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Back in the '90s,
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one of the biggest toy fads
was Beanie Babies.
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These cute little stuffed animals
took the world by storm.
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People would flock
to shopping malls in a mad dash
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to collect as many as they could,
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and they were especially
popular at William Penn.
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What's your poison?
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I need Claude the Crab.
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- That'll cost you $40.
- Hey!
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You know there's no dealing
Beanies on school grounds.
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Beat it before I tell Glascott.
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I got Claude the Crab for $30.
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That's right, suckers.
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You're looking at a first-edition
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mint-condition Patti the Platty!
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I did a lot of things I'm not
proud of to get this Beanie Baby.
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You do know you're drooling
over a bag of beans,
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and you're also adults?
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Says the guy who loves Tamagotchis,
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Furbys, Koosh balls...
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"Harry Potter," "Goosebumps"...
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Pokémon, Magic: The Gathering...
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- Pogs, man. Pogs?
- Oh, come on!
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It says right there on the Pog
package "fun for all ages."
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But this whole Beanie Baby
craze? Don't get it.
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- But they're so cute and cuddly.
- Uh, look, don't touch.
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Because, you know, your hands are gross.
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Any way you'd... part with Patti?
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Come on. How much we talking?
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You collect these things, too?
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Collect? No. I flip 'em.
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Buy low, sell high, reap the rewards.
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Above-ground pool, here I come!
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These things double in value every day.
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Ask Warren Buffett.
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He'll tell you...
sell stocks, buy beanies.
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- You're all fools.
- I know, right?
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What I mean is, there's a 100% chance
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that one day we'll all be living
in a post-apocalyptic world
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where Beanie Babies are
the only form of legal tender.
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Do I sound this stupid talking about
all the weird stuff that I like?
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You'll be a believer when
you're scavenging for scraps
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and I live like a king...
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trading Pinchers the Lobster
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for matches, seeds,
and ice-cold drinking water.
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Do you seriously believe that?
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Oh, I do.
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It's the only way
I can justify spending $600
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on a bean-stuffed crustacean
in an eBay bidding war.
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Can I pet it?
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♪ One of these days,
you're gonna get outta here ♪
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♪ Live your life and finally be free ♪
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♪ Go where you wanna go,
do what you wanna do ♪
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♪ Someday, you will say
"Those were the days" ♪
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It was December 11th, 1990-something,
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and Wilma was about to discover
a holiday surprise.
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Well, I'll be damned!
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It's happening.
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It's happening!
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Look what's on the card shelves
this year.
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- Kwanzaa?
- That's right.
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And as we all know,
once we make it to Hallmark,
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that means we're official!
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Move over, Santa.
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If you can, you fat sack of garbage.
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- Whoa! Whoa!
- Whoa!
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I'm sorry, but come on. Kwanzaa?
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Oh. I'm Jehovah's Witness,
so we really don't do holidays.
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- What is your problem, man?
- Why do you got to ruin stuff, Coop?
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Ooh, you know what?
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We should add it
to the Christmas concert.
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It'll be a good way to teach people
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what Kwanzaa's all about.
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You know, I think it'd be great
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to put some new life
into our holiday show.
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We've been doing the same, old
script since I went to school here.
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And lucky for us, we have
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a semi-professional
script writer on faculty.
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- Who?
- Dear God! Do not ask.
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Too late. She asked.
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Screenplay, you ask?
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Why, yes. I'll tell you all about it.
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"Sole Brothers"?
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Yeah, it's the story of Jeffrey Sole
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and his identical twin,
David Alan Brothers.
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They're shoe salesmen
who moonlight as detectives.
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If they're twin brothers, why do
they have different last names?
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Okay, we're good. No more questions.
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Sorry. I got to know.
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Why the hell is there a genie lamp?
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You know what?
It's better if I pitch it.
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- Do not pitch it!
- Fade in.
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Exterior... Arabian Desert.
Dead of night.
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- Camels walking...
- Yeah, I've heard enough.
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Lainey, you're writing about Kwanzaa.
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Um, are you sure it should be me?
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You know, because
I'm, like... you know...
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and people who celebrate
Kwanzaa are, um...
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you know, they're, um...
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So, you know...
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Okay, what is going on
with you right now?
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Whenever I talk about
this kind of thing, I'm just,
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you know, like, worried
I'm gonna say the wrong thing.
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What exactly do you think
you're gonna say?
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Oh, God! Nothing!
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But... yeah, John should take charge.
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Kwanzaa's all yours.
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Not that I won't be there to support it,
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'cause I do support it... a lot.
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But not too much. I don't want
to overstep my bounds.
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Just the appropriate amount
of supporting.
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- Lainey.
- Yes?
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- Please stop.
- Stopping.
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While I was awkwardly
getting into Kwanzaa,
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my new roommate, CB,
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was getting into the holiday spirit.
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Dude! You cleaned my entire place
and got me a Christmas tree?
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Why do you keep doing stuff like this?
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Well, 'cause my place burned down
and you took me in rent-free,
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and cleaning helps me forget
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my place burned down
and you took me in rent-free.
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Aw, man. If I knew I had a tree,
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I wouldn't have opened
Barry's gift already.
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Hi, baby.
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I'm fishing you a Merry Christmas.
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I've been listening
to bad fish puns all day.
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Are you sure you want to keep
that in a place of prominence?
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I am fin love with you.
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Yeah. It's just so Barry.
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Look! I'm a Barry-cuda. Ha!
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- You mean loud and intrusive?
- Stop.
