1
00:00:17,142 --> 00:00:18,185
[Woody grunts]
2
00:00:18,685 --> 00:00:21,021
- [grunts]
- [gunshot]
3
00:00:21,688 --> 00:00:22,689
[screams]
4
00:00:27,069 --> 00:00:28,654
[birds chirping]
5
00:00:33,575 --> 00:00:34,700
Jesus.
6
00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:37,870
- Ma Mac.
- Well, good morning, Mr. Harrelson.
7
00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:39,205
[Woody] What are you doing here?
8
00:00:39,206 --> 00:00:43,209
Well, I'm just sitting here enjoying
the Lord's first kiss of sunshine.
9
00:00:43,210 --> 00:00:45,628
How'd you sleep, sweet prince?
10
00:00:45,629 --> 00:00:49,423
Not great.
As you might recall, I got shot.
11
00:00:49,424 --> 00:00:51,133
Oh, yeah.
12
00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:53,469
Well, I'm sorry you didn't get
your beauty rest.
13
00:00:53,470 --> 00:00:57,181
We got some nice
Apple Cinnamon Cheerios in there.
14
00:00:57,182 --> 00:00:59,058
Want me to rustle you up a bowl?
15
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:00,852
So you're not still mad about last night?
16
00:01:00,853 --> 00:01:04,480
[Ma Mac] Oh,
I'm still absolutely furious with you.
17
00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:08,526
My insides are steaming
like a crawfish boil.
18
00:01:08,527 --> 00:01:11,446
But you know, I'm not worried
because I got a solution.
19
00:01:12,364 --> 00:01:13,698
Which is?
20
00:01:13,699 --> 00:01:18,369
I'm gonna get your patchouli stanking ass
kicked out of here
21
00:01:18,370 --> 00:01:20,454
before you cause any more trouble.
22
00:01:20,455 --> 00:01:24,584
You think that you've seen
the last of those geriatric assassins?
23
00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:27,920
They're gonna be coming here for you.
And I can't have that.
24
00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:30,756
You need to be long gone.
25
00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:32,843
You crossed a line, Harrelson.
26
00:01:34,052 --> 00:01:38,682
And once you cross that line,
there's no coming back.
27
00:01:39,266 --> 00:01:40,434
[grunts]
28
00:01:41,727 --> 00:01:43,103
French toast stick?
29
00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:45,814
["Give a Little Bit" playing]
30
00:02:25,312 --> 00:02:28,273
Well, today we're heading out there,
into the world, where the people are.
31
00:02:28,857 --> 00:02:30,024
- Okay, little mermaid?
- Yeah.
32
00:02:30,025 --> 00:02:32,026
And because we haven't announced
that you're running yet,
33
00:02:32,027 --> 00:02:34,695
you know, today's like
a dress rehearsal, all right?
34
00:02:34,696 --> 00:02:36,531
And I know you actors love a challenge,
35
00:02:36,532 --> 00:02:39,116
so think of it like you are preparing
for the role of a lifetime.
36
00:02:39,117 --> 00:02:42,621
You're playing Matthew McConaughey
if he was a normal person.
37
00:02:43,372 --> 00:02:45,206
Easy. 'Cause I am a normal person.
38
00:02:45,207 --> 00:02:47,959
[laughs] You're so funny.
39
00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:49,460
Is your wife laughing, like, 24-7?
40
00:02:49,461 --> 00:02:50,754
[chuckles]
41
00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:53,339
["Long Tall Texan" playing]
42
00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:54,841
Hey.
43
00:02:54,842 --> 00:02:57,553
[chattering]
44
00:03:00,764 --> 00:03:02,849
- Hey, how are you?
- Nice to meet you all.
45
00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:04,350
- Come on, now.
- Whoo!
46
00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:06,561
[chattering continues]
47
00:03:06,562 --> 00:03:08,188
Vanilla. And you like?
48
00:03:09,106 --> 00:03:10,481
- [laughs]
- Yeah.
49
00:03:10,482 --> 00:03:12,692
[song continues]
50
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:15,028
[chattering continues]
51
00:03:19,575 --> 00:03:21,284
- How are we doing, bud?
- Good.
52
00:03:21,285 --> 00:03:23,661
Hey, Matthew.
Do you want to hold my baby boys?
53
00:03:23,662 --> 00:03:25,413
[laughs] Yeah, yeah.
54
00:03:25,414 --> 00:03:26,957
[chattering]
55
00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:30,293
[chuckles] He wants mama back. All right.
56
00:03:30,294 --> 00:03:32,212
[song continues]
57
00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:35,256
- [all chattering]
- Hey, McConaughey!
58
00:03:35,257 --> 00:03:36,966
- Hey!
- You got a joint?
59
00:03:36,967 --> 00:03:39,385
[laughs] Be a lot cooler if you did.
60
00:03:39,386 --> 00:03:40,470
[all laugh]
61
00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:45,057
Hey. How you doing?
62
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:46,642
- How are you doing?
- Good to see you.
63
00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:48,270
[chattering]
64
00:03:51,273 --> 00:03:52,399
Mmm.
65
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:55,943
[chattering]
66
00:03:55,944 --> 00:03:57,570
- And we give them structure...
- [Gwen] Boys.
67
00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:59,447
- Oh, oh, oh. I got my...
- [Gwen] Say barbecue.
68
00:03:59,448 --> 00:04:00,865
- Barbecue.
- [laughs] Awesome.
69
00:04:00,866 --> 00:04:02,575
- Got 'em all?
- Nice.
70
00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:04,202
- [song ends]
- [groans]
71
00:04:04,203 --> 00:04:07,330
[Joy] Hey, babe.
Who have you been giving my number out to?
72
00:04:07,331 --> 00:04:10,917
I keep getting these calls
from grizzly old men
73
00:04:10,918 --> 00:04:12,835
just talking about you and your father,
74
00:04:12,836 --> 00:04:15,254
and phone books, and smaller phone books.
75
00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:16,338
This is my business phone.
76
00:04:16,339 --> 00:04:18,508
If you want a silly phone for all
the people you meet on your travels,
77
00:04:18,509 --> 00:04:19,717
then we'll get you your own.
78
00:04:19,718 --> 00:04:22,178
- [phone buzzing]
- [Joy] Oh, my God. They're calling again.
79
00:04:22,179 --> 00:04:23,304
Okay, honey.
80
00:04:23,305 --> 00:04:25,097
- Listen to me. Oh, fuck... [grunts]
- Oh, Jesus.
81
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:26,141
[grunts]
82
00:04:26,892 --> 00:04:28,559
I shot up too quick.
83
00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:30,353
- All right.
- These are bad dudes,
84
00:04:30,354 --> 00:04:33,564
and, uh, I-I want them to think
that I'm far, far away from here,
85
00:04:33,565 --> 00:04:35,066
so just answer the phone, "Aloha."
86
00:04:35,067 --> 00:04:37,318
- No, you answer the phone.
- Uh, no, you answer it.
87
00:04:37,319 --> 00:04:38,819
You answer the phone!
They're your friends.
88
00:04:38,820 --> 00:04:39,946
They are not my friends.
89
00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:41,531
- Answer it. Oh, my God.
