1
00:00:30,489 --> 00:00:31,865
- [whispering] Matthew.
- Hmm.
2
00:00:32,824 --> 00:00:34,535
- Matthew.
- [yelps]
3
00:00:34,618 --> 00:00:36,954
- What? Ugh.
- Fuck, Wood.
4
00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:39,456
[normal] I couldn't sleep,
I'm so excited about tomorrow.
5
00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:43,335
I brought you some low-glycemic,
micro-bubble champagne.
6
00:00:43,418 --> 00:00:45,629
I'm all right, man.
I really need to get my sleep.
7
00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:47,714
Dude,
it is not every day that your best friend
8
00:00:47,798 --> 00:00:51,510
announces on national television
that he is running for governor.
9
00:00:51,593 --> 00:00:53,345
And even though I do believe
10
00:00:53,428 --> 00:00:56,265
that the government should be run
by a council of women elders
11
00:00:56,348 --> 00:01:00,769
and I will not vote until every animal
has the right to vote, I am here for you.
12
00:01:00,853 --> 00:01:02,813
Whatever you need, I'm your man.
13
00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:05,649
- Yeah. Thank you, buddy.
- So fucking proud of you.
14
00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:07,818
Woody, that was incredibly sweet,
but we're exhausted.
15
00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:09,820
Oh, Val.
I'm sorry, I didn't know you were awake.
16
00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:11,280
Would you like some champers?
17
00:01:12,364 --> 00:01:13,740
- Mmm.
- [whispering] You know what?
18
00:01:13,824 --> 00:01:17,077
I'm getting the vibe that
you guys wanna go back to sleep.
19
00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:21,415
I'm gonna bid you
good night, Mr. Governor.
20
00:01:21,498 --> 00:01:23,458
Good night, Mrs. Governor.
21
00:01:24,209 --> 00:01:26,587
I could just sit here
and watch you all sleep.
22
00:01:26,670 --> 00:01:27,671
Can you not do that?
23
00:01:28,630 --> 00:01:30,048
God, look at you guys.
24
00:01:35,012 --> 00:01:36,346
[whistling]
25
00:01:44,646 --> 00:01:47,357
[groans, chuckles]
26
00:01:51,361 --> 00:01:53,363
[groans] Uh-oh.
27
00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:55,449
Okay.
28
00:02:03,207 --> 00:02:04,208
[sighs]
29
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:19,223
[liquid slushes, gurgling]
30
00:02:25,521 --> 00:02:27,523
["Give A Little Bit" playing]
31
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:17,447
[Gwen] Everything's gonna
change after today. You feeling good?
32
00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:19,908
Yeah, I'm really excited.
I've never met Brian Williams.
33
00:03:19,992 --> 00:03:22,452
- Mmm. What are you gonna wear?
- I'm gonna wear this.
34
00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:26,915
Hey. Oh, I wish I could take you away for
a weekend and change everything about you.
35
00:03:27,416 --> 00:03:29,585
Just start from scratch.
36
00:03:29,668 --> 00:03:32,796
If we didn't live in such a patriarchy,
you could be the next governor of Texas.
37
00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:34,840
- Really?
- [phone ringing]
38
00:03:34,923 --> 00:03:37,885
No. As it was halfway out of my mouth,
I kinda stopped believing it.
39
00:03:37,968 --> 00:03:40,053
Where the fuck are my
Texas Bluebonnet bouquets?
40
00:03:40,679 --> 00:03:42,681
Want me to order
from Bloom with a View? 'Cause I will.
41
00:03:42,764 --> 00:03:45,726
It's my mother. She's a florist.
She's a total fucking idiot.
42
00:03:45,809 --> 00:03:48,729
If you're not here in 20 minutes, Deborah,
I'm gonna fucking fire--
43
00:03:48,812 --> 00:03:50,606
- [both gasp]
- [flies buzzing]
44
00:03:50,689 --> 00:03:52,566
- What the fuck?
- [coughs]
45
00:03:52,649 --> 00:03:53,942
Oh, my God. It smells like death.
46
00:03:55,485 --> 00:03:56,486
What...
47
00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:00,866
- Val, get my shoe. Get my shoe!
- [screams]
48
00:04:00,949 --> 00:04:02,618
[Woody snoring]
49
00:04:10,626 --> 00:04:11,668
Woody.
50
00:04:13,337 --> 00:04:14,880
- Wood!
- Owen?
51
00:04:16,255 --> 00:04:17,507
- Do you smell that?
- Oh.
52
00:04:19,510 --> 00:04:20,677
Oh.
53
00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:23,013
Oh,
I meant to take the garbage out last n...
54
00:04:23,889 --> 00:04:26,808
Kai, can you take the garbage out, please?
55
00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:31,188
- [Kai] I'm sleeping.
- Well, can you sleepwalk the garbage out?
56
00:04:31,939 --> 00:04:33,690
Old people need our rest.
57
00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:37,402
- [Joy exhales deeply]
- [Woody sighs]
58
00:04:38,654 --> 00:04:39,988
Hey, Kai!
59
00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:45,035
- Milady.
- M'Wyatt.
60
00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:46,119
Oh, hey, let me get these.
61
00:04:46,203 --> 00:04:47,704
- No, I'm good.
- No, I insist.
62
00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:49,540
- Chivalry is not dead.
- Oh. Oh!
63
00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:51,083
Oh, shoot. Sorry. [stammers]
64
00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:55,128
{\an8}It... It's compostable bags.
They're made out of tissue paper.
65
00:04:55,212 --> 00:04:56,672
One of the joys of being a hippie.
