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Back in the '90s,
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making the Earth a greener place
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was on everyone's mind.
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From Earth Day celebrations
to "Save the Whale" protests,
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environmental awareness was everywhere,
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even movies and TV.
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And this had a profound effect
on Principal Glascott.
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Last night, I saw an incredible film
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that shook me to my very core.
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"Waterworld"? I heard that movie sucked.
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- That's weird, 'cause I heard you suck!
- Hey!
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I'm sorry,
but we have to save the planet
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before global warming melts the ice caps
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and we're all living in
a bleak, waterlogged world
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where fresh dirt is currency!
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- Sounds like Tampa.
- If you ask me,
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the most accurate portrayal
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of not respecting our environment
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is the adorable animated gem
"FernGully."
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- Oh, God.
- What?
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And when you got to the theater,
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where'd you park your Big Wheel?
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Yeah, I'm not a child, Rick.
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I Rollerbladed there, so...
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Look, all I ask is
that we all do our part
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to save Mother Earth.
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I've done my part.
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In high school, I recycled
the same essay six times.
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Instead of focusing
on the bleak darkness
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of John Glascott's future soggy Earth,
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how about we linger
on the present brightness
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of Rick Mellor's...
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- new baseball stadium?
- Whoa!
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After six long years of waiting,
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we are finally ready to break ground.
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Is that a little Orange Julius stand?
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Well, I see no one else
is concerned about
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the plight of the planet,
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so, once again, it's up to
John Glascott, eco-warrior,
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to save our precious Mother Earth
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by his own damn self.
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John, uh, you left your car
running in the parking lot again.
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Dammit, Coop! Your timing sucks!
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♪ One of these days,
you're gonna get outta here ♪
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♪ Live your life and finally be free ♪
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♪ Go where you wanna go,
do what you wanna do ♪
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♪ Someday, you will say
"Those were the days" ♪
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It was April 22nd, 1990-something,
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and all the students
were gearing up for the day
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that would make or break
any high school yearbook...
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the Senior Superlatives.
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I can't wait.
I want to win "Best Smile"!
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It'll make five years
of picking roast beef
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out of my braces worth it.
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Come on.
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Ms. Howell?
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Oh, crap, Anna,
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I didn't know anyone was still here.
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Did you need something?
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I'm a little worried
about the superlatives.
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I-I don't want to get "Most Quiet."
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Huh? What?
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"Most Quiet"?
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I don't even know why
we have these things.
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It makes everyone feel bad.
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It's like, "Everyone, here I am,
the shy girl.
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Come look at the shy girl.
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Hey."
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I hear you... barely.
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But I'll tell you what.
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Ms. Lewis is heading up
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the Yearbook Committee this year.
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I'll have a little chat
with her, see what we can do.
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- Thanks, Ms. Howell.
- Not a problem.
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That's what teachers are here for.
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Now, where did she go?
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That girl needs to wear corduroys
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or a bell or something.
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Lainey...
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you gotta cut the Senior Superlatives.
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They're outdated and petty
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and, quite frankly,
"Waterworld"-level stupid.
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No way!
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The students love them.
And they're so much fun.
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Not for everyone.
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Anna Whitman's so terrified
she's gonna get "Most Quiet,"
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she spoke up to the point
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that I actually could hear her.
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Superlatives are a school tradition
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that have been awarded in the yearbook
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since 1890-something.
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Look, "Finest Bonnet,"
"Chastest Couple"...
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- Hmm.
- ..."Most Comely Ankles."
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Oh, wow, she really is blessed
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with quite the pair of foot-toppers.
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Sure, but how do you think
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"Least Likely to Survive
the Winter" felt?
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Sufficiently warned.
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Come on, Wilma, the kids have
looked forward to this.
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Spoken like someone who probably won
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"Best Dressed," maybe "Cutest."
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Or was it "Most Amazing Person
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Everyone Wants to Be Friends With"?
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Oh, stop. It was just the first two.
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The last one's ridiculous.
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Wait, why are there teachers'
names on this ballot?
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This year,
the Yearbook Committee decided
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it would be cool to add in
Teacher Superlatives.
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Yearbook Committee, huh?
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You had nothing to do with it?
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Oh, no, it was totally my idea.
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While I was defending old traditions,
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Mellor and CB were ready
to start a new day.
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Fancy restaurant leftovers
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or actual miniature swan
wrapped in foil?
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It's leftovers from my date last night.
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She, um... She dipped out
right before dessert,
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said she had to go put money in the
meters, but there were no meters.
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- And I drove.
- I think I know what the problem is.
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You say you drove last night?
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A gentleman always drives.
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Does a gentleman always
"Brake for Velociraptors"?
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Should have picked her up
in your other car...
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The Batmobile.
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A car says a lot about a man, CB,
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and yours says, "I'm 14."
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- Hacky Sacks.
- Mm-hmm.
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Comic books.
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Yeah.
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Magic linking rings.
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Yeah.
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Not to mention
an elderly frog in a bathrobe.
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Yoda, you know not?
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Did you speak to your date
like that last night?
