Look out!
Hey! Trying to work here!
Perhaps you could work a little faster.
Perhaps if you hadn't tripped the damn alarm.
Pamela, we are out of time! The police will be here soon.
Or worse...
Batman. I know, I know!
But it's like trying to find a needle in a... Haystack.
Come on, come on.
Bingo.
Nothing was physically stolen.
Obviously.
There was no effort to minimize collateral.
This was about information.
There's no way Poison Ivy could've accessed S.T.A. R. Labs secure data.
- They're... - Got it.
Here's the file they copied.
Looks like this is the only thing they cared about.
Oh, no.
"Holland."
Holland...
Why does that sound so familiar?
Be my guest.
Alec Holland was working on a bio-restorative formula
to turn deserts into forests.
Until a saboteur's bomb destroyed that dream.
His body engulfed in the burning experimental compound,
Holland tried to douse the flames.
The chemicals reacted with the surrounding bayou.
His entire physiognomy changed.
- Holland was transformed into... - Swamp Thing.
That's it! That's what attacked me!
Not quite.
This is Jason Woodrue, AKA the Floronic Man.
Terrific.
Poison Ivy teaming up with Jason Woodrue.
We're in for a ride.
I see two immediate objectives.
If you'll excuse us.
A, figure out what Ivy and Woodrue are up to.
And B, find out where the Green Team is hiding out.
I'll take A. I have a hunch I need to look into.
You take B.
Check previous addresses, known associates...
Oh, crap.
Right.
We need Harley Quinn.
Last I heard, Harley went off the grid after she got out on parole.
No one's heard a thing since.
Rumor is she's gone "straight," but also just plain gone.
No one disappears without a trace.
Someone knows something.
Someone always does.
It's just a matter of shaking the right tree.
Hey, thanks again for helping us out with that League of Assassins thing
in Nanda Parbat.
Oof! That Lady Shiva...
Wouldn't say no to a slice of that pie, know what I mean?
So, what can I do for you, Batman?
Lot going on today, but I can spare a few minutes.
A man was abducted from his home two days ago.
Harold Goldblum.
Stupid hand.
Henderson!
How do you even know about that?
We've got a total media lockdown.
Let's just say I've got eyes and ears everywhere, Sarge.
Hacking the A. R.G. U.S. computer is a federal crime, Batman.
Goldblum is a former professor of chemistry at Metropolis University.
Spent 15 years heading up GothCorp Chemical's R&D division.
Most recently, he's been working for the NSA,
specializing in biological warfare.
He was their top mind in biology, botany and toxicology.
I need to know what he was working on.
That'll be all, Henderson.
Right, Sarge.
Big fan.
I'm sorry, Batman, that's classified.
My hands are tied.
Strange that you would put it just that way.
Why?
A fringe hacker group recently accessed information
about key A. R.G. U.S. employees.
Some of them seemed to be engaged in, shall we say,
questionable nocturnal activities.
Are you blackmailing me?
I'm explaining that I can help stop a crime in exchange for some information.
Fine.
But for the record, what Mistress Ilsa does for me is considered therapy.
In some countries.
It's an odd case. No ransom demands, political requests, nothing.
He just vanished.
Whoever took the guy, they either killed him,
or they're keeping him alive for reason or reasons unknown.
- Any leads? - Nothing viable.
The investigation is at a dead end.
Goldblum's field of expertise
is man-made pandemic terrorist attacks.
Anthrax, Ebola, flesh-eating bacteria... You know.
Yes, I do.
In fact, he's the world's leading expert on the subject.
Jesus, the stuff that guy knows.
I don't mean to be callous, but part of me hopes they just killed him.
- No, sorry. - Uh-uh.
Nah, man.
- Mmm, no. - Haven't seen her.
Would've liked to.
Dame owes me three weeks back rent!
If you find her, you tell her she can eat my...
She had the cutest smile.
Morty! That was your niece, Irene!
Always saying she looks like this Harley Quinn,
but I don't see it.
And an adorable tuckus!
Morty!
Hasn't been around.
Afraid not, my son.
- Lo siento. - Can I have that picture?
It was at that deli on Third Street.
Morty! That was two years ago!
In Miami!
I could go for a Reuben myself about now.
With extra kraut.
Hang on...
Okay, we got one Power Girl jumbo combo,
one Black Canary leg-and-thigh with coleslaw...
