1
00:00:30,489 --> 00:00:31,865
Matthew.
2
00:00:32,824 --> 00:00:33,992
Matthew.
3
00:00:34,618 --> 00:00:37,036
- What?
- Fuck, Wood.
4
00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:39,539
I couldn't sleep,
I'm so excited about tomorrow.
5
00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:43,417
I brought you some low-glycemic,
micro-bubble champagne.
6
00:00:43,418 --> 00:00:45,711
I'm all right, man.
I really need to get my sleep.
7
00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:47,797
Dude,
it is not every day that your best friend
8
00:00:47,798 --> 00:00:51,592
announces on national television
that he is running for governor.
9
00:00:51,593 --> 00:00:53,427
And even though I do believe
10
00:00:53,428 --> 00:00:56,347
that the government should be run
by a council of women elders
11
00:00:56,348 --> 00:01:00,852
and I will not vote until every animal
has the right to vote, I am here for you.
12
00:01:00,853 --> 00:01:02,895
Whatever you need, I'm your man.
13
00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:05,731
- Yeah. Thank you, buddy.
- So fucking proud of you.
14
00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:07,900
Woody, that was incredibly sweet,
but we're exhausted.
15
00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:09,902
Val. I'm sorry,
I didn't know you were awake.
16
00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:11,280
Would you like some champers?
17
00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:17,159
You know what? I'm getting the vibe that
you guys wanna go back to sleep.
18
00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:21,497
I'm gonna bid you
good night, Mr. Governor.
19
00:01:21,498 --> 00:01:23,458
Good night, Mrs. Governor.
20
00:01:24,209 --> 00:01:26,669
I could just sit here
and watch you all sleep.
21
00:01:26,670 --> 00:01:27,671
Can you not do that?
22
00:01:28,630 --> 00:01:30,048
God, look at you guys.
23
00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:55,449
Okay.
24
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:17,530
Everything's gonna change after today.
You feeling good?
25
00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:20,241
Yeah, I'm really excited.
I've never met Brian Williams.
26
00:03:20,242 --> 00:03:22,535
- What are you gonna wear?
- I'm gonna wear this.
27
00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:26,915
Hey. I wish I could take you away for
a weekend and change everything about you.
28
00:03:27,416 --> 00:03:29,667
Just start from scratch.
29
00:03:29,668 --> 00:03:32,879
If we didn't live in such a patriarchy,
you could be the next governor of Texas.
30
00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:33,881
Really?
31
00:03:34,923 --> 00:03:37,967
No. As it was halfway out of my mouth,
I kinda stopped believing it.
32
00:03:37,968 --> 00:03:40,053
Where the fuck are my
Texas Bluebonnet bouquets?
33
00:03:40,679 --> 00:03:42,763
Want me to order
from Bloom with a View? 'Cause I will.
34
00:03:42,764 --> 00:03:45,808
It's my mother. She's a florist.
She's a total fucking idiot.
35
00:03:45,809 --> 00:03:48,729
If you're not here in 20 minutes, Deborah,
I'm gonna fucking fire--
36
00:03:50,689 --> 00:03:52,648
What the fuck?
37
00:03:52,649 --> 00:03:53,942
Oh, my God. It smells like death.
38
00:03:55,485 --> 00:03:56,486
What...
39
00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:00,365
Val, get my shoe. Get my shoe!
40
00:04:10,626 --> 00:04:11,668
Woody.
41
00:04:13,337 --> 00:04:14,880
- Wood!
- Owen?
42
00:04:16,255 --> 00:04:17,507
Do you smell that?
43
00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:23,013
I meant to take the garbage out last n...
44
00:04:23,889 --> 00:04:26,808
Kai, can you take the garbage out, please?
45
00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:31,188
- I'm sleeping.
- Well, can you sleepwalk the garbage out?
46
00:04:31,939 --> 00:04:33,690
Old people need our rest.
47
00:04:38,654 --> 00:04:39,988
Hey, Kai!
48
00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:45,284
- Milady.
- M'Wyatt.
49
00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:46,202
Hey, let me get these.
50
00:04:46,203 --> 00:04:47,787
- No, I'm good.
- No, I insist.
51
00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:49,914
Chivalry is not dead.
52
00:04:49,915 --> 00:04:51,165
Shoot. Sorry.
53
00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:55,211
{\an8}It's compostable bags.
They're made out of tissue paper.
54
00:04:55,212 --> 00:04:56,672
One of the joys of being a hippie.
55
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,552
My God. Can you believe this?
It's a letter for my dad.
56
00:05:02,553 --> 00:05:05,054
He's been, like, borderline
stalking the mail man for weeks.
57
00:05:05,055 --> 00:05:08,433
- Of course he accidentally throws it out.
- I can deliver it to him.
58
00:05:09,017 --> 00:05:10,601
Yeah. Be a hero.
59
00:05:10,602 --> 00:05:12,019
All right.
60
00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:15,274
Which one of you fuckers
filled the barn with shit?
61
00:05:16,942 --> 00:05:21,196
I don't appreciate being blamed
and I don't like your tone, okay?
62
00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:23,698
Who's to say what happened?