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No. Although,
when the waiter came, I said,
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"Start us off with drinks, you can."
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Okay, this is a complete teardown.
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Some advice... when you
first start dating a woman,
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maybe hide yourself a bit.
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And don't overload her
with all your eccentricities.
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It'll freak her out.
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Lying about who I am seems wrong.
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I'm not asking you to lie,
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but maybe don't flaunt it
right out of the gate.
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Yeah, because what I've been doing
hasn't been working.
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- No.
- So I could try something like that.
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What do I talk about?
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Whatever she's into.
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And then go all-in on that.
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Oh, I see.
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But what if she's into Yoda?
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100% she's not.
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- But you never even met her.
- 100%.
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Mellor had given CB some dating advice.
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And little did he know,
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he was about to put it to the test.
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Hey, Rick, CB,
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I'd like for you to meet Paloma.
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She is an eco-consultant that I hired
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to help turn William Penn
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into the school that saved the planet.
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That's the goal,
through recycling, composting,
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and reducing waste.
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Actually, she's looking for
a green captain...
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someone to work side-by...
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CB can do it.
CB loves himself some Earth.
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Great. Glad to have you on board.
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It's always nice to have
a fellow eco-warrior at my side.
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Hey, that's me... eco-warrior CB.
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So, go, environment.
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Whoo! Gotta love that Earth!
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- Yeah, [bleep] pollution.
- Whoa!
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No, it's okay. He's right.
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That's pretty much my company's slogan.
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Let me show you the lunch room.
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As CB took a first step with Paloma,
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Wilma was taking steps to protect Anna.
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¿Qué pasa?
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Dammit, Coop!
Why are you sneaking around?
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I'm not sneaking.
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I'm still cleaning up
after my AP Spanish Taco Party.
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What you doin'?
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I'm trying to protect a child
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from the cruel, cruel world
of yearbook superlatives.
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Step aside. All right.
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Looks like you've done this a lot.
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Oh, yeah, my kids are constantly
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locking themselves
in bathrooms, bedrooms...
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basically, any room with a door.
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I'm thinking about
going doorless... or kidless.
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Ah.
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Okay.
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- Yes!
- All right.
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So, what exactly is the plan here?
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Well, if Anna won "Most Quiet,"
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I'm gonna fudge the results
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and swap her out for Phil Jones.
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Oh, Phil. Sweet kid.
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Had him in Spanish last year.
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No, you didn't. He doesn't exist.
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Made-up name just vague enough
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to sound like it's actually someone.
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- Okay.
- Oh, good. She didn't win.
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Oh. You know who did win?
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You, for "Coolest Teacher."
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Oh, my God, is this a joke?
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Kids can be so mean!
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Mean? What are you talking about?
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All the kids in my class
think you're very cool.
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- No way!
- Yeah.
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Well, I guess I am kinda cool.
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And what makes me even cooler
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is I never thought I'd be cool.
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Don't use that
in your acceptance speech.
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Wilma had completed her mission.
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And the next morning,
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CB was on a mission to impress Paloma
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by exaggerating how much of
an eco-warrior he was.
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It's so great to have a Green Captain
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who really walks the walk.
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Yeah, I've been a green guy
for the longest time.
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I remember what did it for me.
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I was on vacation scuba diving
with my family.
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And I saw this poor sea turtle
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00:07:03,889 --> 00:07:05,555
tangled up in plastic six-pack rings,
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00:07:05,657 --> 00:07:07,090
and that was that.
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So, what did it for you?
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Oh, gosh. There's just been so many.
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I think a big one was
when I went to Alaska
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and there was this big oil company
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that wanted to drill on native land.
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So an Inuit woman and I
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actually rallied the locals
to fend them off.
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- Oh, my God.
- Yeah.
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You know,
that actually sounds a lot like
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that Steven Seagal movie
"On Deadly Ground."
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Yeah, it's a pretty universal story.
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Hey, CB, here's the copy
of "Infinity Gauntlet"
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you asked to borrow.
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I never asked to borrow a comic.
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Yeah, you called me last night.
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- You woke up my entire house.
- I did.
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So that you remembered to recycle.
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So, good... job.
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Um, I'll give you $5 later.
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Just go along with it. Just...
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Yup, CB was determined to win her over.
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Oh, wow!
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A crimson brushpiper!
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They're a protected species, you know.
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Oh. Yeah.
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Huge brushpiper guy.
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00:08:00,145 --> 00:08:01,611
- Hey, CB! You wanna...
- Whatever it is, I don't do it!
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00:08:01,713 --> 00:08:02,879
Believe it or not,
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00:08:02,981 --> 00:08:05,315
Mellor's advice was actually
kinda working.
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What's crazy is,
we're cooling the school
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but heating the planet.
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Death by irony.
Take that, Alanis Morissette.
259
00:08:11,190 --> 00:08:12,556
Right.
260
00:08:12,658 --> 00:08:14,891
But also, it's been really fun
hanging out with you.
261
00:08:14,993 --> 00:08:16,393
Yeah.
262
00:08:16,495 --> 00:08:19,129
Um... do you want to go out sometime?