Gonna lose that hand, puddin'.
Anything else for you today, boys?
- Uh, no. - I'm good.
Yeah, me too.
Totally good.
Crazy broad broke my freakin' arm.
Hey, Chick, this crazy broad broke my freakin' arm!
Gotta be her.
Come on out, I know you're there.
I got good ears.
Your hearing gets mighty sharp in Arkham.
Things go bump in the night.
Hi, Harley. Long time no see.
I'd like to keep it that way.
You're a hard girl to find.
Pretty clever, hiding in plain sight like that.
I have a few questions.
For example, where can I find your BFF Poison Ivy?
We need your help.
- Ivy is... - Save it, honey.
I don't mix it up with the costume crowd anymore.
I've turned over a new leaf, as it were.
Listen, Ivy's fallen in with the wrong crowd.
She and Jason Woodrue are up to something.
And we have to stop them.
They're a lethal combo, Harley.
Lots of people could get hurt or killed. Ivy could get hurt or killed.
Nuh-uh. I'm done with capes and tights and masks.
Just trying like hell to lead a normal life.
Really? Funny that you're not, say,
using your psychiatric training to make a decent living.
Instead of dressing up in skimpy red and black
for minimum wage plus tips...
Pretty weird way to kick a habit.
You've got to be just itching to get back in the game.
Nice try, but you're on your own, Nightwig.
You haven't reported to your parole officer in months.
I should just drag your crazy ass back to jail right now.
Oh, yeah?
Just freakin' try it, buttwipe!
Sorry, kiddo, but you're getting the payback
for every pinch, goose, and butt slap I've gotten for the last three months.
Give up?
Just when things are getting interesting? Fat chance!
Whiff.
Ready to call it a night, Harley?
What's so funny, Chuckles?
Some girls like mace.
I prefer a little low-grade Joker venom.
Only useful thing I ever got from that asshat.
Nighty-night, jerk.
Don't know what you expect to find.
My best people have been over this place a dozen times.
No offense to your best people, but they're not me.
What is it?
Oh, yay! A leaf.
Kind of like all of these.
No, not like those.
It's a completely different phylum from every other leaf in here.
Great. You're the world's greatest florist, too.
Look closely.
Have you ever seen a leaf like this?
Can't say that I have.
That's because it isn't from our planet.
Not even from our dimension.
Wait. You mean Jason Woodrue?
That freak was here?
This is bad.
Your forensic people are bad.
This is catastrophic.
Nightwing, this is Batman. Come in.
Nightwing?
Everything okay?
He should've reported in by now.
You want me to send out a search team? They're the best at...
Well, they're pretty good.
Like I said, eyes and ears everywhere.
Besides, Nightwing can handle himself.
I know. I know. Freakin' stupid bringing him back to my place.
But what was I supposed to do?
I couldn't just let him go. He knows the secret location of my hidey-hole.
He'd blab to Batman for sure.
Could've just killed him, dumb-ass!
Nah, I'm not a criminal anymore.
Plus, he's kinda too cute to kill.
And anyway, maybe I should help out.
Sounds like Ivy could be in some serious...
Don't bother yelling for help.
This dump is condemned.
Nobody in the whole building but us, Nightwig.
"Wing."
It's "Nightwing."
Really? Huh.
Guess I was thinking of that goofy mullet you used to have.
Yeesh. That was like a whole decade of bad hair days.
Sticks and stones, lady.
I've taken trash talk from bigger criminals than you.
"Criminals"? If you hadn't noticed, I went straight!
I'm a friggin' waitress already!
Oh, golly, that's right. I stand corrected.
Check this out, smart guy.
My pile of rejection letters.
Evidently, the Mayo Clinic's got some dumb policy
of not hiring former costumed supervillains.
Just like every other hospital in the world.
There're other jobs.
Sure! I got a ton of offers.
"We got a very special role for you in Bad Girls After Dark."
And you got to love this one.
"A tasteful pictorial to be shot in Thailand for legal reasons."
You say I'm a criminal. They say I'm a whore.
Well, I'm sick of other people telling me what I am!
Whatever.
Got to say, you gave me a heck of a workout.
Got me all sweat-stinky.
Ew!
Definitely could use a shower.
I think better when I don't reek.
Still got to figure out what to do about Nightwig over there.
Hmm, what to wear? What to wear?
