1 00:00:09,308 --> 00:00:12,935 [Matthew] I want to tell you a story. I'm gonna ask you all to close your eyes. 2 00:00:18,676 --> 00:00:21,181 This is your opportunity 3 00:00:21,316 --> 00:00:24,017 to rise from these ashes 4 00:00:24,152 --> 00:00:25,354 and grab glory. 5 00:00:25,490 --> 00:00:27,918 I'm not an actor playing a politician. 6 00:00:28,053 --> 00:00:31,395 I'm a politician who happens to act. 7 00:00:31,531 --> 00:00:33,826 This is our past. This is where we have been. 8 00:00:33,961 --> 00:00:37,202 This is how we got here. This is who we are. 9 00:00:37,337 --> 00:00:39,462 And look, I'm willing to do anything... 10 00:00:39,598 --> 00:00:40,664 [AI voice] ...for Texas. 11 00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:42,835 [host] And the Oscar goes to... 12 00:00:42,971 --> 00:00:48,003 - Matthew McConaughey. - [AI voice] For Governor. 13 00:00:48,138 --> 00:00:51,515 You should win a goddamn Oscar for that video. 14 00:00:51,650 --> 00:00:54,676 [sighs] I have watched that almost two times now and I... 15 00:00:54,811 --> 00:00:56,145 every time I get choked up. 16 00:00:56,281 --> 00:00:57,819 Yeah... 17 00:00:57,954 --> 00:01:00,149 Look it, I-I-I really think we need to pick a lane here. 18 00:01:00,285 --> 00:01:02,291 You know, I mean, you've been talking to me about being 19 00:01:02,427 --> 00:01:05,222 a more serious politician and then, look, 20 00:01:05,357 --> 00:01:06,897 this ain't that. 21 00:01:07,032 --> 00:01:08,300 [Woody] Matthew, if I may... 22 00:01:08,435 --> 00:01:12,535 That video is totally exploitative, AI garbage. 23 00:01:12,671 --> 00:01:15,366 And there's not a single clip of True Detective . 24 00:01:15,501 --> 00:01:18,500 To be fair, Matthew looked insane in True Detective , okay? 25 00:01:18,636 --> 00:01:21,370 He had a stinky little ponytail and it didn't test well with the women. 26 00:01:21,505 --> 00:01:22,709 And I was wrong. 27 00:01:22,844 --> 00:01:23,781 The general public does not care about substance 28 00:01:23,916 --> 00:01:25,040 when it comes to you. 29 00:01:25,176 --> 00:01:26,450 They don't care what comes out of your mouth, 30 00:01:26,585 --> 00:01:29,211 they just want to see that ass in some bike shorts. 31 00:01:29,347 --> 00:01:33,617 - Preach! Let the goddamn people eat! - Yum-yum. 32 00:01:33,752 --> 00:01:37,621 Matthew, your pretty little face... Okay? That's how we're gonna win this. 33 00:01:37,757 --> 00:01:41,600 [stammers] I'm not saying I wanna campaign with a brown paper bag over my head. 34 00:01:41,735 --> 00:01:42,792 What I am saying, 35 00:01:42,928 --> 00:01:44,530 is that I have a handle on the values 36 00:01:44,665 --> 00:01:46,636 that represent the face of Texas. 37 00:01:46,772 --> 00:01:48,604 - [Woody] Mm-hmm. - [Matthew] Like my dad's legacy, 38 00:01:48,740 --> 00:01:52,270 all right? Integrity, morals, faith, hustle, innovation. 39 00:01:52,405 --> 00:01:54,404 Boo! Respectfully, 40 00:01:54,539 --> 00:01:56,880 I wanna fall asleep when you talk about your dad and his legacy. 41 00:01:57,015 --> 00:01:57,947 Hey, watch your step. 42 00:01:58,083 --> 00:01:59,217 Oh, I said "respectfully." 43 00:01:59,352 --> 00:02:00,885 [stammers] I'm not gonna run this campaign 44 00:02:01,020 --> 00:02:02,478 based on my celebrity and fame. 45 00:02:02,614 --> 00:02:03,783 That would be like, 46 00:02:03,918 --> 00:02:04,689 Sydney Sweeney telling her agents she only wants 47 00:02:04,824 --> 00:02:06,383 to do voice work. 48 00:02:06,518 --> 00:02:09,584 Right? I mean, the girl has once-in-a-generation breasts, Matthew. 49 00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:11,488 Look here... [sighs] 50 00:02:11,623 --> 00:02:17,231 ...everything that I've accomplished in my life has been based on passion, 51 00:02:17,366 --> 00:02:19,667 knowledge, grit, and hustle. 52 00:02:19,802 --> 00:02:21,667 New York Times bestseller, three times. 53 00:02:21,803 --> 00:02:23,734 I've got a successful tequila brand, 54 00:02:23,870 --> 00:02:28,270 I'm a visiting professor in two classes that I created at the University of Texas. 55 00:02:28,406 --> 00:02:31,243 Now, was any of that achieved because of my celebrity? 56 00:02:31,378 --> 00:02:34,782 Exactly! That would be like you telling me that the weed dispensary 57 00:02:34,917 --> 00:02:38,384 that I created with, uh, John McEnroe and Bill Maher 58 00:02:38,519 --> 00:02:40,324 is just because I'm famous. 