- They wanna kill me!
90
00:04:41,532 --> 00:04:43,115
- Just answer it.
- All right.
91
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:44,659
Hello-ha.
92
00:04:44,660 --> 00:04:46,536
- Aloha.
- [imitates bird]
93
00:04:46,537 --> 00:04:48,204
I'm sorry. I can't hear you right now.
94
00:04:48,205 --> 00:04:49,747
- Red-ringed parakeet.
- There's... There's...
95
00:04:49,748 --> 00:04:51,999
- Red-winged parakeet.
- Red-ringed.
96
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:54,210
Red-ringed parakeet.
Very loud, annoying bird.
97
00:04:54,211 --> 00:04:56,379
- Indigenous to Hawaii.
- Indigenous to Hawaii.
98
00:04:56,380 --> 00:04:58,130
- [imitates bird]
- [person] Woody Harrel...
99
00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:00,633
Mm-hmm. Oh, no, Woody can't come
to the phone right now.
100
00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:02,886
Uh, he's swimming.
101
00:05:03,512 --> 00:05:08,307
Surfing in the Hawaiian sea,
which is also known as the Pacific Ocean.
102
00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:10,101
[person] Put him on now.
103
00:05:10,102 --> 00:05:11,520
Yes, he is in Hawaii.
104
00:05:13,063 --> 00:05:14,689
[breathes heavily]
105
00:05:14,690 --> 00:05:16,190
Motherfucker sprung town.
106
00:05:16,191 --> 00:05:17,609
Son of a bitch.
107
00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:20,194
- That was tremendous.
- [line beeping]
108
00:05:20,195 --> 00:05:21,946
I mean, you ever thought about acting?
109
00:05:21,947 --> 00:05:23,573
Just tell me what the hell is happening.
110
00:05:23,574 --> 00:05:25,950
Okay, don't worry about those old guys.
111
00:05:25,951 --> 00:05:28,202
Because the truth is,
I've learnt something which,
112
00:05:28,203 --> 00:05:33,749
if it is true, I mean, like,
really, really true, then poof.
113
00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:35,543
- [sighs]
- This reality, gone,
114
00:05:35,544 --> 00:05:40,381
and we are over the rainbow
in a whole 'nother universe,
115
00:05:40,382 --> 00:05:41,549
full Matrix,
116
00:05:41,550 --> 00:05:43,801
down the rabbit hole, Narnia vibe.
117
00:05:43,802 --> 00:05:44,887
You follow me?
118
00:05:46,305 --> 00:05:47,514
How long were you upside down?
119
00:05:48,432 --> 00:05:50,684
[whispering] It involves Matthew.
120
00:05:52,102 --> 00:05:54,437
[whispering] God.
This is all very dramatic.
121
00:05:54,438 --> 00:05:55,897
Honey, of course I'm dramatic.
122
00:05:55,898 --> 00:05:58,983
- I'm a fucking thespian.
- Okay, Woody, I love you,
123
00:05:58,984 --> 00:06:01,235
but I'm worried that
your brain is fried like a plantain.
124
00:06:01,236 --> 00:06:03,821
- Really?
- I can't carry this for you right now.
125
00:06:03,822 --> 00:06:05,531
Okay, and neither can Matthew. Okay?
126
00:06:05,532 --> 00:06:06,741
He's got a lot on his plate.
127
00:06:06,742 --> 00:06:07,992
Like, this whole governor thing.
128
00:06:07,993 --> 00:06:11,746
He does not need whatever chaos
you're trying to create.
129
00:06:11,747 --> 00:06:12,830
[sighs] Honey,
130
00:06:12,831 --> 00:06:17,335
Ma Mac is actively trying to kick us out
as pronto as possible.
131
00:06:17,336 --> 00:06:22,048
I have got to talk to somebody
about this or I-I might explode.
132
00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:24,175
Okay, please tell someone
else about this conspiracy
133
00:06:24,176 --> 00:06:27,638
that I'm sure is very, very real.
Please, let's just have a quiet day.
134
00:06:28,430 --> 00:06:30,140
I can't make any guarantees.
135
00:06:30,682 --> 00:06:33,434
- [chattering]
- [Matthew] Please can I share--
136
00:06:33,435 --> 00:06:36,145
Can I steal this handsome gentleman
from you for a moment?
137
00:06:36,146 --> 00:06:37,355
- [chuckles]
- Excuse me a second.
138
00:06:37,356 --> 00:06:39,023
- Matthew, this is my new friend, Lucy...
- Hey.
139
00:06:39,024 --> 00:06:40,650
...and we actually
were just talking politics,
140
00:06:40,651 --> 00:06:42,860
which I know you have a keen interest in.
141
00:06:42,861 --> 00:06:43,945
- So...
- [Matthew] Hmm.
142
00:06:43,946 --> 00:06:45,488
I just have to say, I'm a huge fan.
143
00:06:45,489 --> 00:06:47,865
I've seen Dallas Buyers Club 84 times.
144
00:06:47,866 --> 00:06:48,991
- Aw.
- Thank you, Lucy.
145
00:06:48,992 --> 00:06:50,076
[chuckles]
146
00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:52,537
Um, I'm actually kind of having
a hard time right now.
147
00:06:52,538 --> 00:06:55,206
Um, my mom's recently passed
and we're trying to sell her home.
148
00:06:55,207 --> 00:06:57,291
But because of the chapter 313 abatements,
149
00:06:57,292 --> 00:06:59,377
and how they
specifically affect rural IDs,
150
00:06:59,378 --> 00:07:02,505
um, we're suffering the consequences
of the program's expiration.
151
00:07:02,506 --> 00:07:04,841
So, do you have any thoughts on that?
I mean, what do you think?
152
00:07:04,842 --> 00:07:07,051
Yeah, that is, uh... That is a toughie.
153
00:07:07,052 --> 00:07:08,594
What do you think, Matthew?
154
00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:10,973
- Abate?
- Mm-hmm. The abatements.
155
00:07:12,224 --> 00:07:14,559
Um, the 313 you said?
156
00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:15,768
Mm-hmm.
157
00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:18,855
We first gotta answer the questions
why was three and three...
158
00:07:18,856 --> 00:07:22,191
313 passed in the first place.
159
00:07:22,192 --> 00:07:25,319
And then, um, who did it help,
and why, and how?
160
00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:26,988
Where, when, who?
161
00:07:26,989 --> 00:07:28,197
You being you.
162
00:07:28,198 --> 00:07:30,783
Um, you said rural ISD?
163
00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:32,994
You know, we're gonna come
from the outside in,
164
00:07:32,995 --> 00:07:34,078
look at it objectively
165
00:07:34,079 --> 00:07:36,914
before we subjectively,
you know, before we can...
166
00:07:36,915 --> 00:07:39,876
Oh, my God. I'm-I'm getting
a text message actually.
167
00:07:39,877 --> 00:07:41,335
The... Your biggest horse is out
168
00:07:41,336 --> 00:07:42,920
- and running around on the farm.
- Uh-oh.
169
00:07:42,921 --> 00:07:45,256
You're gonna have to lasso it
to the ground.
170
00:07:45,257 --> 00:07:46,799
- Sorry.