Sucker-punch Harley? Arctic Harley? Street-luge Harley?
Roller-babe Harley?
Steam-punk Harley. Goth-Lolita Harley.
Hey, Nightwig, is it true you used to be Robin?
Huh. Ain't that a kick in the pants?
Little Boy Wonder all grown up.
Okay, now...
Don't be getting any funny ideas.
Too late!
It's funny.
I always kinda thought you and Batman didn't like girls.
Wait, what?
You know, that book?
With the headlights and the eyeball-gouging?
I had to write a paper on it back in college.
Got a B-minus.
Look, Harley...
Pretty lonely these last few months, if you know what I mean.
You don't meet a lot of likely prospects at Super-Babes.
I'm kinda choosy.
I'm not saying I don't want to, 'cause that could be nice.
All sorts of wrong, but nice.
- Right now, I just really need to find... - Shh!
Face it, Sugar.
I got something you want, and you sure-as-shootin' got something I want.
So, be a good boy and maybe...
Maybe mama will give you a cookie.
The things I do for Gotham.
I'm taking that as a "yes."
It's disgusting!
It's an abomination!
You think I like swapping spit with this geezer every six hours?
If you've got a better way to keep him under our control, I'm all ears.
There's always torture.
I don't torture.
The seven billion meat bags who infest this world
would probably consider our plans for them torture.
Or at least cruel and inhumane.
Our plans are for the improvement of every organism on Earth.
The very definition of humane.
"Humane."
What an ironic word coined by a species
completely devoid of compassion for any other life-forms.
Or each other, for that matter.
They all talk about climate change,
but have they actually changed anything?
Indeed they have.
They've doubled their output of greenhouse gases,
increased the rate of deforestation, ravaged the planet.
You said it yourself, Pamela, and I quote,
"Humans simply will not give a crap unless we force them to."
Well, once our virus is activated,
every single person on this planet will have a vested interest
in "going green."
Oh, God, no! Stop! Stop!
You stop it! You're gonna make me pee!
Hey, hey, hey!
Cut it out!
How about there? You ticklish there?
Harley Quinn reporting for duty, sir!
I was, uh... Was just about to call you.
Meet you at the car!
Did you get what you needed?
Well, yeah.
Ivy's whereabouts, of course. That's what you meant. Uh, no, not yet.
Like you never made out with a super-villain.
So, here's how it's gonna work, Dynamic Duo.
Nobody knows Ivy like I know Ivy.
Now, I can help you find her,
but you're gonna let me talk some sense into her before you come in swingin'.
And then, when this whole thing is over,
you're gonna put in a good word for me with the parole board,
tell 'em what a fine, upstanding citizen I am, etcetera, etcetera.
No.
What the what? But... I mean, aren't you gonna...
- Don't you need... - I don't make deals with psychopaths.
Sociopath!
So-ci-o-path!
Jeez, why does everybody always get that wrong?
If you aren't willing to agree to my terms, why should I help you?
You'll help us or the rest of the world will cease to exist.
As insane as you are, you enjoy living.
How about just a little something to sweeten the deal?
Spa day? Autographed picture for my little cousin?
He's real sick.
Okay, fine, whatever. You're the boss.
Wait, she's coming with us?
Is that really a good idea?
It's not my first choice,
but we can't afford to let her out of our sight.
She might tip off Ivy that we're onto her.
Yeah, dangerous loony over here, never know what she's gonna do!
Here, there's a little trick to it.
Hey, watch the hands, Buster Brown!
Sorry, I was just...
Jeez, 20 minutes of naughty fun-time and they think they own you.
I wasn't... I was just trying to...
Look, maybe I'll call you sometime, okay?
Like, when I'm outta batteries or something.
Based on Goldblum's area of expertise,
Woodrue and Ivy's ideological profiles,
and the S. T.A.R. Labs break-in,
there's only one conclusion.
They're going to synthesize the formula that created Swamp Thing,
convert it into a fast-spreading virus and save the world
by turning humanity into animal/plant hybrids.
What! Ew!
Look, don't get me wrong, I ain't no racist.
I mean, some of my best friends are plant people.
Well, on the bright side, at least they aren't actually killing anyone.
Perhaps not intentionally.
Here we go.
It's bad enough if they succeed and we all live as plant people.
But that's not even the worst-case scenario.
If any part of their plan is off even a slight bit, within weeks,
days, maybe...