263
00:08:19,231 --> 00:08:21,598
- Maybe dinner, something?
- I'd love to.
264
00:08:21,700 --> 00:08:23,333
There's this new vegan
restaurant called Veg Out.
265
00:08:23,435 --> 00:08:24,401
Wanna meet me there at 8:00?
266
00:08:24,503 --> 00:08:25,902
Lettuce meet there.
267
00:08:26,004 --> 00:08:27,003
Ha!
268
00:08:27,105 --> 00:08:29,105
That's a bad joke I heard
a lame guy say once.
269
00:08:29,208 --> 00:08:30,207
Okay.
270
00:08:30,309 --> 00:08:31,274
All right.
271
00:08:31,376 --> 00:08:32,742
Goodb... Goodbye!
272
00:08:32,845 --> 00:08:34,991
Stupid. I gotta stop.
273
00:08:35,569 --> 00:08:36,920
Wilma was officially
274
00:08:36,983 --> 00:08:38,780
the coolest teacher at William Penn,
275
00:08:38,825 --> 00:08:40,024
even if no one knew it yet.
276
00:08:40,093 --> 00:08:42,243
And she had no problem
embracing her new title.
277
00:08:42,314 --> 00:08:45,142
Oh, my God! You look amazing!
278
00:08:45,220 --> 00:08:47,017
I do. I really do.
279
00:08:47,085 --> 00:08:49,185
Hello, everyone.
This is Principal Glascott.
280
00:08:49,254 --> 00:08:51,247
If you don't know me by now...
281
00:08:51,302 --> 00:08:52,722
Okay, the tallies are in,
282
00:08:52,791 --> 00:08:54,858
and it's time to announce
the yearbook superlatives,
283
00:08:54,927 --> 00:08:56,426
starting with the teachers.
284
00:08:56,495 --> 00:08:58,828
Oh, Wilma, you might want
to cover your delicate ears.
285
00:08:58,897 --> 00:09:00,664
- Feelings might get hurt.
- Uh-huh. Okay, then.
286
00:09:00,732 --> 00:09:02,198
"Best Shoulder to Cry On"...
287
00:09:02,267 --> 00:09:03,300
What's this?
288
00:09:03,368 --> 00:09:05,101
Principal Glascott?
289
00:09:05,203 --> 00:09:07,237
Oh, you guys!
290
00:09:07,306 --> 00:09:09,439
Well, I do have an open-shoulder policy
291
00:09:09,508 --> 00:09:11,574
and a very soft sweater vest.
292
00:09:11,677 --> 00:09:13,209
Okay, and now
293
00:09:13,278 --> 00:09:15,445
the title of "Coolest Teacher"...
294
00:09:15,514 --> 00:09:17,681
Well, I think we all know
who's gonna win this one.
295
00:09:17,783 --> 00:09:19,182
...goes to
296
00:09:19,284 --> 00:09:22,118
Ms. Wilma Howell!
297
00:09:22,187 --> 00:09:23,553
What the hell?!
298
00:09:23,622 --> 00:09:25,755
Well, I'll be! That's fun!
299
00:09:25,824 --> 00:09:27,390
I thought you hated superlatives!
300
00:09:27,459 --> 00:09:29,759
Well, it's just
an instinctive human response
301
00:09:29,861 --> 00:09:32,228
when you find out
your students have deemed you
302
00:09:32,297 --> 00:09:34,864
far more cooler than any other teacher.
303
00:09:34,933 --> 00:09:36,700
Okay, all teacher superlative winners,
304
00:09:36,802 --> 00:09:38,568
please report to the gym for photos.
305
00:09:38,670 --> 00:09:39,869
Oh, there's photos?
306
00:09:39,972 --> 00:09:41,004
Wait a minute.
307
00:09:41,073 --> 00:09:43,039
And now on to the students...
308
00:09:43,141 --> 00:09:44,307
Cool top,
309
00:09:44,376 --> 00:09:47,143
gorgeous hair, camera-ready makeup?
310
00:09:47,212 --> 00:09:48,545
You knew you were gonna win.
311
00:09:48,647 --> 00:09:49,713
What?!
312
00:09:49,781 --> 00:09:51,348
That's a wild accusation!
313
00:09:51,416 --> 00:09:52,582
It was a secret ballot.
314
00:09:52,651 --> 00:09:54,184
I didn't even know who was gonna win.
315
00:09:54,252 --> 00:09:56,219
The only way to know was
to open up the sealed envelope,
316
00:09:56,288 --> 00:09:57,965
and to do that, you'd have to be inside
317
00:09:58,020 --> 00:09:59,055
the yearbook classroom.
318
00:09:59,124 --> 00:10:01,257
Okay, so I got a sneak peek
at the results!
319
00:10:01,326 --> 00:10:03,226
But I only did it because
I wanted to help Anna
320
00:10:03,328 --> 00:10:05,195
in case she got "Most Quiet."
321
00:10:05,297 --> 00:10:06,997
And then you found out you won,
322
00:10:07,065 --> 00:10:08,898
and now you're like, "Oh, who me?
323
00:10:08,967 --> 00:10:10,033
This ol' thing?
