1 00:00:17,893 --> 00:00:19,520 Whenever you guys are ready. 2 00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:23,898 - You ready now? - Are you waiting for us? 3 00:00:23,899 --> 00:00:26,317 - No, we've been ready. - Okay, just tell us when. 4 00:00:26,318 --> 00:00:28,319 - Oh, my God. - We're on the edge of your seats, so… 5 00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:30,613 - Are you just saying that? - No. 6 00:00:30,614 --> 00:00:32,491 Three, two, one. 7 00:00:33,283 --> 00:00:34,493 What am I looking at? 8 00:00:36,411 --> 00:00:37,663 Hello, sir. 9 00:00:38,330 --> 00:00:39,914 - Wow. - Hey, hey, hey. 10 00:00:39,915 --> 00:00:41,416 - Wait for the best part. - Hey, hey, hey. 11 00:00:43,961 --> 00:00:45,379 That's the best part? 12 00:00:47,422 --> 00:00:50,383 I didn't know an article of clothing could make me seasick. 13 00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:51,926 Eight-month lead-time. 14 00:00:51,927 --> 00:00:55,096 The seamstress in Phuket spoke less English than I speak Thai, 15 00:00:55,097 --> 00:00:56,597 and yet look at the workmanship. 16 00:00:56,598 --> 00:00:58,224 - First class. - I can't even look at it. 17 00:00:58,225 --> 00:00:59,475 I have, like, hysterical blindness. 18 00:00:59,476 --> 00:01:01,060 It's mostly upsetting, 19 00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:05,064 but maybe kinda sweet that you two got each other Valentine's Day gifts. 20 00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:06,607 So sweet. 21 00:01:06,608 --> 00:01:08,485 - Can't wait to see what you got us. - Yeah. 22 00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:15,741 Fucking Valentine's Day, bro. 23 00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:17,076 - Fuck me. - Fuck me. 24 00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:19,745 Dude, I thought Valentine's Day was in November. When did they move it? 25 00:01:19,746 --> 00:01:22,582 No, no, no, they didn't move it, and I didn't get Val shit. 26 00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:23,916 - We're good. We're actors. - Okay. 27 00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:25,168 - We'll improvise. Come on. - Yeah. 28 00:01:25,169 --> 00:01:28,296 One time, I got Joy a Tonya Harding cameo. 29 00:01:28,297 --> 00:01:31,007 - She like that? - She loved it, man. 30 00:01:31,008 --> 00:01:33,176 Woody, I don't think that's gonna fly with Val, man. 31 00:01:33,177 --> 00:01:36,721 I usually lean towards sentimental. I serenade her or something. 32 00:01:36,722 --> 00:01:40,433 You're Mr. Romantic 364 days out of the year. 33 00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:42,018 She expects that. 34 00:01:42,019 --> 00:01:44,854 - Go a different direction. Yeah. - Yeah. Maybe funny. Humor. 35 00:01:44,855 --> 00:01:47,232 Laughter is the ultimate aphrodisiac. 36 00:01:48,192 --> 00:01:49,609 I'm betting on you. Bye. 37 00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:52,362 That's why Seinfeld's the sexiest man alive. 38 00:01:56,408 --> 00:01:57,576 Serenade. 39 00:01:58,452 --> 00:01:59,453 Thank you. 40 00:02:41,119 --> 00:02:43,037 - Hey, Olive. - What? 41 00:02:43,038 --> 00:02:45,122 Let's go see if the DNA test is here 42 00:02:45,123 --> 00:02:47,459 - before the old bat wakes up. - Fine. 43 00:02:48,544 --> 00:02:50,254 How's my little girl doing? 44 00:02:50,796 --> 00:02:55,467 I feel mad, I feel sad, I feel alone, lonely. 45 00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:58,095 It's a rainbow of emotions over here. 46 00:02:59,638 --> 00:03:03,891 Ever see one of those trees that loses all its leaves, 47 00:03:03,892 --> 00:03:06,769 but still stands there like it owns the freaking forest? 48 00:03:06,770 --> 00:03:07,854 That's you. 49 00:03:07,855 --> 00:03:11,775 No leaves, cold wind, sad as hell, 50 00:03:12,484 --> 00:03:14,945 but spring's a-comin'. 51 00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:18,198 Thanks, Dad. 52 00:03:18,991 --> 00:03:20,993 That was actually incredibly sweet. 53 00:03:22,077 --> 00:03:24,912 I don't want anyone making my little girl feel like this. 54 00:03:24,913 --> 00:03:27,290 So, if you want me to send some goons over 55 00:03:27,291 --> 00:03:29,625 to have a little talk with Jimmy, 56 00:03:29,626 --> 00:03:31,210 I know some guys. 57 00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:32,212 Good guys. 58 00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:34,797 Bad guys. 59 00:03:34,798 --> 00:03:35,799 Good goons. 