We could be looking at the extinction of all life on the planet.
Jeepers.
But wait a minute, why do they need the Holland formula?
Why not just make the virus from themselves?
It's a shortcut.
Reverse-engineering their own DNA could take years, maybe decades.
Neither of them was ever fully human to begin with.
She's a natural mutation
and he's an exiled dryad from another dimension.
"Exiled dryad from..." You're shittin' me!
We've seen weirder things.
Harley, we just need you to help us find Ivy. That's all.
- We'll handle the rest. - No problem.
I know this guy, one of Ivy's top henchmen,
probably still tight with her.
And he's... Oh, my God! Stop the car!
- No. - But it's him!
- Who? - That guy!
Hey, you! Bobby Liebowitz!
Oh, crap!
Harley, wait!
Lousy, stinkin'...
Stands me up for senior prom!
That's enough.
Dumps me for that shiksa with the big...
- Sorry, she's off her meds. - Won't happen again.
But seriously, dude. Sounds like you kinda had it coming.
Made my mother cry! Was she worth it, douchebag?
Waited 10 years to get that...
I was just...
But...
He...
Pull a stupid stunt like that again
and I'm dumping you off at the nearest police station.
Oh, big whoop.
"You're livin' under my roof. You play by my rules."
Is that it?
Newsflash, gruesome, you ain't my dad!
This isn't a game, Harley!
I need you to stay focused on the job at hand.
Focus-shmocus!
You know, I'm starting to re-think this whole deal.
Here I am helping you guys out, pro-boner I might add,
and you gotta go and get all mega control-freaky on me.
"Do this, don't do that. Sit up straight. Brush after every meal.
"Don't bite your toenails.
"Keep your knees together when you're wearing a dress."
Harley, there are lives at stake!
Oh, my God!
Yeah, yeah, the whole world's going to plotz! I get it, I get it!
You think I'm just some dizzy airhead that don't know nothin'.
Do you know what I am?
My punishment for dropping out of med school.
Wrong! I'm the answer to all your prayers, pally.
Take the Donnenfeld Expressway to Bludhaven.
Come on. Trust me this time.
Okay, you really want to stop the car this time.
Those Hawkgirl spicy wings I had at Super-Babes
are doing a tango in my tummy.
Seriously, I'm dying back here.
Fine.
- Holy... - It's not so bad.
Smells like... Discipline.
Oh, man!
Batman, I'm begging you.
I'll give you 10 bucks if you floor it and don't look back.
I know, it looks like a total dump, but trust me, it is a total dump.
Howsomever, all the cool hench-people hang out here.
Betcha dollars to donuts Shrubby's inside.
Guy just loves to dance!
I have nightmares like this.
Not sure just how welcome we are here.
Oh, relax, you'll fit right in.
Try to look a little less stick-up-your-assy.
Oh, look, I was right! There's Shrubby!
Hey, Shrubby!
Be right back.
Long time no see, Shrubby.
You still got the moves, Shrub.
Milk for the gentleman.
I gotta do somethin' for Shrubby or there's no deal.
Hey, buddy, watch this!
No, man, don't do it!
Wait.
Happy?
Thanks a heap, Shrub.
I got it, let's go.
You put a lot of our buddies in the slammer, Bat-fink.
Only way you're getting out of here
is in a black plastic bag with a zipper up the front.
- A body bag. - He knows what it is!
Okay, boys...
Let's dance.
See, that was fun, right?
Go ahead, Watchtower.
Hey, Bats, it's Booster. Got your emergency alert.
Hey, the thing is, most of our heavy hitters are out near Rigel,
trying to stop a rogue comet, or a black hole or something.
And a bunch of 'em are at that christening at Aquaman's place,
and you know the reception down there kinda sucks.
I only got a handful of guys here on stand-by.
I could send... Let's see...
Black Condor?
Elongated Man?
Triumph?
Bloodwynd?
Or I could just come down myself, give you guys a hand.
Not much goin' on up here, and the foosball table's still busted.
That's all right, Booster. Thanks anyway. We'll make do.
You sure? 'Cause it's no problem. B'wana Beast can totally cover for me.
Sorry, Booster. Going under some high-tension wires.
That sounds like paper.
Over and out.
That was too close.
We got any of them fries left?
You're just going to feel a bit of pressure here, little fellow.
Everything's going to be just fine.
It's working.
He's stable!