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You just have to get to know him,
and then you'll see what I see.
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Why the fish?
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'Cause you've been
dropping him hints all month
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that you wanted
that platypus Beanie Baby.
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Eh, it's disappointing,
but they're really hard to find,
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and this just screams "Barry."
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My name's Barry, and I'm a fish!
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Come on. Don't make excuses for the guy.
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You deserve that Beanie Baby.
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Well, my birthday's in a month,
so maybe he'll be my hero then
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and get me that new Beanie Baby.
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Yo, Coop!
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Hey, man, you got a sec?
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I need some help translating
this Spanish verse
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- for my poetry class.
- Sure!
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It's nice to know you want to talk to me
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about something other than Lainey.
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So, what's up?
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It's about Lainey.
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Oh, come on, man!
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I finally found a way
to win her heart...
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Beanie Babies.
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Please unlock the door. I'm scared.
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Just listen for one sec.
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Living with Lainey made me realize
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how perfect we are for each other,
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and once I get her a Patti the
Platypus, she'll see it, too.
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Seriously?
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You think your way in is a Beanie Baby?
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It's not the Beanie itself
that wins her over.
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It's what the Beanie represents.
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Which is?
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That Barry's all wrong for her.
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For some reason, Lainey thinks
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that he's some special,
amazing guy, when, really,
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he's a spazzy goofus
who bought her a talking fish.
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But not CB.
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Just one problem with your plan, though.
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No one can get their hands
on that platypus.
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I can.
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There's a Beanie Baby drop going down
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in Willow Grove, 8:00 a.m. sharp.
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I'm gonna camp out overnight
so I can be first in line,
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'cause you're gonna cover
my last two classes
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and run my after-school book club
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and then drive Earl Ball home
'cause his Volvo's in the shop
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and then, in the morning,
just drive him downtown
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to pick up said Volvo
from the mechanic. Is that okay?
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While CB was hatching
his plan to win me over,
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I gathered up my students
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for Glascott's big Kwanzaa announcement.
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Okay, we're finally making
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this Christmas concert all-inclusive.
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That means we now cover
the weeklong celebration
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of African and African-American culture
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known as Kwanzaa.
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♪ Kwanzaa! ♪
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Don't do that.
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Kwanzaa.
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Sounds like a dude from "Mortal Kombat."
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That's enough.
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All right. Let's rehearse.
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Uh, Felicia,
you take the lead in this one.
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But I didn't even raise my hand.
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Yep, part's all yours.
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I already have a part
in the nativity scene.
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Which I now give to Marni.
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You can't do that.
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But I did. It's done. Yay!
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- ♪ Kwanzaa! ♪
- No.
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Can we, like,
talk in the hall right now?
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- To the hall!
- I don't care what you say.
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You can't make me do this.
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Please! It's really important.
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To you, maybe.
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But they're just gonna laugh at me.
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And that's why it's your job
to teach them
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what Kwanzaa's all about.
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Why is it my job?
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I'm in high school.
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I just want to fly under the radar
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and not embarrass myself.
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The fact that you find Kwanzaa
so embarrassing
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is the exact reason
that you're doing this.
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- But...
- No buts.
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We finally have
an all-inclusive holiday show,
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and you need to be proud of it.
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- Oh, you are such a hypocrite.
- Excuse me?
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You're just excited
because now it includes us.
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00:06:57,964 --> 00:07:00,531
What about Reza? You didn't add
anything about Diwali.
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00:07:00,633 --> 00:07:01,865
Only 'cause I haven't heard of it
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00:07:01,968 --> 00:07:03,133
until this very second,
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00:07:03,202 --> 00:07:05,436
but thank you very much,
because now it's in.
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00:07:05,504 --> 00:07:07,237
You sure you want to take this on?
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00:07:07,306 --> 00:07:09,940
Squeezing four holidays
into one show is gonna be tough.
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You think I can't handle four holidays?
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I have ideas for 16
"Sole Brothers" sequels.
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Do not pitch me your lame movie
right now!
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- I mean it!
- Fade in.
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- No!
- Nuclear submarine.
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It makes no sense.
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- We angle on Naval Captain Jeffrey Sole
- Stop!
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- Please! Come on!
- ...and his identical twin brother
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David Alan Brothers.
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Fine!
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I will do Kwanzaa.
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But mark my words, you will regret it.
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Thank you. And I'm choosing
to ignore that threat.
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And, again, if you would
just read the screenplay...
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...it explains in flashbacks
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how they can be brothers.
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As Glascott got Felicia
to join his quest for Kwanzaa,
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CB was ready to battle
for my Beanie Baby.
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You got this, Chucky.
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Get the Beanie, be the hero.
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00:07:48,914 --> 00:07:50,714
Get the Beanie, be the hero.
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00:07:54,620 --> 00:07:56,153
Elite athlete coming through, baby!
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Rick?!
250
00:08:01,761 --> 00:08:03,260
Come back, you animals.
251
00:08:03,362 --> 00:08:04,661
I got you.
252
00:08:04,764 --> 00:08:05,696
Thank you.
253
00:08:05,798 --> 00:08:07,297
Rick, what are you even doing here?
254
00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:08,665
Coop told me
you were camped out in line,
255
00:08:08,734 --> 00:08:11,168
which reminded me I had to snag
a Christmas present for Toby.
256
00:08:11,270 --> 00:08:12,469
But I waited all night.
257
00:08:12,538 --> 00:08:14,772
How do you arrive last
and then beat everyone?