60 00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:37,717 You remember Yuri? 61 00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:40,387 He was excellent at cornhole, I… 62 00:03:42,097 --> 00:03:43,473 Hey, Roger! 63 00:03:44,349 --> 00:03:45,808 Fuck me. 64 00:03:45,809 --> 00:03:46,893 Hey, Woody. 65 00:03:46,894 --> 00:03:48,227 How you doing, brother? 66 00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:50,229 - I'm pretty good, man. - Great, great. 67 00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:52,064 Are you sure this is everything? 68 00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:53,232 'Cause I can't say more, 69 00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:55,902 but my daughter and I have been expecting something to arrive 70 00:03:55,903 --> 00:03:57,028 and it's kinda important. 71 00:03:57,029 --> 00:03:59,572 No, I'm holding on to a few pieces. 72 00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:02,910 Every day, I pick five things I choose not to deliver. 73 00:04:03,994 --> 00:04:05,494 You got me. 74 00:04:05,495 --> 00:04:08,664 Well, I'm just saying, you could probably fetch a pretty penny 75 00:04:08,665 --> 00:04:11,293 for some Woody Harrelson mail on the black market. 76 00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:13,629 Okay. 77 00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:16,130 - Good seeing you, Woody. - Yeah. Yeah. 78 00:04:17,341 --> 00:04:19,218 You gotta get that mail delivered. 79 00:04:20,219 --> 00:04:21,637 - Hey. - What? 80 00:04:22,304 --> 00:04:23,305 What about Roger? 81 00:04:24,306 --> 00:04:25,557 - No. - Too soon. 82 00:04:26,058 --> 00:04:27,141 Is it too soon? 83 00:04:27,142 --> 00:04:29,352 - Yes. God, come on, just… - Okay. Yeah, just… 84 00:04:29,353 --> 00:04:31,187 How long does it take to get over Jimmy? 85 00:04:31,188 --> 00:04:33,481 You know, he's like 11 eggs short of a dozen. 86 00:04:33,482 --> 00:04:35,108 - Dad! - Sorry. 87 00:04:36,068 --> 00:04:40,530 Happy Valentine's Day to my Valentina. 88 00:04:40,531 --> 00:04:43,699 Happy Valentine's Day to you. 89 00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:46,827 Fresh flowers, fresh fruit, and fresh-squeezed orange juice 90 00:04:46,828 --> 00:04:48,956 - for you. - Fresh-squeezed? 91 00:04:49,665 --> 00:04:50,748 Hundred percent. 92 00:04:50,749 --> 00:04:52,417 Says so on the box. 93 00:04:53,544 --> 00:04:54,670 Okay. 94 00:04:55,587 --> 00:04:56,672 - Me first? - You first. 95 00:04:57,297 --> 00:05:00,342 What did you do? 96 00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:04,388 Wow. 97 00:05:04,972 --> 00:05:05,973 It's our first date. 98 00:05:08,559 --> 00:05:09,810 You kept the napkin? 99 00:05:10,435 --> 00:05:13,564 I knew that first night it was something I wanted to remember forever. 100 00:05:15,566 --> 00:05:17,609 That's an incredibly thoughtful gift, Val. 101 00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:20,153 Mine. 102 00:05:24,366 --> 00:05:26,409 - Yep. Uh-huh. - Yeah. 103 00:05:26,410 --> 00:05:28,578 All right. No, no, no, no. 104 00:05:28,579 --> 00:05:29,871 Don't want to get ahead of you. 105 00:05:29,872 --> 00:05:32,832 I just want to let you know, I didn't go quite as sentimental as you… 106 00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:34,543 - You? - …like. 107 00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:42,092 I see what you did there. 108 00:05:43,886 --> 00:05:45,637 No, that's… That's it. 109 00:05:46,388 --> 00:05:47,389 It's… 110 00:05:50,309 --> 00:05:53,437 "Keep chasing Greenlights." 111 00:05:54,605 --> 00:05:55,647 Do you… 112 00:05:56,815 --> 00:05:59,401 - Wildflower - Do you hear that? 113 00:06:00,152 --> 00:06:04,488 Ooh, wildflower 114 00:06:04,489 --> 00:06:06,824 You're my wildflower, baby 115 00:06:06,825 --> 00:06:09,076 Wanna press you to my lips 116 00:06:09,077 --> 00:06:10,286 Come on 117 00:06:10,287 --> 00:06:13,332 - What is this? - That's a great fucking question. 118 00:06:13,916 --> 00:06:16,125 It's the song he wrote for me when we first fell in love. 119 00:06:16,126 --> 00:06:18,503 - Woman, when I can't resist you - Wow. 120 00:06:18,504 --> 00:06:20,129 Come on 121 00:06:20,130 --> 00:06:23,966 Wildflower, ooh, wildflower 122 00:06:23,967 --> 00:06:27,262 You are the cosmic door 123 00:06:28,472 --> 00:06:31,934 To the galaxies we will explore 124 00:06:33,644 --> 00:06:36,729 And I just want to give you more 125 00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:41,192 I want to make you come on Come on, come on, come on 126 00:06:41,193 --> 00:06:45,029 Wildflower, ooh, wildflower 127 00:06:45,030 --> 00:06:46,614 Wow. 128 00:06:46,615 --> 00:06:48,324 Where did Woody get all these dirty children? 