- He's the only one that can do that.
171
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:49,385
He's the only one strong enough.
So we should run and go deal with that.
172
00:07:49,386 --> 00:07:52,138
- So... [chuckles]
- Sorry about your mother.
173
00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:53,806
Yeah. So nice to meet you.
174
00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:55,057
[Matthew] Thank you for that.
175
00:07:55,058 --> 00:07:57,935
Obviously I need to brush up
a little bit on my policy.
176
00:07:57,936 --> 00:07:59,604
Yeah, brush up on policy, how about?
177
00:07:59,605 --> 00:08:01,355
'Cause I don't think
you can just make up for that
178
00:08:01,356 --> 00:08:02,857
in the swimsuit and talent portion.
179
00:08:02,858 --> 00:08:04,483
- All right, Miss Congeniality?
- [chuckles]
180
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,861
Campaigning is not a Lincoln ad, Matthew.
181
00:08:06,862 --> 00:08:10,072
You can't just stare out a window,
and spout some stupid bullshit,
182
00:08:10,073 --> 00:08:11,240
and hope that roads get fixed.
183
00:08:11,241 --> 00:08:13,576
All right? Okay, I need you
to know this stuff, Matthew.
184
00:08:13,577 --> 00:08:15,661
Issues that matter to voters.
185
00:08:15,662 --> 00:08:18,539
- Okay? I need you to know--
- I'll be ready, okay. I'll be ready.
186
00:08:18,540 --> 00:08:21,792
Hey. This campaign
is everything to me, okay.
187
00:08:21,793 --> 00:08:25,004
It might be a vanity project for you,
but to me it is everything.
188
00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:26,923
I don't have a husband,
I don't have children,
189
00:08:26,924 --> 00:08:28,299
I don't have a permanent residence.
190
00:08:28,300 --> 00:08:30,927
I haven't been to the dentist in 17 years,
because I am busy.
191
00:08:30,928 --> 00:08:36,308
Okay. Those all sound like predicaments
that predate me, but let me be very clear.
192
00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:38,726
This campaign means everything
to me, all right?
193
00:08:38,727 --> 00:08:40,479
That's why I'm running for governor.
194
00:08:41,355 --> 00:08:43,189
And, yes, I've got some work to do.
195
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:45,274
That will not work on the campaign trail.
196
00:08:45,275 --> 00:08:46,359
Okay, I understand that.
197
00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:48,820
But when I tell you I'll be ready,
I'll be ready.
198
00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:55,911
Do you want me to send you some podcasts?
199
00:08:56,620 --> 00:08:57,828
All right. Be cool, McConaughey.
200
00:08:57,829 --> 00:08:59,373
Breathe it out. Breathe it out.
201
00:09:02,417 --> 00:09:05,045
[grunting, vocalizing]
202
00:09:05,629 --> 00:09:06,754
[inhales deeply]
203
00:09:06,755 --> 00:09:08,464
[grunting, vocalizing]
204
00:09:08,465 --> 00:09:10,175
[people on podcast chattering]
205
00:09:12,678 --> 00:09:14,429
Jurisdiction two.
206
00:09:15,305 --> 00:09:17,224
- Got it.
- [podcast continues]
207
00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:25,189
- Is he okay?
- Yeah, he does this when he's anxious.
208
00:09:25,190 --> 00:09:27,984
You know?
It makes him feel like he's in control.
209
00:09:27,985 --> 00:09:29,819
Clean house, clean mind.
210
00:09:29,820 --> 00:09:31,654
- Can't lose.
- [chuckles]
211
00:09:31,655 --> 00:09:34,615
You know, he bleached
the inside of the chimney
212
00:09:34,616 --> 00:09:36,325
when he was preparing for Sing 2.
213
00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:38,828
[chuckles] God, can he come clean our bus?
214
00:09:38,829 --> 00:09:39,830
Right. [chuckles]
215
00:09:40,956 --> 00:09:42,499
God, I live on a bus.
216
00:09:43,458 --> 00:09:44,584
You don't belong there.
217
00:09:44,585 --> 00:09:45,668
[podcast continues]
218
00:09:45,669 --> 00:09:47,045
Recidivism.
219
00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:52,426
[grunting, vocalizing]
220
00:09:53,302 --> 00:09:54,303
Ding.
221
00:09:55,804 --> 00:09:58,556
Morning, Wyatt. Bud, why-why
aren't you dressed?
222
00:09:58,557 --> 00:10:01,642
Uh, hey, Dad. Um, I was just doing
my morning journaling, and then--
223
00:10:01,643 --> 00:10:03,936
- [River screaming]
- [Matthew] Hey.
224
00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,730
I see River has not had breakfast.
225
00:10:05,731 --> 00:10:07,857
- It's your turn to feed him, yeah?
- Yeah. Sorry about that.
226
00:10:07,858 --> 00:10:09,400
Uh, Aunt Joy kinda colonized the kitchen.
227
00:10:09,401 --> 00:10:11,110
- [Matthew] Oh.
- [Joy] Morning.
228
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:12,195
[Matthew] Morning.
229
00:10:12,196 --> 00:10:14,155
You okay if we move all the meat
to the garage freezer?
230
00:10:14,156 --> 00:10:16,532
Uh, I'd prefer if you did not, but...
231
00:10:16,533 --> 00:10:17,825
What do we got here?
232
00:10:17,826 --> 00:10:19,452
- Morning, Clara.
- [Clara] Morning.
233
00:10:19,453 --> 00:10:20,953
Hey, no devices before breakfast.
234
00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:22,538
- You know that.
- [Olive] Oh, my God. Sorry.
235
00:10:22,539 --> 00:10:23,873
That's my fault. I gave her my phone.
236
00:10:23,874 --> 00:10:25,541
[Matthew] Shut it down, go get breakfast.
237
00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:26,959
- [Clara] Okay.
- Hey, Wyatt.
238
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:28,044
Buddy? Come on, dude.
239
00:10:28,045 --> 00:10:29,962
- Go get dressed. You got chores.
- [Wyatt] Uh, cool.
240
00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:31,422
Actually, Kai's using my bathroom.
241
00:10:31,423 --> 00:10:32,840
I wanted to give her space.
242
00:10:32,841 --> 00:10:34,258
Hey. Mind if I borrow your hoodie?
243
00:10:34,259 --> 00:10:35,551
Uh, I'd prefer if you didn't.
244
00:10:35,552 --> 00:10:37,471
Hmm. Kind of already did.
245
00:10:38,222 --> 00:10:39,223
Matthew.
246
00:10:40,057 --> 00:10:41,140
[Matthew] Yeah?
247
00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:44,810
Is it just me or do the Harrelsons
need to leave already?
248
00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:47,647
It feels like it's been a week of chaos
ever since they got here.
249
00:10:47,648 --> 00:10:48,981
- [Matthew] Yeah, yeah.
- Matthew,
250
00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:51,317
are you aware that River's
on top of the bus right now,
251
00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:53,486
and Woody showed him how to climb it?
252
00:10:53,487 --> 00:10:54,612
No.
253
00:10:54,613 --> 00:10:56,614
River! Come on down!