63
00:05:23,699 --> 00:05:24,949
Oh, sweet God.
64
00:05:24,950 --> 00:05:26,033
Yeah, sweet God is right.
65
00:05:26,034 --> 00:05:28,911
There is a river of shit from your bus,
down this hill,
66
00:05:28,912 --> 00:05:32,206
to the barn where Matthew is supposed
to be interviewed by Brian Williams
67
00:05:32,207 --> 00:05:33,708
in one hour.
68
00:05:33,709 --> 00:05:35,418
Why are you only wearing one shoe?
69
00:05:35,419 --> 00:05:37,545
Why are you wearing two shoes?
Why not 3 or 4 or 5?
70
00:05:37,546 --> 00:05:39,590
See how that feels? Don't do that.
71
00:05:40,424 --> 00:05:42,592
- Oh, God, no, Little Woody!
- Woody!
72
00:05:42,593 --> 00:05:45,344
Little... Off, off!
That's poo-poo, not wa-wa.
73
00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:46,721
He really likes it.
74
00:05:46,722 --> 00:05:49,015
Mommy, see how much Little Woody likes it?
75
00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:50,808
- Yeah, honey, I see it.
- Off, Little Woody!
76
00:05:50,809 --> 00:05:53,019
Why don't we move this
interview into the house?
77
00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:54,687
Into your house? With it...
78
00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:57,315
how it's decorated, with
the furniture and the art that you have?
79
00:05:57,316 --> 00:06:00,109
That could work, if it was
a podcast or radio, or something.
80
00:06:00,110 --> 00:06:01,987
An interview like that,
where there's no video.
81
00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:04,531
But... I'm sorry.
82
00:06:05,490 --> 00:06:06,783
"Perfect is the enemy of good."
83
00:06:07,618 --> 00:06:08,827
"Perfect is the enemy of good."
84
00:06:09,745 --> 00:06:11,121
"Perfect is the enemy of good."
85
00:06:12,206 --> 00:06:13,289
Hey, Uncle Woody,
86
00:06:13,290 --> 00:06:15,249
- I found some of your mail.
- No, no, no, no.
87
00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:18,085
No, no. Just put it on the counter.
88
00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:19,629
I'll get it at brekkie.
89
00:06:19,630 --> 00:06:21,256
- No, no.
- Where's Matthew?
90
00:06:22,174 --> 00:06:24,675
I'll go grab him.
He knows what to do in every situation.
91
00:06:24,676 --> 00:06:26,637
Who's cooking barbecue?
92
00:06:30,641 --> 00:06:31,642
Dad?
93
00:06:33,227 --> 00:06:34,228
Dad?
94
00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:36,813
Hey, Dad?
95
00:06:39,274 --> 00:06:40,775
Goddamn it, Woody.
96
00:06:40,776 --> 00:06:43,903
This is why they invented plumbing,
like, thousands of years ago.
97
00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:46,405
- Ma Mac, it wasn't my fault.
- Morning, fam!
98
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:48,658
- There he is.
- Nothing like a little hill country hike
99
00:06:48,659 --> 00:06:50,368
to start your big day!
100
00:06:50,369 --> 00:06:52,912
Come here, Little Woody! Come here, doggy!
101
00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:54,789
- No! Little Woody, no!
- Come here.
102
00:06:54,790 --> 00:06:57,375
- Get away from the dog.
- Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
103
00:06:57,376 --> 00:06:59,001
- Get away from the dog!
- Matthew, no!
104
00:06:59,002 --> 00:07:01,546
- Give me kissy. Thank you!
- That dog was slurping up shit!
105
00:07:01,547 --> 00:07:03,756
Jesus H. Christ, have mercy on us.
106
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:06,968
Can you believe there was ever a day when
I didn't love this little bugger?
107
00:07:06,969 --> 00:07:08,636
- Yes.
- I think you should
108
00:07:08,637 --> 00:07:10,389
get your face off his tongue.
109
00:07:18,230 --> 00:07:19,856
Okay, he's gonna come out.
110
00:07:19,857 --> 00:07:22,025
Just tell him that he looks great
and don't...
111
00:07:22,568 --> 00:07:23,902
don't look in his eye.
112
00:07:24,570 --> 00:07:25,571
Okay.
113
00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:29,866
- What do we think?
- Oh, my God.
114
00:07:29,867 --> 00:07:32,119
- Dad!
- Dad, you look incredible!
115
00:07:32,911 --> 00:07:34,412
No, you really look horrendous.
116
00:07:34,413 --> 00:07:37,874
Okay, this is gonna hurt the campaign,
but I'm shutting this whole thing down.
117
00:07:37,875 --> 00:07:39,625
I can't believe I waxed
my butthole for this.
118
00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:41,169
I wonder where everybody...
119
00:07:41,170 --> 00:07:45,007
Holy God, tell me my vegan shit
didn't do that to your eyehole.
120
00:07:45,674 --> 00:07:47,676
Hang on, everybody,
let's take a big breath here.
121
00:07:48,594 --> 00:07:50,678
Make sure we're not overexaggerating
122
00:07:50,679 --> 00:07:52,430
the severity of this situation.