66
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,469
My God. Can you believe this?
It's a letter for my dad.
67
00:05:02,553 --> 00:05:04,972
He's been, like, borderline
stalking the mail man for weeks.
68
00:05:05,055 --> 00:05:08,433
- Of course he accidentally throws it out.
- Um, I can deliver it to him.
69
00:05:08,517 --> 00:05:10,519
Uh, yeah. Be a hero.
70
00:05:10,602 --> 00:05:11,937
All right.
71
00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:15,274
[Gwen] Which one of you fuckers
filled the barn with shit?
72
00:05:15,357 --> 00:05:16,859
[Valentina coughs]
73
00:05:16,942 --> 00:05:21,196
I don't appreciate being blamed
and I don't like your tone, okay?
74
00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:23,615
Who's to say what happened? [stammers]
75
00:05:23,699 --> 00:05:24,867
Oh, sweet God.
76
00:05:24,950 --> 00:05:25,951
Yeah, sweet God is right.
77
00:05:26,034 --> 00:05:28,829
There is a river of shit from your bus,
down this hill,
78
00:05:28,912 --> 00:05:32,124
to the barn where Matthew is supposed
to be interviewed by Brian Williams
79
00:05:32,207 --> 00:05:33,625
in one hour.
80
00:05:33,709 --> 00:05:35,335
Why are you only wearing one shoe?
81
00:05:35,419 --> 00:05:37,462
Why are you wearing two shoes?
Why not 3 or 4 or 5?
82
00:05:37,546 --> 00:05:40,340
- See how that feels? Don't do that.
- [Little Woody barks]
83
00:05:40,424 --> 00:05:42,509
- Oh, God, no, Little Woody!
- Woody!
84
00:05:42,593 --> 00:05:45,262
Little... Off, off!
That's poo-poo, not wa-wa.
85
00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:46,638
- He really likes it.
- [gags]
86
00:05:46,722 --> 00:05:48,932
Mommy, see how much Little Woody likes it?
87
00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:50,726
- Yeah, honey, I see it.
- Off, Little Woody!
88
00:05:50,809 --> 00:05:52,936
Why don't we move this
interview into the house?
89
00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:54,605
Into your house? Wi-With it...
90
00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:57,232
how it's decorated, with
the furniture and the art that you have?
91
00:05:57,316 --> 00:06:00,027
That could work, if it was
a podcast or radio, or something.
92
00:06:00,110 --> 00:06:01,987
An interview like that,
where there's no video.
93
00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:04,531
But... I'm sorry.
94
00:06:05,490 --> 00:06:06,783
"Perfect is the enemy of good."
95
00:06:07,618 --> 00:06:08,827
"Perfect is the enemy of good."
96
00:06:09,745 --> 00:06:11,121
"Perfect is the enemy of good."
97
00:06:12,206 --> 00:06:13,207
Hey, Uncle Woody,
98
00:06:13,290 --> 00:06:15,167
- I found some of your mail.
- No, no, no, no.
99
00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:18,003
No, no. Oh, just,
uh, put it on the counter.
100
00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:19,546
I-I'll get it at brekkie.
101
00:06:19,630 --> 00:06:21,256
- No, no.
- Where's Matthew?
102
00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:24,593
Uh, I'll go grab him.
He knows what to do in every situation.
103
00:06:24,676 --> 00:06:26,637
Who's cooking barbecue?
104
00:06:28,305 --> 00:06:29,598
[flies buzzing]
105
00:06:30,641 --> 00:06:31,642
Dad?
106
00:06:33,227 --> 00:06:34,228
Dad?
107
00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:36,813
Hey, Dad?
108
00:06:39,274 --> 00:06:40,692
Goddamn it, Woody.
109
00:06:40,776 --> 00:06:43,820
This is why they invented plumbing,
like, thousands of years ago.
110
00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:46,323
- Ma Mac, it wasn't my fault.
- [Matthew] Morning, fam!
111
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:48,575
- There he is.
- Nothing like a little hill country hike
112
00:06:48,659 --> 00:06:50,786
- to start your big day!
- [Little Woody barks]
113
00:06:50,869 --> 00:06:52,829
Come here, Little Woody! Come here, doggy!
114
00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:54,706
- No! Little Woody, no!
- Come here.
115
00:06:54,790 --> 00:06:57,292
- [Valentina] Get away from the dog.
- Oh, yes, sir. Yes, sir.
116
00:06:57,376 --> 00:06:58,919
- Get away from the dog!
- Matthew, no!
117
00:06:59,002 --> 00:07:01,463
- Give me kissy. Thank you!
- That dog was slurping up shit!
118
00:07:01,547 --> 00:07:03,674
Jesus H. Christ, have mercy on us.
119
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:06,885
Can you believe there was ever a day when
I didn't love this little bugger, huh?
120
00:07:06,969 --> 00:07:08,554
- Yes.
- I-I think you should
121
00:07:08,637 --> 00:07:10,389
get your face off his tongue.
122
00:07:11,265 --> 00:07:13,267
[crew chattering]
123
00:07:18,230 --> 00:07:19,773
[Valentina] Okay, he's gonna come out.
124
00:07:19,857 --> 00:07:22,025
Just tell him that he looks great
and-and don't...
125
00:07:22,568 --> 00:07:23,902
don't look in his eye.
126
00:07:24,570 --> 00:07:25,571
Okay.
127
00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:29,783
- What do we think?
- Oh, my God.
128
00:07:29,867 --> 00:07:32,119
- Dad!
- Oh, Dad, you look incredible!