Look how beautiful you are!
Come to mama, cutie pie.
It works. It works!
This is no ordinary leafy mouse, but a harbinger of the new age!
The dead, grinding factories of man
will be replaced by cathedrals of mighty redwoods!
A verdant, green, life-covered Earth
will burst forth with...
Ew!
"Subject response, negative."
Why isn't it working?
He's faking! He's not even trying!
Your persuasion kiss has worn off!
He's still under my control.
Harold, tell us what went wrong.
This is an incredibly complex azeotrope.
The virus conversion of the formula works perfectly on paper.
There are literally millions of variables that could be corrupting the process.
Take a guess, meat bag.
Well, guessing is hardly scientific,
but I suspect it may have something to do
with the fact that we've been using plain old swamp water
from nearby Slaughter Swamp for our experiments.
No, what we need
is the precise bio-nutrients and chemicals from the water at the exact place
where the Swamp Thing was created.
The Weinwright Swamp in Louisiana.
Oh, for God's sake, what a pain in the ass.
No, Pamela, no. It's perfect, don't you see?
The lagoon feeds directly into the Gulf of Mexico,
where the Gulf Stream currents will carry the virus into the Greater Atlantic
and then the world!
Mother Earth's salvation, ground zero!
I said it last time.
- Your turn. - It's over, Ivy.
Harley?
Hiya, Red.
You're with them?
Oh, Harl...
Come on, Pammie, what are you doing?
You really going to change us all into plants?
You know I don't look good in green.
I'm sorry, Harley, but there's no other way.
Humankind have had their chance.
And you've had yours!
Oh, gross!
Jason, the work!
What's happening?
He's waking up. I need to keep him hypnotized.
Mmm, no.
Occam's razor.
Red! You can't leave me here, Pammie! You know my skin. I burn easy!
That idiot meat-skank betrayed you, Pamela!
She is your worst enemy! Leave her to her fate!
Nightwing?
Over here.
You okay?
My ears are going to be ringing for a week,
but no broken bones. Ow!
I think.
Where's Harley?
Shh, it's okay. You're gonna be okay.
Just hang in there, Doc.
Look, here's Batman. He'll fix you right up. Sure he will.
Don't pull it out.
Lift his head up.
Loui...
Siana...
- Don't try to talk. It's okay... - No.
Must...
They need swamp water.
Complete...
Process...
We're losing him.
It's okay, Doc. You did good.
You did real good.
We'll take it from here.
Hey, Doc.
When you get to heaven, you should look up my bubbie.
Fran Quinzel.
She's super nice. I think you two would really hit it off.
It was wrong.
We shouldn't have left them there. Not in the flames. What if she...
Died? Good.
She's on the wrong side of this, Ivy.
Don't tell me you're getting cold feet?
No! I just...
Never mind.
Safe to say, we are thoroughly screwed.
They're bound to have all the airports and train stations covered by now.
I could maybe disguise myself and squeak through the cordon, but you?
Well, it was a nice dream while it last... Is that a yam?
A very special yam, yes.
With certain unique properties.
I removed half a dozen of these tubers from Swamp Thing's corpse a few years ago
while he was temporarily deceased.
This is my last one. I've been saving it for just such an occasion.
Not hungry.
Eat.
It's frozen.
Eat.
More.
Ugh! It tastes awful.
Take my hand.
What the...
Relax.
Concentrate on our destination.
Become one with the Green.
With the Green...
Silly me. Almost forgot.
Oh, man, I'm beat.
How you doin', Nightwig?
Oh, right. Nightwing. Sorry.
It's like that thing, when you can't remember
if it's supposed to be "their" with "E-I-R"
or "they're" with "Y-apostrophe-R-E".
You know you got a 50/50 chance of getting it right,
but somehow, you always pick the wrong...
Anyhow.
Sorry.
Forget it.
Yeah?
So, we're good?
Sure.
The police are setting up roadblocks,
covering the airports, bus terminals, train stations.
Sarge Steel is calling in the FBI and the National Guard.
- What about us? - We're headed to Louisiana, fast.
The GPS coordinates for the Holland lab are locked in.
Saddle up.
Thanks for your help.
Hey, now, wait just a goddamn minute!
That's it? You got what you wanted, now you're just gonna dump me?
Like Nightwig over here, Captain-Kirk-in' me for info, and then...
See ya later, toots?