129 00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:50,618 Come on, kids. Give her those flowers. 130 00:06:50,619 --> 00:06:53,663 Is this the greatest Valentine's Day gift ever? 131 00:06:53,664 --> 00:06:56,582 I think it is. They picked all these flowers themselves. 132 00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:58,626 - Oh, my goodness. - Yeah. Right out of my garden. 133 00:06:58,627 --> 00:07:00,503 - Great job, kids. - Amazing job. 134 00:07:00,504 --> 00:07:01,671 What do you guys think? 135 00:07:01,672 --> 00:07:04,340 You are one serenading son of a gun, Wood. 136 00:07:04,341 --> 00:07:06,676 - What'd you get for Val? - He got me this. 137 00:07:06,677 --> 00:07:09,595 Kinda went light and easy, sense of humor this year. 138 00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:11,514 Yeah, we went with humor this year. 139 00:07:11,515 --> 00:07:13,266 - "Keep chasing Greenlights." - It's so funny. 140 00:07:13,267 --> 00:07:15,726 - I think I must love you more. - Stop. 141 00:07:15,727 --> 00:07:17,812 I don't know. What do you love more, buddy? 142 00:07:17,813 --> 00:07:19,939 Your wife? Or jacking with your buddy, McConaughey? 143 00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:21,941 Both things can be true, brother. 144 00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:23,109 Now what does that mean? 145 00:07:23,110 --> 00:07:25,152 - What? - Wait, what does that mean? 146 00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:27,573 No, I'm sa… I mean, if… I mean… 147 00:07:28,323 --> 00:07:29,657 - Wait. - No, no, I'm saying-- 148 00:07:29,658 --> 00:07:32,952 Are you saying that you did all of this just to make Matthew look bad? 149 00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:34,161 Negative. 150 00:07:34,162 --> 00:07:36,831 - Woody. Oh, God. - There was an opportunity to do that, 151 00:07:36,832 --> 00:07:38,958 but that is such a tiny part of it. 152 00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:40,043 Honey? 153 00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:44,214 Always room for two in the doghouse, buddy. 154 00:07:45,424 --> 00:07:46,425 Thanks. 155 00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:48,177 Happy Valentine's Day. 156 00:07:50,429 --> 00:07:54,307 So, any plans for the Valentine's Day with Wyatt? 157 00:07:54,308 --> 00:07:56,810 - Keep your voice down. - I hope you hear this, Wyatt. 158 00:07:59,396 --> 00:08:00,898 Hey. Happy Valentine's Day, Kai. 159 00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,528 And a happy Valentine's Day to you too, Olive. 160 00:08:07,196 --> 00:08:08,362 I know today can't be easy. 161 00:08:08,363 --> 00:08:12,158 But as Lord Byron once said, "The heart will break but broken live on." 162 00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:14,619 - Hey, girls. Happy Valentine's Day. - Hey. Happy V Day, Dad. 163 00:08:14,620 --> 00:08:15,828 Not yet for me. 164 00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:18,415 Listen, buddy, I… I need your help. 165 00:08:19,208 --> 00:08:21,209 - What's up? - I need you to go to the jewelry store. 166 00:08:21,210 --> 00:08:24,754 Get your mom some earrings or a necklace. Something gold. 167 00:08:24,755 --> 00:08:27,590 And take Kai with you so you can get a good female opinion. All right? 168 00:08:27,591 --> 00:08:30,052 - Great. Sounds good. - Hey. Speaking of… 169 00:08:31,386 --> 00:08:32,386 How are you two doing? 170 00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:36,139 How did you know? 171 00:08:36,140 --> 00:08:37,476 I'm your dad, man. 172 00:08:38,059 --> 00:08:43,023 Today being Valentine's Day, it's a perfect day for you to make a move. 173 00:08:44,399 --> 00:08:46,485 Love you. 174 00:08:50,656 --> 00:08:53,824 Love, love, love, love. 175 00:08:53,825 --> 00:08:58,330 Love a couple of Aperol Spritzes for my ladies. 176 00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:00,040 Hey, hey. 177 00:09:02,251 --> 00:09:03,794 - You okay? - Yeah, it's just… 178 00:09:04,419 --> 00:09:07,339 I thought you said it was Aperol Spritz, not carbonated camel piss. 179 00:09:08,173 --> 00:09:09,257 Woody made them. 180 00:09:09,258 --> 00:09:11,551 So Woody's just doing everything today? 181 00:09:11,552 --> 00:09:14,971 Yeah. I'm doing everything I can for my little Valentine. 182 00:09:14,972 --> 00:09:16,306 Cut the shit, Woodrow. 