129
00:07:32,911 --> 00:07:34,329
No, you really look horrendous.
130
00:07:34,413 --> 00:07:37,791
Okay, this is gonna hurt the campaign,
but I'm shutting this whole thing down.
131
00:07:37,875 --> 00:07:39,543
I can't believe I waxed
my butthole for this.
132
00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:41,086
[Woody] I wonder where everybody...
133
00:07:41,170 --> 00:07:45,007
Holy God, tell me my vegan shit
didn't do that to your eyehole.
134
00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:47,676
[stammers] Hang on, everybody,
let's take a big breath here.
135
00:07:47,759 --> 00:07:50,596
- [both inhale deeply]
- Make sure we're not overexaggerating
136
00:07:50,679 --> 00:07:52,347
the severity of this situation.
137
00:07:52,431 --> 00:07:54,766
Who hadn't had
a little pink in their eye before?
138
00:07:54,850 --> 00:07:57,811
Right? I mean, are we sure we're not
just looking at the inflammation?
139
00:07:57,895 --> 00:08:00,105
Instead, maybe we should be seeing...
140
00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:01,982
the opportunity here.
141
00:08:02,065 --> 00:08:04,276
Gwen, what have you been talking
to me about for weeks?
142
00:08:04,359 --> 00:08:06,653
You're saying "You gotta quit relying
on that pretty face."
143
00:08:06,737 --> 00:08:09,531
Well, look at this, ta-fucking-da! Huh?
144
00:08:10,032 --> 00:08:15,579
I mean, this-this is a face of a man
who can deal with times of adversity.
145
00:08:15,662 --> 00:08:18,165
- Okay.
- Texans don't want a governor
146
00:08:18,248 --> 00:08:21,168
who's gonna run and hide every time
he comes up on a crisis.
147
00:08:21,251 --> 00:08:24,171
No, they want a governor
who will come out in hard times,
148
00:08:24,254 --> 00:08:25,756
look everyone in the eye.
149
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:26,965
- No. No.
- Yes?
150
00:08:27,049 --> 00:08:28,383
- That's actually genius!
- Yeah!
151
00:08:28,467 --> 00:08:29,885
So he has a little shit in his eye.
152
00:08:29,968 --> 00:08:31,720
- What's a little turd?
- He's not perfect.
153
00:08:31,803 --> 00:08:33,429
- He's a man of the people.
- It's endearing.
154
00:08:33,514 --> 00:08:36,099
He's folksy, he's fun, he's fresh,
he's fierce, he's fuckable, and...
155
00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:37,433
This is a gift. This is a gift.
156
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:39,019
It's a campaign coup.
157
00:08:39,102 --> 00:08:40,812
Now, who wants pancakes?
158
00:08:40,895 --> 00:08:42,940
- Me!
- [Gwen] Whoo! [chuckles]
159
00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:45,067
I really don't think
he should be handling food.
160
00:08:45,150 --> 00:08:46,735
No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
161
00:08:46,818 --> 00:08:48,695
Matthew thinks he can make anything work,
162
00:08:48,779 --> 00:08:51,156
but he cannot go
on national television looking like that.
163
00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:53,283
Val, I don't need this
attitude from you right now.
164
00:08:53,367 --> 00:08:55,994
It's so negative, it's so yesterday,
it's so... [blows raspberry]
165
00:08:56,078 --> 00:08:57,996
Pink eye is now a winning platform.
166
00:08:58,080 --> 00:08:59,456
Kids are gonna be watching thinking,
167
00:08:59,540 --> 00:09:02,167
"I wish I had a little poop
in my eye so I could get sick on my face,
168
00:09:02,251 --> 00:09:04,294
like my favorite actor,
Matthew McConaughey."
169
00:09:04,378 --> 00:09:07,214
The entire campaign schedule
is built around today.
170
00:09:07,297 --> 00:09:08,549
We're doing this.
171
00:09:08,632 --> 00:09:11,593
Now, Brian Williams is gonna be here
in 30 minutes. I need you to get dressed.
172
00:09:11,677 --> 00:09:13,095
I am dressed.
173
00:09:15,138 --> 00:09:16,682
You are so fucking funny.
174
00:09:17,808 --> 00:09:19,351
You should be a stand-up comedian.
175
00:09:19,977 --> 00:09:21,144
And tour the world.
176
00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:22,896
Get dressed.
177
00:09:24,147 --> 00:09:25,816
Why do you let her talk to you like that?
178
00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:28,277
It doesn't matter.
We cannot let Matthew do this interview.
179
00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:31,238
- We have to protect him from himself.
- I'm gonna take care of it.
180
00:09:31,321 --> 00:09:32,406
How?
181
00:09:32,489 --> 00:09:37,619
Well, in order for there to be an
interview, there has to be an interviewer.
182
00:09:37,703 --> 00:09:39,079
What are you trying to say?
183
00:09:39,162 --> 00:09:40,789
By the time I'm done with him,
184
00:09:40,873 --> 00:09:43,208
Brian Williams is gonna wish
he had pink eye.
185
00:09:43,292 --> 00:09:45,169
But you're not gonna,
like, hurt him. Right?
186
00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:46,920
The less you know, the better.
187
00:09:49,047 --> 00:09:50,299
God, what did I do?
188
00:09:51,258 --> 00:09:55,262
[Brian Williams] The lips, the teeth,
the tip of the tongue.
189
00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:57,806
Irish wristwatch.
190
00:09:57,890 --> 00:10:00,309
Swiss wristwatch.
191
00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:04,354
The lips, the teeth,
the tip of the tongue.