Hey, you were the one who... And I never...
You need me, Batman!
Uh-huh. That's right. You need me!
You saw how tough plant guy is,
tossing you guys around like raggedy-dolls!
If he kicks your butts again, then what?
You think you're gonna be able to sweet-talk Ivy
into giving up her diabolical plan?
Huh, Mr. Smoothie? 'Cause I gotta tell ya, your line ain't that great!
- And besides... - Enough.
I can't trust you.
But I thought...
I mean, we...
You're the walking definition of loose cannon, Harley.
For all I know, you might decide at the last minute
that Ivy's plan doesn't sound so cock-eyed after all,
because the wind changed direction, or because it's Thursday.
- But... - I can't risk it.
The stakes are way too high.
- But... - But what?
But I'll never survive the veggie apocalypse!
Once, I begged my mom for a cat,
but I left the back door open one day and it ran away.
And then I begged her for a hamster and I forgot to feed it for like...
A month!
So then... Then she said that maybe I could have a plant,
so she got me this itty-bitty fern in this cute little yellow pot and...
I forgot...
...to water it!
Well, what if I forget to water myself?
Oh, please, Mr. Kinda-scary but-actually-really-nice Batman,
please let me come with you!
I can make Ivy change her mind and give up her diabolical plan with Tree Guy!
I know I can! We're pals! Yeah, good pals!
Like Jack and Jill, or pork and beans!
Please! Please!
You know, you're always saying, "Have a contingency plan."
So...
Your Plan B is Harley Quinn?
God help us.
Probably should've mentioned I sometimes get a little airsick...
Gettin' eaten alive out here.
Oh, thank God, can I have some of that?
It's concentrated sulfuric acid. A super-dehydrating agent.
All of the crazy crap you got stuffed into that belt,
and you didn't think to bring bug spray?
To a frickin' swamp?
What are ya good for? Hmm?
You're probably just low on Vitamin B.
Never mind!
Some Boy Scout you turned out to be.
I can't see how they could have gotten here ahead of us.
With the airports and train stations locked down?
Probably not.
But supervillains do tend to be very resourceful.
All I know is, if they are here already, you can bet your tushy
Ivy's turned some of these bushes and trees into monster watchdogs.
Like Little Shop of Horrors on steroids.
No foolin', one time she turned my stinkin' lollipop stick
into a three-headed snake-twig thingy.
While it was still in my mouth!
Haven't had a lollipop since.
What?
What you said before.
I keep thinking about Plant Guy ridin' on the subway.
In a trench coat and hat, like some kinda 7-foot-tall flasher all made outta celery.
Guess they're definitely here then.
They're coming.
I can feel it.
Would you please stop fidgeting? I really need to concentrate.
Just hurry.
Almost done. One last step.
Look out! Ivy trap!
Come on. This way.
Harley!
What are you doing?
Just what you expected me to do. Sucker.
Because it's Thursday.
Harley?
Hiya, sweetie! Look, sorry about before.
I had to make these jerks think I was on their side
so I could bring 'em here and wrap 'em up for ya,
so you can get on with your plan!
Nice, huh?
Pammie, honey, you gotta give up this crazy plan.
It's really, really nutzoid. Please don't turn us all into veggie people.
Gotta be another way. You're tampering with things
man was never meant to know. I'm sure I could put in
a good word for you at your trial, 'cause after all,
your heart's in the right place, even if you did kill all those people.
But please give up your plan, Pammie, sweetie, honey, baby.
Please, please, please give up your plan!
What? No! Harley, the Earth is dying. I'm not destroying the world!
I'm saving it!
Saving it from the takers and the users.
We've been surrounded by men like that all our lives.
But we can change them.
Trim them. Shape them like a good gardener.
I don't want to do it. I have to do it.
Well, you can't blame a girl for tryin'.
Concentrated weed-killer.
I always keep some on hand since the lollipop incident.
I thought we were friends!
Red, friends don't let friends kill seven billion people.
You really are an idiot, Harley.
We could've changed the world, but you're too dumb to see that.
Oh, yeah?
Smart enough to take away your spankin' stick.
Pretty cool, huh?
No. That is cool.
You suck.
Seriously, Pammie, your plan is totally bat-shit bonkers!
They're killing our world! What else can I do?
I don't know. Vote Democrat, give money to Greenpeace.
That's for saving whales, moron!