183 00:09:17,516 --> 00:09:20,477 Starting now, what can we do to make it up to you? 184 00:09:22,187 --> 00:09:24,397 I mean, I don't even know. 185 00:09:24,398 --> 00:09:27,316 I guess, maybe a home-cooked meal might help? 186 00:09:27,317 --> 00:09:29,694 You could get ahold of your chef and we could… 187 00:09:29,695 --> 00:09:30,862 - We could do that. - Just make… 188 00:09:30,863 --> 00:09:34,949 It would be much more romantic if you and Matthew actually made dinner for us. 189 00:09:34,950 --> 00:09:36,284 - Us? - No, no, no, we got this. 190 00:09:36,285 --> 00:09:38,035 - Anything you want. - Surprise us. 191 00:09:38,036 --> 00:09:39,120 Let's suit up. 192 00:09:39,121 --> 00:09:41,123 - Yeah. Yeah. - Please don't suit up. 193 00:09:53,343 --> 00:09:54,928 - Thanks. - Thank you. 194 00:09:57,556 --> 00:09:59,724 That Uber driver had, like, a smell that I, like, 195 00:09:59,725 --> 00:10:01,642 personally, have just never smelled before. 196 00:10:01,643 --> 00:10:06,230 Like, I don't know, like, boiled feet and eggs, or corn, or something? 197 00:10:06,231 --> 00:10:07,732 What is wrong with you right now? 198 00:10:07,733 --> 00:10:09,651 You haven't said anything in, like, 20 minutes. 199 00:10:10,819 --> 00:10:12,361 - What are you doing? - What do you mean? 200 00:10:12,362 --> 00:10:13,863 What are you doing? You just hit me in the nose. 201 00:10:13,864 --> 00:10:17,408 You just came at me. Oh, my God, that was so weird. 202 00:10:17,409 --> 00:10:18,784 No, no, that was not weird. 203 00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:20,077 I was just making a move. 204 00:10:20,078 --> 00:10:21,537 On the dirty fucking street corner? 205 00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:22,622 Yeah. 206 00:10:22,623 --> 00:10:24,832 Look, whatever. I'm just gonna walk to the jewelry store. 207 00:10:24,833 --> 00:10:27,001 You can follow me, or I can call you an Uber. 208 00:10:27,002 --> 00:10:29,212 - Just walk, Wyatt. - I'm trying. 209 00:10:29,213 --> 00:10:30,671 I can't see through the tears. 210 00:10:30,672 --> 00:10:32,423 - Are you coming with me? - Yeah, yeah. 211 00:10:32,424 --> 00:10:34,551 But I'm keeping a safe distance, okay? 212 00:10:35,344 --> 00:10:37,763 Just walk, walk, we're in the middle of the street. Jesus. 213 00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:40,974 Dude, I am so fucked up. 214 00:10:42,267 --> 00:10:45,019 Why'd you let me blaze in the car, man? 215 00:10:45,020 --> 00:10:48,982 - You're not supposed to shop stoned. - How we doing, ladies? 216 00:10:49,775 --> 00:10:51,275 Jesus, dude. 217 00:10:51,276 --> 00:10:53,611 I can't remember what Joy's favorite foods are. 218 00:10:53,612 --> 00:10:59,700 I literally have no memory of Joy ever actually eating anything. 219 00:10:59,701 --> 00:11:01,285 I mean, has she put anything in her mouth? 220 00:11:01,286 --> 00:11:03,037 I'm not sure what Val's favorite foods are either. 221 00:11:03,038 --> 00:11:05,081 I know what they are, it's just that they always change, 222 00:11:05,082 --> 00:11:07,041 - or, like, Keto phase. - Hey, can I get a pic? 223 00:11:07,042 --> 00:11:08,167 Come here, bud. 224 00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:09,418 Paleo phase. 225 00:11:09,419 --> 00:11:11,587 There we go. Mediterranean phase. 226 00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:13,965 Fuck it, dude. Let's just put everything in here. 227 00:11:13,966 --> 00:11:15,466 - Everything. - Cilantro. 228 00:11:15,467 --> 00:11:17,468 - Rice goes a long way. - Okay, little bit of… 229 00:11:17,469 --> 00:11:19,178 - Amino acids, come on, baby. - Maybe that. 230 00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:20,263 Pasta's here. 231 00:11:20,264 --> 00:11:21,639 - That covers a lot of ground. - Pasta. 232 00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:23,182 Yeah, pastas. 233 00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:24,642 We got the grain. 234 00:11:24,643 --> 00:11:25,977 Hang on. Who we got here? 235 00:11:25,978 --> 00:11:27,728 Yeah! 236 00:11:27,729 --> 00:11:30,273 Hey, babe. We're just about to check out. 237 00:11:30,274 --> 00:11:31,900 Matthew, did you lose your wallet? 238 00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:36,279 My wallet? 239 00:11:36,280 --> 00:11:37,947 Yeah, I got a call from the jewelry store. 240 00:11:37,948 --> 00:11:40,075 They said that some kid was trying to use your card. 241 00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:43,871 That. Yeah, you know what? I think I did leave it down there. 242 00:11:44,580 --> 00:11:46,998 Glad somebody found it. I'll take care of this. 243 00:11:46,999 --> 00:11:49,375 No, no, no, it's already taken care of. The cops are there. 