59 00:02:40,460 --> 00:02:43,118 [chuckles] Well, exactly. That's what I'm... 60 00:02:45,860 --> 00:02:47,295 I'm sorry, are you guys fucking with me? 61 00:02:47,430 --> 00:02:48,361 - What part? - What part? 62 00:02:48,497 --> 00:02:50,367 ["Give a Little Bit" playing] 63 00:03:34,443 --> 00:03:36,541 [gasps] It's finally here. 64 00:03:36,677 --> 00:03:39,581 Now, who's the True Detective? 65 00:03:39,716 --> 00:03:42,221 - [grunts] - ["Far From Any Road" plays] 66 00:03:47,925 --> 00:03:49,519 [gasps] 67 00:03:49,655 --> 00:03:51,995 [chuckling] Oh, yes. 68 00:03:52,130 --> 00:03:55,225 [vocalizing] Jackpot. 69 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:56,996 - Okay... - [Val] What are you doing here? 70 00:03:57,132 --> 00:04:00,096 [gasps] Oh, my God. [exhales heavily] You scared me. 71 00:04:00,231 --> 00:04:02,871 [chuckles] And why are you wearing gloves? 72 00:04:03,006 --> 00:04:04,067 Um... 73 00:04:04,202 --> 00:04:06,469 It's for a new TikTok trend. It's super dumb. 74 00:04:06,605 --> 00:04:07,941 Anyway, um... 75 00:04:08,077 --> 00:04:11,248 Matthew said I could borrow some of his... moisturizer. 76 00:04:11,384 --> 00:04:14,612 Oh, no, that's my side. Here's Matthew. 77 00:04:14,747 --> 00:04:16,921 Oh, this is Matthew's sink? 78 00:04:17,057 --> 00:04:19,152 - Yeah. - Oh, no... 79 00:04:19,287 --> 00:04:20,491 I mean... 80 00:04:20,626 --> 00:04:23,594 Wow, it's-it's so immaculate. [inhales sharply] 81 00:04:23,730 --> 00:04:26,491 If he ever committed a crime they'd never find his DNA. 82 00:04:26,627 --> 00:04:30,795 Oh, no, he's like a hairless cat. And I mean, like, everywhere. [chuckles] 83 00:04:30,931 --> 00:04:34,903 Right. [chuckles, inhales sharply] 84 00:04:35,038 --> 00:04:35,964 Fuck! 85 00:04:36,099 --> 00:04:40,607 ♪ Suddenly, Seymour ♪ 86 00:04:40,743 --> 00:04:43,977 ♪ Is standing beside me... ♪ 87 00:04:44,112 --> 00:04:45,480 - Here. Keep up. You're dragging. - [door opens] 88 00:04:45,616 --> 00:04:50,187 ♪ He don't give me orders ♪ 89 00:04:50,322 --> 00:04:55,821 ♪ He don't condescend ♪ 90 00:04:55,956 --> 00:04:58,196 - [Matthew] Yay! - [Woody] Whoo-hoo! 91 00:04:58,332 --> 00:04:59,721 - Look whose little princess... - Yeah! 92 00:04:59,856 --> 00:05:01,490 ...has some pipes! 93 00:05:01,625 --> 00:05:02,728 Nice! 94 00:05:02,864 --> 00:05:05,002 - Bravo! - Please don't patronize me. 95 00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:07,596 That wasn't nearly good enough, and I can't blame it all on the piano. 96 00:05:07,731 --> 00:05:09,166 Okay. Wow. 97 00:05:09,301 --> 00:05:11,174 I'm never gonna get the lead in the school play. 98 00:05:11,309 --> 00:05:13,136 Oh, don't say that, sweetie. 99 00:05:13,271 --> 00:05:15,340 Look, you sound great, just keep working at it. 100 00:05:15,475 --> 00:05:17,140 And if you get the role, you get it, and if you don't, 101 00:05:17,275 --> 00:05:18,917 there's nothing wrong with the ensemble. 102 00:05:19,052 --> 00:05:22,020 Or maybe you could just call my teacher and get me the lead role? 103 00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:25,085 No, maybe I cannot do that. 104 00:05:25,221 --> 00:05:27,985 We don't coast on the McConaughey name in this family, sweetie. 105 00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:29,427 - Mm-hmm. - You know, I mean, look, 106 00:05:29,562 --> 00:05:31,529 we were just talking about this, Clara. 107 00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:34,694 You ready for a little LLL, life learnable lesson? 108 00:05:34,829 --> 00:05:36,528 Your name gets you in some doors, 109 00:05:36,664 --> 00:05:40,099 but after that you gotta earn whatever you get from there on your own. 110 00:05:40,235 --> 00:05:42,464 You got to put in the work, gotta stick to the process, 111 00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:45,670 you gotta trust the validation will come when it's time, okay? 112 00:05:45,805 --> 00:05:47,703 It's called "paying your dues." 113 00:05:47,838 --> 00:05:51,114 I mean, look, you got two pretty great actors at your disposal, 114 00:05:51,249 --> 00:05:53,383 Oscar-winner, Oscar... 115 00:05:53,519 --> 00:05:55,015 What do you call that when you don't? 116 00:05:55,151 --> 00:05:56,115 Nominee. 117 00:05:56,251 --> 00:05:57,512 Nominee. 118 00:05:57,647 --> 00:06:00,148 I know it's hard to tell from River's piano playing, 119 00:06:00,284 --> 00:06:01,488 but it's supposed to be musical. 