258
00:08:14,840 --> 00:08:16,607
Took years of hard work, CB.
259
00:08:16,709 --> 00:08:18,008
You see, when I was but a boy,
260
00:08:18,110 --> 00:08:20,655
I wandered into my local gym
for the first time. There, I saw...
261
00:08:20,725 --> 00:08:21,920
Yeah, I don't need to hear
the whole story.
262
00:08:21,975 --> 00:08:23,647
Please tell me
you grabbed a spare platypus.
263
00:08:23,749 --> 00:08:25,349
Oh, Toby's over Beanie Babies.
264
00:08:25,451 --> 00:08:27,451
Instead, I got him this bad boy.
265
00:08:27,553 --> 00:08:28,685
Turbo Man?
266
00:08:28,756 --> 00:08:29,953
The hell is that?
267
00:08:30,056 --> 00:08:32,356
Only the coolest action figure
of the year,
268
00:08:32,425 --> 00:08:35,025
as seen in the upcoming holiday
hit "Jingle All the Way."
269
00:08:35,094 --> 00:08:36,393
Yeah, I don't know about that, man.
270
00:08:36,462 --> 00:08:37,528
Hello?
271
00:08:37,630 --> 00:08:39,596
It stars Arnold Schwarzenegger
and Sinbad.
272
00:08:39,698 --> 00:08:40,864
Okay, forget about Turbo Man.
273
00:08:40,966 --> 00:08:42,900
I need your freakishly fast
roadrunner legs
274
00:08:42,968 --> 00:08:44,935
to get me that Beanie Baby
when the new shipment arrives.
275
00:08:45,037 --> 00:08:46,770
You want me to come back
to this madhouse?
276
00:08:46,872 --> 00:08:49,506
Here. Just take a Turbo Man.
There's a shocking amount left.
277
00:08:49,608 --> 00:08:51,141
I don't want Turbo Man.
278
00:08:51,210 --> 00:08:53,721
What about Lieutenant Dan Taylor
from "Forrest Gump"?
279
00:08:53,753 --> 00:08:54,681
No.
280
00:08:54,729 --> 00:08:57,206
- "Cape Fear"... fun for all ages.
- No.
281
00:08:57,283 --> 00:08:59,216
"Can't Hardly Wait"... Seth Green?
282
00:08:59,318 --> 00:09:00,484
Again, no!
283
00:09:00,586 --> 00:09:01,885
- "Troll 2"?
- Seriously?
284
00:09:01,987 --> 00:09:02,953
"Ghost"?
285
00:09:03,055 --> 00:09:05,222
- "Get off my train!"
- Who makes these?
286
00:09:05,291 --> 00:09:07,524
"All right, all right, all right."
287
00:09:07,626 --> 00:09:09,026
Okay, please stop.
288
00:09:09,128 --> 00:09:11,061
It's got to be Patti the Platypus, okay?
289
00:09:11,163 --> 00:09:12,696
I thought you hated Beanie Babies.
290
00:09:12,798 --> 00:09:14,098
Okay, truth be told?
291
00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:15,632
I'm doing it for love.
292
00:09:15,734 --> 00:09:16,667
Love?
293
00:09:17,670 --> 00:09:18,869
I love love.
294
00:09:18,971 --> 00:09:20,104
This changes everything.
295
00:09:20,206 --> 00:09:21,438
Okay, this might sound crazy,
296
00:09:21,540 --> 00:09:22,973
but if I get her this Beanie Baby,
297
00:09:23,075 --> 00:09:25,609
maybe she'll see that I'm
the one who can make her happy.
298
00:09:25,711 --> 00:09:27,411
It is crazy.
299
00:09:27,513 --> 00:09:28,445
But so is love.
300
00:09:28,547 --> 00:09:29,713
Let's do this.
301
00:09:29,815 --> 00:09:31,315
The next day, Mellor and CB waited
302
00:09:31,417 --> 00:09:32,938
for another shot at Patti the Platty,
303
00:09:33,008 --> 00:09:34,125
all in the name of love.
304
00:09:34,196 --> 00:09:36,453
Oh, God. There's a bigger crowd
here than yesterday.
305
00:09:36,524 --> 00:09:38,489
Are you sure you can outrun
all these people?
306
00:09:38,591 --> 00:09:40,657
CB, look at me.
307
00:09:40,759 --> 00:09:42,860
I'm gonna get you that bag of beans,
308
00:09:42,962 --> 00:09:45,929
and nothing... nothing is gonna
stand in my way.
309
00:09:46,031 --> 00:09:46,997
Okay.
310
00:09:47,099 --> 00:09:48,065
What the...
311
00:09:48,167 --> 00:09:49,199
Barry?
312
00:09:50,369 --> 00:09:51,468
Hey!
313
00:09:51,570 --> 00:09:52,786
It's Coach and BJ!
314
00:09:54,537 --> 00:09:56,692
Thanks to Felicia's defiance,
our Christmas concert
315
00:09:56,717 --> 00:09:58,372
was about to add a few more holidays.
316
00:09:58,427 --> 00:09:59,786
Okay, good news.
317
00:09:59,856 --> 00:10:01,623
Diwali has also been added
318
00:10:01,689 --> 00:10:04,289
into our all-inclusive holiday show.
319
00:10:04,367 --> 00:10:06,351
- Sounds good, Reza?
- Okay.
320
00:10:06,446 --> 00:10:07,885
♪ Diwali ♪
321
00:10:07,926 --> 00:10:09,359
Why don't you take a walk?
322
00:10:09,385 --> 00:10:10,846
- Walking.