244 00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:51,669 I just… I have to deal with the credit card company now. 245 00:11:51,670 --> 00:11:54,464 - Cops are there? - Yeah, they arrested the guy. 246 00:11:55,591 --> 00:11:56,884 Fuck. 247 00:12:00,846 --> 00:12:02,847 - Val, it's Wyatt. - I'm sorry, what? 248 00:12:02,848 --> 00:12:07,351 Yep. Yep. I gave him my credit card to go down to the jewelry store. 249 00:12:07,352 --> 00:12:09,270 Why would you do that? He has horrible taste. 250 00:12:09,271 --> 00:12:11,272 We're gonna swing by right now, and we'll go… 251 00:12:11,273 --> 00:12:12,732 We'll go handle it, okay? No big deal. 252 00:12:12,733 --> 00:12:14,193 - Just go. - Yep, yep, yep. 253 00:12:15,110 --> 00:12:16,612 Fuck the food. Let's go. 254 00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:21,116 Wood, this way! 255 00:12:25,996 --> 00:12:27,622 Dad! Matthew! 256 00:12:27,623 --> 00:12:29,707 You gotta come quick. Wyatt's getting arrested. 257 00:12:29,708 --> 00:12:31,460 It's all right. We're here now. 258 00:12:32,711 --> 00:12:35,004 You know, Wyatt wouldn't last a day in prison. 259 00:12:35,005 --> 00:12:37,507 Pretty boy like that? They'll go to fucking town on him. 260 00:12:37,508 --> 00:12:39,133 I'm talking train on train on train. 261 00:12:39,134 --> 00:12:40,677 Choo-choo, motherfucker. You know what I mean? 262 00:12:41,512 --> 00:12:42,970 No need for cuffs, sir. 263 00:12:42,971 --> 00:12:46,432 No, this has got to be a misunderstanding. This is my son, Wyatt. 264 00:12:46,433 --> 00:12:49,101 He was assisting me with a romantic gesture 265 00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:51,729 gone awry on my behalf, his dad. 266 00:12:51,730 --> 00:12:53,898 Local Austinite and Texan, Matthew McConaughey. 267 00:12:53,899 --> 00:12:55,734 I need you to step back, sir. 268 00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:57,778 What, is that blood on your nose? 269 00:12:58,862 --> 00:13:01,239 - You roughing up my son? - Dude, you roughed up a… 270 00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:03,491 - All right. I said get back! - No, no, no. I-- 271 00:13:03,492 --> 00:13:04,576 Get back! 272 00:13:07,329 --> 00:13:09,080 - Dad. Dad, it's a prank. - Bullshit. What? 273 00:13:09,081 --> 00:13:10,331 Dad, it's a prank. It's… 274 00:13:10,332 --> 00:13:12,250 - Mom set the whole thing up. - It's okay. 275 00:13:12,251 --> 00:13:14,085 - Yeah. It's true. - It's a prank? 276 00:13:14,086 --> 00:13:16,337 I know your wife from the fundraiser. 277 00:13:16,338 --> 00:13:17,880 The toy drive at Christmas 278 00:13:17,881 --> 00:13:19,799 - that she does with the cops? - Yeah. 279 00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:21,801 - Is it Valentine's Day or April Fools'? - That's you? 280 00:13:21,802 --> 00:13:24,388 So, you're telling me that Val set this up? 281 00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:29,101 I don't know, I feel bad. That's mean. 282 00:13:29,643 --> 00:13:30,726 It is not mean, 283 00:13:30,727 --> 00:13:32,687 - it's exactly what they deserve. - That's so… 284 00:13:32,688 --> 00:13:34,021 And we should've gone further. 285 00:13:34,022 --> 00:13:36,607 Like, you should've told them to send their dirtiest cop 286 00:13:36,608 --> 00:13:39,360 and then when they show up, the cop is just pummeling Wyatt. 287 00:13:39,361 --> 00:13:40,404 Wait, what? 288 00:13:41,113 --> 00:13:43,197 What if when the guys come home with groceries, 289 00:13:43,198 --> 00:13:46,158 you get Matthew to put cilantro in everything? 290 00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:48,661 I'm allergic to cilantro, my throat slams shut, 291 00:13:48,662 --> 00:13:51,164 they have to take me to the hospital. "I don't make it." 292 00:13:52,624 --> 00:13:53,709 Like, you die? 293 00:13:55,210 --> 00:13:57,504 Joy, you are sick. 294 00:13:58,005 --> 00:13:59,006 It'll be so good. 295 00:14:01,008 --> 00:14:02,091 How about this? 296 00:14:02,092 --> 00:14:05,136 - We buy them a trip to Singapore… - Yeah. 297 00:14:05,137 --> 00:14:07,889 …and then we put just little bit 298 00:14:07,890 --> 00:14:10,309 - of cocaine in their luggage. - Cocaine in there. 299 00:14:11,143 --> 00:14:13,060 Boy, you might lose more than your arm doing that. 300 00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:15,021 I think they'll laugh about it later. 301 00:14:15,022 --> 00:14:16,064 Yeah. 302 00:14:17,399 --> 00:14:18,649 How about that? 303 00:14:18,650 --> 00:14:20,985 - You think that's for us? - Part of the prank? 