120 00:06:01,623 --> 00:06:03,554 Yeah, I'm the problem here. 121 00:06:03,689 --> 00:06:05,054 I'm just saying... 122 00:06:05,190 --> 00:06:06,728 It's really all about the singing, 123 00:06:06,863 --> 00:06:08,699 so I doubt you guys could teach me anything. 124 00:06:08,834 --> 00:06:12,800 - [chuckles] Au-to-the-contraire, lady. - Yeah. 125 00:06:12,935 --> 00:06:16,166 We happen to be rather amazing musicians. 126 00:06:16,302 --> 00:06:18,669 - In fact, I think if it weren't... - Yeah. 127 00:06:18,805 --> 00:06:22,136 ...for the acting getting in the way, we probably would've won Grammys. 128 00:06:22,272 --> 00:06:25,584 Right. But this is Little Shop of Horrors , so it's probably not your style. 129 00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:27,851 - Not our style? [chuckles] - Oh, please. [chuckles] 130 00:06:27,986 --> 00:06:28,844 Hey... 131 00:06:28,979 --> 00:06:29,914 Why're you pretending 132 00:06:30,050 --> 00:06:31,381 - to know our style? - Not our style. 133 00:06:31,517 --> 00:06:32,814 - I mean, we don't even know our style. - Right. 134 00:06:32,949 --> 00:06:34,290 We're undefinable. 135 00:06:34,425 --> 00:06:36,160 [Matthew] You gotta hear it. 136 00:06:36,295 --> 00:06:38,153 - ♪ I will never Let you down... ♪ - ♪ Yeah... ♪ 137 00:06:38,288 --> 00:06:40,360 ♪ Never let you down... ♪ 138 00:06:40,495 --> 00:06:42,264 How's the song go? 139 00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:44,533 ♪ My love ♪ 140 00:06:44,669 --> 00:06:46,297 ♪ Will never let you down ♪ 141 00:06:46,432 --> 00:06:49,403 - [vocalizing] - [Matthew] ♪ No, no, no ♪ 142 00:06:49,539 --> 00:06:52,173 ♪ My love ♪ 143 00:06:52,308 --> 00:06:53,510 - ♪ Never let... ♪ - ♪ Never let you... ♪ 144 00:06:53,646 --> 00:06:54,843 Well, good. Keep going. Good. One, two... 145 00:06:54,978 --> 00:06:58,045 You know, I remember when men used to do things. 146 00:06:58,181 --> 00:07:01,385 - I mean, substantial things. - ♪ My love ♪ 147 00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:04,282 ♪ Never let you down... ♪ 148 00:07:04,418 --> 00:07:07,789 - [guitar stops] - ♪ I'll always be around ♪ 149 00:07:11,461 --> 00:07:13,195 Literal rock star. Whoo! 150 00:07:13,331 --> 00:07:16,462 Thank you for sharing. I mean, like, hobbies are super important. 151 00:07:16,597 --> 00:07:18,563 - This was... [stammers] ...an experience. - [Matthew] See? 152 00:07:18,698 --> 00:07:21,972 We've been trying to tell y'all we're a couple of multi-hyphenated, 153 00:07:22,107 --> 00:07:23,270 dual potentials. 154 00:07:23,405 --> 00:07:27,142 [chattering] 155 00:07:27,277 --> 00:07:28,245 Yeah, man. 156 00:07:28,381 --> 00:07:30,279 All right, so what's the plan? 157 00:07:30,415 --> 00:07:36,149 Well, if Matthew and I can put our differences aside on the, uh, sound, 158 00:07:36,284 --> 00:07:39,291 I'm thinking Europe first, build a cult following... 159 00:07:39,426 --> 00:07:41,819 Theaters, and then festival run-- 160 00:07:41,954 --> 00:07:43,493 Okay, what happens up there? 161 00:07:43,629 --> 00:07:45,924 - Dad, I need you to focus. - I am. 162 00:07:46,060 --> 00:07:47,757 I'm talking about Matthew's DNA. 163 00:07:47,892 --> 00:07:50,325 Did you get anything off him while you guys were playing tennis? 164 00:07:50,460 --> 00:07:53,429 Maybe some... some blood? Or sweat? 165 00:07:53,564 --> 00:07:55,601 While playing tennis with the Wilson brothers? 166 00:07:55,737 --> 00:07:57,570 That requires full focus. 167 00:07:57,705 --> 00:08:01,440 Have you seen Owen's ground stroke since he started golfing regularly? 168 00:08:01,575 --> 00:08:04,514 No. And besides, I thought you were on top of the DNA? 169 00:08:04,650 --> 00:08:06,980 Me? I can't be the only detective here. 170 00:08:07,115 --> 00:08:08,978 Plus, everyone just sits on the couch all day. 171 00:08:09,114 --> 00:08:10,814 No one ever leaves this house. 172 00:08:10,950 --> 00:08:14,389 I mean, I can't be a criminal mastermind in these conditions. Okay? 173 00:08:14,525 --> 00:08:16,292 Look, you have to help me. 174 00:08:16,428 --> 00:08:20,021 Okay, so what you need is basically a vacated house for a little while? 175 00:08:20,157 --> 00:08:22,324 - Yes. - Okay. Okay. 176 00:08:22,459 --> 00:08:24,698 - Don't do the... [sighs] - Okay... 177 00:08:24,833 --> 00:08:29,541 Ha. Ha. Oh, bingo, bango, bongo. 