254
00:10:56,615 --> 00:10:59,909
I'm surprised you're okay
with this Harrelson invasion.
255
00:10:59,910 --> 00:11:02,703
I've seen the way Woody's wife
looks at Matthew.
256
00:11:02,704 --> 00:11:05,331
Okay, enough, all right? We're happy
that the Harrelsons are here.
257
00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:06,999
Of course we are.
258
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,418
And I'm glad you two
aren't feeling cornered
259
00:11:09,419 --> 00:11:12,588
by all those extra hippy-dippy kids
running around.
260
00:11:12,589 --> 00:11:14,340
It's just two girls.
261
00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:17,635
Which means you're not
the hot young thing anymore.
262
00:11:17,636 --> 00:11:21,430
Hey, uh, you mind
if I borrow your grandmother?
263
00:11:21,431 --> 00:11:24,392
[clears throat]
So this is your big plan now?
264
00:11:24,393 --> 00:11:27,103
Smear campaign against my family?
265
00:11:27,104 --> 00:11:31,983
What? I'm just a sweet, old lady
waiting for the good Lord to take me home.
266
00:11:31,984 --> 00:11:33,317
You know, I'm not going anywhere
267
00:11:33,318 --> 00:11:35,820
until I find out the truth
about me and Matthew.
268
00:11:35,821 --> 00:11:37,656
I'm not scared of you, Ma Mac.
269
00:11:40,826 --> 00:11:42,244
Oh, man. She's scary.
270
00:11:47,791 --> 00:11:48,959
[exhales deeply]
271
00:11:51,003 --> 00:11:52,004
Hello, Father.
272
00:11:52,838 --> 00:11:56,382
Daughter, there is a matter
I wish to discuss with you.
273
00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:58,134
Why are you being so dramatic?
274
00:11:58,135 --> 00:11:59,761
Why does everyone keep saying...
275
00:12:00,721 --> 00:12:01,722
Listen...
276
00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:03,723
[Olive inhales, sighs]
277
00:12:03,724 --> 00:12:05,184
Ma Mac, the other night,
278
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:10,480
told me that she knew my father,
like, knew him.
279
00:12:11,648 --> 00:12:13,399
- Okay?
- Biblically.
280
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:18,363
And she implied Matthew's dad
may well not be his dad.
281
00:12:19,114 --> 00:12:20,282
Which means...
282
00:12:23,493 --> 00:12:25,203
You and Matthew might be brothers?
283
00:12:25,204 --> 00:12:27,455
- Yes.
- Holy shit.
284
00:12:27,456 --> 00:12:29,583
- [chuckles]
- Holy shit.
285
00:12:30,542 --> 00:12:32,960
I mean, are you okay?
[stutters] How do you feel?
286
00:12:32,961 --> 00:12:34,712
Am I okay? I feel everything.
287
00:12:34,713 --> 00:12:36,005
He-He's my best friend.
288
00:12:36,006 --> 00:12:37,424
It would be amazing.
289
00:12:38,050 --> 00:12:40,843
But, also, his dad is everything to him...
290
00:12:40,844 --> 00:12:43,971
[stammers] ...and maybe it would
break his heart.
291
00:12:43,972 --> 00:12:46,057
Maybe it would fuck up his campaign.
292
00:12:46,058 --> 00:12:48,851
Maybe it would... [stammers]
...end our friendship.
293
00:12:48,852 --> 00:12:52,730
I don't know. And I can't say anything
to anyone until I know for sure.
294
00:12:52,731 --> 00:12:54,190
I've just been carrying this.
295
00:12:54,191 --> 00:12:58,027
I haven't been able to tell anybody,
and it's been eating me alive.
296
00:12:58,028 --> 00:13:00,864
- [exhales deeply]
- [Olive] Okay. I mean, I'm so sorry, Dad.
297
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:05,368
Also, why are you telling me this?
298
00:13:05,369 --> 00:13:07,161
I needed a great mind,
299
00:13:07,162 --> 00:13:09,456
and you are the smartest person I know.
300
00:13:10,207 --> 00:13:11,208
[Olive chuckles]
301
00:13:11,959 --> 00:13:12,960
Thanks.
302
00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:16,880
Okay. We're gonna order a DNA test.
303
00:13:17,506 --> 00:13:20,424
We're gonna collect some
of Matthew's hair or saliva.
304
00:13:20,425 --> 00:13:21,884
Already great ideas.
305
00:13:21,885 --> 00:13:24,428
And then we're gonna send it off
to a lab to get it tested.
306
00:13:24,429 --> 00:13:26,055
Should just take a couple of weeks.
307
00:13:26,056 --> 00:13:27,515
We don't have a couple of weeks.
308
00:13:27,516 --> 00:13:29,559
I don't think Ma Mac wants me to know.
309
00:13:29,560 --> 00:13:31,644
She's been angling to get us
kicked out of here.
310
00:13:31,645 --> 00:13:35,399
Okay, so then we need to come up
with an idea so she can't do that.
311
00:13:35,941 --> 00:13:37,108
Right.
312
00:13:37,109 --> 00:13:38,277
Right, right, right, right.
313
00:13:39,778 --> 00:13:44,907
I have one foolproof way that I have used
in the past to great success.
314
00:13:44,908 --> 00:13:46,158
You are not gonna get a--
315
00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:48,202
- Hey, kiddos!
- [barking]
316
00:13:48,203 --> 00:13:51,455
- [all exclaiming]
- Oh, my gosh, a puppy.
317
00:13:51,456 --> 00:13:52,540
[Woody] That's right.
318
00:13:52,541 --> 00:13:56,169
An adorable little puppy just for you.
319
00:13:56,170 --> 00:13:58,880
Wood, no puppy for us.
Thank you very much.
320
00:13:58,881 --> 00:14:00,339
That's not happening. Nonnegotiable.
321
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:02,258
What in God's name is going on here?
322
00:14:02,259 --> 00:14:06,846
Oh, it's just good old Uncle Woody
bestowing upon Matthew and his family
323
00:14:06,847 --> 00:14:09,057
the greatest gift of all...
324
00:14:10,225 --> 00:14:12,101
- love.
- [Matthew] Love? Uh-huh.
325
00:14:12,102 --> 00:14:14,645
And some chewed up furniture,
and six pounds of turds
326
00:14:14,646 --> 00:14:16,355
that you know who
is gonna have to clean it up.
327
00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:18,399
- No.
- No, no, dude, you can leave it.
328
00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:19,901
It's actually good for the soil.
329
00:14:19,902 --> 00:14:21,819
I'm not gonna leave shit all over my yard.
330
00:14:21,820 --> 00:14:23,863
[Woody] It's not gonna be that much shit.
331
00:14:23,864 --> 00:14:25,489
I mean, Little Woody's just a puppy.
332
00:14:25,490 --> 00:14:27,658
- Little Woody?
- Well, whatever they wanna call him.
333
00:14:27,659 --> 00:14:29,285
I love my Little Woody.
334
00:14:29,286 --> 00:14:30,453
Well, yeah.
335
00:14:30,454 --> 00:14:33,789
Kiddos, enjoy it for the next
couple of hours, but that's not our dog.