- Right.
323
00:10:10,908 --> 00:10:12,216
Okay. So, we're good.
324
00:10:12,285 --> 00:10:14,519
We got a little Kwanzaa,
we got some Diwali.
325
00:10:14,587 --> 00:10:16,888
This is gonna be
the best holiday show ever.
326
00:10:16,990 --> 00:10:17,922
Uncle J?
327
00:10:18,024 --> 00:10:19,690
I actually did some Internet surfing,
328
00:10:19,759 --> 00:10:22,126
and we are far from all-inclusive.
329
00:10:22,228 --> 00:10:25,563
Which is why I have a list
of other holidays, like, uh...
330
00:10:25,665 --> 00:10:29,545
The Feast of Seven Fishes,
St. Lucia, Boxing Day.
331
00:10:29,602 --> 00:10:32,006
Boxing Day. Awesome. I love "Rocky."
332
00:10:32,092 --> 00:10:33,104
"Yo, Adrian."
333
00:10:33,172 --> 00:10:35,273
Yo, Ronnie! Consider all of it in!
334
00:10:35,375 --> 00:10:36,274
What about Krampus?
335
00:10:36,342 --> 00:10:37,441
What is a Krampus?
336
00:10:37,510 --> 00:10:38,809
He's, like, this half-goat demon
337
00:10:38,878 --> 00:10:40,878
that punishes misfit children
during the holiday season.
338
00:10:40,980 --> 00:10:42,079
So badass.
339
00:10:42,148 --> 00:10:43,951
If we're doing Krampus,
then I want the Yule Cat.
340
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:45,766
- Yule wha?
- My Grammy's from Iceland,
341
00:10:45,835 --> 00:10:47,522
and that's her favorite holiday story.
342
00:10:47,568 --> 00:10:49,014
The Yule Cat eats kids
who haven't received
343
00:10:49,084 --> 00:10:50,767
any new clothes to wear
before Christmas Eve.
344
00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:53,048
Okay, sounds unnecessarily punitive,
345
00:10:53,150 --> 00:10:54,742
but tell Granny it's in.
346
00:10:54,811 --> 00:10:58,012
Ooh! Uh, can we add in Festivus,
the holiday for the rest of us?
347
00:10:58,081 --> 00:10:59,880
No! That's from "Seinfeld."
348
00:10:59,983 --> 00:11:01,015
No, it's real now.
349
00:11:01,084 --> 00:11:03,184
My dad makes us gather
around the Festivus pole
350
00:11:03,286 --> 00:11:04,652
for the airing of grievances.
351
00:11:04,754 --> 00:11:05,886
This sounds like a lot of work.
352
00:11:05,955 --> 00:11:07,788
Why don't we just
go back to the original play?
353
00:11:07,857 --> 00:11:09,056
Okay, I see what you're doing.
354
00:11:09,125 --> 00:11:11,425
You're suggesting
a bunch of lame-butt holidays
355
00:11:11,494 --> 00:11:12,960
so I'll give up on Kwanzaa.
356
00:11:13,029 --> 00:11:15,062
Did you just call Diwali
a lame-butt holiday?
357
00:11:15,131 --> 00:11:17,660
No, no, no! They're all equally
big in the butt department.
358
00:11:17,746 --> 00:11:20,668
Christmas and Hanukkah
and Kwanzaa and Diwali
359
00:11:20,737 --> 00:11:22,303
and the demon-goat thing
360
00:11:22,372 --> 00:11:26,605
and your granny's Icelandic
snow cat who eats naked kids.
361
00:11:27,777 --> 00:11:29,644
Okay. Is that the bell? Well...
362
00:11:29,746 --> 00:11:31,746
Good luck, Uncle J.
363
00:11:31,848 --> 00:11:33,080
While Felicia turned Kwanzaa
364
00:11:33,149 --> 00:11:35,116
into an avalanche of holidays
for Glascott,
365
00:11:35,184 --> 00:11:36,684
CB faced his own disaster.
366
00:11:36,753 --> 00:11:37,752
Why are you here?
367
00:11:37,854 --> 00:11:39,654
To buy a Christmas present for Lainey.
368
00:11:39,722 --> 00:11:41,055
It's a platypus.
369
00:11:41,157 --> 00:11:43,524
- What about the Barry-cuda?
- Decoy.
370
00:11:43,608 --> 00:11:46,223
Only problem is, Detroit loves
their Beanie Babies,
371
00:11:46,301 --> 00:11:47,583
and they're all tapped out.
372
00:11:47,668 --> 00:11:49,530
Luckily, my lazy-eyed
nerd brother, Adam,
373
00:11:49,599 --> 00:11:52,566
says this store always has the goods.
374
00:11:52,669 --> 00:11:53,734
Wow. That's so weird.
375
00:11:53,803 --> 00:11:55,836
That platypus is
the exact same Beanie Baby
376
00:11:55,938 --> 00:11:57,038
I'm here to get for CB.
377
00:11:57,106 --> 00:11:59,040
It's not weird.
It's actually very normal.
378
00:11:59,142 --> 00:12:01,042
Can you be a pal and sit this one out?
379
00:12:01,144 --> 00:12:02,276
I'm doing this for love.
380
00:12:02,345 --> 00:12:05,608
Again, so weird, because CB is
also doing it for love.
381
00:12:05,686 --> 00:12:07,483
You know what? We don't have to
talk about it anymore.
382
00:12:07,545 --> 00:12:09,350
- In fact, you know what? We should go.