304 00:14:20,986 --> 00:14:22,111 If I know my wife, 305 00:14:22,112 --> 00:14:24,906 - we are in for hell of a long day. - Come on, man. 306 00:14:24,907 --> 00:14:27,491 They already did the cop thing. You think they're doubling down on it? 307 00:14:27,492 --> 00:14:29,494 Mom didn't mention this. 308 00:14:29,995 --> 00:14:32,080 Pull over for the padre. 309 00:14:34,833 --> 00:14:36,668 All right. See his dismount. 310 00:14:37,753 --> 00:14:39,086 Look at that walk. 311 00:14:39,087 --> 00:14:40,755 - He means business. - Yeah. He means business. 312 00:14:40,756 --> 00:14:41,757 I think he's just a cop. 313 00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:46,177 I hope he took some improv classes so at least this can be entertaining. 314 00:14:46,178 --> 00:14:48,138 Sir, any idea why I pulled you over? 315 00:14:48,722 --> 00:14:53,184 Well, maybe because you've been talking to our wives? 316 00:14:53,185 --> 00:14:55,187 We've been more than talking to yours. 317 00:14:57,105 --> 00:14:58,606 You ran a stop sign back there. 318 00:14:58,607 --> 00:15:00,900 - I didn't run a stop sign. - Yeah? 319 00:15:00,901 --> 00:15:04,153 I rolled through a red octagon that, once I rolled through it, 320 00:15:04,154 --> 00:15:06,156 - turned green. - Green light. 321 00:15:06,823 --> 00:15:08,408 All right, out of the car. Let's go. 322 00:15:10,118 --> 00:15:11,537 What's with the getup, boys? 323 00:15:12,287 --> 00:15:15,122 A couple of Valentine's gifts we gave to each other. 324 00:15:15,123 --> 00:15:18,168 You guys are really committed to this bit. Bravo to you. 325 00:15:19,461 --> 00:15:20,712 Quite the stash you've got here. 326 00:15:22,130 --> 00:15:23,715 Possession isn't a joke, fellas. 327 00:15:24,341 --> 00:15:25,633 Well, this isn't good. 328 00:15:25,634 --> 00:15:27,260 You know what? I love a good prank, 329 00:15:27,261 --> 00:15:31,764 but Matthew and I gotta get home and find out what these wives are up to. 330 00:15:31,765 --> 00:15:33,891 We do. Hey, thank y'all. Great job. 331 00:15:33,892 --> 00:15:35,309 Better than officer Nick did as well. 332 00:15:35,310 --> 00:15:37,144 - I need you to stop right there. - Really well done. 333 00:15:37,145 --> 00:15:39,146 - Stop, stop! Stand down! - Yeah. Stop or I'll shoot. 334 00:15:39,147 --> 00:15:41,315 - Stand down! - Stand down! 335 00:15:41,316 --> 00:15:42,441 We better call for backup. 336 00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:44,151 814 to dispatch. Start additional units. 337 00:15:44,152 --> 00:15:46,362 Dispatch? How many cops do you think Val hired? 338 00:15:46,363 --> 00:15:48,781 Subject is being uncooperative and combative. 339 00:15:48,782 --> 00:15:49,950 This feels pretty real. 340 00:15:50,993 --> 00:15:52,785 Wyatt, this part of your mom's deal? 341 00:15:52,786 --> 00:15:54,829 - I don't think so. - I don't think so either. 342 00:15:54,830 --> 00:15:57,332 All right, partner. I think we might've just overplayed our hand. 343 00:15:58,333 --> 00:15:59,667 Hey, I come in peace. 344 00:15:59,668 --> 00:16:01,627 - There's been a misunderstanding. - Take it easy. Stop. 345 00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:04,046 - Just wanna let you know that… - Hands where I can see 'em. I said stop. 346 00:16:04,047 --> 00:16:05,131 No, no, no! 347 00:16:05,132 --> 00:16:06,216 - No, no, no! - Stand down. 348 00:16:09,928 --> 00:16:11,387 Should we do something? 349 00:16:11,388 --> 00:16:12,389 They seem fine. 350 00:16:16,018 --> 00:16:18,769 Do you accept a collect call from Travis County jail? 351 00:16:18,770 --> 00:16:19,979 It's a collect call. 352 00:16:19,980 --> 00:16:20,981 Yes. 353 00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:23,442 - Hey, Val. - Matthew, are you all right? 354 00:16:24,151 --> 00:16:25,276 I've been better, sweetie. 355 00:16:25,277 --> 00:16:27,486 Listen, we had a little run-in with the cops. 356 00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:30,531 Woody got tased. I got pepper-sprayed in the face. 357 00:16:30,532 --> 00:16:31,949 - What? - Not his face. 358 00:16:31,950 --> 00:16:33,368 I need you to come down here and bail us out. 359 00:16:34,203 --> 00:16:35,870 Yeah, yeah. I mean, I-- 360 00:16:35,871 --> 00:16:37,538 Tell me you're not that naive. 361 00:16:37,539 --> 00:16:39,207 Matthew, hey, Joy here. 362 00:16:39,208 --> 00:16:43,002 Yeah, we will be right down just as soon as we finish making ourselves dinner. 363 00:16:43,003 --> 00:16:44,295 No, no, no. Hey, Joy. 364 00:16:44,296 --> 00:16:45,963 Hey, Joy, this is not a prank. 365 00:16:45,964 --> 00:16:48,842 If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try a-- 366 00:16:50,469 --> 00:16:51,719 It's not a prank, right? 