123
00:07:52,431 --> 00:07:54,849
Who hadn't had
a little pink in their eye before?
124
00:07:54,850 --> 00:07:57,894
Right? I mean, are we sure we're not
just looking at the inflammation?
125
00:07:57,895 --> 00:08:00,105
Instead, maybe we should be seeing...
126
00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:02,064
the opportunity here.
127
00:08:02,065 --> 00:08:04,358
Gwen, what have you been talking
to me about for weeks?
128
00:08:04,359 --> 00:08:06,736
You're saying "You gotta quit relying
on that pretty face."
129
00:08:06,737 --> 00:08:08,947
Well, look at this, ta-fucking-da!
130
00:08:10,032 --> 00:08:15,661
I mean, this is a face of a man
who can deal with times of adversity.
131
00:08:15,662 --> 00:08:18,247
- Okay.
- Texans don't want a governor
132
00:08:18,248 --> 00:08:21,250
who's gonna run and hide every time
he comes up on a crisis.
133
00:08:21,251 --> 00:08:24,253
No, they want a governor
who will come out in hard times,
134
00:08:24,254 --> 00:08:25,838
look everyone in the eye.
135
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,048
- No. No.
- Yes?
136
00:08:27,049 --> 00:08:28,466
- That's actually genius!
- Yeah!
137
00:08:28,467 --> 00:08:29,967
So he has a little shit in his eye.
138
00:08:29,968 --> 00:08:31,802
- What's a little turd?
- He's not perfect.
139
00:08:31,803 --> 00:08:33,513
- He's a man of the people.
- It's endearing.
140
00:08:33,514 --> 00:08:36,182
He's folksy, he's fun, he's fresh,
he's fierce, he's fuckable, and...
141
00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:37,433
This is a gift. This is a gift.
142
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:39,101
It's a campaign coup.
143
00:08:39,102 --> 00:08:40,894
Now, who wants pancakes?
144
00:08:40,895 --> 00:08:42,063
Me!
145
00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:45,149
I really don't think
he should be handling food.
146
00:08:45,150 --> 00:08:46,817
No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
147
00:08:46,818 --> 00:08:48,778
Matthew thinks he can make anything work,
148
00:08:48,779 --> 00:08:51,239
but he cannot go
on national television looking like that.
149
00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:53,366
Val, I don't need this
attitude from you right now.
150
00:08:53,367 --> 00:08:56,077
It's so negative, it's so yesterday,
it's so...
151
00:08:56,078 --> 00:08:58,079
Pink eye is now a winning platform.
152
00:08:58,080 --> 00:08:59,539
Kids are gonna be watching thinking,
153
00:08:59,540 --> 00:09:02,250
"I wish I had a little poop
in my eye so I could get sick on my face,
154
00:09:02,251 --> 00:09:04,377
like my favorite actor,
Matthew McConaughey."
155
00:09:04,378 --> 00:09:07,296
The entire campaign schedule
is built around today.
156
00:09:07,297 --> 00:09:08,631
We're doing this.
157
00:09:08,632 --> 00:09:11,676
Now, Brian Williams is gonna be here
in 30 minutes. I need you to get dressed.
158
00:09:11,677 --> 00:09:13,095
I am dressed.
159
00:09:15,138 --> 00:09:16,682
You are so fucking funny.
160
00:09:17,808 --> 00:09:19,351
You should be a stand-up comedian.
161
00:09:19,977 --> 00:09:21,144
And tour the world.
162
00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:22,896
Get dressed.
163
00:09:24,147 --> 00:09:25,898
Why do you let her talk to you like that?
164
00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:28,359
It doesn't matter.
We cannot let Matthew do this interview.
165
00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:31,320
- We have to protect him from himself.
- I'm gonna take care of it.
166
00:09:31,321 --> 00:09:32,488
How?
167
00:09:32,489 --> 00:09:37,702
Well, in order for there to be an
interview, there has to be an interviewer.
168
00:09:37,703 --> 00:09:39,161
What are you trying to say?
169
00:09:39,162 --> 00:09:40,872
By the time I'm done with him,
170
00:09:40,873 --> 00:09:43,291
Brian Williams is gonna wish
he had pink eye.
171
00:09:43,292 --> 00:09:45,251
But you're not gonna,
like, hurt him. Right?
172
00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:46,920
The less you know, the better.
173
00:09:49,047 --> 00:09:50,299
God, what did I do?
174
00:09:51,258 --> 00:09:55,344
The lips, the teeth,
the tip of the tongue.
175
00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:57,889
Irish wristwatch.
176
00:09:57,890 --> 00:10:00,391
Swiss wristwatch.
177
00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:04,437
The lips, the teeth,
the tip of the tongue.
178
00:10:04,438 --> 00:10:06,898
Swiss wristwatch. Irish wristwatch.
179
00:10:06,899 --> 00:10:10,026
Can we go over the plan again? 'Cause
I feel like I'm not clear on our roles.
180
00:10:10,027 --> 00:10:12,904
He thinks we're, like,
taking him back to the ranch or something,
181
00:10:12,905 --> 00:10:16,574
but I guess it's our job to,
like, delay it as much as possible.
