
I'm not on this cruise.

1330
01:32:26,719 --> 01:32:28,969
Just getting back actually.

1331
01:32:30,164 --> 01:32:30,997
Too bad.

1332
01:32:53,312 --> 01:32:55,117
Yeah, this is for Dr. Mandelbaum.

1333
01:32:55,117 --> 01:32:56,905
This is Hank Eisenberg.

1334
01:32:56,905 --> 01:32:58,463
Listen, I,

1335
01:32:58,463 --> 01:33:01,506
I'd like to cancel this Tuesday, next Tuesday,

1336
01:33:01,506 --> 01:33:03,587
basically all the Tuesdays,

1337
01:33:03,587 --> 01:33:07,563
because Dr. Mandelbaum, you're a putz.

1338
01:33:07,563 --> 01:33:10,813
(light acoustic music)

1339
01:33:20,843 --> 01:33:25,010
♪ Feel like I walked into worst all time ♪

1340
01:33:26,406 --> 01:33:28,703
♪ La di da, la di da, ♪

1341
01:33:28,703 --> 01:33:30,953
♪ La di da ♪

1342
01:33:31,989 --> 01:33:36,156
♪ I've canceled plans and my sights ♪

1343
01:33:37,995 --> 01:33:40,821
♪ La di da, la di da ♪

1344
01:33:40,821 --> 01:33:42,738
♪ Oooh ♪

1345
01:33:44,478 --> 01:33:48,311
♪ I just want to be free, hey ♪

1346
01:33:50,039 --> 01:33:54,206
♪ I just want you to know me, hey ♪

1347
01:33:55,781 --> 01:33:59,031
♪ Not asking for sorry ♪

1348
01:34:00,351 --> 01:34:03,768
♪ I just want you to see ♪

1349
01:34:07,981 --> 01:34:11,898
♪ There are more like me, yeah ♪

1350
01:34:23,411 --> 01:34:27,578
♪ Wonder if you sleep with the TV on ♪

1351
01:34:29,207 --> 01:34:31,763
♪ La di da, la di da, ♪

1352
01:34:31,763 --> 01:34:33,513
♪ La ♪

1353
01:34:34,894 --> 01:34:39,061
♪ Just to feel the comfort of network's angels ♪

1354
01:34:40,877 --> 01:34:43,630
♪ La di da, la di da, ♪

1355
01:34:43,630 --> 01:34:45,547
♪ Oooh ♪

1356
01:34:46,883 --> 01:34:50,550
♪ With lights in place, hey ♪

1357
01:34:52,638 --> 01:34:56,555
♪ This isn't just a phase, hey ♪

1358
01:34:59,111 --> 01:35:03,174
♪ You're not asking for sorry ♪

1359
01:35:03,174 --> 01:35:07,341
♪ Yeah, you just want them to see ♪

1360
01:35:11,280 --> 01:35:14,947
♪ This is not a disease, no ♪

1361
01:35:26,960 --> 01:35:29,267
♪ It's all we wish for ♪

1362
01:35:29,267 --> 01:35:32,277
♪ It's all that we dream for ♪

1363
01:35:32,277 --> 01:35:36,027
♪ It's so far away sometimes ♪