Whatever!
Anything's better than turning us all into walkin' brussels sprouts!
I can do this all night.
I don't have that kind of time.
No fair!
That's it? The virus?
The solution.
To all the world's problems.
One way or another.
What's that supposed to mean?
My God, Pammie.
You haven't even tested it yet, have you? Have you?
Batman said that if you get just one teensy weensy thing wrong,
you could wind up killing everything on the planet.
Everything, Pammie. Plants, people, animals.
Everything.
It doesn't matter. Earth will die anyway if I don't act.
I'm sorry, Harley, but I have to roll these dice.
You're gonna make me do it, aren't you?
Well, when this is all over, just remember,
I gave you a chance.
What are... No.
That's right, sweetie.
The nuclear option.
You promised me you'd never...
Harley, I'm warning you.
Don't you dare!
I hate you so much.
Works every time. Phew!
Holy crap!
Pamela, have you...
So, this is where your true allegiance lies.
With the cancerous meat.
We can't do this, Jason.
If we've made one miscalculation, the whole Earth will die.
A small risk. And one I'm more than willing to take.
Well, I'm not.
Pity.
Get him, Red!
The plant world belongs to me!
Red!
Okay, fugly.
You just bought yourself a first-class beatin'.
At last.
Humanity's lunatic reign is over!
No longer will this beautiful Earth be ravaged by poison and ignorance.
No more will this be a world of screaming meat!
Is... Is that...
Yes.
Swamp Thing.
Jason Woodrue.
The Earth has indeed suffered at the hands of mankind.
However,
this is not the way to right the wrongs done to Mother Gaea.
Though your cause is just,
your actions have upset the balance in the Green.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
Yes!
Watch, bet you he's gonna turn Plant Guy into a stump or somethin'.
But it is not my place to judge.
Wait, what?
All will be as it will be.
I return now to the Parliament of Trees,
to seek the hidden truths at the center of eternity.
No, no, no! Don't go!
To know unknowable nature
in all its infinite splendors.
Screw unknowable nature! Kick his butt!
Farewell.
Well, that was a big-ass bucket of nothing!
- Now what? - There must be a way.
- I got... - We've tried everything!
- The sonic disrupter barely fazed him! - What about...
And the bio-feedback Batarangs didn't do squat!
- Guys! - What?
Look, you're pros here and all, but...
Well, he's all leafy and everything.
Anybody got a match?
Aw, shucks.
After my wife ran off with the pizza delivery guy,
my OCD started flaring up again really bad.
I've been getting up six or seven times a night,
making sure the windows and doors are locked.
My boss is on my case all the time about my productivity,
since I have a hard time peeing anywhere but my home bathroom.
I lost my wife,
now I may lose my job, my house, my cats,
my collection of vintage toasters and vacuum cleaners.
If I can't get this problem under control, I don't know what I'm gonna do.
It sounds to me like you're a little bit blue.
Uh, yeah.
And that part about you being wee-wee shy, oh, that's rough.
I had this cellmate at Arkham with the same problem.
I says to her, "Sugar, we got a glass wall and a toilet in the middle of the floor.
"Urine trouble!"
Can you help me?
'Course I can, silly.
I'm a regular Dr. Quinn, Medicine Person, ain't I?
I am legally required to remind you that my doctorate is purely honorary,
and I am not a currently-accredited mental health professional.
Okay.
Well, Wessie. Okay if I call you "Wessie"?
- I... I don't really like... - Well, Wessie,
you could clearly benefit from therapy. I know I did.
But one thing I learned is that you never get the most out of stuff
when it's just handed to you. You gotta earn it. Right, everybody?
Now, as everybody knows,
the road to mental wellness is paved with pitfalls.
But all you gotta do is make it to that finish line way over there
to win a full year of therapy from a real, honest-to-goodness shrink.
Come on, don't be like that. I got faith in you, Wessie.
Time to turn your life around
and start feeling good about yourself again.
On your mark, get set,
get healthy!
You have to look through the rain to see the rainbow.
You'll find love when you stop lookin'.
Hang in there, baby!
It takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile.
Aw... Ain't that a shame?
Wendel is headed back to his crummy house and all those cats
without getting the help he so desperately needs.
Oh, well, that's it for today's show. Till next time, folks.
Be good to yourselves.
'Cause everyone else in the world is probably out to get you.
Bye-bye!