324
00:10:10,135 --> 00:10:11,434
I guess I'll move to Hollywood
325
00:10:11,536 --> 00:10:12,702
and star in a movie
called 'Coolest Teacher'
326
00:10:12,804 --> 00:10:14,704
that'll open up to mediocre reviews!"
327
00:10:14,806 --> 00:10:17,307
The reviews are in,
and they are glorious!
328
00:10:18,543 --> 00:10:20,710
I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. Glascott!
329
00:10:22,180 --> 00:10:24,214
While Wilma was gloating over her win,
330
00:10:24,282 --> 00:10:26,716
CB was psyched to tell Mellor
all about his date.
331
00:10:26,818 --> 00:10:27,751
Rick, hey.
332
00:10:27,819 --> 00:10:29,152
Your advice is really working.
333
00:10:29,221 --> 00:10:32,222
Seriously, Paloma and I
are like two peas in a pod,
334
00:10:32,290 --> 00:10:33,590
which is coincidentally what we ate
335
00:10:33,658 --> 00:10:35,325
at Veg Out last night,
and it was delicious.
336
00:10:35,394 --> 00:10:38,261
I never knew that you could do
so much with a legume.
337
00:10:38,363 --> 00:10:40,663
Well, you've proven to be
very coachable, young Charles.
338
00:10:40,766 --> 00:10:42,287
And as you know,
that's the greatest compliment
339
00:10:42,326 --> 00:10:43,335
I can give anybody.
340
00:10:43,368 --> 00:10:45,068
- Well, seriously, I owe you one.
- Forget about it.
341
00:10:45,137 --> 00:10:46,936
Just name your first born after me.
342
00:10:47,039 --> 00:10:48,605
Rick's a great name for a boy.
343
00:10:48,673 --> 00:10:49,806
Or a girl.
344
00:10:52,244 --> 00:10:54,710
All right, John, I'm ready
for the Mellor Dome confab.
345
00:10:54,749 --> 00:10:57,113
- Oh, hi, Paloma.
- Actually, Paloma just alerted me
346
00:10:57,215 --> 00:10:58,815
that we are having a bit of an issue
347
00:10:58,884 --> 00:10:59,983
with the new stadium site.
348
00:11:00,052 --> 00:11:01,851
CB and I found
an endangered bird species,
349
00:11:01,953 --> 00:11:03,086
the crimson brushpiper,
350
00:11:03,155 --> 00:11:05,155
so we're gonna need to do
an environmental survey.
351
00:11:05,223 --> 00:11:06,256
All right, well, crank that out,
352
00:11:06,324 --> 00:11:07,791
and we'll be ready
to break ground tomorrow.
353
00:11:07,893 --> 00:11:09,292
A-Actually, this could take months,
354
00:11:09,394 --> 00:11:11,294
and the land could be deemed
a protected reserve,
355
00:11:11,363 --> 00:11:12,695
where nothing can ever be built.
356
00:11:12,764 --> 00:11:14,731
Well, I'm deeming you a dream crusher.
357
00:11:14,833 --> 00:11:16,533
Come on, John.
You can't let her do this.
358
00:11:16,635 --> 00:11:18,501
I'm sorry, Rick, but this isn't my call.
359
00:11:18,603 --> 00:11:20,303
We need to bring this to a higher power.
360
00:11:20,372 --> 00:11:21,638
Are you talking about the Lord?
361
00:11:21,706 --> 00:11:24,140
'Cause He'll go baseball
over birds any day.
362
00:11:24,242 --> 00:11:26,142
Not the Lord, the board.
363
00:11:26,211 --> 00:11:28,826
We need to have an open hearing
on this. I'll set it up.
364
00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:31,347
And I'll moderate.
365
00:11:31,450 --> 00:11:33,349
It'll finally give me a chance
to use this
366
00:11:33,418 --> 00:11:35,752
for something other
than cracking walnuts.
367
00:11:37,355 --> 00:11:38,922
I'll see you two in bird court!
368
00:11:39,024 --> 00:11:41,958
As Glascott was bringing down
the hammer, or gavel,
369
00:11:42,027 --> 00:11:44,627
Wilma was still pumped up
over her yearbook superlative.
370
00:11:44,729 --> 00:11:46,529
Yes!
371
00:11:46,631 --> 00:11:48,098
Hello!
372
00:11:48,166 --> 00:11:50,100
Oh, good, a second pair of eyes.
373
00:11:50,168 --> 00:11:51,301
What do you think, Anna?
374
00:11:51,403 --> 00:11:53,203
Which reads more like "Diana Ross
375
00:11:53,305 --> 00:11:55,472
leaving the Super Bowl Halftime
in a helicopter"?
376
00:11:55,574 --> 00:11:56,539
I don't know.
377
00:11:56,608 --> 00:11:58,508
My parents think football's too violent.
378
00:11:58,610 --> 00:12:01,111
Oh. So, how are you feeling?
379
00:12:01,213 --> 00:12:02,679
Pretty relieved you didn't
get "Most Quiet"?