182
00:10:16,575 --> 00:10:17,867
So we're kidnapping him?
183
00:10:17,868 --> 00:10:20,453
- No, not really. I mean--
- Hey, I'm sorry, guys.
184
00:10:20,454 --> 00:10:22,079
- Excuse my manners. I...
- No.
185
00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:26,792
If I don't do my vocal exercises,
I'll be a mess during the interview.
186
00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:29,378
I'm Brian Williams, and you are?
187
00:10:29,379 --> 00:10:30,380
Bimmy.
188
00:10:30,923 --> 00:10:32,340
- Okay, pleasure.
- Yeah.
189
00:10:32,341 --> 00:10:34,384
This is my associate, Bolive.
190
00:10:35,177 --> 00:10:38,429
- My friends call me Olive.
- Olive. All right.
191
00:10:38,430 --> 00:10:40,139
We're production assistants.
192
00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:44,060
Production assistants are
the backbone of every production.
193
00:10:44,061 --> 00:10:47,397
- Yeah.
- How far is the ranch from here?
194
00:10:49,483 --> 00:10:51,943
There's, like, a lot of
construction going on...
195
00:10:51,944 --> 00:10:54,529
- And traffic.
- ...so it might be a bit of a detour.
196
00:10:54,530 --> 00:10:57,073
It's not a problem. Bimmy, is it?
Are you from around here?
197
00:10:57,074 --> 00:11:00,243
No, I was going to school
in California actually.
198
00:11:00,244 --> 00:11:02,828
USC? UCLA? Stanford? What is it?
199
00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:05,248
- LBBA.
- I don't know that one.
200
00:11:05,249 --> 00:11:06,833
La Brea Bartending Academy.
201
00:11:06,834 --> 00:11:08,334
Both of my parents were alums,
202
00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:11,838
so obviously there was a lot of pressure
for me to follow in their footsteps.
203
00:11:11,839 --> 00:11:13,506
But I was a student there.
204
00:11:13,507 --> 00:11:16,969
I recently dropped out
to follow the love of my life to Austin.
205
00:11:17,761 --> 00:11:19,720
Wait, what? You dropped out?
206
00:11:19,721 --> 00:11:21,430
It's a mutual parting of ways.
207
00:11:21,431 --> 00:11:23,724
We had different understandings
of what a dirty martini was.
208
00:11:23,725 --> 00:11:28,896
This sounds like more of
a relationship than a situationship?
209
00:11:28,897 --> 00:11:30,523
Don't even get me started, Brian.
210
00:11:30,524 --> 00:11:32,734
Oh, no. I live for drama.
211
00:11:33,569 --> 00:11:36,529
I'm sorry about the house and the drive
up here and the people that live here.
212
00:11:36,530 --> 00:11:38,823
It wasn't my choice.
By the way, we should connect on LinkedIn.
213
00:11:38,824 --> 00:11:40,449
What the hell is LinkedIn?
214
00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:42,493
Matty! Matty!
215
00:11:42,494 --> 00:11:44,912
- Please call him Matthew.
- Perry Singer.
216
00:11:44,913 --> 00:11:47,456
- Hello, Ms. Perry. How are you?
- I'm Brian Williams's producer.
217
00:11:47,457 --> 00:11:49,292
Now, I heard you have
a problem with your eye.
218
00:11:49,293 --> 00:11:50,835
- A little pink eye.
- Let me see it.
219
00:11:50,836 --> 00:11:53,171
I wouldn't touch it.
I wouldn't touch it with your fingers!
220
00:11:53,172 --> 00:11:54,338
Well, I've seen worse.
221
00:11:54,339 --> 00:11:56,007
The same thing happened to Emeril Lagasse.
222
00:11:56,008 --> 00:11:58,009
First year of his live show,
223
00:11:58,010 --> 00:12:00,429
he flipped some chili oil in his eye,
we kept rolling.
224
00:12:00,929 --> 00:12:02,680
"Bam!" Yeah, that was my idea.
225
00:12:02,681 --> 00:12:03,764
All right, okay.
226
00:12:03,765 --> 00:12:06,767
Well, look, when the camera is ready,
I will be as well. All right.
227
00:12:06,768 --> 00:12:09,187
Speaking of, I'm heading that way.
Kiddos, eat up. Big day!
228
00:12:09,188 --> 00:12:11,564
Matthew's superpower
is unbridled optimism.
229
00:12:11,565 --> 00:12:14,108
Well, another thing he has
in common with Emeril Lagasse.
230
00:12:14,109 --> 00:12:15,860
Can we get rid of the children?
231
00:12:15,861 --> 00:12:16,944
Yes, of course.
232
00:12:16,945 --> 00:12:20,198
Sad boy, middle girl, cute one. Go.
Get ready, get dressed, shower.
233
00:12:20,199 --> 00:12:22,158
Quickly. Quickly, please. Run.
234
00:12:22,159 --> 00:12:24,911
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Run. Oh. Sorry, excuse me.
235
00:12:24,912 --> 00:12:26,329
That one is mine.