- Go?!
383
00:12:09,452 --> 00:12:11,318
But you said this Beanie Baby
is the only way to get
384
00:12:11,421 --> 00:12:13,754
the girl you love to realize
she's dating the wrong person.
385
00:12:13,856 --> 00:12:16,090
Aw, man! She's got a boyfriend?
386
00:12:16,192 --> 00:12:17,158
Please don't root for me.
387
00:12:17,260 --> 00:12:18,526
Sounds like a total dingus.
388
00:12:18,628 --> 00:12:20,561
Hey, guys, can we open
that [bleep] gate?
389
00:12:20,663 --> 00:12:22,396
It's go time!
390
00:12:22,498 --> 00:12:23,798
Go, go, go, go. Go, go.
391
00:12:23,900 --> 00:12:25,066
Run, Rick, run!
392
00:12:26,202 --> 00:12:28,269
My unbreakable ankle!
393
00:12:28,371 --> 00:12:29,370
We need a doctor!
394
00:12:29,472 --> 00:12:30,638
Incoming stat!
395
00:12:30,707 --> 00:12:32,406
Leave me! Go get your Patti the Platty!
396
00:12:32,475 --> 00:12:34,942
Your ankle's swelling!
I've got to get you to the ER!
397
00:12:35,044 --> 00:12:36,577
Sneaky strong.
398
00:12:36,679 --> 00:12:37,978
Make way!
399
00:12:38,081 --> 00:12:40,948
I've got an injured
American gym teacher!
400
00:12:41,017 --> 00:12:43,317
I'm helping, too. I have his shoe.
401
00:12:43,386 --> 00:12:46,253
While Coach was in bad shape,
Glascott and Wilma came to see
402
00:12:46,322 --> 00:12:48,222
how the all-inclusive
holiday show was shaping up.
403
00:12:48,324 --> 00:12:50,558
♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells ♪
404
00:12:50,626 --> 00:12:52,593
♪ Jingle all the way ♪
405
00:12:52,695 --> 00:12:54,395
♪ Seven days of Kwanzaa ♪
406
00:12:54,497 --> 00:12:56,130
♪ Kwanzaa, eh ♪
407
00:12:56,199 --> 00:12:59,400
♪ Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel,
I made you out of clay ♪
408
00:12:59,469 --> 00:13:02,870
♪ Diwali's here for five great nights ♪
409
00:13:02,972 --> 00:13:05,606
♪ Box, Boxing Day ♪
410
00:13:05,708 --> 00:13:07,408
♪ A day to box ♪
411
00:13:07,510 --> 00:13:10,544
♪ Boxing Daaaaay ♪
412
00:13:10,613 --> 00:13:14,448
♪ It's the day of the boxing,
it's the Boxing Day ♪
413
00:13:14,517 --> 00:13:18,219
♪ But it's not
the "Rocky" kind of boxing ♪
414
00:13:18,321 --> 00:13:20,454
What's the deal with Festivus?
415
00:13:20,523 --> 00:13:22,723
♪ It's when lords give their servants ♪
416
00:13:22,825 --> 00:13:24,492
♪ New, shiny gifts ♪
417
00:13:24,560 --> 00:13:28,562
♪ In a box on a day, so it's called ♪
418
00:13:28,664 --> 00:13:30,998
♪ Day of boxing ♪
419
00:13:31,100 --> 00:13:35,536
All hail Krampus,
horned king of holiday darkness!
420
00:13:35,605 --> 00:13:38,243
While Glascott realized he may
have wrecked the holiday show,
421
00:13:38,313 --> 00:13:40,608
CB was hoping
Mellor's ankle wasn't wrecked.
422
00:13:40,676 --> 00:13:43,110
I don't know why, but I feel
like this is partially my fault.
423
00:13:43,179 --> 00:13:45,546
Maybe you feel that way because
every part of this is your fault!
424
00:13:45,615 --> 00:13:48,282
I need a new ankle because you
wanted a bean-filled platypus.
425
00:13:48,351 --> 00:13:49,650
I would never even have asked
426
00:13:49,719 --> 00:13:51,285
if I'd known
that Barry was gonna be there,
427
00:13:51,387 --> 00:13:52,884
getting the same darn Beanie Baby
428
00:13:52,933 --> 00:13:54,391
for the same darn girl.
429
00:13:54,868 --> 00:13:55,890
- Wait, what?
- What?
430
00:13:55,992 --> 00:13:57,458
- Darn girl who?
- Who? What?
431
00:13:57,560 --> 00:13:59,368
- Lainey who?
- Lainey who... what?
432
00:13:59,428 --> 00:14:00,494
You know who, what!
433
00:14:00,563 --> 00:14:01,962
Are you telling me I need a new ankle
434
00:14:02,031 --> 00:14:04,265
because you wanted to break up my
friend and the love of her life?
435
00:14:04,367 --> 00:14:06,534
Y-Y-Ye-Yes.
436
00:14:06,636 --> 00:14:07,601
What is wrong with you?
437
00:14:07,703 --> 00:14:09,203
Lainey would never leave Barry.
438
00:14:09,305 --> 00:14:10,471
That dude's the best.
439
00:14:10,540 --> 00:14:12,940
Yeah, well, everyone says that,
but I just don't see it.
440
00:14:13,042 --> 00:14:14,441
Well, you gotta get to know him!
441
00:14:14,510 --> 00:14:15,409
I do know him.