380
00:12:02,747 --> 00:12:04,948
Yeah, but I'm a little sad
381
00:12:05,050 --> 00:12:06,716
because Victor Ramos did get it.
382
00:12:06,785 --> 00:12:08,551
Look at you. So considerate.
383
00:12:08,620 --> 00:12:10,153
Maybe you should have won
"Biggest Heart."
384
00:12:10,255 --> 00:12:12,188
No, I-I don't want a title.
385
00:12:12,257 --> 00:12:13,623
Gunning for "Most Humble," too?
386
00:12:13,725 --> 00:12:14,924
No.
387
00:12:14,993 --> 00:12:16,993
I thought we both agreed
that the superlatives are bad
388
00:12:17,095 --> 00:12:18,661
and you were gonna try
to get rid of them.
389
00:12:18,730 --> 00:12:19,662
I tried.
390
00:12:19,764 --> 00:12:21,164
It's just that they're really popular,
391
00:12:21,266 --> 00:12:22,665
and it's a tradition.
392
00:12:22,734 --> 00:12:24,767
You know, sometimes
you just got to go with the flow
393
00:12:24,870 --> 00:12:26,503
and be happy for the people who won.
394
00:12:26,605 --> 00:12:27,937
You were a lot cooler
395
00:12:28,039 --> 00:12:29,939
before you won "Coolest Teacher."
396
00:12:31,376 --> 00:12:34,544
Remember, don't throw out
those greasy pizza napkins,
397
00:12:34,613 --> 00:12:37,147
'cause they can be repurposed
into scented notebook paper.
398
00:12:37,249 --> 00:12:38,581
CB, can I talk to you for a second?
399
00:12:38,683 --> 00:12:40,049
Abso-fruitly.
400
00:12:40,152 --> 00:12:41,251
One second.
401
00:12:42,587 --> 00:12:43,520
What's up, Rick?
402
00:12:43,622 --> 00:12:45,221
My new stadium is being put on hold,
403
00:12:45,323 --> 00:12:46,322
possibly forever,
404
00:12:46,424 --> 00:12:48,224
because your lady friend
wants to turn the land
405
00:12:48,326 --> 00:12:50,293
into some kind of a weird love field,
406
00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:53,229
where filthy hippies
run around naked with birds!
407
00:12:53,331 --> 00:12:54,364
Oh, wow.
408
00:12:54,466 --> 00:12:55,765
- I-I'm... I'm sorry, Rick.
- Good.
409
00:12:55,834 --> 00:12:57,066
Well, please go talk to Paloma
410
00:12:57,169 --> 00:12:58,568
and make this whole thing go away.
411
00:12:58,637 --> 00:13:00,937
- No can do-skees.
- Why not-skees?
412
00:13:00,962 --> 00:13:01,966
Paloma has taught me
413
00:13:02,005 --> 00:13:04,474
that we all have to make
sacrifices for the planet.
414
00:13:04,513 --> 00:13:06,609
So we can't just take away
a bird's home like that.
415
00:13:06,711 --> 00:13:08,244
You owe me. You said it yourself.
416
00:13:08,346 --> 00:13:09,445
Well, you said, "Forget about it."
417
00:13:09,548 --> 00:13:10,647
That's an expression,
418
00:13:10,749 --> 00:13:13,016
like when mobsters say,
"Fugget-aboud-it!"
419
00:13:13,118 --> 00:13:14,951
Everybody knows
they never forget about it.
420
00:13:15,053 --> 00:13:15,952
I'm sorry, Rick.
421
00:13:16,054 --> 00:13:17,921
I can't back you up on this one.
422
00:13:18,023 --> 00:13:20,256
Why are you acting like you're
Mr. Environment all of a sudden?
423
00:13:20,358 --> 00:13:22,058
You're only pretending
so Paloma will like you.
424
00:13:22,160 --> 00:13:23,726
Is that true, CB?
425
00:13:23,828 --> 00:13:25,228
What? No.
426
00:13:25,330 --> 00:13:26,629
No, no, no. I'm not...
427
00:13:26,731 --> 00:13:28,069
I-I mean, I might have been
pretending at first, but...
428
00:13:28,124 --> 00:13:30,700
Well, congrats.
You tricked me and I fell for it.
429
00:13:30,757 --> 00:13:31,827
Please.
430
00:13:35,392 --> 00:13:36,424
Thank you, Rick.
431
00:13:36,484 --> 00:13:39,474
Um, I really liked her, and you
ruined that, so...
432
00:13:39,544 --> 00:13:40,609
Well, if it wasn't for me,
433
00:13:40,680 --> 00:13:42,558
there never would have been
anything for me to ruin.
434
00:13:43,022 --> 00:13:44,849
It was time for the board
to decide the fate
435
00:13:44,912 --> 00:13:46,474
of Coach Mellor's new baseball stadium.
436
00:13:46,518 --> 00:13:48,428
Order in the bird court!
437
00:13:48,498 --> 00:13:51,465
First of all, if, uh,
anyone would like some walnuts
438
00:13:51,551 --> 00:13:54,879
or if you have nuts of your own
that you need cracking,
439
00:13:54,946 --> 00:13:57,647
please feel free to approach the bench.