192
00:10:04,438 --> 00:10:06,815
Swiss wristwatch. Irish wristwatch.
193
00:10:06,899 --> 00:10:09,943
Can we go over the plan again? 'Cause
I feel like I'm not clear on our roles.
194
00:10:10,027 --> 00:10:12,821
He thinks we're, like,
taking him back to the ranch or something,
195
00:10:12,905 --> 00:10:16,491
but I guess it's our job to,
like, delay it as much as possible.
196
00:10:16,575 --> 00:10:17,784
So we're kidnapping him?
197
00:10:17,868 --> 00:10:20,370
- No, not-not-not really. I mean--
- Hey, I'm sorry, guys.
198
00:10:20,454 --> 00:10:21,997
- Excuse my manners. I...
- No.
199
00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:26,627
If I don't do my vocal exercises,
I'll be a mess during the interview.
200
00:10:26,710 --> 00:10:29,296
- [both chuckle]
- I'm-I'm Brian Williams, and you are?
201
00:10:29,379 --> 00:10:30,380
Bimmy.
202
00:10:30,923 --> 00:10:32,257
- Okay, pleasure.
- Yeah.
203
00:10:32,341 --> 00:10:34,384
This is my associate, Bolive.
204
00:10:35,177 --> 00:10:38,347
- My friends call me Olive.
- Olive. All right.
205
00:10:38,430 --> 00:10:40,057
We're production assistants.
206
00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:43,977
Production assistants are
the backbone of every production.
207
00:10:44,061 --> 00:10:47,397
- [both] Yeah.
- How far is the, uh, ranch from here?
208
00:10:48,565 --> 00:10:51,860
Oh, uh, there's, like, a lot of, uh,
construction going on...
209
00:10:51,944 --> 00:10:54,446
- And traffic.
- ...so it might be a bit of a detour.
210
00:10:54,530 --> 00:10:56,990
It's not a problem. Bimmy, is it?
Are you, uh, from around here?
211
00:10:57,074 --> 00:11:00,160
No, uh, I was going to school
in California actually.
212
00:11:00,244 --> 00:11:02,746
Oh! USC? UCLA? Stanford? What is it?
213
00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:05,165
- LBBA.
- I-I don't know that one.
214
00:11:05,249 --> 00:11:06,750
La Brea Bartending Academy.
215
00:11:06,834 --> 00:11:08,252
Both of my parents were alums,
216
00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:11,755
so obviously there was a lot of pressure
for me to follow in their footsteps.
217
00:11:11,839 --> 00:11:13,423
But, uh, I-I was a student there.
218
00:11:13,507 --> 00:11:16,969
I recently dropped out
to follow the love of my life to Austin.
219
00:11:17,761 --> 00:11:19,638
Wait, what? You dropped out?
220
00:11:19,721 --> 00:11:21,348
Uh, it's a mutual parting of ways.
221
00:11:21,431 --> 00:11:23,642
We had different understandings
of what a dirty martini was.
222
00:11:23,725 --> 00:11:28,814
This sounds like more of
a relationship than a situationship?
223
00:11:28,897 --> 00:11:30,440
Don't even get me started, Brian.
224
00:11:30,524 --> 00:11:32,734
Oh, no. I live for drama.
225
00:11:33,569 --> 00:11:36,446
I'm sorry about the house and the drive
up here and the people that live here.
226
00:11:36,530 --> 00:11:38,740
It wasn't my choice.
By the way, we should connect on LinkedIn.
227
00:11:38,824 --> 00:11:40,367
- What the hell is LinkedIn?
- Um...
228
00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:42,077
[gasps] Matty! Matty!
229
00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:44,830
- Oh, please call him Matthew.
- Perry Singer.
230
00:11:44,913 --> 00:11:47,374
- Hello, Ms. Perry. How are you?
- I'm Brian Williams's producer.
231
00:11:47,457 --> 00:11:49,209
Now, I heard you have
a problem with your eye.
232
00:11:49,293 --> 00:11:50,752
- A little pink eye.
- Let me see it.
233
00:11:50,836 --> 00:11:53,088
I wouldn't touch it.
I wouldn't touch it with your fingers!
234
00:11:53,172 --> 00:11:54,256
Well, I've seen worse.
235
00:11:54,339 --> 00:11:55,924
The same thing happened to Emeril Lagasse.
236
00:11:56,008 --> 00:11:57,926
First year of his live show,
237
00:11:58,010 --> 00:12:00,429
he flipped some chili oil in his eye,
we kept rolling.
238
00:12:00,929 --> 00:12:02,598
"Bam!" Yeah, that was my idea.
239
00:12:02,681 --> 00:12:03,807
Ha! All right, okay.
240
00:12:03,891 --> 00:12:06,685
Well, look, when the camera is ready,
I will be as well. All right.
241
00:12:06,768 --> 00:12:09,104
Speaking of, I'm heading that way.
Kiddos, eat up. Big day!
242
00:12:09,188 --> 00:12:11,481
Matthew's superpower
is unbridled optimism.
243
00:12:11,565 --> 00:12:14,026
Well, another thing he has
in common with Emeril Lagasse.
244
00:12:14,109 --> 00:12:15,777
Can we get rid of the children?
245
00:12:15,861 --> 00:12:16,862
Oh, yes, of course.
246
00:12:16,945 --> 00:12:20,115
Sad boy, middle girl, cute one. Go.
Get ready, get dressed, shower.
247
00:12:20,199 --> 00:12:22,075
Quickly. Quickly, please. Run.
248
00:12:22,159 --> 00:12:24,828
- [Perry] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Run. Oh. Sorry, excuse me.