367 00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:54,097 You need to get back in your cell now, Mr. McConaughey. 368 00:16:55,182 --> 00:16:57,225 Hey, thanks for the ride home, Officer Linda. 369 00:16:57,226 --> 00:17:00,562 I've never been in a cop car before, so this is like a genuine thrill for me. 370 00:17:02,523 --> 00:17:04,524 Okay, she does not want to engage. 371 00:17:04,525 --> 00:17:08,779 Or probably just pissed 'cause she's alone on Valentine's Day, but… 372 00:17:10,071 --> 00:17:12,365 I'm really sorry about earlier. 373 00:17:12,366 --> 00:17:14,325 You're sorry? I punched you. 374 00:17:14,326 --> 00:17:17,496 Yeah. I don't think my timing was the best. 375 00:17:20,082 --> 00:17:22,459 I think that maybe I misread signs. 376 00:17:23,085 --> 00:17:24,962 I just don't have that much experience. 377 00:17:27,506 --> 00:17:28,674 Neither do I. 378 00:17:29,299 --> 00:17:32,844 I mean… I mean, honestly, that's probably why I clocked you, I was just nervous. 379 00:17:32,845 --> 00:17:34,011 Really? 380 00:17:34,012 --> 00:17:35,137 Yeah. 381 00:17:35,138 --> 00:17:37,807 I mean, you look like you have a ton of experience. 382 00:17:37,808 --> 00:17:39,226 Want me to punch you again? 383 00:17:40,102 --> 00:17:42,521 I… I meant it as a compliment. 384 00:17:43,689 --> 00:17:46,357 You just… You seem so confident. 385 00:17:46,358 --> 00:17:47,567 Well, I am. 386 00:17:47,568 --> 00:17:49,111 About some things. 387 00:17:49,945 --> 00:17:51,071 Just not, like… 388 00:17:52,281 --> 00:17:54,074 normal teenage stuff. 389 00:17:54,741 --> 00:17:58,828 I only see you, like, once a year and you're… 390 00:17:58,829 --> 00:18:00,330 you're kind of my best friend. 391 00:18:05,586 --> 00:18:07,253 You're my best friend too. 392 00:18:07,254 --> 00:18:10,716 And I see lots of people all the time. 393 00:18:18,265 --> 00:18:19,558 - Fuck. - Are you okay? 394 00:18:21,351 --> 00:18:23,436 Sorry. A lot of traffic. 395 00:18:23,437 --> 00:18:25,439 You know, Valentine's Day. 396 00:18:28,317 --> 00:18:32,570 Come on, Nick. Hey… You know what happened, man. 397 00:18:32,571 --> 00:18:35,323 Y'all pranked us then we assumed that the prank was still going. 398 00:18:35,324 --> 00:18:36,908 That the game was still flowing, man. 399 00:18:36,909 --> 00:18:39,744 Yeah, I get that, but I'm not the one that booked you. 400 00:18:39,745 --> 00:18:41,580 - Look at them. - Hey! 401 00:18:42,915 --> 00:18:44,582 - Hallelujah! - There they are! 402 00:18:44,583 --> 00:18:47,001 - We are saved. - Are you serious, Nick? 403 00:18:47,002 --> 00:18:48,336 I had nothing to do with this. 404 00:18:48,337 --> 00:18:50,463 Any way we can increase their bail? 405 00:18:50,464 --> 00:18:52,840 He really got tased. This is real pepper spray in my eyes. 406 00:18:52,841 --> 00:18:53,966 That toilet doesn't flush. 407 00:18:53,967 --> 00:18:55,968 Yeah, you know what? I appreciate the commitment, 408 00:18:55,969 --> 00:18:58,804 but at least your coffee shop costumes took a little effort. 409 00:18:58,805 --> 00:19:00,264 This is a little disappointing. 410 00:19:00,265 --> 00:19:01,599 This is as real as it gets. 411 00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:03,768 Let me know when you're done with this whole comedy bit. 412 00:19:03,769 --> 00:19:05,311 - Hey, hey, hey. - We're not playing around. 413 00:19:05,312 --> 00:19:08,189 - This is not a joke. Honey. - Val. Val! 414 00:19:08,190 --> 00:19:10,858 - Hey, we're not joking. Honey. - We're not kidding, all right? You… 415 00:19:10,859 --> 00:19:12,069 Hey! 416 00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:17,532 - Hey. Sorry. - Hey. 417 00:19:17,533 --> 00:19:18,950 I was just… I was gonna bring you this, 418 00:19:18,951 --> 00:19:20,368 - but you already got… - No, no. I mean, 419 00:19:20,369 --> 00:19:21,954 I have one, but it melted, so… 420 00:19:23,705 --> 00:19:25,499 Okay. Here you go. 421 00:19:26,458 --> 00:19:28,751 - Are you still in pain or… - Are you? 422 00:19:28,752 --> 00:19:31,629 No, but I can taste pennies in the back of my throat. 423 00:19:31,630 --> 00:19:34,383 Sick. My lip hurts like a bitch. 424 00:19:35,509 --> 00:19:37,135 - Don't be a baby. - I'm not a baby. 425 00:19:37,928 --> 00:19:39,763 Okay. You're sleeping with a teddy bear. 426 00:19:40,305 --> 00:19:41,682 That came with the bus. 427 00:19:42,683 --> 00:19:45,017 Yeah? Well, who is this little guy anyway? 428 00:19:45,018 --> 00:19:46,352 - Well, it's not mine… - Let's see. 429 00:19:46,353 --> 00:19:47,895 …but if you hurt him, I'll fucking kill you. 430 00:19:47,896 --> 00:19:49,397 - Stop. - I'm gonna-- Just don't touch it. 431 00:19:49,398 --> 00:19:51,066 - I'm like… - What's this? What's this? 432 00:19:53,777 --> 00:19:55,529 Is this the acorn I gave you? 433 00:19:57,656 --> 00:19:58,823 No. 434 00:19:58,824 --> 00:20:00,575 No, that's nothing. 