440
00:13:57,716 --> 00:13:59,784
The chair recognizes Rick Mellor.
441
00:13:59,871 --> 00:14:01,637
Thank you, Your Honor.
442
00:14:02,807 --> 00:14:03,940
Mellor's entire case
443
00:14:03,988 --> 00:14:05,041
was built on the same thing
444
00:14:05,109 --> 00:14:06,292
he built all his cases on...
445
00:14:06,363 --> 00:14:08,243
in-your-face patriotism.
446
00:14:08,313 --> 00:14:11,214
Ladies and gentlemen of the gym,
I ask you,
447
00:14:11,316 --> 00:14:14,584
what does this flag symbolize?
448
00:14:14,634 --> 00:14:15,651
America!
449
00:14:18,790 --> 00:14:21,224
This apple pie?
450
00:14:21,326 --> 00:14:22,391
America.
451
00:14:23,561 --> 00:14:26,796
This beautiful rawhide-covered sphere
452
00:14:26,898 --> 00:14:29,198
adorned with red stitching?
453
00:14:30,301 --> 00:14:31,467
America.
454
00:14:31,536 --> 00:14:32,969
You know what isn't America?
455
00:14:33,071 --> 00:14:34,270
Birds!
456
00:14:34,339 --> 00:14:37,707
They crap all over
America's cars and dreams
457
00:14:37,775 --> 00:14:40,443
and have been known
to spend half the year
458
00:14:40,545 --> 00:14:41,844
in Canada!
459
00:14:42,947 --> 00:14:45,381
Mellor had the audience
in the palm of his hand,
460
00:14:45,450 --> 00:14:47,416
and it was looking like
his new stadium was a shoo-in.
461
00:14:47,518 --> 00:14:49,752
In conclusion, vote for my stadium
462
00:14:49,821 --> 00:14:52,989
because a vote for the bird
is a vote for communism!
463
00:14:54,125 --> 00:14:56,125
God bless America,
464
00:14:56,227 --> 00:14:59,998
land of the free
and home of the baseball!
465
00:15:01,599 --> 00:15:03,199
Paloma had a tough act to follow.
466
00:15:03,301 --> 00:15:04,732
But she gave it her all.
467
00:15:04,757 --> 00:15:05,778
So, as you can see,
468
00:15:05,803 --> 00:15:07,703
the migratory pattern
of the brushpiper...
469
00:15:07,772 --> 00:15:09,505
Unfortunately, facts and science
470
00:15:09,574 --> 00:15:12,174
always lose to a blowhard
screaming about America.
471
00:15:12,277 --> 00:15:13,843
Boo! Boring!
472
00:15:13,945 --> 00:15:16,012
Who wants some American pie?!
473
00:15:17,482 --> 00:15:19,248
- I object!
- Overruled.
474
00:15:19,350 --> 00:15:20,783
All seemed lost for Paloma,
475
00:15:20,852 --> 00:15:22,618
until something magical happened.
476
00:15:22,687 --> 00:15:24,086
Ca-caw! Save me!
477
00:15:24,155 --> 00:15:27,523
The big, mean baseball stadium
took my home!
478
00:15:27,625 --> 00:15:28,691
Ca-caw!
479
00:15:34,866 --> 00:15:36,799
Thank you. Thank you so much.
480
00:15:36,868 --> 00:15:38,901
I have a few things
I'd like to show the board.
481
00:15:39,003 --> 00:15:42,271
Now, there's nothing more...
magical than...
482
00:15:42,373 --> 00:15:44,373
Mother Nature.
483
00:15:44,442 --> 00:15:46,442
Meet the crimson brushpiper.
484
00:15:46,544 --> 00:15:48,311
- That's him?
- Yes, it is, Rick.
485
00:15:48,379 --> 00:15:50,613
Well, he's just adorable.
486
00:15:50,715 --> 00:15:52,281
He's looking at me.
487
00:15:52,383 --> 00:15:53,816
I feel like we could be friends.
488
00:15:53,918 --> 00:15:55,017
And if we protect him,
489
00:15:55,086 --> 00:15:56,786
next year, we can have even more.
490
00:15:56,888 --> 00:15:57,920
More friends?
491
00:15:57,989 --> 00:15:59,755
But if we don't protect him...
492
00:16:02,093 --> 00:16:03,526
Wait, where'd he go?
493
00:16:03,628 --> 00:16:04,593
I miss him!
494
00:16:04,662 --> 00:16:05,928
I miss him like crazy!
495
00:16:06,030 --> 00:16:07,063
I don't know, Rick.
496
00:16:07,165 --> 00:16:08,864
If we build your stadium,
497
00:16:08,933 --> 00:16:11,133
they may never be back again.
498
00:16:11,193 --> 00:16:12,134
No!
499
00:16:12,203 --> 00:16:13,436
This is America,
500
00:16:13,538 --> 00:16:15,304
home of the crimson brushpiper!
501
00:16:15,373 --> 00:16:16,505
Well, if that's what you think,
502
00:16:16,574 --> 00:16:18,641
then maybe you should side with nature
503
00:16:18,710 --> 00:16:20,509
and let the crimson brushpipers...