336
00:14:33,790 --> 00:14:36,459
Don't forget, you got chores
you gotta finish by sundown.
337
00:14:36,460 --> 00:14:38,127
[Clara, River, Wyatt] Sir. Yes, sir.
338
00:14:38,128 --> 00:14:40,922
Hey, sorry, but what is happening here?
339
00:14:40,923 --> 00:14:44,175
Oh, um, sometimes when things get
sort of crazy and out of control,
340
00:14:44,176 --> 00:14:47,136
my dad starts acting like a general
and he gets us in line,
341
00:14:47,137 --> 00:14:48,472
you know, sort of, um...
342
00:14:49,515 --> 00:14:51,182
I mean, don't you ever get disciplined?
343
00:14:51,183 --> 00:14:52,850
Only if we do something really bad,
344
00:14:52,851 --> 00:14:55,979
but then I just play the adopted card
and my dad gets weird and drops it.
345
00:14:58,398 --> 00:14:59,650
Well...
346
00:15:00,943 --> 00:15:03,736
- What?
- Pretty good, huh?
347
00:15:03,737 --> 00:15:05,322
Dogs are glue.
348
00:15:05,822 --> 00:15:08,824
How many families on the verge of divorce,
349
00:15:08,825 --> 00:15:12,078
they get a dog, shaboom, two more years?
350
00:15:12,079 --> 00:15:14,038
You know, it doesn't really
make sense to me,
351
00:15:14,039 --> 00:15:15,623
but you might be a low-key genius.
352
00:15:15,624 --> 00:15:17,291
[chuckles] Say what?
353
00:15:17,292 --> 00:15:19,461
Nothing low-key about it, you know.
354
00:15:20,003 --> 00:15:23,714
I mean, I always thought of myself
as book smart and street smart,
355
00:15:23,715 --> 00:15:27,803
but now I really gotta throw
genius into the mix.
356
00:15:29,179 --> 00:15:30,389
Yeah.
357
00:15:30,973 --> 00:15:33,140
[Kai] Look, I know your dad asked us
to rake leaves,
358
00:15:33,141 --> 00:15:35,227
but is this even still your property?
359
00:15:43,569 --> 00:15:44,611
Oh, shoot. Look.
360
00:15:45,237 --> 00:15:47,697
[laughs] Check it out.
It's a red-oak acorn.
361
00:15:47,698 --> 00:15:49,198
- You got an acorn?
- [chuckles]
362
00:15:49,199 --> 00:15:51,742
Wait. In the forest?
That's... That is unbelievable.
363
00:15:51,743 --> 00:15:54,370
Yeah, well. You know, I used to
collect these when I was younger.
364
00:15:54,371 --> 00:15:57,206
I-I-I thought it was cool
what they represent, you know?
365
00:15:57,207 --> 00:15:59,333
Well, that explains so much.
366
00:15:59,334 --> 00:16:00,626
Almost too much.
367
00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:02,545
[laughs] Yeah, I don't know.
368
00:16:02,546 --> 00:16:06,549
I just... I liked the idea
that no matter how small the acorn is,
369
00:16:06,550 --> 00:16:09,678
one day it's gonna grow
into this giant oak. You know, and...
370
00:16:10,762 --> 00:16:11,889
Well...
371
00:16:12,431 --> 00:16:15,641
Like, here,
maybe anytime you doubt yourself
372
00:16:15,642 --> 00:16:17,602
or forget how awesome you are,
373
00:16:17,603 --> 00:16:19,353
you can think about this acorn,
374
00:16:19,354 --> 00:16:21,773
and you can think about
how strong you are.
375
00:16:26,195 --> 00:16:29,071
[stammers] Obviously I'm joking though.
376
00:16:29,072 --> 00:16:31,949
I'm-I'm... [chuckles]
Mainly it's like a metaphor-joke thing.
377
00:16:31,950 --> 00:16:34,118
It's, uh... I'm not really, like,
an acorn collector.
378
00:16:34,119 --> 00:16:36,287
I don't have an organized shelf
or anything in my bedroom or...
379
00:16:36,288 --> 00:16:38,289
Hey. It's really sweet.
380
00:16:38,290 --> 00:16:41,751
Thank you. [stammers] Yeah. Sorry.
381
00:16:41,752 --> 00:16:42,794
Yeah, let's go.
382
00:16:45,214 --> 00:16:47,632
- [Clara] Okay, can you roll over?
- [River] Little Woody!
383
00:16:47,633 --> 00:16:49,592
[Clara] Here.
There's some treats over here.
384
00:16:49,593 --> 00:16:51,219
Roll over. Down.
385
00:16:51,220 --> 00:16:52,512
Uh-huh.
386
00:16:52,513 --> 00:16:54,514
- Little Woody, can you roll?
- [River] Little Woody!
387
00:16:54,515 --> 00:16:56,182
- Roll, please.
- Hey, Clara? Clara, sweetie.
388
00:16:56,183 --> 00:16:58,434
Hey, can we... Can we get back
to our chores, please?
389
00:16:58,435 --> 00:17:00,144
He won't roll over for me, Dad.
390
00:17:00,145 --> 00:17:03,064
Well, that's because training a dog
takes a lot of time, sweetie.
391
00:17:03,065 --> 00:17:05,107
[stammers] A lot of time
that you don't have.
392
00:17:05,108 --> 00:17:06,817
Let's go finish up our chores, okay?
393
00:17:06,818 --> 00:17:08,277
River, easy on the treats.
394
00:17:08,278 --> 00:17:09,487
Can I still eat them?
395
00:17:09,488 --> 00:17:11,614
Eat as many as you want.
Just don't tell your mom.
396
00:17:11,615 --> 00:17:14,366
Well, look who decided to show up.
397
00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:15,992
Mr. Magnanimous.
398
00:17:15,993 --> 00:17:17,371
Everybody's favorite uncle.
399
00:17:17,871 --> 00:17:18,954
I'm onto you, bud.
400
00:17:18,955 --> 00:17:22,708
Trying to curry favor with my kids
by bringing 'em a damn puppy.
401
00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:27,838
Come on, man. A dog is something
that a dad gets his kids when it's time.
402
00:17:27,839 --> 00:17:30,758
Not the wayfaring, wandering uncle
who swings through,
403
00:17:30,759 --> 00:17:32,677
"Hey, look what I got you," then leaves.
404
00:17:32,678 --> 00:17:35,263
Who's stuck with taking care
of that son of a bitch? Me.
405
00:17:35,264 --> 00:17:37,723
I take exception
to the wayfaring, wandering--
406
00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:39,642
- Really?
- Okay, heard.
407
00:17:39,643 --> 00:17:41,018
- Heard? Yeah, okay. Good.
- Uh-huh.
408
00:17:41,019 --> 00:17:43,187
Would it help if I,
you know, potty-trained him?
409
00:17:43,188 --> 00:17:45,439
- You're gonna potty-train him?
- A little wiggle room in the schedule.
410
00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:47,358
"Wiggle room." That's it.
That's the problem there.
411
00:17:47,359 --> 00:17:48,818
- The chassis's too loose.
- What?
412
00:17:48,819 --> 00:17:50,945
Everyone's got too much wiggle room
since you got here.