249
00:12:24,912 --> 00:12:26,246
That one is mine.
250
00:12:26,330 --> 00:12:28,624
Anything that is green is for Matthew.
Green for Greenlights.
251
00:12:28,707 --> 00:12:30,375
I color code it like you do for a toddler.
252
00:12:30,459 --> 00:12:31,793
I don't need to know your process.
253
00:12:31,877 --> 00:12:33,962
Why don't you walk
your bouncy little tuchus somewhere
254
00:12:34,046 --> 00:12:35,631
and get me a room-temperature Sprite.
255
00:12:35,714 --> 00:12:37,758
And could you please check the thermostat?
256
00:12:37,841 --> 00:12:39,968
Must be, like, 78 degrees in here.
257
00:12:40,052 --> 00:12:42,554
I'm freezing! [sighs]
258
00:12:43,180 --> 00:12:45,599
[Brian Williams]
Which is why, respectfully,
259
00:12:45,682 --> 00:12:50,896
I think you're falling into
a classic anxious-avoidance
260
00:12:50,979 --> 00:12:53,649
- attachment-style trap, Olive.
- Yes.
261
00:12:53,732 --> 00:12:56,860
Respectfully, I think
the only trap that I fell into
262
00:12:56,944 --> 00:13:00,989
was believing that my partner was DMing
a skanky astrology micro-influencer
263
00:13:01,073 --> 00:13:03,659
named G-string Gemini for her "insights."
264
00:13:03,742 --> 00:13:06,245
Jupiter was transiting
my seventh house, baby.
265
00:13:06,328 --> 00:13:08,413
I know that doesn't mean anything
to you, but it does to me.
266
00:13:08,497 --> 00:13:10,999
And the only reason that I DMed her
was for spiritual guidance.
267
00:13:11,083 --> 00:13:14,294
But before I had the chance to explain
myself, you had ghosted me. There was...
268
00:13:14,378 --> 00:13:16,046
- Brian, you know what ghosting means?
- Yes.
269
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:20,634
I know "rizz" and "based"
and "6-7" and "brat summer" and--
270
00:13:20,717 --> 00:13:23,470
- Wow. That stuff's all kinda old now.
- Hey, are we close?
271
00:13:23,554 --> 00:13:25,639
Can we have a moment please, Brian?
272
00:13:27,057 --> 00:13:30,686
All right. Which one says
"proud Texan with pink eye"?
273
00:13:30,769 --> 00:13:32,896
I can't believe I fucked up your big day.
274
00:13:32,980 --> 00:13:34,439
- I'm so sorry.
- Don't sweat it.
275
00:13:34,523 --> 00:13:36,316
I was pissed at you at the beginning.
276
00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:39,862
I mean, did I have a dog you
gave me swallowing your sewage,
277
00:13:39,945 --> 00:13:43,240
licking me in the eye,
giving me pink eye in my bingo card?
278
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:45,075
No, I did not. But that's done.
279
00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:47,202
This is where I thrive, man.
Play it where it lies.
280
00:13:47,286 --> 00:13:48,287
I got this. We're good.
281
00:13:48,370 --> 00:13:52,666
It's almost like when life throws darts at
you, they don't stick unless you let 'em.
282
00:13:53,375 --> 00:13:54,793
- [clicks tongue]
- [chuckles]
283
00:13:56,837 --> 00:14:00,841
You know what I was thinking about the
other day? True Detective, episode four.
284
00:14:00,924 --> 00:14:03,719
- "Who Goes There?"
- A six-minute, ten-second tracking shot.
285
00:14:03,802 --> 00:14:05,262
One take, no edits.
286
00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:07,556
- [chuckles]
- We rehearsed that thing for months.
287
00:14:07,639 --> 00:14:11,059
We're live, about to shoot. It's
3:00 in the morning, hotter than hell,
288
00:14:11,143 --> 00:14:15,898
200 people on the crew have to be
in perfect synchronicity for this to work.
289
00:14:15,981 --> 00:14:18,483
I'm like, "Dude, I don't know
how we're gonna pull this off."
290
00:14:18,567 --> 00:14:21,320
"Actually, Wood.
I don't know how I'm gonna pull it off."
291
00:14:21,403 --> 00:14:24,948
And do you remember what you said to me?
292
00:14:26,658 --> 00:14:28,076
"I am your lighthouse."
293
00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:31,288
Bing. "I'm your lighthouse."
294
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:35,292
Right? So I'm not fretting anything
that could go on out there today.
295
00:14:35,918 --> 00:14:37,961
'Cause if I do happen to get
into any kind of pinch,
296
00:14:38,045 --> 00:14:40,047
all I gotta do is look to you-know-who.
297
00:14:40,589 --> 00:14:41,590
Ding.
298
00:14:42,299 --> 00:14:44,134
My lighthouse. Love you, brother.
299
00:14:44,218 --> 00:14:45,219
Love you, brother.
300
00:14:45,969 --> 00:14:47,888
- [knock on door]
- How's the sleepover going?
301
00:14:47,971 --> 00:14:50,766
It's your mom.
You want some pizza rolls? [chuckles]
302
00:14:50,849 --> 00:14:53,185
Ooh, bolo ties. Amazing.
I'm obsessed. I love it.
303
00:14:53,268 --> 00:14:54,937
- No bolo.
- Let's not do bolo. I hate it.
304
00:14:55,020 --> 00:14:56,939
I hate the look.
Did you wanna do any more prep?
305
00:14:57,022 --> 00:14:58,982
No. I'm ready to rock and roll here.