435 00:20:00,576 --> 00:20:01,577 That's… 436 00:20:02,661 --> 00:20:07,248 That's just a completely unrelated acorn with no sentimental value at all 437 00:20:07,249 --> 00:20:08,916 that I just… 438 00:20:08,917 --> 00:20:12,504 that I just keep around for no reason. 439 00:20:27,186 --> 00:20:28,436 Sorry. 440 00:20:28,437 --> 00:20:30,438 Sorry, I'll work on the other side. 441 00:20:30,439 --> 00:20:31,690 This is work to you? 442 00:20:32,274 --> 00:20:33,275 Shut up. 443 00:20:40,073 --> 00:20:41,700 - Dude, I still got another call. - Mmm. 444 00:20:42,201 --> 00:20:45,621 I could call Willie or Owen. They've bailed me out lots of times. 445 00:20:46,246 --> 00:20:47,623 Why didn't you ever call me? 446 00:20:48,248 --> 00:20:50,000 - Matthew, let's not do this right now. - All right. 447 00:20:52,294 --> 00:20:55,463 Well, well, well. Look who we've got here. 448 00:20:55,464 --> 00:20:57,256 - Joe Rogan? - No, no. Even better. 449 00:20:57,257 --> 00:20:59,008 Happy Valentine's Day, y'all. 450 00:20:59,009 --> 00:21:00,968 Thank God, Gwen. How did you know we're here? 451 00:21:00,969 --> 00:21:03,095 You got any romantic plans tonight? 452 00:21:03,096 --> 00:21:04,722 - Just this. - This may sound crazy, 453 00:21:04,723 --> 00:21:07,016 but there's a guy that I want to set you up with. 454 00:21:07,017 --> 00:21:10,102 He's a mailman, looks great in shorts, loves his country-- 455 00:21:10,103 --> 00:21:11,687 Shut up. You. 456 00:21:11,688 --> 00:21:14,607 - Yes. - I have made the mistake, up until now, 457 00:21:14,608 --> 00:21:16,943 of treating you like People's sexiest man alive. 458 00:21:16,944 --> 00:21:18,945 - 2005. - Shut the fuck up, Harrelson. 459 00:21:18,946 --> 00:21:21,447 You have all the hallmarks of a world-class politician. 460 00:21:21,448 --> 00:21:23,407 - Well, thank you. - Let me finish. 461 00:21:23,408 --> 00:21:27,703 However, your Achilles' heel is that you have been a celebrity for so, so long 462 00:21:27,704 --> 00:21:30,998 that your brain has turned into a big old sloppy pile of goo. 463 00:21:30,999 --> 00:21:34,502 Regular people in the professional world cannot tromps about 464 00:21:34,503 --> 00:21:38,256 with the sleepover energy of two seven-year-old girls in matching pajamas 465 00:21:38,257 --> 00:21:40,342 running from the police and getting pepper-sprayed. 466 00:21:41,009 --> 00:21:42,177 No, I'm following. Yeah. 467 00:21:42,886 --> 00:21:46,389 From now on, you wear what I say, 468 00:21:46,390 --> 00:21:47,890 you say what I say. 469 00:21:47,891 --> 00:21:51,562 And if I say smile, you say, "How dimply?" 470 00:21:52,437 --> 00:21:55,440 - Got it. - Two weeks until we announce. 471 00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:58,986 No more fuck ups. All right? Let's go. 472 00:22:02,990 --> 00:22:05,074 - Only the best from you, Wood. - Look at that pour. 473 00:22:05,075 --> 00:22:06,909 Look at the style on this man. 474 00:22:06,910 --> 00:22:08,870 - My people call it maize. - I married him. 475 00:22:08,871 --> 00:22:11,831 Hey, I'm glad y'all had fun today, but we knew. 476 00:22:11,832 --> 00:22:12,915 - No! - What? 477 00:22:12,916 --> 00:22:14,250 - Yeah. - You did not. 478 00:22:14,251 --> 00:22:16,961 - You wouldn't have won an Oscar for that. - No. 479 00:22:16,962 --> 00:22:18,963 - It was a good one. - A hundred percent had them. 480 00:22:18,964 --> 00:22:21,340 - We had you. Joy and Val won. - We played along. We played along. 481 00:22:21,341 --> 00:22:23,634 - We wanted to play along. - No, we had you. 482 00:22:23,635 --> 00:22:25,761 Where's that music coming from? 483 00:22:25,762 --> 00:22:26,846 Who's that? 484 00:22:26,847 --> 00:22:27,890 You hear this? 485 00:22:30,893 --> 00:22:31,977 What's this? 486 00:22:34,271 --> 00:22:35,439 That's romantic. 487 00:22:42,821 --> 00:22:43,822 Jimmy? 488 00:22:45,824 --> 00:22:47,159 What are you doing here? 489 00:22:48,035 --> 00:22:51,287 It's Say Anything. Remember you always wanted to watch it? 490 00:22:51,288 --> 00:22:55,167 Honestly, this scene is the best part. The rest doesn't hold up super well. 491 00:22:59,004 --> 00:23:01,048 You look so beautiful in the moonlight, baby. 492 00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:06,720 - You know this guy? - That's Olive's ex-fiancé. 493 00:23:07,763 --> 00:23:08,972 Fuck me. 494 00:23:12,309 --> 00:23:13,726 Baby, you coming back? 495 00:23:13,727 --> 00:23:15,062 This boom box is weirdly heavy.