413
00:17:50,946 --> 00:17:52,446
I'm starting to get the red ass about it.
414
00:17:52,447 --> 00:17:55,075
I don't need
anymore distraction right now. Okay?
415
00:17:56,326 --> 00:17:59,412
- Come back, Little Woody. Come back!
- [Little Woody barking]
416
00:17:59,413 --> 00:18:01,747
You know leaves are good for the soil too!
417
00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:02,916
[Matthew] Great! Rake some!
418
00:18:06,712 --> 00:18:08,046
[Woody] You're a good boy.
419
00:18:09,131 --> 00:18:10,132
Now stay.
420
00:18:10,632 --> 00:18:12,800
Stay. Sit. No, no. No.
421
00:18:12,801 --> 00:18:14,594
[stammers] Little Woody.
422
00:18:14,595 --> 00:18:16,722
Overplayed your hand, Harrelson.
423
00:18:17,723 --> 00:18:20,517
You know Matthew likes to keep things
all tight and buttoned up.
424
00:18:21,101 --> 00:18:25,104
Last thing he needs is some wild,
out of control, dirty dog
425
00:18:25,105 --> 00:18:26,856
mucking up everything.
426
00:18:26,857 --> 00:18:29,567
You just walked your own nuts
right into a NutriBullet.
427
00:18:29,568 --> 00:18:32,279
Oh, my nuts are just fine, Ma Mac.
428
00:18:32,779 --> 00:18:35,656
Nobody can resist a dog.
429
00:18:35,657 --> 00:18:39,410
I got Joy a dog early in our relationship
and look at us now.
430
00:18:39,411 --> 00:18:41,621
Oh, yeah. She's living the life.
431
00:18:41,622 --> 00:18:46,209
Sometimes I think that that poor woman's
being held against her will.
432
00:18:46,210 --> 00:18:49,253
You know those movies
where it's a man and a dog?
433
00:18:49,254 --> 00:18:52,965
Always starts out hating the dog,
but by the end of it...
434
00:18:52,966 --> 00:18:54,842
Huh? Part of the family.
435
00:18:54,843 --> 00:18:57,554
But you're talking Hollywood.
I'm talking real life.
436
00:18:58,055 --> 00:19:02,725
Dogs are just a pain in the ass.
That's why they call 'em dogs.
437
00:19:02,726 --> 00:19:05,728
Hey, you can't win 'em all, all right.
438
00:19:05,729 --> 00:19:07,104
Don't kick yourself.
439
00:19:07,105 --> 00:19:11,025
It's hard to compete against someone
many are calling a low-key genius.
440
00:19:11,026 --> 00:19:13,862
Well, you're standing in
a big pile of dog shit, genius.
441
00:19:19,535 --> 00:19:20,536
I know.
442
00:19:21,036 --> 00:19:23,664
It's organic. Circle of life.
443
00:19:25,207 --> 00:19:27,124
You've got an answer for everything.
444
00:19:27,125 --> 00:19:29,336
- [Woody chuckles]
- You'll shut your mouth some day.
445
00:19:29,837 --> 00:19:31,964
Low-key dipshit more like.
446
00:19:35,217 --> 00:19:36,218
Fuck.
447
00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:40,097
Flicked it up on the calf? Come on.
448
00:19:50,065 --> 00:19:51,567
Showtime, motherfucker.
449
00:19:53,694 --> 00:19:55,529
[sobbing]
450
00:19:57,364 --> 00:19:58,489
Ma?
451
00:19:58,490 --> 00:20:00,032
[Ma Mac] I'm sorry.
452
00:20:00,033 --> 00:20:01,868
I'll-I'll cry quieter.
453
00:20:01,869 --> 00:20:04,245
No. What's going on, hey?
454
00:20:04,246 --> 00:20:06,163
I don't wanna talk about it.
455
00:20:06,164 --> 00:20:07,540
Well, I think you do.
456
00:20:07,541 --> 00:20:10,126
You're sitting here
crying pretty doggone loud.
457
00:20:10,127 --> 00:20:11,878
I think you wanna talk about something.
What's up?
458
00:20:11,879 --> 00:20:15,841
I was going through your father's things,
and I found his college jersey.
459
00:20:16,884 --> 00:20:17,967
That's Dad's?
460
00:20:17,968 --> 00:20:20,845
I thought the only jersey left
was hanging in that high school.
461
00:20:20,846 --> 00:20:23,473
Here. I want you to have it.
462
00:20:24,099 --> 00:20:29,353
I want you to always remember
exactly who your father is.
463
00:20:29,354 --> 00:20:30,355
Of course.
464
00:20:31,648 --> 00:20:33,107
- Mom, this is incredible.
- [sniffles]
465
00:20:33,108 --> 00:20:35,359
Yeah. Incredible.
466
00:20:35,360 --> 00:20:37,653
After all these years.
467
00:20:37,654 --> 00:20:39,864
What else you've been sitting on
all these years, huh?
468
00:20:39,865 --> 00:20:41,741
- That's a great question.
- [Matthew] Love you.
469
00:20:41,742 --> 00:20:43,951
- [Ma Mac] Mmm.
- Don't you got a dog to return?
470
00:20:43,952 --> 00:20:45,954
I got the perfect frame for this
in my office.
471
00:20:46,496 --> 00:20:48,122
What you got cooking, lady?
472
00:20:48,123 --> 00:20:52,669
Oh, don't you worry them cute little
gapped teeth about it, Wood Pecker.
473
00:20:57,674 --> 00:20:58,675
[Woody laughs]
474
00:20:59,218 --> 00:21:00,676
What a day, huh, buddy?
475
00:21:00,677 --> 00:21:03,304
First the dog, now this. Two great gifts.
476
00:21:03,305 --> 00:21:04,388
No, one great gift.
477
00:21:04,389 --> 00:21:06,182
You know, you lose
somebody important in your life,
478
00:21:06,183 --> 00:21:08,351
and you don't think you're gonna find
new ways to remember them.
479
00:21:08,352 --> 00:21:11,771
And then an unexpected gift like this
comes in, and it's just...
480
00:21:11,772 --> 00:21:13,648
- It's cool, man. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- [barks]
481
00:21:13,649 --> 00:21:14,899
- Hey, hey, hey!
- Whoa, I got it.
482
00:21:14,900 --> 00:21:17,568
- [Matthew] Hey. Hey, hey. No, no. No, no!
- Little Woody! I got him!
483
00:21:17,569 --> 00:21:19,362
- [grunts]
- [River] Come on, Woody, get it!
484
00:21:19,363 --> 00:21:20,530
Give it up. Come on.
485
00:21:20,531 --> 00:21:21,697
- You're embarrassing me.
- Drop!
486
00:21:21,698 --> 00:21:23,824
No, no. No! [groans]
487
00:21:23,825 --> 00:21:25,327
[River] Get it, Little Woody!
488
00:21:25,827 --> 00:21:26,828
No!
489
00:21:27,621 --> 00:21:28,622
Okay.
490
00:21:29,122 --> 00:21:30,831
Good news is collar's still intact.