178 00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:34,939 Oh, boy, what a beautiful mind you have, Wood. 179 00:08:35,074 --> 00:08:38,983 So, when you go to the audition, you have to be the character on, "Hello." 180 00:08:39,119 --> 00:08:42,011 Directors don't wanna see an actress act like the character, 181 00:08:42,146 --> 00:08:45,289 they wanna meet the actress and go, "Oh, my gosh, she is the character." 182 00:08:45,424 --> 00:08:47,014 - Right? - [phone rings] 183 00:08:47,150 --> 00:08:48,357 Now, let me tell you about the first time I auditioned for Nolan-- 184 00:08:48,492 --> 00:08:49,891 Uh, I gotta take this. 185 00:08:50,026 --> 00:08:52,195 [stammers] When did you get a cell phone? 186 00:08:52,331 --> 00:08:54,030 It's just my burner. 187 00:08:54,166 --> 00:08:56,964 Yep. Thanks for returning my call, Principal Trish. 188 00:08:57,099 --> 00:08:59,833 Man, I am not getting through to this kid. 189 00:08:59,969 --> 00:09:02,072 I have an idea I think could help. 190 00:09:02,207 --> 00:09:05,335 Both because I know we're gonna be the next Sonny and Cher, 191 00:09:05,471 --> 00:09:07,703 and also because it'll teach your daughter 192 00:09:07,838 --> 00:09:10,975 the importance of hard work and not trading off your fame. 193 00:09:11,110 --> 00:09:12,440 - Please. I'm listening. - Okay. 194 00:09:12,576 --> 00:09:17,118 [sighs] I think it's time we booked a gig. 195 00:09:17,253 --> 00:09:19,791 - You think? - I know. Well, think about it. 196 00:09:19,927 --> 00:09:23,754 - Wyatt works at a coffee shop, right? - Ah. Yeah. 197 00:09:23,890 --> 00:09:25,857 That's a perfect venue. 198 00:09:25,992 --> 00:09:31,400 Bob Dylan, Jimi Hendrix, Jason Mraz, got their starts in coffee shops. 199 00:09:31,536 --> 00:09:33,104 We'll be supporting Wyatt 200 00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:35,596 - as well as teaching Clara a lesson... - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 201 00:09:35,732 --> 00:09:37,774 - ...which she clearly needs to learn. - Yeah. 202 00:09:37,909 --> 00:09:39,538 If we go out there as Woody and Matthew, 203 00:09:39,673 --> 00:09:41,679 we're not gonna be getting honest reactions from the public. 204 00:09:41,814 --> 00:09:43,477 - Oh, right. - Right? You know what I mean? 205 00:09:43,612 --> 00:09:46,144 That's in direct opposition of what I'm trying to teach Clara. 206 00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:47,677 - These mugs... - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. 207 00:09:47,812 --> 00:09:49,484 ...you can't turn them off, man. They're beloved. 208 00:09:49,619 --> 00:09:51,586 Leave that part to me. 209 00:09:51,721 --> 00:09:54,593 ["Rhinestone Cowboy" plays] 210 00:10:13,842 --> 00:10:16,714 - Whoo! Whoo. - Whoo! 211 00:10:16,849 --> 00:10:18,307 [Australian accent] How you going, sheilas? 212 00:10:18,443 --> 00:10:20,080 - Oh. - No. No, no, no, no, no. 213 00:10:20,215 --> 00:10:21,585 - You guys look insane. - [Matthew] Yeah, yeah. 214 00:10:21,721 --> 00:10:23,186 - [British accent] Thank you. - Yeah. 215 00:10:23,321 --> 00:10:25,251 - Who did this to you? - [Matthew] Best in the biz, love. 216 00:10:25,386 --> 00:10:27,451 Hooked up with the, uh, team who did the prosthetics 217 00:10:27,587 --> 00:10:30,458 on Tom Cruise in Tropic Thunder . [chuckles] 218 00:10:30,594 --> 00:10:31,825 What-What's the accent? 219 00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:32,925 - Outback. - [Kai] Right. 220 00:10:33,060 --> 00:10:34,599 - Liverpool. - [both] Oh. 221 00:10:34,735 --> 00:10:36,427 [normal voice] I couldn't do the Australian... 222 00:10:36,562 --> 00:10:38,334 Sure. Yeah, but-but you can do the Liverpool. 223 00:10:38,469 --> 00:10:39,427 [Matthew chuckles] 224 00:10:39,563 --> 00:10:40,866 These older men are your friends? 225 00:10:41,002 --> 00:10:42,131 I think you're being groomed. 226 00:10:42,266 --> 00:10:44,001 No, I-I'm not being groomed. 227 00:10:44,136 --> 00:10:47,537 Uh, and oh, I will close here every night this week if you let them perform. 228 00:10:47,672 --> 00:10:50,543 - [sighs] We'll think about it. - [Krystal] Mm-hmm. 229 00:10:50,678 --> 00:10:52,317 Okay. Thank you. 230 00:10:52,452 --> 00:10:54,209 [Clara] Am I being punished? 231 00:10:54,345 --> 00:10:56,678 Why do I have to listen to more of Dad and Uncle Woody's terrible music? 