306
00:14:59,066 --> 00:15:00,484
- Uh, they ready out there?
- Great.
307
00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:02,778
Everybody's movin' and groovin'.
The spirits are high,
308
00:15:02,861 --> 00:15:05,948
the vibes are immaculate, people are
screaming and dancing and laughing.
309
00:15:06,031 --> 00:15:08,992
Um, there's just one small issue.
It's not even an issue.
310
00:15:09,076 --> 00:15:10,077
It's just a thing.
311
00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:13,080
Um, Brian Williams is missing.
312
00:15:14,623 --> 00:15:17,751
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What do you mean he's missing?
313
00:15:17,835 --> 00:15:18,919
He could be dead.
314
00:15:22,506 --> 00:15:24,216
Yes, I should not be sleeping
with a night-light.
315
00:15:24,299 --> 00:15:25,634
I'm too old and I will own that.
316
00:15:25,717 --> 00:15:27,803
But, baby, and I say this
with only love in my heart...
317
00:15:29,012 --> 00:15:31,682
But you have a serious intimacy problem.
Remember the paint and sip club?
318
00:15:31,765 --> 00:15:33,684
- Yes, I do. What about it?
- Remember? You loved those gals.
319
00:15:33,767 --> 00:15:36,186
They were your best friends for six weeks
until one of them invited you
320
00:15:36,270 --> 00:15:39,189
on that girls trip and you got super
annoyed that they all chewed too loud.
321
00:15:39,273 --> 00:15:41,191
- Yeah, 'cause that's--
- So annoyed, in fact,
322
00:15:41,275 --> 00:15:44,236
that rather than have a conversation, you
called it quits on the club altogether.
323
00:15:44,319 --> 00:15:45,821
That's what you do, baby. You run.
324
00:15:45,904 --> 00:15:47,614
Do you see
what I'm dealing with here, Brian?
325
00:15:47,698 --> 00:15:50,534
- Hey, does anyone have service here?
- Please admit Brian's right.
326
00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:52,911
Just admit you have an
anxious-avoidant attachment style.
327
00:15:52,995 --> 00:15:54,079
You are impossible!
328
00:15:54,162 --> 00:15:58,834
I am getting claustrophobic
and I'd like to get out of this car.
329
00:15:58,917 --> 00:16:02,254
- Are the child locks on?
- Read the fucking room, Brian!
330
00:16:02,337 --> 00:16:05,007
I'm sorry I cursed, but fuck.
Come on, man.
331
00:16:06,508 --> 00:16:07,634
[sighs]
332
00:16:08,677 --> 00:16:12,222
Where the hell is Brian Williams?
He was supposed to be here 40 minutes ago.
333
00:16:12,306 --> 00:16:13,807
Who does he think he is? Geraldo?
334
00:16:13,891 --> 00:16:15,100
And I need another Sprite.
335
00:16:15,976 --> 00:16:21,106
Hey, hey. Who knows more
in the world about Matthew than I do?
336
00:16:21,190 --> 00:16:23,567
- I should do this interview.
- [Woody, Matthew] No.
337
00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:26,403
- Absolutely not.
- Uh, it'd pull all the focus off me, Mom.
338
00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:28,655
- Not a good idea.
- I'm not gonna argue with that.
339
00:16:28,739 --> 00:16:31,200
I mean, I can't shut this off.
340
00:16:31,825 --> 00:16:33,243
Whoa, whoa. Wait, wait.
341
00:16:33,327 --> 00:16:35,037
Dad, Oprah.
342
00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:36,538
You know Oprah?
343
00:16:36,622 --> 00:16:38,040
Not like, personally.
344
00:16:38,123 --> 00:16:39,958
Oh, so you're just saying names then?
345
00:16:41,502 --> 00:16:43,086
- Yes.
- What about Hilary Duff?
346
00:16:43,170 --> 00:16:44,880
- Maybe she wants to--
- No, no. I got it.
347
00:16:45,464 --> 00:16:47,090
- What about Dax Shepy?
- Shepy who?
348
00:16:47,174 --> 00:16:48,634
- Dax Shepard.
- [Ma Mac] Oh, yeah.
349
00:16:48,717 --> 00:16:50,928
I was just on his podcast last week.
350
00:16:51,011 --> 00:16:54,014
The guy's smart, he's popular,
he speaks to my demographic.
351
00:16:54,097 --> 00:16:58,644
And I believe he said he was in town
this week shooting a Samsung ad.
352
00:16:58,727 --> 00:17:01,813
- No, baby. I don't... [stammers]
- No, no. Dax Shepard. That-That is good.
353
00:17:01,897 --> 00:17:03,607
- That could actually work.
- I'll call him.
354
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:06,902
Uh, you know what?
I-I like the Oprah idea, Wyatt.
355
00:17:06,984 --> 00:17:08,779
And I-I'll get a hold of Gayle.
356
00:17:08,862 --> 00:17:11,990
But I just think we all need
to start thinking collectively
357
00:17:12,074 --> 00:17:14,076
- about feathering the brakes...
- Mm-hmm.
358
00:17:14,159 --> 00:17:16,994
...and just taking a breath.
This is not happening today.
359
00:17:17,079 --> 00:17:18,829
- [Perry] Uh-oh, Woody.
- And by the way,
360
00:17:18,914 --> 00:17:20,332
Brian Williams might resurface.
361
00:17:20,415 --> 00:17:22,334
- Oh, he better.
- I'm sure whoever's keeping him...
362
00:17:22,416 --> 00:17:24,252
He's safe and h-hydrated.