504
00:16:20,611 --> 00:16:21,911
flourish.
505
00:16:22,013 --> 00:16:23,212
Smoke, and...
506
00:16:26,718 --> 00:16:28,351
So many brushpipers.
507
00:16:28,453 --> 00:16:29,585
Those are actually doves.
508
00:16:29,687 --> 00:16:31,354
You put on quite a show.
509
00:16:31,456 --> 00:16:32,588
I had to do my thing, Rick.
510
00:16:32,690 --> 00:16:34,623
And that's what you should always do.
511
00:16:34,726 --> 00:16:36,959
I was wrong to tell you
not to be yourself.
512
00:16:37,028 --> 00:16:38,527
I tried to change you.
513
00:16:38,629 --> 00:16:41,530
And in the end... you changed me.
514
00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:44,667
Ladies and gentlemen,
515
00:16:44,769 --> 00:16:47,703
I am withdrawing my argument
against the crimson brushpiper.
516
00:16:47,805 --> 00:16:50,573
We will refurbish the existing stadium.
517
00:16:50,675 --> 00:16:53,442
Well, it's official. The birds win!
518
00:16:54,712 --> 00:16:56,245
Now, would someone get these birds?!
519
00:16:56,314 --> 00:16:58,447
They are eating all of my walnuts!
520
00:16:58,549 --> 00:16:59,648
Thanks so much. Thank you for coming.
521
00:16:59,751 --> 00:17:01,584
While CB had won big-time,
522
00:17:01,652 --> 00:17:03,252
Wilma had never looked so defeated.
523
00:17:03,321 --> 00:17:04,553
What's going on? Talk to me.
524
00:17:04,622 --> 00:17:05,788
When I got "Coolest Teacher,"
525
00:17:05,857 --> 00:17:07,123
I got carried away
526
00:17:07,225 --> 00:17:09,058
and stopped thinking
about students like Anna,
527
00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:10,126
and I shouldn't have,
528
00:17:10,228 --> 00:17:11,794
because I've been
on the other side of it.
529
00:17:11,863 --> 00:17:14,163
Back in high school,
I got voted "Most Studious."
530
00:17:14,232 --> 00:17:15,531
Oh, well, that seems accurate.
531
00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:17,833
It was code for "Biggest Nerd."
532
00:17:17,935 --> 00:17:19,468
The girl who didn't go to parties,
533
00:17:19,570 --> 00:17:21,303
read "Encyclopedia Britannica" for fun,
534
00:17:21,372 --> 00:17:24,473
and went to prom alone
'cause her cousin said "no."
535
00:17:24,498 --> 00:17:25,399
I'm sorry.
536
00:17:25,424 --> 00:17:27,649
It's still pretty awkward
at family reunions.
537
00:17:27,712 --> 00:17:30,713
Anyway, I'm embarrassed
that getting a good superlative
538
00:17:30,782 --> 00:17:32,815
made me forget how hurtful they can be.
539
00:17:32,884 --> 00:17:34,383
But they're supposed
to make you feel good.
540
00:17:34,452 --> 00:17:35,751
The word starts with "super."
541
00:17:35,853 --> 00:17:37,319
Not when they're ones like
542
00:17:37,422 --> 00:17:40,790
"Most Quiet," "Most Studious,"
or "Most Unique."
543
00:17:40,858 --> 00:17:42,858
Or when they don't get anything at all.
544
00:17:42,927 --> 00:17:45,761
Yeah, now I know how that feels.
It's not great.
545
00:17:45,786 --> 00:17:46,813
You know what?
546
00:17:46,838 --> 00:17:47,997
I say this year,
547
00:17:48,065 --> 00:17:49,632
we start making everyone
feel good, for once.
548
00:17:49,702 --> 00:17:51,120
- Can we do that?
- Yeah.
549
00:17:51,151 --> 00:17:53,002
I'm the yearbook adviser.
I can do anything.
550
00:17:54,205 --> 00:17:55,871
Thank you. Thank you.
551
00:17:57,675 --> 00:18:00,576
Well, for someone who isn't
that into the environment,
552
00:18:00,645 --> 00:18:02,378
you sure made a strong case for it.
553
00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:04,079
I'm sorry I misrepresented myself.
554
00:18:04,182 --> 00:18:06,682
It's just I, uh... I really liked you,
555
00:18:06,751 --> 00:18:08,050
and I didn't want you to get scared off
556
00:18:08,119 --> 00:18:10,152
from all the nerdy stuff I'm into.
557
00:18:10,221 --> 00:18:12,588
- What stuff?
- Shadow puppets, silly voices, magic.
558
00:18:12,690 --> 00:18:14,590
Mm, I only have one thing
to say to that.
559
00:18:15,927 --> 00:18:18,494
I don't think any of that stuff
is weird at all.
560
00:18:18,596 --> 00:18:20,162
Well, I have one thing to say to that.
561
00:18:21,132 --> 00:18:22,465
Boom!
562
00:18:24,335 --> 00:18:25,968
- That was really good.