232 00:10:56,813 --> 00:10:59,557 [chuckles] Because your father, in his own, unique way, 233 00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:01,418 is trying to teach you a lesson. 234 00:11:01,554 --> 00:11:03,184 Okay, the McConaugheys do not take shortcuts. 235 00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:04,760 As my mother used to say, 236 00:11:04,896 --> 00:11:07,026 "Shortcuts get you there faster, 237 00:11:07,161 --> 00:11:08,666 but hard work makes it worth it." 238 00:11:08,802 --> 00:11:10,561 But then what's the point of being famous? 239 00:11:10,697 --> 00:11:13,032 Let's just go inside and watch your father's stupid show 240 00:11:13,167 --> 00:11:16,206 and learn the lesson he's teaching you so we can all just move on with our lives. 241 00:11:16,341 --> 00:11:18,572 [Clara] I bet Blue Ivy doesn't have to deal with this crap. 242 00:11:18,707 --> 00:11:20,443 [Kai] Hello, sir. 243 00:11:20,579 --> 00:11:22,474 Oh, well, hello, customer. 244 00:11:22,609 --> 00:11:24,509 - [chuckles] - What can I get you this fine day? 245 00:11:24,645 --> 00:11:27,642 [chuckles] Could I please get a vanilla frappe? 246 00:11:27,777 --> 00:11:29,486 And don't skimp on the vegan whipped cream. 247 00:11:29,621 --> 00:11:31,222 [Wyatt mutters] Yes, ma'am. 248 00:11:31,357 --> 00:11:32,590 That is coming up. 249 00:11:32,726 --> 00:11:36,322 And this is for you, barista boy. 250 00:11:36,458 --> 00:11:38,321 - Wow. Thank you very much, customer. - What? 251 00:11:38,457 --> 00:11:41,699 - Coming up. - Whoa. Fifty bucks? 252 00:11:41,835 --> 00:11:43,862 - You must really like him. - Oh, no. 253 00:11:43,998 --> 00:11:48,401 He's just my friend and the-the tip, it's-it's a joke. I'm pranking him. 254 00:11:48,536 --> 00:11:50,801 - Yeah, that's hilarious. Prank us too. - Yeah. 255 00:11:50,936 --> 00:11:52,707 Cough it up. 256 00:11:52,842 --> 00:11:55,109 ["Far From Any Road" plays] 257 00:12:01,418 --> 00:12:02,721 Okay. 258 00:12:07,986 --> 00:12:11,094 [groans, blows] 259 00:12:11,230 --> 00:12:12,522 [sniffs] 260 00:12:14,190 --> 00:12:15,261 Seriously? 261 00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:19,628 - [line rings] - [sighs] 262 00:12:19,763 --> 00:12:21,599 Roots DNA Testing. This is Brad. 263 00:12:21,735 --> 00:12:24,175 In order to best assist, what is your first name? 264 00:12:24,310 --> 00:12:25,302 It's Olive. 265 00:12:25,438 --> 00:12:27,836 Hi, Olive, and how can I help you? 266 00:12:27,972 --> 00:12:31,306 Hypothetically, if I was looking for someone's DNA, 267 00:12:31,441 --> 00:12:33,944 but I couldn't, like, you know, 268 00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:36,210 ask them for it, 269 00:12:36,346 --> 00:12:37,552 where should I look? 270 00:12:37,687 --> 00:12:38,950 Oh, my God. 271 00:12:39,086 --> 00:12:42,622 Girl, tell me everything. 272 00:12:42,758 --> 00:12:44,988 [Australian accent] Small, cramped, authentic greenroom, mate. 273 00:12:45,124 --> 00:12:46,660 I like it. [groans] 274 00:12:46,795 --> 00:12:48,526 [British accent] Well, the lower we go, the higher we climb. 275 00:12:48,661 --> 00:12:49,934 - From the looks of this place... - Yeah. 276 00:12:50,069 --> 00:12:52,529 ...we're going to the tippy-top of the tippy-top. 277 00:12:52,664 --> 00:12:54,462 - Tippy-top, mate. Yeah. Yeah. - [laughs] 278 00:12:54,597 --> 00:12:55,904 - Oh, hey, guys. - [Matthew] Oi. 279 00:12:56,040 --> 00:12:58,075 Hey, need us on stage, barista boy? 280 00:12:58,211 --> 00:13:01,241 Um, well, I was just getting some decaf beans actually, 281 00:13:01,376 --> 00:13:03,079 but, yeah, you guys are good to go whenever. 282 00:13:03,214 --> 00:13:05,275 Yeah. You hear my heart? Bouncing through my chest. 283 00:13:05,410 --> 00:13:08,017 - [drums beat] - [yells] 284 00:13:08,152 --> 00:13:10,250 - [breathing heavily] - You ready to rock? 285 00:13:13,392 --> 00:13:14,684 Crank it up. 286 00:13:14,820 --> 00:13:18,622 - Let's burn this fucker down! - ...fucker down! Yeah! 287 00:13:18,758 --> 00:13:20,996 - [Matthew] Let's go! - [Woody] Yeah, let's go, baby! 288 00:13:21,132 --> 00:13:22,834 - [Wyatt] Yeah. Yeah! - [Woody grunts] 289 00:13:26,763 --> 00:13:31,004 ♪ 'Cause we are stargazers ♪ 290 00:13:31,139 --> 00:13:33,836 ♪ Neon light chasers ♪ 291 00:13:33,972 --> 00:13:36,976 ♪ Seen more sunrises On my backside ♪ 292 00:13:37,112 --> 00:13:38,346 ♪ Than the front ♪ 293 00:13:38,482 --> 00:13:40,314 [laughs] 294 00:13:40,449 --> 00:13:44,018 ♪ 'Cause we telling you No lies ♪ 295 00:13:44,154 --> 00:13:47,989 ♪ And we're here to testify ♪ 296 00:13:48,125 --> 00:13:50,625 - [music stops] - [patrons chattering] 297 00:13:50,761 --> 00:13:53,355 [both sing indistinctly] 298 00:13:53,490 --> 00:13:56,664 [Wyatt] Oat latte for Jamal. 