442
00:14:15,511 --> 00:14:17,244
He's immature and clueless and dopey,
443
00:14:17,346 --> 00:14:19,413
and, honestly, I don't even understand
444
00:14:19,482 --> 00:14:21,315
how that assclown became a doctor.
445
00:14:21,384 --> 00:14:23,984
Good news, Coach.
Took a peek at your file.
446
00:14:24,053 --> 00:14:26,754
Seems like the doctor on call
thought he saw a fracture,
447
00:14:26,823 --> 00:14:28,719
but the cortices are intact,
448
00:14:28,797 --> 00:14:30,188
so it's just a ligamentous problem.
449
00:14:30,259 --> 00:14:33,444
Okay. Those are the words
of a very skilled doctor.
450
00:14:33,469 --> 00:14:37,198
I know. You probably think I'm just
some clueless, dopey assclown.
451
00:14:37,300 --> 00:14:39,533
What? No.
452
00:14:39,635 --> 00:14:42,303
My whole life, I always made
a bad first impression.
453
00:14:42,405 --> 00:14:44,171
I get nervous around new people,
454
00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:45,940
and then I overcompensate
455
00:14:46,008 --> 00:14:49,443
by calling myself Big Tasty
and rap and nunchuck.
456
00:14:49,512 --> 00:14:51,045
This is all very self-aware.
457
00:14:51,113 --> 00:14:52,313
All thanks to Lainey.
458
00:14:52,415 --> 00:14:55,082
She's the first person
I could be myself around.
459
00:14:55,151 --> 00:14:57,651
But now that we went
through this together,
460
00:14:57,753 --> 00:14:58,986
we're bros.
461
00:14:59,055 --> 00:15:01,055
Now you get to see the real me.
462
00:15:01,157 --> 00:15:02,690
He good. I like.
463
00:15:02,792 --> 00:15:03,958
Thanks, CB.
464
00:15:04,060 --> 00:15:06,493
Anyway, it's just a bad sprain.
No need for surgery.
465
00:15:06,596 --> 00:15:08,495
Sweet Lord, you saved my ankle's life!
466
00:15:08,598 --> 00:15:11,131
My ankle will never forget
this kindness, Doc Barry.
467
00:15:11,234 --> 00:15:12,600
Here.
468
00:15:12,702 --> 00:15:13,868
For the patient's helper.
469
00:15:13,970 --> 00:15:15,936
I'll go get you discharged.
470
00:15:16,038 --> 00:15:17,137
You were saying?
471
00:15:18,407 --> 00:15:19,740
I see it now.
472
00:15:19,842 --> 00:15:22,009
That amazing bastard is
the best guy ever.
473
00:15:22,111 --> 00:15:23,677
Why didn't you just tell me
this was about Lainey?
474
00:15:23,779 --> 00:15:25,312
You could've avoided this whole mess.
475
00:15:25,414 --> 00:15:28,849
I'm sorry. I guess I just wanted
to believe that I had a shot.
476
00:15:28,951 --> 00:15:30,384
But I get it now.
477
00:15:30,486 --> 00:15:31,905
It's time to move on.
478
00:15:36,074 --> 00:15:38,109
As Glascott was making
some last-minute changes
479
00:15:38,177 --> 00:15:40,369
to his show, I had a few of my own.
480
00:15:40,425 --> 00:15:42,659
Okay, I stayed up all night
writing a few songs,
481
00:15:42,720 --> 00:15:44,519
but we're good to go
on Australian Christmas.
482
00:15:44,581 --> 00:15:45,871
Australian what's happening?
483
00:15:45,918 --> 00:15:47,761
You didn't hear? Ronnie's super upset
484
00:15:47,839 --> 00:15:49,894
'cause we so cruelly left out
the holiday of his people.
485
00:15:49,988 --> 00:15:52,289
Ronnie's from South Philly, and
his parents own a hoagie shop.
486
00:15:52,391 --> 00:15:53,723
There's no way he's Australian.
487
00:15:53,825 --> 00:15:55,425
Not to mention, Australian Christmas
488
00:15:55,527 --> 00:15:56,960
is just Christmas.
489
00:15:57,029 --> 00:15:58,561
Classic Wilma... so closed-minded.
490
00:15:58,630 --> 00:16:00,330
Thankfully, Felicia came directly to me
491
00:16:00,399 --> 00:16:01,531
so I could address the issue.
492
00:16:01,633 --> 00:16:03,233
Felicia? Okay, wait.
493
00:16:03,302 --> 00:16:05,802
No, she's right.
I'm super closed-minded.
494
00:16:05,871 --> 00:16:07,170
Please tell me all about
495
00:16:07,239 --> 00:16:09,406
how they celebrate the holidays
down under.
496
00:16:09,474 --> 00:16:11,308
Legend tells tale of Kangy Dundee,
497
00:16:11,410 --> 00:16:13,443
the magical kangaroo who hops into town,
498
00:16:13,512 --> 00:16:15,946
bringing with him a pouch full
of fresh shrimps off the barbie
499
00:16:16,048 --> 00:16:17,647
to give to all the good boys and girls.
500
00:16:17,749 --> 00:16:19,316
- And if you're naughty?
- Then you get cold Vegemite
501
00:16:19,384 --> 00:16:20,562
with nary a cracker to spread it on.
502
00:16:21,843 --> 00:16:24,154
♪ They call him Kangy, Kangy Dundee... ♪
503
00:16:24,193 --> 00:16:26,026
Stop. Just stop.
504
00:16:26,092 --> 00:16:28,092
Felicia was messing with you
to get at me.