363
00:17:25,462 --> 00:17:26,797
Uh, yeah. I-I agree with Woody.
364
00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:28,841
- No, no, no. We're not pushing.
- No, we're not.
365
00:17:28,924 --> 00:17:31,093
Dax is in. Will be here within the hour.
366
00:17:31,176 --> 00:17:32,177
- [Gwen] Yes.
- Oh.
367
00:17:32,261 --> 00:17:33,929
I'm gonna go do a power meditation.
368
00:17:34,012 --> 00:17:35,848
[Perry] You know who is gonna love this?
369
00:17:35,931 --> 00:17:37,266
My nephew, Petey.
370
00:17:37,349 --> 00:17:38,684
Dax is his hall pass.
371
00:17:38,767 --> 00:17:41,228
Hey, hey, Petey. It's Aunt P.
372
00:17:41,311 --> 00:17:42,604
- Guess what?
- Well, at least we tried.
373
00:17:42,688 --> 00:17:45,232
Should I call off the kidnapping?
374
00:17:47,609 --> 00:17:48,986
I'm sorry, what?
375
00:17:50,904 --> 00:17:52,281
Now you want us to bring him back?
376
00:17:52,823 --> 00:17:55,868
Okay. Well, it's gonna take a while.
[inhales deeply] Bye.
377
00:17:57,536 --> 00:17:59,830
Turn around.
We're going back to the ranch.
378
00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:03,166
Wait. Wha... Back to where we were going?
379
00:18:03,250 --> 00:18:04,877
Am I being trafficked?
380
00:18:08,505 --> 00:18:10,424
It's more of a kidnapping.
381
00:18:11,717 --> 00:18:12,718
Yeah.
382
00:18:12,801 --> 00:18:16,346
[Jimmy] It's, like, a...
temporary detainment maybe.
383
00:18:17,181 --> 00:18:19,057
I just think trafficking is
a bit dramatic.
384
00:18:21,727 --> 00:18:24,396
Oh, no. That flag. Turn it around
so all the stars are facing this way.
385
00:18:24,479 --> 00:18:26,732
- Perry. Perry.
- Yeah. What is it?
386
00:18:27,441 --> 00:18:28,901
I don't care what these clowns say.
387
00:18:28,984 --> 00:18:32,070
I'm not about to have my son
go on national television
388
00:18:32,154 --> 00:18:34,531
with an asshole
where his eyeball should be.
389
00:18:34,615 --> 00:18:36,116
I'm talking to you mother to mother.
390
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:38,660
You are the only one around here
who's making any fucking sense.
391
00:18:38,744 --> 00:18:40,412
It's nice to speak to a grown-up.
392
00:18:40,495 --> 00:18:41,830
- Well, I...
- Yeah, let me have this.
393
00:18:41,914 --> 00:18:44,458
Okay, switch those cards there. Yeah.
Put Matthew in the tan chair.
394
00:18:44,541 --> 00:18:46,919
Mm-hmm. All right. Mmm. Mmm.
395
00:18:54,551 --> 00:18:56,595
Oh, dude.
396
00:18:57,804 --> 00:19:00,098
- I miss hair.
- Can y'all give me a second?
397
00:19:00,182 --> 00:19:01,183
[air dryer turns off]
398
00:19:01,767 --> 00:19:03,352
[blows] All right, buddy.
399
00:19:03,435 --> 00:19:06,188
Could you remind me
one more time why the hell I'm doing this?
400
00:19:06,855 --> 00:19:08,565
- Matthew, I do not believe...
- [humming rhythmically]
401
00:19:08,649 --> 00:19:12,694
...in institutions in general
or organized government specifically.
402
00:19:12,778 --> 00:19:16,365
In fact, I have advocated,
uh, for their elimination.
403
00:19:16,448 --> 00:19:21,203
But I believe you will make the greatest
governor this state has ever known.
404
00:19:21,286 --> 00:19:23,497
- That's my man.
- Dax Shepard is here.
405
00:19:23,580 --> 00:19:25,165
No autographs, no selfies.
406
00:19:25,249 --> 00:19:26,667
[blows] All right, baby.
407
00:19:26,750 --> 00:19:29,461
- Game time. Ding-ding.
- [Woody laughs]
408
00:19:30,712 --> 00:19:35,133
Hey, you get lost out there,
just look over this way.
409
00:19:35,217 --> 00:19:37,219
- And find my lighthouse.
- [chuckles]
410
00:19:38,178 --> 00:19:40,597
- Good luck, Governor.
- Press record. [clicks tongue]
411
00:19:41,557 --> 00:19:42,683
[exclaims] Whoo!
412
00:19:45,352 --> 00:19:48,981
He has a really dimply smile that he uses
when he's talking about infrastructure...
413
00:19:49,064 --> 00:19:52,067
- Dax attack. My man. Dude!
- [laughs] Woody, what's up, dude?
414
00:19:52,150 --> 00:19:54,736
- Good. Oh, my God.
- Good to see ya.
415
00:19:54,820 --> 00:19:56,572
What's happening? Is that you on the bus?
416
00:19:56,655 --> 00:19:58,240
- Yeah. We're all living on a bus.
- Wow.
417
00:19:58,323 --> 00:20:00,993
- Financial, everything's good?
- Yeah, yeah.
418
00:20:01,076 --> 00:20:03,036
- Got a dog named Little Woody, you know?
- Oh.
419
00:20:03,120 --> 00:20:06,164
I'm singing-songwriting under a pseudonym.
No complaints.
420
00:20:06,248 --> 00:20:08,417
- Okay. Yeah.
- I mean, but who'd listen, right?