299 00:13:56,800 --> 00:13:59,201 Oat latte for Jamal. 300 00:13:59,336 --> 00:14:02,039 [normal voice] Dude, nobody's paying attention. 301 00:14:02,174 --> 00:14:03,934 Stick with it, mate. We got this. Keep playing. 302 00:14:04,070 --> 00:14:05,302 Keep playing. 303 00:14:05,437 --> 00:14:08,807 ♪ We are stargazers... ♪ 304 00:14:08,943 --> 00:14:09,879 [patron] What? 305 00:14:10,014 --> 00:14:10,975 ♪ Neon light chasers... ♪ 306 00:14:11,110 --> 00:14:12,912 I can't hear you. 307 00:14:13,048 --> 00:14:14,715 - ♪ Seen more sunrises From the backside ♪ - I can't he... 308 00:14:14,851 --> 00:14:15,883 Let me step outside. 309 00:14:16,019 --> 00:14:17,351 ♪ Than the front ♪ 310 00:14:17,486 --> 00:14:19,680 [patron] No, I told Dad to cancel the appointment. 311 00:14:19,816 --> 00:14:22,155 ♪ They don't like our kind ♪ 312 00:14:22,291 --> 00:14:24,423 ♪ They don't pay our kind... ♪ 313 00:14:24,558 --> 00:14:26,658 I think I'm learning the wrong lesson. 314 00:14:26,794 --> 00:14:29,297 ♪ Stealing our spit To shine their shoes ♪ 315 00:14:29,432 --> 00:14:30,959 [inhales sharply] You know, and then I'm like, 316 00:14:31,095 --> 00:14:33,434 my dad wasn't really there for me when I was growing up, 317 00:14:33,570 --> 00:14:36,634 so, like, why do I care so much about this DNA hunt, you know? 318 00:14:36,770 --> 00:14:38,902 [Brad] Stop. I literally feel like I'm talking 319 00:14:39,038 --> 00:14:42,072 to the girl version of myself right now. It's insane. 320 00:14:42,207 --> 00:14:44,306 - [coworker] Brad! Are you coming? - [inhales sharply] Oh, um... 321 00:14:44,442 --> 00:14:46,209 No, no. You guys go ahead. 322 00:14:46,345 --> 00:14:48,550 Sorry, it's this bitch Dina's birthday and she always wears the dumbest hats. 323 00:14:48,685 --> 00:14:49,651 Keep going. 324 00:14:49,787 --> 00:14:51,220 You know... [sighs] 325 00:14:51,355 --> 00:14:54,753 ...maybe I'm just drawn to, like, unavailable men. 326 00:14:54,888 --> 00:14:56,592 - Maybe. Look, the same thing happened... - [ringing] 327 00:14:56,728 --> 00:14:57,929 ...with my stepdad, Ron. 328 00:14:58,064 --> 00:15:00,460 When he got really into the flat Earth stuff, 329 00:15:00,595 --> 00:15:03,126 I knew that if I wanted to keep a relationship, 330 00:15:03,261 --> 00:15:06,097 I was gonna have to go to some of those bullshit conventions. 331 00:15:06,232 --> 00:15:07,767 But here's the twist. 332 00:15:07,902 --> 00:15:11,709 A lot of what they said at the meetings made a ton of sense. 333 00:15:11,844 --> 00:15:15,440 Look, my AA sponsor has been pushing me to, like, put myself out there more. 334 00:15:15,576 --> 00:15:17,379 Would you wanna grab drinks sometime? 335 00:15:17,515 --> 00:15:19,577 Oh, my God. I was just about to ask you that. 336 00:15:19,712 --> 00:15:23,712 Oh, my God. Okay. I'm gonna, um, DM you. 337 00:15:23,848 --> 00:15:26,621 Expect a message from someone named DJ Ray. 338 00:15:26,756 --> 00:15:30,492 - [phone buzzes] - Oh. Hold on. I'm getting another call. 339 00:15:30,627 --> 00:15:31,820 Hello? 340 00:15:31,955 --> 00:15:33,932 Olive, it's your father on your mother's phone. 341 00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:36,464 - [sighs] - Uh, have you found anything? 342 00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:39,467 I-I don't know how much longer we're gonna be going. 343 00:15:39,603 --> 00:15:41,496 [stammers] We're-We're just getting killed in there. 344 00:15:41,631 --> 00:15:43,506 Okay, why is this all on me? 345 00:15:43,642 --> 00:15:45,603 I'm literally on the phone right now with customer support 346 00:15:45,739 --> 00:15:47,606 because I can't find any of Matthew's DNA. 347 00:15:47,741 --> 00:15:51,044 That man has the body hair of a goddamn banana. 348 00:15:51,179 --> 00:15:52,443 Yeah, why does everyone keep... 349 00:15:52,578 --> 00:15:53,877 You know what? It doesn't matter. 350 00:15:54,013 --> 00:15:56,113 We need to find something that has touched Matthew's body 351 00:15:56,248 --> 00:15:59,623 that hasn't been, like, scrubbed or, like, sterilized. [sighs] 352 00:15:59,759 --> 00:16:01,916 Uh... [stammers] ...just come down here and we'll work it out. 353 00:16:02,052 --> 00:16:05,821 Plus, we're about to start on some ballads. 