236
00:12:26,330 --> 00:12:28,706
Anything that is green is for Matthew.
Green for Greenlights.
237
00:12:28,707 --> 00:12:30,458
I color code it like you do for a toddler.
238
00:12:30,459 --> 00:12:31,876
I don't need to know your process.
239
00:12:31,877 --> 00:12:34,045
Why don't you walk
your bouncy little tuchus somewhere
240
00:12:34,046 --> 00:12:35,713
and get me a room-temperature Sprite.
241
00:12:35,714 --> 00:12:37,840
And could you please check the thermostat?
242
00:12:37,841 --> 00:12:40,051
Must be, like, 78 degrees in here.
243
00:12:40,052 --> 00:12:41,720
I'm freezing!
244
00:12:43,180 --> 00:12:45,681
Which is why, respectfully,
245
00:12:45,682 --> 00:12:50,978
I think you're falling into
a classic anxious-avoidance
246
00:12:50,979 --> 00:12:53,731
- attachment-style trap, Olive.
- Yes.
247
00:12:53,732 --> 00:12:56,943
Respectfully, I think
the only trap that I fell into
248
00:12:56,944 --> 00:13:01,072
was believing that my partner was DMing
a skanky astrology micro-influencer
249
00:13:01,073 --> 00:13:03,741
named G-string Gemini for her "insights."
250
00:13:03,742 --> 00:13:06,327
Jupiter was transiting
my seventh house, baby.
251
00:13:06,328 --> 00:13:08,496
I know that doesn't mean anything
to you, but it does to me.
252
00:13:08,497 --> 00:13:11,082
And the only reason that I DMed her
was for spiritual guidance.
253
00:13:11,083 --> 00:13:14,377
But before I had the chance to explain
myself, you had ghosted me. There was...
254
00:13:14,378 --> 00:13:16,128
- Brian, you know what ghosting means?
- Yes.
255
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:20,716
I know "rizz" and "based"
and "6-7" and "brat summer" and--
256
00:13:20,717 --> 00:13:23,553
- Wow. That stuff's all kinda old now.
- Hey, are we close?
257
00:13:23,554 --> 00:13:25,639
Can we have a moment please, Brian?
258
00:13:27,057 --> 00:13:30,768
All right. Which one says
"proud Texan with pink eye"?
259
00:13:30,769 --> 00:13:32,979
I can't believe I fucked up your big day.
260
00:13:32,980 --> 00:13:34,522
- I'm so sorry.
- Don't sweat it.
261
00:13:34,523 --> 00:13:36,399
I was pissed at you at the beginning.
262
00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:39,944
I mean, did I have a dog you
gave me swallowing your sewage,
263
00:13:39,945 --> 00:13:43,322
licking me in the eye,
giving me pink eye in my bingo card?
264
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:45,157
No, I did not. But that's done.
265
00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:47,285
This is where I thrive, man.
Play it where it lies.
266
00:13:47,286 --> 00:13:48,369
I got this. We're good.
267
00:13:48,370 --> 00:13:52,666
It's almost like when life throws darts at
you, they don't stick unless you let 'em.
268
00:13:56,837 --> 00:14:00,923
You know what I was thinking about the
other day? True Detective, episode four.
269
00:14:00,924 --> 00:14:03,801
- "Who Goes There?"
- A six-minute, ten-second tracking shot.
270
00:14:03,802 --> 00:14:05,344
One take, no edits.
271
00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:07,638
We rehearsed that thing for months.
272
00:14:07,639 --> 00:14:11,142
We're live, about to shoot. It's
3:00 in the morning, hotter than hell,
273
00:14:11,143 --> 00:14:15,980
200 people on the crew have to be
in perfect synchronicity for this to work.
274
00:14:15,981 --> 00:14:18,566
I'm like, "Dude, I don't know
how we're gonna pull this off."
275
00:14:18,567 --> 00:14:21,402
"Actually, Wood.
I don't know how I'm gonna pull it off."
276
00:14:21,403 --> 00:14:24,948
And do you remember what you said to me?
277
00:14:26,658 --> 00:14:28,076
"I am your lighthouse."
278
00:14:29,328 --> 00:14:31,370
"I'm your lighthouse."
279
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:35,292
Right? So I'm not fretting anything
that could go on out there today.
280
00:14:35,918 --> 00:14:38,044
'Cause if I do happen to get
into any kind of pinch,
281
00:14:38,045 --> 00:14:40,047
all I gotta do is look to you-know-who.
282
00:14:42,299 --> 00:14:44,217
My lighthouse. Love you, brother.
283
00:14:44,218 --> 00:14:45,219
Love you, brother.
284
00:14:46,637 --> 00:14:47,970
How's the sleepover going?
285
00:14:47,971 --> 00:14:49,765
It's your mom. You want some pizza rolls?
286
00:14:50,849 --> 00:14:53,267
Bolo ties. Amazing.
I'm obsessed. I love it.
287
00:14:53,268 --> 00:14:55,019
- No bolo.
- Let's not do bolo. I hate it.
288
00:14:55,020 --> 00:14:57,021
I hate the look.
Did you wanna do any more prep?