- Thank you.
563
00:18:26,037 --> 00:18:27,837
- Hey, everyone.
- Listen up, guys.
564
00:18:27,905 --> 00:18:29,205
Even though the senior superlatives
565
00:18:29,273 --> 00:18:30,639
were announced earlier this week,
566
00:18:30,708 --> 00:18:32,508
we have a few more to give out.
567
00:18:32,610 --> 00:18:34,276
You all have something
that makes you one of a kind,
568
00:18:34,378 --> 00:18:36,078
and today we're going to celebrate that.
569
00:18:36,180 --> 00:18:37,847
To Brad Kramer,
570
00:18:37,949 --> 00:18:40,182
in honor of his classroom wisecracks,
571
00:18:40,251 --> 00:18:41,450
I give him the superlative for
572
00:18:41,519 --> 00:18:43,152
"Best at Lightening the Mood."
573
00:18:43,254 --> 00:18:45,321
Yes!
574
00:18:45,423 --> 00:18:47,723
- Jokester.
- For Samantha Zachrich
575
00:18:47,792 --> 00:18:49,158
and her incredible notebook doodles,
576
00:18:49,260 --> 00:18:50,793
I give you "Most Artistic."
577
00:18:52,029 --> 00:18:53,529
Well done.
578
00:18:53,631 --> 00:18:55,564
Sometimes the recipient
keeps a low profile,
579
00:18:55,666 --> 00:18:58,634
so their award-worthiness
isn't so easy to see.
580
00:18:58,736 --> 00:19:00,569
That's why I'm happy to give
581
00:19:00,671 --> 00:19:04,039
"Most Likely to Speak Up
and Change the World"
582
00:19:04,108 --> 00:19:05,274
to Anna Whitman.
583
00:19:09,714 --> 00:19:11,947
- Thank you.
- You're welcome. My pleasure.
584
00:19:13,184 --> 00:19:17,253
Jennifer Weisner,
"Most Original Project."
585
00:19:17,355 --> 00:19:18,821
Ernest Hemingway once said,
586
00:19:18,923 --> 00:19:21,893
"The world is a fine place
and worth fighting for."
587
00:19:21,951 --> 00:19:23,717
Sometimes it just takes an old friend
588
00:19:23,768 --> 00:19:24,770
to help you realize it.
589
00:19:26,831 --> 00:19:29,164
Other times, it takes a new friend
590
00:19:29,267 --> 00:19:31,929
to help you see that you're
fine just the way you are.
591
00:19:34,171 --> 00:19:36,739
So don't ever
compare yourself to others.
592
00:19:36,807 --> 00:19:40,309
Because the truth is,
we're all special and unique.
593
00:19:47,671 --> 00:19:50,731
You just have to let
your true self shine through.
594
00:20:07,471 --> 00:20:09,509
Well, I hope everyone
enjoyed their long weekend.
595
00:20:09,595 --> 00:20:11,367
I, myself, snuggled up on the couch
596
00:20:11,438 --> 00:20:14,117
and watched a couple
of fantastic movies.
597
00:20:14,187 --> 00:20:16,547
That shook me to my core!
598
00:20:16,625 --> 00:20:18,591
- God, here we go.
- "Volcano"!
599
00:20:18,693 --> 00:20:20,326
We're talking end of days, people!
600
00:20:20,428 --> 00:20:22,528
There are no volcanoes
anywhere near here.
601
00:20:22,631 --> 00:20:25,063
Yeah, that's what Tommy Lee Jones
said, and then, boom!
602
00:20:25,157 --> 00:20:27,251
L.A. became a lava-filled hellscape!
603
00:20:28,470 --> 00:20:29,369
"Twister"!
604
00:20:29,471 --> 00:20:30,770
Mother Nature is pissed!
605
00:20:30,848 --> 00:20:31,887
"Armageddon"!
606
00:20:31,949 --> 00:20:33,047
What's out there?
607
00:20:33,141 --> 00:20:34,474
"Independence Day"!
608
00:20:34,576 --> 00:20:35,842
Who's out there?
609
00:20:35,944 --> 00:20:37,143
"The Sixth Sense."
610
00:20:37,245 --> 00:20:38,878
Guys, be honest with me.
611
00:20:38,980 --> 00:20:40,413
Am I dead?
612
00:20:40,515 --> 00:20:41,514
"Dante's Peak"!
613
00:20:41,616 --> 00:20:42,849
Another volcano!
614
00:20:42,951 --> 00:20:45,218
But now with Pierce Brosnan!
615
00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:46,352
"Face/Off"!
616
00:20:46,454 --> 00:20:48,955
Who wants to switch faces
with ol' Glascott?
617
00:20:49,057 --> 00:20:50,723
The technology is there.
618
00:20:50,825 --> 00:20:52,844
John, can I see
your West Coast Video card?
619
00:20:52,894 --> 00:20:54,460
Yeah, sure.
620
00:20:55,187 --> 00:20:56,860
Great.
621
00:20:58,750 --> 00:21:00,750
Thank you.
622
00:21:00,852 --> 00:21:05,852
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com