354 00:16:05,957 --> 00:16:08,499 [sighs] Dad, I'm focusing right now, okay? 355 00:16:08,634 --> 00:16:11,797 Could you just let me get back to it? [inhales sharply] Okay, bye. 356 00:16:11,932 --> 00:16:14,131 Brad? 357 00:16:14,266 --> 00:16:16,964 [inhales, exhales] 358 00:16:17,099 --> 00:16:22,981 Goodbye, Woody, and welcome back, Brutus. 359 00:16:28,082 --> 00:16:31,518 [Australian accent] Hey, listen. It's not our fault. All right? 360 00:16:31,653 --> 00:16:34,285 It's the fucking 4:00 p.m. time slot we got, right? 361 00:16:34,421 --> 00:16:35,526 It's the fucking venue, mate. 362 00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:36,853 Shitty acoustics, 363 00:16:36,988 --> 00:16:39,025 all the chair backs facing the wrong direction, 364 00:16:39,161 --> 00:16:42,432 blenders going off in the background, no room on the fucking dance floor. 365 00:16:42,567 --> 00:16:44,333 [in British accent] And hey, let's talk about the audience. 366 00:16:44,468 --> 00:16:47,995 A bunch of unsophisticated, plebeian lowlifes 367 00:16:48,130 --> 00:16:51,198 who have no appreciation for great music. 368 00:16:51,334 --> 00:16:54,440 Yeah, mate. Hey, at least our families are here, yeah? 369 00:16:54,576 --> 00:16:56,513 Dude, I'm talking about our families. 370 00:16:56,649 --> 00:17:01,052 Twenty bucks if you come inside and clap for the band that's playing! 371 00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:02,977 Am I interrupting anything? Twenty bucks. 372 00:17:03,112 --> 00:17:04,548 Go inside, clap for the band that's playing. 373 00:17:04,683 --> 00:17:06,785 Hey! I see you! Get back in there! 374 00:17:06,920 --> 00:17:11,524 Hey, lady. For 50 bucks, I'll go back inside. 375 00:17:11,659 --> 00:17:13,256 I'm not gonna pay you to support your own son. 376 00:17:13,392 --> 00:17:15,732 Oh, well, suit yourself. 377 00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:16,863 [Matthew] Look, mate, hey. 378 00:17:16,998 --> 00:17:18,598 Every great band 379 00:17:18,733 --> 00:17:20,696 was misunderstood in the beginning. All right? 380 00:17:20,832 --> 00:17:22,868 We just gotta keep punching, mate. 381 00:17:23,003 --> 00:17:24,935 I mean, sure, we could take off our disguises now, 382 00:17:25,071 --> 00:17:27,842 walk in there and get a quick hit of validation, right? 383 00:17:27,978 --> 00:17:28,943 But we'd be ruining 384 00:17:29,078 --> 00:17:30,280 the great life lesson 385 00:17:30,415 --> 00:17:32,582 that we're trying to teach my daughter, Brutus. 386 00:17:32,717 --> 00:17:33,741 Absolutely. 387 00:17:33,876 --> 00:17:35,086 - [Matthew] Right? - Yes. 388 00:17:37,383 --> 00:17:38,852 On the other hand... 389 00:17:38,988 --> 00:17:40,024 I'm listening. 390 00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:43,424 Woody and Matthew, right? [exclaims] 391 00:17:46,024 --> 00:17:48,564 [normal voice] Woody and Matthew, you and me. 392 00:17:48,700 --> 00:17:52,363 Dude, we put blood, sweat and tears into our careers. Right? 393 00:17:52,499 --> 00:17:53,566 [normal] That's a good point. 394 00:17:53,701 --> 00:17:55,236 We earned our scars to get right here today. 395 00:17:55,372 --> 00:17:56,633 - Plenty of scars. Yeah. - [Matthew] Huh? 396 00:17:56,769 --> 00:17:58,100 We don't need to make an excuse. 397 00:17:58,236 --> 00:17:59,738 We don't have to fucking act like it's fucking Halloween 398 00:17:59,874 --> 00:18:01,441 to go in there and prove some fucking point, man. 399 00:18:01,577 --> 00:18:02,874 - I argue this, man. - Yeah. [chuckles] 400 00:18:03,010 --> 00:18:05,108 - I think it'd be a better example... - Right. 401 00:18:05,244 --> 00:18:07,913 ...if you and I go in there as us and show our children 402 00:18:08,048 --> 00:18:12,789 that their dads know how to enjoy the fruits of our labor. 403 00:18:12,924 --> 00:18:14,321 Fuck to the yeah, man! 404 00:18:14,457 --> 00:18:15,917 - You are Matthew McConaughey! - Yeah. 405 00:18:16,053 --> 00:18:17,526 - You are Woody Harrelson! - And I'm-- 406 00:18:17,662 --> 00:18:20,865 Let's just stop covering up the fucking goods, right? 407 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:22,156 We'll give them what God gave us 408 00:18:22,291 --> 00:18:24,425 - right fucking now, brother. - [Woody grunts] 409 00:18:24,560 --> 00:18:29,640 - Hello, Austin! Oh, yeah! [laughs] - Hello, Austin, Texas! 