289
00:14:57,022 --> 00:14:58,982
No. I'm ready to rock and roll here.
290
00:14:59,483 --> 00:15:00,566
- They ready out there?
- Great.
291
00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:02,860
Everybody's movin' and groovin'.
The spirits are high,
292
00:15:02,861 --> 00:15:06,030
the vibes are immaculate, people are
screaming and dancing and laughing.
293
00:15:06,031 --> 00:15:09,075
There's just one small issue.
It's not even an issue.
294
00:15:09,076 --> 00:15:10,159
It's just a thing.
295
00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:13,080
Brian Williams is missing.
296
00:15:15,499 --> 00:15:17,834
What do you mean he's missing?
297
00:15:17,835 --> 00:15:18,919
He could be dead.
298
00:15:22,506 --> 00:15:24,298
Yes, I should not be sleeping
with a night-light.
299
00:15:24,299 --> 00:15:25,716
I'm too old and I will own that.
300
00:15:25,717 --> 00:15:27,803
But, baby, and I say this
with only love in my heart...
301
00:15:29,012 --> 00:15:31,764
But you have a serious intimacy problem.
Remember the paint and sip club?
302
00:15:31,765 --> 00:15:33,766
- Yes, I do. What about it?
- Remember? You loved those gals.
303
00:15:33,767 --> 00:15:36,269
They were your best friends for six weeks
until one of them invited you
304
00:15:36,270 --> 00:15:39,272
on that girls trip and you got super
annoyed that they all chewed too loud.
305
00:15:39,273 --> 00:15:41,274
- Yeah, 'cause that's--
- So annoyed, in fact,
306
00:15:41,275 --> 00:15:44,318
that rather than have a conversation, you
called it quits on the club altogether.
307
00:15:44,319 --> 00:15:45,903
That's what you do, baby. You run.
308
00:15:45,904 --> 00:15:47,697
Do you see
what I'm dealing with here, Brian?
309
00:15:47,698 --> 00:15:50,616
- Hey, does anyone have service here?
- Please admit Brian's right.
310
00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:52,994
Just admit you have an
anxious-avoidant attachment style.
311
00:15:52,995 --> 00:15:54,161
You are impossible!
312
00:15:54,162 --> 00:15:58,916
I am getting claustrophobic
and I'd like to get out of this car.
313
00:15:58,917 --> 00:16:02,336
- Are the child locks on?
- Read the fucking room, Brian!
314
00:16:02,337 --> 00:16:05,007
I'm sorry I cursed, but fuck.
Come on, man.
315
00:16:08,677 --> 00:16:12,305
Where the hell is Brian Williams?
He was supposed to be here 40 minutes ago.
316
00:16:12,306 --> 00:16:13,890
Who does he think he is? Geraldo?
317
00:16:13,891 --> 00:16:15,100
And I need another Sprite.
318
00:16:15,976 --> 00:16:21,189
Hey, hey. Who knows more
in the world about Matthew than I do?
319
00:16:21,190 --> 00:16:23,649
- I should do this interview.
- No.
320
00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:26,485
- Absolutely not.
- It'd pull all the focus off me, Mom.
321
00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:28,738
- Not a good idea.
- I'm not gonna argue with that.
322
00:16:28,739 --> 00:16:31,200
I mean, I can't shut this off.
323
00:16:32,242 --> 00:16:33,326
Wait, wait.
324
00:16:33,327 --> 00:16:35,119
Dad, Oprah.
325
00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:36,621
You know Oprah?
326
00:16:36,622 --> 00:16:38,040
Not like, personally.
327
00:16:38,624 --> 00:16:39,958
So you're just saying names then?
328
00:16:41,502 --> 00:16:43,169
- Yes.
- What about Hilary Duff?
329
00:16:43,170 --> 00:16:44,880
- Maybe she wants to--
- No, no. I got it.
330
00:16:45,464 --> 00:16:47,173
- What about Dax Shepy?
- Shepy who?
331
00:16:47,174 --> 00:16:48,716
- Dax Shepard.
- Yeah.
332
00:16:48,717 --> 00:16:51,010
I was just on his podcast last week.
333
00:16:51,011 --> 00:16:54,096
The guy's smart, he's popular,
he speaks to my demographic.
334
00:16:54,097 --> 00:16:58,726
And I believe he said he was in town
this week shooting a Samsung ad.
335
00:16:58,727 --> 00:17:01,896
- No, baby. I don't...
- No, no. Dax Shepard. That is good.
336
00:17:01,897 --> 00:17:03,689
- That could actually work.
- I'll call him.
337
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:06,983
You know what?
I like the Oprah idea, Wyatt.
338
00:17:06,984 --> 00:17:08,861
And I'll get a hold of Gayle.
339
00:17:08,862 --> 00:17:12,073
But I just think we all need
to start thinking collectively
340
00:17:12,074 --> 00:17:14,158
about feathering the brakes
341
00:17:14,159 --> 00:17:17,078
and just taking a breath.
This is not happening today.
342
00:17:17,079 --> 00:17:18,913
- Woody.
- And by the way,
343
00:17:18,914 --> 00:17:20,414
Brian Williams might resurface.