421
00:20:08,500 --> 00:20:10,752
- But... Oh, but he's ready, I think.
- You could. Oh...
422
00:20:12,129 --> 00:20:13,547
- Look at this handsome dude.
- Hey.
423
00:20:13,630 --> 00:20:15,591
- How are ya?
- Thank you for doing this.
424
00:20:15,674 --> 00:20:17,217
- Yeah.
- What's happening? You get poked?
425
00:20:17,301 --> 00:20:19,219
- I got a little pink eye. Yeah.
- Oh.
426
00:20:19,303 --> 00:20:21,555
- Good thing we hugged.
- [both chuckle]
427
00:20:21,638 --> 00:20:23,140
Materials.
428
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:30,230
[Matthew mumbles]
429
00:20:30,314 --> 00:20:31,899
[crew member] Okay, going live.
430
00:20:32,608 --> 00:20:36,570
- Uh, Matthew, my friend. Good to see you.
- Thank you for being here, bud.
431
00:20:36,653 --> 00:20:37,988
You're a man of many talents.
432
00:20:38,071 --> 00:20:42,534
You're an Oscar winner, uh, you have,
uh, twice written a bestseller.
433
00:20:42,618 --> 00:20:43,911
- Actually, three. Yeah.
- Three?
434
00:20:43,994 --> 00:20:48,207
- And you're a visiting professor at UT?
- Yeah, I created two classes over there.
435
00:20:48,290 --> 00:20:51,585
[Dax] Incredible. I think we could do
an hour on any one of those topics,
436
00:20:51,668 --> 00:20:53,295
but alas, that's not why we're here today.
437
00:20:53,378 --> 00:20:55,214
You have a new gig
you wanna tell everyone about?
438
00:20:55,297 --> 00:20:59,927
Yes, sir. I am honored today and,
uh, humbled to announce
439
00:21:00,010 --> 00:21:04,598
that I am running
for governor of the great state of Texas.
440
00:21:04,681 --> 00:21:08,310
Whoa.
From Wooderson to gubernatorial candidate.
441
00:21:08,393 --> 00:21:10,020
I'm a fifth-generation Texan.
442
00:21:10,103 --> 00:21:13,148
I know where the state's been, I know
where it is, I know where it's going.
443
00:21:13,232 --> 00:21:17,069
I know that the good people of Texas,
they want good jobs.
444
00:21:17,152 --> 00:21:18,612
They want safe schools for the children.
445
00:21:18,695 --> 00:21:21,698
They want responsible law and order,
and most importantly,
446
00:21:21,782 --> 00:21:24,034
they want a governor that they can trust.
447
00:21:24,117 --> 00:21:26,912
And that's exactly
what I want to give you.
448
00:21:26,995 --> 00:21:27,996
Nailed it.
449
00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:30,916
Now, when you and I have talked over
the years, you've often framed
450
00:21:30,999 --> 00:21:35,879
your Texas story as really a story
between you and your dad, Big Mac.
451
00:21:35,963 --> 00:21:37,381
He was Texas.
452
00:21:38,215 --> 00:21:44,847
And, uh, I consider myself and
somewhat see myself as the son of Texas.
453
00:21:46,348 --> 00:21:51,436
Yeah, so given that, I-I-I can
only imagine what your reaction was
454
00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:55,983
when you found out that Big Mac
wasn't your biological father.
455
00:21:57,192 --> 00:21:58,235
What did he just say?
456
00:21:58,318 --> 00:22:01,238
[Dax] That's something that you
just recently found out?
457
00:22:02,406 --> 00:22:05,033
[laughs, stammers]
What are you talking about?
458
00:22:05,117 --> 00:22:07,286
The DNA test they gave me.
459
00:22:10,789 --> 00:22:13,876
[Dax] I mean, first you're finding
out that about your father,
460
00:22:13,959 --> 00:22:18,505
but then to learn, on top of all that,
that you and your best friend,
461
00:22:18,589 --> 00:22:19,965
Woody Harrelson,
462
00:22:20,048 --> 00:22:25,179
actually share a biological father.
That had to be mind-blowing, no?
463
00:22:28,015 --> 00:22:29,975
[stammers]
464
00:22:31,602 --> 00:22:33,937
[stammers] Can we cut...
Can we cut for a second?
465
00:22:48,785 --> 00:22:49,912
[crew member] What's happening?
466
00:22:58,378 --> 00:23:01,048
What-What i... What is this? Is this real?
467
00:23:01,924 --> 00:23:05,385
Dude. [stammers]
I'm just finding out about this too.
468
00:23:05,469 --> 00:23:07,638
- But you knew about it.
- No, I didn't know.
469
00:23:07,721 --> 00:23:10,015
But, Woody, there's your name
right there on the analysis.
470
00:23:10,098 --> 00:23:12,059
I wanted to talk to you about this,
471
00:23:12,142 --> 00:23:15,103
but I didn't want to talk to
you until I was absolutely--
472
00:23:15,187 --> 00:23:16,688
- [people gasp]
- Dad?
473
00:23:16,772 --> 00:23:18,482
Fucking lighthouse, huh?
474
00:23:18,565 --> 00:23:20,442
- [groans]
- [Joy] Babe, are you okay?
475
00:23:24,279 --> 00:23:25,280
[sighs]
476
00:23:31,787 --> 00:23:34,456
- Okay.
- [Valentina] Matthew.
477
00:23:34,540 --> 00:23:35,832
Oh.
478
00:23:36,834 --> 00:23:37,835
My eye.
479
00:23:38,585 --> 00:23:39,586
Bam!