410 00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:31,204 This is Woody Harrelson. 411 00:18:31,339 --> 00:18:32,543 This is Matthew McConaughey. 412 00:18:32,678 --> 00:18:34,004 [Matthew laughs] 413 00:18:34,140 --> 00:18:36,538 Thank you for being here. This song's called "My Love." 414 00:18:36,674 --> 00:18:40,677 We, uh, wrote this on, uh, a little cop show called True Detective . 415 00:18:40,813 --> 00:18:42,252 - [patron whoops] - [vocalizes] 416 00:18:49,562 --> 00:18:51,256 - ♪ Been bound up... ♪ - [patrons applaud] 417 00:18:51,391 --> 00:18:53,961 ♪ Been wound up Could barely Get a sound up... ♪ 418 00:18:54,096 --> 00:18:55,166 [patrons cheering] 419 00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:56,794 Are Wyatt's friends famous or something? 420 00:18:56,929 --> 00:19:01,129 I don't know, but I call dibs on the old one. 421 00:19:01,264 --> 00:19:02,765 - Which one is the old one? - Doesn't matter. 422 00:19:02,901 --> 00:19:09,013 ♪ My love never lets you down ♪ 423 00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:12,308 ♪ I'll always be around ♪ 424 00:19:12,443 --> 00:19:17,952 [cheering] 425 00:19:18,087 --> 00:19:19,987 [Matthew chuckles] 426 00:19:20,123 --> 00:19:22,288 Thank you very much! 427 00:19:22,423 --> 00:19:24,958 That's for you, Clara. [laughs] 428 00:19:25,093 --> 00:19:26,291 [knocks on door] 429 00:19:26,427 --> 00:19:28,124 - Enter. - [door opens] 430 00:19:28,260 --> 00:19:30,197 Hey. 431 00:19:30,332 --> 00:19:31,629 What you doing, Clara Bear? 432 00:19:31,765 --> 00:19:33,297 Just checking the Asian markets. 433 00:19:33,433 --> 00:19:34,630 Speaking of markets, 434 00:19:34,766 --> 00:19:37,001 this is a check that I am, uh, 435 00:19:37,136 --> 00:19:41,807 making out to your school in a very sizable amount. 436 00:19:41,942 --> 00:19:43,707 - Very generous. - Yeah, it's actually a gift. 437 00:19:43,843 --> 00:19:45,516 It's not meant to influence, like, 438 00:19:45,652 --> 00:19:47,384 for instance, whether you get the part in the play or not 439 00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:49,315 because you're gonna get that on your own merit, right? 440 00:19:49,451 --> 00:19:50,885 Can you make this out to cash? 441 00:19:51,020 --> 00:19:51,988 All of it? 442 00:19:52,124 --> 00:19:53,748 Yeah, just cash. Right there. 443 00:19:53,883 --> 00:19:56,085 You do, uh... You do understand 444 00:19:56,220 --> 00:19:58,486 what I'm trying to te-teach you though, right? 445 00:19:58,621 --> 00:19:59,989 Yeah. Cash. 446 00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:04,627 [groans] 447 00:20:04,762 --> 00:20:07,333 I'm sorry today was a bust. 448 00:20:07,468 --> 00:20:09,368 No, it wasn't a total bust. 449 00:20:09,503 --> 00:20:11,302 One of the baristas is, uh, 450 00:20:11,437 --> 00:20:15,507 interning at Sony Music next summer and I got her contact info. 451 00:20:15,642 --> 00:20:19,747 So now, what? You're gonna snip one of Matthew's locks while he's sleeping? 452 00:20:19,883 --> 00:20:23,653 Mmm. 453 00:20:23,788 --> 00:20:24,712 What? 454 00:20:24,848 --> 00:20:28,149 - [hums, laughs] - What? 455 00:20:29,926 --> 00:20:31,761 Open it. 456 00:20:31,896 --> 00:20:32,923 What is it? 457 00:20:37,461 --> 00:20:39,428 Oh. 458 00:20:39,564 --> 00:20:40,598 What is that? 459 00:20:40,734 --> 00:20:44,071 - Remove it carefully. - Ew. 460 00:20:44,206 --> 00:20:50,109 Has anyone ever gotten a DNA sample from a prosthetic nose before? 461 00:20:50,244 --> 00:20:54,616 Okay, I'm legitimately impressed and completely grossed out. 462 00:20:54,752 --> 00:20:57,751 And the lucky thing is he had a slight nosebleed, 463 00:20:57,886 --> 00:21:02,689 so we got the Holy Trinity. Hair, blood, mucus. 464 00:21:02,824 --> 00:21:05,828 - Oh, my God. Good job, man. - Thank you. 465 00:21:05,963 --> 00:21:07,588 I'ma call Brad. 466 00:21:07,723 --> 00:21:08,932 Who's Brad? 467 00:21:09,067 --> 00:21:11,065 Brad. From Roots DNA. 468 00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:12,832 He has no filter. 469 00:21:12,968 --> 00:21:15,398 We're gonna go to Cabo together in a couple of weeks. 470 00:21:15,533 --> 00:21:16,734 Ooh. Okay. 471 00:21:16,870 --> 00:21:19,435 [singsongy] No turning back now. 472 00:21:19,570 --> 00:21:21,939 ["Colors" plays]