344
00:17:20,415 --> 00:17:22,415
- He better.
- I'm sure whoever's keeping him...
345
00:17:22,416 --> 00:17:24,252
He's safe and hydrated.
346
00:17:25,462 --> 00:17:26,879
Yeah. I agree with Woody.
347
00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:28,923
- No, no, no. We're not pushing.
- No, we're not.
348
00:17:28,924 --> 00:17:31,175
Dax is in. Will be here within the hour.
349
00:17:31,176 --> 00:17:32,260
Yes.
350
00:17:32,261 --> 00:17:34,011
I'm gonna go do a power meditation.
351
00:17:34,012 --> 00:17:35,930
You know who is gonna love this?
352
00:17:35,931 --> 00:17:37,348
My nephew, Petey.
353
00:17:37,349 --> 00:17:38,766
Dax is his hall pass.
354
00:17:38,767 --> 00:17:41,310
Hey, hey, Petey. It's Aunt P.
355
00:17:41,311 --> 00:17:42,687
- Guess what?
- Well, at least we tried.
356
00:17:42,688 --> 00:17:45,232
Should I call off the kidnapping?
357
00:17:47,609 --> 00:17:48,986
I'm sorry, what?
358
00:17:50,904 --> 00:17:52,281
Now you want us to bring him back?
359
00:17:52,823 --> 00:17:55,868
Okay. Well, it's gonna take a while. Bye.
360
00:17:57,536 --> 00:17:59,912
Turn around.
We're going back to the ranch.
361
00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:03,249
Wait. Wha... Back to where we were going?
362
00:18:03,250 --> 00:18:04,877
Am I being trafficked?
363
00:18:08,505 --> 00:18:10,424
It's more of a kidnapping.
364
00:18:11,717 --> 00:18:12,800
Yeah.
365
00:18:12,801 --> 00:18:16,346
It's, like, a... temporary detainment maybe.
366
00:18:17,181 --> 00:18:19,057
I just think trafficking is
a bit dramatic.
367
00:18:21,727 --> 00:18:24,478
Oh, no. That flag. Turn it around
so all the stars are facing this way.
368
00:18:24,479 --> 00:18:26,732
- Perry. Perry.
- Yeah. What is it?
369
00:18:27,441 --> 00:18:28,983
I don't care what these clowns say.
370
00:18:28,984 --> 00:18:32,153
I'm not about to have my son
go on national television
371
00:18:32,154 --> 00:18:34,614
with an asshole
where his eyeball should be.
372
00:18:34,615 --> 00:18:36,199
I'm talking to you mother to mother.
373
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:38,743
You are the only one around here
who's making any fucking sense.
374
00:18:38,744 --> 00:18:40,494
It's nice to speak to a grown-up.
375
00:18:40,495 --> 00:18:41,913
- Well, I...
- Yeah, let me have this.
376
00:18:41,914 --> 00:18:44,540
Okay, switch those cards there. Yeah.
Put Matthew in the tan chair.
377
00:18:44,541 --> 00:18:45,542
All right.
378
00:18:55,594 --> 00:18:56,595
Dude.
379
00:18:57,804 --> 00:19:00,098
- I miss hair.
- Can y'all give me a second?
380
00:19:02,518 --> 00:19:06,188
All right, buddy. Could you remind me
one more time why the hell I'm doing this?
381
00:19:06,855 --> 00:19:08,648
Matthew, I do not believe
382
00:19:08,649 --> 00:19:12,777
in institutions in general
or organized government specifically.
383
00:19:12,778 --> 00:19:16,447
In fact, I have advocated
for their elimination.
384
00:19:16,448 --> 00:19:21,285
But I believe you will make the greatest
governor this state has ever known.
385
00:19:21,286 --> 00:19:23,579
- That's my man.
- Dax Shepard is here.
386
00:19:23,580 --> 00:19:25,165
No autographs, no selfies.
387
00:19:25,666 --> 00:19:26,749
All right, baby.
388
00:19:26,750 --> 00:19:29,461
Game time. Ding-ding.
389
00:19:30,712 --> 00:19:35,216
Hey, you get lost out there,
just look over this way.
390
00:19:35,217 --> 00:19:36,677
And find my lighthouse.
391
00:19:38,178 --> 00:19:40,305
- Good luck, Governor.
- Press record.
392
00:19:45,352 --> 00:19:49,063
He has a really dimply smile that he uses
when he's talking about infrastructure...
393
00:19:49,064 --> 00:19:52,149
- Dax attack. My man. Dude!
- Woody, what's up, dude?
394
00:19:52,150 --> 00:19:54,819
- Good. Oh, my God.
- Good to see ya.
395
00:19:54,820 --> 00:19:56,654
What's happening? Is that you on the bus?
396
00:19:56,655 --> 00:19:58,322
- Yeah. We're all living on a bus.
- Wow.
397
00:19:58,323 --> 00:20:01,075
- Financial, everything's good?
- Yeah, yeah.
398
00:20:01,076 --> 00:20:03,119
Got a dog named Little Woody, you know?
399
00:20:03,120 --> 00:20:06,247
I'm singing-songwriting under a pseudonym.