491
00:21:30,832 --> 00:21:33,125
You know, the most important part
of a garment is--
492
00:21:33,126 --> 00:21:35,461
Wood, get that damn dog
off my property now.
493
00:21:35,462 --> 00:21:36,671
- Dad, Dad.
- What?
494
00:21:36,672 --> 00:21:38,673
You're standing in poo.
495
00:21:38,674 --> 00:21:41,425
Ah, shit. Damn it.
496
00:21:41,426 --> 00:21:43,928
Dude, I'm sorry.
We'll get that cleaned up right away.
497
00:21:43,929 --> 00:21:45,555
- Uh... Joy!
- [Matthew] You know what?
498
00:21:45,556 --> 00:21:48,558
Maybe it's a good idea
you all get outta here by Monday, huh?
499
00:21:48,559 --> 00:21:50,185
Shit.
500
00:21:51,770 --> 00:21:54,356
Is he talking about
Little Woody or Big Woody?
501
00:21:55,107 --> 00:21:56,108
Sounds like both.
502
00:21:57,234 --> 00:22:00,027
This is the worst day of my life!
503
00:22:00,028 --> 00:22:01,904
Hey, buddy. It's all right.
We can get through this.
504
00:22:01,905 --> 00:22:03,489
Okay, what is happening here?
505
00:22:03,490 --> 00:22:05,658
Dad made Uncle Woody take our dog back.
506
00:22:05,659 --> 00:22:07,618
- No.
- McConaugheys!
507
00:22:07,619 --> 00:22:09,453
Tell me what is going on?
508
00:22:09,454 --> 00:22:12,623
Why are all the leaves unraked?
No one's doing their chores.
509
00:22:12,624 --> 00:22:16,377
I'm sorry, Dad. It's just kinda hard to
focus when we're all upset about the dog.
510
00:22:16,378 --> 00:22:19,172
Okay, look. That was never our dog, okay?
511
00:22:19,173 --> 00:22:20,923
This is really not that big of a deal.
512
00:22:20,924 --> 00:22:23,217
I wish I'd never been born!
513
00:22:23,218 --> 00:22:26,929
It's like you're forcing us
to give up our child for adoption.
514
00:22:26,930 --> 00:22:28,556
- What?
- Hey, guys,
515
00:22:28,557 --> 00:22:31,017
let's watch this slideshow of some
of our favorite Little Woody memories.
516
00:22:31,018 --> 00:22:32,101
["Good Riddance" playing]
517
00:22:32,102 --> 00:22:34,479
"Little Woody memories"?
518
00:22:35,063 --> 00:22:39,109
♪ Another turning point
A fork stuck in the road ♪
519
00:22:40,777 --> 00:22:43,196
We had this fricking dog for,
like, half a day!
520
00:22:43,197 --> 00:22:45,865
But it's felt like I've known him forever.
521
00:22:45,866 --> 00:22:47,158
Oh, geez. Okay.
522
00:22:47,159 --> 00:22:51,204
Clara, River, Wyatt...
[stammers] ...we talked about this.
523
00:22:51,205 --> 00:22:52,413
I was clear.
524
00:22:52,414 --> 00:22:55,458
When you have the time
to take the responsibility that it takes
525
00:22:55,459 --> 00:22:58,419
to raise and train a dog,
then we'll talk about getting another dog.
526
00:22:58,420 --> 00:22:59,754
But not right now, okay?
527
00:22:59,755 --> 00:23:01,881
[sobs] I don't want another dog.
528
00:23:01,882 --> 00:23:04,091
- I just want Little Woody.
- Okay.
529
00:23:04,092 --> 00:23:05,301
[Clara sobbing]
530
00:23:05,302 --> 00:23:06,427
[Matthew groans]
531
00:23:06,428 --> 00:23:10,182
- Took the dog back, dude. Happy now?
- [sobbing continues]
532
00:23:13,977 --> 00:23:15,061
Where did you take him?
533
00:23:15,062 --> 00:23:16,812
[song ends]
534
00:23:16,813 --> 00:23:18,105
Absolutely not.
535
00:23:18,106 --> 00:23:20,399
- Do you think that this child...
- Dog.
536
00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:22,860
...can go from uncertainty
to a forever home,
537
00:23:22,861 --> 00:23:25,821
and then back to uncertainty
and then back to a home again
538
00:23:25,822 --> 00:23:27,365
without psychological trauma?
539
00:23:27,366 --> 00:23:31,202
Well, I-I kinda thought that dogs
could just go from place to place
540
00:23:31,203 --> 00:23:33,162
- and just move on with their day.
- Yeah.
541
00:23:33,163 --> 00:23:34,288
Am I mistaken?
542
00:23:34,289 --> 00:23:36,999
Well, I'm sure in your ivory tower
that's how all dogs feel.
543
00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:38,751
Okay, here's the skinny. All right.
544
00:23:38,752 --> 00:23:40,628
He got the dog for my family.
545
00:23:40,629 --> 00:23:43,256
I didn't want it,
but my family fell in love with him.
546
00:23:43,257 --> 00:23:48,720
Question is, what do I need to pay you
to take him home with me right now?
547
00:23:49,388 --> 00:23:50,763
This is an adoption.
548
00:23:50,764 --> 00:23:53,683
I know you celebrities are
accustomed to buying dogs
549
00:23:53,684 --> 00:23:56,102
like they're,
uh, sushi rolls and felt hats.
550
00:23:56,103 --> 00:23:58,396
But this is not a store,
and this is not a product.
551
00:23:58,397 --> 00:24:01,108
This is a family member.
552
00:24:02,109 --> 00:24:03,235
How much?
553
00:24:04,903 --> 00:24:05,904
$5,000.
554
00:24:06,947 --> 00:24:08,531
- Whoo.
- Five grand for the dog?
555
00:24:08,532 --> 00:24:11,284
Consider it a donation to
Texans Against Animal Cruelty.
556
00:24:11,285 --> 00:24:12,702
If you want a second chance,
557
00:24:12,703 --> 00:24:15,621
it would be a very worthy organization
for a donation.
558
00:24:15,622 --> 00:24:18,082
Dude, I would, uh, pony up for you,
559
00:24:18,083 --> 00:24:20,126
- but I left my wallet in the car.
- Of course, you did.
560
00:24:20,127 --> 00:24:22,086
You know what? Five grand.
Run it on that card.
561
00:24:22,087 --> 00:24:25,006
Okay? Great deal.
Speaking of second chances...
562
00:24:25,007 --> 00:24:27,342
- Guess that's the cost of fame.
- Oh, y'all hang on a second.
563
00:24:28,844 --> 00:24:30,011
Lucy.
564
00:24:30,012 --> 00:24:32,221
Hey. Matthew McConaughey.
We met last week.
565
00:24:32,222 --> 00:24:35,266
Yeah. No, I know who you are.
I have a poster of you above my bed.
566
00:24:35,267 --> 00:24:37,018
- Still?
- Always.
567
00:24:37,019 --> 00:24:39,312
Oh, wow. Well, thank you, I think.
568
00:24:39,313 --> 00:24:40,521
- Mm-hmm.
- Um, listen,
569
00:24:40,522 --> 00:24:43,608
I wanted to get back to you about
your question you had on chapter 313.