505
00:16:28,156 --> 00:16:29,422
How could you not know this?
506
00:16:29,491 --> 00:16:32,125
'Cause... I'm open-minded
to all races and cultures,
507
00:16:32,227 --> 00:16:33,960
and I'm very bad at this, John!
508
00:16:34,029 --> 00:16:35,695
So bad!
509
00:16:35,764 --> 00:16:37,264
Shame on you.
510
00:16:37,332 --> 00:16:38,965
Playing on Lainey's desperate need
511
00:16:39,034 --> 00:16:41,902
to not be looked at
as an intolerant white lady.
512
00:16:41,927 --> 00:16:42,770
Yeah!
513
00:16:42,795 --> 00:16:44,104
You were supposed to give up
when I said Boxing Day,
514
00:16:44,206 --> 00:16:45,272
but you refused to back down.
515
00:16:45,374 --> 00:16:46,506
'Cause this is important.
516
00:16:46,575 --> 00:16:48,441
I know you want to fly under the radar,
517
00:16:48,510 --> 00:16:50,410
but you can't live your life like that.
518
00:16:50,512 --> 00:16:52,345
- Why not?
- That's why.
519
00:16:52,382 --> 00:16:53,354
Your grad-school degree?
520
00:16:53,415 --> 00:16:54,581
Do you notice anything?
521
00:16:54,683 --> 00:16:57,350
- It says your name is... Andre?
- Exactly.
522
00:16:57,452 --> 00:16:58,985
When I went to Vassar,
our program only had
523
00:16:59,087 --> 00:17:00,687
two black grad students in it...
524
00:17:00,756 --> 00:17:03,256
John Glascott and Andre Jones.
525
00:17:03,358 --> 00:17:05,025
Let's just say people got us confused.
526
00:17:05,127 --> 00:17:06,059
A lot.
527
00:17:06,128 --> 00:17:07,761
It felt easier to just laugh it off
528
00:17:07,863 --> 00:17:08,862
than to speak up.
529
00:17:08,964 --> 00:17:10,697
But soon enough,
everyone actually thought
530
00:17:10,799 --> 00:17:12,332
that my name was Andre...
531
00:17:12,434 --> 00:17:13,867
even my professors
532
00:17:13,969 --> 00:17:15,835
who wrote my recommendation
to work here.
533
00:17:15,938 --> 00:17:17,137
Wait.
534
00:17:17,205 --> 00:17:19,639
You mean everyone here
thought your name was Andre?
535
00:17:19,741 --> 00:17:21,041
Only for 12 years.
536
00:17:21,143 --> 00:17:22,542
Then one day, I snapped.
537
00:17:22,644 --> 00:17:24,377
My name is not Andre.
538
00:17:24,479 --> 00:17:26,313
My name is Jonathan!
539
00:17:26,415 --> 00:17:28,348
And I love you, Lunch Lady Bernice!
540
00:17:28,417 --> 00:17:30,884
That day kick-started
a whirlwind two weeks
541
00:17:30,953 --> 00:17:32,886
with a woman that I was not ready for.
542
00:17:32,955 --> 00:17:34,187
While this is a bummer story,
543
00:17:34,256 --> 00:17:35,655
what exactly does it have to do with me?
544
00:17:35,757 --> 00:17:38,710
Because I want you to stand up
and be proud of who you are,
545
00:17:38,765 --> 00:17:42,095
not laugh it off and fly
under the radar, like I did.
546
00:17:42,164 --> 00:17:44,130
That makes sense.
547
00:17:44,232 --> 00:17:45,335
Well, doesn't matter now.
548
00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:47,300
We're going back
to our old Christmas concert,
549
00:17:47,369 --> 00:17:50,303
because our all-inclusive show
is a disaster.
550
00:17:52,841 --> 00:17:54,507
Maybe we can still give it a shot.
551
00:17:54,576 --> 00:17:57,210
Just... with a tad less "Rocky"
and puffy Seinfeld shirts.
552
00:17:57,279 --> 00:17:59,813
It's fine. You don't
have to do Kwanzaa for me.
553
00:17:59,915 --> 00:18:00,814
I'm not.
554
00:18:00,882 --> 00:18:02,716
Look, I didn't want to stand out,
555
00:18:02,818 --> 00:18:05,652
but if that leads
to me losing a part of myself,
556
00:18:05,754 --> 00:18:07,220
I'm not gonna let that happen.
557
00:18:08,156 --> 00:18:09,556
And I'm also part of the problem
558
00:18:09,658 --> 00:18:12,258
when I get all awkward
talking about this stuff.
559
00:18:12,361 --> 00:18:13,360
No more, sista.
560
00:18:13,462 --> 00:18:14,394
- Don't.
- No.
561
00:18:14,496 --> 00:18:16,730
Let's go spread some holiday cheer, huh?
562
00:18:17,399 --> 00:18:18,698
Yeah.
563
00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:23,536
♪ Try and keep your head up to the sky ♪
564
00:18:23,638 --> 00:18:26,139
♪ Lovers, they may cause you tears ♪
565
00:18:26,241 --> 00:18:28,708
♪ Go ahead, release your fears ♪
566
00:18:28,777 --> 00:18:30,510
♪ Stand up and be counted ♪
567
00:18:30,579 --> 00:18:32,912
♪ Don't be ashamed to cry ♪
568
00:18:33,015 --> 00:18:34,247
♪ You gotta be... ♪
569
00:18:34,316 --> 00:18:36,266
That night, we put on
the best holiday show
570
00:18:36,329 --> 00:18:38,785
the school had ever seen.