No complaints.
400
00:20:06,248 --> 00:20:08,499
- Okay. Yeah.
- I mean, but who'd listen, right?
401
00:20:08,500 --> 00:20:10,752
- But... he's ready, I think.
- You could.
402
00:20:12,129 --> 00:20:13,629
- Look at this handsome dude.
- Hey.
403
00:20:13,630 --> 00:20:15,673
- How are ya?
- Thank you for doing this.
404
00:20:15,674 --> 00:20:17,300
- Yeah.
- What's happening? You get poked?
405
00:20:17,301 --> 00:20:19,302
I got a little pink eye. Yeah.
406
00:20:19,303 --> 00:20:20,721
Good thing we hugged.
407
00:20:21,638 --> 00:20:23,140
Materials.
408
00:20:30,314 --> 00:20:31,899
Okay, going live.
409
00:20:33,317 --> 00:20:36,652
- Matthew, my friend. Good to see you.
- Thank you for being here, bud.
410
00:20:36,653 --> 00:20:38,070
You're a man of many talents.
411
00:20:38,071 --> 00:20:42,617
You're an Oscar winner,
you have twice written a bestseller.
412
00:20:42,618 --> 00:20:43,993
- Actually, three. Yeah.
- Three?
413
00:20:43,994 --> 00:20:48,289
- And you're a visiting professor at UT?
- Yeah, I created two classes over there.
414
00:20:48,290 --> 00:20:51,667
Incredible. I think we could do
an hour on any one of those topics,
415
00:20:51,668 --> 00:20:53,377
but alas, that's not why we're here today.
416
00:20:53,378 --> 00:20:55,296
You have a new gig
you wanna tell everyone about?
417
00:20:55,297 --> 00:21:00,009
Yes, sir. I am honored today
and humbled to announce
418
00:21:00,010 --> 00:21:04,680
that I am running
for governor of the great state of Texas.
419
00:21:04,681 --> 00:21:08,392
Whoa.
From Wooderson to gubernatorial candidate.
420
00:21:08,393 --> 00:21:10,102
I'm a fifth-generation Texan.
421
00:21:10,103 --> 00:21:13,231
I know where the state's been, I know
where it is, I know where it's going.
422
00:21:13,232 --> 00:21:17,151
I know that the good people of Texas,
they want good jobs.
423
00:21:17,152 --> 00:21:18,694
They want safe schools for the children.
424
00:21:18,695 --> 00:21:21,781
They want responsible law and order,
and most importantly,
425
00:21:21,782 --> 00:21:24,116
they want a governor that they can trust.
426
00:21:24,117 --> 00:21:26,994
And that's exactly
what I want to give you.
427
00:21:26,995 --> 00:21:28,079
Nailed it.
428
00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:30,998
Now, when you and I have talked over
the years, you've often framed
429
00:21:30,999 --> 00:21:35,962
your Texas story as really a story
between you and your dad, Big Mac.
430
00:21:35,963 --> 00:21:37,381
He was Texas.
431
00:21:38,215 --> 00:21:44,847
And I consider myself and
somewhat see myself as the son of Texas.
432
00:21:46,348 --> 00:21:51,519
Yeah, so given that, I can
only imagine what your reaction was
433
00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:55,983
when you found out that Big Mac
wasn't your biological father.
434
00:21:57,192 --> 00:21:58,317
What did he just say?
435
00:21:58,318 --> 00:22:01,238
That's something that you
just recently found out?
436
00:22:02,406 --> 00:22:05,116
What are you talking about?
437
00:22:05,117 --> 00:22:07,286
The DNA test they gave me.
438
00:22:10,789 --> 00:22:13,958
I mean, first you're finding out
that about your father,
439
00:22:13,959 --> 00:22:18,588
but then to learn, on top of all that,
that you and your best friend,
440
00:22:18,589 --> 00:22:20,047
Woody Harrelson,
441
00:22:20,048 --> 00:22:25,179
actually share a biological father.
That had to be mind-blowing, no?
442
00:22:31,977 --> 00:22:33,937
Can we cut... Can we cut for a second?
443
00:22:48,785 --> 00:22:49,912
What's happening?
444
00:22:58,378 --> 00:23:01,048
What... What is this? Is this real?
445
00:23:01,924 --> 00:23:05,468
Dude. I'm just finding out about this too.
446
00:23:05,469 --> 00:23:07,720
- But you knew about it.
- No, I didn't know.
447
00:23:07,721 --> 00:23:10,097
But, Woody, there's your name
right there on the analysis.
448
00:23:10,098 --> 00:23:12,141
I wanted to talk to you about this,
449
00:23:12,142 --> 00:23:15,103
but I didn't want to talk to
you until I was absolutely--
450
00:23:16,230 --> 00:23:18,065
- Dad?
- Fucking lighthouse?
451
00:23:19,441 --> 00:23:20,442
Babe, are you okay?
452
00:23:31,787 --> 00:23:34,456
- Okay.
- Matthew.
453
00:23:36,834 --> 00:23:37,835
My eye.
454
00:23:38,585 --> 00:23:39,586
Bam!