570
00:24:43,609 --> 00:24:46,569
I'd like to take another shot
at helping you with your problem.
571
00:24:46,570 --> 00:24:48,696
I did some digging
and here's the situation.
572
00:24:48,697 --> 00:24:51,908
So, the tax hike that has come
since its expiration,
573
00:24:51,909 --> 00:24:55,453
it's affecting a lot of people, especially
in the rural areas like your mother.
574
00:24:55,454 --> 00:25:00,833
Now, my advice is you can partner with
local ISDs and other counties in Texas
575
00:25:00,834 --> 00:25:02,919
that are thinking like you, okay?
576
00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:04,462
You do that, you get a collective voice,
577
00:25:04,463 --> 00:25:06,923
then you're gonna have a better chance
of your representative,
578
00:25:06,924 --> 00:25:08,424
who you elect in November,
579
00:25:08,425 --> 00:25:11,094
hearing you when it gets back to
the ballot, okay?
580
00:25:12,095 --> 00:25:14,180
All right.
Sorry to inconvenience you and, uh...
581
00:25:14,181 --> 00:25:15,724
- [mumbles]
- Sorry about your mom.
582
00:25:16,350 --> 00:25:17,434
- Thank you.
- All right.
583
00:25:18,227 --> 00:25:20,229
["Coming Home" playing]
584
00:25:22,439 --> 00:25:24,565
So, we own ourselves a dog?
585
00:25:24,566 --> 00:25:26,359
You do not own a dog.
586
00:25:26,360 --> 00:25:28,903
But you can have the privilege
of living with an animal.
587
00:25:28,904 --> 00:25:29,905
Whatever, man.
588
00:25:30,739 --> 00:25:31,907
Come on.
589
00:25:32,991 --> 00:25:34,867
It was a pleasure doing business with you.
590
00:25:34,868 --> 00:25:36,870
[music continues]
591
00:25:46,129 --> 00:25:48,881
[Woody] Wow, dude,
you look like a beer commercial.
592
00:25:48,882 --> 00:25:49,883
Mind if I...
593
00:25:55,430 --> 00:25:56,723
[clicks tongue, sighs]
594
00:25:58,517 --> 00:26:02,144
You do know that you are
the only lunatic walking this planet
595
00:26:02,145 --> 00:26:06,441
who would get his best friend's family
a dog without even asking.
596
00:26:07,025 --> 00:26:08,151
You know that?
597
00:26:12,531 --> 00:26:15,033
Yet, at the same time,
I gotta admit the results are,
598
00:26:15,742 --> 00:26:18,161
well, making a lot of people happy.
599
00:26:19,955 --> 00:26:23,374
Yeah. Buddy,
I know you did not want this dog...
600
00:26:23,375 --> 00:26:25,335
- No. Mm-mmm.
- ...but they all did.
601
00:26:25,961 --> 00:26:28,838
And if you will excuse
a sensational metaphor,
602
00:26:28,839 --> 00:26:32,675
you acted as a very honorable
governor to your family.
603
00:26:32,676 --> 00:26:37,181
You listened to your constituents
and you made them all pretty damn happy.
604
00:26:40,017 --> 00:26:42,226
That's very democratic of you, buddy.
605
00:26:42,227 --> 00:26:43,728
[laughs]
606
00:26:43,729 --> 00:26:46,773
Does that mean you don't want us
to hit the road mañana?
607
00:26:50,235 --> 00:26:53,864
No, not unless it's the road
to the soul, brother.
608
00:26:55,490 --> 00:26:57,408
- Goddamn it.
- Like that one?
609
00:26:57,409 --> 00:26:59,869
- You are so folksy.
- You like that one?
610
00:26:59,870 --> 00:27:01,621
- Oh, I love it. I mean...
- You're my guy.
611
00:27:01,622 --> 00:27:05,583
...I'm from Texas, but you're like
a belt buckle come to life, man.
612
00:27:05,584 --> 00:27:06,959
- Come on.
- [laughing]
613
00:27:06,960 --> 00:27:09,879
All right. I'm gonna go grab a cold one.
614
00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:12,173
- All right. Get me a beer too, will you?
- Oh.
615
00:27:12,174 --> 00:27:15,969
Uh, I was talking about an ice water bong,
but I'll get you a beer.
616
00:27:17,513 --> 00:27:18,555
Appreciate that.
617
00:27:20,015 --> 00:27:23,310
Well, your dumbass dog trick worked,
didn't it?
618
00:27:24,645 --> 00:27:26,647
Ma Mac, I love you.
619
00:27:27,147 --> 00:27:28,649
And I love your family.
620
00:27:29,274 --> 00:27:31,776
And I just want you to know
I'm gonna let this whole thing drop.
621
00:27:31,777 --> 00:27:33,236
That so?
622
00:27:33,237 --> 00:27:36,197
Yeah. I mean, Matthew and I are brothers.
623
00:27:36,198 --> 00:27:38,157
The kind of brothers
that don't need proof.
624
00:27:38,158 --> 00:27:40,159
So, if you tell me
there's nothing to look into,
625
00:27:40,160 --> 00:27:43,871
I take you at your word
and I'm just gonna let it go.
626
00:27:43,872 --> 00:27:45,665
Well, fucking well.
627
00:27:45,666 --> 00:27:46,958
Hmm.
628
00:27:46,959 --> 00:27:48,501
You know, I can't promise though
629
00:27:48,502 --> 00:27:50,963
that those Travis boys
ain't gonna come after you.
630
00:27:51,713 --> 00:27:53,965
Oh, I took care of that situation too.
631
00:27:53,966 --> 00:27:55,967
They ain't gonna be a problem anymore.
632
00:27:55,968 --> 00:27:57,051
You shitting me?
633
00:27:57,052 --> 00:27:58,262
- No.
- Hmm.
634
00:27:59,513 --> 00:28:03,642
[groans] Hey, you get no more
trouble from me, all right?
635
00:28:04,434 --> 00:28:05,435
Truce?
636
00:28:06,228 --> 00:28:07,229
Truce.
637
00:28:10,983 --> 00:28:12,900
- [coughs]
- [coughs]
638
00:28:12,901 --> 00:28:14,570
[both chuckling]
639
00:28:15,070 --> 00:28:16,905
- You old thing.
- [chuckles]
640
00:28:27,374 --> 00:28:28,791
- Hey.
- Hey.
641
00:28:28,792 --> 00:28:31,962
Order up that DNA test.
We need to get some answers.
642
00:28:32,754 --> 00:28:34,046
I'm on it.
643
00:28:34,047 --> 00:28:35,506
Good job, Dad.
644
00:28:35,507 --> 00:28:36,716
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
645
00:28:36,717 --> 00:28:40,345
Don't forget you are the daughter
of a low-key genius.
646
00:28:42,764 --> 00:28:45,475
Oh, no. Are you fucking kidding--
647
00:28:46,059 --> 00:28:48,020
What? Does this mutt have IBS?
648
00:28:49,688 --> 00:28:50,689
Little Woody.
649
00:28:52,107 --> 00:28:53,232
Come on.
650
00:28:53,233 --> 00:28:55,235
["Jesus Come Back" playing]