571
00:18:38,887 --> 00:18:40,086
Even though the idea was
572
00:18:40,155 --> 00:18:42,222
for everyone to learn
about our holidays,
573
00:18:42,324 --> 00:18:44,791
we all ended up learning
something more important.
574
00:18:44,860 --> 00:18:46,092
♪ You gotta be cool ♪
575
00:18:46,194 --> 00:18:47,994
When you set aside your differences
576
00:18:48,063 --> 00:18:50,930
and learn to embrace them,
you can accomplish anything.
577
00:18:51,033 --> 00:18:53,354
♪ All I know is,
love will save the day ♪
578
00:18:53,433 --> 00:18:56,269
♪ Herald what your mother said ♪
579
00:18:56,371 --> 00:18:58,638
Here ya go. Fresh from the oven.
580
00:18:58,740 --> 00:19:01,341
I'm gonna get out of here,
give you guys some alone time.
581
00:19:01,443 --> 00:19:02,909
You sure you don't want to hang?
582
00:19:03,011 --> 00:19:04,778
No. No, you... you two have fun.
583
00:19:04,846 --> 00:19:07,113
You got some presents to open, I see.
584
00:19:08,784 --> 00:19:10,183
Is this what I think it is?
585
00:19:10,285 --> 00:19:11,931
Uh... I hope so.
586
00:19:15,150 --> 00:19:18,150
Oh... my God! How did you find this?!
587
00:19:18,220 --> 00:19:19,826
I....
588
00:19:19,935 --> 00:19:20,947
He waited all night
589
00:19:21,064 --> 00:19:22,752
at the Willow Grove Mall to get one.
590
00:19:22,814 --> 00:19:23,797
You were right.
591
00:19:23,899 --> 00:19:25,999
He really is the best,
once you get to know him.
592
00:19:26,101 --> 00:19:28,068
Thank you.
593
00:19:28,136 --> 00:19:31,104
Sometimes in life, you have to
make big sacrifices,
594
00:19:31,206 --> 00:19:32,372
even if it means letting go
595
00:19:32,441 --> 00:19:35,041
of the people who mean the most to you.
596
00:19:35,143 --> 00:19:37,177
But in the end, the people you love most
597
00:19:37,279 --> 00:19:38,745
will always know you care.
598
00:19:38,854 --> 00:19:41,214
- Hey, CB?
- Yeah?
599
00:19:41,316 --> 00:19:43,349
- Thank you.
- For what?
600
00:19:43,452 --> 00:19:45,118
For tracking down that Beanie Baby.
601
00:19:45,220 --> 00:19:46,553
Oh. No.
602
00:19:46,655 --> 00:19:48,888
That was all Barry.
603
00:19:48,990 --> 00:19:51,030
He really would do anything for you.
604
00:19:51,115 --> 00:19:52,490
I know.
605
00:19:53,128 --> 00:19:55,014
Merry Christmas, Lainey Lewis.
606
00:19:55,964 --> 00:19:57,897
Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown.
607
00:19:57,999 --> 00:20:00,233
♪ You gotta be wiser ♪
608
00:20:00,335 --> 00:20:03,369
♪ You gotta be hard,
you gotta be tough ♪
609
00:20:03,472 --> 00:20:05,405
_
610
00:20:05,507 --> 00:20:07,340
Let me open it.
I'm in the Christmas spirit.
611
00:20:07,442 --> 00:20:09,596
Look, he got me sand darts!
612
00:20:09,650 --> 00:20:12,445
These are the Furbys!
613
00:20:12,547 --> 00:20:14,514
Connect Four. Thank you!
614
00:20:14,583 --> 00:20:16,291
Thank you, Santa, wherever you are.
615
00:20:16,698 --> 00:20:19,447
Who's this Lainey Lewis
I've been herring about?
616
00:20:19,518 --> 00:20:21,759
She's the gill of my dreams.
617
00:20:21,823 --> 00:20:25,358
Every day, I thank cod
I met someone like you.
618
00:20:25,393 --> 00:20:27,014
♪ Oh, my marlin ♪
619
00:20:27,087 --> 00:20:28,912
♪ Oh, my marlin ♪
620
00:20:28,968 --> 00:20:32,686
♪ Oh, my marlin Lainey Lewis ♪
621
00:20:32,725 --> 00:20:34,467
Gah! Yeah, this one sucks.
622
00:20:34,545 --> 00:20:38,506
I'm so lovesick that I need
to see a heart sturgeon.
623
00:20:38,577 --> 00:20:40,092
I just want to say I love you.
624
00:20:40,131 --> 00:20:41,581
Why? For the halibut.
625
00:20:41,616 --> 00:20:44,608
I have such strong eelings
of love for you.
626
00:20:44,645 --> 00:20:45,761
Eel. Get it?
627
00:20:45,819 --> 00:20:47,084
It's the snake of the sea.
628
00:20:47,122 --> 00:20:48,160
Let me do this over.
629
00:20:48,214 --> 00:20:50,066
How do you stop recording on this thing?
630
00:20:50,129 --> 00:20:52,574
Damn it, it won't turn off!
631
00:20:52,654 --> 00:20:54,082
I think he's done.
632
00:20:54,154 --> 00:20:56,367
Babe, my love for you is more delicious
633
00:20:56,421 --> 00:20:58,523
than a nicely grilled branzino.
634
00:20:58,601 --> 00:21:00,662
It's a mild white fish.
635
00:21:00,687 --> 00:21:04,587
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com